Lew Harper for Mrs. Sampson.
- Yes? - Lew Harper.
Park it over there.
This way, Mr. Harper.
- Mrs. Sampson? - That's right.
Lew Harper.
Albert Graves telephoned. Said you needed me for something.
Oh.
- A drink, Mr. Harper? - Not before lunch, thanks.
- I thought you were a detective. - New type.
Oh.
Albert Graves is one of our lawyers.
It's on his recommendation I'm hiring you.
It's about time he threw some business my way.
I've known Albert since he was DA up here.
Oh. He said you were good at finding things.
My husband's...
You're sitting on my robe.
My husband's disappeared.
Tried Missing Persons?
Well, that might mean publicity. Ralph loathes publicity.
Besides, he's got an abnormal fear of the police.
I simply want you to find him and tell me which female he's with.
- Any particular female? - I haven't the least notion.
Ralph need never know about this.
He'd be sure I was gathering material for divorce proceedings.
Actually, I have no intention of divorcing him.
I only intend to outlive him. I only want to see him in his grave.
- What a terrible thing to say. - People in love will say anything.
I used to love him, before we were married.
But after we took our vows, I had an accident,
and that very same week Ralph started fooling around with a new lady.
It's taken me a while to forgive him.
A long, long while.
When did your husband...
Don't you want to know what happened to me?
Not necessary.
- When did your husband disappear? - Yesterday.
Our pilot, Allan, flew Ralph down from Vegas.
When they reached the airport, Allan put the plane away.
When he came back, Ralph had given him the slip.
- Any particular reason? - Drunk.
I don't like him drunk on the loose.
He gets sloppy, sentimental. He gives things away.
Last time it happened, he gave away a whole mountain.
He gave it to some semi-nude religious nut from Los Angeles.
You know, LA is the big league for religious nuts.
That's 'cause there's nothing to do at night.
If you can find him quickly, I'd be grateful.
And if he's with another woman, I'd be...
Well, more than interested.
Felix.
You're lurking in doorways again.
I did not want to interrupt.
You can go now. I'll have my lunch up here as usual.
Thank you.
Allan's down by the pool.
Any more particulars you want you can get from him.
I'll leave the matter of fee up to Albert Graves to settle.
Did you drive up from LA?
Leave your car here.
Felix will drive you to Albert's office. It's only 10 minutes away.
Goodbye, Mr. Harper.
It would help some if I knew what your husband looked like.
Oh, silly of me.
Here.
You can keep that one.
"A poor thing, but mine own."
Where's the telephone?
I have to call Los Angeles.
Do you got one with a little more privacy?
That's the phone the help's supposed to use.
- Hello. - Hello, Fred? It's Lew.
Is Susan there yet?
Yes.
Tell her I'm not gonna be able to make it today.
I got called in on a situation.
And we were going to get everything settled today.
Where is he this time?
I'm up in Santa Theresa. Tell her Albert Graves called.
Said he needed me for something. She'll understand.
Something about Albert Graves needing him
and you'll understand.
No. No, I don't.
I've been trying to get this divorce thing settled for too long now,
and I have lately been running low on understanding.
- She says she's... - I heard.
Tell her that I...
We're supposed to be handling this like adults.
Now, I don't want a screaming match,
but the last time we were going to meet something came up, too.
It wasn't my fault.
- He says it wasn't... - I heard.
I don't care what he says.
He's just trying to stall because he thinks I'm gonna change my mind about this.
Well, I may change a lot of things from now on,
but my mind isn't about to be one of them.
Look, let me speak to her, will you?
- Here. - No.
Would you put her on?
Take it. Talk to him.
I have taken it. Every year since we were married I took it.
And I've talked to him, too. He holds no more surprises.
No more nothing.
You hear me, Lew? I don't love you.
And you can get shot in some stinking alley
and I'll be a little sorry, sure, but that's all.
Just a little sorry.
Tell him that, lawyer. Tell the man he is not loved.
Hey!
Hey. Top of the morning.
- Allan Taggert. - Lew Harper.
That's Mr. Sampson's daughter.
Miranda.
Lew Harper.
- Could we talk? - Sure.
Can you tell me something...
My stepmother, Lady Macbeth, is always going to extremes.
Meaning me, Miss Sampson? I'm a very moderate type fella.
Not you especially.
Everything she does is extreme.
Other women fall off horses without getting paralyzed.
Not Elaine. I think it's psychological, don't you?
You've been reading too many books.
That's something they'll never accuse you of.
She's not a raving beauty anymore.
- Can I have a sandwich? - Yes.
So she retired from competition.
Falling off the horse gave her a chance to do it.
And for all I know she did it intentionally.
And you've got to admit it's pretty extreme,
hiring a private detective
when your husband's been gone just one night.
That may be so, Miss Sampson.
Tell me about Sampson's disappearance.
He disappeared.
Yesterday afternoon about 3:30,
we flew in from Vegas and landed at Van Nuys Airport.
I let Mr. Sampson off at the administration building.
He said he wanted to call the Bel-Air Hotel for a limousine.
Daddy keeps a bungalow there.
I taxied the plane up to our hangar and tied it down.
When I got back to the entrance, Mr. Sampson wasn't there.
I waited. Then I went to the Bel-Air Hotel and I waited some more.
What about luggage? Was he planning to spend the night?
He said he was, but he didn't have any luggage.
That doesn't mean anything.
Daddy keeps a lot of clothes at the bungalow.
He likes to be able to pick up fast.
So do I.
How long did it take you to bed down the plane?
Fifteen minutes. Twenty at the outside.
That's not very much time for a limousine to get there from the Bel-Air.
Maybe he never called the hotel. Maybe somebody met him at the airport.
Will you be going back to Los Angeles?
- Yeah, after I see a friend. - Male or female?
Sampson's lawyer.
Albert Graves.
Well, you can fly Mr. Harper there or you can stay here with me.
I'll fly.
It'll keep me from getting bored.
- Hey, you in a hurry? - Yeah, sort of.
- Storing up for the winter? - Yeah.
- Come on, let's split. - Sold!
You met my friend Felix?
He's always listening.
We're friends, aren't we, Felix?
He's some cat, that Felix.
How come so rough on Miranda?
How come everybody jumps to conclusions about me and Miranda?
Listen, she's no genius, you know.
Besides, she's an adolescent. I can't help the way she feels.
Anyway, I got myself a real woman.
How does Miranda get along with her old man?
Okay, until a little while ago,
when he started trying to make her get married.
Oh, yeah? Anybody in particular?
Yeah. Your buddy.
Albert Graves.
Oh.
Oh! Hi.
You look like death warmed over.
Always nice to hear from my fans. What's that?
What's that?
- Things any better with Susan? - Yeah. Terrific.
Good, good.
Oh, I just... Staying in shape.
I still do the old Canadian Air Force exercises every morning.
Yogurt for lunch and then a lot of this.
It's all paying off, don't you think?
Yeah, I've never seen you look more ravishing than you are at the moment.
You talk to Mrs. Sampson?
- That's a sweet lady. Warm, content. - A love.
- Why'd she hire me? - I talked her into it.
I think Sampson needs protection.
He's worth $20 million on the hoof and he's an alcoholic.
That's just for openers.
I also think he's losing his mind.
Did she mention Claude, the holy man he gave the mountain to?
Yeah.
Now Mrs. Sampson thinks the old man is running with another woman.
That's because I encouraged her to think that.
She'd never spend a penny on him if she only thought his life was in danger.
What about the old-fashioned custom of calling the police?
I can't. He's psychotic on the subject.
If I went to them and they found him, he'd fire me.
What kind of a weirdo is Sampson?
Well, I can tell you everything in one word: moneymaker.
He has to make money. He's dedicated to it.
It's the only way he can prove to himself he's still breathing.
He had a son, you know.
A pilot. He was killed a few years back.
That's when he started losing his mind.
He's got this fella now, Allan Taggert.
- We met. Nice-looking fella. - Looks, looks. Who cares about looks?
Well, the point is, we're less than two hours' drive from Los Angeles,
so what does he need a pilot for?
Personally, I like Allan, but from a business standpoint
I feel he's an unnecessary expense.
How do you have an unnecessary expense with $20 million?
Well, that's enough exercising.
I don't wanna get too strong.
Did you meet Sampson's daughter?
That ugly, skinny kid? Yeah, we passed in the night.
Oh, Lew, isn't she incredible?
Oh, boy.
You dirty old man.
Go on. You think I'm too old for her.
No. When she's 100, you'll only be 124.
You think I'm old enough to be her father?
You're old enough to be her grandfather.
Go to hell.
Solid Citizen Albert, hung up on a chick at your age.
That's a hoot.
- Lew, did she say anything about me? - Nope.
- She didn't even mention my name? - I only saw her for a second.
Oh, that explains it.
How does she feel about you?
Well, she's young and cautious. You remember how that was.
But I have great expectations.
So do I.
My going rate is $2,000 flat
- against 100 hours a day and expenses. - It is like hell.
But you can have it if you'll mention my virtues to Miranda.
My pleasure.
Hey, what are your virtues?
I decided to fly down to LA with you, all right?
- Hello, Miranda. - Oh, hello, Albert.
Excuse me, honey.
Say, did you send a limousine for a Mr. Sampson
- to Van Nuys Airport yesterday? - No, sir.
Well, there was this here fella at the airport
said he left in a big, black limousine.
Well, he called here yesterday and asked for one,
but then he called back and canceled.
You sure it was Sampson both times?
Oh, yes. I recognize his voice. He's been coming here for years.
Did he sound drunk?
Oh, sir, I couldn't give that kind of information.
Sorry.
Got the key?
Well?
Daddy hasn't been here for a month. I just asked the desk clerk.
Terrific.
Here.
Well, I think I'll flake out awhile and then call some friends.
Well, I was hoping we might do something.
The thing about you, Miranda, is you're such a drag.
Wow!
No wonder your old man took to the sauce.
I would, too, if I had to sleep in here.
Ever since my brother died I've been trying to argue him out of it,
this astrology bit,
but obviously without much success.
- Any astrologist in particular? - None that I know of.
- Harper. - What?
- You work hard, you know that? - Yep. Regular beaver.
- Harper? - What?
Don't you ever feel the need to relax?
Let's relax some, Harper.
For what? So the beauty in the next room is gonna get all hot and bothered?
Lady, if you can't get him hot and bothered by yourself,
I sure ain't gonna do it for you.
Don't you think I'm attractive?
You're young, rich and beautiful, and my wife is divorcing me.
What do you think I think?
I think you wanna relax.
All right, honey. If you really wanna play around,
we'll just douse the lights and seal off the room.
Feel better now, Myrtle?
- You know her? - No.
- Hey, Beauty, Fay Estabrook strike a note? - Yeah.
You ever seen her with Sampson?
Any idea where she hangs out?
Yeah, sometimes.
She used to be a pretty hot young starlet. What happened to her?
She got fat!
Give me another one of those, will you?
It's 6:02.
We don't serve domestic after 6:00.
Only imported.
Terrific. Keep the change.
There is no change.
Keep it anyway.
Are you Miss Estabrook?
- No! Fay Estabrook? - Dumpling!
It is, isn't it? Can I have your autograph?
Well...
You know, it's for my daughter. She watches all your pictures.
She thinks you're just wonderful.
- That's nice. - I ain't bothering you, am I?
No. It's no bother.
Thanks. That's all right. Just sign right there.
No, that's all right, just one.
Just make it to Billie Lou. Something real intimate.
Ain't you got a pencil?
Well...
- Billie Lou? - Can I... Billie Lou. Yeah.
Can I sit down?
Actually, you know, that's... I don't have no daughter. That's for me.
I don't know how many fans you have. You probably got millions,
but ain't nothing, nobody who's more faithful than I am.
I just watch all your movies on the television.
Oh, that's nice.
- Can I buy you a drink? - Sure. Why not?
- Boy? - Wait a minute.
- When were you born? - June 2.
June 2. Gemini. Oh, Gemini are cold-hearted.
Oh, are you cold-hearted, dumpling?
Well, hell, big dogs is always licking my hand.
- Hey! - Oh, I'm sorry, baby!
- Oh, it's just what I needed, honey. - There's one in every crowd.
You're sweet. You ain't no Gemini.
Honey, where is the... The...
Hey, this place is like the morgue.
Where have all the merrymakers gone?
- I'm gonna take you home, honey. - Oh, now, don't rush things.
Come on, let's have another little drinkie first.
- You want another little drinkie? - No, stiffens up my chewing gum.
Anyway, you're too classy for a place like this.
Yeah. I am classy.
Not everybody notices.
Well, I got just the spot for you. Bel-Air Hotel.
Oh, the Bel-Air? Oh, yes, that's... Oh, I need...
Hey, you think you could cough up a split of champagne?
Oh, and let's have a little caviar, huh?
Oh, I love this place. I've always adored it.
Why, I'm so glad you suggested it.
- You know, I have a friend stays here a lot. - Oh, yeah?
Oh, you're jealous. You're getting jealous. I can tell!
What is it with me that men all the time wanna possess me?
Your friend stay around here now?
Oh, you really are jealous.
Oh, baby!
The green-eyed dragon!
Oh, Ralph's much older than you, baby.
And he's in Vegas,
and, besides, now I only do his astrological charts
and a little interior decorating.
I did his room in the hotel. Oh, I wish I could show it to you.
I have this fabulous taste.
You got everything, baby. Now, who is this fella Ralph?
Oh! He's my oldest friend.
But he's not a nice man.
He...
He's gotten to be a very kinky personality.
- Kinky? - Kinky is British for weird, you...
Weird. You know what I mean?
Say, you're a real pistol.
- Be back in a sec. - Oh...
You're supposed to be looking for Daddy.
Come on, get her out of here, will you?
That happens to be a hard night's work, buddy.
Say, Mrs. Sampson's been calling. She wants to get your advice.
- About what? - She got a special delivery...
She got a special delivery letter from Daddy.
He told her to tell Albert to cash in some bonds
and get some money ready.
About half a million, cash.
- Are you kidding? - That's what it said.
- Is she sure it's your father's writing? - Of course.
- Well, you better get the money. - And then?
Wait.
Till somebody gives us proof your father's still alive.
It's a possibility, so you might as well face it.
Why don't you get her bedded down?
No, you're no Mexican. I know Mexicans, and you're no Mexican.
- No, you're a phony Mexican. - Hey, what's the trouble, dumpling?
They don't wanna play La Cucaracha,
and I do La Cucaracha like nothing!
What do you know? You...
Honey, he ain't got no guitar.
Well, if he was a real Mexican, he'd have a guitar.
- Where do you live? - Why?
'Cause if I don't grab you pretty soon, I'm gonna get sick.
Oh, I live in the Pacific Palisades. 118 Woodlawn Lane.
- I'm gonna drive you home. - All right. I'm ready. I feel great!
Help!
Don't try to do anything to me tonight, dumpling. Everything's tilting.
Some other time. Any other time.
- Yeah? - Mr. Troy?
This is Betty. Is Fay there?
Listen, I heard she was in the Bel-Air a while ago, smashed, with some guy.
We don't want him at the house when the truck goes through,
so get rid of him.
- Where are you? - The Piano Bar. Where else would I be?
Is Ralph Sampson there?
All right, who is this?
I beg you not to do anything foolish, old stick.
- Is that thing loaded? - Six times.
Oh, boy.
- Who are you? - Oh, beauty before age, old stick.
Well, I'm Miss Estabrook's escort for the evening. I...
And I see the light on in Miss Estabrook's bedroom.
What were you doing in there?
I didn't go in there. I swear I didn't.
No, she had to go to the...
Yeah, well, she never could hold her liquor.
Boy, that's shocking treatment.
Ain't nothing like this ever happen in Texas.
Oh, you all from Texas, huh?
Why are you interested in an old bag of worms like her?
She's not an old bag of worms. She's the sexiest thing I ever seen.
Well, I disagree, but then, you see, I am married to Miss Estabrook
and I know whereof I speak.
See what I mean?
Now, my name is Dwight Troy.
I don't think you ever specified what your name was.
My name is Lewis Harper. I sell insurance.
I didn't know she was married. I'd sure like to get out of here.
Oh, relax, old stick. I am not the jealous type.
You want her, you can have her.
But I do not like strangers in my house.
So I don't think I'd better see you around here anymore.
Is that a threat?
Oh, is it ever, old stick. Now you get along.
You know a place called Piano?
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
But I don't think you wanna go there, mister.
Oh, well, I'm a swinger.
- Lew Harper. - Betty Fraley.
Nice sound you lay down.
Don't put me on. You're probably tone-deaf.
Maybe, but I got every side you ever cut.
You're not very hip, but I believe you.
Except you got cop's eyes.
Narcotics?
Listen, I did my time. I'm straight now.
- What are you after? - Ralph Sampson.
I know your voice.
You said you were Troy.
What about Sampson?
- I don't know him. - I think you do.
And I think I can convince my friends on the narcotics squad
that those tracks are fresh.
All right, I know him.
He comes in here sometimes and gets drunk.
He's a drunk, and all drunks look alike.
- What else you know? - Nothing.
- Come on. - Nothing.
- Come on! - Nothing!
Puddler.
He's fuzz, Puddler. Private.
Wise guys. Always making waves.
I'm gonna teach you.
Hot damn! I did it!
Hey, Harper. Hey, you see that?
Harper? You all right?
Sure you are. Come on.
Hey, you know, this detective work is really fun.
- Oh, boy. - Come on. Let's get out of here.
Wait a minute. Wait...
Can you make it?
- Where'd you come from? - I got Miranda bedded down.
So I talked one of my buddies out of a car
and started hitting some of Sampson's spots.
This joint was one of them. I was coming in when you were going out.
Well, I'm in your debt, Beauty.
- Where you parked? - Oh, across the street.
Hey, you really think Sampson was kidnapped?
- Who'd do it? - I don't know.
A guy named Troy, maybe a woman named Estabrook.
- Come on, let's go. - Where to?
Back to the first place I got thrown out of tonight.
What's this place all about?
That Fraley broad said something about a truck coming through
and somebody didn't want me around.
Maybe 'cause Sampson's in it.
- Do you want me to break that down? - You want to?
- You really mean it? - Go ahead.
Hot damn!
Yeah, detective work is really fun. Come on. Come on.
Oh, boy. That hurt a little bit? That hurt a little bit?
You know how to use this?
Oh, I prefer a Thompson, actually, but this'll do in a pinch.
You dirty rat!
- "You gave that man oranges?" - Okay. You all through?
If that truck should come through, or anybody else, let me know, will you?
Some other time, dumpling.
- What happened? - It's the truck.
I was trying to blow a tire.
Hey, Lew. You all right?
I'm awful tired of answering that question.
You sure the handwriting is his?
That moronic scrawl is unforgettable.
It's not unlikely your husband's been kidnapped, Mrs. Sampson.
Kidnapping is a federal offense.
I'm well aware of that, Mr. Harper,
but please don't bother suggesting that we bring in the police.
Kidnapping is a federal offense.
I'm not sure my husband's business dealings are completely legal.
Not all of them, anyway.
You may be jumping to conclusions.
For all we know,
Ralph may be planning a round-the-world jaunt
with some happy harlot and needs some spending money.
I think your husband's been kidnapped. I think that note was dictated.
Your husband keeps lousy company, Mrs. Sampson,
as bad as there is in LA.
And that's as bad as there is.
I knew it.
Oh, he loves playing the family man, but he never fooled me.
Water seeks its own level,
and that should leave Ralph bathing happily somewhere in a sewer.
Daddy may be dead, and you're crowing.
I don't believe it's the children's hour yet, darling.
You have such an advantage in emotional scenes, Elaine,
being frigid.
Puss, puss, puss.
Did Allan brush you off again?
You simpy, primping, narcissistic...
Either I'm a narcissist or I'm frigid, pussy.
I can't very well be both.
Excuse me, ladies.
Oh, why are you leaving? It's so attractive here.
I should think you'd be accustomed to not being loved by now.
I love your wrinkles. I revel in them.
Puss, puss, puss.
I...
I just don't enjoy carrying this kind of money around.
I'm a lawyer, not a financier.
Albert, you got any friends in the LA Police
from when you were DA up here?
I have some favors left uncollected, yes.
Get them to run a check on every black limousine
rented or stolen in the last three days.
See if you can get them to put somebody on a dive called The Piano.
Dwight Troy's place.
You mean Troy...
What do you know about him?
I had to take some papers to Las Vegas once for Sampson to sign.
He and Troy were gambling.
I checked on Troy.
He seems elegant enough, but people have a habit of dying around him.
I've tried telling Sampson, but...
Oh, thank heavens.
I was so nervous, bringing that here.
I got this out of mothballs.
You know, you always were the most unlikely war hero I ever knew.
Still know how to use it?
I hope not.
Better get a cop up here to keep an eye on that money.
You're not staying?
I'm getting buggy sitting around here.
It's about time I visited that mountain that Sampson gave away.
Miranda? Hello, Miranda. Miranda's coming.
How are you?
- Suicidal. - Oh.
I just had the nicest chat with stepmommy.
How do I get to that mountain, anyway?
Oh, here, I'll diagram it for you.
Don't bother. I'll take him. I've just got to get out of this house.
Wait till I change.
Wow!
I expect you to behave in all ways like a civilized human being.
First it's Taggert's boyish charm, and now it's your indefinable something.
- Poor, nice Albert. - I am nice.
Wouldn't you think she'd notice?
The bottom is loaded with nice people, Albert.
Only cream and bastards rise.
Why so fast, Harper? You trying to impress me?
You got a way of starting conversations that ends conversation.
Why is your wife divorcing you?
You got a way of starting conversations that ends conversation.
What do you do this kind of crummy work for, anyway?
What, are you trying to be funny?
I do it because I believe in the United Nations
and Southeast Asia and...
You think it's funny if your life depends on what goes through the Panama Canal?
What about the English pound?
I'll tell you something, boy, so long as there's a Siberia,
you'll find Lew Harper on the job.
- Are you putting me on? - Jeez, I don't think so.
Hey, Harper, what do you think of me?
Well, I'd say you had nearly everything
and could develop into almost anything.
What's my big deficiency?
Your sideburns.
Come on.
Just that.
Stop acting like a bitch in heat
every time anything pretty in pants wanders by.
Oh, so we think we're pretty.
Well, what's your big deficiency?
I have none. I'm a bloody saint.
Yeah? What about that woman last night at the restaurant?
Well, what could be more saintly?
Just feeding booze to an alcoholic to get information.
All part of the job.
Well, when I'm bored, I drive fast.
I pretend I'm on my way to meet something utterly new,
all naked and bright.
I've gone 105 along here.
Oh, what are you trying to do? Impress me?
Well, why don't you stand on it, old man?
You're just as stuffy as Albert. The same Victorian hang-up.
You probably still think a woman's place is in the home.
Not in my home.
Well, now, there's something all naked and bright for you.
Have you come to seek salvation?
It's me, Claude, Miranda Sampson.
This is Mr. Harper.
We're looking for Daddy. Has he been here?
No.
To my sorrow, no.
I'm sorry.
You may not come onto holy ground. You've not been purified.
I was once a lost and evil man,
blind-hearted and sinful.
Miranda here can tell you that.
But then the sword of the blessed sun
slew the black beast of the flesh
and I was purified at last.
Can't I just look around?
He'll be risking the wrath of the sun god.
I'm lionhearted.
Expecting disciples for supper?
Whoever comes to the Temple of the Clouds
may be sure of some warm beans and a bed.
- Where is the harm? - Nowhere.
I know you think me a charlatan.
I can only say that if you were correct,
then death could not claim me too quickly.
You obviously have some strong connection with the Sampsons.
Don't deride me to them, I beg you.
The gift of this temple was the beginning of my life.
I know to you I look ridiculous,
but I only want to increase the amount of love in this world.
Where is the harm?
Nowhere.
That in itself is a victory. Don't laugh.
Oh, I only laugh at what's funny.
What's that,
- the bedroom? - It will be.
It's nice.
How many followers you got up here?
- It varies. - With the climate?
You might say that.
Thanks for the tour.
- Walk with love. - I'll try.
Yeah, I only laugh when it's funny.
My own stupidity, maybe.
- Mr. Graves here? - He's in Santa Theresa.
But there's a deputy in the library.
What's going on?
- Nothing much. Kidnapping and extortion. - Oh.
Fingerprints?
Now, I knew that. What's the matter with me?
- You got an evidence kit? - Oh, yes, sir.
Right out in the car. Do you want me to go get it for you?
Oh, no, no. I just want to stand here for a couple of hours and hold this.
No, listen, though, I'll get it for you, sir.
Long arm of the law, good luck.
- Yes? - Lew.
- Yeah. - It's a kidnapping. I got the note.
"Deposit $500,000
"at 9:00 tonight.
"Oil field, one mile south of Santa Theresa.
"Leave money at large oil pump, end of double row.
"After drop, drive north and keep on going.
"Too bad for Sampson if you screw up."
9:00 tonight. That only gives us three-and-a-half hours.
Better call the Sheriff and have him pay me a visit.
Right.
- Anything on the limousine? - Nothing yet, but we're checking.
Lew?
How do you suppose they knew the money was ready?
I don't know. Either they're gambling or they got somebody inside the castle.
- You think? - I think.
Okay.
Hey!
What are you doing there?
- I was just... - How many phones in the house?
- Five. - Come on, quick!
Six! Three up, three down.
Too many.
Too damn many.
Since you phoned, I've been pondering all this,
and it's my opinion we give them the money clean
and hope they come through with Sampson.
Then if they don't, he'll hunt them down.
- You think? - I think.
Oh, no, no. This note says to drop the money and drive north.
Well, that means he'll be making his getaway south.
I'll set up a roadblock down the highway.
You do that, you kiss goodbye to Sampson.
Well, whoever I catch, I guarantee I'll make him talk.
You make it worse, you trip the money man.
We'll have the kidnapper in the county jail
but Sampson with his throat cut somewhere.
Who is this clown?
He's a private detective working for us.
Yeah, I used to be a sheriff, till I passed my literacy test.
Now, wait a minute.
Gentlemen, please!
- All right. You make the delivery. - No.
I want Beauty and Albert to do it.
And what'll you do?
Are you going to rescue my Ralph for me?
Oh, now, Elaine, I don't want you to worry.
How can I worry with men like you on the job?
- Now, there's a pretty brave woman. - Yeah. Gutty as hell.
- Hi, there. - Hi.
Boy, that's gonna look terrific, you get that unscrambled.
You want a nice table?
Well, later, maybe. You can help me, though.
I'm looking for this fella, see.
I met him at the ballpark and he said he'd meet me here, but I don't see him.
- Well, what's his name? - That's just it. I don't know.
- Now, wait a minute. - No, it's okay.
I owe him some money on a bet. That's the thing.
He's about 40. He's very tall.
Wears a windbreaker and Levi's,
and he drives this small van-truck.
Come again on why you wanna find him?
Well, I owe him money on a bet, see?
And you're just eaten up with honesty, is that it?
You know what happens to bookies that don't pay off?
I knew you was a bookie the minute you came in.
No kidding.
You could really tell that I was... I mean, you can really tell?
You been waiting tables as long as I have, you get to know the types.
But you can't be no help, huh?
Eddie's who you want.
Eddie's somebody.
Only he ain't been here for two or three nights. Three nights.
I remember 'cause he wanted to make a long-distance call
and the boss didn't care for that,
'cause sometimes he gets stung if it's over three minutes.
Well, Eddie made the call anyway. Collect. I don't know to where.
How much you owe Eddie?
Where's the boss?
Behind the bar.
Give me a can of beer.
Say, I'm looking for a fellow by the name of Eddie. I owe him some money.
Well, he called me long-distance from here about three nights ago.
- You from Las Vegas? - Well, yeah. I just come up.
You know, I would've guessed you were from Vegas.
No kidding. You can tell, huh?
Oh, really tell?
You must be physic.
Psychic, you mean.
You know where Eddie lives?
Well, give me some dimes then, will you?
Oh, terrific.
Hello?
- Oh, Mrs. Harper? - Yes.
- Mrs. Lewis Harper? - That's right.
Oh, thank heavens.
You see, we've just picked your name from this enormous drum full of names,
only you had to be there to win, and you are, so you have.
Win?
Six one-hour frug lessons, absolutely free.
Yes. Well, I'm Austin Schwartz-Marmaduke
of the Schwartz-Marmaduke Institute for Ballroom Education.
Well, you must have heard of us. We're just off Wilshire.
Yes, next to the Frug Foundation. The Miracle Mile, actually.
I don't want any frug lessons.
Oh, but of course you do, dear lady.
Well, just think how terrific you'll feel
the next time you and your husband try fruging,
how endlessly feminine you'll feel.
My husband is dead.
Oh. Well, that's too bad.
- As a matter of fact... - No, as a matter of fact, you're wrong.
His death did nothing but serve the cause of mankind.
He was a fool, a sadist,
a functioning pathological pervert.
You mean he actually...
Oh, but I do. Oh, he was grotesque in all ways.
I mean, can a soul be atrocious?
Well, I'd never...
His was.
He was a degenerate's degenerate.
You won't believe this, Mr. Marmaduke,
but he used to call me up on the phone sometimes,
pretending to be other people.
He actually thought it was funny.
Well...
Listen, I'm in a bar at Castle Beach,
but I'm hiding from an idiot cop in the men's room. Now, that is funny.
You're right. That is funny!
- Lew? - Yeah?
- Lew? - What is it?
Kiss off.
Oh, come on now. Don't hang up.
What are you? You lost your sense of humor?
- Okay, put them up. - Put what up?
Your hands.
I just couldn't. I mean, I really couldn't.
- How'd you get here? - Matches in Eddie's pocket.
- How did you know his name was Eddie? - A waitress told me.
Why don't you kiss off?
- The Sheriff told me to stay on the job. - Well, then, we're all safe.
This bartender here told me that Eddie phoned you long-distance in Las Vegas.
Yeah, well, I was trying to pump the bartender.
- Pump. It's a gag. - That's funny.
Now, why don't you tell me what you found out?
Well, I found out that Eddie phoned Las Vegas from here three nights ago.
Sampson was in Las Vegas three nights ago.
It all fits. It all fits!
Oh, yeah, it all fits.
You know, you ought to stick around.
This place is a hotbed of information.
Oh, yeah, right here.
Go ahead.
What are you doing here?
I got the call. I've been converted.
Is there no end to your sacrilege?
Stay right where you are, fella.
Please. I don't want any trouble.
I said please.
Where's Sampson?
Stay right there.
Tell them to stay there!
Well, well. Do get up, old stick.
No, I kind of like it down here.
Come, come, Mr. Harper. You mustn't give way to the sulks.
I'm shocked, Mr. Troy. A man of your eminence
involved in something as seamy as smuggling in immigrant labor.
Yeah, well, you are right, you know. It is beneath me.
But it pays so well.
You know, they are wonderfully cheap workers.
And the poor idiots, they pay me to smuggle them in,
and then ranch owners and the farmers, they pay me, too.
Disgustingly lucrative.
But, as you suggest, hardly enriching to the soul.
More important, Mr. Harper, at the moment, how is your soul?
I'll pay you to let me go.
Well, you're rather low on bargaining power, aren't you, old stick?
Not necessarily. Where's Sampson?
Ralph Sampson? Well, dear boy, how should I know?
And the 500,000?
500,000 what?
No more riddles, old stick.
Your driver kidnapped Sampson two days ago.
Eddie Rossiter?
Tonight he picked up a half a million in ransom money.
Well, he hasn't got the brains.
Got enough brains to be a fall guy. He's dead.
Whoever killed him got the money.
Well, I see, and that's why you're here, old stick.
You suspect me.
I do if you drive a white convertible.
Mr. Harper, I am surrounded by very devious people.
Claude, we are leaving the temple.
Collect our latest truckload. Take them to Bakersfield, to the ranch.
Get the cash, lose the truck. Meet me at my place afterwards.
Puddler, was Betty at the club tonight?
- No. - Is she still driving the same car?
The white convertible, yeah.
Does she still live in the same place?
No, she moved to a beach house somewhere, couple of weeks ago.
- You know where it is? - No, man. She don't ask me down there.
You take Mr. Harper to the usual place. Keep him there till you hear from me.
Au revoir, Mr. Harper.
Now, you make yourself at home, old stick.
Now, you and me are gonna have a nice, quiet time here, huh?
You're not gonna cause me any problems.
Leave it open. I need the air. You stink.
Man, you got a bad mouth.
You're rotten. I can smell you.
You be a good boy.
'Cause I can give you a lot more than you can take. You hear?
- We both know what you're afraid of. - Yeah? What am I afraid of?
You?
You know, there's an old expression.
You kill the body and the head dies.
Did you ever hear that?
How'd you like that, huh? Huh?
Tell me about it. How'd you like that?
You kill the body and the head dies, huh?
You tell me about it, huh?
Untie me and I'll tear your head off.
Now I get it.
You want me to untie you so you can trick me, huh?
You can't trick me.
You fish-eyed faggot.
Harper!
You ain't going nowhere. Here go your car keys!
- Who is it? - Me.
What do you want?
Susan?
But what happened?
I'm cold.
Why did you come here?
- You know why. - I can't help you, Lew. I can't!
We're not going to get involved.
We are involved.
Were. We've been there. It didn't work.
Help me, Susan.
- Get out, Lew. - I need you.
- Now you do. What about later? - Later, too.
No, you'll take off on whatever lousy situation you're on.
- I'm through. - You're through!
- No, I mean it. - You'll leave me.
- I hate it. I'm done with it. - You'll leave me!
I swear to you.
You just want a warm body beside you, someone you can use for a while.
- Not anymore. - I want you to go.
- The hell you say. - Now, go.
- Not when I'm like this. - What do you want from me?
- Just a few kind words. - What else?
Anything I can get.
At least you're honest.
- Let me get some... - No, not now. Come on.
- I'm not even sure I like you. - Come on.
You used to carry me.
That's when I was younger.
I thought I threw out all your suits.
You sure threw out all the shirts.
And we were just gonna lounge around all day.
I'll call you as soon as I can.
Going back on it.
And what you said last night.
Forget what I said last night.
Oh, sure. I understand. Last night you were cold.
You're really ending things this time, you know that?
You know that?
Why do you have to go back? Why?
Can't you tell me?
'Cause it's not over yet.
All this food. I feel like such a fool.
Our little wedding breakfast.
Goodbye, Lew.
Goodbye.
Aren't you gonna wish me luck?
Just an infinitely lingering disease.
- Hello, Albert. - Lew, what...
Anything new on Sampson?
No, but we know who the murdered man is.
I copied down the high points of his record here.
Name, Eddie Rossiter. Usual truancy stuff.
Worked his way up to car thief.
Boy, that's a colorful one.
Then narcotics, arrested with sister Betty Rossiter by the Narcotics Bureau.
- After he got out, he... - Hey, Lew, baby!
- How are you, Beauty? - Top of the morning!
- Where does he live? - Guest house at the back.
The Sheriff is a bit put out with your behavior.
He feels you haven't quite let him in on everything.
Okay. Where did you go after you left my man dangling at the Corner bar?
I was looking for Sampson.
A half a million in cash missing, and you were looking for Sampson.
Wait a minute. You expect me to take your word for that?
Look, I don't care whether you take my word or not.
Baby, I'm not working for you.
You know, if I wanted to be ugly,
- I could put you away... - You are ugly!
- Does he know who he's talking to? - Yeah.
A sheriff with a tough case on his hands
and no ideas in his head.
Well, if you'd come on like a human being instead of a leaded toy soldier,
I might have given you a couple right off, such as Betty Fraley.
Put out a statewide alarm. She works at The Piano.
And put her down for suspicion of murder of Eddie Rossiter.
And you can put out another alarm for Dwight Troy, Fay Estabrook
and a religious nut named Claude, for smuggling in immigrant workers.
They've been using Sampson's Temple in the Clouds,
and they just dropped a bunch last night in Bakersfield.
Oh, and don't bother thanking me, 'cause I'm just a law-abiding citizen
doing his duty.
- Are you sure of all that? - Sure of some of it.
- You better give King Kong a hand. - Well, what're you gonna be doing?
I'm gonna crack this thing, Albert. I swear to you.
It's gonna be laid out.
- Lew, baby. - Top of the morning.
Hey! What happened to you?
She was a big girl.
- You're a big jazz buff, aren't you? - Some kinds. Not all.
What can I do for you?
You're very polite.
What you really mean is what the hell am I doing snooping around?
Well, my shirt's not as neat as it might be
and I thought I might borrow one from you.
Help yourself. You want a beer?
Yeah.
Do you really believe that's why I came here?
- Sure. - Well, don't.
'Cause what I'm trying to do is tie you and Rossiter and that Fraley broad
in on the kidnapping.
Are you kidding?
Hey, I don't know what you're on, but I'd like to get some of it.
Eddie Rossiter phoned you in Las Vegas.
You told him when Sampson was coming to LA.
You probably told him to rent a limousine.
And the next day you got Sampson plastered, which isn't hard.
And when he phoned the Bel-Air, you canceled the call
and phoned for Eddie to pick him up instead.
The canceled call's important, buddy,
'cause you're the only one who knew that Sampson was calling the Bel-Air.
Go ahead.
Give me your Sampson imitation. I'll bet you it's pretty good.
Lew, I'm on your side. Who saved you at The Piano?
You did, temporarily, to throw me off the track.
It worked, too.
When you took a potshot at that truck, I put it down to enthusiasm.
But what you were really doing is warning Rossiter to take off.
Are you saying all this because I got a couple of records?
You know, there's hundreds of people with records of Betty Fraley.
First day I met you, you said you had a real woman.
Is that it?
I don't even know her. I never saw her before in my life.
Were you seen a lot together? I can check.
Well, so check.
I mean, look. Sure, I been to the joint a couple of times.
Just to hear her. I dig the way she plays. But I don't know her, Lew.
I don't. Honestly.
Okay, kid, I believe you.
Oh, this mess has got me crawling up the walls. I'm just grabbing at anything.
But I had to pressure you, you understand?
Sure.
I mean, just for starters, the...
You know, the idea of you and that Fraley broad...
I know a little something about human nature,
and you two just don't cut it as couple of the week.
- This one okay? - Yeah.
She's a perverted, no-talent junkie.
A prime nympho, on top of that.
Night I was there, she was all over me like a tent.
Not just me, but everybody in sight. She swings in any direction.
She's a blemish come to life, that one.
Can you believe that something as rancid as her was once a baby?
You know, if we had the right contacts, we could make a lot of loot off her.
Book her into all the best freak shows.
'Course, we'd only let her be seen at night.
We wouldn't wanna have little kids looking at her, right, Beauty?
I've seen pigs in my day, but...
Can you imagine what it'd be like, touching something like that?
Like cozying up to a piece of fungus. Like what crawls out from under a rock.
That's the first chick I ever met that was a human disaster area.
They ought to truck her back to the...
You can be very cruel, you know that?
What Betty and I have together, you'd never understand.
But that doesn't give you the right to sully it, either.
If you think she's Aphrodite, that's your business, Beauty.
All I want is Sampson, if he's still alive.
He is, so far.
Then give him to me. That's all I was hired for.
Take the money. I won't talk, I mean it.
But killing me gets you nothing.
Wrong, baby.
It guarantees me freedom of action.
In this state, it guarantees you death by gas.
What kind of freedom are you gonna have, running with an addict on your back?
Nobody's running.
We'll be sitting very happily at Castle Beach
in our lovely little cottage by the sea
while everybody thinks we're running.
You can have your lousy little cottage. All I want is Sampson.
Top of the morning.
He was in on the kidnapping, he and that Fraley broad.
She was in love with him.
Do you know that I almost stopped off in the kitchen for a glass of water?
How could you get caught like that?
Well, I guess I hoped he wasn't involved.
You better get the Sheriff in on this, if he's still around.
Come on.
I wonder how Miranda's gonna take that.
Well, there's a strong chance she won't see the way it was. Really was.
- And I'm wondering if... - What, you want me to tell her?
Well, I know it isn't strictly within your province...
You got a big nerve, asking favors like that.
What have you done for me lately?
Miss Sampson?
I've got some moderately good news for you.
We have reason to believe your father is still alive.
How do you know?
I just spoke to one of the kidnappers. He's dead now.
His name was Allan Taggert.
You killed him?
He was trying to kill me. Albert got him.
Allan was so beautiful.
Typecast for the hero.
You keep getting fooled by appearances.
Go ahead, let it out.
Why don't you shut up?
Fooled by appearances?
I'm the grieving daughter, right?
Not right. I don't give a damn about my father.
I never did.
He's a terrible man, and whatever he gets he deserves.
Yesterday, when the note came, I realized I didn't care about anything,
and that means I'm just like my stepmother.
So I thought, "You'd better quick run, hide, Miranda,
"before everyone discovers what a horrid little girl you are."
Albert.
Do you think I'm horrid, Albert?
Horrid?
Why, no, no!
What? Certainly not.
What? Quite the contrary. Actually, as a matter of fact, I...
- Hey. Castle Beach, right? - Yeah.
Got a road that runs down by the ocean?
Yes, sir. You house-hunting?
More or less.
Well, you go down here and you take your first left at the light
and go down to the ocean,
and it starts right there and goes all the way.
Thanks.
No! Oh, no!
No! No! No!
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh...
Betty, honey,
I simply cannot fathom your lack of cooperation.
Betty, tell him. Please tell him. It's no use with him! Tell him!
You and Eddie. Very devious, you know. Very devious.
You know by now, along with my friends here,
that I enjoy inflicting pain.
As well as I know that you do not enjoy enduring it.
So now I think the sensible thing for you
would just be to tell me where the money is.
No?
Well, then, I must warn you, this last little trick
is gorgeously unendurable.
The locker in the frozen meat place.
The key's in that black shell.
Thank you very kindly, Betty.
You killed him in cold blood!
If you don't stop yelling, I'm gonna kill you.
You remember this, don't you, buddy boy?
See this?
I'll give you everything. I'll give you everything I have.
- It's a rich choice. I'll take your shoes. - What?
All right! I'll give you...
- Look. Get in there. - What...
Can you walk?
Maybe.
You're coming with me.
Fay'll get out.
What, a fat, barefoot alcoholic? Sure she will.
I'm still looking for Sampson. Where is he?
I'll tell you what I think.
You got the key to the locker, so you can have the money.
But I know where Sampson is,
and that's gonna buy me my one last ticket for happiness.
Right?
Well, the happiness market's crashed, baby.
Taggert's dead.
Now, where is Sampson?
You're just trying to get me to talk.
You're right. I'm trying to get you to talk.
But I'm not lying about Taggert.
He's dead.
Now, you recognize his gun, don't you?
The far side of Santa Theresa.
The old section of the pier. There's a deserted tanker.
Sampson's in the first cabin behind the engine room.
Just rest your feet, honey. Don't go anyplace.
Albert? Put on your skates, buddy boy. Yeah.
The old pier. He's in an abandoned tanker down there. Meet me.
- You got that? - Yeah.
- Think you'll be able to find it? - No one's perfect, but I'll try.
All right. Oh, listen, you better call Sheriff Spanner.
Yeah. Have him go down to the end of Castle Beach Road.
A lovely little cottage down there with a white Merc and a blue T-bird.
Yeah, that's on the outside.
On the inside there's a couple of guys
that are pretty badly chewed up.
Better get down there with an ambulance.
Yeah, well, listen, buddy, with a little luck we'll all be bombed by suppertime.
- What? - Stoned by suppertime!
- Did you kill Allan? - No.
He was trying to kill me.
Don't I wish he had!
You know, I could feel a lot of sympathy
for someone as tenderhearted as you, Betty,
except I keep remembering that you killed your brother last night.
- Shot him in the head. - Yeah, my own baby brother.
I brought him up.
I taught him about music, and he taught me about cars and...
Narcotics?
He fingered me as a user.
Eddie never knew I knew he fingered me,
but I always swore I'd get him.
I got him.
You sucked Taggert in 'cause you needed someone on the inside for the kidnapping.
No. No, we loved each other. We cared.
Allan and me, we...
We needed money so we could be together.
Hell, I don't buy love's old sweet song from you, Betty.
Yeah, well, it's true.
You're jealous.
Everybody was jealous of Allan and me.
Were you there when he died?
I bet he died...
Oh, I bet his last words were about me.
I bet he died saying my name.
Tell me
the truth now.
Tell me.
Yeah, you're right. I am jealous. He died saying your name.
Don't you think I knew that?
Mr. Sampson?
Albert? Albert?
Lew? Lew, it's me.
Lew?
Lew, it's Albert.
- What happened? - Oh, the same old thing.
- You gonna be all right? - Yeah.
Somebody must have been guarding Sampson, a fourth man.
He really suckered me.
- What kept you? - I just knew you were gonna ask that.
I couldn't find this silly tug.
I been in one boat after another.
I was looking for your car. I'm sorry, Lew.
- You mean it's not there now? - No, that's what threw me.
I didn't see it, anyway.
Well, the guy that mugged me did the same thing I did.
He just hotwired the ignition and took off with Betty.
But I wonder if they took off with Sampson.
We better check everything. Come on.
You wanna check down there?
- That's Sampson, isn't it? - Yeah.
Well, you did all you could, Lew.
No, if you did all you could and you did it right, it wouldn't have to end this way.
- Give me your car key. - Where are you going?
- After Betty Fraley. - But what about Sampson?
Well, he cops will want him just the way he is.
Come on. Move it! Move it!
How do you know which way she went?
I know the ransom money's in a frozen food locker south of here.
Well, then, why are we going the opposite direction?
She'll want to get as far as she can from that money
'cause I got the key to the locker.
Well, if we catch her on this road, it'll be sheer luck.
I haven't changed spark plugs in my crate for 30,000 miles.
I'll catch her.
13-A2. 13-A2. Code 1.
It was pretty bad.
Found him this afternoon, Mrs. Sampson.
Albert was there. He identified him.
Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Sampson,
but your husband is dead.
Oh, that's terrible. Terrible!
Ralph!
Yeah, well, listen, you better tell Miranda I'll be there as soon as I can.
But Ralph didn't have an enemy in the world.
He was such a good man.
Gentle, kind,
wouldn't hurt a fly.
Hang this up, will you?
Miranda!
Mommy has something to tell you.
All units in the vicinity of 57th and Vermont, an officer needs help.
All units in the vicinity of 57 and Vermont, an officer needs help.
Where to now?
- 311, handle a call, Code 3. - The money.
Where now?
The grieving widow.
Sheriff Spanner seemed very confident they'd pick up the fourth man, right?
What? I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
The fourth man. The one who hit you and got Sampson.
Spanner says there's a waiter at The Piano.
He hasn't showed up for a couple of days. An albino.
He's the fourth man, the albino.
Spanner says he won't be hard to find.
What fourth man?
You're the fourth man, fink.
You think I kidnapped Sampson?
No, but you killed him.
What do you think was killing me when I got down to that wreck?
Wasn't any fourth man, Albert.
She took off in that car by herself. She hotwired the ignition.
No strain to her. She was taught by her brother, the car thief.
Oh, well, who cares? Who cares?
This is what nailed you. Really nailed you.
You think a member of a kidnap gang would deck me,
and then with $500,000 at stake, he wouldn't search me for the key?
And Betty wouldn't tell him?
No, you killed him, Albert, that's it. Two and two is four.
But what I don't know is why.
As a lawyer, I have to caution you that your proof is pretty insubstantial.
Well, proving it's not my job.
- I'll be perfectly safe in a court of law. - This ain't a court of law.
Just a couple of buddies out for an evening spin
discussing the events of the day.
Only don't lie to me, Albert. I mean, lying is for other people.
Okay?
Come on.
I don't know why, actually. Not in any concrete way.
I hadn't intended to. Nothing premeditated.
But when I found him
and was faced with the prospect of setting him free,
it just suddenly seemed for the best that he die.
When it came to cruelty, he could be incredibly versatile.
With anybody.
His wife, daughter, stranger in the street.
When he found out how I felt about Miranda, he pushed us together.
But he never would have let me marry her. Never in this world.
Just laughs for the client, that's all I was supplying.
And then today, when she put her arms around me
and I felt the texture of her skin...
Perhaps I killed him for a kiss, I don't know.
But I do know that his passing will not be the cause for universal mourning.
You gonna turn me in?
- Got no other choice, buddy boy. - You don't have to.
Got a better friend than me?
I haven't got many friends, Albert, but none better than you.
He was scum, Lew. I swear it.
Well, you know, when we first met,
you were gonna push your way all the way up to be governor
of this great and powerful state of California.
That was a pretty nasty and terminal thing you did to Sampson.
Do governor-type people do that today?
Jeez, makes you stop and wonder.
And you were going to push your way up to being the greatest defender of justice
that the great and powerful state of California ever had.
How does it feel to be popping your flash bulbs in dirty little motel rooms,
spying on the cheaters?
Yeah, well...
Things just don't turn out the way we plan them, do they?
You were hired by a bitch to find scum.
Yeah, and every time I hope it's gonna be Prince Charming
sending me out to scout out Cinderella.
Oh, yeah.
Boy, I had a total of about eight pretty disgusting months last year.
But then I had five or six good weeks.
Let me tell you something.
I mean, it's something that you won't understand
and Susan sure as hell won't,
but those five or six weeks, I really felt alive.
So all I can do, Albert, is just do the dirty job
all the way down the line.
Well, I understand why you have to turn me in.
Do you understand why I can't let you?
Oh, yeah. You still got the gun?
Well, then, you better use it before I hit that door.
Well, the way I feel now, if I never make it to that door,
it won't be the worst thing that ever happened to me.
So long, Albert.
Oh, hell.
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