- Okay! - Where are my things?
What do you have to drink?
Do you want some music?
It's my favourite tape.
- We need some wine. - Oh, yes.
- I like you. - "I like you", you say,
"Je t'aime beaucoup."
Ce sont vraiment des sauvages.
Savages!
Voilà, musique. Elle est très bien, la musique, Étienne.
- Do you like this music? - Yeah, I like this music.
I think that we should talk about where we're gonna go eat dinner.
- No, no, no, come back. - Shh!
Leave me alone!
What do you want?
No!
Oh, please, please, what do you want?
And so we ask, O Lord, that you deliver our beloved Maureen
back into the loving embrace of our family.
We also ask for forgiveness for those lost souls
who have caused so much pain and suffering to our family.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen.
- Amen. - Thank you.
You can screw that forgiveness part.
Dad, you just gotta believe that these prayers...
I mean, that was some advice you gave her!
I mean, "see the world"?
That's not fair.
Shouldn't we allow the State Department to do what they can?
The State Department is doing dick!
I've been discussing this matter...
I think I know a way to get Maureen back.
- We'll talk about it tomorrow. Okay, Pop? - Don't hand me that.
You and Mike will screw around forever with these government nitwits.
You want action, not talk.
Well, I agree, sir. But who do you think can help us?
Well, there are a few, a very few men...
Remo, Mack Bolan, Jake Speed.
In this case, I think probably Jake Speed's the man for the job.
- Er, Pop, why... - Well, er...
Who are these people? I mean, what do they do?
They defeat evil where it exists, pinhead.
- But what's in it for them? - You got mush for brains, man!
They do it for us.
These are books.
Characters in books.
No shit! And why do you think they got to be books?
I have no idea, Mr Winston.
Because so few decent things happen in this world
that when something does, people like to read about it.
You tell me who's out there trying to do the right thing.
Grandpa, these fellas just exist in your imagination.
Your ass!
They get results.
Something that's in pretty short supply around here.
- 'Now, about that car...' - Sorry, Pop.
Those weak, whining simps out there,
they're letting the trail go cold as a witch's tit.
They ought to nuke the bastards.
We don't know who to nuke.
I wish it were that easy.
Oh, if I was only a little younger, I'd go get her back myself.
I know you would, Pop.
Now, this is nobody's fault.
Maybe it's a blessing.
At least your grandfather believes in somebody.
Speedy Jake Romero.
Whatever.
And who are our heroes?
- Nobody. - Right.
With Pop's state of mind, there are fewer disappointments in life.
Yeah.
Did you hear something?
No.
Come on, hurry.
Wendy! Margaret!
- Come in! - What's going on?
Favourite animal party.
Nice choice.
There's exciting and fascinating people inside.
I'm game.
Listen, I'm beat. Why don't you go?
- You sure? - Yes.
- No, I'll go with you. - No, really, I'm just tired.
- Will you be all right? - Mm-hmm.
What's the latest on her sister?
Hmm?
Margaret's sister.
Oh. Nothing.
Looks pretty bad.
'So, there I was at the Colosseum.
'I just can't believe that people were sitting
'where I was thousands of years ago.
'I wish you were here. This is the most exciting thing I've ever done.
'I can't wait to hug you.
'I don't think Mum and Dad would ever have let me go if you hadn't talked them into it.
'Oh, I bought the best shoulder bag at the Spanish Steps.
'It's red. You will love it. Wait till you see what I've got for you.
'I sure hope you like it.
'God, I still can't believe I'm going to Paris.
'It's like a dream.
'I don't want this to end.
'I miss you lots. Kisses and hugs.
'Bye.'
Are you up?
Yeah.
Dad was right.
It is my fault.
Oh, Margaret.
- What's that? - What?
I stepped on it at the party.
This is so sick.
What is it?
"If you want to find your sister,
"meet us at midnight at Magill's Pub, San Pedro Docks."
Ken. Come with us.
- What? - Another party.
- What do I wear? - You look terrific.
We can't go in there.
How bad can it be?
Awful!
I understand places like this can be very rough.
I'll pay you!
Somebody get him off me!
I'll give you the damn money!
Just in time for happy hour.
Maybe we'll see somebody we know.
I'll give you the damn money!
Oh, shit!
Margaret Winston?
- I'm Desmond Floyd. - So what?
Jake Speed's associate.
- Who? - Jake Speed.
Isn't that the guy your grandfather was talking about?
The guy from the comic books?
Paperback novels.
Excuse me?
- You wanna find your sister? - This ought to be good.
The boss is gonna be here any second.
I had to talk him into considering your case. He's very particular.
And you're very lucky.
- Hey... - Do you mind?
- How they hangin', huh, baby? - Stop it!
I'd like to introduce myself. You see, I was just sitting over there...
Will you sit down?
Oh, come on. Come on.
If you're some kind of hero, why don't you do something here quick?
Don't worry.
Isn't there anybody in this sleazy dump here who can help a lady?
Just...
Yeah, well, er... See you later, mate.
Be good to the little woman.
I need a drink.
So...
- Margie. - Ugh.
It's Margaret.
Whatever.
- Is everything all set? - What?
What are you talking about?
Er... sorry, boss, I got here a little late,
and I didn't get to the details yet.
Okay.
Your sister was kidnapped in Paris two weeks ago.
You contacted the State Department.
Some jamoke senator.
They're getting nowhere.
They'll never find her.
I can.
We leave tomorrow, you leave in two days. Des, give her the travel plans.
Wait a minute, buster!
So you can read a newspaper, so what?
Hey, you gotta take it easy, Jake.
She's harmless. She doesn't mean anything.
Even weirdos can read.
- What is this shit? - Easy, Jake, easy.
Stay with it. This is important... for us.
Your sister was kidnapped by an international gang of white slavers.
You gotta be kidding!
Just look at her.
She's perfect.
- This really feels right, now come on. - All right.
- Will you just go? You just go. - She's in Africa.
Let me guess. You and the, er...
Urinator of Reamer are going to rescue her.
It's Remo the Destroyer.
- And he works for somebody else. - Oh, yeah?
Pinnacle.
Oh.
Stand up.
Can you handle an adventure?
I've never had one before.
I don't mean to be rude, but I don't read your books.
My grandfather does, though. He's a big fan.
If you know so much about this,
which it seems you do,
why do you need me to go with you?
- Sometimes you do things the hard way. - Why?
Reads better.
She, er... has to go to the ladies' room.
Have you lost your mind?
Those men are crazy. Don't talk to them. It only encourages them.
What if he's telling the truth?
I mean, what if he does know where Maureen is?
He probably knows where Santa Claus lives.
Margaret, don't you understand?
They are not who they say they are.
Characters in books like that, they're not real.
Come here. I'll prove this is a hoax.
Lady, are you gonna buy it or memorise it?
Is this guy real?
- Real? - Yeah, real.
Honey, er... are you being serious?
Sure he's real. Everybody knows that.
In fact, I play cards with him every Thursday night...
me, Jake Speed, Batman.
Thanks.
Oh, Sherlock Holmes, and once in a while Superman sits in.
You see? I told you.
Even if he does exist, which obviously he doesn't,
you can't run around the world with this whacko.
You'd be crazy.
Right?
'The Teflon-coated boy cleared a neat path through Jake's hair,
'even as Chuco and his gunsels were nearly upon him,
'he had to reach up, feel it, and laugh.
'You see, Jake's got this barber, Mario, not some hair stylist,
'just a regular guy who cuts hair.
'Jake then threw HARV into an uncontrolled tailspin,
'through Sid's fleeing heathen minions.
'They had never seen the likes of this kind of wagon.
'Machine guns blazing from portholes,
'canons firing from its rooftop,
'death pouring from everywhere.
'HARV truly was the 4-wheel, 5-speed hell men of evil had learned to dread.'
You've got to be kidding!
'Then, in a blur of motion,
'Jake unleashed the lead-spinning hell
'from the most powerful automatic weapon ever carried by a man... the Kid.'
No, I'm sorry, guys. No, really.
What is happening?
Sorry, guys.
Excuse me, sir. Is there a payphone here?
A payphone?
No, maybe next time. I'm not hungry today.
No.
Where is he?
You made it.
Sorry we couldn't pick you up, but gas is six bucks a gallon.
- Where's Jake Speed? - He's here.
All right, boys, this is my lucky day.
You sure of that?
Welcome to the USA.
USA?
United States of Africa.
Unfortunately, both states hate each other's guts.
There's gonna be trouble. Come this way.
- Both states? - It's a young country.
What kind of trouble?
Revolution.
Jake! Look who's here.
Hi. You look nice.
A revolution?
Where are the drinks?
- Now? - Looks like it.
- What are we gonna do? - Hey. Take care of this guy.
It's not something that we planned on, but we can handle it.
- That's gonna cost you. - Have you found my sister?
Oh...
- We got some great leads. - Like what?
Give me...
- What are they? Well, what are they? - Don't worry about it.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
Well, don't we have to hurry, then?
Thank you very much!
We're rich! We're rich! We got at least 40 bucks.
At least we don't have to sneak out of the hotel at night.
So, Jake, what's the next step?
I got everything under control.
What do you mean, "under control"?
We're zeroing in.
We're definitely zeroing in.
So this is HARV, the wonder car?
You've been reading.
Long flight.
Our Heavy Armoured Raiding Vehicle has been delayed,
but it's on its way.
- Right, Des? - It'll be here, Jake.
Des doesn't screw up like this often.
You mean...?
Doc Savage used these great guys all the time.
Des! Des, what does that say about him?
Savage isn't even in the business anymore.
Wait! There is such a thing?
Well, you read about it.
Jake...
Jake!
Thank you.
Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do,
but we really need this one.
I'll call you when I'm set.
- Let's hear from you soon. - Gotcha.
- Where's he going? - Work.
Don't I have to check in?
- We're checked in. - "We"?
We. Mr and Mrs John Smith.
I'm not coming in there.
This is so obvious.
Don't I get my own room?
It's open.
This will be fine.
Just fine. Thank you.
But let me tell you right now, bud.
You sleep over here, and I sleep here.
Don't even think about it.
I can take care of myself.
I can tell. I appreciate the backup.
What are you doing?
Lady, I'm a professional.
You ought to know that by now.
I don't know anything about you.
You can read.
You want one?
No.
Look, if you wanna go through with getting your sister back, just pipe up.
You know I can't go anywhere.
I know. I was just testing you.
You flunked.
I always forget something when I travel.
How about you?
Do you travel a lot?
Where's my toothbrush?
You're kinda cute.
Not my cup of tea, but pretty popular, I guess.
So... where did you and Des meet?
Volume one.
- Yeah. - Mr Smith?
I have two very eligible bachelors here in need of a date.
That's great. Where are you?
Monaco.
Bar and grill.
Get changed, baby. We're going out.
This will be great.
This?
- You're sure? - Yeah, it's perfect.
- Where are we going? - Monaco bar and grill.
Sounds nice, huh?
Why are we going for cocktails?
No, I can answer that.
Nice dress.
Good dinner.
A few laughs, and lots of drinks.
Then we wander back here.
Good plan.
Guess I'd better shower first, huh?
Good idea.
Why don't we take a shower together?
Come on, Maggie. Let's go get your sister.
You know, you never told me how much this was going to cost.
What do you mean, "cost"?
How much? How much do you charge?
I don't charge.
You mean, you don't charge money for what you do?
No.
And how can I do that?
Suppose you are right, and you didn't have enough money to pay me.
If all this were just about money,
I'd be working for the wrong side most of the time.
I gave last week.
Damn!
What?
We're running out of time.
Listen,
if you're trying to scare me, you might as well forget it.
Oh, shit!
Hang on, hang on!
Sorry! I'm sorry!
Don't ever doubt me.
All right, baby,
whatever he's paying you,
I'll give you double.
Walk away.
What if I don't feel like it?
Then I'll tear your head off and shit in the hole.
Bill Smith, Joe Smith.
This is John Smith.
- Who are these guys? - Shh!
So...
- You guys interested? - Yeah, I am.
Screw him!
- You're a man-sized mound of shit! - Gentlemen!
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
- How much? - $1,500.
- 2,000. - 3,000.
- 3,500. - 4,000.
I'm not selling a Buick.
Get up.
Hey, fellas.
Maybe she ain't no day at the beach, but come on, $4,000, please!
What?
Why, you rotten son of a bitch!
- You said you'd find... - Jesus!
She's a fiery bitch! I like that.
4,500.
- Good. - Five grand.
- For this? - Wait!
- You don't want me. - Why?
I have a venereal disease.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
- Dose? - Yep.
- Clap? - Mm-hmm.
Trip?
- Syph? - Mmh.
Mobile dandruff?
- Crotch crickets? - All of it.
Goody, goody. We got a lot in common, baby.
Bloody bastards!
You would think they're fighting for paradise. Shit!
Hold on there, Bill.
Joe, are you gonna pass up this little beauty?
- Hey, wait a minute now! - Shut up!
Oh, shit!
We're talking a low-mileage item.
- Ow! - Sold for $5,100,
and you won't be disappointed.
Now, wait a minute!
Where are you?
Don't... be a sore loser.
Let's beat feet, baby.
You conned me, you loathsome phoney!
- You stinking, rotten rat! - Rat?
Kill that son of a bitch! Take it easy on the girl.
I'm the last of the original nice guys.
How you doing? You're a real heartbreaker.
You really screwed that up.
Me?
That's right, turn everything all around.
Jeez!
It wasn't me who pissed everybody off and ruined a perfectly good plan.
What are you talking about?
Simple.
We were gonna sell you to the guys who have your sister,
follow you back to their hideout, break you both out,
and then we all escape.
Oh, God!
Jesus!
What if the guys you sold me to didn't go straight back?
With medicine what it is, you'll get over it.
But what if you sold me to the wrong guys?
- That'd make a piss-poor story, wouldn't it? - Oh, you son of a...
This running shit's for the birds!
All right!
That's more like it! Now what do you think, huh?
- I think we're in big trouble. - Nah...
Oh, yes, Jake.
Oh, darn it!
Do something!
Never shoot at the wrong guys. It's not our fight. It's not the way I work.
How did he know where we'd be?
Cos we'd be dead if he didn't.
All right.
Enough of this bullshit.
Back to plan A.
You know, you always go with your first impulse.
I can do that, too.
Oh...
I bought these clothes just for this trip.
Better pack.
Why do you do this?
Cos that's what I do.
I wanna go home.
No, you don't.
- Things are just getting good. - No!
Okay! No more bullshit! No more cute remarks!
Who are you guys really?
It's all in there. Look it up.
All right.
- Who is Reno Melon? - We made it up.
It's Jake's favourite town and my favourite breakfast food.
- Would you shut up? - Wait a minute.
If you're such a big deal, why haven't they ever made a movie?
You ever tried to deal with those people?
Look, you said you wanted an adventure.
What the hell did you expect? A weekend in Palm Springs?
I never said that.
I said I wanted to find my sister.
Jake!
Don't walk away from me.
Jake, don't blame this mess on me.
Believe me, I don't blame you.
You either get me out of here or you find my sister now!
- Okay. - Okay, what?
You're starting to piss me off.
- Jake! Jake! - Get off my back.
You fruitcake!
You fairy! I bet you're both queer for each other.
You know what I ought to do?
I ought to...
You're weird.
You fellas gonna walk away or what?
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Hold on.
Good.
- They give off heat. - Boy, that's not all!
This isn't bad.
Okay. What are we doing in this place?
Er... this is where HARV is supposed to be dropped.
Right. HARV, the wonder car?
- HARV. Heavily Armoured Raiding Vehicle. - It'll be here.
Er, boss...
I don't know about this.
We had a good plan.
We didn't give it a chance.
Come on.
What's going on here?
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
Trust me.
What are you doing?
What's going on?
Trust me. It's very important.
Des, let's get this out of the way.
- Take it. - What?
Go on. Go on, take it. Take the gun.
- What are you, crazy? - Oh, forget it.
Jake, we can put the gun in later.
Jake...
What the hell is going on here?
If you don't have a cover, you don't have a book.
- Why am I here? - Er... well, you like a good story.
I don't give a good damn about a story!
What I care about is my sister.
We'll get your sister.
Sure.
What makes you think some moronic car called HARV is gonna show up,
when it hasn't and it probably won't?
Because I want it.
And if you want something bad enough, you get it.
You never had a plan.
You crackpots never had a plan.
Or was that the plan? Not to have one?
You know, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have this opportunity.
Until I change my mind about this plan,
which I admit, it was a mistake, but baby, I don't make very many of them,
except maybe where you're concerned,
we were gonna wait here for that car called HARV to be dropped.
And then we were gonna fight our way through enemy territory,
scale the highest mountain in this goddamn place,
traverse a bridge that was about to collapse,
and then, if we were lucky, I mean real lucky,
we were gonna fight our way through 2,000 extremely poisonous snakes.
There are thousands of snakes around here?
There's gotta be if you look hard enough.
You're mad.
No, I'm sorry. You're a lunatic.
Why? Why is that?
Hasn't it ever occurred to you that there just might be an easier way?
Yeah, so where is the entertainment value?
I want my sister!
Please, just leave me alone.
I don't want to fight anymore.
I'm never gonna find my sister.
I'm never gonna get out of here alive.
Come on, kid. Snap out of it.
Why do you think bad things happen anyway?
So you have something good to look forward to.
If everything was same old, same old,
you'd die of boredom.
Don't worry.
When you're right, nothing can happen to you.
We will find Maureen.
Thank you very much, Miss Winston!
She couldn't have gotten that far.
What in the hell'd she have to do this for?
Maybe she thought it would make good reading.
Something's happened to her.
- Which way? - To town.
Not even a note.
Hey!
Can I have a lift? Hey!
Please, erm...
Can you give me a ride? Stop!
Thank you! Thank you!
Why, good afternoon, Miss. May we be of service?
I'm lost out here. I was trying to get to the next town, but I don't know where it is,
and I met these guys, but I'm not sure who... I'm not sure who they think they are.
Oh, God, you don't know what I've been through.
All the Europeans and Americans are being evacuated by the British Consulate.
Shall we take you there?
Oh, that would be great.
Would you like a dry overcoat?
Sure. I... I'd love one, yes, thanks.
Excuse me, please.
I'll be right back. I'll be right back!
I don't know how to thank you both. You probably saved my life.
Oh, forget it. Hope you find your sister.
- Thank you. - You be careful.
Jesus!
Why do people do this, Jake?
No.
This can't turn out this way.
Well...
That's an interesting and sad story, Miss Winston. I...
I feel horrible hearing about your sister.
Please excuse all this chaos.
I feel quite sick about having to leave this magnificent place.
Are these men Jake and Des?
Robert Ronson and James Packwood.
I have to admit they are conmen with a lot of imagination.
Ronson?
Packwood?
Why doesn't she believe us?
We believe. That's why we win.
They brought other Americans in for one adventure or another.
Last Christmas, it was a baby dinosaur hunt.
We had to save their skins from some pretty irate customers, I can tell you.
This is their first rescue mission, though.
Tea?
Cream? Sugar?
That's fine.
I can't believe it.
They were really nice.
Just not very real.
# Let us root
# Root, root for the home team
- # If they... - # If we don't win, it's a shame
# Cos it's one, two, three strikes, you're out
# At the old ball game #
Maggie?
Hi.
Whoa! Miss me, Jake?
No.
I'm just glad we didn't mess up a good book.
Erm... uh!
I, er... I...
I have to, er...
Excuse me.
This is great.
You being back, I mean...
It's great, er, it's... It's great.
- Jake, I... - No.
This is perfect timing, too. There's lots of confusion out there.
I mean, we... we slip in, piff, paff, boom...
Then we're gone. I mean, you know, it'll work.
I mean...
You are great, too.
We couldn't leave her to run around the way she was.
- There are laws against that around here. - You didn't have to come...
Wait a minute.
Jake, I'm sorry.
They said that you were...
Never mind.
I'll handle it.
- So? - Shall we go?
You're expected.
Move it!
I'm sorry.
That almost says it all.
"I'm sorry."
Swell!
I'm sorry I screwed up your plan.
Whatever that was.
What is that supposed to mean?
My plan was a good one.
Fine! I'll never doubt you again.
Good!
Where are they taking us?
I don't wanna ruin your day, but...
you're about to meet...
the slimiest son of a bitch to ever walk this Earth.
- You mean, you know who he is? - Oh, yeah.
We go way back. Back to...
- Volume two. - Too bad we never met before.
Hey, I wasn't talking to you, ass ears!
- You're talking to me now. - Oh, yeah, what about?
How about your profile?
Don't worry.
This guy isn't gonna hurt us.
His boss wants the honour.
Oh, these are solid chicks, Mustafa.
Come on, girls.
Stand in front of the gentlemen.
Two angels from Los Angeles.
You know what that means?
These girls, they know how to party.
Don't you, my dears?
Don't you just love their suntan?
Er... huh! You want them white?
Well, easy!
Just keep them out of the sun.
What do you say?
25 grand apiece?
Cheap at the price!
Excuse me.
Oh!
I'm sorry for the interruption.
Damn!
What did we say? We...
30 grand apiece, was it?
What on earth is going on in here?
Look at this!
This rug cost $10,000,
and you're draining this savage's blood on it.
Sidney, you're supposed to be selling, not shooting.
Maurice, shut your yap!
Sell or shoot, you don't do both.
If this stain doesn't come out...
He doesn't understand beauty.
All he knows is his money on the crudest level.
Who really has the business mind in this family?
Well, it's me, of course.
I read the Wall Street Journal, he doesn't.
It's not that I feel in any way superior to him,
it's just that he can be so...
...upset!
- Margie! - Maureen!
I wanna go home.
I told you I could find her.
What have you done to my sister?
Relax, toots!
You and I should feel so good.
Huh!
Jake!
Sid!
You know my brother Maurice?
Hi.
- Maurice. - Mr Speed.
This is wonderful.
A family reunion.
I'm touched.
Yes.
Well, I'd love to have a talk with you, but, er...
but this burg is crumbling, and I've got inventory to move.
I'll try to stop by and see you...
before we kill you.
It's great seeing you, Jake.
You too, Sid.
I'll be seeing you.
No, it's unlikely.
Hey!
Toots!
Maurice.
Yeah, a bit straight, but you've got potential.
You scum-sucking pig!
How old are you, pussycat?
How old?
- Twenty-seven. - Yes, that's what I thought.
Sorry, this is a game for kids.
You putrid, rancid son of a bitch!
You...
I'm sorry.
Not bad!
I've been looking for one of these.
You must've bought that in the little boys' department.
If you tell anyone how much you paid,
I'll deny it.
You gentlemen are tough.
Now, Maurice here will tie up all the little details
like, er... cashola.
Maurice, will you leave that bleeding rug alone, for crying out loud,
we've got business here.
- We've got business here. - Maurice!
You know, Maggie...
I was really proud of you back there.
You really... really got balls.
I guess I should thank you for getting us this far.
Nah...
You don't have to.
You're right.
We're gonna be executed within the hour anyway.
Not if we get out of here first.
I told you not to buy here.
- Little brother, that was your idea. - Never!
Have you got a defective memory?
- Excuse me. - What do you want?
It's getting real dangerous out there, boss. I think we'd better roll.
Well, make sure that Ali Baba gets his babes. I got a reputation to protect.
Jeez! Be careful.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's more like it.
How did you arrange this?
Did you see me tie myself up?
I mean, let's be professional about this.
Ugh!
Before we split, take care of Speed and the sister.
You'd better do it now.
You said you'd visit them first.
I was being polite.
Oh!
Where did you get that scar?
Oh! That, er...
That would be, er... volume twelve.
I thought so.
Are you sure you're trying your best?
Trust me.
This will only hurt a little.
I doubt it.
- What do we do now? - Buy some more rope?
Funny!
It was a joke. Huh!
I think I'm gonna be sick.
We don't have time.
I'll be back.
That's pretty good.
Where's Speed and the girl?
They got away.
Oh?
Poor Rodrigo. Did they hurt you?
I'll get over it.
It is terrible.
Go after them.
Rest, Rodrigo.
Rest.
You're very kind, Maurice.
Oh, that feels good.
Sidney!
Maurice! I'm eating!
This will rot your caviar.
- Speed and the girl have escaped. - Rodrigo?
- I'll... - Sidney. I already did.
Good boy.
Maureen!
It's all right, it's all right.
We're going home.
Without even a goodbye, Jake.
I'm crushed.
Being the good guy is so predictable.
You do everything right.
As for myself...
You're a goddamn animal!
Who? Moi?
Sid...
Leave them out of this. Have fun with me.
I wouldn't dream of hurting these girls.
Just a show of power.
I'm a bad guy, Jake.
I do anything I want.
I lie.
I cheat.
I steal.
I kill.
Let's see...
Have I left something out?
I take great pride
in never having lived up to anything.
Right, Jake?
Right.
You like this pussycat, don't you, Jake?
You kidding me?
She means nothing to me.
Just business.
Nothing to you is just business.
Sid...
I'm begging you.
I'd like to see that.
You're a disgusting asshole!
So, shoot me!
I didn't know you had that.
That's why they call it a concealed weapon.
What is it?
Kid's in there.
It's his gun.
You crazy?
- You can get another one. - I don't want another!
I hate lions.
It is not the hospitality suite.
On the contrary!
Drop it.
Well, it's one less shirt to pack.
Things don't look too good for you, Jake.
Thanks for the tip.
Perhaps I didn't need to say so.
But then you and me go back a long way.
Go on, bring him down from there.
Go on.
Go on, go on, it's all right, it's all right.
Chow time, pussycats!
Well... beats the hell out of Tender Vittles.
Jake.
Margie.
Oh, I'm glad it's you, Jake.
I don't know what I'd do.
Hold on! Jake, do something.
Sidney! If you think that I am going to do your packing...
Aye, aye, aye...
Easy...
Yeah!
Get in!
Have we forgotten anything?
More than I care to remember.
Get your arse in here.
Move it!
- Good to see you, pal. - Likewise. Let's get out of here.
Step on it!
If we get there first, I'll make you rich.
I'll kill you if we don't.
Don't this whip go no faster?
What are you doing?
Just let the man by.
He just wants to get out. If you only listened to me for once.
This is awful. You're awful.
- Give! - No, not that! No!
There ain't much more that I can do.
How about you?
Get out! Move! Move!
You are not gonna get rich.
Come on.
Coming through, coming through.
- I got her, I got her. - Coming through.
Jake!
- We gotta get on that plane, now. - I hear you, boss.
We're not leaving without you.
No! No!
Opponents like this...
No!
You son of a bitch!
Hang it up, Jake, you're old news.
Now it's terrorists, bombers, politicians, lawyers,
people like me.
Everybody's living off somebody else.
Well, don't you get it, Jake?
It's our time.
You're too good to be true.
You're history, Jake.
If that were true, the gun wouldn't have jammed.
Evil may triumph, Sid, but never conquer.
You're a boy scout.
Refreshing, isn't it?
Let him go, Sid.
No!
Come on, Jake.
- Des! - Get on the plane!
Oh, Jake, I'm gonna miss you.
Believe me...
you're not through with me yet.
Come with me, Jake.
- Please! - I can't. I can't.
Jake! Let me hear from you again, Jake.
If you promise me, I know it'll happen.
I promise! I promise!
Heroes don't die.
Why the hell didn't you get out of here?
This one's gonna make us bigger than ever.
You're a crazy bastard, Speed.
Come on, we need a big finish.
Oh, God!
No!
It's all right, it's all right...
- Hi. - Hi.
Great weather.
What are you up to?
A little reading.
Can I guess?
I gotta pick up something.
You don't really expect to hear from... him, do you?
Yes, I do.
All right, put them right there.
Shake a leg, Jim.
Lady, are you buying it or are you memorising it?
I'm gonna buy two.
One for Grandpa and one for me.
Thank you, but I don't have much change.
Keep the change.
Give it to Jake at the next card game.
'The Dodges won three to nothing.
'Jake was miffed.
'He hated the Dodges, and he knew he'd hate Magill's Pub, too.
'Turned out he was wrong.
- 'Anyway, Magill's Pub...' - 'I mean, what a joke!
'More like a roach barn for laid-off longshoremen,
'all for some hare-brained scheme of Des's.
'A woman on an adventure?
'Come on! It wasn't done.
'But her eyes reflected more than a potential physical therapy session.
'They radiated need, confidence.
'As Jake would soon find out, courage.
'Truly irresistible.
'This time, when the lights came on,
'Jake had Margaret in hand.
"'Don't be a sore loser," Jake retorted.
'With that, another explosion rocked the room.
'The lights went out, allowing Jake to head for the nearest exit.
'With Margaret in tow,
'Jake plunged through a window, three stories to the ground.
'Thank the Gods for the two rebel soldiers
'unfortunate enough to be standing where they landed.
'Jake and Margaret were up and off,
'pursued by the rest of the squashed rebel buddies,
'all one hundred of them, guns blazing back and forth.'