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北韓前領導人金正日
緊張情勢持續升溫… Tensions are rising as the stand-off
各國與霸權瓦迪亞之間的對峙 between the world community and the rogue North African nation of Wadiya
現況轉為激烈 intensified today
由於瓦迪亞領導人阿喇釘的反對 as U.N. Weapons inspectors were once again refused access to the country
聯合國武器督察員再度被拒於門外 by Wadiyan leader, Admiral General Aladeen.
我絕不妥協，我說話算話 I will take no options off the table. And I mean what I say.
今晚的專題是… Tonight we ask... Who is General Aladeen?
阿喇釘是何方神聖？
依瓦迪亞的文宣 According to Wadiyan propaganda,
哈法茲阿喇釘出生於1973年 Haffaz Aladeen was born in 1973.
他一出生，母親就因難產而死 He did not know his mother, who died in childbirth.
他是暴君歐馬阿喇釘的獨生子 General Aladeen was born the only son of the Colonel Aladeen,
而歐馬阿喇釘就是個 凶殘暴斂的獨裁者 himself a savage and violent dictator.
下一個 Next!
由於他標誌性的大鬍子目標太明顯 Known for his iconic beard,
他僱了30個女保鏢 he is protected by 30 female guards,
而且讓她們一直保持處女之身 who he maintains are virgin.
在七歲時得掌大權 Thrust into power at age seven,
是全世界頭號危險人物 he may just be the most dangerous man in the entire world.
好吧，我們開門見山 All right, let's get right to it.
你擁有核武嗎？ Do you have nuclear weapons?
你說什麼？ What was the question?
你擁有核武嗎？ Do you have nuclear weapons?
抱歉，我聽不見 Sorry, I can't hear you.
你在開發核武嗎？ Are you developing nuclear weapons?
我聽不清楚 No, I literally can't hear you.
那我問個別的問題吧 I'm going to another question.
哦，現在能聽見了 Oh, I can hear you now.
古怪且坐擁無窮石油財富 Eccentric and with unlimited oil wealth,
他最近還舉辦了自己的奧運 he recently hosted his own Olympic Games...
各就各位，預備… On your mark, get set.
他總共贏得十四面金牌 ...at which he won fourteen gold medals.
“新世界紀錄”
阿喇釘…阿喇釘！ Aladeen! Aladeen!
他不學無術 Often described as ignorant,
“瓦迪亞英文字典” he changed over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen,"
他把三百多個瓦迪亞字
都改成了“阿喇釘” including the words "positive" and "negative," causing mass confusion.
包括“好”與“壞”，造成極大困擾
“愛哈馬迪亞醫藥！(2007)” Do you want the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?
你想聽阿喇釘消息還是阿喇釘消息
阿喇釘消息好了… The Aladeen news?
你的愛滋病檢查結果很阿喇釘 You are HIV-Aladeen.
無懼國際壓力 With pressure mounting,
阿喇釘在今天向全國發表演說 Aladeen addressed his nation today.
阿喇釘…阿喇釘！ Aladeen! Aladeen!
瓦迪亞的人民… People of Wadiya,
今天我要向大家宣示… I come before you today
全世界將屈服於我們腳下 to tell you that the world shall kneel before our great nation.
我們再兩個月就能提煉出武器級的鈾 We are two months away from enriching weapons-grade uranium
用來作為…和平用途 to be used for peaceful purposes.
像是用在醫學研究… It will be used only for medical research
以及綠色能源，沒錯沒錯 and clean energy. It will, it will.
當然絕不會用在… And will certainly never be used
攻擊…別鬧了! to attack Is... Oh, boy.
片名:大獨裁者落難記
經過今天的演說… With that speech, today,
國際社會不禁提出一個問題 the international community is asking one question:
“瓦迪亞的狂人真的擁有核武嗎？” Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya have nuclear weapons?
“秘密核子設施，阿喇釘沙漠”
快給我看我的核武！我等不及了！ Now, show me my nuclear weapons!
I can't wait! I can't wait!
這就是“毀滅之鬍”火箭？ This is the Beard of Doom rocket?
這是我的武器？我會成為笑柄！ This is my weapon? I will be a laughingstock!
我的所有朋友都有核武 All my friends have got nuclear weapons.
連伊朗總統內賈德都有！ Even Ahmadinejad!
他長得還像“邁阿密風雲”裡的抓耙子 And he looks like a snitch on Miami Vice.
打個領帶他會死嗎？ Would it kill him to wear a tie?
難道伊朗人都穿休閒服上班的嗎？ I mean, is every day in Iran casual Friday?
我的核子計劃長兼皮條客在哪裡？ Where is the Head of my Nuclear Program and Procurer of Women?
我的“核子”納達呢？ Where is Nuclear Nadal?
最高領導人，納達被您處死了 You had Nadal executed, Supreme Leader.
我幹嘛處死他？ Why did I do that?
“二年前”
最高領導人！ Supreme Leader!
納達 Nadal.
我們再幾個月就能提煉出武器級的鈾 We are just months away from refining weapons-grade uranium,
而且下週就要測試飛彈 and we are set to test the missile next week.
彈頭太圓了，必須要再尖一點 It is too round on the top. It needs to be pointy.
圓的不可怕，尖的才可怕 Round is not scary. Pointy is scary.
敵人看到這個會笑掉大牙 This will put a smile on the faces of the enemy.
他們會以為是一根超大的電動按摩棒 They will think that it is a huge robot dildo flying toward them.
不，最高領導人 No, Supreme Leader.
彈頭形狀跟空氣動力學無關 The shape of the missile top has nothing to do with aerodynamics.
關鍵在於有效載荷 It is about the payload delivery.
尖頭會插入地面，然後就爆炸 No. It sticks in the ground, and then kaboom.
我想或許… Supreme Leader, I think perhaps
您的一些炸彈知識是來自卡通 some of your information about bombs is coming from cartoons.
胡扯，我看的都是學術影片 Nonsense. They were research films.
在那片子裡，被炸的人 And in them, the victims of the bomb
臉會被薰黑 would get very sooty faces
然後靈魂出竅 and then a see-through version of themselves
彈著豎琴升天 started rising up towards Heaven while playing a harp.
那請問在這些影片中 In this film, just one question,
爆炸發生時，有沒有一隻鴨子的… was there a duck who, when the explosion is happens,
…嘴被炸到後腦勺… his bill goes around to the back of his head,
要把鴨嘴轉回來才能再說話？ and then in order to talk, he has to put it back this way?
有些鴨子就是天生畸形 There was somebody who suffered a deformity like that. Okay.
我現在百分之百確定你看的是卡通 I am now 100% sure that you are watching cartoons.
你和相關專家談過嗎？ Have you spoken to the experts about this?
- 你諮詢過鮑派教授嗎？ - 誰？ - Have you consulted Professor Bobeye? - Who?
鮑派教授，就是那個前臂超強壯 Professor Bobeye, the one with the incredibly strong forearms
比身體粗好多的那個人 that are miss-sized for his body.
你說的是卜派 The man you are discussing is called Popeye.
- 就是鮑派 - 他不是教授 - Bobeye. - He is not a professor.
卜派就是歌裡面唱的那個大力水手 Popeye is, as the song tells us, a sailor man.
別吐槽，暫時當我是白痴 Indulge me. For one second, pretend that I'm an idiot.
好，沒問題 Okay. I'm there.
那你來給我解釋一下 And explain to me how this bomb
要是這個炸彈沒落在以色列 will not land in Israel
而是彈回來把瓦迪亞給炸了怎麼辦？ and then, literally, bounce right back and blow up Wadiya.
首領，讓我和您解釋一下 Supreme Leader, let me explain to you.
我不懂 You've lost me.
這是飛彈在瓦迪亞 This is the missile in Wadiya,
你按下按鈕，噗！ you push the button, "Boop!"
這是以色列… Israel...
“不！怎麼回事？” "No! Why?"
然後核子冬天 Nuclear winter.
事實是… The reality is...
呃啊！ Oy vey!
我們… Us.
相信我，長官 如果我能把飛彈做得再尖點 Believe me, sir, if I could make the device even a little more pointy,
...我就會那樣做的 但是我真不能 I would, but I simply cannot.
這樣吧… Okay. You know what?
我們就尊重彼此的意見 Let's just agree to disagree, my friend.
好 Okay.
什麼？為什麼？不要！ What? Why? No!
你不記得了？ - Don't you remember? - Of course I remember!
我當然記得！
你竟敢質疑我的記憶，我全都記得！ How dare you question my memory? I remember everything!
小的不敢了 No, I would never do that! Never! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.
對不起，我不是故意的
別擔心，沒事的，我的朋友 Don't worry, it's fine. Well done, my friend.
謝謝 Thank you.
等等，我們要去哪裡？ Wait! Wait! Where are we going?
元帥大將軍 Admiral General, what if we just tell the United Nations
何不瞞著聯合國有關核武的事 we have no nuclear weapons?
他們就會解除制裁 They will lift the sanctions.
我們就能賣賈拉比亞沙漠的石油權 We'll be free to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert.
泰米叔叔 Uncle Tamir.
你不記得父王臨終前要我承諾他的事？ Do you not remember what my saintly father made me promise him on his deathbed?
絕不能賣瓦迪亞的石油 It was never to sell Wadiya's oil.
就是那時候他傳位給我 You remember that was when he gave me power
而不是給你這個合法繼承人 instead of you, the rightful heir.
你真的太有風度了 You've been so cool about it.
回去王宮吧 Now, let's go back to the palace.
今天是… It's the season finale
“傻哈姆媽的夜市人生”的大結局！ of Real Housewives of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch!
Aladeen! Aladeen!
暴君去死吧！ Death to the tyrant!
看來我們需要新替身了 Looks like we need to find a new double.
因為這個… Because this one is...
他大概不會康復了 You know, I don't know if he's going to get better.
當然不會，他死了 Oh, he's not going to recover, sir. He's dead.
送他老婆一些杏仁巧克力吧 Send his wife some chocolate covered almond nuts
用手機盒包裝，一定好吃 in a cellophane wrapped box. Delicious.
我們會送給你老婆一些杏仁 We're going to send your wife some almonds.
撒在巧克力上 Chocolate covered versions of these.
小馬，我好像把一個杏仁掉他腦袋裡了 Maroush, I think I dropped an almond in his head.
你能拿出來嗎？ Can you take it out?
我可不想把屍體運回他家 What I don't want to do is send the body to the family
然後被他們發現他腦袋裡有個杏仁 and then they discover an almond in his head,
他們會問的“他腦袋裡怎麼有杏仁呀？” and they say, "Why is there an almond in his head?"
拿出來 Take it out.
擦擦呀！ Clean it!
不然怎麼吃啊？ How am I gonna eat that?
- 別吃 - 哦，小馬！ - Don't eat it. - Oh, Maroush!
聽著，一切都會沒事的 Listen, everything is gonna be just fine.
我不想讓你有任何顧慮 I don't want you to worry about anything.
我跟你說話時看著我的眼睛 Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye when I'm speaking to you?
說話時不看對方眼睛很沒禮貌 It's very rude not to look at somebody in the eye when they're talking to you.
算了，你今天已經夠衰了 It's okay. Don't worry. You're having a rough day.
我們殺錯人了 We shot the wrong man.
我有個新計劃，需要找個新替身 I can fix this. I have a new plan. We need to find a new double.
一個頭腦簡單可完全操控的人 One that is simple enough to be manipulated completely.
我想我們找到適當人選了 I think we found what you are looking for.
你們覺得這個人像我？ You think this man looks like me?
你的穀倉好大啊 You have a very big barn.
你一定有許多快樂的羊 You must have many happy goats, hmm?
他在說什麼東東？ What the fuck does that even mean?
泰米叔叔，這傢伙是白痴 Uncle Tamir, this thing is an idiot.
你怎麼會以為他能勝任？ What makes you think he can do the job?
容我提醒你 May I remind you that his only real job is to be shot in the head.
他唯一的任務就是當肉靶
很好，把他改造一番 Very well. Put him through the process, okay?
修剪指甲、美白牙齒、漂白皮膚 Clip his nails, file his teeth,
還有…把雞雞弄短 bleach his skin, and shorten the penis.
梅根…梅根！ Megan! Megan!
妳正式感染皰疹了 You now have herpes.
梅根，妳物超所值 Megan, you were worth every penny.
你超猛的 You were super hot.
我的噴射機準備好了？ Is my jet ready?
好了，但妳想留下來過夜嗎？ Yes, but do you want to stay the night?
抱著睡覺？ You know, I really want to do some cuddling.
你的時間到了 No. Your time is up.
我明天還要陪義大利總理 I have to be with the Italian Prime Minister tomorrow.
好吧，小馬，給謝禮 Okay. Maroush, give the goodie bag!
Thanks.
我相信妳經紀人開的價碼都沒少 I trust everything is in there, as your manager requested?
凱蒂佩芮說她拿到勞力士鑽錶 Katy Perry said she got a diamond Rolex.
那是因為她讓我射在臉上 That's because she let me Aladeen in her face.
妳確定不想留下來抱抱？ Okay. Right. Are you sure you don't want to stay for some cuddles?
不要 - No. - But, please.
拜託，我真的想要人抱抱 I really want someone to cuddle.
新聞快報，幾分鐘前… Breaking news now. Just moments ago,
聯合國安理會批准北約空襲瓦迪亞 the U.N. Security Council voted to authorize NATO air strikes against Wadiya,
除非元帥大將軍阿喇釘同意… unless Admiral General Aladeen agrees to address the U.N. In person.
親自向聯合國發表演說
現在全世界都在等待… And now, the world waits.
阿喇釘接下來的動向 What will Aladeen do next?
“堅持下去！”
“砍頭加分”
你可以使用自殺背心了！
“汽車炸彈-東京地鐵” Next. No, no, no. No. Boring, boring. Come on. Come on.
不要…無聊…
“東京地鐵”
親愛的壓迫者殿下，我接到不幸消息 Beloved Oppressor, I have just received disturbing news.
歡迎來到慕尼黑奧運… Welcome to the Munich Olympics.
你好？ Shalom?
好耶！ Oy vey!
最高領導人… Supreme Leader,
聯合國要求您公開說明… the United Nations demands that
有關國內的核子計劃 you address their concerns about our nuclear program,
否則他們會批准軍事行動 or they will vote to authorize military action.
召集我的將軍們 Summon my generals.
等我玩通這一關就去找你們 I'll join you after I finish this level.
獎勵關：大墳墓 Bonus round. Mass grave.
那些聯合國的強盜們想讓我去演說 Those gangsters at the UN want me to address them.
很好！我會對這個不知所謂的聯合國進行演說！ Fine! I'll address them like they've never been addressed before.
他們讓我演說多長時間？ How much time have they allotted me?
7分鐘，長官 Seven minutes, sir.
我要演說14個小時！ I'll talk for 14 hours!
其中3個小時會讓他們沒法翻譯 And three of those will be untranslatable.
就像嬰兒那樣哼哼 Literally, baby noises.
好了，咱們彩排一遍，角色扮演 Okay. Let's rehearse this. Role play, role play.
你，過來，這肯定很好玩 You, come on. This'll be fun.
那麼，秘書長，您的士兵會哭的… So, Secretary General, your soldiers will weep...
對不起！這不關我的事 I'm so sorry! Listen, it was not my fault.
有人動了槍的保險 I mean, somebody had set the safety catch
把保險從“阿喇釘”轉到“阿喇釘”了 to "Aladeen" instead of "Aladeen."
我的意思是，這把槍… Look, I mean, this whole gun...
會沒事的，冰敷一下就好了 It's gonna be fine. You just need to ice it.
你得冰敷 You got to ice.
答應我，你會冰敷的 Promise me you're going to ice?
好了，泰米！ Okay. Tamir!
幫我把安眠枕充氣 Inflate my neck pillow
帶上我那本《中級數獨》 and pack my book of medium-level Sudoku.
我們要去美國了！ We're going to America!
“解放瓦迪亞人民”
“打垮阿喇釘”
“瓦迪亞人民要求正義”
美國啊！ America!
愛滋病的發源地 The birthplace of AIDS.
“蘭卡斯特飯店”
最高領導人，我這次有加強您的保全 Supreme Leader, I took the liberty of hiring some extra security.
這位是克萊頓先生 This is Mr. Clayton.
元帥大將軍 Admiral General, I am here for your protection 24/7.
您此行的保安工作將由我負全責 Okay.
但為了開誠佈公… But in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say I hate A-rabs.
我先聲明我討厭阿拉伯人
沒差，我又不是阿拉伯人 Well, that's fine, because I'm not an Arab.
在我看來你們全是阿拉伯人 Well, you're all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews,
黑人、猶太人…
還有阿凡達裡面的環保娘炮 those blue tree-hugging queers in A-vatar.
嚴格來說美國人以外的都是阿拉伯人 In fact, anyone from outside of America is technically an A-rab.
既然您來了… Listen, while you're here,
我強力推薦您參觀帝國大廈 I highly recommend a visit to the Empire State Building,
…趁您或您的堂兄弟還沒炸掉它之前 before you or one of your sand-monkey cousins takes it down.
還有，如果你想看百老匯演出 Also, if you're interested in taking in a Broadway show while you're here,
且對同志內容不反感的話 and you don't mind the homo stuff,
我強烈推薦《舞動人生》 I highly recommend Billy Elliot.
雖然他口沒遮攔，但我喜歡 You know what, I like this guy despite his liberal views.
很好，先生 Very good, sir.
最高領導人 Supreme Leader, the suite has been renovated to your specifications.
套房已依您的指示重新裝潢
上網要20美元？搞屁啊 Twenty dollars a day for Internet? What the fuck?
他們還敢指控我是國際罪犯！ And they accuse me of being an international criminal?
壓迫者殿下，早點休息吧 Beloved Oppressor, try to get some sleep.
明天您還有個重要的演說 Tomorrow is your big speech.
誰都不准碰迷你吧！簡直是敲詐！ Nobody touch the minibar! It's a fucking rip-off!
太陽曬屁股了 Rise and shine.
你是誰？ Who are you?
我們其實見過面了 We've actually already met.
你好，阿喇釘 Hello, Aladdin.
克萊頓？我還以為我們是朋友 Clayton? I thought we were friends.
我也很高興見到你 Nice to see you, too.
是這樣的… Here's the deal.
我要殺了你，然後燒了你的屍體 I'm gonna kill you, and then I'm gonna burn your body.
不不不，求你了，不要 No, no, no. Please, don't.
在這之前我有個很重要的問題要問你 But before I do I have one very important question for you.
你去看《舞動人生》了嗎？ Did you get a chance to see Billy Elliot?
看了 Yes.
然後呢？ And?
我發現它很感人很勵志 I found it heartwarming and life-affirming.
謝謝！那個演出棒嗎？ Thank you! How great is that show?
是的，很棒 It is. It's great, yeah.
那個男主角天生就有藝術細胞 You know, he's got like an artist inside himself,
但他一個打工仔，根本沒人理解他 but he's in this working class place and no one understands him.
他就要用舞蹈來表達自己 He's just like... I'm gonna express myself in my dance.
他表達自己… And he expresses himself...
他不想動用暴力，但他把暴力融入在舞蹈裡 And he doesn't wanna use violence, but he puts his violence into his dance.
你真該試試這招 You should try that.
好了，言歸正傳，剛才太八卦了 Okay. So, we gotta get down to business. Enough chit-chat.
有人出錢請我殺你 I'm being paid to kill you.
但折磨你就算免費的 But I'm gonna torture you for free.
沒搞錯吧？ Are you serious?
這些破爛玩意哪裡來的？ Where'd you get those relics?
伊朗國王的二手拍賣會？ From the Shah of Iran's garage sale?
很好笑 Yeah, right.
要當一個優秀的虐待狂是很難的 I mean, I know there's nothing more annoying than a backseat torturer, but, please, come on.
你嘛幫幫忙
這些東西都很屌 This is great stuff.
拜託，40年前也許是 It's not great stuff. That's like 1972, hello.
等這個插你菊花你就不會嘴賤了 You won't be talking so much smack with this up your butt.
屁屁傘，我同意很有效… That's the Anal Umbrella. It's a good device, I grant you,
但你這款的防屎板呢？ but where's the splash guard?
你殺我就會毀了你的白襯衫 You're going to kill me and your white shirt.
它沒附防屎板 It didn't come with a splash guard.
大便會噴到你的褲子上 You're gonna get chara on your trousers.
這裡的確有個螺絲孔，我被騙了 I can see it has a screw hole for one. Apparently, I didn't get it.
好啊，自作聰明的你 All right, Mr. Smart Guy,
見識這個狠角色吧 check out this bad boy.
不錯嘛，老二夾夾樂 Oh, that's not bad. The Kandahar Cock Wrench.
你也覺得這個不錯吧 Okay, so, now we're getting somewhere.
這玩意在沙烏地因為太安全被禁用 It's actually been banned in Saudi Arabia for being too safe.
這真是太掃興了 You know, this is totally depressing.
秀點別的啊 Listen, just show me another one.
老實說，我不想再秀傢伙給你看了 You know, honestly, I don't even want to show you anything anymore.
別這樣嘛 Don't be like that.
我覺得你根本不想被虐待 You know, I don't even think you want to be tortured.
我是不想被虐待啊 I don't want to be tortured.
只有你一個人在高興 You're just, like, taking all the fun out of it!
你就是想讓我恭維你 You just want me to say compliments all the time.
到底是要聽實話還是恭維話！快說！ So either you want the truth or you want compliments. Decide!
那誰不願意聽點誇讚自己傢伙的好話啊！ It'd be nice if I got just a little bit of positive feedback about my tools.
你還有什麼？我會喜歡的，我保證 What else you got? I'm gonna love the next thing! I will be supportive.
好吧 All right.
就這個了，可以噴火 Just this. This pours hot fire out on you.
費盧傑噴火器！你居然有敘利亞朋友！ Oh, the Fallujah Firehose! Someone's got a friend in Syria!
我還滿自豪的 I am pretty proud of it.
你知道這個有升級版了 There is a new model, you know.
我的是用藍牙遙控的 I've got one that works by Bluetooth.
算了，算了！ Screw it. Screw it! Screw it!
我會享受這一切的 I'm going to enjoy this now.
不要，求求你！ No, don't. Don't. Don't. Please, don't!
少了這個，就沒人能認屍了！ No one will recognize the body without this!
我的萬聖鬍子！你會受到詛咒的！ The Supreme Beard! You will be cursed!
千萬不要！ No, no, don't do it!
怎麼點不著？ Come on! Why won't this catch?
笨蛋！世俗之火哪可能點燃… You foolish man! There is no earthly fire that could ever light...
打擊不公的正義火焰！ The flames of the righteous attack the unjust!
我會找人來幫你！騙你的！ I'll be back with help! J. K.! Just kidding!
我的演說 My speech.
喂！在血拼的美國平民！ Yo! Average American shopper!
我身上沒帶錢 I do not have any money on me,
但如果你把衣服給我的話 but if you give me your clothes
我會以你的名義，向基地組織捐大一筆錢 I'll make a sizeable donation in your name to al-Qaeda.
“聯合國”
嘿…吼…！阿喇釘要下台！ Hey, hey, oh, oh! Aladeen has got to go!
嘿…吼…！阿喇釘要下台！
我是元帥大將軍阿喇釘 Hello. I am Admiral General Aladeen.
我是來聯合國發表演說的 I am here to deliver my speech to the United Nations.
元帥，少裝瘋賣傻 Look, Admiral, it's too hot for crazy.
膽敢放肆 How dare you? Listen, Tamir is coming right now.
泰米快來了，你代誌大條了 You're going to be in big trouble. Here he is.
泰米！泰米！ Tamir! Tamir!
泰米，原來是你在搞鬼！ Tamir, it was you, you snake!
他不是合法的領導人！ He's not the legitimate leader!
他不是合法的領導人！
He's not the legitimate leader!
他不是合法的領導人！ He's not the legitimate leader!
他不是合法的領導人！
你有練習我準備的講稿嗎？ You have rehearsed the speech I prepared for you?
有，但將軍什麼時候會來？ Yes. But when is the General coming?
他不舒服 He's feeling ill.
他肚子長蛔蟲嗎？ Does he have worms in his shilshul?
很有可能 Very possibly.
元帥大將軍阿喇釘準備… Admiral General Aladeen preparing
向聯合國大會發表演說 to address the General Assembly of the United Nations.
他正走向講台 An historic moment. He's approaching the podium.
他直接走過講台 And he's walked right past the podium.
他在做什麼？ What is he doing?
你害我糗大了！ You are making a fool out of me!
丹妮絲是本台的聯合國特派員 Let's bring in Denise, our U. N. Correspondent.
妳怎麼解讀？ What do you make of that?
他想引起聯合國注意 Well, I have to say, he's got their attention.
所有人都在注視他 Every eye in the room is on him right now.
他返回講台 And he's returning to the podium.
他摔下台了 And he's fallen off the stage.
丹妮絲，妳怎麼解讀？ What do you make of that, Denise?
他顯然是暗示聯合國不值一屑 You know, he's clearly implying that the U. N. Must fall before him.
不用杯子，直接拿水壺喝水 Drinking from the pitcher of water directly, as opposed to the glass that I'm sure must be up there.
這是什麼意思？ What do you think that means?
這是再度試圖表明… Again, it's another attempt to say,
“聽著，我可不鳥你們的規則” "Listen, I'm not going to play by your rules."
他似乎撇了一壺尿 And he seems to have a pitcher of urine out.
我相信他剛才尿在水壺裡 I believe he just urinated in the pitcher.
他正在喝自己的尿 He is now drinking his urine.
看起來是他自己的尿 It looks to be his own urine.
歹勢，你們想喝嗎？ Sorry. You want?
他想逼以色列代表團喝 Trying to force it on the Israeli delegation.
那是大使 That might be the ambassador.
他把尿倒在以色列代表團身上 He is dumping the urine on the Israeli delegation.
好樣的 Oh, that's a good one.
他現在回到講台 Okay, he's returning to the podium.
我們各國之間存在許多敵意 Much has been made of the hostility between our countries.
在聯合國的協助下 With the help of the U.M.,
我會起草瓦迪亞的新憲法 I will draft a new constitution for Wadiya
並在五天後的瓦迪亞獨立日簽署 and sign it in five days, on Wadiya's Independence Day.
不要… No, no, no.
這個新憲法 This new constitution
將會結束獨裁政權 will end the dictatorship...
不行！ No!
將瓦迪亞轉變為… ...and it will turn Wadiya into a
民主國家 democracy.
不！民主國家？休想！ No! Democracy? Never!
休想！ Never!
瓦迪亞人民喜歡被迫害！ The Wadiyan people love being oppressed!
獨裁政權永存！ Dictatorship forever!
來！跟我走！ Come on! Come with me!
快點！ Hurry!
你好，人…人… Hello, person. Person.
黑人… Black person.
你找到的替身幾乎跟本尊一樣笨 The double that you found is good. He is almost as dumb as the real guy.
瓦迪亞要成為民主國家了 So, Wadiya will become a democracy.
我們中國也是民主國家 China is a democracy, too.
一旦憲法簽訂 Once that constitution is signed,
我就能賣瓦迪亞的石油權 I will be able to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom,
俄國天然氣，你會得到南部油田 you will have control of Wadiya's southern oil fields.
英國石油，你就控制北部 B. P., you will control the north.
艾克索，你會有近海鑽探權 Exxon, you will have all offshore rights,
只要你不用英國石油的鑽探器 provided you do not use B. P.'s drilling rigs.
劉先生，中國石油就拿油頁岩保留地 And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will have the lease on our shale reserves.
有些保留地都在人口密集的地區 Some of those reserves are in densely populated areas.
那就趕走他們啊 Then unpopulate them.
當然你要先付我百分之三十的仲介費 After you've paid me my 30% finder's fee, of course.
那失陪了 Gentlemen.
那你會變成億萬富翁 So, you're going to make billions.
你打算怎麼花那一大筆錢？ What will you do with all those dollars?
買科莫湖的房子，當喬治克隆尼的鄰居 I will buy the house on Lake Como next to George Clooney's.
我喜歡喬治克隆尼 I love George Clooney!
他是老派的電影明星 He's an old-fashioned movie star.
他是同志吧？他會幫我吹喇叭嗎？ He gay? He suck my dick?
不，那些只是八卦，你是同性戀嗎？ No, those are just rumors. Are you a homosexual?
不，對我來說是追求權力的快感 No, no, no, it's more of a power trip with me.
每個人都有價碼 Everybody has a price.
才20萬美金 Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my fingers for two hundred grand!
就能把玩湯米李瓊斯的雞雞
我的天啊，剛才好瘋狂 Oh, my gosh, that was so crazy!
我很榮幸能幫你 I am so honored to be able to help you.
終於有人認出我了 Finally, somebody who knows who I am.
當然！你是瓦迪亞的異議人士… Yeah, of course! You're the Wadiyan dissident who was standing up to that asshole Aladeen.
冒死挺身對抗那個混蛋阿喇釘
你好勇敢 It was so brave of you.
我叫做柔伊 - My name is Zoey. - I don't care.
幹我屁事
你呢？ What's yours?
我的名字是阿喇…森 My name is Ala... son.
艾莉森？ - Allison? - Right. Allison.
對，艾莉森
你姓什麼？ What's your last name?
“哈費茲漢堡”
漢堡 Burgers.
幸會了，艾莉森漢堡 Nice to meet you, Allison Burgers.
- You know, I... - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
艾莉森，可以不要抓著我胸部嗎？ Allison, could you please take your hands off my breasts?
那是胸部？我以為你是男的 Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy.
妳要帶我去哪裡？ - Where are you taking me to? - To Brooklyn!
布魯克林！
這就是我的店“愛地球聯盟” So, yeah, this is my store! This is the Free Earth Collective.
這是我們素食女權主義者所開的… We are a vegan, feminist, non-profit cooperative operating
非營利、合作管理…
反種族歧視、反壓迫、性向不拘的店 within an anti-racist, anti-oppressive framework for people of all or no genders.
我們是正港的民主主義 We are a pure democracy,
瓦迪亞很快也會是 just like Wadiya's going to be soon!
給我衣服，小矮人 Get me clothes, little man.
蕾絲邊洗手間的賑災救濟箱裡有衣服 Oh, you know what, there's some in the Earthquake Relief box in the lesbian bathroom, right there. Right.
艾莉森，我們是獨一無二的 So, Allison, we're the only store in New York,
不像那專賣貴國特產“馬瓜”的… other than that fascist superchain Green World,
法西斯連鎖店“綠色世界” that sells your nation's specialty fruit, mafroom,
我知道你們人民常吃 which I know you people eat a lot of.
希望聽起來不像文化成見 Oh, I hope that didn't come off like a cultural stereotype.
我可是死硬派的反種族主義者 Because I'm, like, the furthest thing from a racist.
我大概從高中開始就沒交過白人男友 I pretty much haven't had a white boyfriend since high school.
當然，越黑的種族就越不挑剔 Well, the darker races are less choosy.
你這樣有點傷人 Okay, that came off as kind of offensive.
謝謝 Thank you.
反正我給你導覽一下 Anyway, let me give you the grand tour.
屋頂有很漂亮的有機花園 Up on the roof, we have this amazing organic garden...
無聊！妳們有賣突擊步槍嗎？ Boring! Do you sell any assault rifles?
等等，我了啦，幽默感對吧？ Oh, wait. I got it. Humor. Right?
我參加過女性主義小丑工作坊 I took a feminist clown workshop once.
救命！我被困在玻璃天花板下 Help! Help! I'm trapped under a glass ceiling!
搞什麼鬼 What the fuck?
我不是什麼好學生，可是… I wasn't the best student, but...
對了，地下室還有健康中心 We've got this wellness center downstairs in the basement,
那裡可以做水中分娩，你見過水中分娩嗎？ where we do water birth. Have you ever seen a water birth?
水中分娩沒見過，但我見過水中淹死人 Not a water birth, but I've seen a water death.
那…他會劇烈掙扎嗎？ Wow. Was it moving?
實際上基本沒怎麼動 There was actually very little movement.
稍微扭幾下，吐兩個泡泡，然後哺嚕一聲 A little wriggling, then two bubbles, and then a big bloop
錢包就浮出來了 and the wallet floats up.
妳好像不是文盲 You seem educated.
對，我上安默斯特學院 Yes. I went to Amherst.
我喜歡女人上學 I love it when women go to school.
就像看猴子溜直排輪 It's like seeing a monkey on rollerskates.
完全是浪費時間，但能逗我們開心 It means nothing to them, but it's so adorable for us.
好吧，艾莉森，如果你有意願 Okay. Well, hey, Allison, you know, we'd love to have you work here if you ever wanted to.
我們歡迎你在這裡工作
我們的所有員工都是政治難民 All of our employees are political refugees, just like you!
跟你一樣
這位是漢納，來自薩爾瓦多 There's Hannah over here. She's from El Salvador. She's a really useful member of our team.
她對我們團隊貢獻良多
貢獻什麼？人形衣架嗎？ Useful as what? A coat hanger?
笑一個嘛 - Come on. - Allison, that's not funny.
這個不好笑
好，回去工作，虎克船長！ Okay. I tell you what, get back to work, Captain Hook!
“虎克船長”真好笑 - "Captain Hook." It's funny. - No, it's not funny.
不，才不好笑
那是誰？ Who's that?
喬特夫，來自對金錢沒概念的蘇丹部落 Oh, this is Joteph. He's from a Sudanese tribe that has no concept of money.
他整個村落被洗劫 His entire village was ransacked.
嗨，南撒哈拉人 Hey, Sub-Saharan!
5點前能替我找100名童兵來嗎？ Do you think you could get me 100 child soldiers here by 5:00 p. M?
不行！ No!
暫停，暫停 Okay. Time out! Time out.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
刮個腋毛吧！ Shave your under-the-arms!
恐怕妳下面也是一片叢林 I dread to think what kind of jungle you have on your malawach!
這樣說很不禮貌 That is very inappropriate.
別糾正我說什麼，小男孩 Don't tell me what to say and what not to say, little boy.
把手指拿開 You need to put that finger away.
才不要，瞧我現在用兩根手指了 I won't put my finger away because... Look, I've got two fingers now. Okay.
如果你再毒舌，你就不能在這裡工作 If you do not stop using hateful language, you cannot work here.
好，我答應 All right. I promise.
Okay.
我耍妳的，女金鋼狼 I tricked you, Wolverina.
小賈斯汀的胖替身！ Justin Bieber's chubby double!
“毛”利波特！ Hairy Potter!
“倉庫大火發現焦屍”
再見，老朋友 Good-bye, old friend.
最高領導人什麼時候會復原？ When will the Supreme Leader be better? In time.
遲早會
他在臥房休息，絕對不能被打擾 He's resting in his bedroom and must never, ever be disturbed.
該上床了 Time for bed.
當阿喇釘有好康的，對吧？ Being Aladeen has its perks, does it not?
妳的皮帶掉了 Dropped your belt.
你在幹嘛？ What are you doing?
她想擠我的奶 She tried to milk me!
不是 No.
她們想要愛撫你 They are trying to pleasure you.
讓這些美眉發揮她們的功用吧 Allow the girls to use their many talents.
No!
最高領導人！跟美眉搞！ Supreme Leader! The girls!
美眉，把咪咪給他看 Girls, show him your bosoms.
“蘭卡斯特飯店” Let me in! I have 85 rooms at this hotel!
讓我進去！我訂了85間客房！
我是元帥大將軍阿喇釘！ It's me, Admiral General Aladeen!
我只是少了鬍子！ I lost my beard!
沒有通行證就不准進去 You don't got a pass, you don't get in.
但我住在這裡，我付20美元上網耶 But I'm staying here! I paid twenty dollars for the fucking Internet!
你們暗殺怎麼收費？ How much do you charge for assassinations?
為什麼要這樣對我？ Why is this happening to me?
我只是偷用國家財產 All I ever did was steal my country's wealth
處死違抗我觀點的人而已 and execute anybody who did not agree with me,
雖然很多沒違抗的也處死了 and many who did.
可為什麼是我？ Why me?
為什麼好人總是沒好報呢？為什麼？ Why is it always the good guys? Why?
納達？ Nadal?
“梅西大道站，小瓦迪亞”
歡迎光臨“幹掉阿喇釘”餐廳 Welcome to the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.
等等，你很面熟 Wait. You look very familiar.
我認識你嗎？ Do I know you?
抱歉 Sorry.
抱歉
很抱歉，最高領導人 So sorry, Supreme Leader.
別擔心，一半要怪我 Don't worry. I'm 50% to blame.
不要！不要！ No! No! Supreme Leader!
你認錯人，我得走了 Definitely not. I must be going.
不，請留下 No, no. Stay, please.
如果你恨阿喇釘又喜歡美食 If you hate Aladeen and you like good food,
你就來對地方了，這邊請 this is the place for you. This way. Here we go.
是你的 Enjoy it.
不要！ No! No!
請坐 For you.
請問貴姓大名？ What is your name?
艾莉森漢堡 Allison Burgers.
這是假名，你的真名是什麼？ That's a made-up name. What's your real name?
呂氏 Ladis.
全名是什麼？ Ladis what?
呂氏冊索 Ladis Washerum.
“女士廁所”
你的名字就像那個牌子“女士廁所”？ So your name is like the sign. "Ladies Washroom"? That is a made-up name.
那是假名
你的真名是什麼？ What is your real name?
我很好奇，我們都很好奇 I am interested. We are interested.
元工 Emploice.
全名是什麼？ Emploice what?
元工藥喜守 Emploice... Muswashans.
“員工回去工作前要洗手”
那是假名 That is a made-up name.
Okay.
你的真名是什麼？ What is your real name?
總溶亮 Max.
全名是什麼？ Max what?
總溶亮部德抄果120仁 Imumoccupancyu One-hundred-and-twenty.
“總容量不得超過120人”
名字裡有數字？ There's a number in the name?
你是誰？阿喇釘的粉絲？ Who are you? An Aladeen sympathizer?
不是…！ No, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. No, no, no!
認錯人了！ No!
是阿喇釘！沒鬍子的阿喇釘！ It's Aladeen! It's Aladeen without the beard!
我不是阿喇釘！ No! It's not Aladeen!
哈珊，鎖門！ Hasan, lock the door!
“抱歉，我們阿喇釘了，請進，我們阿喇釘了”
等等，不要！找到你了，表弟！ Wait, wait, wait, no! There you are, cousin!
這是我表弟，看來你們都見過他了 This is my cousin. I see you've all met him.
他很單純又老土，抱歉 He's very simple and backwards. I'm sorry. - Sorry. - It's okay, sit.
別怕，坐下 坐著吃 - Okay. - Sit and eat.
坐下，表弟 Have a seat, cousin.
很抱歉，請見諒，開心玩 Very sorry. My apologies. Enjoy.
你在這裡幹嘛？你的鬍子呢？ What are you doing here? And what has happened to your beard?
我被一個低能兒的替身取代 I've been replaced by this body double who's a total imbecile.
你怎麼還活著？ How are you alive?
我怎麼…？等等，你不知道？ How am I... Wait. You don't know? No.
你處決的每個人都活著 Every single person you had executed is still alive.
我們都住在小瓦迪亞這裡 We all live here in Little Wadiya.
劊子手是反抗組織成員 The executioner, he is a member of the Resistance!
你是說我從來沒處死過人？ You mean I never executed anybody? No.
對，說實話，一個都沒有 Like, honestly, zero people.
納達，你必須幫我重攬大權 Nadal, you must help me get back into power.
才不要，我何必呢 What? No. Why would I do that?
我在這裡有好工作，我是蘋果天才 I have a perfectly good job here. I'm a Mac Genius!
你做什麼工作？ What do you do?
我大多在清筆電裡的精液 Mostly, I clean semen out of laptops.
恭禧，活在美國夢中 Congratulations. Living the American dream.
好吧，我幫你，有個條件 Okay, fine. I will help you. On one condition.
隨你開 Name it.
重新任命我當核子研究長 You reinstate me as Head of Nuclear Research,
讓我完成我的炸彈 so I can finish building my bomb.
成交 Deal.
還有一件事 One last thing.
你要讓我建造圓頭的核彈 You will let me build a round nuclear weapon.
免談，一定要尖頭 Never. It must be pointy.
等一下，這… - Wait a minute. This is... - Whoa.
- 那好吧，我妥協，圓錐形 - 圓形 Okay, compromise. Conical.
- 奶頭形 - 圓形 - Round. Round. - Teat-shaped.
那好吧 Okay.
- 好，成交 - 成交 - Okay. Deal. - Deal.
“國連幫忙撰寫新憲法” 各位媒體先生小姐們 Ladies and gentlemen of the press,
最高領導人不方便回答你們的問題 our Supreme Leader is indisposed to answer your questions
因為他正在起草瓦迪亞的新憲法 as he is currently drafting Wadiya's new constitution,
預計三天後 which is scheduled to be signed
會在蘭卡斯特閣樓大廳簽署 at the Lancaster Penthouse Ballroom in three days.
謝謝，現在不做任何回應 Thank you. No further questions.
沒有通行證就絕對進不了飯店 There is no way we're going to get anywhere near this hotel without a security pass. This is ridiculous.
這是不可能的
等等 - Wait. - What are you doing?
你在幹嘛？
我在躲那蕾絲邊哈比人 Hiding from that lesbian hobbit.
你認識那個女人？ That woman, you know her?
這次能簽約真是莫大榮幸 I cannot begin to tell you what an honor it is to be able to provide all of the catering... Well, of course.
在簽署會上提供酒席和馬瓜… ...and the mafroom for this signing.
這個月的房租沒問題了！ You just paid this month's rent!
她還想僱用我 She offered me a job.
你能想像嗎？要我工作？ Can you imagine that? Me? Working?
通行證別掉了 Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only thing that'll get you past security.
這是進飯店的唯一方法 Okay, thanks.
等一下 Wait a minute.
她的公司承辦這場大會的酒席 Wait, her company is catering the event. She has a security pass!
她有通行證
這就是答案，計劃如下 That is the answer. This is the plan.
你要接受工作替她做事 Okay? You will take that job and you will work for her.
我會替你弄到同款的鬍子和服裝 I will get you an identical beard and costume.
在大會當天 And then on the day of the event,
你以她員工的身分進入蘭卡斯特 you enter the Lancaster as a member of her staff.
找到替身，跟他交換 You will find the double, switch with him,
然後在全世介面前撕掉憲法 then rip up the constitution in front of the whole world.
我？替那個小奶腋毛妞做事？ Me? Work for that hairy titted yeti?
金柏莉？ Kimberly?
柔伊 Zoey.
不重要 Who cares?
我來道歉 I've come here to apologize
因為我很毒舌批評了… about some of the comments I may have made about
虎克船長和黑鬼 Captain Hook and Blackie.
太好了 Great!
還有我接受妳的總經理職缺 And I accept your job offer as general manager.
沒人請你當經理，因為我才是 Well, you can't be the manager, because I am the manager.
殺了妳我就能當了 Well, I can if I killed you.
我想我開始搞懂你了 I think I'm starting to get you.
好吧，我也會搞懂妳 All right, then... I will get you.
太好了，快讓你上工吧 Great! Let's get you to work!
等一下 Yeah? Hold on one second.
老兄！喂！髮網男！ Hey, my man! Excuse me. Hairnet!
Yeah.
我需要一些藜麥沙拉 I need a little of the quinoa salad, please,
在上面多灑一點小紅莓 and throw a couple of extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,
給我快點，大廚，動作快 and I kind of need you to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop.
下一位！ Next!
唷…有人啦！ Whoa, whoa! Occupied!
我要打掃 Out. I have to clean. Come on, out you go, out you go.
幹嘛？你弄痛我了！
出去 - What? You're hurting me! - Out. Come on.
艾莉森，可以幫我倒垃圾嗎？謝了 Hey, Allison, can you take out the garbage? Thanks.
瞧！有客人留下小費 Look! One of the customers left a tip of
是除毛器和女用剃刀耶 some Nair and some female razors. Does anybody want to use it?
有人要用嗎？
別那樣 Stop that.
給我閉嘴，遜咖 Suck it, loser.
第四走道需要整理！ Clean-up on aisle four!
老弟，我看到了 Hey, buddy, I saw that.
這樣對老闆很不尊重 That is very disrespectful to your leader.
管它的，難不成你是賓拉登的麻吉？ Whatever, dude. Who are you, Osama bin Laden's best friend?
不，他不是我的麻吉 No, he is not my best friend!
但去年他的替身被殺後 Though he has been staying in my guest house
他就一直借住我的客房 ever since they shot his double last year.
現在他賴著不走了 Now the guy won't leave.
我知道為何他是全世界的頭號公敵 I know why this guy's the most hated man in the world.
跟著他進浴室就會了 You just have to go to the bathroom after him. You go to the bathroom after Osama,
跟著賓拉登進浴室
你就會瞭解恐怖主義的真諦了 you will realize the true meaning of terrorism.
“找到勘察飯店的方法了”
“紐約市直升機觀光團”
這是我們的計劃 Here is the plan.
我們參加直升機導覽 We're going to take this helicopter tour
飛在飯店上方找出它的弱點 and fly over the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses.
記住，我們只是兩個普通的觀光客… Remember, we're just two ordinary American tourists
…來欣賞風景 looking at the sights.
沒人會起疑，這是完美的計劃 Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect anything. It's a great plan, pointy.
別做任何會引起懷疑的事 Don't do anything to arouse any suspicions.
別擔心，我是瓦迪亞的戲劇一哥 Don't worry. I am Wadiya's number one actor.
不是誰都能贏四屆瓦迪亞金球獎 You don't win four Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
才怪，是你頒給自己 Yes, you do, because you gave them to yourself!
我在“阿喇釘魔宮傳奇”裡演得很傳神 My performance in Aladeen Jones and the Temple ofDoom
不敢苟同 was outstanding. I give it thumbs down.
你有看“炸彈情書”嗎？ Have you seen You've Got Mail Bomb?
我全看過！都是大爛片！ Yes, I've seen them all! They're all terrible movies!
聽我說，你是爛演員 Listen to me. Okay?
我建議你，表演要內斂又真實 You are a terrible actor.
好，能替我弄個披風嗎？ I urge you, right now, keep your performance small and real. All right, can you get me a cloak?
為什麼？ Why?
我想我的角色會穿披風 Because I think my guy would be wearing a cloak.
不，你的角色要穿美國國旗運動服 No, your guy wears an American flag sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.
還戴著警長徽章
我需要這個警徽 I need the sheriff's badge.
為什麼？你是美國鳥地方的警長！ For what? You're sheriff of American douche-town!
沒禮貌 That's rude.
聽著，我們走過去 Listen. We're going to walk over there, act very inconspicuous.
行動要很低調
- 好 - 很好 - Okay. No problem. - This has to work.
別擔心，放輕鬆 Don't worry. Just relax.
你沒事吧？ Are you okay?
我演的是個瘸子 My guy has a limp.
在“公牛與灌木”酒吧摔下了馬 I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub
是個倫敦佬 because I am a cockney.
聽著！聽著，好嗎？ Listen! Listen, okay?
你現在要集中精力，做好準備 You need to focus up right now and be prepared
來一場小型精湛的表演 to deliver a small, subtle performance.
- 行啊，很棒 - 很好 - Okay, great, okay. - Okay, good.
當我們起飛… Okay. So, when we go to fly...
眼睛別弄成那樣！你又不是中國人！ Don't do that with your eyes!
我在扮華裔美國人！ You can't be a Chinese person on this thing, okay? I'm not chink, I'm Chinese-American!
沒人會相信你是華裔美國人 No, but you cannot hold your eyes! Nobody is going to think you're Chinese-American
你拉成鳳眼是種族歧視！ because you hold your eyes like that! It's racist, what you are doing!
事實上他們不會卷舌音 Do you know it's a fact that they cannot pronounce their R's?
知道中國人怎麼念“兔子”嗎？ They pronounce them as L's. So instead you know what "rabbit" is in Chinese?
我不會說中文 I don't know how to speak Chinese.
是“賴皮” - It's "labbit." - It's not "labbit"!
才不是
“誰陷害了賴皮崽子”在中國是流行語 Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit was a huge hit in China!
我不管，這太蠢了 Nobody... It's stup... All right, I don't care. This is stupid, okay?
好，我扮菲律賓人好了 Okay, I'll do Filipino. I like to work, I like to talk.
我喜歡工作，我喜歡說話… - Don't. - I like the shit, I do the kids.
別說了 Stop that.
你的菲律賓口音跟中國口音沒兩樣 Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese!
現在是誰種族歧視了？ Now who's being a lacist?
- 是你種族歧視 - 我沒有種族歧視！ - You're being lacist now. - I'm not being racist!
現在我們得上直升飛機 Right now we have to get on this helicopter
我們必須得像真正的美國人 and we have to act like true Americans.
我猜你不會想讓我演黑人的 I guess you don't want me to play black then.
我當然不想讓你演黑人 Of course I don't want you to play black.
那就算了 Okay. Just throwing it out there.
好了，別鬧了 Okay. Don't.
不許鬧了 Okay, don't do that.
- 我看著你呢 - 他們就是這麼走的 - I see what you're doing. - That's how they walk.
我看著呢，難看死了 I see what you're doing, it's not cool.
他們就是這麼走的 It's how they walk.
我喜歡當美國人！ I love being an Americans!
叫美國第一名！ America is number one!
我來自美國 Oh, I am from U.S.A.!
我老爸也來自美國 My father also from U.S.A.
我曾祖父打過神聖的美國內戰 My great-grandfather fought in the American Civil Jihad.
我很自豪當美國人 I am very proud to be an American.
我是美國第一大爛人 I am America's number one douche.
他們已經被我騙了 I've fooled them. Job done.
王宮那裡的情形怎樣？ So, how are things back at the Palace?
很好，但猜誰還賴在我的客房？ Fine, but guess who's still living in my guest house?
賓拉登？ Ooh, Bin Laden?
對，賓拉登 Yes, Osama.
賓拉登每次淋浴都搞得浴室淹水 Bin Laden flooding the bathroom every time he showers...
放個踏墊有這麼難嗎？賓拉登！ And how hard is it to put a bath mat down, Bin Laden?
記得我最愛的跑車嗎？ Hey, do you remember my favorite sports car?
你是說你的保時捷？ You mean your Porsche?
對，911 Yes... the 911.
911啊，那最讚了！ 911, it's the best!
有一天我在王宮附近開著我的911 So I was driving my 911 near the palace one day...
車子撞個稀爛！ and I totally crashed!
沒關係，我已經訂了一輛新的 It's ok, I've already ordered a new one.
全新2012年911 A brand new 9112012.
既然都來了，你應該參觀一些景點 You know, while you are here, you should try to see some of the sights...
像帝國大廈… such as the Empire State Building...
還有洋基球場 and Yankee Stadium.
我超想看自由女神那裡的煙火秀 And I'd love to see the fireworks over the Statue of Liberty.
你的背痛老毛病有改善嗎？ Hey, have your old back problems been bothering you?
沒有！痛到我去訂做一個腰背護具 Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that I made myself a back brace.
真的？ - Really? - Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.
對，看我還穿著
我的英文也越來越進步 Hey, my English is getting good...
我打賭我從5倒數比你快！ ...I bet I can count down from five faster than you can!
5、4、3、2、1！ Five, four, three, two, one!
艾莉森，你沒事吧？ Allison! Are you okay?
我沒事 I... Yes.
知道嗎？你們警察讓我覺得噁心！ You know what? You people, you make me sick!
你們看到中東人坐飛機 You see a Middle Easterner on an aircraft
就認定他心懷不軌？ and you just assume that he's hatching some violent plot?
艾莉森漢堡是受迫害的異議人士 Allison Burgers is a persecuted dissident, not a murderous madman!
不是殺人狂！
據報他說“挾持蘭卡斯特的警衛” He was reported saying, "Let's take out the guards at the Lancaster."
猜怎麼著？我們在蘭卡斯特辦酒席 Guess what? We deliver to the Lancaster! Good one!
說的好！
或許他想帶警衛去吃中東三明治 Maybe he wanted to take the guards out for a falafel!
那是刻板印象，但是說的好！ That's a bit of a stereotype, but I get the idea. Great idea! Yeah. You...
學著點！
盡忠職守是犯罪嗎？ You know what? Is it a crime to care about your job?
對！在瓦迪亞就是 Yeah! Well, it is in Wadiya.
你在哪裡接受多元文化訓練的？ Where did you get your diversity and sensitivity training, huh?
德國安全部？ The Stasi?
瞧瞧你們對種族偏見的看法，當白人… Let's see how you feel about racial profiling when white people...
我了我在說什麼 And I know what I'm talking about
我可是主修女性文學！ because I majored in Fem Lit!
我們走 Come on.
別走！你要去哪裡？ Hey! What are you doing? Where are you going?
替最大條的吹喇叭，你就沒事了 Don't worry! Just suck the fatoot of the biggest guy, you'll be fine.
你想搞死我啊！ You're really fucking me here, man!
警察真的很法西斯 The police here are such fascists!
對，學壞的法西斯 Yeah, right, and not in a good way.
快把我氣死了 It just makes me so mad! You know, Zoey, you were great back there.
柔伊，妳剛才棒呆了
謝了，我只是… Thanks. I just...
我只是很心疼你在世界各地 I don't know, I just feel so sorry that wherever you go in the world,
都淪落為警察霸凌的受害者 you're the victim of police abuse.
也不總是我受傷 Well, not always the victim.
過來，我好心疼，你沒事了 Come here. I'm just so sorry! You're okay now.
好嗎？ All right?
我不會再讓你遭遇壞事 And I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you.
我們回去店裡，走吧 You know what? Let's get you back to the collective, okay? Come on.
等等，我還要 No, a bit more.
Okay.
走吧，我得工作 - Come on, let's go. I need to go to work. - I feel so sad!
我好難過！
再來一次愛的抱抱 Let's do another hug, okay?
艾莉森，你為什麼難過？ Allison, why are you sad?
被虐待？ The brutality?
你有被性侵嗎？ Did you suffer from sexual abuse?
有，他們以不專業的方式強暴我 Yes, they raped me in a very unprofessional way.
你必須去強暴中心 Oh, no. We have to get you to the Rape Center.
你們有強暴中心？ You have a center for rape here?
好耶！我想去！或許改天 Great! I'd love to go! Maybe another time, you know.
租台禮車，喝雞尾酒 Hire a limo, have some cocktails, bring my raping shoes.
穿我的強暴專用鞋
“蘭卡斯特”
你能給我弄到那隻羊嗎？ Can you get me that one?
哪隻？ Which one?
蹄子超性感的那隻 The one with the "fuck-me hooves."
你個怪胎，得幫你轉個台 You're bizzare. I'm going to have to change the channels now.
…今天，對來自俄亥俄州的一對夫婦而言 ...tour from hell for an Ohio couple earlier today when,
這如同一場地獄之旅 ...with shades of 9l11,
他們的曼哈頓導覽被迫中斷… their helicopter tour of the Manhattan skyline was cut short by what police are now calling a "terrorism misunderstanding"
警察宣稱是“誤解的恐怖攻擊”
當事人叫做“錦及初口” involving a man named Emer Gencyexitonly.
埃特拉 Etra.
我們有麻煩了 We have a problem.
漢納，蘭卡斯特的人明天要來 Hannah, that guy from the Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning,
把馬瓜拿下樓，擺盤要漂亮 so why don't you take the mafroom downstairs and make some sort of a nice display?
我要一切都很完美 I just want everything to be perfect.
柔伊？ Zoey?
艾莉森，嗨 Allison. Hi.
為了答謝妳今天在警局拔刀相助 To thank you for what you did today at the police station,
我決定送妳一份禮物 I have decided to bestow upon you a gift.
好貼心，是什麼呢？ - That's sweet. What is it? - Yeah.
我不知道…你指什麼 I don't know what that is.
沒關係，請盡情享用我的“小老鼠” It's fine. Please, gobble up my little mouse.
品嘗我的“葡萄幹”吧 Snack on my tiny raisin.
用嘴巴給它洗個澡，來吧 Give her a mouth bath. Go.
噢！不要！ Oh! No!
不要，我才不要 No, I am not going to do that.
妳一直這樣，其實應該這樣 I'm getting a lot of this and not much of this...
聽著，我瞭解你有生理需要 Listen, I understand that you're having urges, okay? Right.
但你需要自己解決 But you need to take care of them by yourself.
自己？什麼？怎麼做？ Myself? What? How?
你需要摸自己 You need to touch yourself.
我才不摸自己，妳會摸自己嗎？ I don't touch myself. Do you touch yourself?
大部份健康的人都會 I think most healthy people do, yes.
妳會摸自己的那裡？好惡！ Yeah, you touch your own malawach? Disgusting! Yuck! Yuck!
別耍冷了，你沒打過手槍？ Stop joking, all right? You've never jerked off?
跟我來 Okay, come with me.
我們要去哪裡？去強暴中心？ Where are you taking me to? The Rape Center?
這太蠢了 This is silly.
好，那麼… Okay...
掏出你的小弟弟，放在手心 Take your penis out and put it in your hands.
這太蠢了 This is silly.
現在，慢慢上下移動你的手 Now, slowly move your hand up and down. Okay.
我早告訴妳了，這實在… I told you already, this is...
等等 Wait.
這是什麼魔法？ What sorcery is this? Some people wait a lifetime
有些人等候一生，就為了… 這一刻 For a moment like this
有些人等候一生 Some people wait a lifetime
就為了這一刻 For a moment like this
我不敢相信遇到這種好事 Whoa, I can't believe it's happening to me
有些人等候一生 Some people wait a lifetime
就為了這一刻 For a moment like this
我不敢相信遇到這種好事 I can't believe it's happening to me
我成功了！我剛才射精了！ I did it! I just jerked it completely off!
我靠自己成功了！就用這隻手！ I did it all by myself! With this hand right here!
我像是勒小鳥一樣抓緊我的雞雞 I grabbed my bilbul like I was strangling a bird.
甩啊甩啊，然後就噴出來了！ And I smacked it and I smacked it and I gave it a flick, and out came my own labeneh!
柔伊？ Zoey?
柔伊，妳改變了我的人生 Zoey! You have changed my life!
打人一炮，爽個一天 Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day.
教人自摸… Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina,
一生受用不盡 and he will shpichs for a lifetime.
哦，不用，謝謝 Oh. No, no. Thank you.
艾莉森，你得小點聲… Allison, you may need to keep your voice down because...
這有很多顧客，你也得去洗洗 We've got a lot of customers. You may want to go wash up.
好吧 Fine.
喬特夫，沖沖我的卡駱馳涼鞋 Joteph, go and hose down my Crocs.
健康中心滿地都是我的“蛋清” I've done my labeneh all over the wellness center.
好的 Okay.
蘭卡斯特的人會喜歡的 The guy from the Lancaster is going to love this.
好了 Okay.
晚安，艾莉森 Good night, Allison.
明早再見 I'll see you tomorrow morning.
晚安！再次感謝 Good night! Thank you again.
美妙，真舒服 This is nice. Or lovely.
- 誰？ - 納達 - Who is it? - Nadal.
你在幹什麼？ What are you doing?
我發現了一件奇妙的事 I've discovered this amazing thing.
我得告訴你怎麼做 I have to show you how to do it.
這叫做“自製飲料” It's called self juicing.
只要把手放在雞雞上，上下磨擦 You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it,
就能自己弄出蛋清 and then you can make your own labeneh come out.
再也不用花費勞力士錶 You don't have to spend any Rolexes.
或是劣質鑽石來僱人伺候我了 You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.
我無法想像我正和一個成年人說這事 I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with an adult man.
什麼意思？你知道？ What do you mean? You knew about this?
是人都知道！ Everybody knows about this.
十二、三歲的時候就知道了！ We all know about this from the age of 12, 13.
那怎麼沒人告訴我呢？ Why does nobody ever tell me anything?
因為你把每個告訴你什麼的人都處死了 Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.
聽著，我正考慮把我的真實身份 Listen, I'm thinking of revealing my true identity
透漏給那個毛奶頭的猿猴女 to the hairy titted ape woman.
不要！你為什麼要那麼做？ Whoa! No, what? Why would you even do that?
我想她不會介意的 I think she'll be cool with it.
她會介意的 She will not be cool with it.
她憑什麼介意？她一年才刮一次腋毛 How is she tojudge? She shaves her armpits once a year,
還和其他種族的人談戀愛 and she takes lovers outside of her ethnic group.
難道我的罪行比她還嚴重？ Are my crimes any worse than hers?
記住，你討厭她 Remember, you hate her.
也討厭她支持的東西 And everything she stands for.
- 好吧 - 我得掛了 - Okay. - I have to go now.
我真看不上你 I despise you.
有時候你說話真挺傷人的 You know, sometimes you say some very hurtful things.
算了，我掛電話了 Anyway, I'm going to hang up on you.
別啊，我就這麼一次機會 No, come on. This is like a real opportunity for me.
我想先掛 I want to hang up first.
我掛了，我已經掛電話了 I've hung up. I hung up already.
那是你裝出來的聲音，你還沒掛呢 That is your voice doing that noise. You have not hung up.
我掛了，嘟… I am hanging up. Click...
納達，你還在嗎？ Nadal, are you still there?
- 納達，你還在嗎？ - 我贏了 - Nadal, are you still there? - I win.
難怪你是電腦天才 No wonder you're a Mac Genius.
真他媽白痴 What a fucking idiot.
柔伊！ Zoey!
柔伊 Zoey.
柔伊？ Zoey?
埃特拉 Etra.
埃特拉… Etra...
埃特拉，是因為侍衛中只有你還是處女... Etra, is this because you're the only virgin guard
...才這麼生氣嗎？ that I left a virgin?
一、二… One, two...
哺嚕 Bloop.
記事本 Text book.
非常感謝您這麼早就來見我，奧格登先生 Thank you so much for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden.
我都等不及讓您嘗嘗我們的馬福果了 I cannot wait for you to sample our mafroom.
讓您仿佛置身瓦迪亞 You are gonna swear that you're in Wadiya.
打擾一下，那是什麼？ Excuse me. What is that over there?
櫥窗上有個“C” That is a "C" in your window.
沒什麼…他們對我們有偏見，故意整我們 No, no, no... They're totally biased against this. They hate us.
不是吧，我知道“C”是什麼意思 No, it's not. I know what a "C" means.
不是很好… It's not a very good...
哦，我的天哪！ Oh, my God!
艾莉森，怎麼了？ Allison, what happened?
不知道，我… I don't know, I...
我一直在樓下“自製飲料” I was downstairs self juicing.
一整晚？ All night?
是啊 Yes.
你說你在幹什麼？ I'm sorry, you were doing what?
打手槍 Doing the jerk off.
完全釋放自我 Jerking myself to totally off.
- 什麼？ - 我給你表演一下 - I'm sorry? - Let me show you.
- 不要 - 是她教我的 - No. - She taught me.
她教你的？ Oh, she taught you, did she?
- 不是… - 非常感謝 - No... - Well, thank you very much.
合約取消 The contract is canceled.
- 就這樣！ - 不要 - That's it! - No.
我這就去“綠色世界”了，結束了 No, I'm going to Green World. It's over.
- 不，奧格登先生 - 我必須負責… - No, Mr. Ogden. - Remember, I have to pay that...
- 求你了，別走 - 自製飲料，惡心死了！ - Please, no, no. - Self juicing. Filth!
Oh, my God...
柔伊… Zoey...
我們必須把合約拿回來 We must get that contract back.
沒辦法了！ We can't!
不可能，我們爭不過“綠色世界”的 It's impossible. We can't compete with Green World.
交給我吧 We will see about that.
但從現在起，要照我的方法 But from now on, it is my way
否則就＃^＠％$＊)＠($- ∼＃！ or the highwahahtmaa- fferrohshelechnichway.
政權交替了！ There has been a regime change!
聽好！你負責補架上存貨 Yo! You are stocking the shelves.
你…羅馬尼亞老會計 You, senile Romanian accountant.
你負責收銀 You are on the cash register.
“綠色世界”的執行長不開環保車！ The CEO of Green World does not drive a hybrid!
“綠色世界”的化學製品… The chemicals in Green World produce
害這小男生長咪咪！ made this boy grow tits!
“警告-扒手依法起訴”
“扒手將處以酷刑”
你保證不再偷東西？ You promise not to steal again?
不敢了！不敢了！ I won't. I won't!
太好玩了，再電他一次 Give him one more for fun, Viktor.
“扒手會遭劫持”
“男性家屬會被強暴”
“次等商家”
“優良商家”
很識相 Good choice.
嗨，維特 Hi, Viktor.
最高雜貨員 Supreme Grocer.
菊苣洗過和挑過了，水管也捆緊了 The radicchio has been washed and sorted, and the spray hose has been tightly coiled.
很好，現在上樓完成麥草渣的堆肥 Very good. Now go upstairs and finish composting the wheatgrass tailings, okay?
遵命，最高雜貨員 Yes, Supreme Grocer.
柔伊！ Zoey!
What? Look...
天啊！ Wow!
太棒了！ It's amazing!
過獎了，沒啥大不了 Oh, it's not amazing. It's just a little less shit.
謝啦 Well, thank you.
歹勢 - Sorry. - Oh, of course.
你接吧
是私事 - Personal. - Thank you. Thank you again.
謝謝，感激不盡
我有天大好消息 - Hello? - I have some very good news. What is it?
我在假髮店買到理想鬍子了 I managed to buy some beards at the wig store today that are perfect.
不，納達，一定要真的鬍子 No, Nadal, it must be real hair.
還要從偉人的頭上剪走 - And from the head of a great man! - What?
比如卡斯楚或甘道夫 Like Castro or Gandalf. No...
“毒梟山姆道格拉斯，享壽92歲”
“哈林教父”
幹得好，納達，這款鬍子太完美了 Well done, Nadal. This beard is perfect.
“霍金殯儀館禮拜堂”
那些花好漂亮 Those are lovely flowers.
柔伊考慮在店裡增設環保花卉區 You know, Zoey is thinking of opening an eco-friendly flower section to the store.
你今天提到她五次了，怎麼回事？ This is the fifth time you've mentioned her today. What is going on?
簽署會剩兩天，別說你愛上這女人 The signing is in two days. Tell me you're not falling for this woman!
當然沒有，太蠢了 Of course I'm not. This is silly.
很好，我們只要溜進禮拜堂… Okay, good. All we need to do is slip into this chapel...
好，但很奇怪 And yet, it's strange.
前幾天她拒絕替我吹喇叭 The other day, I asked her to, you know, gobble on my bilbul and she said, "No."
不用說，我想處死她 So obviously I wanted to execute her.
但想到她會斷頭我就心煩意亂 But the thought of her decapitated head actually upset me,
所以我決定不要 - so I decided not to do it. - No.
當你想到某人斷頭會心煩意亂 When the thought of someone's decapitated head upsets you,
那就是愛 that is love.
我發誓，我一點也不喜歡她 - I swear, I don't even like her at all. - You don't like her?
你確定？
她的身材像是國中男生 She has the body shape of a 14-year-old boy.
那正是你的死穴，要我提醒你… Well, that is a particular weakness of yours.
棒棒糖事件嗎？ Need I remind you of the Menudo incident?
他們張大眼睛，知道自己在幹嘛 Those boys had their eyes open. They knew exactly what they were doing.
是我們逼他們張大眼睛 We made them have their eyes open.
你逼我撐開他們的眼睛 You made me hold one of their eyes open,
讓他們看你雞姦他們 so they'd see what you were doing to them.
他們看起來爽斃了 They seemed to be having a pretty good time.
才怪，那些小鬼全程在哭 They were not. Those boys were crying.
其中三個還自殺了！ Three of them killed themselves!
跟我無關 Nothing to do with me.
全是你的錯！ Everything to do with you! A lot of them wrote notes.
他們的遺書指名說是你！ In their suicide notes they named you by name!
都是謠傳，你太好騙了 It's all a rumor. And you're being silly.
你們好，先生們 Hello, gentlemen. How you doin'?
你們是死者的朋友嗎？ Are you guys friends of the deceased?
怎麼說呢… How do I put this?
他是我家黑鬼 He was my nigger.
不對，不是這麼說的 No, that's not the way to put it.
- 喂，喂！ - 不是嗎？ - Whoa, whoa! - No?
他是我家黑佬、黑鬼、黑驢？ He was my negger. Nigger. Nagger?
- 不不不 - 是什麼？ - No, no, no. - What is that?
- 黑猴、黑鬼？黑猩猩？ - 不，不 - Negar. Nigger? Nagur? - No, no.
別說了 Please stop. Please.
進來之前我就告訴你了 I told you, before we came in.
不要說那個詞，而你現在正在說那個詞 One word, do not say. Is the exact word you're using now.
- 沒有，我說的是黑猴… - 我反覆強調的 - No, I said Nuga... - One dozen times.
請您告訴他，他可能來錯葬禮了 Please relate to him that there could be two funerals today.
我…請相信我 I... Believe me when I tell you,
我們來這裡只是為了 表達對一個偉人的尊敬 we are here only to pay our respects to a great man.
好吧，埃爾德里奇的棺材 現在就在禮拜堂 Okay, Eldridge's casket is laying in the chapel right now.
我們幾分鐘後會去檢查 We're gonna have the viewing in a few minutes.
非常感謝 Thank you very much.
順便提一下，我喜歡你的音樂 I love your music, by the way.
不，他不是音樂人 No, it's not. He's not a musician.
我很遺憾惠妮落得如此下場 I'm so, so sorry that Whitney turned out like she did.
- 他不是巴比布朗 - 嘿… - It's not Bobby Brown. - Hey...
過去那裡 - Go there. - Okay. Here we go.
好，我們上
裡面有人嗎？ Hello? Somebody in here?
納達！南撒哈拉人發現我們了！ Nadal! The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!
- 趕快！ - 好啦！ - What? Okay, okay, okay! - Hurry, hurry!
- 等一下！ - 你們在裡面幹什麼？ - Just a moment! - What you doin' in there?
打手槍 Jerking off.
開門！ Open this door!
快開門！ - No, no, no! - Open the door now!
趕快！B計劃！ Quick! Plan B! Plan B!
你幹嘛砍他的頭？ Why did you chop off his head?
是你說B計劃的！ You said Plan B!
B計劃是去喝咖啡重新布署 Plan B was to have coffee and regroup,
不是砍他的頭！ it was not to chop his head off!
早安，納達 Good morning, Nadal!
醒來！早安，納達！ Wake up! Good morning, Nadal!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
把那玩意拿走！ Get this away from me!
我和你是搭擋 You know, me and you are quite a team.
知道還有誰是絕配搭擋？ No, no. You know who else makes a great team?
烏木和象牙 Ebony and ivory
在完美和諧中共處 No, no, no! Live together in perfect harmony
你發什麼神經？ What is wrong with you? Get it out of here!
這個好笑 Good one.
Splish splash I was taking a bath!
快拿走！ No! Get it out of here!
太詭異了 Oh, that is weird.
我送妳一些角豆粉枸杞，開心享用 I threw in some carob-covered goji berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.
謝謝，真貼心，你真是個好人 Thank you. That's very kind of you. You're a very nice man.
妳他媽的叫我什麼？ What the fuck did you call me?
我說你是好人 I said you were nice!
艾莉森！蘭卡斯特剛才打來！ Allison! The Lancaster just called! We got the contract back!
我們恢復合約了！
太好了！隨便啦！ - Great! Whatever! - I know!
“綠色世界”曼哈頓店要關門大吉了 Green World is shutting down their Manhattan store!
怎麼會呢？ I wonder what could have happened?
“綠色世界”
女兒，小心那個，小心 Be careful with that, sweetheart. Be careful.
我們要做美味大沙拉 Oh, yeah, we're going to have a nice big salad.
慶祝的抱抱？ Celebratory cuddle?
做的好！ Well done!
妳好臭 - You smell bad. - I know.
我知道
救命！ Help!
誰來幫忙！我老婆快生了！ Somebody help! My wife is in labor!
我的天啊 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
救護車還要20分鐘，妳撐得住嗎？ Baby? The ambulance can't be here for 20 minutes. Can you hold it?
不行！要出來了！ I can't hold it! It's coming out!
要出來了！ It's coming out!
誰有醫護經驗嗎？ Does anyone have any medical experience?
我就任瓦迪亞衛生署長22年了 I was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon for the last 22 years.
拜託幫我們，拜託 Please. Please help us. Please.
艾莉森，他們需要你 - Allison, they need your help. Come on. - Okay, fine.
來吧 Come on.
Are you okay?
你在幹嘛？ Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
歹勢，積習難改 Sorry! Old habits die hard.
好，我要進去了 All right, I'm going in.
不是那個洞！ That's the wrong hole!
你的手伸錯洞了 - What? - You just put your fist up the wrong hole.
這句話我聽上千遍了 If I had a dollar for every time I heard that.
拿出來 Get it outta there.
再伸進去 - Going in again. - Okay, good.
那還是我的屁眼！ Still my asshole!
你有毛病嗎？ What is wrong with you, man?
你又伸進我屁眼了！ You just put it in my asshole again!
上面那個洞才對 Just go up from where you are.
好消息是妳的前列腺很健康 The good news is, your prostate is completely healthy.
很好啊 That's good. That's good.
再進去一次 - Going in again. - Okay, good.
等一下 Hold on.
“納達來訊，你在幹嘛？” What are you...
艾莉森，你需要兩隻手接生！ Allison, stop it! You need two hands!
可是我還沒打完簡訊 But I'm in the middle of the text.
要出來了！ It's coming out!
音樂哪裡來的？ - Where is that coming from? - What?
歹勢，我得接電話 I'm really sorry. I'm gonna have to take this call.
我的身體裡有隻電話？ Is there a phone in my body?
你在幹嘛？ What are you doing?
我在林肯隧道 I'm in the Lincoln Tunnel.
什麼？我們需要談一下 What? Okay, look. We need to talk for a minute.
喂，納達，我不方便說話 Hello, Nadal. Listen, I can't speak now.
待會再聊，掰！ I'll speak to you later, okay? Bye!
別再對著我的鮑魚說話！ Stop talking to my vagina!
寶寶卡住了，手伸進去幫我 Zoey, the baby's stuck. I need you to put your hand in and help me.
快點！伸進去！別害怕 - What? No... - Come on! Put it in! - No, don't be scared. Put it in. - Okay. Okay.
抱歉 - I'm sorry. - Put it right there on the right side.
我的天啊，我的天啊 - Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh! - Push in.
推進去
我好像摸到一隻小手 I think I feel an arm!
那是我的手指 That's my finger.
打個岔，你們真的很速配 Excuse me. You guys make a really cute couple together.
但是等手離開我下體後再打啵好嗎！ But maybe could you finish doing this when you're not elbow-deep in my pussy!
好，艾莉森，你找到頭了？ Okay, Allison, you've got the head?
我找到頭了，好，用力！ - I've got the head. - Okay, it's coming out. Come on, push!
反抗軍基地在哪裡…？ Where are the rebel bases? Where are the rebel bases?
歹勢、歹勢 Sorry, sorry.
等等，我看到頭了！我看到頭了！ Wait, I can see the head! I can see the head!
I can't push anymore!
你成功了！你成功了！ You did it! You did it!
我宣判你… I sentence you
免於一死 to life.
臍帶還沒剪！ It's still attached!
歹勢 Sorry. Oh, no.
怎麼了？ - What's wrong? - I'm sorry.
很遺憾
壞消息 It's bad news.
是女生 It's a girl.
垃圾桶在哪裡？ Where's the trash can? No, no, no, no! That's what we wanted!
不、不，我們就想要女生！
我來抱她，我來抱她 We'll take her, we'll take her.
Oh, baby.
你剛才真了不起 You were so amazing down there.
你救了一個小生命 You saved a little person's life.
跟妳打啵感覺真好 It feels so nice to kiss you.
我有同感 I know. It's nice to kiss you, too.
我喜歡抱抱 I love the hugging.
我剛才射了 I just came.
無所謂 I don't care.
躺下 Lie back.
妳一定會神魂顛倒 Okay. This is going to be amazing for you.
好！ Okay!
妳的肚子真平 You have such a small stomach.
就像個10歲男孩 It's like a 10-year-old boy's.
我通常不親10歲男孩的肚子 Normally, I don't kiss a 10-year-old boy's stomach.
都是他們親我 They kiss mine.
15分鐘後見 See you in 15 minutes.
好 Okay.
等等，等等 Wait, wait.
等等 Wait.
艾莉森，在我們更進一步之前 Allison, before we go any further,
我想告訴你一件事 there's something that I want to tell you.
妳有雞雞，我就知道 You've got a dick. I knew it.
艾莉森，我沒有雞雞 Allison, I don't have a dick.
太好了 Great!
我從沒和有雞雞的男人在一起過 And I've never been with a guy with a dick.
沒雞雞的也沒有 Or any guy.
男孩也沒有 Or boys.
只上過女孩 Just girls.
和兒童 And children.
不包括男人，都是女人 Not male ones. Female ones.
我要告訴你的是… What I wanted to tell you was this.
我真的想跟你在一起，艾莉森漢堡 I really want to be with you, Allison Burgers.
柔伊 Zoey,
我其實不叫艾莉森漢堡 I'm not really Allison Burgers.
人家其實叫我… I'm actually a little somebody called
…元帥大將軍… Admiral General
阿喇釘 Aladeen.
不，你的真名是什麼？ No, what's your real name?
這會說服妳 Wait, this will convince you.
是我！ Look, it's me!
武器督察員會浴血而死！ The weapons inspectors will bathe in their own blood!
那是你的鬍子？ That's your beard?
不是，這不是我的鬍子 No, no, no! It's not my beard.
我朋友砍掉摩根費里曼的頭 My friend chopped the head off Morgan Freeman.
那是個很滑稽的故事，等會再告訴妳吧 It's a hilarious story. I'll tell you later, okay?
你瘋了吧，喪心病狂！ You are out of your mind. You're insane!
妳還從網路上非法下載歌曲呢 Well, you download songs illegally from the Internet.
我們不要再互相指責了，好嗎？ So let's not throw stones, okay?
你是殺人犯！ You're a murderer!
不是！柔伊！ No, no, no! Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.
你只是利用我進入那間飯店 You were just using me to get access to that hotel!
不對 No!
柔伊，妳他媽的煞到我了 Zoey, I'm attracted to you in a really fucked-up way.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
我明天要取消那個合約！ I'm canceling that contract tomorrow!
不，柔伊！我做錯什麼？ No, Zoey! What have I ever done wrong?
你騙我！又是戰爭犯罪通緝犯！ You lied to me! And you're wanted for war crimes!
那種罪名只是呼嚨人 That stuff never sticks.
你必須馬上離開 You need to leave now.
妳把我的心撕成了“阿喇釘”碎片 You have broken my heart into Aladeen pieces.
隨著明天的憲法簽署 With the signing of the constitution tomorrow morning,
瓦迪亞的民主即將開始 democracy in Wadiya is just hours away,
人民在街上慶祝 and people are in the streets celebrating.
殺掉阿喇釘，殺掉阿喇釘！ Kill Aladeen, kill Aladeen, hey!
殺掉阿喇釘，殺掉阿喇釘！
“突發新聞，專政結束”
你如何評價阿喇釘元帥大將軍？ What do you think of Admiral General Aladeen?
我們討厭他，我們恨他 We hate him. We hate him.
一想到他，我們就噁… You know, when we think ofhim, we...
我們噁心，唾棄他，不想要他統治 We vomit, and we spit and we don't want him.
如果阿喇釘正在收看這段採訪 你想對他說什麼？ What would you say to General Aladeen ifhe were watching this?
我有句話要對阿喇釘說 I have a message forAladeen.
操你媽 Suevel.
操你媽，操你媽 Suevel. Suevel.
再見！ - Good-bye! - Stop, stop, wait!
別跳！等等！ What are you doing?
你在幹嘛？
你怎麼找到我的？ How did you find me?
你傳了七八條簡訊給我 You texted me, like, seven times.
我要處死自己 I am executing myself!
為什麼？ What? Why?
因為沒人愛過我 Because no one has ever loved me!
令尊會以你為恥 Your father would be ashamed of you!
我發覺我不想變成我老爸！ No, I've realized I don't want to be like my father!
事實上我不想再當獨裁者了！ In fact, I don't want to be a dictator anymore!
什麼？ What's that now?
我經歷了一場心靈之旅 I've been on a spiritual journey, man, like Eat, Pray, Love.
就像“享受吧！一個人的旅行”
你是頭殼壞掉嗎？ Have you gone insane?
我現在明白表面上我是個混蛋 I now know that on the outside, I am a bit of a cocksucker.
但內心深處…我是好人 - Yeah. - But deep down I'm nice.
少來了 - Not really. - Yes, I am! I'm like mafroom.
沒錯，我就像是馬瓜
外表又硬又刺，但內餡又軟又綿 Hard and spiky on the outside, but soft and really mushy on the in.
你根本不像馬瓜，你像洋蔥 You're not like mafroom at all. You're like an onion.
混蛋的外層 An outer layer of cocksucker,
剝開後，裡面還有十層混蛋 and when you peel it away, there is 10 more layers of cocksucker underneath.
你是豬頭！ You are such a schmuck!
你幹嘛說猶太語？ - Why are you speaking Yiddish? - I picked it up.
隨口學到的
啥米？誰會隨口學猶太語？ What do you mean, "I picked it up"? Who picks up Yiddish?
我在紐約耶 I'm in New York!
我們正想消滅那個國家耶！ We're trying to erase that country off the map!
我不喜歡猶太人 I don't like the people, but I like the way that
但猶太話聽起來很對味 their words really sound like what they're meant to be.
歹勢，你是邀請我觀禮你受洗嗎？ Oh, I'm sorry! Did I not get the Evite to your bar mitzvah?
Oh, my God!
你太超過了喔 You've got real chutzpah saying that!
當好人哪裡好了？ Look, where has being a nice guy gotten you, huh?
你想跳橋自殺耶？還穿布希鞋？ Standing on the edge of a bridge about to commit suicide? Still wearing Crocs?
布希鞋有什麼不好？ What's wrong with Crocs?
那是公認沒用的男人才會穿的鞋！ They are the universal symbol of a man who has given up hope!
你不如這輩子都穿運動褲去嗑漢堡！ You might as well put sweatpants on and go to Applebee's for the rest of your life!
我承認我看起來很可笑 I'll give you that one. I do look ridiculous.
對，就算下來不是為了你自己 Yes! Listen, if you won't come down from there for yourself,
好歹為了你的國家 do it for your country.
如果新憲法簽訂… If this constitution is signed,
就會有狗仔隊、女駕駛、民權！ there will be free press, women drivers, civil rights!
什麼是“民權”？ What are "civil rights"?
待會告訴你，超好笑的 I'll tell you later. They're hilarious.
只有你能阻止這些鳥事發生 Look, you alone can stop these terrible things from happening.
你是最後的偉大獨裁者！ You are the last great dictator!
所有其它人都垮台了！格達費 All of the others are gone! Qaddafi,
海珊、金正日、錢尼 Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.
你說的對，納達 You are right, Nadal.
我會成為史上最偉大的獨裁者 I will become the greatest dictator of all,
全世界羡慕的狂人！ the envy of madmen everywhere!
對，最高領導人！ Yes, Supreme Leader!
從北韓的山頂到津巴布韋的叢林 From the mountaintops of North Korea to the jungles of Zimbabwe,
讓每個童工和血汗工人高唱… let every child laborer and sweatshop factory worker sing,
“壓迫到底！壓迫到底！” "Oppressed at last! Oppressed at last!
“感謝阿喇釘，我想被壓迫到底！” "Thank Aladeen, I am oppressed at last!" Yes! Whoa!
不…你要幹嘛？ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
別緊張嘛 - No, no, no, no, don't fall. - I'm not doing anything.
就像拉單槓 Just do like a pull-up. You know how you do pull-ups?
你知道怎麼拉單槓吧？
那是我發明的 I invented the pull-up.
各位觀眾，我們在蘭卡斯特飯店 If you're just joining us, we are at the Lancaster Hotel,
20分鐘後… where in about 20 minutes,
阿喇釘上將簽署新瓦迪亞憲法 General Aladeen will be signing the new Wadiyan constitution.
各國的代表… Dignitaries from around the world
也來見證民主的誕生 are arriving now to witness the creation of a democracy
這將改變整個區域的政治版圖 that will undoubtedly change the political landscape of the entire region.
隨著瓦迪亞民主化，北非也應會跟進 As Wadiya goes, so goes North Africa.
艾德華諾頓，下次換你尿我身上 Eddie Norton, next time, you pee on me.
無所謂了 Whatever.
跟維果莫天森說我哈他 And tell Viggo Mortensen he is on my radar.
你們要怎麼說“大勢已定”？ How do you say, "Fly is in the soup"?
各位，泰米 Gentlemen, Tamir.
容我介紹我的嬌妻 Let me introduce you to my beautiful wife.
劉夫人，十分榮幸 Mrs. Lao, it is my very great pleasure.
不用，她不懂英文 No, no, no, no. She does not speak English.
看好了 Watch this.
妳這醜婆娘！ You ugly horse!
她聽不懂 She doesn't know.
看吧？她老是點頭，再來 "Ohhh." See? She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch.
恐龍妹 Shaved ape.
"Ohhh."
你打算讓我懸空過去蘭卡斯特？ Wait. That is how you intend to get me across to the Lancaster?
沒錯 Absolutely.
你這哪來的？ - Where'd you get that? - I built it.
我做的
我原本要刺殺你 When I was going to assassinate you.
你是指我的替身 You mean my double.
對啊 Sure. Yeah.
好了！ Bingo!
水啦！ Love it!
你滑過去 - Here's what you do. - Okay.
殺掉替身 Zipline across, kill the double,
然後在全世界媒體面前撕掉憲法 and then rip up the constitution in front of the world's media.
小事一樁 Piece of cake.
你好，蘭卡斯特！ Hello, Lancaster!
我搞不懂，我的計算很精準啊 I don't understand what has happened. My calculations were very precise.
你減輕重量就行得通 If you lose enough weight, then the zipline will work.
你口袋裡有東西嗎？ Do you have anything in your pockets?
我檢查一下 Let me check.
那是什麼？ What is that?
椰子水 It's Vita Coco water.
你幹嘛帶著椰子水？ Why do you have Vita Coco water?
因為椰子的鉀含量是香蕉的三倍 Because it has as much potassium as three bananas.
還是太重，你身上還有多餘的東西嗎？ The line is still too heavy. Is there anything else in your pockets that could be weighing you down?
太扯了，那你幹嘛還帶三根香蕉？ You're kidding. So then why did you bring three bananas?
我不相信廣告，我天生多疑 Because I don't trust the advertising. I'm naturally suspicious.
還能扔掉什麼？你還是太重 Is there anything else you're carrying? You're still too heavy.
只剩這個 Just this.
那是磚頭嗎？ What is that, a brick?
你幹嘛帶著磚頭？ All this time you've had a brick? Why do you have that?
為了平衡另一邊的重量 Well, to balance out the weight from the other one.
你帶著兩塊磚頭!? You have two bricks?
對！ Yes!
馬上扔下去！ Throw them down immediately!
歐麥尬！羊在吃繩子！ Oh, my God! There's a little goat eating the wire!
你得馬上減輕重量 You need to lose weight immediately!
口袋清空了，我還可以大便 My pockets are empty. I could poo.
那不會差多少 That won't be enough to make a difference.
差很大，我離開瓦迪亞後就沒大便 Yes, it will. I haven't gone since Wadiya.
失去權力害我嚴重便秘 Losing power has stopped me up like a cork.
趕快！ Hurry!
快點，最高領導人！大下去！ Come on, Supreme Leader! Make it rain! Make it rain!
出來了！還是尖頭的！ It's out! And it's pointy!
阻止那個人！ Somebody stop that man!
Yes!
What? No, no, no, no!
No, no, no!
最高領導人！ Supreme Leader!
快閃人，免得泰米殺了你 Get out of here before Tamir kills you.
誰是泰米？ Who is Tamir?
Tamir...
那個光頭混蛋，他把我們害得超慘 The bald bastard who did all these terrible things to us!
我以為他叫做丹尼斯 I thought his name was Dennis.
泰米記成丹尼斯？差太多了吧 How would you even make that leap? Tamir to Dennis?
快出去！ - Go on, get out! Get out! - Come on, Montzi!
過來，羊兒
快點！ Quick!
快跳，不遠 Just jump. It's not that far.
阿法瓦 Efawadh.
時間差不多了 It is almost time.
我喜歡羊咩咩 I like goats.
我笨死了 I am very stupid.
這是歷史性的一刻 This is an historic moment.
瓦迪亞的元帥大將軍阿喇釘 Admiral General Aladeen of Wadiya
即將簽署… is going to be signing the first democratic constitution in the history of his nation.
該國史上第一份民主憲法
世界各地，人們都盯著電視 Across the globe, people are glued to their television sets.
瓦迪亞人民在慶祝國家的新開始 The people of Wadiya are celebrating what will be a new chapter in their country.
距離他簽署第一份民主憲法… Just moments away now from putting his signature
只剩幾分鐘 on the first democratic constitution.
那是泰米馬法，阿喇釘的親信顧問 That's Tamir Mafraad, Aladeen's trusted advisor,
跟中國商人劉向 sharing a lighthearted moment with Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao.
分享這一刻
你想他們在說什麼？ Any thoughts on what they might be saying, Mike?
他們好像在說“哈維凱托” I thought I made out the words "Harvey Keitel."
真是耐人尋味 Don't know what that meant.
或許他們一起吃過熱狗？ Maybe they shared a hot dog together, I'm thinking?
有道理，他正在擦臉上和胸前的芥末 That would make sense. He's wiping the mustard off his face and chest.
借過！ Excuse me!
你得讓我進去，他想要阻止簽署 You have to let me in. You don't understand. He's trying to stop the signing!
泰米要說話了 Tamir is now speaking.
今天 Today,
我們開啟新的時代 we begin a new era.
瓦迪亞… Wadiya will be open to the world.
將會擁抱世界
擁抱未來 Open to the future.
擁抱商機 And open for business.
可以簽署檔案了，最高領導人 The document is ready to be signed, Supreme Leader.
你在幹嘛？他是冒充者！ What are you doing? This man is an imposter! No! This traitor tried to kill me and had my beard removed!
這個叛徒想殺我，還刮了我的鬍子！
你們看！ Look!
逮捕奸臣泰米！ Arrest the viper Tamir!
現在又出現… And now in another
戲劇性的轉折 amazing turn of events, Tamir Mafraad is being taken away.
泰米馬法被帶走了
這份憲法… This constitution
只是石油公司和國外利益的授權 is nothing but a license for oil companies and foreign interests to destroy my beloved Wadiya!
為了保護我所愛的瓦迪亞
瓦迪亞會維持獨裁！ Wadiya will remain a dictatorship!
安靜 Oh, be quiet.
你們幹嘛這麼反對獨裁者？ Why are you guys so anti dictators?
想像如果美國是獨裁國家 Imagine if America was a dictatorship.
你們就能讓百分之一的人擁有全國財產 You could let 1% of the people have all the nation's wealth.
你們就能幫助有錢的朋友減更多的稅 You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes
你們就能把納稅人的錢拿去補貼他們 and bailing them out when they gamble and lose.
你們就能不顧窮人的醫療和教育需求 You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education.
你們的媒體就能表面上自由… Your media would appear free
私底下卻由一人和他的家族所控制 but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family.
還可以竊聽電話，拷打外國囚犯 You could wiretap phones, you could torture foreign prisoners.
你們也能操縱選舉 You could have rigged elections.
還可以為出兵的理由撒謊 You could lie about why you go to war.
你們能逮捕特定族群 You could fill your prisons
全部關進大牢 with one particular racial group and no one would complain!
沒有人會抱怨！
你們能利用媒體恫嚇人民… You could use the media to scare the people
逼他們隻持危害自身利益的政策 into supporting policies that are against their interests.
我知道你們美國人很難想像 I know this is hard for you Americans to imagine,
不過請試試 but please try.
讓我告訴你們何謂民主！ I will tell you what democracy is!
民主爛透了！ Democracy is the worst!
無止盡的碎碎念又要聽一堆蠢意見 Endless talking and listening to every stupid opinion!
還要什麼全民公投… And everybody's vote counts, no matter how crippled or black or female they are.
無論是殘廢、黑人或女性
民主… Democracy...
民主… Democracy
是不刮腋毛，需要減肥 has hairy armpits and could lose five pounds.
民主看起來像化療戴假髮的侏儒 Democracy looks like a midget in a chemo wig.
民主是你媽媽那天打電話來 Democracy, your mother called the other day
可是我忘了告訴你了 and I forgot to give you the message.
好像是什麼關於你阿嬤的事 It was something very important about your grandmother.
民主會因為心情好打啵 Democracy kisses you because she wants to,
而不是因為老爸乳頭貼著電極… not because her father is in the next room chained to a radiator
被綁在電爐上 with electrodes attached to his nipples.
民主有缺陷！她不是完美的！ Democracy is flawed! She is not perfect!
可是民主… But democracy,
我愛妳 I love you.
所以我才呼籲真正的民主！ And that is why I call for real democracy!
真正的憲法！ A real constitution!
瓦迪亞的真正選擇！ And real elections in Wadiya!
不會吧！ Oh, no!
太瞎了！ Come on!
民主，我要娶妳當小老婆 Democracy, I will make you one of my wives.
好啦，只妳一個，我們會表決 Okay, only wife. We'll vote on it.
我會為你刮腋毛 I'll shave my armpits for you.
讚美上帝 Praise be to the Creator!
還有別再用有機除臭劑了 And please stop using that organic deodorant.
妳能用體臭毒死庫德人 You could gas the Kurds with that stench.
你為了保護我而死，阿法瓦 You died protecting me, Efawadh.
照過來！ Hello!
你沒死？ You are alive?
當然，我的任務就是當肉靶 Of course! It is my job to be shot in the head.
他沒事吧？ - Is he okay? - He's fine.
他很好
幸好子彈打到他的頭 Luckily the bullet hit him in the brain.
那麼… So,
接下來呢？ what now?
我回去瓦迪亞舉行公平選舉 I return to Wadiya to participate in fair elections.
“一年後”
“早安，瓦迪亞”
來回顧去年的美好事件吧 Let's now look back at the wonderful events of the past year.
在瓦迪亞的首次自由選舉後 After Wadiya's first free elections,
總統首相元帥大將軍阿喇釘… President Prime Minister Admiral General Aladeen won 98. 8% of the vote.
贏得百分之98.8的選票
但今天的大事是總統首相元帥大將軍… But the big story today is the marriage of President Prime Minister
阿喇釘與他妻子柔伊的婚禮 Admiral General Aladeen and his new bride, Zoey.
我現在宣布你們結為夫妻 I now pronounce you man and wife.
親愛的，還好吧？妳在踩什麼？ Are you okay, my love? What did you step on? Oh, yes! No, no.
是我同胞的傳統 我們婚禮時一向會踩破玻璃 It's my people's tradition. We always smash a glass at weddings.
我是猶太人！ - I'm Jewish! - What?
好運到！ Mazel tov!
你沒事吧？ Are you okay?
安啦，我不介意，太好了 That's fine. I don't mind. It's great!
過來，親愛的 Come here, my love.
歡迎，總統首相 Jachnoon, President Prime Minister Aladeen.
你好，我一小時後要回王宮 Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back at the palace in an hour.
柔伊以為我在上瑜珈課 Zoey thinks I'm at yoga.
好消息，再過幾天我們就能測試新飛彈 I have great news. We are just days away from testing the new missiles.
我重新設計有效載荷系統 I have re-engineered the oxidizing ducts and the payload delivery systems.
但好事相報，飛彈變尖頭了 But you'll be happy to know, the missile is now pointy!
誰在乎尖不尖頭 Who cares if it's pointy?
啥米？ What?
你很在乎尖不尖頭啊 You do. You care if it's pointy.
我幹嘛在乎這種蒜皮小事？ Why would I care about such a trivial detail?
真的假的？ Are you serious? Are you serious right now?
當然是真的 Of course I'm serious.
你還因為圓頭處決我耶！ That's why you had me executed!
彈頭形狀關鍵在於有效載荷 The shape of the missile has nothing to do with the payload delivery.
那是我說的！我先說的！ That's what I said! That's what I said the first time!
不，是我說的，你秀逗了 No, that's what I said, and you went crazy.
不對！你說卜派教授… No! You said Professor Popeye this...
卜派教授是卡通人物 Professor Popeye is a cartoon.
這我知道！ No, I know this!
我們會設立三百間婦女中心 So, we're opening 300 Women's Centers,
但我要休息一陣子，因為… but I'm going to have to take a break for a little bit because
我懷孕了 I'm pregnant.
什麼？ What?
妳會生男生… Are you having a boy or an abortion?
還是要墮胎？
你們是往生者的親友嗎？ Hello, gentlemen. How you doin'? Are you guys friends of the deceased?
你要我在他遺孀面前爆料嗎？ Do you want me to say this in front of his widow?
我是他的愛人 I was his lover.
不，不可能 No. That is not true.
我看到他跟哈林籃球隊一起表演 I saw him perform with the Globetrotters.
我覺得他很屌，我跟他交朋友 I thought he was outstanding. I befriended him.
不，那是不同的人 No, it's a different person.
他告訴我們“別擔心，要快樂”… His message of don't worry and being happy
很有影響力 was so powerful.
不，那是巴比麥菲林，我說過了 No, this is Bobby McFerrin. I told you this outside.
無論你經歷過什麼醜聞 Whatever the scandal you went through,
你仍是世界第一的高爾夫選手 you're still the best golfer in the world.
走吧 Let's go.
O-M-G O-M-G.
哦，我的天 Oh, my God.
哦，我的… Oh, my...
柔伊 Zoey.
讚啦！這個頭好！ That's some good head!
這就叫做報復，感覺真爽！ That is called payback and it feels so good!
你感覺怎樣？ How did it feel for you? How did it feel for you?
我寧願跟羊嘿咻 I prefer it with goats.
最高領導人在哪裡？ Where is the Supreme Leader? No, no.
這才叫做報復！ Now that is called payback!
好樣的 Oh, great!
別碰，別碰 Don't touch it. Don't touch it.
你不必碰 You don't have to touch it.
抱歉 Sorry. I was...
給我…不用了… Just give us... We don't...
給我一滴滴的空間 Just give me a couple of millimeters to myself.