(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
For Syd.
♪ Good morning
♪ A new day's dawning
♪ And I'm through yawning now I get excited everyday
MAN: For Syd.
Yo, sign Syd's card.
♪ Just what it is I've found
It's for Syd.
♪ 'Cause it's all right for now
♪ Good morning A new day's dawning
♪ And I'm through yawning now... ♪
Hey, Syd!
Got a little something for you.
What's this?
Just a little something.
Aw.
- You guys! - From all of us.
Is it a Stanley 22 Ounce Anti-vibe Framing Hammer?
No, it's better than that.
It's actually something you can use in college.
Come on.
- (GASPS) - (PAUL CHUCKLES)
I love it. Thanks, you guys.
Just don't spend all your time on it, okay?
I know that you have a scholarship to keep up with,
but you got to promise us all that you're gonna raise a little hell
- every now and then. - ALL: (CHEERING) Yeah!
Don't worry, Dad, I'll smile for my mug shot.
Hmm.
I'm gonna miss everybody.
Stu, careful with the nail gun.
Big Ron! Hmm!
Hold me, please. (SOBS)
All right.
Good hug.
PAUL: Back to work.
Okay, you're crushing me. Ow! My collarbone!
SYDNEY: You know how people joke about being raised by wolves?
Well, I was raised by construction workers.
- What have you got? - Peanut butter. It's so good.
WORKER: (WHISTLES) Mamacita!
(WHISTLES)
(CHUCKLING) Yeah!
SYDNEY: I was only nine when my mom died.
Which means my formative years were left up to my dad.
Being a plumber did give him a certain unique perspective.
Now, these up here, are your fallipian...
That's not right, these are... Fallopian. These are your...
Let's just call them your lady tubes. All right?
Every month, you...
lay an egg.
Like a chicken.
SYDNEY: My dad always did his best.
Understand?
SYDNEY: But sometimes, a girl just needs her mom.
(SIGHS)
PAUL: Sydney! Time to get a move on, sweetheart!
Wow.
You know, if your mom was here, she'd know exactly what to say.
She'd be so excited you're going to her school, gonna join her sorority.
I'm not in yet, Dad.
Girl, you're gonna fit into that place like a...
overflow tube in a pressure tank.
Come on, Dad. We said no mushy stuff.
Right. No mushy stuff.
(BUS ENGINE STARTING)
Come here.
I love you, Dad.
MOM: Dear Sydney, I love you so much.
I'm so sorry I'm not there to see you off to college.
But since I can't be, I've put some of my favorite memories in this box.
Live every moment, Sydney.
Grab every opportunity.
And have fun in everything you do.
The friends you meet in college will be your friends for life.
Perhaps you'll fill this box with your own memories,
to pass on to your daughter someday.
And know that though I can't be there with you now,
I'm always right by your side, every step of the way.
(ENGINE REVVING UP)
(MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ I get you so hot
♪ I get to know when to rock you, boy
♪ Gonna get, gonna get Gonna get you hot, boy
♪ Gonna get you hot, boy
♪ I should come with a warning, baby
♪ I should come with a warning
♪ Boy, I'm dangerous
♪ So hazardous, so dangerous Yeah, baby
♪ I should come with a warning, baby
♪ I should come with a warning ♪
Still the fairest of them all.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ Too long till fall Sick summer in bed
♪ You and a lazy mood
♪ Ten times the fall Spread, sacked, and I've failed
♪ Stop, it's too late
♪ I'm feeling frustrated
♪ I see no sign of fortress I see no sign of fortress ♪
DINKY: Well, hello there.
Oh, Hi. I didn't even know anyone was in here.
Oh, that's okay. People sometimes don't see me.
- I'm Dinky. - Oh, no, you're not.
No, silly, that's my name.
Oh, Dinky? That's your real name?
Of course not. My real name's Demetria Rosemead.
Dinky it is. Hi, I'm Sydney White.
Sydney White? The other Kappa legacy?
Daughter of Paul White and Deborah Lee, Kappa pledge class 1980?
- Yeah. - (GASPS)
I'm sorry, I feel bad I didn't order your background check.
I'm the other Kappa legacy!
Oh, my gosh! This is just so exciting!
I should've known they would've roomed us together for rush.
Don't get too comfortable. We're gonna move to the Kappa house!
We're gonna be sisters! (SQUEALS)
Yay. We're jumping now.
I've just been waiting to become a Kappa since I can remember.
All the women in my family were Kappas, too.
See, look. My momma gave me her when I was five.
She even has a little pledge pin.
She sure does.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Does she come with a mini Kappa dream house?
Oh... Oh, I wish.
Now, what were you thinking about wearing to the first rush party?
Let me... Let me just show you what I was thinking.
Okay.
Now, those... Those are my top five.
Wow. I don't even have a top one.
You know, I might have a skirt...
- Oh, no. - ...in here somewhere.
Did you have a luggage mishap?
- No. - Well, what about in that bag?
Oh. Oh, this bag.
Oh, wait until you see this!
My comic-book collection.
Oh, my...
SIDNEY: Pretty cool, huh?
Yeah. Uh, you know what,
Why don't you just wear something of mine to the first rush party?
Oh, okay. Yeah. That might be best.
You know, this is gonna be fun.
Never really had a lot of girlfriends before.
Not just girlfriends.
Sisters.
(BOTH SQUEALING)
(FANFARE PLAYING)
(CLAMORING)
(FANFARE STOPS)
I'd like to welcome Tyler Prince,
president of Beta Omega Rho fraternity.
Hey, everyone.
I've asked Tyler to come today to talk about a very special project.
- So, the plan is... - We have a golden opportunity
right on Greek Row.
GIRL: The Vortex, where all those freaks live?
That's the golden opportunity?
No.
This is.
(ALL GASP)
The Witchburn-Prince Greek Life Centre will soon break ground.
Tyler's parents and my parents have already donated the funds.
We just need to deal with the current tenants.
I've been assured by the administration
that this is a priority for the university for this year.
(APPLAUSE)
Okay, so text me.
This is silly. When are you gonna stop all this and come back to me?
You dumped me, remember?
It was middle school, what did I know?
I thought I was gonna marry a Backstreet Boy.
You still could.
I got to go pick up the keg.
Yeah, well, I got to go too.
- I wish we had the same size feet. - Oh, it's okay.
I mean, isn't the whole point of this whole sisterhood thing
that they like you for who you are?
Um... sure.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ Shake your hips right, baby Come on
♪ Shake them all night long
♪ Shake your hips... ♪
BOY: Nice.
Hello.
Welcome to SAU.
(CHUCKLES) Hello.
Nice.
Three's company.
Whoa!
Oh, hang on.
Vortex Freak Show, starring Puppet Boy.
Oh, this is an official dork alert, man.
We got... We got Dork Skywalker.
(CHUCKLES)
Target acquired.
Incoming Moose missile!
Hey, you okay?
(STAMMERING) I... I...
(WHIMPERS)
You better keep this. You clearly need the practice!
(GROANS)
- (THUD) - BOY: Dude!
- Come on, Dinks. - Oh!
You do realize you just showed up the school's tight end.
Mm. I hope he's second string.
Tyler Prince. Beta president.
Sydney White. No title.
Sorry. This is Dinky.
But we're actually we're gonna be late to our first rush party,
so if you'll excuse us.
Oh, maybe he could help us find our way.
We're going to Kappa. Mm-hmm.
All right, ladies. Let me be your Greek guide.
Each house has a reputation.
- There's the Gamma Phi's. - (GIRLS SQUEALING)
They're perky.
Very perky. Lots of cheerleaders.
And here's Pi Beta Omega.
Those girls can out-party any fraternity on campus.
So what was the first house? The one with the Junior Tiger Guide?
Ah, that would be the Vortex.
- That's a weird name for a fraternity. - It's not a fraternity.
It started off as overflow student housing.
Now, it's just kind of there.
Here's our stop. Kappa Phi Nu.
DINKY: Well, thank you for the tour, Tyler.
- Yeah, thank you. - Sydney, you know what,
- I'm just... I'm gonna meet you inside. - (WHISPERING) Why?
- (MOUTHING WORDS) - (GIGGLING)
The illegally blondes. You? Really?
Yeah. Is it the shoes?
(LAUGHS) No. I love the shoes.
The Kappas are just a little... intense.
Oh, well, it was actually my mother's house.
Ah. Legacy. Is she all over you about rushing?
No. She died nine years ago.
- I'm sorry. - Oh, it's okay.
Kappas could use a girl like you.
I should know. They're our sister sorority.
Oh! So we'll be like brother and sister!
Not in, you know, the related, familial way,
but, you know, more in the fraternal, sororal...
Sororital? Is that a word? Sorry.
I kind of tend to overtalk when I'm nervous.
It's a disease, one without a cure. So stop me any time, please.
You're nervous?
Oh, no. (CHUCKLES) No, it's not you. Tyler, was it?
No, it's because of the whole rush, you know?
The very term "rush" is an amper-upper. It amps up the old nerves.
(CHUCKLES) I have to go.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Okay, ladies. Listen up.
The doors are about to open. Our objective is...
ALL: Target cute pledges.
Exactly. And what do we want to avoid?
ALL: Fat losers.
Now, now. We all remember the code.
When I ask you to show a girl to the "koi pond," ditch her.
We also have two legacies coming today,
Dinky Hodgekiss and Sydney White.
When you meet them, find me immediately.
Okay, girls. Are we ready?
ALL: (CHANTING) Here comes a Kappa Queen of the Row
She's hot, she's cool She ain't no ho
She's got style, she's got class,
And from behind a kicking...
Kappa! Kappa! Kappa! Kappa! Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!
Excuse me, Amy. Don't you remember?
You've been reassigned. Kitchen duty.
Go on.
That's what happens when you gain 27 lbs of breakup weight over the summer.
ALL: Kappa! Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!
Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!
Hi!
ALL: Kappa! Kappa! Kappa...
- Hey! - GIRL: Everyone wants to be a Kappa.
We've been dating for two years. I love him so much!
And next week, he's gonna pin me.
Pin you to what?
- Hi. - Hi.
- GIRL: Hi there. - Oh, hi.
(THUD)
I'm Katy, and this is Christy.
I'm Sydney White.
You're one of our legacies. Rachel's gonna be so excited!
(PARTY MUSIC PLAYING)
Rachel, we'd like you to meet someone.
Oh, hi.
Girls, why don't you show this one the koi pond?
Ooh, I love koi ponds.
Great. Off you go.
This is Sydney White.
Three words. Leg-a-cy?
Sydney, so pleased to meet you.
I'm so excited. My mom had a great experience here.
Katy, have you offered our guest a drink from the refreshment table?
- I'm actually not that thirsty. - No, no. Katy.
The refreshment table?
We have a situation. That girl is not Kappa material.
CHRISTY: Really? I didn't see anything wrong with her.
Christy, you know you're not as perceptive as I am.
That girl wouldn't know her Gucci from her Pucci.
Not to mention, I saw her throwing herself
all over Tyler before she came in the house.
It was embarrassing. Trust me,
we do not want a Kappa who behaves that way.
(SCOFFS) See what I mean?
CHRISTY: But we have to give her a bid. She's a legacy.
Her mom gets her the bid,
but she has to survive pledging all on her own.
(STUDENTS CHATTERING, GIGGLING)
GIRL: Oh, my gosh. I saw him outside,
and he's definitely the hottest guy on campus.
Who's the hottest guy on campus?
Tyler Prince, the Beta president.
Oh, you know, I know that guy. He was really nice.
He showed me around Greek Row.
Off limits. He's Rachel's boyfriend.
- Oh! - Yeah, they're off right now,
but they'll be on again any minute.
It's all part of Rachel's 20-year plan.
He'll be a top litigator, she'll be a senator.
It's so romantic.
Yeah, it does sound romantic.
Because there is nothing more romantic than a 20-year plan.
Am I right, ladies? (FORCED CHUCKLE)
So, Sydney, where does your dad work?
Oh, he works mostly on construction sites.
Oh. My uncle's made a mint building malls.
So, your dad's a developer, too?
Yeah. Something like that.
RACHEL: Night, girls. Get your beauty rest.
Now that you're Kappa pledges, it's a requirement.
♪ Lay you down, dear sweet pledge
♪ Lay your head on the pillow
♪ May you have lovely dreams
♪ Just as lovely as you are ♪
ALL: Shh.
Has anyone found the koi pond?
(AIR HORNS BLASTING)
ALL: Oh?
(CLAMORING)
It's 12:01! Welcome to hell, skanks!
Over the next week, we'll be conducting
what I like to call "Pledge Enlightenment."
We're not allowed to call it "hazing," not after what happened to Suzie.
We're gonna find out which of you Prada princesses
has what it takes to be a Kappa, and which of you don't.
This is your first pledge task, the date dash.
You have until 12:15 to find a date and meet me at the State Street Diner.
No changing clothes, no makeup, no brushing your hair or teeth!
You have 15 minutes! Let's go!
KAPPAS: Go!
RACHEL: Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
GIRL: Come on!
(ALL CHATTERING)
Dinky! Dinky! What do we do?
Oh, you just grab a guy.
Excuse me, sugar. Can I borrow you for a date dash? (CHUCKLES)
- Hurry up, girl. Come on. - Okay.
Come on!
(BOY SNEEZING)
Hello? Hello?
BOY: Oh, sorry.
I'm sorry.
Hi. I'm sorry I startled you. Can you... Can you help me? (SNEEZES)
Okay.
- Thanks. - Sure.
- (SNEEZES) Oh, sorry. - Ugh!
- Sorry, thanks. - What are you doing in a bush?
I don't know what happened. I was walking home
and this crazed pack of girls came running toward me.
So I dove for cover.
Yeah, vision not impaired. Sense of balance restored.
Feeling in fingers and toes.
- No visible lacerations. - Wait! You're a guy, right?
Yeah.
What are you doing right now?
I'm waiting for an antihistamine to take effect.
I need you to be my date.
(CHUCKLES) Your date?
Yeah. Let's go.
Oh, you might wanna watch out. When I get this excited,
- I tend to throw up. - It's okay, just keep moving,
- and tell me when to duck. - Okay.
- SYDNEY: Let's go! - Oh, no. I... I...
(DISHES CLATTERING)
That's good? Wonderful. You just made it.
SYDNEY: How's the BLT?
Mmm.
Mmm...
Oh, my God. Look at her with that pie.
It's a so-rority, not a ho-rority.
So, tell me about the Vortex. What's it like?
Uh...
I guess you'd call it a haven, for people who don't have anywhere else to go.
Some of us didn't get along with our roommates,
some of us made others feel uncomfortable.
Some of us wet the bed.
Some of us wet the hallway.
(LAUGHS)
All of us are outsiders.
Yeah, I know what that's like.
Are you serious? You're a Kappa pledge. By definition, very much an insider.
Would all the Kappa pledges join me over here for a moment?
- Guess I'll be right back. - Yes.
Okay, girls. It's time for your next pledge task.
The date dash ditch.
This year's unsuitable date belongs to...
Sydney.
Sorry, you're gonna have to ditch him.
(SNEEZES)
But my guy's really nice.
And I dragged him all the way down here.
And he has a sinus infection, and his athlete's foot is flaring up.
And he has glaucoma, he thinks.
I cannot just ditch him.
I don't make the rules, Sydney.
If being a Kappa is important to you, then this is the price you pay.
(SNIFFLES)
- Hey, date. - Hey.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE) - I ordered you another cup of coffee.
Oh...
I need you to meet me in the girl's bathroom.
- Another pledge ritual. - Oh.
Oh... Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- Okay. - I'll meet you there.
(DOOR OPENS)
- Sydney? - (BOTH SCREAMING)
Pervert!
Looks like you get stuck with the check.
(SIGHS)
CARLTON: We live in a country that's considered to be
the ultimate model of government.
By the people. For the people. And of the people.
But most Americans would be surprised to find
how afraid the Founding Fathers were
of what a direct democracy could do to the country.
Can anyone tell me why?
(SNORING)
The young man snoring there, perhaps?
(LAUGHTER)
(DOG PUPPET CLEARING THROAT)
The Founding Fathers were afraid that direct democracy
would do to America what it did to Rome.
(YAWNS) Alexander Hamilton even advocated a monarchy.
(SNORES)
Exactly.
We are trained to think the more power the people have, the better.
Can any of you tell me some reasons why this isn't necessarily true?
Oh, Terrence. Still here after eight years.
(LAUGHTER)
What do you say we give someone else a chance to respond this time, huh?
Uhhhh... Ms. Witchburn?
Most Americans don't educate themselves about the issues.
There are some valid arguments for keeping things a little more elite.
You could even argue a case for certain types of oligarchy.
Interesting.
Let's hear from someone else. How about you?
- Ms...? - White.
Ms. White.
Any thoughts?
Um...
I guess I think that's...
underestimating the masses a bit.
Not to mention overestimating the elites.
Apartheid was an oligarchy, and no one wants that again.
Excellent.
Alicia, what year was Kappa Phi Nu founded?
- In 1902. - Very good.
Mmm.
- Want some breakfast? - Yeah.
Help yourself.
Breakfast is good.
RACHEL: Ugh!
It's called moisturizer. Try some.
Next.
Ugh! Your pores are enormous.
They have this new thing called whitening toothpaste. Next.
Dinky. Kappa founder Kitty Cooper's hometown?
(MOUTHING WORDS)
Little Rock. (CHUCKLES)
Lose the big hair. This isn't Dallas.
Bye.
Eyebrows, meet tweezers. Tweezers, meet your worst nightmare.
(ALL CHATTERING)
- I know. - RACHEL: Next.
Next. Next. Ugh!
Okay, future sisters.
Get your lazy asses up. You're gonna clean the bathrooms...
(ALL GROANING)
...at the Beta fraternity house.
(GROANING LOUDER)
- Sydney, the Kappa Phi Nu colors? - Green and white.
Wrong. Emerald and pearl.
Sorry. I'm still learning how to speak priss.
(ALL GASP)
(SOMBER CHATTER)
(LIVELY CHATTER)
(SCREAMING)
(LIVELY CHATTER)
(LAUGHING)
You know what, don't change a thing.
You just keep walking around looking just like that.
(TOILET FLUSHING)
(KAPPAS EXHALING)
- You again. - Oh.
- Morning. - Hi.
Sorry you had to do that.
Looks like some of the girls are a little traumatized.
Yeah. It's okay. I spend a lot of time in bathrooms.
No, no. I don't mean like that, I just mean that...
I don't go to the bathroom a lot. I...
You know, sometimes I do. Kind of depends on what I eat.
(LAUGHS)
Just to be clear, I spend a normal amount of time in the bathroom.
RACHEL: Sydney.
- It's time to get back to the house. - Okay.
Don't ask. We had to take her.
I think she's cool. And cute.
SPANKY: Just admit they're cooler.
You don't know what the hell you're talking about.
There is no way that a pirate is cooler than a ninja.
Ninjas live like monks. Pirates get booty. End of discussion.
Hi. I need to return these,
and I have a couple of poli sci books on reserve.
I'm impressed. I don't get a lot of pledges in here studying.
Well, they probably don't have scholarships to maintain.
GURKIN: You and your drunken, whoring pirates
represent the lowest common denominator in society!
All right. I think we can all agree that a pirate-ninja
would be the coolest thing ever.
SYDNEY: Hi.
Oh, hi.
Hello.
I wanted to apologize for what I did to you in the bathroom.
What did she do to you in the bathroom? What did she do?
It was a stupid pledge prank. And I'm really, really sorry.
Hey, it wasn't exactly surprising behavior for a Kappa.
Come on, let's go. Excuse me.
If it makes you feel any better, they threw bologna at us
while we sang Celine Dion songs!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Girls, it's been a long journey, but you're almost done.
Tomorrow night is our Presents Dance,
where you will be introduced as official Kappa sisters.
It's tradition for the current sisters
to pass down their Presents gowns to the new pledges.
After all, we're all size two.
(GIGGLING)
Except you, Amy.
As president, I will draw the first name.
This lucky girl is getting one of Milan's finest.
(MOUTHING WORDS)
Sydney White.
(ALL CHEERING)
Come, Sydney.
(COUGHING)
(COMPUTER CHIMES)
Hey, Christy, why don't you check your standing?
I'm sure you've cracked the top 20 by now.
What's that?
Just the school's "Hot or Not" ranking on MySpace.
It's just some dumb list.
Huh! That does sound dumb.
Really dumb. I bet lame people just log on all day and vote for themselves.
No, we don't. We're only allowed to vote once a day.
Right, Rachel?
Hey, Rach, you're still number one.
Am I? How cute.
It's been that way for forever. You know how people are.
They just stick with the status quo.
That's why new people never make it on.
Oh, my God. Sydney's on it, number 213.
I am? Let me see that.
Aw. But I thought you said new people never make it on the list.
Well, like you said, it's just some dumb list.
But aren't we just so lucky to have you as a pledge?
And I think you're gonna look just gorgeous in...
Perfect. Totally you. Practically screams number 213.
(CELL PHONE RINGTONE PLAYS)
Hey, Tyler.
Oh, you're so bad!
I have to take this.
- RACHEL: Jenny Robinson. - (APPLAUSE)
Dinky Hodgekiss.
Alicia Fairchild.
Bunchie Hathaway.
And finally, Sydney White.
I present to you this fall's Kappa Phi Nu pledge class.
You look incredible.
Thank you.
Dance?
(MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ When I see you smile
♪ I can face the world... ♪
Who are you, Sydney White?
You throw a football like Matt Leinart,
fearlessly conquer fraternity bathrooms,
and clean up nice to boot.
(SYDNEY CHUCKLES)
Well, I'm more of a Peyton Manning. Leinart's a lefty.
Marry me.
(LAUGHS)
So, they go all out for these shindigs, huh?
It's a weird word, "shindig."
You eat? Because there are some hors d'oeuvres over there.
You know, I tried to eat a plastic flower once. Kind of hurt.
I'm rambling again, aren't I?
I'm starting to think I make you nervous.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) No.
Congratulations. You are now a Kappa sister.
(APPLAUSE)
Congratulations. You are now a Kappa sister.
You are now a Kappa sister.
Kappa sister... Sister... Sister...
Congratulations. You are now a Kappa sister.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid we have a bit of a situation.
Every so often, it is the unfortunate duty
of president to act as judge and jury.
Sydney White has exhibited inappropriate Kappa behavior.
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
Is this a pledge prank?
It certainly is not.
You are guilty of the following infractions.
You brought an unsuitable date to the date dash,
cheated during a pledge quiz,
revealed a secret pledge ritual to the entire library,
and, finally, lied about your background.
We all know your dad is actually a plumber.
As Kappa president, according to statute 25-A of the sorority charter,
I hereby dismiss Sydney White from the Kappa pledge class.
I don't know what your mother got away with when she was here...
but you will never be a Kappa.
You know what? Thank you.
Because if this is what sisterhood's all about,
then I don't want any part of it.
I want that dress back.
Take it!
(ALL GASP)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(CHIPS RATTLING)
I will see your Cobra Commander,
and I will raise you a mint, unopened,
power of the force, Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker in...
Battle poncho.
Wow.
We fold.
Which is better? Three A's or two of the cards with the ladies on them?
- You dope. - What?
If you have both, it's a full house.
How is it you always win at cards,
but you can't make it from Junior Tiger Guide to Tiger Guide?
It's one badge, okay? It's one badge.
Knots are hard.
Does anyone know another word for "douchebaggery"?
I don't want to repeat it a third time.
Gurkin, no one reads your whiny blog anyway.
Peoplespunisher.com is not about being read.
It's about being written.
(ELECTRIC CRACKLING)
Good morning, Embele.
(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Where do you think he goes?
(RAIN FALLING)
Outside, a lady waits.
She wears jean pants and looks very sad. (YAWNS)
There's a girl outside? Yes!
Am I looking good? Yes.
(GASPS) It's the bathroom babe!
I'm going to go work the Spanky magic.
(SIDNEY SOBBING)
Ahem!
Sorry. You probably don't want me sitting out here.
And I understand, especially you.
And you were right about the whole Kappa thing.
I'll go.
Did they really make you sing Celine Dion?
Yeah.
Do you need a place to stay?
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
LENNY: Guys, this is Sydney.
She needs a place to stay.
She gave up her dorm room to pledge Kappa.
Sydney, these are the guys.
Gurkin.
Terrence.
George.
Jeremy.
- Don't forget me. - Oh, of course. Skoozer.
(WHISPERS) Jeremy's shy. He had several therapists as a kid.
One of them recommended a puppet. He never stopped using it.
- You'll get used to Skoozer. - Hmm. Yeah, it's okay.
As long as he doesn't try to hump my bunny slippers.
- No promises. - (SKOOZER BARKS)
(EXPLOSION)
That's Embelackpo Akimbatunde. We just call him Embele.
He's from Nigeria and hasn't adjusted to the time change.
His days and nights are actually reversed.
Jet lag, huh? When did he get here?
Three years ago.
Thank you.
Of course! I have to invert the ratio.
Come on, Bilbo.
And what exactly is he doing?
- We have no idea. - Okay.
Welcome to the Vortex.
- (EXPLOSION) - (BUZZING)
- LENNY: Sydney? - Oh, hi. Come in.
Hi. Uh...
I'm sorry. I know it can be a little spooky up here at night,
so I brought you this.
That night light has gotten me through some pretty tough times.
Thanks, that's really sweet.
- Hey, is that Dark Fury number four? - Yeah. The one with the...
- BOTH: First appearance of The Emerald Mask.
Ahh!
You know, you may be more Vortex than Kappa after all.
So, are you all set? Do you need anything?
A hypoallergenic pillow? Humidifier? Dehumidifier? Ionizer?
Nope. I think I'm all good on the medical-supply front.
Are you sure? There's a lot of dust.
I've actually got loads of allergy medicine.
You? Allergies? I never would've guessed.
Yeah, I know, just the usual, dairy, wheat, peanuts,
- bee stings, cats... - Wow, that's a lot of...
...shellfish, pollen, wood.
A few others. But it's getting late. You're probably tired.
Well, yeah. Public humiliation can be pretty tiring.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, I don't know if you need any sort of special...
lady products or...
No, no. I'm good. Thanks, though.
Thanks for everything, Lenny.
Hey. (CHUCKLES)
I don't know if you need me to do anything...
- Spanky, go. - (CHUCKLES)
(GROANS)
Sorry about that. Let me know if he bothers you.
Spanky's kind of...
Well, he really likes girls, but he doesn't know...
- many. (MOUTHING WORD)
But he keeps himself happy.
You may find this hard to believe,
but most of the guys here don't have a lot of experience with girls.
(ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA PLAYS)
Dudes. That thing has touched boobs.
Of course.
The sturdy, breathable fabric is designed to maintain mammary elasticity.
Shut up, Terrence! You're ruining the moment for me.
(PHONE LINE RINGING)
- PAUL: Hello. - Hey, Dad. Did I wake you?
What? Are you kidding?
How was the big dance?
That's actually why I was calling.
Come on. I've been waiting up to hear. Tell me all about it.
It was great. Yeah, it's all very exciting.
Sydney, I'm sure that your mom is right there taking it all in with you.
I know.
(SIGHS) That's what I keep thinking.
- Good night, sweetie. - Night, Dad.
(PHONE CLICKS)
(EXHALES)
- (PHONE RATTLES) - (LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(GROANS)
Um...
This place is a deathtrap. How about some repairs?
Sydney, don't start.
You know why we can't get any damn repairs?
I'll tell you why. Campus-wide systematic Greek oppression.
Read peoplespunisher.com if you want to know more.
I did a whole series on it.
I don't know what this house needing repairs
has to do with the Greek system anyway.
It isn't even Greek.
Precisely! That's the problem.
Rachel Witchburn and the Greeks run the Student Council.
The Student Council dictates all budget appropriations.
Over the past 14 semesters, 87.3% of all campus-event funding
has been devoted to the Greek system.
Are you kidding me?
- I don't kid. - (GURGLING)
Oh. Won't be long now.
Why is everyone on this campus willing to let Rachel Witchburn run their lives?
'Cause she's kind of... scary.
♪ I'm getting what I want... ♪
Hey, Rachel!
Check it out. The diet's working. I lost five pounds.
(WHOOPING)
I think your ass found it.
TYLER: Hey!
Hey! Sydney.
Sydney.
- Hi. - Listen, about last night...
Last night? Hmm. Wait, let me think.
Oh, yeah, when your girlfriend humiliated me.
- Good times. - Trust me,
Rachel's not my girlfriend.
And not everyone in Greek Row is like her.
Give me a chance to prove that to you.
GIRL: Sign up to run for Student Council.
You know, I'm actually kind of busy
juggling seven guys at the moment.
- So... - Whoa.
I got to go.
Hey, can I have a sign-up sheet?
- Yeah. You need a pen? - Actually, can I have seven?
(BOTH GASP)
Don't worry, ladies.
We won't have to deal with the public once the Vortex is torn down
and my Greek Centre's built.
And my Greek Centre's built. (CELL PHONE BEEPS)
Oh? Is it 4:00 already?
Loser, loser.
Kappa, Kappa.
Kappa, lose...
What? (SCOFFS) This isn't happening.
Wow. I guess her little striptease act got some attention.
(HYPERVENTILATES)
CHRISTY: Rachel? Rachel.
Use your soothing words.
Prada, Gucci, Chanel...
Sydney, Sydney, Sydney! (GRUNTS)
Whoa!
(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(DOOR CLOSES)
- LENNY: Hey. - Hey, guys.
(GEORGE GROANS)
(WHISPERING) Here, I'll get that for you. Here you go.
I've found a way for you to get the Vortex repaired.
We're signing you up to run for Student Council. All seven of you.
(LAUGHING)
Very funny, Sydney. Next you'll tell us Admiral Adama's a Cylon.
(LAUGHING)
I have no idea what you just said. But I'm serious.
You'll all run on a ticket, and you will take over
the entire Student Council.
No non-Greek has won a Student Council office since 1992.
And look where that's gotten us.
Ow.
Yes, George. Ow!
We've taken enough of their abuse.
I'll be your campaign manager. I'll be with you every step of the way.
I am in.
Good. Who else is with me? Come on, guys.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your college years
locked up in this crap hole, disenfranchised and powerless?
- Okay. - No! George, no.
- You don't want to be powerless. - No.
(SIGHS) Please, don't give up.
(SIGHS)
Did the Avengers give up when the Black Knight
sprayed New York with that foam
that left everybody stuck to the ground?
- No! - No.
With the help of a criminal glue specialist,
they freed everyone.
I'm your criminal glue specialist!
Yeah!
ALL: Yeah. Yeah.
Now, who's running for president?
BOYS: Not it.
(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Oh. I never win at that game.
Terrence it is. Let's get started!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ I am temperamental
♪ Like a heart without a home
♪ I am sentimental
So?
♪ But you don't know me at all
♪ I have expectations
♪ I wanna be the one you call
♪ And I want a conversation
♪ But you don't know me at all
Mm. Nice.
♪ I am
♪ I'm a revolution
♪ Close your eyes
♪ I am, I am
♪ I am
♪ I'll blow your mind
♪ I am
♪ I'm a revolution
♪ Why do I have to explain?
♪ Who I am again and again?
♪ I am... ♪
Loop in, and then you've got a bow.
- I did it! - You did it, yes!
♪ But I think that you're pretending
♪ But you don't fool me at all
Hey, Terrence.
♪ Hold on tight
Bye, Terrence.
♪ I'm a revolution
♪ Close your eyes
♪ I am
♪ I'll blow your mind
♪ I am
♪ I'm a revolution
♪ Why do I have to explain?
♪ Who I am again and again?
♪ I am ♪
This is the gym.
A lot of people hang out here.
We can work off some of those doughnuts
and maybe even talk to a few people.
(STAMMERING) I don't know.
Come on, guys. It's a Saturday afternoon. What else would you be doing?
Oh, we always do play fantasy video games and then reenact them.
(ALL SHOUTING)
Are you not entertained?
Hmm. Tempting. But I think we're going to stick with this.
(GRUNTING)
I can't do it. My arms ache. I think I may have muscular dystrophy.
(CHUCKLING) Muscular dystrophy is a birth defect.
Lenny, they're two pounds.
Each.
- You got it? - (SKOOZER MUTTERING)
- What? - I said yeah, I got...
(BOTH GRUNT)
Damn, Embele, you're going to town.
Where'd you get all that energy?
I just awaken an hour ago.
(LAUGHS)
- It's okay. You'll be fine. - It fell on my foot.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
TV ANNOUNCER: Rachel Witchburn has led
the Student Council to great heights over the past two years.
In addition to repaving Greek Row, Rachel beautified Greek Row's grounds,
and expanded parking privileges for Greek Row.
Re-elect Rachel Witchburn. Vision. Leadership. Progress.
I'm Rachel Witchburn, and I approve this message.
Can you believe that? Who would fall for that?
(CLAPPING)
George, no.
No.
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
(SIGHS)
Prada, Gucci, Chanel, Armani...
(SCREAMING)
(MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ Pump, pump the fist
♪ You don't want that Do it like that
♪ Pump, pump, pump Pump, pump, pump, pump ♪
- SYDNEY: Freedom! - SPANKY: Freedom to the 7th Power!
Freedom to the 7th Power, people. Come one, come all.
♪ Get down With Freedom to the 7th Power ♪
Come learn about Freedom to the 7th Power, people!
Oh, yeah, check us out. This is the spot.
- Freedom! - (MUSIC STOPS)
I don't think we're making much of an impression.
SYDNEY: Yeah. I was worried about that.
Aha.
Free drinks! Free drinks over here!
Freedom to the 7th Power! Free drinks!
(CLAMORING)
Serve and socialize.
Who wants a burger?
- Hi. - Hi.
I just wanted to apologize for what happened.
I really am sorry.
It's okay.
So, how's life as a Kappa?
Oh, you know, it's good. (CHUCKLES)
- Hey, is one of these... - Yes, Lenny.
The greenish-looking one is your gluten-free soy patty.
- Excellent. - Do you have any extra of those?
- Are you allergic to gluten too? - All my life.
And it is so hard to find a decent gluten-free soy patty.
(CHUCKLING) Today's your lucky day because these are sensational.
- Lenny, this is my friend Dinky. - Oh, it's so nice to meet you.
Dinky. Right? Nice to meet you, Dinky.
Um, Dinky?
We're over there.
Hi, Sydney. It's nice to see you found some people you fit in with.
Mmm. It is nice, isn't it? If only there were a place
where a superficial, materialistic bitch could fit in.
- Oh, wait, there is. - (CHUCKLES)
Whatever.
It's so cute, making your little friends run for student council.
Mmm. It is cute. And it'll be even cuter when we win.
Just so you know, non-Greeks never win.
Yeah, just like you said new people never make it
on your "Hot or Not" list, right?
Let me give you one tip, Sydney.
I'm the last person you want to mess with.
No. You're the first.
Come on, let's go.
It was nice seeing you, Sydney. You too, Lenny.
(STAMMERING)
You realize she was flirting with you?
- Yeah. - No!
- Who's going to win today?
ALL: Sharks going to win today!
Who, who, who?
ALL: Sharks, sharks, sharks!
(ALL CHEERING)
Who's gonna win today?
Well, when the temperature drops below 60 and there's a headwind,
the forces exerted on the ball create an unfavorable magnitude and direction.
The resulting spatial vector leads to an increase in the Sharks' fumble ratio.
I anticipate a double-digit loss.
MAN: The dude's a freak.
I don't know about you, man, but I got to change my bet.
Wait a minute. I think we graduated with that dude.
SYDNEY: The election's coming up and we could really use your vote.
(ALL GASPING)
STUDENT: Hey, dudes, throw the Frisbee back.
Go on. Someone pick it up and throw it on back.
STUDENT: Right here!
Ow!
Heads up!
(MAN HUMMING A CAPELLA)
(WHISPERING) Dude, I think you have the wrong desk.
(BOTH HUMMING A CAPELLA)
Yeah. You definitely have the wrong desk.
♪ When I see you smile
♪ I can face the world
♪ You know, I can do anything
♪ When I see you smile
♪ I see a ray of light
♪ I see it shining right through the rain
♪ When I see you smile
♪ Baby When I see you smile at me ♪
(WHISPERING) Tyler, have you lost your mind?
No, but I will keep singing unless you agree to go out with me.
Just one date.
No.
♪ When I see you smile ♪
- (WHISPERING) Okay. - I...
Pick me up at 7:00. And it's not a date.
Done. But dinner's served at 5:00.
Nice work, Beta freshmen. Dismissed.
(SIGHS)
So, what do you guys think?
This is what I wore to my college interview,
so I thought it would be, you know, a nice first date outfit.
No, it's terrible. You look like Barbara Walters.
And you said this wasn't a date.
It is not a date.
We're just friends and, you know, I don't like him like that.
Only a little. You know, occasionally. When his shirt's off.
Ugh! Oh, I have no idea.
Uh-huh. That's how it always starts.
You never plan these things. First, you're friends.
Then you're all, "Hi! Are you here to fix the copier?"
- The next thing you know... - (GROWLS) You are no help.
Why are you so nervous anyway? You must've been
on plenty of dates before.
I don't know if you guys have figured this out,
but I'm not exactly the prom-queen type.
Yeah, but you're pretty, Sydney.
SYDNEY: Thanks, George.
But I've had about as much dating experience as you guys.
Whoa! Speak for yourself.
(ALL GASPING)
LENNY: I'm starting to see what you mean.
- You need something sexy. - But warm.
- Purple's pretty. - TERRENCE: My mom used to wear mauve.
- GURKIN: What about fuchsia? - SPANKY: No, no.
LENNY: That looks like it itches.
- GURKIN: Let me see. - GEORGE: Don't push.
Three quarters of first dates end in disappointment
for one or both parties, studies show.
- I hope you beat the odds. - Me, too.
(SNEEZES)
If you try any funny stuff,
I will unleash the power of the Internet on you.
I will register you as a sex offender in all 50 states, and Canada.
- Wow. - Yeah! And I'll kick your ass.
SYDNEY: Hi.
- You look... - (EXPLOSION)
- Thanks. - What was that all about?
That's nothing. You should see the plumbing.
- (EXPLOSION) - (BUZZING)
- What was that? - That's just Terrence.
You get used to it. Let's go. Bye, guys.
- Bye. - Bye, Sydney.
All 50 states, pal.
(EMBELE SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ I don't want another pretty face
♪ I don't want just anyone to hold
So, your idea of a date is to convert me?
Now, it's a date, huh?
♪ Your beautiful soul
Hey, guys.
♪ Yeah ♪
You serve meals to the homeless? I had no idea.
He had no choice.
Not unless he has some other plan to get
that infraction off of his permanent record.
Me and the Betas, we got in some trouble.
Let's just say a few campus ordinances were violated.
A few?
And you're working your hours off here?
Nice to see you recruiting my best students, Tyler.
- Sydney, happy to have you here. - Happy to be here.
So, do my hours tonight count towards working off Tyler's dirty deeds?
Actually, he fulfilled his requirement last year.
We just can't seem to get rid of him.
(SOFT BALLAD PLAYS)
TYLER: Watch your step. We're almost there.
Wow.
This is beautiful.
If you look over there, you can almost see Greek Row.
Which is probably the last thing you want to see.
Yeah. It's just... Growing up without my mom,
I was hoping that becoming a Kappa would help me connect with her.
Sydney, you don't need Kappa.
I know. I feel close to her just being at the school.
You know, I found her name carved into my study carrel.
No way.
Hey, is this where you bring all your first non-dates?
Luring the babes with this whole do-gooder thing?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sorority girls can't get enough of it.
"Tyler, this place doesn't even have a maître d'."
"Tyler, these plates are plastic. Touching them hurt my hands."
(LAUGHS)
Let's just say you're the first girl I've met
I thought would appreciate this place.
Well, I do, even if there was no bathroom attendant.
I had to turn the faucet myself.
(TYLER LAUGHS)
TYLER: Here we are.
All right. Well...
Thank you.
I had a great time.
(CHUCKLES) You're trying not to overtalk right now, aren't you?
(MOUTH WORD)
(EXCLAIMS) Whoa!
SPANKY: I'm okay. My spleen broke my fall.
(SNEEZES)
Hi, guys.
- Hey. - Hi, Sydney.
What a surprise.
We were just watching the...
TV COMMENTATOR: Touchdown!
- The game? - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, who's playing? - Um... the...
Saint Louis Gorillas.
You guys were spying on me, and just for that,
I'm not going to tell you about my date.
Oh, come on, Sydney.
Nope. Good night, boys.
- (GRUNTS) - Oh, man.
I should probably see a doctor.
(GROANS)
Hey, sexy.
Rachel, what the hell are you doing here?
Besides reading your boring emails, nothing.
Tell me what you were doing out with her?
You know what, Rachel? I like Sydney. Deal with it.
I don't care if you like her or not.
All I care about is our Greek Life Centre,
and Sydney and her band of goobers are screwing with our plans.
They don't have a shot at winning the election, and you know it.
Maybe we should just leave them alone.
That dump is obviously really important to them.
I don't know why anyone would want to live there.
That fire trap should be condemned.
Look, we can find another location.
Now, get out of here already.
One date, and you're ready to blow the whole deal?
It was a hell of a date.
Normally at this time of year, I'd be reporting
- that Rachel Witchburn... - Guys. Guys. Look.
...once again has a lock on the student council presidency.
But now, there is a new player on the scene.
Terrence Lubinecki's Freedom to the 7th Power party.
Do they have a shot?
- Can they even make a dent? - SYDNEY: You look so cute, Terrence.
Stay tuned.
(CHEERING)
Good looking guy.
Check it out. Maybe I'll actually vote this year.
Yeah, he's cool.
Hey, Rach, which of these should I wear?
- I don't care. - But I have a date.
- I don't care. - Come to my room
- and help me get dressed. - What is wrong with you?!
Rachel, you can't come in here. I just farted.
Ew. Katy, you're disgusting.
(ALL SHOUTING)
(ALL SCREAM)
- Get off me, you freaks! - GIRL: No!
What? No.
(SCREAMING) No!
Rachel, do you want to try your soothing words?
(SIGHS)
I don't need my soothing words.
It's all become very clear to me.
Sydney White must die a social death.
And take her seven dorks with her.
(COMPUTER GAME BEEPING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Great. Here comes Prince Charming.
Guys, please, just give him a chance.
Guys, please, just give him a chance. (GUN COCKING)
That means you, Gurkin. Put the paintball gun away.
(DOOR OPENS)
- Hi. Come on in. - Hi.
Hi.
- You ready? - Actually, I have a better idea.
We all hang here at the Vortex and order pizza.
What?
(WHIMPERING)
Sounds good to me.
(ALL GROANING)
Hey, is that Medal of Honor?
GURKIN: No, it's not Medal of Honor.
Medal of Honor is for wussies.
It's Gurkin of Honor. I made it.
Pays tribute to Medal of Honor, God of War, Halo, and Viva Piñata.
I'm pretty good at all those games. Mind if I give it a shot?
Okay.
(LAUGHING)
(SHUSHING)
(SIGHING
(MONSTER ROARING)
(GUNS FIRING)
(ALL CHEERING)
Eat lead, sucker.
- Gurkin, damn. He just kicked your ass. - Yes.
- Nice. - I have to say I am impressed.
- Well... - None of these other freaks
have come close to winning Gurkin of Honor.
(SIGHS) We Betas play video games too.
You do?
Yeah. What do you think we do?
Just have sex with girls all the time.
Hate to break it to you, Spanky, but we're really just regular guys.
Aw, he's like a kid who just found out there's no Santa Claus.
What?
I mean, hypothetically, you know, if there weren't a Santa Claus,
which of course there is.
You guys should come hang out sometime. Bring Gurkin of Honor.
We're having a party tomorrow night, you guys want to come?
(MOUTHING WORD)
(MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ I'm breakin' dishes up in here
♪ All night Uh-huh
♪ I ain't gonna stop Until I see police lights
♪ Uh-huh
♪ I'm a fight a man tonight I'm a fight a man tonight
♪ I'm a fight a man A man ♪
You made it.
The bar is over there, and the DJ's taking requests.
Do you think he has the Doctor Who theme song?
I'm thinking not.
That's okay. I brought my own.
As for you, dance floor is this way.
♪ Been coming home lately At 3:30
♪ I'm super cool I've been a fool ♪
ALL: (CHANTING) Twenty-five, 26...
And 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32.
(ALL CHEERING)
Yeah! All right!
Who's next? Anybody think they can beat that?
Yes. I do.
- (SCOFFS) - He thinks... (LAUGHS)
BOY: The dork thinks he can beat it. All right, good luck, buddy.
Whatever you say, man. Come on.
Ah. No, no. No, no.
(CROWD GASPING)
Start counting.
One, two...
ALL: Three, four,
five, six, seven, eight...
(CHUCKLES) I hope the guys are okay.
I haven't heard any girlish screams, so I'm thinking we're good.
Sure looks like it.
One-forty-nine, 150, 151, 152,
153, 154, 155...
(ALL CHEERING)
That was badass! (WHOOPING)
That was awesome.
- Lenny. - (STAMMERING) Ah...
Hey.
Oh, wow, I love your new hairstyle.
(STAMMERING) Yeah, I... I...
Dinky, Rachel needs you right away.
- Oh, but I just... - It's an emergency.
- Oh, you know what, okay. Bye. - Bye.
How come you boys haven't come out to party before?
You guys are so cool.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
We've been watching you. Where have you studs been hiding?
The building at the end of the road.
It's called the Vortex 'cause it sucks in losers.
That's sexy. (CHUCKLES)
Well, boys, there's seven of us and seven of you.
What's that sound like to you?
Fourteen?
Sounds like a party to me.
You know, there's a hot tub out back.
Through that door there's a study that leads right to it.
You can leave your clothes there.
But we don't have any swimming trunks.
Neither do we.
We'll meet you back there.
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)
Oh, boy.
SPANKY: Girls? Where are you? Where's the hot tub?
Marco!
- GIRL: They're naked! - (ALL GASPING)
Oh, no.
(CROWD LAUGHING)
It must be cold out there.
Oh, no.
RACHEL: Thanks for putting on a show, guys.
This is low, even for you, Rachel.
Aw, Sydney, so nice of you to care about them.
And since you're the mastermind
behind their adorable little Student Council campaign,
let me be the first to break the news.
Terrence has been disqualified from running for president.
What are you talking about?
Terrence Lubinecki is not a student at Southern Atlantic.
He graduated six years ago.
I had to stay. There was just so much more learning to do.
(WHISPERING) Terrence, maybe you should put on some clothes.
- MAN: Yeah. - SIDNEY: Okay.
Rachel, why don't you get the hell out of here?
Ooh, I love it when you get rough.
And, Ty, thanks for playing your part so well.
That's the other good news.
The Witchburn-Prince Greek Life Centre is now a reality.
- Witchburn-Prince? What the hell? - Oh, you didn't tell her?
I thought you guys were so close. It's a little joint project of ours.
And the only thing standing in our way was the Vortex.
So, like you suggested, Tyler,
I went ahead and had it condemned.
Now you can eat with the homeless every night.
You had something to do with this?
No. I mean, I said the place was a dump,
- but I didn't... - Witchburn-Prince, huh?
So you wanted to tear down the Vortex.
- Yeah, I did, but... - I don't want to hear it.
- Sydney! - No.
Don't grovel, Tyler. You're above it.
Things are looking grim, brothers.
I am so sorry about this, you guys.
You should've just left us alone.
We were fine until you came along and made us your guinea pigs.
You guys.
It's so important for us to stand up to the Greeks
and show them that they can't trample all over us.
Well, it's also important for us to have a place to live.
(PHONE LINE RINGING)
- PAUL: (ON PHONE) Hello? Dad?
(LAUGHING) Gotcha.
You've reached Royal Plumbing at the White House. No, not that one.
This is Paul and Sydney's. Leave a message.
(MACHINE BEEPS)
Hi, Dad. I was just calling to say I miss you.
And that's it.
Um... everything's great here. Really great.
I love you.
(GRUNTS)
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
(MOUTHING WORDS)
PAUL: It was that message last night.
I could tell something wasn't right. I could hear it in your voice.
So I got in the van and I drove all through the night.
I was a little surprised to find you weren't at the Kappa house, though.
I wanted to tell you so many times, but...
I kept thinking about Mom and... I felt like I'd failed her.
And you always sounded so proud of me on the phone.
Sweetheart, following in your mother's footsteps
is not about reliving her life.
It's about being the same kind of person she was.
Hey.
Your mom was much more than just a Kappa.
She was a woman who always fought
for what she believed in, and so are you.
Nothing could make me prouder than that.
Not even when I installed that water filtration system in under an hour?
That was pretty great.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(KNOCKING on DOOR)
(GROANS) It says, "Do not disturb."
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
Up and at 'em, guys.
It's time to make some plans.
I know you're still pissed at me, but come on.
Are you really gonna wallow here in this fleabag motel
because some prissy girly-girl who probably doesn't know who Gandalf is,
screwed us over?
You're right.
I bet she doesn't know who Gandalf is.
(SCOFFS)
(LAUGHING)
- We're still mad at you, though. - That's okay. I want you to be mad.
I want you to get fired up so we can win this election.
Because the Freedom to the 7th Power party will prevail.
Yeah!
With our new candidate for president.
Me!
I'm gonna run against Rachel.
And we're gonna take her down.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hi, I'm Sydney White and I'm running for Student Council president.
Hi, I'm Sydney White and I'm running for Student Council president
on the Freedom to the 7th Power ticket.
Your papers count for three quarters of your final grade,
and no late papers will be accepted.
As you're writing these papers, I want you to think
about the mechanics of modern campaigning.
SIDNEY: You may be wondering why you should even care.
Why bother voting? The Greeks win every year
and it's just one more way they run the school.
CARLTON: There's a whole lot of talk today
about the need to cater to your base.
But then there's something to be said for thinking outside of that box.
SYDNEY: Freedom to the 7th Power!
(ALL CHEERING)
Freedom to the 7th Power!
Good job.
(MUTTERING)
(YELLS)
(GRUNTS)
The fact is that 80% of the student body at Southern Atlantic
is not Greek. 80%.
CARLTON: Take the Kennedy campaign in 1960.
He was inherently an outsider.
A Catholic had never been elected as president.
Who reached out to other outsiders.
(ALL RECITING PRAYER IN HEBREW)
- L'chaim. - ALL: L'chaim.
SYDNEY: To those students I say, it's time for you to be heard.
CARLTON: Minorities, women, the poor.
The disenfranchised won that election for John Kennedy.
"Naked Pain." An epic poem in 12 parts.
It's time for you to be heard. And we are here to listen.
(ALL CHEERING)
♪ Stand up, stand up
♪ Cannot be strong enough... ♪
(CHANTING AND SINGING)
It's a lesson worth remembering.
(EXCLAIMING)
♪ Stand up, stand up
♪ I gotta be strong enough
♪ So stand up, stand up
♪ Brothers, be strong enough
♪ We're trying hard to be ourselves
♪ Again... ♪
(CHEERING)
RACHEL: Here you go.
Don't vote for Sydney White. Let's keep it Greek, all right?
Does this look like your next president?
Vote Rachel Witchburn.
Hi, ho.
Bye, ho.
Don't vote for Sydney White.
Vote Rachel Witchburn. Rachel Witchburn.
(GRUNTING)
No way. You read peoplespunisher too?
I write it.
Oh, my God. It's the most genius thing ever.
Did you know that the Brew House
has an entire spoken-word night devoted to that blog?
- Really? - Yeah.
And... I know this is really embarrassing,
but I swore that if I ever met the peoplespunisher guy...
Well, I'd hook up with him.
(HAMMER FALLS)
Damn it!
(AWKWARD CHUCKLING)
Need some help?
Oh. Hi.
Listen, I'm really...
Is that a Stanley 22 Ounce AntiVibe Framing Hammer?
Yes, it is.
Can I touch it?
You can have it.
I saw you guys with the signs. I thought I could help.
And I just want to tell you I'm really sorry
about what happened the other night.
I had nothing to do with what Rachel pulled.
Yeah, I was involved in the Greek Centre,
but Rachel twisted everything around.
Yeah. I know what that's like.
You're gonna do great at the debate tomorrow.
(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
I thought we might do a little business.
I thought you finished Carlton's paper last week.
I did, but I wanted to add some of the ideas from our campaign.
You really are a dork.
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
Hmm.
(BEEPS)
- What just happened? - I don't...
- Wait. Make it come back. - ROBOTIC VOICE: Uh-oh.
- She just opened it. - (KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Voilà . One poisoned Apple.
Uh...
ROBOTIC VOICE: Self-destruct.
LENNY: Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
All right, pay up.
(SIGHS)
Yes!
She's gone catatonic.
It's no use. Even I can't fix this.
My paper, due tomorrow.
The debate, tomorrow.
The guy definitely knew what he was doing.
TERRENCE: What about... Ow!
I can't let her win like this.
But the debate starts in 12 hours.
(SIGHS) I'm just gonna have to pull an all-nighter.
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
(SIGHS)
CARLTON: (ON P.A.) The debate's about to begin.
Candidates, please report to the stage.
- We couldn't find her anywhere. - Where could she be?
She should be done with her paper by now.
CARLTON: (ON P.A.) We need all candidates on stage now.
Sydney. Sydney, you got to wake up.
(MOANING)
I know you're tired, but you can't give up now.
You mean a lot to those guys out there.
(SIDNEY MOANS)
You mean a lot to me.
- Okay. I'm awake now. - Come on.
All right. Well, I'm afraid we can't wait any longer for Ms. White.
(DOOR OPENS)
I'm here! I'm here!
(CROWD GASPS)
(MURMURING)
Ms. Witchburn, if you win another term as president,
what will you do differently?
Why fix what isn't broken?
(ALL CHEERING)
This has been a great year for the university,
and I am particularly proud to be breaking ground
on the Greek Life Centre very soon.
(CHEERING)
Ms. White, your rebuttal?
(BOOING)
Yay.
I guess your people couldn't make it. It's just you and your dorks.
(DOOR OPENS)
- (MARCHING BAND PLAYING) - Go, Sydney!
Oh, my God.
- (CHEERING) - GIRL: Go, Sydney!
(MILITARY COMMAND YELLING)
GIRL: Go Sydney!
BOY: I vote for Sydney!
(LAUGHS)
(DRUM ROLL PLAYING)
ALL: Go!
For years, you've been oppressed by the Greek elite,
who take everything for themselves,
and leave nothing for the rest of us.
(BOOING)
It's time for the rest of the school to take back the school.
- Yeah! - (CHEERING)
I bet most of you have no idea how great
the campus a cappella group is, and why would you?
The social and cultural landscape is entirely run by the Greeks.
And those guys are forced to practice in a dank basement.
- That's hard on their vocal cords. - BOY: Yeah!
- Professor Carlton... - Let her finish.
I have met so many great and interesting people here,
that I never would have met if I didn't step out of my own world.
Before, all I wanted was to fit in.
But I've learned that we're all searching to fit in.
And we all feel like outsiders.
And we all do things and feel things
that are bizarre, and unconventional, and... dorky.
(CHEERING)
We're all dorks.
Yeah!
My name is Sydney White. My dad's a plumber.
I collect comic books...
and I'm secretly terrified of balloon animals.
(CROWD LAUGHS)
I'm a dork.
Yeah!
(CHEERING)
I'm Tyler Prince.
I'm the current high scorer in Gurkin of Honor.
I'm a dork.
(CHEERING)
My name is... Well, it's really Sanford,
and I've never had sex with a girl before.
(CROWD MURMURING)
But I really, really want to.
I'm a dork. (CHUCKLES)
(CHEERING)
Hi.
My name is Jeremy.
I used to speak only through my puppet.
I'm a dork!
(CHEERING)
My name's Moose.
When I was 13, I was the top-ranked male
figure skater in the state of New Jersey.
BOY: Dude!
So I guess that makes me a dork.
(CHEERING)
I've hated Rachel Witchburn
ever since she told me I had "mom" arms freshman year.
I have a voodoo doll of her in my underwear drawer,
and I stick pins in it.
Oh, and I'm a dork.
(CHEERING)
Hi. (GIGGLES) My name is Dinky Hodgekiss.
And I think I'm in love with a dork.
(ALL WHOOPING)
(CHEERS)
Let's hear it for the dorks!
(ALL CHEERING)
Rachel Witchburn, you've exhibited
behavior unsuitable for a Kappa.
You've lied, manipulated,
and verbally abused your sisters and fellow students.
And you are just such a...
A bitch.
We, all of us,
hereby strip you of the privileges of the Kappa sisterhood.
But you can't! You can't just...
We just did.
Hmm!
ALL: (CHANTING) Here comes a Kappa Queen of the Row.
She's hot, she's cool She ain't no ho.
She's got style
- She's got class. - Prada...
- And from behind, a kicking... - Gucci...
(KAPPAS GIGGLING)
(SCREAMING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ You're looking for something You can't find
♪ If you give it up You'll lose your mind
♪ There's always Something in your way
♪ Well, what can you say?
♪ You're gonna have good day
♪ You're gonna have good day ♪
(SNEEZES)
Oh, no. You're not getting sick, are you?
- Nah. It's just the mulch. - Oh.
(BOTH MOANING)
(CAR HORN HONKS)
Hey, we're from Southeast State and we're lost. Can you help us?
I will be your guide.
Give me five minutes.
Take all the time you need.
Okay. Bye.
Terrence! What happened?
Hey, guys. I finally perfected my predictive analytic probability theory.
It can predict anything
from the behavior of amino acids in a stable isotope peptide bond
to the outcome of sporting events.
So I sold it to ibet.com for $10 million.
- (WHOOPING) - My God! Are you kidding me?
You are rich man!
You know I helped. I did.
(WHISTLES)
ALL: Aw!
Oh, let's take a picture.
Come on, come on.
Get together.
Say cheese.
ALL: Cheese.
SYDNEY: So, that's the story of Sydney White.
My mom was right. I did make friends for life.
And we all lived... Well, do you even have to ask?
Dorkily ever after.
♪ I'm not worried
♪ Here he comes
♪ I'm not worried
♪ Better stand down your guns
♪ I feel nothing
♪ I'm stepping out Here I go
♪ I'm not worried
♪ Trying hard
♪ Tried it all To keep your head in the game
♪ In the game, quit playing
♪ That was me
♪ I don't know that me no more
♪ I got tired, fell asleep Now I am back
♪ I'm not worried
♪ Here it comes
♪ I'm not worried
♪ Better stand down your guns
♪ I'm not worried
♪ Here it comes
♪ I'm not worried
♪ Better stand down your guns
♪ I feel nothing
♪ Stepping out Now here I go
♪ I'm not worried ♪
(BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE PLAYS)
♪ She's got a little bit of trouble In her eyes
♪ Just enough to let me know She's the paradise
♪ She's part so safe Part hell fire
♪ When you think she's piqued That's when she takes it high
♪ And I fall apart
♪ When she says goodbye
♪ She's such a beautiful surprise
♪ A flash of light Across the cold black sky
♪ A low cool rain On a hot summer night
♪ Leaves me mesmerized
♪ She's such a beautiful surprise
♪ Beautiful
♪ She's such a beautiful surprise ♪