THE MURDERER LIVES...
at No. 21
- Here's to the barman! - Thank you.
Ernest... the door!
It wasn't me. It opened by itself.
We should fix that.
It's not good to drink. It can make you sick.
But sometimes, it's okay.
It makes you happy and cleans the kidneys.
- Am I right? - Sure.
Even if I was wrong, I'd be right today.
Because it's not an ordinary day. It's a special day.
Right, Baroness?
Crème de menthe!
Pardon, Marquise.
- What do I owe you? - 22 Muscadets: 66 francs.
Take it from this.
I doubt we have change for 5,000 francs.
Wait, I have smaller ones!
- Who's that? - He won the lottery.
He's been flaunting his cash around all day.
Lucky guy!
- Where did you buy the ticket? - I didn't buy it.
Some guy gave it to me for opening a door.
What an idiot!
- What will you do with the money? - First, I'll buy some shoes.
I've worn rope shoes for 10 years.
I like sandals... they're comfy and they're quiet too.
Sure, Duchess, but they tire the feet.
I'm off. It's past baby's bedtime.
- Far to go? - To Jaurès.
Watch out for Mr. Durand!
- Who? - The murderer.
- You believe in that farce? - Four murders in one month.
So they say.
I think it's just a stunt to sell newspapers.
If Durand is so clever, why does he always leave his card?
Leaving by yourself?
- You want to be my nanny? - I'm well equipped.
Sorry, I've been weaned.
Good evening!
- Taxi! - Where are you going?
- Jaurès? - Not me!
The Prefect is here.
- Morning, Minister! - Edouard.
As bad as that? It's always bad when you call me Edouard.
- Edouard... - Again?
- This is serious! - You mean Mr. Durand?
- Measures must be taken. - Yes, but which?
You must arrest him.
- I'd like to. - And?
He doesn't let me.
This can't go on. You have 2 weeks to nab him, or else...
- I'm gone. - Quietly.
Goodbye... Albert.
- Mr. Director, please come in. - Hello, Prefect.
- How's the Durand case? - About the same.
That's not good, but I'll be generous...
You have one week to catch him, or else...
- I'll resign. - For health reasons, of course.
Good day, Mr. Prefect.
If Durand isn't arrested in 4 days, I'll beat you up!
Yes, sir.
- You've no time to waste! - No, sir.
Is Wens in his office? Yes, Chief.
If Durand isn't caught in 2 days, I'm fired. Wens.
Patient...
yet prudent.
How wonderful to be an impresario!
You're like a gardener...
a pile of manure warming tender shoots.
And I'm the vine reaching for the sky.
I need support.
I'm like America before Columbus... I'm waiting.
For what?
To be discovered... Christopher.
You need a job?
Well, I was considered for Figaro.
As Cherubino. What a beautiful role!
Up through 3 octaves; I hit the 4th.
They said I was too good. Just my luck!
Just as I had my foot in the door...
It slammed shut.
I have talent.
I'm just holding it back.
But when it comes out, It will explode.
Please give me a chance. You won't regret it.
I'd like to, but...
Has someone been telling lies about me?
First the idle rumour...
You see? I can go high or low at will.
That's hardly genius.
But others can't do it, and they get hired.
Yes, but they have...
What do they have?
Oh, I see...
You dirty old man! You're barking up the wrong tree.
My talent isn't for the casting couch!
They have...!
- A name! - What?
They have a name. That's what people want.
This Mr. Durand, for example. There's a name for you!
He would fill the theaters.
I'd sign him in a minute!
Do you mean...
if my name were in the papers, you'd sign me?
In a flash!
See you tomorrow.
- Well? - I got hired!
Well, in principle.
- There's just one formality. - What?
I have to arrest Mr. Durand.
- Just that? - What do you mean?
You're making fun of me... with your irony.
You're afraid I'll show you up!
- No, but I pity Mr. Durand. - Right! He's in trouble.
- Where are you going? - To start my inquiry.
- Every man for himself? - See you at the finish line.
- The pay? - In the office in 5 minutes.
100,000 francs... that would buy a lot of casseroles.
- Furnishing your kitchen? - Not for me... for Germaine.
Some wives have a thing about clothes.
With Germaine it's casseroles, unbreakable china ones.
- I bought her a small one. - What happened?
Before we could even use it...
it fell and broke into pieces.
Well, I'm off.
Germaine must be getting impatient.
Marital duty?
With Germaine, it's a pleasure.
Get your hands off me!
Take that!
I want to see the sergeant. I don't deal with subordinates.
First, I must say I adore Paris policemen.
But not these two! They're thugs.
Because they've nothing better to do than pounce on poor little me.
- I didn't do anything. - Cycling without lights.
Do you expect me to do my rounds all lit up?
- Your rounds? - Looking for Mr. Durand.
Like St. Genevieve, I'm defending Paris.
- What? - Learn your geography!
- You had no lights on? - So Durand wouldn't see me.
It's no reason to arrest a defenseless girl.
- Look what we found! - I have to defend myself.
- Where did you get this? - It was a gift.
- From whom? - Santa!
This is a police revolver. You'll sleep here tonight!
Oh, no! I'm a singer! What if I catch a cold?
My friends will make fun of me.
Please, call my friend!
- Screw your friend! - You don't know who he is.
I don't care if he's the Pope!
I'm not sleeping with the Pope! I'm prudent, religious too.
My friend is Inspector Vorobietchik. Call headquarters, you'll see.
- At this hour? - He always works late.
While I knit shoes for a baby... if he's capable of making one.
When he was on the throne, up high, up high
When he was on the throne, he then began to sing
I piss on all policemen
Up high, up high
I piss on all policemen
And the entire constabulary
- Meaning me? - Who else?
No other cops about, I hope.
You're lucky, I'm off duty. What are you doing up there?
- Waiting for the bus. - The bus?
The F.U.
The bus won't stop for you there.
If I were you, I'd climb down.
- I'm looking for something. - What?
My matchbox... The light's better up here.
- Do you think I'm a... - Yes, a big fat one!
You're so ugly, you disgust me.
"Isn't he awful, Madame?"
- I feel sorry for your wife. - What!
She must be in good shape to keep up with a porker like you!
I'll teach you!
Calm down!
Let's go! You're going to pay for making me come back.
- What's going on? - He's drunk.
Just take it easy. Get me Odéon 4380.
- Police headquarters? - I want to talk to the Chief.
- You'll talk to my boot! - How rude of you.
I have something to tell the Chief, a personal message.
The Chief? That's me.
Mr. Wens!
- If it's not... - Jean Baptiste.
- You old crook! - You remember me.
Four years ago, I found two diamond bracelets on you.
Family heirlooms.
- And a miniature. - My great-grandmother's.
- You had a mustache. - Suited me, didn't it?
Shaved it off for a blond, who was really a brunette.
Women!
Can we talk in private?
So now you go around insulting policemen?
Insult him? I only called him a porker.
With your past, you could get 2 weeks.
I hope so. It's not much time and I'd be safe.
From what?
- Safe from accidents. - You're afraid of someone?
Yes, because I'm here to give you an address.
A good address... Mr. Durand's.
That's nice of you.
I mean I'll give it to you... for a price.
Why didn't you just walk into the station?
I didn't want to end up dead with a card on my belly.
If we nab Durand, why worry?
Not so fast.
I know where he lives, but not who he is.
A boarding house on Ave. Junot, "Les Mimosas".
The murderer lives there, No. 21.
- How do you know? - Simple.
I've gone straight. I'm in the junk business now.
Two days ago, the lady called me to collect some things from the attic.
I loaded it up and took it home to sort out.
In an old chest of drawers, an old ugly one...
What do I see?
Nice business cards with the name...
Mr. Durand.
So?
Don't you get it?
I'm a bit off tonight.
Durand lives there, but in case they search his room...
he hides his cards in the attic, where they could be anyone's.
Do you have the cards?
I've lost them!
- Are these the ones? - That's funny!
- They were under a street light. - That's lucky. How about my money?
I could wait and get a search warrant...
but Durand would flee and you wouldn't get any money.
- Bad idea. - But I'm covered.
Or you could keep quiet, don't say anything...
and let me quietly lead my investigation.
I prefer that.
You trust me?
Because you're like my sister. You both love your work.
- What does she do? - She's a madam in Clermont.
If I'm not back in 2 days, take this letter to headquarters.
- Where are you going? - I'm not saying.
I'll pester you until you do.
Tell me and I'll be good all week.
I'm going to the seaside, to walk the dog.
- You don't have a dog. - I'll buy one.
- Are you pulling my leg? - A bit.
I won't let you go. I'll bolt the door.
I'll go out the window.
If you leave, I'll buy a mink coat.
Where are you going?
What?
- Are you sick? - Mute.
Where are my pajamas?
I'll sleep naked.
So that's it! There's another woman!
You're too smart!
- No soap or toothbrush, then. - I don't care.
She probably doesn't either.
She must be a real pig. Suits you just fine!
Mila, why are you being so nasty?
Because I love you. If I didn't, I wouldn't be jealous.
You're not jealous, you're nagging.
I've got a mean streak, but I'm a nice person.
- Tell me where you're going? - I'm going to be working.
- You found a lead? - I hope so.
You're so clever. My fox has a lead!
- Will it be dangerous? - No.
So brave, that's what I love about you.
Will you think of me when you're dead?
May your last thoughts be of me, because I've always loved you.
Up there, you won't find anyone like me.
Don't make such a face. Goodbye, darling.
Have you thought of a will?
- Your canary sings well. - That was me whistling.
He doesn't want to learn.
Maybe he's mute.
Ferdinand? He has a great voice.
But he uses it sparingly.
Did you hear that, Ferdinand?
Now, make an effort!
Armand!
Go help Juliette with the beds, and stop your whistling!
This is a boarding house, not a prison, so shut your mouth!
- But Mrs. Point... - It's annoying!
- He's preparing an act. - It's the beds that need preparing.
Were you in the attic last night? I heard footsteps.
Not me, I sleep like a log.
I'll figure it out. Was it you, Mr. Colin?
No, I had a busy day selling. I fell straight asleep.
You left your light on. And I pay the electricity.
- Anything new? - They wanted you upstairs.
Trouble?
Miss Cuq wouldn't leave the bathroom.
Dr. Linz wanted in. He made a big fuss.
Miss Cuq can defend herself.
There she is. The siege is over.
Good morning, how is everyone?
Forgive me, but I must get to work.
That's alright... when inspiration calls.
It's not inspiration. We writers need concentration.
I concentrate every day from 9 to 12 and 4 to 7.
It's the discipline.
There's a package for you: "Return to sender".
- One of your manuscripts. - Heart's Awakening, rejected.
Don't cry. Maybe it was too concentrated.
- Not many new lodgers recently. - Pity, I love new housemates.
Naturally, you think you have a chance with them.
But Doctor, I'm a real maiden.
Real maidens don't spend an hour in the bathroom.
You must have been spying on me.
You think I looked through the keyhole?
Maybe.
I've never found ancient ruins an attractive sight.
I'll have a whiskey, Mrs. Point.
At 9 a.m.
- What? - Just thinking aloud.
A man's free to think, no?
You thinking? That'll be the day!
A whiskey for No. 17.
I won't be insulted by some petty salesman.
- I served 25 years in the bush. - So you tell us 20 times a day.
Stop arguing and give me a light.
May I?
Professor, always there for me. You want breakfast?
All I want is to kiss your rosy fingertips.
- No hot chocolate? - If you insist.
- Hot Chocolate for No. 14. - With cream.
I'd like to know who was in the attic last night.
- Did I wake you? - It was you, Professor?
- Yes, and I'll never forgive myself. - What were you doing up there?
Well, this may sound silly...
but I also heard footsteps.
I found it so intriguing...
I simply had to go up.
- Then what? - Then...
Not a soul.
You had a nightmare. You shouldn't eat so much.
It's Mrs. Point's fault. She's an excellent cook.
A gentleman to see you.
- In my office? - No, Madame.
He is here.
- Sorry, if I frightened you. - No, Pastor...
I just wasn't expecting you.
In Montmartre, you're much more likely to meet a whore.
- I meant a "lost soul". - I understood.
- Can I help you? - I'd like a room.
I only have double rooms.
- So? - I thought a pastor...
might find that shocking.
We're not celibate.
I've been married 9 years. We're expecting our 8th child.
- Goodness! - It's normal.
- I wouldn't know. I'm a maiden. - Congratulations.
Possibly.
- You're visiting Paris? - For a conference.
They sent you here?
No, it was chance. Providence, if you will.
A Providential chance.
I was passing, reading my Bible, when I read these words:
Knock, and it shall be opened to you. So I knocked.
A man answered, crowing like a cock...
and led me in with the nightingale's song.
- That was Armand. - The manservant.
- He's preparing an act. - Naturally.
Let me introduce you.
- Mr. Colin... - A humble craftsman.
- Dr. Linz... - Colonial Service, retired.
- Miss Cuq... - A maiden lady.
And our star guest... Professor Lalah-Poor.
- A scholar? - An artiste...
A master of manipulation.
- Do you value your wedding ring? - My wife does.
He turned Mrs. Point's ring into a flat-iron.
I'll be careful.
I may even try to discover his tricks.
If it amuses you.
One must not focus on what is seen, but on what is not seen.
Hot chocolate.
Whiskey.
- A whiskey, Pastor? - No, thank you.
So you can have children, but not whiskey?
I can, but I only drink my own.
I know the colonies well. Where were you?
- The middle of nowhere. - Where exactly.
- I moved around. - So did I. We can reminisce.
If you return from hell, you prefer to forget.
No one ever returns from hell. Cheers!
I'll show you to your room. No. 13, if you don't mind?
Perfectly natural. I'm not superstitious.
I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Robert Lester...
I try to help people find salvation.
I'm at your service.
If you receive this letter, it means I am dead.
Certain clues lead me to believe that the murderer we're after...
lives at "Les Mimosas", 21 ave. Junot. Yours posthumously, Wens
Do you mind if I read while you whistle?
Go ahead... so long as you're quiet. I can't stand noise when I work.
- Neither can I. - Right.
I'll go to my room, then.
If anyone makes any noise, let me know.
We don't tolerate noise in this house.
You are beautiful.
You exaggerate, but I was a beautiful baby.
A boarder?
Don't you recognize him? That's Kid Robert.
It's shocking to see him in such a state.
- I thought he was dead. - He might as well be.
A blind boxer is useless.
Did you see him fight?
The women loved it when he took off his robe.
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.
That's true.
Oh, it's you, Pastor.
I'm sorry...
- Wrong door. - Do come in!
I hate to intrude.
I like a bit of conversation...
and I rarely get spoiled that way here.
These are trousers for my figures. As you see, I make dolls.
You've noticed. They don't have faces.
That's my gimmick.
I used to order stupid faces.
I hated putting them on my dolls.
Then one day, I got an idea...
Mr. Durand, the faceless killer.
Why not make Durand with a ball instead of a head?
The retailers wanted me to add a question mark, but I refused.
The emptiness is far scarier. It's unknown.
I make Durands who shoot, stab or strangle.
Horrible, but it pays.
And I could use it because life hasn't been kind to me.
When I say life, I mean people.
People can be so cruel.
Take this place, for example.
Miss Cuq is harmless, but Dr. Linz...
He's done time.
He was charged with abortion 3 years ago. Nice fellow, eh?
At least we know who he is.
Lalah-Poor is different... a complete mystery.
He hasn't worked in months. So what does he live on?
It's a mystery, a sinister one, believe me.
Some say he pays Mrs. Point in a different way.
I don't know. But I do know Mrs. Point.
Matters of the flesh may interest her, but she prefers money.
But I shouldn't speak badly of my neighbors.
Quite right, Mr. Colin. Charity above all.
Oh, I forgot Kid Robert and his nurse.
Next time.
Come in, Pastor.
Make yourself at home.
Sorry, wrong room.
It's fine.
Nice to see you!
Come in!
The show's starting.
I'm the famous Lalah-Poor!
One day my father disappeared. He went into a box and vanished.
Who did they find in his place?
- Lalah-Poor... Believe it or not. - I believe you.
Come look at my things. What do you think?
- You collect empty frames? - No, paintings.
It used to be a Vuillard sketch, but I made it disappear.
Like the lampshade and the telephone cord.
Hello, anyone there?
He vanished too.
Objects in my hand just disappear.
I scare myself sometimes, though I'm easygoing.
- I like everybody. - Even the boarders here?
Especially them.
You're lucky. It's rare to find such decent folk.
Colin, for instance, may seem a little grumpy at first...
but he's top drawer.
And Miss Cuq...
- Read anything of hers? - No.
Ask her for a manuscript. She has style.
I'd even say a style.
Dr. Linz... You really have to admire him.
But I was told...
Ah yes, that affair. They were right to tell you.
Not many men would risk their career for an unhappy woman.
We should be proud to share the same roof with him.
Well, let me thank you for your visit.
Oh, I forgot to return your wallet.
- An innocent prank. - Well played.
Oh, I forgot...
Here's your wallet.
I'm sorry, wrong room.
Perfectly natural.
- How is the new lodger? - She'll be right down.
And the Pastor? Here I am.
Sit on my right, Pastor.
Hear, ye people! The Lord is witness against you.
The faithful city has become a whore!
It had been righteous, but now it has murderers.
But darkness will not reign forever on earth...
with its anguish.
Thus sayeth the Lord...
I will spurn my adversaries and avenge my enemies.
They shall drink the wrath of my anger.
They shall burn together, and no one shall quench them.
Amen!
How cute!
You have good lungs!
- Very impressive! - Mr. Colin should know.
These gentlemen used to give concerts for us.
You sang?
- No, I merely scraped my violin. - Scraped is right!
Doctor, I've never criticized your cello playing!
Won't you all accompany me?
Unfortunately, Dr. Linz and I don't see eye to eye musically.
I'm sorry, because you have a ravishing voice.
It's a pleasure to meet people who know music.
My friend never lets me sing.
- Doesn't he like your voice? - Him? He's a fool.
- What does he do? - He's a show off.
All he can do is hawk peanuts!
Poor child.
- You can't expect anything from men. - Not at your age.
Your goose is cooked. I'm yet to be plucked.
Really?
Anyway, I've found a way to stop publishers from rejecting me.
- You're giving up writing? - No, I'm writing a thriller.
I have a great idea for the setting, something original.
A haunted castle, can't you see it? Sweating walls, the sound of chains.
Oh, sure.
But I'd prefer somewhere else.
Why not set it in a restaurant?
A man eating soup with a knife in his back.
Or better yet, why not in a small hotel?
Or an apartment, or...
A music hall.
- I prefer my haunted castle. - You'd be at home there.
The detective is what matters.
- He could be an elderly doctor. - That's boring!
He should wear a uniform. Like an officer...
a priest...
a postman.
Anyway, my killer will be a vampire, from Düsseldorf.
A vampire?
It's not my day!
I'm just being frank. Who ever heard of a man sucking blood?
I'd have him kill for money. It's more natural.
And forget this Düsseldorf business. Call him Dupont...
or Dubois, or...
Dooley!
- Why not Durand? - Good idea.
Not again! He's always going on about Mr. Durand.
Mr. Durand is a great man.
He's a horrible monster!
Because he kills off some low-lifes?
I only wished he used a machine gun, dynamite, and toxic gas.
You justify murder?
Murders... Durand is a serial killer.
He robs his victims.
They misuse their money.
You're an anarchist!
And you're a fool.
Durand exists for people like you.
You should be his next victim.
How nice of you, but Durand will be caught by then.
By the police? Durand is too smart for them.
- If God exists, he'll be caught. - That's a big if.
I hope you don't doubt it.
The Pastor is with me. Durand will be caught.
He will be damned for certain. He already is.
And he's proud of it.
Dr. Linz, you know so much about Durand.
- Are you a friend of his? - A friend? No.
- Could you be Mr. Durand? - Think what you want!
- You're not Durand. - How do you know?
Because Mr. Durand... is me!
I'll prove it.
Watch me carefully!
It's dead.
That's why I'm Durand.
Excuse me, Professor, but that's not funny.
I'm sorry dear friend, but it makes me laugh.
Wait I've found my story, thanks to this young lady.
The setting is a boarding house, Les Mimosas.
Mr. Durand is one of you.
The detective sneaks in, disguised as a cleric.
- Forgive me, Pastor. - Go right ahead.
The first chapter is taken up by conversation, as now.
But immediately afterwards, when everyone has gone to bed...
there is a murder... a fine, bloody murder.
Blood, blood!
- Let it flow. - Rivers of blood!
Stop it, you fools! You're unleashing evil forces.
What's got into you?
Nothing, but mark my words:
Tragedy will strike tonight.
Help me, Vania.
Midnight and no news from your Inspector.
No sign of him. Vorobietchik has disappeared.
For good.
Unless we find him dead.
Who? ...Put him on.
Yes, who is this? ...Who?
Mr. Durand.
Send your men to Les Mimosas. That's where I live.
You'll find a new corpse there.
He hung up.
Listen!
Here is the correct time.
At the fourth stroke, it will be 12:13 a.m.
I got him!
Wens, my darling! Wake up! Snap out of it!
Help!
Open up!
Call the doctor!
- What happened? - I think I killed him.
- I'm sure he's dead. - Who?
- My darling Wens! - It's the Pastor!
Bring him back, Saint Anthony. Don't let him die.
Poor girl.
Someone's at the door.
Armand, get the door!
Can't you hear someone's ringing?
I'll see what's up!
Police. Where's the body? Wasn't someone killed here?
You know already?
Stay here. You, too.
Good God, Wens!
It was me, Mr. Monnet. I killed him.
What's this?
I thought he was going to attack me.
Do you mind?
He's just unconscious.
- What are you doing? - Getting water to revive him.
Doctor, this newspaper with Durand's name cut out was found in your room.
This is Colin's newspaper.
I never lock my door. You took it to frame me.
The victim was stabbed with a lancet from this case.
- Yes. - Your case!
- But someone took it. - Who?
You're accusing me?
Well, you did ask to see my instruments this afternoon.
No, you insisted on showing them to me.
I thought you were a fool, but you're a pathetic tartuffe.
Try to deny it, but we have Kid Robert's testimony.
Durand called the Prefect at 12:10 a.m.
3 minutes later they heard a man limping up the stairs.
Only you limp here.
It's a plot against me!
Get dressed. You're coming with us.
Just a second!
- You're alive? - Yes, thank God.
I came to just in time to hear your interrogation.
What a lesson! What genius!
Durand's not that smart. We simply acted promptly.
Too promptly.
I've never seen such observation, so much skill, only to make...
a mistake.
- A mistake? - Yes, a glaring mistake.
Though your reasoning was still beautiful.
I'll forgive you due to the knock on your head.
But Durand and the Doctor are the same person.
Take him away, then.
- Well? - You think I lack proof?
You have too much proof. That's what worries me.
Dr. Linz, will you walk up the stairs?
Go ahead.
That's enough!
Can you tell me if those were the footsteps you heard tonight?
I'm not sure. I think so.
No, it wasn't like that. It sounded different.
What's this all about?
Now listen.
- That's it! - Naturally.
Someone imitated the Doctor's limp, and like all imitators, overdid it.
Who last saw Miss Cuq alive?
I brought her some camomile tea at eleven.
No one came in after that?
No, everyone was home, so I bolted the door.
Therefore, the murderer is one of you.
Anyone use the bathroom after eleven?
No one?
Sorry, Mr. Colin, I can't lie.
He came out at 11:30.
I was going to see Kid Robert.
Really? At that hour?
Kid Robert is my patient.
And you went to care for him. Perfectly natural.
- How about it, Mr. Colin? - I never left my bed all evening.
I saw you!
Sorry, Colin, but I'm fairly certain I heard you come in...
right around that time. A coincidence, I trust.
- What did you want in the bathroom? - Merely to take a bath.
Sure. Taking a bath at midnight is perfectly natural.
I was tense.
I thought a warm bath would relax me.
Yes, but why didn't you say that before?
I didn't know... I mean, I forgot she saw me.
Right. So you went into the bathroom to...
- To wash. - Very well, take off your robe!
Now your pajamas.
The bottoms.
Socks.
Take off your socks!
If you've taken a bath, your feet should be clean.
No need for questions, I'll tell you everything.
This isn't my first interview.
It was a glittering evening.
I was asked to sing after dinner.
I knew the killer was amongst us...
but I showed no fear.
After all, my grandfather served under Napoleon.
He rode beside the Emperor with a feather in his cap.
But that's another story.
- What are you doing? - I'm practicing for the reporters.
Too late. Listen to this...
"The nightmare is over.
"Mr. Durand was arrested thanks to the skill of Mr. Monnet...
"The Police Commissioner."
Damn! What about us?
They forgot us. But at least we got Durand.
And all because he had dirty feet.
- Get the door! - Where's the maid?
- I fired her. - Why?
She said I was catty.
Some truths are best left unspoken.
Cretin!
Compliments of Mr. Durand
Arresting Colin was stupid. Absolutely idiotic!
- I agree with you. - But it was your idea!
The papers are giving you all the credit.
- Are you suggesting I took credit... - Perish the thought.
You'd be fired by now if I hadn't.
You want my resignation?
No, but if you offered it, I'd advise the Prefect to accept it.
Then don't keep him waiting. Patient but respectful.
- You released Colin? - I had to.
But I arrested Linz! And this time, he'll confess.
I don't doubt it.
Patient but prescient.
How long have you stayed at Mrs. Point's?
5 years.
- Where did you live before that? - In a hotel... The Claridge.
Why did you leave there?
It was too expensive.
Carry on, we're in no hurry.
- Do you have any debts? - Some.
- Who with? - My tailor.
- Is that all? - I think so.
- But you said "some" debts. - I made a mistake.
You go out at night?
- Sometimes. - Where were you on April 18th?
I don't know... the cinema, maybe.
- Where? - I don't remember.
Then why did you say you went to the cinema?
- You like to gamble. - I never do!
You were arrested 4 years ago in Marseille.
My friends dragged me there.
- How much did you lose? - I don't know.
- But you owe money? - Like everyone.
- Were you in the bathroom that day? - I told you, no.
- Don't you bathe? - Yes, but Miss Cuq was using it.
- So you killed her! - No, that was in the morning.
- When? - Yesterday.
Miss Cuq was dead yesterday.
I meant the day before. You're driving me crazy!
Confess and it will be all over.
I'm not a killer, I tell you!
Carry on questioning him. Ask anything you like.
See you this evening.
Come in.
- It's me. - Hello, Inspector.
I'm no longer an inspector.
This is a friendly visit.
- Mila's not jealous? - She doesn't know.
- You're cautious. - I have to be.
Durand struck again. So Colin isn't Durand.
- I know, he's back already. - Why did you accuse him?
Well, I'm very shortsighted.
- That's dangerous. - Myopia?
Giving false testimony.
- Wasn't this a friendly visit? - I'm speaking as a friend.
I can recommend an optician for you.
That's a lovely robe.
It's a negligee.
I wouldn't know. Mila uses flannel pajamas.
Lucky you.
I can't talk. I use a nightcap... with a pompom.
- You must look sweet. - Ravishing, intoxicating, adorable.
Cover up or you'll catch a head cold.
- Through my legs? - Depends on where your mind is.
I do find this lingerie to be quite risqué.
It's not common for a nurse.
But you see, when you wear a uniform all day...
with your hair covered...
it's nice to feel like a woman, with satin on my skin.
- Does Kid Robert like it? - He's blind.
- He can touch. - How indiscreet!
- Isn't he your lover? - I took pity on him a few times.
- Did he tell you to accuse Colin? - No.
- Who did? - Nobody.
In Lalah-Poor's room, I found a comb just like this one.
Look, twins.
- No more questions, please. - You love the fakir?
Of course not!
- But you slept with him. - Maybe once.
- Why? - I got bored.
I'm always waiting for something.
You're not expecting him now?
No, don't worry. He's at the theater.
They hired him after all this publicity.
Well, I think I'm going to the theater.
Leaving already?
I'd only disappoint you if I stayed.
- Good evening! - I'm not talking to you.
Perfectly natural.
Come in.
I'm Bob Destirac, from Paris Soir.
Come in, don't be afraid. The press is always welcome.
Art is nothing without publicity.
You want to know about The Indian Tomb trick?
The Talking Head?
- Mind if I dress? - Go ahead... Mr. Durand.
What's your problem?
I say "Mr. Durand" to all the suspects to see their reactions.
It's a dangerous game. What if I were Mr. Durand.
I could have sent you to a better world.
However, if you read the papers instead of writing them...
you'd know that Durand is under arrest.
- You think Dr. Linz is the killer? - No.
- Certainly not. - You should.
With Colin's innocence, the servant having an alibi...
and the blind man out of it, I see only one guilty person.
Yet you feel uneasy about being here with me.
Not at all, it's most interesting.
But your suspicion is growing by the second.
No, I suspect you all.
- You made a mistake. - How?
By suspecting the others.
- So you admit you're Mr. Durand? - Yes, that's what I mean.
You admit you killed 11 people. More specifically...
Mr. Levret, November 10th...
Yes!
- Mr. Tavernin... - Yes!
Turn off that light!
Mr. Tavernin on the 12th, on Rue Victor Massé.
Yes, anything you like.
Okay.
Tell me what your motives were.
Money.
- Each time? - Yes.
For Miss Cuq too?
Yes!
- She didn't have any money. - I thought she did.
Why did you put a card on your victims?
Bravado.
- Towards the police? - Yes, and society.
Now that we've warmed up, it's time for serious business.
For my next act, I shall require the help of my assistant...
Christiane Perette.
We're binding Miss Perette's hands and feet...
so that she cannot move.
This trunk is completely empty. Completely empty.
Here we place the living corpse of Miss Christiane Perette.
Now we'll close the trunk.
With one shot from this revolver...
the subject will disappear.
Let me be clear.
This is not a trick.
This is a well known scientific phenomenon called...
Disintegration of matter.
One... Two... Three!
The process has been a complete success.
What did you do with the money?
I can't go on.
- Where's the money? - I hid it.
- Where? - That's my business.
Dr. Linz is innocent.
That's a good one. He's just confessed.
What?
My God!
Stay there. I'll send two men.
What's going on?
Why did you confess? You're protecting someone?
I wanted some peace.
What have you to say?
Nothing, I'll wait till Durand claims his 13th victim.
Give me the handcuffs.
Do you have them?
- Well? - It's still going on.
- Durand strangled another woman. - And the Fakir?
Innocent.
- Yet this time... - You're out of luck.
Thanks!
I'll pop your blackheads to cheer you up.
Leave me alone!
They'll get big and leave pocks.
Maybe Durand doesn't live at the house.
Miss Cuq was murdered by an insider.
You're hurting me!
- It's like vermicelli. - You've got a nerve!
- And the whistler? - He has numerous alibis.
I don't trust manservants.
We had one at school. He turned out to be a sex-maniac.
That's irrelevant.
- The blind man? - He's blind.
I saw him blink when he took off his glasses.
- You're crazy. - That only leaves Mrs. Point.
- This isn't a woman's handiwork. - Maybe she's a man.
Hardly!
Anything's possible. I'd get her to strip.
I'd say, "Take off your clothes!"
That's enough!
It's the last one.
Oh, it's a beauty!
Come in!
A letter for you both.
Brute!
Mrs. Point invited us to celebrate her lodgers' innocence.
- She wants you to sing. - How nice of her.
- You're going? - Of course!
- Well, I'm not. - Oh, come with me!
Never!
You're making a mistake, because Durand will be there.
A steamboat siren.
A station-master's whistle, and then the train's.
A traffic cop whistling at a pedestrian crossing.
- Did you see the grocer's daughters? - The whole neighborhood's here.
They're a great crowd!
- Why not go inside? - I wouldn't see any better.
- Hey, no gloom tonight! - It's our reconciliation.
Who would have thought we'd be playing together again?
Durand is good for something.
- Where's Mila? - In my room.
- What are you doing? - Playing patience.
Did you see the program?
Take a look. I've never had such good billing.
I close out the first part.
Open it, it won't ruin your eyes.
It says I'm a star of the stage.
- Wait a minute. - What's wrong?
One act is missing. The sensation of the evening.
Mr. Durand's arrest by Inspector Wens.
- You solved it? - Yes, it was simple.
Mum's the word.
Keep them guessing!
Everything all right? Fine, thanks.
- Are we disturbing you? - Not at all.
- You look strange. - Why should I look strange?
On the contrary, I'm perfectly normal.
What's got into you?
I promised not to say anything.
And when I promise, my lips are sealed.
- Just between us women. - Nothing doing!
If it's a secret, she's quite right.
It is a secret?
You bet, and when it comes out, it will raise the roof.
Listen, all I can say is that Mr. Durand is in for it.
Don't ask me anything more. My lips are sealed.
Finished.
- Is that you, Inspector? - Yes, excuse me.
- Going out? - Yes, I don't feel so well.
- Strange, me neither. Tummy upset? - Headache.
Me, it's my tummy. We can go out together.
Looking for... your revolver?
I just borrowed it.
- You go first! - I think I'll stay in.
- But your headache? - It's gone.
My tummy is still upset. You go first!
- Where are you going? - For a walk.
You'll be back for when I sing?
I hope so.
- Nice weather, isn't it? - Wonderful.
- It feels good to be alive. - Make the most of it.
One last warning.
We may meet people, cops even. One word out of you and I'll shoot.
- And miss! - At point blank range?
- You never know. - You're an optimist.
Yes, and anyway, you wouldn't dare shoot.
You'd get caught.
Think so? I run fast.
And as you know I have 2 witnesses to swear an alibi.
Are you okay?
- Stop clowning around! - He looks hurt.
No, It's a drunken game he's been playing.
- I'll help you. - Taxi!
- Someone's calling you. - Are you sure...
Go on! I'll take care of him.
Rigier Square!
- But that's right by here. - I'm a doctor... it's urgent.
Foiled!
- Next time I'll shoot. - Perfectly natural.
- Where are we going? - Not far, but I wouldn't hurry.
- Condemned, am I? - You played and lost.
- No game is lost till won. - I wouldn't swap my cards for yours.
I'll bet you 1000 to 1 I get out of it.
- Liar! - Let's bet then.
Watch it, here's a cop!
Watch what you're doing!
Sorry officer, he's a bit drunk. Stag party before his wedding.
- I guess you didn't see me. - I saw you alright.
He told me to do it because he hates cops.
He bet I wouldn't loogie right on your boots.
- You're coming with me! - He's just kidding.
Come with me, both of you!
Help!
- Stay here! - We'll be waiting.
This is for our 3 friends, recently cleared of all suspicion.
- Where could Wens be? - They'll be back soon.
Unless they meet Durand.
Now I shall hand you over to our charming star, Mila Malou.
I know you're lying.
I know very well...
you're lying.
But I come...
timidly.
Each time, I surrender...
to your words, soft and tender.
And no matter how much
I blame myself,
It is wrong...
to love you.
- What is it? Are you ill? - They've killed him. I'm sure of it.
Colin, Lalah-Poor, and the Doctor, are three Durands! Three!
Come in, we're here.
- Nice place, isn't it? - Lovely.
Cheerful too.
You already killed someone in a builder's yard.
That's true.
I did kill one of those grubs in a builder's yard.
Poor fellow.
Don't feel sorry for him. At least they found his body.
There'll be no trace of you.
Look!
It's quicklime.
Yes, Inspector, you have a good eye.
- Looking at the time? - Yes.
- Expecting help? - No, just making a calculation.
It takes 5 minutes to walk back, and your act starts in 15.
That leaves you 10 minutes to chat.
Unfortunately for you, we have nothing to say.
- Then why bring me here? - To facilitate your disappearance.
- Ah, more trickery! - It's not a joke.
I really can't complain.
I would have hated to die, shot by some petty crook.
But there's no shame in losing to brilliant adversaries, to masterminds.
You're too kind.
No, I mean it. You've astonished me.
What's that?
A shoelace. It also serves as a noose.
By using a single pseudonym for your crimes...
you've created a lethal trinity. That is genius!
- You're exaggerating. - Not at all.
- If I had more time... - You've got 3 minutes.
In truth, you're not criminals.
You're artists in crime.
It's a pity your masterpiece will remain unknown.
For I shall be your first...
and last admirer.
Sorry to see you go.
We can offer you your choice of death.
How kind.
If you want the sword...
the pistol...
or strangulation, just say the word.
You couldn't be more kind.
I shall take advantage of the offer.
There's one of you who has my deepest admiration.
The one who had the inspiration for this association.
I'll die by his hand.
- Me! - Me!
- Gentlemen. - Just a minute.
- Let me speak. - Why you?
- I'll set the record straight. - No, we'll set it straight.
This story goes back...
some 40 years to the desks of an elementary school.
We were 3 young hooligans.
But one of us was by far the worst.
- His name was Theodore Linz. - Thank you.
I'll give you credit for that.
You were a nasty little beast.
Every day he would pee in the beak's ink well.
Naturally, suspicion fell on him...
and Theodore was expelled.
The next day, to clear his name...
I got the idea to do the same thing in the same circumstances.
Linz was reinstated two days later.
I had discovered the principle of our future exploits.
You're right, Colin. Here is my neck.
No, you can't claim the honor. You merely stumbled on the idea.
I'm the one who developed the theory into practice.
I don't think anyone will deny that.
Forgive me, Doctor, I await your sword.
Hold on!
The Inspector said the pseudonym was the thing.
Durand was my idea. I'm Mr. Durand.
Yes, I see... it's difficult.
Truly a hard decision.
May I?
Well?
There is one solution which would win my vote.
To be killed by none of you, and arrest all three of you.
That's a good one!
- Arrest us? - How?
Like this.
You lost our bet, Professor.
Pay up and I'll tell you the story of Tom Thumb.
revised & synched by Gianni777