[Music]
with albatrosses
where was it
Saigon's and borneo
direction wasn't flying
somewhere
minutes market- or we can see within
that tail over was it
[Music]
my man
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
get us morning good morning good morning
mr. sphere the cops are closed Koopa for
you please has a ladies undress
I think you've got a deal there charlie
I thought what became let's see see if
investors get away versus start breaking
necks hey that's no good man then we
can't come back next week with another
load you dig what I'm saying yeah but
what are you gonna do with the broad you
can't see her back on the airplane with
us dr. Jade and revé go
Jesus
[Music]
these are heavy
hey how about me sorry honey
just a home on airplane bullshit buster
I didn't have to come here
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
raise the dead that's what says let me
see that
discovered by Captain James Cook in 1779
warriors silent is supposed to be the
burial ground of disgraced martial
artists inhabited by a bizarre sect of
monks Wylie blew throughout the Orient
to raise the dead warriors from their
graves to repel attacks or threats by
outsiders the island was bypassed by the
Japanese Imperial Army during World War
two
still glad you came by it sounds like
it's gonna be quite a trip where else
can you get six weeks for a grand
complete well I don't know I thought to
do something like Love Boat in the flesh
hurry up we're ready to embark this is
positively my last sailing for that
woman said the same thing last time
captain
time before that too this time I mean it
I mean all she wants is profit
let's bend a nickel in this tub I mean
look at it
crappy maintenance inept crew well
present company excepted it worth your
tailor your Schwartz and you with the
O'Malley right he's the guy that decided
to come to the last minute still want to
own your own Chinese restaurant one day
yes sir hmm you do that you'll never
make it on the weight cheaply
ever there's only one word for you madam
that is cheap listen I want you guys to
meet my chef he's pretty good at that
country's baby you guys to get together
we'll put our little show or something
helping cook is gonna fight got a big
appetite I bet you do babe Oh feel that
come on guys let's go this is back we're
ready to weigh anchor when you are
I pay a modest compliment sorry I
thought the lady was alone oh sit down
here have none of my martinis this is my
husband Louie
how you doing when we get together the
way to get flies pull out the booze and
[Music]
you know it's bad enough that our bar
blocks my view now my wind is broken
one day you'll go too far let's have a
big hand folks and exciting performance
of cogency
[Music]
my colleagues get ready for their next
stunt I'd like to give a short lesson to
the ladies and self-defense now I'll
need one volunteer
go ahead cookie he doesn't have to know
you're on the LAPD SWAT team how about
you
[Music]
okay
now the first thing I want you people to
see is the wrong way to bend off an
attack now what would you do if I came
at you with a knife I certainly wouldn't
tell you okay just do it see what I mean
I haven't done it yet
[Applause]
[Music]
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three cases of smirnoff vodka and two
cases of Johnnie Walker
god forbid we should run out of liquor
you can bet they don't sell it on
warriors Ireland we're supposed to sell
Pine Island not go on a lot of our pants
and just want to go ashore and take
pictures of the monks no one is
permitted Buddha except martial arts
outcasts even they allowed to go there
that's right the Potters build our
country
I'm sorry chin it's one of the places
our passengers paid to see same foot in
Ireland
we're in both wrath of Buddha will you
do me a favor don't be so damn
superstitious oh and check out our
stores of olives and pretzels sure you
don't to see kickboxing with this fight
no thanks John I'm going shopping with
an Lloyd at Heiser
then we're gonna catch a live section
just ready let's go
tomorrow morning
[Applause]
concentrate Oh monkey brains is the best
physical ever fine believe try anything
once
where are we next I want you all to see
the Kmart of the J train you won't
believe this it was something else there
you go thanks a lot
[Music]
wait I know where wait a minute I've got
an idea
aren't you bushed oh no particular yes
you are why don't Mike and I grabbed a
cab back to the ship that soak our
course and Epsom salts that way bitch
you'll have a dance partner tonight all
right
taxi
see later
900 1/2 general Nathan Street what's
that
don't Alice of 1001 pleasures but what
it's a cathouse Oh Lord right now I
really don't feel like going anyplace
this is the only chance I got to hit
this joint you're my cover you don't
have to do anything if you don't want to
okay but I don't want to stay long
Thanks
they do volume I guess 550 pounds of
uncut double-a gray Jade a week and our
only real expense is the airplane and we
got that sir you realize fuel cost
nowadays what's the difference I still
think I'm entitled to more than 10% of
the profits but if some unk's refused to
cardigan like they did the last time
well like you said man
then we starve a kin heads look they
need us as much as we need them right
this is in vain gum it's time left
I think we'd better go
this won't take long
what's all this he must be trashed get
the else
I hear the insides great iron cat house
is legal here no seems like they
shouldn't be that must be it
whoever named this place the palace of a
thousand one pleasures hi guys my name's
Mei Lu come on you thanks doll
I go first see this our check the exits
if I don't come out under five minutes
you come in questions no man
is up ahead what other ones have real
Cooper there are my binoculars don't
second floor it's a good time there
won't be many customers there now
maybe not
[Music]
oh that's nice you know you go down
there
how long will you be in town just a day
tonight our ship sails in the morning
way to a place called warriors Island
give her
hello I mean you come here
out the joint for you
how come a month for the power to raise
her dead I imagine it's a closely
guarded secret and you've never heard of
the blows I'm strictly a city girl
anybody here going to warriors Island I
am have you heard of it
damn light company years ago I was stuck
there no kidding it's a terrible place
mom dad
find the heli going there if you don't
mind my asking
I understand it's where martial arts
criminals meet their maker that's pure
bullshit mind friend let me give you
some good advice I would avoid boyars
Island like the Black Plague
what's that baby mamas I forgot this
month next time
[Music]
I sign
who's the sale buy diamond wanna
[Music]
I have to go and talk captain dark so
they busted thought and then Lloyd and I
went out the window tap I just can't see
you in a whorehouse in the middle of the
afternoon
mike is like I was just doing the guy
favor Gary the joint must have done
something pretty bad for the police will
raid maybe the girls have a disease soon
as I get enough money stashed away I'm
gonna buy my own ship started taking
orders silly female smart Mary that's
where you could come in I'm gonna be
need enough recreation directed by the
way what's your plan of business now
ladies luncheon
[Music]
oh I got a man about a horse that's him
[Music]
what's your problem just shut up and
walk at it yes sir anything you say sir
let's have another round say Catherine
sure
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
come on beep coming
[Music]
you know I thought he was a fag till I
fell his knife a knife can I deal with
this after but one thing's for certain
what's awesome Jade you have to stop
those fools no question man where what
the hell happened last night you were
supposed to kidnap the captain this is
ridiculous I told you next time we won't
miss don't worry I've got this fantastic
plan don't worry he says I guaranteed
that ship will never reach warriors
Island the plan is already in operation
this time tomorrow everybody aboard that
ship will be dead
big lobster chop suey and french fried
squid those of you who wish to try one
of mrs. bucks mommy will you please get
down go mrs. buck
[Music]
let me see so many weirdos there are a
lot of people here the packed in like
sardines
I think it's somebody's birthday would
you say your name was
cookie wrench oh hello you've been a cop
for years what do you do I'm a male
stripper really it's interesting
excuse me I'm here the stang gang in a
Marina del Rey hey on the star
attraction there could I have another
sweet vermouth on the rocks baby I have
a boyfriend say yeah you're pretty do
you have a sister
no but I have a cousin someplace you
know like I was saying before I you'd be
surprised at the number of chef girls
you need ruin a forklift
where'd you call him construction booth
he's jealous
next to you the others are nothing
hey Jon more beer a MILF I was like all
right you know milkers contact
full-contact karate champion of west
coast
attention everybody there is steve
Polanski's 30th birthday that's your
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
you're not concentrating on this then
you're too tense maybe some three in one
oil the stallion galleon it's the girls
only hosi stalin's some old-timers come
here to hate his famous actress I think
you guys would know one she sits by the
stage got a scene she shoves hundred
dollar bills down
my ex-boyfriend could make love to me -
I did a striptease first what do you
call that fetishes who's into fetishes
that's really sick hmm I don't know I
kinda liked it myself
[Music]
can use a couple more girl sure come on
in
you may not believe this you do but we
have to relax okay gorgeous isn't it yes
would you like to meet him my pleasure
we were looking around the room and
decided you are the handsomest man here
thank you my friend Betty is doing a
centerfold
I think it's goodbye to be seen with the
tractive looking men oh if you play your
cards right she can be always I'm sorry
hazel sort of no problem tell me about
the centerfold well it's really not for
positive sure yet well we still have why
are you doing it for the money
well like I said I don't even know if I
for the publicity well sure I guess you
could say that I you're not doing it for
publicity I know why you're doing it why
am i doing it for the devil the devil
yeah look around this place it's the
devil's den
are you joking no good
The Devil's no joke I've been eyeing you
since Long Beach yeah care for a great
okay about a green gravedigger this time
a green what the hell is that
vodka creme de menthe and a lot of
cracked ice hey babe you're strapped sit
down have you seen Eileen she left with
Big John see in the old days uh best
killer like the Shogun earn-in g4 be
able to define anything they damn well
please oh yeah that may be three things
you bully fight dirty or run away did
any of those things they were all cast
in society the only thing could make
things right with by committing suicide
why did they do that on warriors Island
well they believe that the month would
make them raise again from the dead to
fight that way they would get a second
chance
[Music]
probably not
just a fantasy
[Music]
I hope you're for real
I'm flat-out crazy Bocelli
I don't know I felt like this about a
girl before it's the truth
[Music]
everybody myself included the propeller
20 minutes I think we're gonna rock it
loose
are you one of those Vietnam veterans
it's always demonstrating on TV there
are we treated me a ok what you do in
the army I flew a new you Cobra a
helicopter right machine a war though
would be a better time had 16 guns and
was capable of firing 948 rounds per
second really what kind of work do you
do now hey Knight say cheese karate at
the Burbank karate club how about you
days
I'm a certified public accountant hey
where's Lloyd where he always is in the
bar drinking himself silly what if your
wife shows up I'm telling you baby she
won't we're only gonna be five minutes
come on right we're just fine
you're alright come on before my wife
just gotta make it you know you haven't
got all night just relax
what do you mean relaxed jeez I am
relaxed let's go alright next thing I
know the dudes hold not an 11 inch
switchblade coming towards me I wish
I've been there to help you out she's
got a black belt anyway here comes
history I got no place to go
just like in the movies but lucky for me
I'm fast on my feet
no plate for 25 pounds of sugar eating
at fuel tank who's got my arrow
[Music]
one of mine
[Music]
velocity is
[Music]
gee whiz your boyfriend must have been
far out yeah I guess you could say that
what do you do for a living I belong to
the Mafia it was a hood what do you do
me I teach third grade by the way
where's your boyfriend now he's dead
he's dead
oh I'm sorry to hear that
don't be he was a no-good bastard oh
well sometimes it just he just couldn't
keep his hands off other women I'd come
home and find them in my bed he was a
rotten son of a bitch so one day I had
enough I couldn't take it anymore so I
ended it ah I see and you took his
cruise to get him out of your mind all
right I took this cruise to get myself
out of the country what there's a stupid
little murder warrant out for my arrest
oh well I sure hope they get this boat
going I'm real anxious to get to
Warriors Island and see the monks
[Music]
why should we go the entertainer
hey let the boys in the boiler room Jen
you're gonna luckiest son of a bitch
I've ever seen
they make 60 fuck you
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
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[Applause]
hey where you going I want another beer
[Music]
what was that that was low come on
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
what is this go hide on upstairs stairs
stay with the girls
I just thought of something what if my
roommate gets done working out early
[Music]
holy smokes who the heck is he
[Music]
send down a mayday call
[Music]
yeah
[Music]
Mayday Mayday this is star Los Angeles
latitude 13 degrees 38 minutes north
[Applause]
[Music]
your filthy hands off me asshole
[Applause]
[Music]
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[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
jesus H Christ on fire
take that you dirty bastards just when I
find the goddamn gun they set fire to
the goddamn Jim come on
[Music]
boy
okay no net fun
[Music]
a Dios
[Music]
it's a big holiday I told you these
monks wouldn't get fancy we still are ah
we got a good thing going for us here
pooper one basket is this shit is worth
over $200,000 you know there's one thing
I can't understand if the monks like sex
so much why not they go directly to a
whorehouse and buy themselves dinner
binds the girls for sex then why are
they violent food they claim that female
flesh gives him the power to raise the
dead
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
what's our chance of being excited zero
we're at least a couple hundred miles
from the commercial shipping lanes we're
taking water on really fast
don't worry hazel everything
[Music]
Wow how long you think this graph will
stay afloat about a day tops of a
certain part he hasn't been so damn
cheat when it came to maintenance
we could stay adrift for a week at least
ah what's that there
use the rest of our boys must left us
and that is I've done a great job in
this little operation I'm running so I
decided to increase your share of the
profits to 15% hey all right are you
sure they barbecue up
they don't just boil them in a pot say
barbecues them what's that what said
popping
it's people a mall it's those people
from the ship you stupid son of a bitch
[Music]
that's what
[Music]
save your breath son you're only talking
to the Sharks the South China Sea is
famous for sharks
[Music]
what's that it's the mail later
go ahead hazel you'll feel better mother
where are we well I would say this is
warriors island what's the next move
we've got two choices
we can stay here on the beach and wait
for help but we can Trek inland and try
to get some help
let's go hold it John okay what about
the rest of you what do you want to do
chin what do you think
we should not be here well Jesus there's
not much we can do about that come on
let's get the show on the road
[Music]
I think our chances of spotting a
drugstore are next to nil
hell of a lake you want to stop here
we got half an hour daylight left let's
keep going okay hold this is where we
care for the night the one mistake we
made chin was not bringing a case of
generous
[Applause]
let's go Lloyd who elected you the
leader nobody I'm just saying we gotta
get out I don't give a crap what you're
saying I got as much right as anybody to
call the shots in this group another
thing of a leak stay the hell away from
my wife
well I'm Mike you don't have time for
games who wants to camp here let him oh
I see body beautiful thinks he's gonna
call the shots let's go wait a minute I
want to know if you're the new
self-appointed leader can never put your
hand on me again all right that's it
we're gonna camp here for the night
[Applause]
[Music]
you're not thinking about going for a
swim are you you know
Asian Parata twice as big as the South
American kind how do you know that in
the war I saw a Vietcong fed to him
that's okay people react to pressure in
little ways Michael thank you for um
watching off the group
[Music]
I hope I'm not overstepping my
boundaries
I think the group needs a leader that's
not what I mean I mean with you
I'm sorry that's not fair me no it's
fair it's just not simple Boyd is a
really nice man he needs really well he
just drinks too much and gets a little
confused sometimes do you love him
No
I can't tell you how much I wanted to
hear that this is the place on the
brochure you superstitious
this must be the place where they bury
the goddamn kung foo fighters
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
yeah let's do this in a movie once
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
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[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
now I know I know that guy
who a guy with this bazooka he's the guy
I saw at that cathouse
he took a look at the brochure and he
warned us not to come here it still
doesn't answer the question why doesn't
want us here there must be something
here they don't want us to see first
there's some gentleman behind us welcome
my friends who they allow us I wanted to
ask you the same question follow me what
do you think like the man said it's foul
you came on this island without
permission we had no choice but you are
still trespassing that's bullshit
John cool it okay you guys say you have
no radio could you lend us a boat that's
a possibility
let's Gloria here these guys are jerking
us around you're not gonna give us
diddly if you want help you must earn it
how by proving yourself in battle
we were not convinced on what we saw in
the cemetery your opponents showed
cowardice went rest you must demonstrate
superior fighting skills for you to
redeem yourselves
I got you redeemed what do you want us
to do fight our champions if you defeat
them we will help you could be a lot
worse if we don't get anything to drink
at all I didn't know that a lot of cops
were after me
the gas company that's funny isn't this
what you call an old-fashioned all-out
no-strings jungle thief let's cut the
ceremonies and get on with the fight
gladiators of guess
[Music]
come forward so that you can - you are
not the powers and losers and in society
master invisible make it stronger so
they can
[Music]
yeah maybe you can the guided tours at
Universal you did I'm sorry
male ooh isn't it yes I was at your
place when I rated you really had me
food there I take you take you it's one
of the kidnappers that day I'm not one
of the kidnappers none of us are we want
to get off this island as bad as you do
Oh sacred masters in the sky in steel
our fighting cadavers with Kiki
slashing strength to execute righteous
[Music]
we will get you off your cider that's a
promise
go round up your friends yeah right but
there are two more girls the mugs
haven't released yet inside there let's
go get him you stay here and uh keep an
eye on things
hey the other ones an American
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
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[Music]
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[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
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[Music]
stop it's okay baby it's okay
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
that's how we're leaving - let's hit it
this is the last one Koopa anymore and
the plane won't be able to take off that
would be a hell of a nod wouldn't it
don't get too close to the water
I'm telling you it's full of piranhas eh
funny looking
[Applause]
what's that grease Harry I think it's
some kind of mine I think it's a Jade
mine hazel wait John and I are gonna
check out the airplane you guys wait
here got the plane if that doesn't work
with cooking so listen I know you feel
sorry about losing all your buddies but
was this all a change you can retire I
think we should have gone with the
original sauce in the first place
instead of haggling with a bunch of
cannibals I don't believe this
believe it let's go check out the
cockpit
you fly the spray maybe fucking find the
keys whose I'll accept okay everybody
listen up please we can't find the keys
the ignition but if everybody gets in
the airplane I'm gonna see if I can
cross the wires okay okay okay
that's far enough sorry we have to keep
meeting under these circumstances
actually if you had listened to me in
the first place about not coming here
the bloody scene which is about to
happen could have been avoided
[Applause]
[Music]
Oh
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
this time we're gonna be partners a
bridge where's old goat chin I gotta
tell him he's gesturing
yeah
[Music]
finally get this thing up get it up
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
you