[ skateboard wheels ]
[indistinct whispering]
[wind sighing]
[whispering continues]
[eerie music]
*
- For centuries,
the human race looked to the stars,
searching the heavens for signs of life,
wondering if we were alone.
Then one day, stars fell from the sky,
the swords of fire.
An alien civilization invaded Earth,
bringing humanity to its bloody knees.
Unconquered lands fell to tyrants.
General Chizum,
a ruthless warlord, rose to power.
But then rumors spread.
A child was found,
a child with a secret so powerful
even she would be kept from its truth.
A brave resistance,
the Free Legion vowed to protect her,
convinced she was a harbinger of peace.
But the child, now a young woman,
has fallen into the hands of the evil General.
Save the girl and perhaps all of humanity.
Two bounty hunters have been tasked with the rescue.
And this is how my story begins.
[dramatic music]
*
[vomiting]
- Why you falling down there, soldier?
Get up!
- Hustle up!
- Move!
[foreboding music]
*
[men shouting indistinctly]
- Come on, let's go!
[people yelling]
[children jeering]
- Stop! - Take him!
- Grab him!
- Hey, sweetheart.
- Hey, baby. - Ow!
- Yeah, baby.
- I got him! [children laughing]
- There was chaos from within.
People were killing people.
- Hustle up. March! Move it!
- General Chizum wants you to know
that's where the enemy is.
That's the people we should be killing.
Are you with me?
[people cheering]
You are either with us or against us.
[people shouting]
Let's go.
[shouting indistinctly]
- [muttering] Okay, eh.
No good.
- Move it.
- Next.
[gunshot]
- Mm.
Mm, mm.
Come on now.
Open up. Open up.
Open up. That's it.
Open up. Ow!
Ah! Ah!
[screaming]
- [coughs]
- You try to eat my doctor?
[fingers snap]
Safety's off.
Well, that's disappointing.
[metallic thwack] [metal scrapes]
Put him in the hole.
- [grunting]
[gate clangs]
- Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Easy. Easy.
[chuckles]
- [spits]
- We'll keep you on a short leash.
So...
...how's my little harbinger?
Gonna find out your little secret.
- Village will send someone, and you'll die.
- Welcome to the party.
- She's pretty, but she's a pain in the ass.
- Screw you.
- What took you so long?
- Took the hard way in.
- What the hell is going on?
- Inside voice, sweetie.
- Don't call me that.
- [gagging]
- Oh, God.
- Criminy, that hurts.
[groans]
[jazzy music]
*
Any day now.
- Oh.
Shit.
*
[gate creaks]
Got it.
[lock clicks]
[gate squeaks]
*
[alarm blaring]
*
- What the hell's going on? - No time.
- What the hell'd you do?
- Hey, you're staying. - Free country, old man.
- Bullshit. He goes. - Yeah, bullshit. I go.
- And I say you stay.
This ain't a goddamn adoption agency.
- Tom Dixie, he comes.
- The kid's a deserter. He'll flake the second we...
[sighs]
You keep your shit smell away from me.
- Hell of a guy.
[alarm continues]
[metal clanging]
[people screaming]
- Alien!
[alarm continues]
[people shouting]
[lighter clicks]
[metallic footsteps]
[robotic breathing]
- What can I do you for?
- [chuckles] I have many girls...
...all ages, all sizes.
- Take your pick.
- [gasping indistinctly]
- [weakly] I don't have who you're looking for.
- I'm gonna have to check my dictionary on that one.
[gasping]
- Where the hell are we going?
- It's on a need-to-know basis, AWOL.
- You know, you give the shittiest nicknames.
- Yep.
- Man of a few words.
Overdone, don't you think?
- He's got his reasons, just like you and I got ours.
- He knows shit about me.
- He knows you talk too much.
Keep moving.
- General.
- Very disappointed.
- We'll get them back, sir. We'll get them back.
- Go get my boys.
- Yes, sir!
[suspenseful music]
*
[dramatic percussive music]
*
- The men are ready.
[people shouting]
[engine turns over]
- Go, go, go!
[gun clicks]
[door slams]
[engine revs]
[water rushes]
- [chuckles]
- Oh, yeah.
You shoot?
- Can... I have a gun?
Really?
[gun clicks] - I don't want to shoot you.
- Well, I don't want you to shoot me either.
- Sorry. Trust issues.
Are you guys Free Legion?
- Not exactly.
- Under contract, sweetheart.
- Don't call me that!
[screams]
- [grunts]
- How much? How much they paying you?
- Not enough to get bitten.
Am I right, Abel?
- "Harbinger." Of what?
- It's a secret.
- Abel, we deliver the package, no questions asked.
Uh, miss, if you come with us,
we'll even give you bullets.
[laughing]
- Hope you're worth it.
- I hope I am.
- Stay close.
We move into mineland.
- Uh, mineland? Is that really necessary?
- You don't need to know.
[water splashing]
- I lost their trail.
They must have banked somewhere else.
- Don't you move, Gelman.
[gunshot]
Oops. I missed.
Get the tracker.
[wind sighing]
- Rope's a bit much.
- You just keep your eyes peeled for mines.
You're no good to us as a red mist.
[exotic instrumental music]
*
[eagle shrieks]
- That, uh, taste like anyone there, Dark Horse?
- [clicking tongue]
We go by foot.
They went over the ridge to mineland.
- How far?
- Maybe half a day or more.
- [whispers] Shit.
- Get your shit!
We're walking.
[thunder rumbling]
[dramatic music]
*
- What do you think?
- Uh, about 100-miler.
Keep due south. Lead us right to the rendezvous.
- I forgot how gorgeous this place is.
- Yeah, 'til you get your leg blown off.
- Ladies first.
- Watch your step.
[brush cracks]
- When this is over, I'm gonna get a firm mattress,
bottle of hooch, and a good lay.
[mine clicks and whirs]
[electronic beeping]
- General,
I think I stepped on something.
- Pressure mine.
Probably a dud.
- A dud?
- Hey, Dark Horse...
...looks like you missed one.
- Nobody's perfect.
- [laughs]
He's right.
Get him a rock.
Take his bag.
We're losing daylight.
- Hold this.
- Wait, no. - Give me the bag.
- Wait. Wait.
[laughing] You're not gonna leave me here, guys.
Are you friggin' kidding me?
What the hell?
Chizum!
[explosion booms and echoes]
[dirt crunching]
- Is it alive? - Does it have any water?
- Could be a trap.
It's dead!
Uh-huh.
Don't get deader than that.
- Great! What about the water?
[arm clanks and hisses]
[mine click and whirs]
[whirring]
- Criminy.
Abel,
we got a-- got a teeny little problem here.
Wait, that's close enough.
[electronic beeping]
Well, it's been fun.
- It's a pressure mine,
Commie-12 probably, antipersonnel.
- Can you deactivate it?
- In theory. - How about in reality?
- Don't get snappy with me, pappy.
- This is bullshit.
Why should we trust him?
[electronic beeping]
- I need a rock like...
This, only 10 times bigger.
- Can I do anything?
- Talk to him.
- Okay.
Uh.
How old are you?
- Really?
- Sorry.
Um, do you have any kids?
Sorry.
- Yeah, I got a daughter.
Ain't seen her in a long, long time.
- What's her name?
[mine beeps]
- This okay?
- Thanks, Abel.
All right, both of you step back.
No, I mean, like, way back.
- Goddamn it, just leave me here!
- Shut up, old man!
We're gonna swap you with the rock,
but it's probably gonna blow anyway.
When I say, "Go,"
gently lift your heel.
Go.
Run.
Run!
[grunts]
It worked! [laughing]
- That's 'cause it was probably a dud!
- That's good, right?
[laughing]
Wah!
Whoo!
Whoo--
Whoo.
- You earned it.
[exotic instrumental music]
*
[eagle shrieks]
- Dust on the horizon.
- I don't see them.
- It's there.
- Are you sure it's them?
- Maybe.
- How far?
- Pretty far.
- Abel!
Hey, Abel.
Call it a day.
- It's just over the ridge.
- Ha, all right, then, it's tea time.
- Oh, thank God.
[gentle music]
*
[rocks clacking]
- Give me the blade.
[knife scraping]
- You're him.
You're supposed to be dead.
- Who's hungry?
- What's he talking about?
- He led an army against the invaders.
- You remember when they landed?
- Yeah, looked like the sky falling.
- All the countries getting bitch slapped into cooperation.
Abel led an army right to their door.
These people were willing to fight when others wouldn't.
- And fail.
- What the hell do you know about it?
Something about him makes people follow.
Trust me, when the fighting starts,
you want to be on his side.
That kid's been through more shit than a man twice his age.
So give him a goddamn break.
- Cook it the best we can.
- Well, I, as a rule, generally prefer
my rattlesnake Cajun-style,
but I'll have to make allowances.
[chuckles]
[gentle music]
*
[metallic clanging]
*
[snoring]
[stick cracks]
- No!
[screams]
[breathing heavily]
- [grunts]
- You killed my tracker.
Love a little twist in the narrative.
Bind them.
[gunfire]
- Enough.
- Ah!
- Huh.
It's disappointing.
He was really starting to open up.
- Ah!
Holy shit!
- [grunting]
- It's a nice blade.
[sword clanks] Come on.
- The girl...
You know her secret.
- [spits]
- You two know each other.
That much I figured.
But why?
- Old fishing buddies.
[both chuckle]
- Hang around for a little while.
You'll find out that
I am not one with whom to screw.
- Well, shit, damn, howdy.
If I'd known you were gonna be giving away sexual favors,
I'd have worn my fancy underpants.
- [laughs]
- [spits]
About a 7.5 on the concussion scale there, Chizzy.
Man, that the best you got? You're better than that.
Come on.
- Look at me.
I'm gonna hurt you now.
- Suck my--
Ah!
- Break 'em in yet?
- Working on it.
- Ah!
- [grunts]
Ah! Ah!
[snake hissing]
- Holy shit.
- Now, you can join them in misery,
or you can talk.
- I'll talk. I'll talk. Jesus God, I'll talk.
Brooding dude is Abel, friggin' Siege of Chicago Abel.
The girl won't say a word, and I'm just--
I'm just a deserter, man. I'm a nobody.
- You're a wealth of information.
- Boss ain't gonna like this.
- Mind your own damn business, Distephano.
Hmm.
- Talk to me, Abel.
Talk to me.
- [gasping]
- I don't hear you talking.
- Hey, asshole!
Why don't you pick on someone your own age?
[laughing]
Yeah, yeah.
- [grunts]
Giger!
- Bitch.
- You're all a bunch of bitches!
- Shut him up!
- [grunting]
- Do it! Do it, you little prick!
[woman screams]
- Watch him.
- Bitch bit me.
[gunshot]
- Fight me, or he dies.
- Good luck!
He'll kill you like a little bitch.
- Prove him right.
[brick shatters]
- One brick. One asshole.
- Hey!
[choking]
[neck cracks]
- You one-upping son of a bitch.
- I had to.
- Well, a man's got to do
what a man's got to do.
Come here.
- No hard feelings?
- Nope. No hard feelings.
You had to.
- [muffled shouting]
You broke my nose, you son of a bitch!
- I would've punched you, but...
I had to.
- We got to get Ellie.
- Yeah, I foresee a slight outnumbering problem.
- I have an idea.
- That's good.
[chain clanks]
- Why are you doing this?
- You bring something very powerful to the table.
And tell me what it is, or I'll slaughter your friends.
- Let them go.
- Life is so complicated.
But I am this close...
This close.
[alarm blaring]
[people shouting]
Warwick, you stay with the girl.
Keep your hands off her.
- Don't you move.
[neck cracks]
- Let's go.
[alarm blaring]
[suspenseful music]
*
- Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
[engine grinding]
- Come on.
- Come on. Let's go. Come on!
- Bitch!
[gunshots]
- [groans]
- We don't have time for this.
- Yeah, well, we've really gone and done it now.
- How?
- Because he's not gonna stop.
- And why is that?
Tom, what are they paying us again?
- Duty, honor...
Some kind of bullshit.
Appendages.
[chuckles]
Man, we're all way off course.
Let's rock.
What a shit hole.
[wind whooshing]
[foreboding music]
*
[grunts]
*
[snake hissing and rattling]
[groaning]
Sweetheart, you guys go on ahead.
I'll catch up with you.
- Shh. We're not going anywhere.
We're not leaving anybody.
- Ellie, you're not gonna start crying, are you?
- [crying]
Abel.
[indistinct whispering]
[wind sighing]
[foreboding music]
*
[indistinct whispering]
*
[dramatic music]
*
[ominous music]
*
[no audible dialogue]
*
[music fades]
[crickets chirping]
- [muttering indistinctly]
- Jebediah, this one's awake.
- That's Tom Dixie there, Little Wyatt,
a genuine hero.
You get on back to camp and notify Crispus.
- You go.
- I'll tell your mama you've been cussing.
- Damn it. All right.
- You look like shit.
- It's the best we got.
[squishing]
How you feeling, Tommy?
- Well,
I feel like I've been shit out of hell.
- Hey.
Vintage.
- Thank you.
So what's it been, Crispus?
Since Pittsburgh, I reckon.
- Yeah... and look at us now.
Like time has stood still.
- Yeah.
Little extra saggage and baggage.
- [laughs]
- Hurts like shit to take a piss, but...
- You know, that's why I always dug you, Tommy.
Hey.
Mi casa es su casa.
Tonight, we gonna lay low.
We'll get some rest.
And tonight...
We get drunk.
[wood clacking]
- Hey.
- Where's Tom?
- He's awake.
Who are these people?
- Friends.
- I don't like this place.
It's too quiet.
- Wake-y, wake-y.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
Yes.
My own concoction.
Oh, it ain't gonna bite you.
[sniffs]
You know you both smell like shit?
[gentle music]
*
[water splashing]
- [giggles]
[laughs]
*
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
*
[glass clinking]
- I'll tell you, you got a hell of a setup here, Crispus.
I am impressed.
- Yeah, they're good people.
I like this life, Tommy.
- I don't know. I kind of miss sidewalks.
I kind of miss concrete in general.
[glasses clink]
[laughter]
- [exhaling sharply]
[bottles clinking]
- * * * Oh
* The day is red
* And the fish is...dead
[laughter]
* The egret stalks coyly
* With its feathers all oily
* And the dust finally settles
* On a bed full of
* Nettles
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
[applause]
- Jebediah, can you tell our fortunes?
- Oh, oh, oh--
- children: Yay!
- Now, first of all, they are visions, not fortunes.
And anyhoo, ain't you little folk tired of
hearing the same old "fortunes"?
They ain't gonna change any.
- We don't care!
- all: We don't care!
- All right, all right, all right, all right.
You, come here. Give me your hands.
[inhales deeply]
Mm.
[gasps] Oh, my.
You are gonna have six kids.
- Oh, no. [laughter]
- Jebediah, do me.
- You're gonna be a fearless soldier some day.
Maybe even slay a man or two.
- Jebediah, do her. Do her.
[children cheering]
- Come on now. I ain't gonna bite you.
I won't bite you.
- Ridiculous.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Focus.
Mm.
It's very dark in there.
There's love...
...but then... it dies.
- Dies?
- No--I'm sorry. Let me try again.
I--
Well.
Who wants some music?
[metallic ringing]
- Are you okay?
- I'm just the harbinger.
That's it.
- Sorry.
[fire blazing]
[folksy violin music]
*
[people cheering and whistling]
- Crispus, this is a bad idea.
- The best ones usually are.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Here we go. Ooh, baby.
Mmm.
[laughing]
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
Whoo, whoo, whoo.
[gentle piano music]
*
[yelling]
*
[wind sighing]
- [snoring]
- Let's talk.
Takes a lot of faith to do what you do...
To believe in her.
- You don't?
- I do.
Mm.
You're hungry.
- What about the others?
- Jebediah's got them covered.
[tent flap rustles]
[foreboding music]
*
- I remember you.
Say good-bye to your friend.
Get him out of here.
- [growls]
Damn it. Damn it, you little prick!
- [whispers] Shh, Mr. Dixie.
That Chizum bastard's coming.
- What?
- [whispers] Follow me.
- Where's the rest of my payload?
- Stole away in the night.
Even robbed me of my pillow.
- Ransack this bitch.
- With pleasure.
[men shouting]
[people screaming and shouting]
- [laughs and growls]
- Where is she?
Where are they?
- A tea party?
- We're just playing.
- Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
- Place is clear, sir.
- Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
- Cute.
- Okay. Who else wants some tea?
Yeah. Oh.
- We made a deal.
- It's hardly a deal.
- Do you like show business, Crispus?
- We played Carnegie Hall last week.
Before that, Madison Square.
What can I say?
We're a hit.
- General, the place is clean.
Down.
- I kept half the bargain.
- You did...
...and so will I.
[hammer clicks]
I won't kill everyone.
[gunshot]
- Crispus! - Crispus.
- You killed him! You-- [grunts]
- Crispus?
[crying]
- We'll find her.
[engine turns over and revs]
- Come on, guys. Come on, guys. Quick.
- Yeah.
- Nice kids.
- Rest in peace, old friend.
- Now what?
- Now we go kill the bad guys.
We'll need a ride, weapons.
[dramatic music]
*
[engine revs]
Oh, ho, like a rock star.
- Don't be gentle.
- We won't.
[engine revving]
*
[relaxing music]
*
[metallic clink]
- You have infinitely more balls than I do.
Excuse me, henchman.
Could you just bring us a nice bottle of sparkling rosÃ©?
Whatever's driest would be fine.
We'd settle for the release thing.
- [grunting]
[dramatic music]
*
[relaxing music]
*
[dramatic music]
*
[relaxing music]
*
- [humming]
* Ah
[engine revving]
[horn honks]
- Grenade!
[explosion booms]
- Oh!
- Assholes!
[laughter]
[engine revving]
[dramatic music]
*
- You need to speed up! - Shut up!
- Speed up, speed up, speed up. - Really? Backseat driving?
[horn honks] - [grunting]
- Whoa!
- What the hell?
- I am driving! - You need to speed up!
- I am speeding up! - Speed up!
Klamp!
Klamp, on the hood!
- Abel!
- Klamp, you have to jump.
- Jump, you pussy!
[car rattles]
[tires screech]
[engine revs]
- Son of a bitch!
Giger, take care of this.
[gunshots]
[vehicles bang]
Get us out of here!
[gunshot]
[van crashes]
[brakes squeal]
- Abel! [gunshots]
- Get down! Get down!
[gunshots]
[gunfire]
- Come on.
[bullets clanging]
Bitch.
Ah!
[gunshots]
[gun clicks] - Oh, shit. God damn it.
[gunshot]
God damn it to hell, I'm hit.
Oh, ain't this a bitch, sweetheart?
[gun clicks]
Ellie.
Ellie! Ellie!
Criminy.
- It's just a little splinter.
- There's no time like the present.
- Bitch.
[dramatic music]
*
[metal scrapes]
- [grunts]
- It's a good day for you to die.
[shouting]
- [grunts]
- Where are you going, Abel?
- This is an interesting development.
[grunting]
Oh, you bitch, get over here!
Bet you-- You'll pistol-whip me?
[swords clanging]
[grunting]
Bitch!
- Hey, asswipe!
[gunshot]
- [whispers] You're nothing.
[swords clanging]
- Time to shut her down.
[gun clicks]
- [laughing]
- You look like hell, Tom Dixie.
- Well, hell, I'm just reaching my prime.
[grunts]
[grunting]
- Good-bye, Abel.
[gagging]
[mine clicks]
[whirring]
[electronic beeping]
- Maybe it's a dud.
- Maybe.
I'll be right back.
[explosion booms]
- [coughing]
- [gagging]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh.
- [weakly] You are...
- Shh.
Shh, you're gonna be okay.
- [whispers] Ellie, Ellie...
- Shh. - You...
- Shh.
[sobs]
- You...
[gagging]
Ellie...
You...
- [whispers] I'm right here.
I'm--I'm right here.
- C-criminy.
My brother...
...it was worth it.
You'll see.
You...
- [crying]
[melancholy music]
*
- [echoing] Hello!
[gentle music]
*
- You need a mirror.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry about Tom.
I'm sorry.
*
- This is the apocalypse, but the world didn't end.
It keeps moving...
pushing.
People dying...
others living.
And I walk somewhere in between.
- [snorts]
[spits]
[laughs]
Nice catch.
Ain't that right, Worms?
- [laughing]
- I want to suck the marrow from your bones.
[whizzing]
How'd you do that?
[whizzing]
- You're not an easy man to track down.
Looks like you're in quite a bind.
- Yep.
- I was sorry to hear about Tom.
He was a brave man.
The Free Legion...
...needs your help, Abel.
- I think I've had enough of the Legion.
- So Ellie...
...want to know her secret?
You're gonna love this.
- Abel,
it's Ellie.
Look, I know I left things in bad shape,
but I need you to listen.
The aliens,
they're not what we thought.
I need you to trust Panzer, okay?
If not for me, then for Tom.
I'll explain everything.
I promise.
- She's their goddamn queen.
So...
are you ready?
[dramatic music]
*
[engines roaring]
*