(PHIL) Boy, if I ever wanted to say anything great,
now's the time.
There's nothing out there for you, jessie.
Except me in a different suit.
You think what we have together
is blocking you from something.
I swear to God, we're getting a divorce
when all we need is separate vacations.
(JESSICA) You don't understand, do you?
Look, when I go out that door, what are you gonna do?
You're gonna stand here and start crying
while I drive around the block…
I'm not gonna start crying after you leave.
You're not? No.
What are you gonna do?
I'll probably work on my song.
It's not like the painting and the photography.
It's not.
You just have a thing about my voice.
I've gotten a lot of terrific feedback on my songs.
You don't think so?
Just the word "feedback," it's a stupid word.
Do you mind if I say things my way?
I don't mind.
Honey, you can't drag this out, you know.
It's not gonna make it any less awful.
What's left to say, anyway?
That I'm glad that we were married.
Thank you. That's lovely.
That was lovely, wasn't it?
Wasn't that lovely?
If there's one thing I didn't expect to do today, it was laugh.
Yeah.
Well, the day could be chock-full of surprises.
I mean, if there's one thing that I didn't expect today,
it's that the two of us would end up in bed.
Not this time, babe.
Why didn't you throw these away?
I don't know.
Maybe I wanted you to find them.
"Evermore, Neil."
Dear God. "Evermore"?
You went to bed with a man that said "evermore"?
Do you want to know about it?
No.
[THUDDING]
(JESSICA) ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA, ♪ ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
No, don't let her sing. Not with that voice.
[♫ PIANO PLAYS]
♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA, ♪ ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
[JESSICA CLEARS THROAT]
♪ It's gonna be easy for you ♪
♪ to do what you got to do ♪
♪ stand up on your own ♪
♪ you got it made ♪
♪ it's gonna be harder for me ♪
♪ but this woman's ♪ ♪ got a right to be ♪
♪ more than ♪ ♪ a shadow of her man ♪
♪ I loved you from my heart ♪
♪ gave the best I had ♪
♪ tried to be your friend ♪
[WHISTLES]
(JESSICA) ♪ Now it's ♪ ♪ foolish to pretend ♪
[WHISTLING]
♪ 'Cause once ♪ ♪ the feeling's gone ♪
[DOG BARKS]
♪ It's better to move on ♪
♪ it's gonna be ♪ ♪ hard for me to do ♪
thank you.
Not anymore.
♪ I'm sure I'll cry ♪ ♪ more tears than you ♪
♪ but I've gotta be more ♪ ♪ than a shadow of my man ♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[KNOCKING]
[SIGHS]
Can I have a drink?
Get in here.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
(MICKEY) Goddamn, I'm glad to see you.
I finally got you to Boston.
I'm glad I'm here, too.
Hello, marva.
Will you stop, marva?
Maybe you'd better leave us alone for a while.
(MICKEY) Sit down, Phil.
How you doing?
Pretty good.
Not so great.
Bad.
OK.
You gonna let me help you or not?
I don't need any help.
I'm gonna help you whether you like it or not.
I'm not talking about psychiatry.
Psychiatry is not gonna do a thing for me, Mickey.
Who's talking psychiatry?
I'm not a psychiatrist anymore, Phil.
I've gone through some changes myself.
What are you doin' now?
I'm teaching psychiatry.
(MARVA) If it's ok,
I'd really like to be a part of this.
Phil, we've never talked about this,
but I've always felt like a sister to you.
Not a sister-in-law.
And, Phil,
this could be the best thing that could happen to you.
It could be very exciting.
The possibilities for growth and self-awareness,
getting to know yourself
could be the most wonderfully happy, even thrilling experience.
And I've got you set up in this divorced men's workshop
they have at the church here.
What are you talking about?
I'm not gonna do that.
It's not psychiatry.
Trust me a little, will you, Phil?
I know the way you are.
It's just this workshop, one night a week.
Mickey, I… I appreciate that, but I… I couldn't do that.
I couldn't get up in front of a…
Hello, in there.
Let us do something. Please?
(MICKEY) Where you going?
I don't know.
It hasn't been a real terrific day.
You can use Victor's room.
Right.
I'm all right. Just exhausted.
I'm all right.
Good night.
He looks awful.
Sure it's all right for me to borrow Tracy's sleeping bag?
Of course.
I'll get it back to you as soon as I get settled, huh?
Mmm-hmm.
Thanks for everything, marva.
[CAR DOOR SLAMS]
(MARVA) Call if you get sad.
Can I call if I get happy?
Yeah. Sure.
Oh, Phil.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING ON T.V.]
Shit.
(ANNOUNCER) Attention, shoppers.
Right now, in the clothing department
we have levis for $10.90.
We have boys' jeans for $6.90 and $9.90.
We have big boys' pants for $7.90.
Elaine, register 3, please. Elaine, register 3.
♪ Memories ♪
♪ like the corners of my mind ♪
♪ misty water-colored memories ♪
♪ of the way we were ♪
[DOOR OPENS]
Hi, Mickey.
I'm fine.
Uh, I was wondering what you two are doing tonight.
Is it that late?
Oh.
Well, uh…
No, don't be silly.
I mean, you…
Go back to sleep.
You gotta go to work in a couple of hours.
Tomorrow night? Sure. Fine.
I'll see you then. Good night.
Good morning, Mickey.
Get the fuck away from me!
I've got a knife.
I'll cut your fucking balls off, so help me!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Ah, Phil, come on in.
You're not going to believe…
I was gonna call the police.
What's the matter?
Marva invited a friend tonight.
She was attacked by a pervert just a block from here.
Oh, Phil, this is Marilyn holmberg.
Marilyn, this is Michael's brother, Phil.
On her way here, Marilyn was almost attacked by some pervert.
(MARILYN) Oh!
I'm really not this kind of person.
I could die. I could die.
(MARILYN) Oh!
(MICKEY) Phil is the pervert.
(MARVA) No. Isn't that marvelous?
I have an excuse.
I took this self-defense course…
(MICKEY) Wouldn't you have loved to be there?
And they told me that if somebody comes down the street
and does something to you, you scare him.
You must've gotten very high marks in the course.
(MARVA) Phil, what exactly did she say to you?
I don't think we should talk about that.
Oh, come on.
(MICKEY) Phil, what did she say?
Nothing, really.
She said:
"Get the fuck away from me
or I'll take this knife and cut your fucking balls off."
A really well-bred person would not have repeated that.
Dinner.
Did she really say that?
She said that, yeah.
Really? Hmm.
I never heard her talk like that.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[MICKEY COUGHS]
(MARVA) I think Marilyn was very brave.
I wish I could have done something like that.
No, a well-bred person wouldn't have repeated that.
I'm sorry.
[LAUGHING]
All right, come on, let's cut that out.
OK.
[SNICKERING]
[LAUGHING]
Listen, I wanna say something,
even though it's a little awkward.
It's silly.
You ought to be able to have
a man and a woman to dinner together
without everyone thinking that it's something arranged.
(MARVA) In other words, this is not a fix up.
[MICKEY LAUGHING]
(MARVA) Oh, it's so nice to see you both.
It's been a wonderful evening.
Just wonderful. Don't hurt her, Phil.
What are you talking about?
She's a terrific woman.
She's an extraordinarily gifted nursery school teacher.
She's gone back to school
to get her master's in child development.
She's getting it together.
And I, for one, don't want her hurt.
I'm not even sure I'm gonna ask her out.
Why?
Because she doesn't have large breasts?
(MARVA) Now, you bundle up.
It's cold outside. Take care of yourself.
Where are your mittens?
(MICKEY) We'll have to do this a lot more often.
[LAUGHING]
Oh.
Bye-bye.
Good night.
Bye-bye. Good night.
(MARVA) Well, I think that went pretty well.
[MICKEY LAUGHING] Well, what did you…
[MARVA EXCLAIMS]
Oh, dear.
[DOG BARKING]
You wanna go out tomorrow night?
How long have you been separated?
One month.
You wanna go out tomorrow night?
No. Ah, look…
I mean, really. You have been separated for a very short time.
Marva knows how I feel about that.
I guess that's why she didn't…
[SIGHS]
Anyway, it's a very intense time for you.
I'm not that intense. I'm a little intense.
Right.
Forget it.
Look, in the old days, I'd have already been
calling my girlfriends to tell them about you.
So don't feel bad.
In fact, I'd like it if you called me later on.
How much later?
Hmm, 3, 4 months.
Do you know anybody I can go out with now?
Now?
I feel funny waiting 3 or 4 months to call you.
Oh, yes. I can see your point.
[PHONE RINGING]
[RINGING]
[SOBBING]
Hello.
Hi. It's me.
[SOBS]
It's so incredible that you called now.
W-what is it, jessie?
Uh…
What?
I'm sorry.
Sorry? What, are you kidding?
Uh…
There's nothing to be sorry about. I mean…
What's going on?
What's wrong, jessie?
Nothing. I just got off the phone.
[SOBBING] They're gonna release my song as a single.
They expect these great things.
I just can't believe this is actually taking place.
I'm actually living my fantasy.
Wonderful. Congratulations.
It's just perfect that you're the first to hear.
Perfect.
[SIGHS]
Well, how are you?
Oh, uh, great. I… I have this, uh…
I have this great house, an, uh, apartment.
And, uh, you know,
I have a great view of the, uh, of the trees.
And, uh, branches. And I've got a window seat.
Oh, that sounds really great.
Yeah, I got this great door with molding that goes all around.
What do you think about us seeing each other again?
Oh.
Honey, didn't you get the notification from the court?
Notification?
Well, it's final, you know. We're divorced.
You know, that thing that you said to me the last night?
I'll always treasure it, Phil. Always.
What thing?
When you said that you were happy that we'd been married.
Jessie?
Yeah?
I've changed my mind.
[PHONE CLICKS]
Listen, I may as well say it and get it over with.
I started seeing my ex-wife again.
Now, I know. I know, I know.
I don't know what to say about it. It just…
Maybe you're all just gonna have to
tie me to the mast till I can get over this.
(EVERETT) It's this crazy thing he has.
He… he keeps marrying the same woman.
Oh, I know we can't be together.
It doesn't work.
But she called.
And even though I know how balled up everything always gets,
I really can't stay away.
I love her.
[CRYING] Oh, boy.
(PAUL) I'm sorry.
I think you get off on being miserable.
And when you're not miserable,
it feels like something's wrong.
Excuse me. I think that is disgusting.
[CHUCKLES]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Everett, were you divorced recently?
It was last July.
It was our 43rd wedding anniversary.
She said there were no surprises left.
What a thing to say.
After a lifetime together.
A lifetime of faithfulness
despite many urgent temptations.
No surprises.
I'm gonna be 72 soon.
And still, I'm amazed
that the women I meet seem so sure,
so certain, about getting involved.
You… you have no idea
how many women want you when you're getting old.
How many liver-spotted female hands reach out
to squeeze the last drops from your body
as they go about living longer than we do.
[CHURCH BELL TOLLING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Everett, with all due respect,
I don't think that's a very healthy attitude.
(WOMAN) Excuse us, gentlemen.
Divorced women's workshop meets 9:00 to 10:00.
[♫ MUSIC PLAYING]
(JESSICA) ♪ It's gonna be easy for you ♪
♪ for you ♪
♪ to do what you gotta do ♪
(CHORUS) ♪ it's gonna be easy ♪
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
♪ You've got it made ♪
Hi.
Marie?
Phil?
Well, I'm not disappointed.
The sitter isn't quite here yet.
Thank you.
Uh, napkin?
Oh, hi, loves. Come on in here.
Say hi to Mr. Potter.
Hi. Hi.
Phil.
Um, I like them to use last names with big people.
Phil. Hello.
(PHIL) Hello.
He doesn't wanna talk. I don't mind.
Hello.
Hi, what's your…
Uh…
[LAUGHS]
How old are you?
5.
Are you married?
He's funny, isn't he? You're very funny.
Nighty-night. Sleep tight.
Goodbye.
Oh, the kids loved you. You loved the kids.
Uh, you want some more wine?
(MARIE) ♪ It's gonna be easy for you ♪
♪ to do what you got to do ♪
♪ hold your head up high ♪
♪ you've got it made ♪
♪ it's gonna be ♪
There you go. Oh, excuse me.
Um, well, y-you like Boston?
A lot.
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
[DOOR OPENS]
(MARIE) Hi, you're late.
(BABYSITTER) Yeah, a little.
(MARIE) Well, I guess we're ready to go.
Listen, we shouldn't be too late.
Hi.
Uh, the restaurant we're going to,
uh, they specialize in duck.
Oh, duck. Great.
(BABYSITTER) I have to be home by 11:30.
(MARIE) You mean around 11:30.
No, 11:30 at the latest.
Yeah, we'll be back by then.
You have to be.
'Cause I have to be home no later than 11:30.
(MARIE) I said all right.
[DOOR CLOSES]
I went through a lot of depression after my divorce.
A lot.
But then I decided it's all how you look at it, you know?
'Cause most people only get one chance in life.
After a divorce, it's like starting another whole life
all over again.
So it's really a positive thing.
Except for the fact that the first life ended in disaster.
Um, you know what Marilyn said about you?
What?
No, I can't tell you.
OK.
I'd tell you, but I promised her I wouldn't,
so I can't tell you.
Marilyn said to treat you real good
because you were the biggest one she ever threw back.
[CHUCKLES]
Hmm.
I'm sorry.
I mean, if I didn't seem very attentive.
It's just that this is the first date that I've had
in 8 years.
Well, welcome back, honey. We sure can use you.
[PHONE RINGING]
(MARILYN) Hello.
Phil Potter here. You wanna have dinner tomorrow night?
No, I'm sorry.
Will you stop with that?
Do you wanna know the reason? No.
I went with a guy for 6 months who'd just been divorced
and I-I-I'd really rather not do that again.
I don't wanna be a nurse.
Look, I'm talking no romance.
Just dinner and drinks. No romance.
You think I don't want to. But…
did you hear what I said?
I just wanna have dinner with somebody.
Anybody. A person.
I'm not gonna touch you.
I might not even talk to you.
Sounds perfect.
Fine.
Bye.
[SIGHS]
Hi. Hi.
Nice to see you again.
You, too.
This is nice.
And safe.
Here, let me take your coat.
Well…
[CHUCKLES]
Uh, why don't… why don't we just sit down
and have some wine?
Hmm.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
I'm just so nervous for some reason.
Most of my stuff hasn't been that great,
if you want to know the truth.
I… I don't believe that.
I've been getting a lot of freelance work.
Where can I read something you've written?
On a plane.
My stuff is in those airline magazines, right behind the barf bags.
Oh.
I love those magazines.
Do you really?
I happen to be one of those people who reads them all the time.
I can't imagine a better job than that.
I was… I was thinking about maybe teaching.
Oh, that's… that's terrific.
I was gonna teach this course in creative writing at the junior college.
That's fantastic.
It doesn't pay much.
Oh, well, who cares? I know it doesn't pay.
It's rewarding. It is.
That's the thing about teaching.
It's rewarding.
Oh, you don't have kids, do you?
I get nervous sometimes about not having kids.
'Cause if you're over 35,
if you have your first baby, all your tubes fall out or something.
No, I'm just kidding. Really, it's not true.
Sounds horrible. I'm sorry I said that.
Anyway, I think I'm… I'm kind of adjusted to not having them.
Would you… would you like some more of this?
Did I eat some of that?
Yeah.
That's pudding. I hate pudding.
I wonder why I ate it.
Maybe you were so interested in me
that you didn't know what you were doing.
I knew that without the pudding.
Good night.
Would you like to come up?
If we're gonna kiss each other,
I think it'd be a good idea
if one of us closed our eyes.
You first.
OK.
[CHUCKLES]
God.
[SIGHS]
Don't be afraid to tell me what you want.
I think I'd like to say good night.
[SIGHS]
I know. I… I understand.
It's too much or it's too soon.
Or you don't like me enough.
Or you like me too much.
Or you're frightened, or you're guilty.
You can't get it up or out or in or what?
That just about covers it.
I never did like dating.
You wanna go out Friday night?
Saturday night?
Sunday afternoon?
Sunday night?
When you get to Wednesday, I'm busy.
God.
[SIGHS]
Why am I so sure I'm in big trouble here?
I'll see you Friday night.
[DOOR CLOSES]
(PHIL) Good night, Marilyn.
Good night, Potter.
You know,
a couple of weeks ago…
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] It'll keep.
(BARRY) It's not 9:00 yet.
I got an accutron right here.
It's not 9:00. You go ahead.
Don't let them stop you.
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
A couple of weeks ago, I met this girl.
A really nice girl. I like her a lot.
It's just that, for some reason…
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Some reason I've been avoiding going to bed with her.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
This is why it's good that we talk.
You know, we find out that we're
not as weird as we thought we were.
I felt the same way once.
You're afraid to open up. To care.
You end up questioning your ability
to love someone in a meaningful way.
[BANGING ON DOOR] Fuck off!
(WOMAN) Eat shit!
I think it's natural.
You still feel like you're married.
[♫ CHOIR SINGING]
(PAUL) Maybe she's special.
It's possible, you know?
Hi.
Hey.
How you doing?
Fine.
Oh, I'm sorry. I… I should have called.
I was outside and I… I just popped in.
I'll be going now.
I'll call next time before I come by.
Would you get in here?
There's nobody here.
Did you do all this for yourself?
Yeah.
Why not fuss for yourself?
Looks like something you'd read
in a book on how to be single.
Yeah. I think that's where I got it.
I got a job.
Really?
I'm gonna teach this course at a junior college and it…
do you mind if we talk about you and me?
Oh, please do.
I don't know how to put this without coming straight out.
I wish you would.
Well, I've got 2 things
that I just gotta get off my mind tonight.
One is I'm very nervous about teaching this class for the first time.
Why am I so sure that number 2 is the killer?
I wanna have sex with you.
Gulp.
I don't like the way you put that.
It makes me feel very strange.
I know. It did sound a little bit like Tarzan.
It's just that I was trying to avoid the whole romantic thing…
I don't like that, either. I hate that.
But can't you just personalize it a little?
I want to have sex with you, Marilyn?
I want to have sex with you, Marilyn.
I want to have sex with you, Potter.
[MOANS]
Take it easy. I-I'm not that good.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[CAR ENGINE STARTING]
I won't let anyone do that to me.
I just won't!
Will you get in the car?
Do you think I'm a one-nighter? Do you?
Will you get in the car before you…
I am no one-nighter. I'm a teacher!
I'm going for my master's!
I am no one-nighter!
Will you get in the car before you catch pneumonia?
And even if I have been, I won't be that for you.
I left you a note. I left you a note!
(MARILYN) You did not.
I left you a note.
Ah! And what did it say?
I'll see you tonight and I hope you understand.
How'd you sign it?
Best wishes for your continued success, Phillip Potter.
It's a joke!
Oh.
I'll see you tonight?
Yeah.
If you can avoid it,
I'd prefer you didn't act crazy anymore.
I think I could love this man.
Oh, God.
I… I… I…
I really didn't know that I was saying that.
It just came out. I-I'm really sorry.
Ew.
Just forget about it, ok?
I… I just… I… I just say that to all the boys.
I'm gonna go in now.
[MAN WHISTLING]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
[STUDENTS MURMURING]
Good morning.
(STUDENTS) Good morning.
I'm Phil Potter.
Uh, I'm gonna be right upfront with you
and tell you where I'm coming from.
Those are college expressions, aren't they?
I've never taught a class before.
I've never even taken a course in magazine writing.
As a matter of fact, I didn't graduate from college.
The next time we meet, I'd like you to bring a magazine article
that you find particularly interesting.
And we'll discuss it.
Um…
I'm looking forward to, uh, getting to know
each and every one of you individually.
And I'll, uh, see you all next Wednesday.
Uh, Mr. Potter. The class isn't over till 10:00.
Good.
That gives me a chance
to answer all your questions for the next, uh, 56 minutes.
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
I should've, uh, prepared more material for today.
From now on, I'll be able to gauge the time a little better.
Or I'll learn to talk very slowly.
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
Now, why did you… why did you do that?
Huh?
Does anybody here like to be hit?
(CHILDREN) No.
No, so what are we gonna do if we're angry?
Is it ok to be angry?
(CHILDREN) Yes. Yes, sure, it is.
Sometimes you're gonna be so angry,
you're gonna feel like hitting.
But you know what you can do instead?
You can do this.
[GRUNTING]
Try it.
[ALL GRUNTING]
(GIRL) I want to try it. Everyone, watch me.
Phil,
I have this… this little girl in school
I can't stop thinking about.
I'm worried that I'm really screwing her up.
She's really this clingy kid, you know,
and she's always throwing her arms around your neck or your legs.
I don't know. Maybe I should call her mother or something.
Oh, we're gonna have a carnival at school to raise money.
We have it every year.
It's a lot of fun. It's sort of fun.
I think you should come.
Well, if you feel like it and…
[MARILYN SCREAMS]
Aren't you a little old for this?
[MARILYN SCREAMS]
Apparently not.
Oh, this is gonna be a terrific picture.
You're gonna love this.
This insensitivity really bothers me.
Hmm.
It's a side of you I've never seen before.
Really? It's my best side.
This is gonna be all right.
It's starting to look pretty good now.
You can almost see a boob.
Would you stop it?
Are you crazy? Give me that.
Give it to me. No.
Look at this picture. We're talking penthouse here.
You wanna see it? You wanna see it? Look.
Oh, God.
Are you mad?
[SHOWER RUNNING]
Are you really mad?
You're mad.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank you.
It's Turkey time.
[ALL CHEERING]
It's beautiful.
Here, let me get that.
I didn't know that you could do…
Isn't that marvelous?
I know you want a leg, Victor.
Yeah.
Let's see if you know how to carve yet.
That is so lovely.
You two look so happy.
That's not happiness, that's afterglow.
Michael.
You know, somehow this place still misses, marva.
Here, take some of this.
When you get that sofa here,
it'll pull the whole room together.
What sofa?
I may have mentioned it.
I'm having trouble here, Victor, but I'll have it for you.
Here. Let me show you how to do it.
Wait a second.
Michael will help you,
but I don't know how much help he's…
will you stop? You never knew how to cut.
Let me show you how to…
You really do it quite well.
Will you cut it out?
[PHONE RINGING]
There you go, Victor.
My hands are clean. Honest.
Won't you get the phone, honey, please?
Hello. Yeah, who is it?
[ALL CHATTERING]
Phil, it's Jessica.
Go change your clothes.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
I think I did that very well.
How're you doing at school?
Are you ready to start your thesis yet?
It's harder than I thought.
Hi. How are you?
Fine. Fine.
Are you still, uh, staying at our place?
It's difficult being in school when you have a full-time
(PHIL) Fine… Job.
Yeah, I guess it has crossed my mind.
Well, I read an article where it said that
women returning to school do…
Not right now.
Incredibly well.
[PHIL WHISPERING] Come on, jessie. It's not us.
It's just the holidays.
I mean, everybody feels like that on a holiday.
(VICTOR) This is the best Turkey I ever had.
No, I'm not acting funny.
Listen, you picked the wrong time
to have a long conversation, jessie.
We're… we're just sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner.
Mick-Mickey, marva, Victor…
She says hi.
Hi.
Uh,
tomorrow, maybe we could talk. Yeah.
I told you.
Mickey, marva, Victor, and a friend of theirs.
Yeah.
Well, we… we… we could talk tomorrow.
OK.
So long, jessie.
(MICKEY) You know, this really looks delicious.
(MICKEY) You know, uh, the stuffing.
(MARVA) Oh, I know, I can't wait. I have, I haven't.
(MICKEY) Listen, um,
we're family.
And we're gonna get out of here right after dinner,
and give you two some privacy, hmm?
Hurry up and eat, Victor.
(VICTOR) You said I'm supposed to chew.
Don't chew.
(PHIL) Take your time, Victor.
Everybody can take their time.
If you'll excuse us for a moment.
Uh, Marilyn, would you like to take a walk?
[DOOR CLOSING]
We're gonna take a walk.
[SIGHS]
How could you call me a friend?
It's good that you got that out of your system.
Of theirs! Oh!
You have to learn not to hit.
So do you.
Oh, the hell with it.
If you're gonna be angry, just do like this.
[CHUCKLING]
[SIGHS]
Take your hands off me.
Put your hands on me.
I'm sorry I called you my friend.
You're not my friend. You're my…
[SIGHING]
Well, you're not my friend.
I don't know why I said that.
I do know why I said that.
It's because I'm nervous.
And I haven't talked to her in a long time.
And for some reason, when I got on the phone
I felt like I was cheating on my wife.
I know that was stupid.
That was really stupid of me.
But I know why.
It's… it's because it's Thanksgiving.
A-and the Turkey.
Listen,
before I met you,
I'd finally gotten to the point in my life
where I no longer thought
some man was gonna come along
and make this huge change.
I'd finally gotten to the point where
I liked being unattached.
I liked going to parties
and occasionally meeting some guy
who convinces himself real quick
that he's falling in love with you and…
Is it ok talking to you like this?
Almost.
You're great.
You are.
No, you are.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Then it's settled, huh?
No.
See, the reason
that I'm telling you all these intimate details
about my past is that
so much of the time with them,
I'd end up being tense.
And the part that I really liked best was
hearing the door click after they left,
and then I'd…
I'd breathe easier.
You,
you bastard.
[SIGHS]
I don't… Breathe right without you.
I just,
I just breathe right when you're here.
It scares the daylights out of me.
Oh, Jesus. I mean, who are we kidding here?
You're hung up on your ex-wife.
It's one of those.
[SIGHS]
I-I'd better just save my ass.
Goodbye.
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me
that you're breaking up with me?
I'm going to take you home now,
and I'm going to see you tomorrow night.
I'm busy.
You mean, I can't see you because I did one dumb thing?
One dumb thing.
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
[EXCLAIMS]
[MAN LAUGHING]
Good shot, Howard.
(MARILYN) Now tell your father to spend it all.
Spend it all.
Listen, I haven't seen the mothers throwing.
Let's see the mothers come in there
and this daughter.
(MARILYN) Jo, you have a good arm.
Now the parents seem to be taking all the balls.
I'm never going to get wet, kids.
[♫ MUSIC PLAYING]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
(MAN) The game is fixed. It's fixed, that's all.
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
[METALLIC CLANGING]
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
[ALL CLAPPING]
Good shot.
Anybody else have one? A ball?
Very good shot. Anybody else can do that?
OK, let's see who can…
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Why don't you give somebody else a chance?
Would you like a chance?
Uh, no… no, I'm having fun watchin'.
[LAUGHING]
Come on, kids.
I've seen you throw a lot better than this.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Cut it the fuck out!
(GABRIELLE) Mommy, she said the "f" word.
Uh, no, no, she didn't, honey.
It just sounded like she said it.
You handle this, ok?
Will you talk normally to me now?
I think the reason that you went berserk when Jessica called is that
you don't know where we stand.
If I'd have asked you to move in with me or something,
you would have been able to handle it.
So what do you think? Will you move in with me?
You can keep your apartment and everything.
OK. Are you sure?
Are you sure?
No.
OK, I'll see you later at…
How… how… how am I going to get in?
I… I don't have a key.
I told the super to let you in.
Oh, not quite being carried over the threshold,
but it'll do.
It's a good thing that I cleaned out
one of the drawers for you.
Can you, uh, duplicate this key?
Yes, sir.
Terrific.
Hi.
[CHUCKLES]
We were wondering what kept you.
Hi.
Uh, you've been here long?
Oh, about… about 3 hours?
Uh, longer, I think.
[CHUCKLING] What did keep you?
I walked home.
[MARILYN AND JESSICA LAUGHING]
I'm gonna finish unpacking.
OK.
I'll just be a few minutes.
Can you believe my timing?
Oh, yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
Are you staying long?
No, just tonight.
I'm staying at a hotel by the airport.
Listen, this isn't a logical visit.
I had an impulse to come here.
An impulse I've had before, by the way,
only this time I decided to follow it.
I figured it was time for one of us to be impulsive.
Though I'm sorry about the blouse.
I swear to God, I kept my coat on
for at least half an hour after I got here,
but she had the heat turned up.
Um, excuse me.
I'm sorry.
[WHISPERING] Why?
Are you all right?
[CHUCKLING] No.
I… I got to talk to her, you know.
I mean, I can't avoid her.
She seems like a very nice person.
Yeah.
There's not too much you can tell about someone
the very first time you meet them.
Except, of course, that she has pretty tits.
Hey.
Well, what do you do?
Carry that around for emergencies?
What is it?
Well, think of it as a housewarming gift.
[SIGHING]
It's a swell gift.
Thank you.
I think I'd better leave you two alone for a while.
[WHISPERING] Oh, you know, the hardest part for me
is walking through the hall and out the door.
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
Uh, I'm gonna just get out of your way for a little while.
You've been terrific. Thanks a lot.
(MARILYN) Goodbye.
[DOOR CLOSING]
(JESSICA) I didn't think it was gonna be this tough.
I did.
I had all these questions I was going to ask you
and now I don't feel like it.
Oh.
Well, that's all right, jessie.
I'll ask you some questions.
How are you doing?
You name it, I…
Professionally, things have really been…
oh, you're right.
I really don't want to hear about that.
Well, that's our choice here, Phil.
Answers we don't care about or questions we can't ask.
That's a nice phrase.
You're on your way to another song.
Would you give me a break?
This is kind of a rough afternoon.
What did you expect?
Oh.
You sprawled out on the sofa, suffering from malnutrition,
muttering my name.
[CHUCKLES]
You sure are a sight for sore eyes.
Well, how do I look, anyway?
As good as you wanted to look.
That good, huh?
That good.
We thought we'd take the car
and… and go get a cup of coffee.
If it's all right?
[CHUCKLES]
I'm, uh, studying for my master's.
You know, I always thought that the toughest thing about…
Oh, my coat.
Going back for your master's was,
[CHUCKLES]
Was getting used to being back in school again, you know,
I mean, just when you're at a point that you really…
you have your master's?
Yeah.
Hmm.
Your scarf.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks.
Ah.
Nice meeting you again.
You, too, you, too.
Bye-bye.
I'll walk you back. Oh, no, that's ok.
No, I'll walk you back.
OK.
I'm going to walk Marilyn back.
[CARS HONKING]
I'd ask you up,
but my roommate has an exam in the morning.
I'm just gonna drop her off at the motel.
I'll be right back.
(JESSICA) I just had to have some contact.
OK, so you're still mad at me.
(PHIL) Why should I be mad at you?
Because I went to bed with your boss and broke up our marriage.
Oh, that.
You're right, jessie. I am still mad at you.
Well, sure you are. It's natural.
This mad isn't natural.
I'm sitting here, trying not to hit you.
Maybe it would be good if you talked about it.
Jesus.
Would it help if I let you hit me in the arm or something?
Seriously, it might make you feel better.
I think if you gave me permission to hit you
in the arm and I did it,
it'd be the saddest day of my life.
[GRUNTS]
[PHIL AND JESSICA LAUGHING]
(JESSICA) Hi. Could you send up a bucket of ice, please? 923.
[♫ MUSIC PLAYING]
(JESSICA) ♪ Better than ever ♪
♪ I'm better than ever ♪
♪ you'll never go ♪ ♪ looking for anyone else ♪
♪ I needed some time ♪ ♪ till I found myself ♪
♪ and now I'm better than ever ♪
♪ I'll be better than ever ♪
I wrote this song for us.
♪ We'll never ♪ ♪ say goodbye again ♪
♪ throw off your ♪ ♪ shoes and come on in ♪
♪ say hello to an old romance ♪
♪ say hello to a second chance ♪
♪ where you been ♪ ♪ so long, my love? ♪
♪ come on back ♪ ♪ where you belong ♪
♪ you and me ♪
♪ together ♪
♪ better than ever ♪
♪ ah, this time forever ♪
♪ baby, ♪ ♪ I missed your tender touch ♪
♪ I been out on my own ♪ ♪ and I learned so much ♪
♪ come on, let me show you ♪
♪ ah, come on, let me hold you ♪
♪ don't be scared of ♪ ♪ what might come of this ♪
♪ I've been saving up ♪ ♪ all my tenderness ♪
♪ better than ever ♪
♪ it's got to be better ♪
♪ hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ better than ever ♪
♪ it's got to be better ♪
Have you lost your marbles?
Hey.
Look at us.
We're a couple.
Yeah.
There's something to be said for that.
Oh.
Does my putting
my hand on your shoulder make you react like that?
Just touching you makes you that excited?
Apparently.
[GROANS]
It's incredible.
I know.
It's… it's amazing, isn't it?
[MOANING]
Marilyn?
[PHONE RINGING]
- Hello. (PHIL) Hello.
Where are you? Home.
Your apartment?
Yeah, of course. What did you think?
I don't know. It was getting late.
I was beginning to worry.
I was afraid you weren't in an accident.
Get over here.
(MARILYN) You sure?
Will you get over here?
OK, I'll be right there.
[PHONE RINGING]
I'm sure.
[JESSICA SIGHING]
(JESSICA) Hi. I… I just wanted to say that
I'm… I'm… I'm very embarrassed by the way I behaved tonight and I,
well, I don't know quite what to say now, except
the thing about love is that
you can really make an ass of yourself.
Goodbye, Phil.
Goodbye, jessie.
I went to a bar the other night,
and a bunch of guys were sittin' around
watching the game on t.V.
And it was really great.
You know, y-you can forget how wonderful
male companionship can be.
My ex-wife came to see me.
(JERRY) The first time since you split?
Yeah.
(JERRY) Wow.
I wish I could forget about her.
(PAUL) Tell me about it. You know, my ex-wife
is talking about us getting married again.
This'll be the 4th time.
She thinks that this time, we should have a big wedding.
I think it's ridiculous
when there are people in our family
who don't even know we got divorced again.
(LARRY) For the first 6 months after Ellen and I split up,
I used to carry a coat over my arm
so she couldn't see what was going on with me.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
But it passes. You get rid of it.
Damn. That's a sad day,
when you can't imagine ever being in bed with her.
Marilyn's a wonderful girl.
She's got a great sense of humor.
She makes me laugh at the strangest times.
What did you and your ex-wife do when you were together?
Nothing much. Went for a drive.
And then I hit her on the arm.
Then we went into this snow bank
and we had to get towed out.
Went to a motel and she played this song for me
that she wrote about the two of us.
And I left.
(LARRY) Is that all?
I never wanted a woman so much in my life.
[HONKS]
(PAUL) You know, I… I have to work tonight
or I'd give you a lift.
(PHIL) It's ok.
I'll give you a lift.
Where are we going?
Uh, bloomingdale's. I'm gonna meet Marilyn.
Can I make one small suggestion?
Sure.
Forget about your wife and stay with Marilyn.
[CHUCKLES]
It's only a suggestion.
[MAN CHATTERING ON P.A. SYSTEM]
(WOMAN #1) But I want you to love it.
(MAN #1) I like it.
You just like it
because it's the same thing you have in your office.
What's wrong with my office?
It makes you feel like a grown-up.
This is a perfect sofa.
This is your basic perfect sofa.
Boy, it's hot in here, isn't it?
Phew.
(MARILYN) Is that a window?
No.
This is not a great night for me to be buying a sofa.
Why don't you just sit in it?
(SALESMAN) Watch out.
Once you sit in it, you won't want to get up.
[MAN CHATTERING ON P.A. SYSTEM]
[SIGHS]
(SALESMAN) See? What'd I tell you?
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
I was just about to panic.
[SIGHS]
[GROANING]
Mickey,
(MICKEY) Um.
I feel so stupid making you come down here.
I'm sorry.
Uh, don't worry about it.
(PHIL) Mickey, I'm feeling
[PHIL GASPING]
(PHIL) Much better now. You know, Mick,
I always loved, loved, loved dad.
Daddy, I always loved daddy.
You know I loved daddy?
Don't go overboard, you know?
He was a nice guy, but he died when you were 2.
(PHIL) Huh? It's just that I can't breathe.
Should I call an ambulance?
(MICKEY) No, no.
You know I'd never lie to you, right?
You don't have to tell me.
You don't have to tell me that, Mickey.
I know you wouldn't lie to me.
Right. I'm telling you you're ok.
You're full of shit. I can't breathe.
I swear, I'm ok.
[GASPING]
Does anyone have a valium?
Here, take this, take this. That's it.
All right? Take another one.
That's a yellow one, here.
OK.
Now, anybody got a paper bag?
You're having an anxiety problem, that's all.
Now when this paper bag comes,
I want you to put it over your mouth and nose,
and breathe normally,
and you'll be all right in a minute. Huh? There.
Now, just do what I tell you and…
Get me a regular bag.
Sorry, I'm… I'm a total schmuck.
Uh, no… no… no. Breathe normally. Breathe normally.
In. Out. In. Out.
That's a boy.
Now, you're gonna feel all right in a minute.
Now, when you wanna talk, just talk.
If you don't wanna talk, don't talk.
Mickey?
Uh-huh?
I'm starting to feel better.
Ah.
I just hyperventilated, right?
Exactly.
Now, you inhale your carbon dioxide,
and that's all there is to it.
Hey, how much longer do I have to do this?
You can stop anytime.
I think I'd like to stop now.
Go ahead, then.
[CHUCKLING]
(PHIL) I'm sorry, Marilyn.
(MICKEY) No, there's nothing to be ashamed of.
(PHIL) I'm sorry.
Sit up. That's it. Just sit up here.
(PHIL) All right. OK.
You gotta help me now.
Let's go.
Now, he's gonna be all right, you know?
It's anxiety, that's all.
He's perfectly all right now.
You're buttoning that wrong.
I don't care.
Here, let me do it.
Don't button my shirt.
It makes me feel like a kid.
Well, what do you care? Huh?
If you're gonna button it, button it right. All right?
Thank you for buttoning my shirt.
Eh, what the hell.
I love you.
Hey, uh,
give me a ring tomorrow?
Yeah. Are you an early riser?
Yeah.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah.
[PEOPLE MURMURING]
You were wonderful.
[MAN CHATTERING ON P.A. SYSTEM]
(PHIL) I'm sorry.
I have to see Jessica.
[WOMAN CHATTERING ON P.A. SYSTEM]
(PHIL) Let me help you.
(MARILYN) No, it's all right.
I'll just have to make a few trips.
Just leave everything. I'll take care of it.
Oh, thanks very much.
It's all right.
I want you to do something for me.
Sure.
You won't let me down?
I won't let you down.
That's true enough.
In a weird sort of way, you're an honorable guy.
OK, don't see me again.
All right.
No, I wanna be sure. Don't answer too quick.
We're talking about a commitment here, you know?
I want you to swear that if,
if things don't work out with this other lady, or
any other other lady, you don't just
hit the old phone book and come up with my number.
You think I'd do that?
Yes, I do.
It scares me you don't know that.
OK, I said I wouldn't.
I want you to swear on your brother's life.
Oh, God.
No, I… I want it. That's what I want.
Would you do that, please?
I swear on my brother's life I… I won't call you again.
Never.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
[CHUCKLES]
No! No! God, are you kidding me?
[CRYING]
Goodbye.
(MARILYN) Would you please leave?
Oh, welcome home.
It's really good to see you, Mr. Potter.
♪ Isn't it good? ♪ ♪ We can relax this time ♪
♪ glad you came back ♪ ♪ while I'm still in my prime ♪
♪ you're lookin' better ♪ ♪ than you did before ♪
♪ and I'm glad ♪ ♪ you kept the keys ♪
♪ to your favorite front door ♪
♪ starting over ♪
♪ it feels like ♪ ♪ the first time tonight ♪
♪ we're gonna do it, baby ♪
♪ do it till we get it right ♪
♪ no one's been lyin' ♪ ♪ on your side of the bed ♪
♪ I've just been sleepin' ♪ ♪ with my songs instead ♪
♪ looks as though ♪ ♪ you lost a pound or 2 ♪
♪ don't worry, babe ♪
♪ I'll put some ♪ ♪ weight back on you ♪
♪ starting over ♪
♪ feels like ♪ ♪ the first time tonight ♪
♪ we're gonna do it, baby ♪
♪ do it till we get it right ♪
♪ the way that ♪ ♪ you're lookin' at me ♪
Isn't it silly? I'm scared.
♪ Scared ♪
♪ that's not how ♪ ♪ I thought it would be ♪
♪ I spent the morning ♪ ♪ getting perfectly dressed ♪
♪ so you could take off ♪
♪ all the clothes ♪ ♪ you like best ♪
♪ you've forgotten ♪ ♪ you're in for a treat ♪
♪ but try and remember ♪ ♪ I like everything neat ♪
♪ do it, baby ♪
♪ do it till we get it right ♪
It's a little strange being back together again, isn't it?
Strained?
Strange.
I should be a little more direct with you.
You know, when we made love last night…
I know what you're gonna say.
You don't have to say it.
I had a vaginal orgasm.
(MARVA) Marilyn.
Marilyn.
I can't keep on making excuses.
He wants to meet you.
I'm coming.
Well, it's getting embarrassing.
He knows you're in here.
At least go meet him.
There's no way we're gonna like each other.
Oh, just because he's a professional athlete?
I don't think I'm what he's looking for.
Marilyn. Marilyn.
(MARVA) Come on.
Marilyn, this is John morganson.
Hello.
Good to meet you.
(MARILYN) Same here.
[CHUCKLING]
What is it?
No, no, no, it's nothing.
I'm sorry.
She's had a tough time recently.
John-John's used to strange reactions.
We went into it when he was my patient.
No, it wasn't him.
It has to do with a… a tension
people feel over the disparity in height.
And there's a… there's a sexual element…
There's… there's a sexual element. It has to…
No, I'm sorry.
You know, with everything else,
uh, people feel:
"Is everything on such a grand scale?"
And is it?
Yes.
What kind of coffee do you want?
Colombian's good.
Well, if you want Colombian, we might as well get folgers.
Costa Rican is terrific.
I don't want Costa Rican.
Why not?
I don't know why.
Maybe because I don't know where Costa Rica is.
It seems like you should know where it is
before you drink their coffee.
Why don't you tell me some countries bordering Costa Rica,
and I'll drink their coffee the rest of my life?
That one may have been my fault.
That's ok.
We're not exactly doing terrific, are we?
Yeah, but that's ok, too.
I mean, that's why we're probably better off this time
because we don't need terrific anymore.
Are you crazy?
I'm not the crazy one.
Can we stay out of this?
I need terrific. I need wonderful.
I need love.
I need a half a pound of potato salad
and a loaf of rye bread, please.
Just relax, will ya?
Panama and Nicaragua border Costa Rica.
What is going on with you anyway?
It just occurred to me
that this might all be about what's her name.
I'm sorry.
I owe you more than that.
I know her name.
It's Marilyn.
Marilyn holmberg, isn't it?
5' 7", 125 pound Marilyn holmberg.
And isn't that what all this is about?
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
I was hoping it wasn't.
I was hoping it wasn't what I thought it would be.
♪ I'm findin' myself ♪
♪ and you're losin' me ♪
[♫ CHOIR SINGING]
(EVERETT) Ho, ho, ho.
Look, I don't exactly expect thanks
for arranging this party
but, uh, I'd like to see
what you could do for $5 a man.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
It's ok. We're just comparing our worst christmases.
Paul, I hate to drag you away from the party.
Do you mind giving me a lift?
(EVERETT) I can give you a lift.
(JERRY) We could actually pile into my car.
(DAN) One week's notice, $5 a man,
and they expect a mardi gras.
Uh, you wanna leave now?
(PHIL) If you don't mind.
Sure.
I'm gonna miss you guys.
Same here, Phil.
You look like you feel great.
(BARRY) What's your secret?
Marilyn?
Yeah.
[CHUCKLING] Yeah.
[DOOR CLOSING]
[RATTLING]
(STEPHANIE) Are you gentlemen finished?
No.
But perhaps you'd care to join us?
We're having a little party.
[STEPHANIE WHISPERING] They're asking us to come down and join them.
[WOMAN WHISPERING] I think that would be nice to go.
I don't know, they weren't yelling or anything.
They seem perfectly normal and decent.
Yes.
Yeah, let's do it.
(CHORUS) ♪ Joy to the world ♪
♪ the lord is come ♪
♪ let earth receive her king ♪
♪ let every heart ♪
♪ prepare him room ♪
♪ and heaven and nature sing ♪
Hi.
♪ Joy to the world ♪
My name is Stephanie.
And this is Barry.
I'm Larry.
Dan.
Jerry.
And I'm Everett.
(PAUL) But if she hasn't talked to you yet…
It'll mean a lot to her.
She's gonna love it. It's symbolic.
(PAUL) But what's it mean?
(PHIL) I don't know.
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
Marilyn. It's me, Phil.
(PHIL) I bought the couch!
[PHONE RINGING]
(MARILYN) Hello.
Hello. Oh, great.
Listen, I know I promised I wouldn't call you,
but this is important.
(MARILYN) This is Marilyn. I just got this thing.
I hope it works,
because I'm not here right now.
So if you just leave a message
before you hear the beep, I'll hopefully get it.
Marilyn, this is Potter.
I… I have my… m-m-my life
kind of in… I-in… in the right place right now.
And I… I don't…
beep.
You don't even know if she'll be there.
Marva told me that she goes to all his practice sessions.
But she didn't give you any sign
she was even willing to listen to you.
The sofa is going to mean a lot to her. I know her.
When she sees the sofa, everything is gonna be ok.
How can you be so sure?
I'm not.
I know.
It's not easy out here.
It's hard to find someone you can really count on.
But one thing you can be sure of.
You don't have to worry about a bug, a rat, or a roach
as long as you live.
[COACH YELLING]
No, no, really, really. Stop.
Stop.
(MARILYN) Stop.
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
(JOHN) Hey, Marilyn. Hey, sweet stuff.
I have a team meeting.
I'll come see you later.
(MARILYN) No, no, I mean it.
Really, really, no.
Look, Potter, I'm sorry if it hurts you.
And you'll always be very, very special to me.
But I'm over you.
You can't be.
Why?
Because you got me in trouble,
and now you got to marry me.
Look. Just do me a favor.
Don't you just come in here and sweep me off my feet.
Just talk to me.
I'm sorry.
I know we got a lot to talk about.
All I've thought about is you for the last 6 weeks.
I'm really
excited that you… you… you proposed to me.
[CRYING] I don't know what to do.
Do whatever you wanna do.
We can go slower.
What do you want?
Oh, I want us to live together.
I want us to get married.
I want us to have kids and watch 'em grow up.
I want us to put our teeth in the same glass at night.
I want us to be buried in a family plot
with the same headstone.
What do you want?
I want a separate glass for my teeth.
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
If I don't touch you soon,
I'm gonna go out of my mind.
Ah.
Oh.
[LAUGHS]
Oh. Oh.
This is the best hug I ever had in my life.
You got the couch.
♪ Better than ever ♪
♪ I'm better than ever ♪
♪ you'll never go ♪ ♪ looking for anyone else ♪
♪ I needed some time ♪ ♪ till I found myself ♪
♪ and now I'm better than ever ♪
♪ I'll be better than ever ♪
♪ we'll never say ♪ ♪ goodbye again ♪
♪ throw off your shoes ♪ ♪ and come on in ♪
♪ say hello to an old romance ♪
♪ say hello to a second chance ♪
♪ where you been so long, ♪ ♪ my love? ♪
♪ come on back ♪ ♪ where you belong ♪
♪ you and me ♪
♪ together ♪
♪ better than ever ♪
♪ this time forever ♪
♪ baby, ♪ ♪ I missed your tender touch ♪
♪ I've been out on my own ♪ ♪ and I've learned so much ♪
♪ better than ever ♪
♪ I'm better than ever ♪
♪ I'm a top lover ♪
♪ I'm better than ever ♪