- I remember,
I remember when I was a kid.
I was walking home from school and I saw this dog
in the bushes.
Golden Retriever.
He came out to see me and I knew he belonged
to someone, he didn't have a collar on
but he was really well groomed and he looked hungry.
So, I gave him this peanut butter and jelly sandwich
I had in my bag.
He ate it and then he followed me home.
I tried to hide him but of course it's this huge dog
so my parents found him immediately
and I begged and begged and begged them
if I could keep him and they said if we couldn't find
his real owner that we could.
So we looked around for a couple of days
and no one showed up and I got to keep him.
I had my own dog, I named him Scooby.
But a week went by and someone showed up.
Turns out it was Scooby's real owner.
I guess his real name was Milton.
- That's a stupid name.
- I know, way worst than Scooby.
Um, and I was crushed, I cried for days
and my mum ended up feeling so bad
that she went out and bought me my own puppy.
- Oh no, that's so sweet.
- It is except that puppy was a fucking asshole.
I'm serious, it wouldn't play with me,
it wouldn't take treats from me.
It wouldn't do anything with me.
So one day, I uh...
- What?
Just say it, what?
- I'm gonna sound like an asshole when I say this
so just fair warning and the dog was an asshole to me
but I took it to an alley and I just left it there.
- No, no, you didn't.
- I did and the crazy part is that it followed me home.
The only time it ever tried to get close to me.
That little asshole.
- Where's the dog now?
- It's still alive, it must be like 19.
It won't come anywhere near me when I go
visit my parents' place.
- Yeah, you left him alone in the fucking alley.
- He was, yeah, I did.
Yup.
- So, uh, why are you telling me this?
- Well you told me to tell you something
I never told anyone before.
- And that's the story you chose?
- Yeah?
Yeah.
- Oh, how long have I been sleeping?
X, X?
Are you here?
- Well, good morning, Veronica.
I thought you'd never wake up, how did you sleep?
- Good, Papa, have you see Pigz and Blanket?
I can't find them anymore.
- They're out in the pen.
Now Veronica I know you've been around pigs
without their blankets, you know the rules, don't you?
That isn't safe.
- Oh, I know, Papa, but we never let it get that far.
- That's okay, that's okay, my dear.
Say, do you happen to remember where we put the keys
to the kingdom, I'm having the darnedest time finding them.
- Of course, Papa, wait a minute.
Papa would never forget where the keys
to the kingdom are and that picture.
Pitbull Mitfull.
- You outsmarted me for the last time, Veronica.
- Yeah, you're fired.
Why are you working here, these are good, man.
You should be doing something with them.
- I, it's not even done yet, I still have to make
like a chase scene and there's, there's a lot to do.
- Always an excuse, eh, Ben?
Not enough time during office hours?
- It's complicated stuff.
- All right, I'm taking off.
You're gonna have your real work done today?
- Yes. - Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, are you ready for tonight?
- Oh yeah, I'm gonna bring my A game.
- You fabulous bastard.
- Bastard, no, but I am fab.
See that, see how fab it was?
See it again?
- Oh, I got ya. - You're welcome.
- Your safety and you, Volume Eight, PPE.
- Now that you've had your essential WHMIS training,
it's time to get to work.
Whoa, whoa, hold on there, hot shot, forgetting something?
You can't enter an active work place
without the proper P, P, E.
That's personal protective equipment.
Now we're ready.
- I remember doing one of those hypnotizing, um,
it was like an event at a--
- Did it work on you? - No, not at all but I pretended the other time
'cause I really wanted to stay up on stage.
- Of course you would.
- So I even did like the, we did the,
there was like a belly dancing portion of it,
we're like, if Kim Morrison started belly dancing,
but we're like, I guess I have to belly dance now, so, yeah.
That was a thing. - So you just belly danced.
- Pretty much so.
- So, uh, when are you gonna shave?
- Never, why?
- Well, I mean, you look just so much cleaner
and more tidy without the facial hair.
- Oh really? - Yeah.
- I think you look really clean and tidy
with no hair at all, just .
- Oh, you do? - Just shave the whole thing.
- I think it's a bit different though.
- It's the exact same. - No.
- Yeah. - No, not at all.
- I have a bald face and you'd have a bald head.
It'd be great.
- But then like my whole, 'cause you'd have your bald face
but you'd have hair on your head.
- I'd shave too. - You--
- We'd be matching.
- No. - We'd be a couple of Q balls.
- No, I don't wanna be. - Matching tattoos
on our heads.
- I don't want you to be bald.
I just want your face to be bald.
You can keep the eyebrows.
- Oh. - Hey.
- Good color. - Yeah, you too.
- Thanks, you ready?
- Am I ready, are you ready?
- You brought it, right?
- No, no, I forgot to bring the one thing
that I was supposed to bring.
- Okay, so Caleb's on the couch, you go over there
and what you're gonna do is--
- Okay, hey, hey, hey.
We got this, okay?
- Okay, okay.
♪ I'm looking for love ♪
♪ I'm only human ♪
- Ben, what's happening, dude?
You brought it, right?
Yeah, in your face, yeah, drink up.
No, no, no, no, no, all of it, all of it.
All right, so I need a favor from you, okay?
- Okay.
- And this goes down really, ah, ham it up
and go in that direction, okay?
I'm gonna use the commotion to get in close.
- Hey, you know this night's about Ali, right?
We're not--
- I'm gonna punch you in the stomach.
- What, why?
- So it's authentic.
- Getting punched in the stomach and choking
aren't anywhere near the same--
- Holy shit, he's choking!
Go with it, go with it.
Holy shit, someone do the thing.
- The Heimlich, the Heimlich, the Heimlich.
Oh my god.
- I guess I'll just come out and say it.
- Wait, are you actually serious right now?
- Mike, will you marry me?
You said you want it unique.
- Yes.
- Thanks guys for coming. - Yeah, buddy.
- Congrats.
- Oh my god, did you see the look on Mike's face?
Thanks again, man.
- No problem.
- And you're good with being my best man.
- Yes, of course, of course.
Does this mean I get to decide just how fabulous
your wedding is?
- Cheers, buddy. - Indeed.
- Another, yep, yep. - Yes, yes.
You like?
- Really?
- Learn to love it, Ben.
Down.
One more.
Case, come on.
- So, you gonna move out when Ali and Mike get married?
- Fuck, this is gonna drive me nuts.
- What?
- It's only been a day and I've already had
like three people ask me that.
I mean why am I the one that's supposed to move out,
I mean we both rent the place and it's fucking sweet,
I don't wanna move, you know?
- I mean, why don't you talk to them about it,
I'm sure they won't mind.
- Yeah, maybe.
Got more in the tank, wanna keep going?
- Does it look like I wanna keep going?
Hey, what do I owe you?
- Nothing, your money's no good here.
- All right.
See you around.
- Sounds good, man.
- Yeah.
- Oh, hey, big guy.
- What's up?
- I'll tell you what's up.
Remember the fonts you did for that boring government video?
You know the ones, the ones you loved so much
you wished they complained,
so you get to do it all over again from the start.
- No. - Mm-hm, oh yes.
And the chick in charge of it, she's a peach.
- You are fucking with me, right?
- I most definitely am not.
Excited to meet her?
- Why me?
- Personal touches, baby.
It's what gets us the big bucks with the big clients.
She just wants to go over the fonts,
it'll take five minutes.
- That is so minuscule, can't we do that over the phone?
- Ben, the president of the company
is telling you to go, suck it up, baby, we're going.
We're meeting her over drinks, okay?
What is it about government workers and booze anyway?
Does that make it less painful?
- Yes, actually it does.
- Okay, you're dismissed.
Hey, Ben, love you.
- Love you, too.
♪ She was always just fine ♪
♪ She was having something deep ♪
- Hi, Ali?
- Ben, sorry, you must be Ms. Clement.
- No, funny story, I'm her assistant
and she's not coming, so.
She sent me to give you her notes, so.
- This is it?
- Consider yourself lucky, most people that meet with her
end up having a bad day.
- Well, um, I'm glad we came across town for this then.
- Oh yeah, I mean my boss really believes
in connecting with people through you know passing notes.
- All right, well, it was a pleasure to meet you.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?
Isn't this supposed to be a drinks meeting?
'Cause my boss told me to buy
so I think we can lead with it.
- That's funny, my boss told me the exact same thing.
- I guess we gotta drink.
- All right, what do you want to drink?
- Okay, what kind of happy hour people should we be?
- Happy hour people?
- Yeah, like different times of the happy hour people?
Like you know what I'm talking, you don't know
what I'm talking about.
- Not at all.
- Okay, screw that, like if you were a drink,
what would you be?
- Oh, ah-- - I think you're a Manhattan.
- Yeah? - Yeah, I really do.
Conservative but still a little like tweak
over you know Old-Fashioned.
- Manhattan, what kind of drink are you?
- Oh, what do you think?
- Ah, Cosmopolitan.
- Yeah, not bad, I would go for a lychee martini though.
- Well there you go. - Mm-hm, yep.
Everyone is a drink.
- Fair enough, well what kind of drink
should we get today then?
- Thank you. - Thanks.
- That's cute.
- I really don't like olives.
- I love olives.
Mm.
Okay, you need to loosen up, man.
- I'm sorry?
- It's like talking to myself here.
You like chug that martini and loosen up.
- Oh, my bad.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Never had a martini before, huh?
- Holy shit, I have a newfound respect for James Bond.
Okay, so, um.
How long have you been working for the government?
- Too long.
If you look at my employment record
under years worked, there's like a sad face
and then there's a crying face
and then there's a dead face in a noose
and then there's a thumbs up to encourage
vertical business growth.
What about you?
How long have you been doing soulless corporate videos?
- Um, like, four years?
- You like it?
- It's easy work.
- Okay, so you hate it.
- No, no, my best friend owns the company
and he pays me well.
- Okay, sure, so what do you really wanna do?
Like what's your passions, what's your interests?
- You don't skip a beat at all, you just jump right into it.
- Mm-hm.
- Cartoons, I really like making old '20s style cartoons.
- Cartoons, see that's interesting.
You should lead with that next time.
- Well, what about you, what are your passions?
- Journalism, I'm actually moving to New York
at the end of the month for it.
- Really?
- Yeah, I mean I'm already a journalist like part-time.
I've been doing it for years.
- Well, that's awesome, congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Would you guys like another round?
Happy hour's still for another five.
- What do you think, another round?
- Wait, another five, oh shit, no, I'm sorry,
I gotta go, I'm sorry, I gotta go.
Can you put this on my tab please?
- No, no, no, no, my boss said we should get the round.
- Come on, dude, we hired you.
Plus you have already paid for it.
You know, like your taxes?
That's that.
Okay. - Okay.
- This was really fun.
- Yeah, yeah, it was.
- So I guess you have yourself a nice day, Benjamin.
- You too.
- Thank you.
Just give me your phone.
Just...
Just to clarify, I'm not looking for anything serious
and I don't do dinner or movies, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay then.
- Ben, how was the meeting?
Jesus.
That's it?
What's going on here, why are you all smiling and shit?
Uh, Ben, how much did you put on this?
I'm getting married, Ben, I don't have money
for your luxury night out, Ben.
- Love you.
- Ben!
- Can't enter an active work place
without the proper PPE.
- All right, classic church.
- Mm, no. - No.
- No one likes the church idea, eh?
Yeah I don't like it either.
- Why would you even consider a church?
They don't even want you to get married.
- That is an excellent point.
- I still like the farmhouse.
- Please.
The farm's all right but it pales in comparison
to beach wedding.
- Yeah but you know the beach isn't gonna work.
- How big are you guys planning on going with this?
- Well I'm gonna want my whole family there.
- And my mom will probably invite everyone
to see how the gays do it.
- Did she really say that? - Yeah.
- I love your mom.
- So what do you think?
- Well you know the beach is rough for some people.
Mom has a cane and grandpa can't be on that heat.
- Okay I'm kind of pissed your mom's gonna make us
miss out on a beach wedding.
- I know but it's gonna be great.
All of our family there, everyone that we love
is gonna be there, it's gonna be incredible.
- It'll be all right, man, just make her eat fish.
- She does hate fish.
- Okay, now this is genius.
- Actually it's 100% goat milk.
- Do you know why this is here?
- Why?
- I'll give you two to one odds that like one
of these doors is paying him to be there.
- Okay, explain.
- Okay, you know how they say never go grocery
shopping when hungry? - Yeah.
- Okay, it's the opposite for furniture shopping.
They want you to be full and bloated.
They want you to sink in their cushions
and get into naps, makes you wanna buy their shit.
It's like a strategy, it's like a marketing strategy.
- All right, well whose your source?
- Well let's go in, shall we and we shall see.
Can't you see it behind their eyes?
They eat, get trucked out, walk as a happy clams
picking up useless shit.
- You're right.
You are a good journalist.
- And then they die.
They fucking die, Ben.
- We need to break this cycle, I don't wanna die
in a furniture store.
- But you do need a new table, don't you?
- You're right. - Yeah.
- Let's risk it. - Okay.
Oh.
You got me some wine?
- Yes, actually, I imported the finest crystallized wine
just for you.
- Wow, I just don't think I can drink any.
- You don't wanna drink my crystallized wine?
- You've drunk some, haven't you?
You've drunk some wine and now you're a part
of this marketing scheme.
- Join us.
- No.
No.
- So what do you think?
Is this the one?
- I think it has sentimental value now.
It has to be...
- Okay, I could probably get that online
for like a hundred bucks.
- Okay. - Let's go.
- Let's go then. - Yep.
- You'll have to tell me when the table gets dropped off.
I'll help you build it and I'll even bring beer.
- Well how can I refuse an offer like that?
- That's it.
So this isn't your usual date, is it?
- Oh no, it is.
- Oh shit, it must be expensive.
- No, no, see what I do is that we go to the store
and I'm like, "Oh no, the furniture's too expensive.
"I'll just go online and buy it."
Then we part ways and I just don't.
- That's, that's good.
It's good.
- Do you wanna do something fun?
- Always.
- Voila. - Wow.
- Yeah.
This is what I call fun.
- You know, I'm not quite sure how to figure you.
- I'm sorry you can't, you don't know how to figure me?
- Okay how to figure you, figure you out.
I don't know to figure you out.
I'm French, okay?
- Okay, why can't you figure me?
- Okay, well when I first met you,
you were-- - Keep in mind,
that I was prepared to meet not you.
- Okay, okay, that's fair.
But still, I mean, you were, you know,
quite shy I would say
and I mean look at you now.
You have me climbing trees at sunset.
- Sorry. - Yeah.
- It's my friend Caleb, I should--
- Of course, yeah sure.
- Okay.
Hello?
Yep.
All right, okay.
Yeah, I'll see you soon.
Okay, bye.
So my friends are drunk and the DD
can't get his car started.
- Oh.
- So would you like to go meet some drunk people?
Uh, 27th and Main please.
- So where are you from?
- Montreal.
- I thought I heard an accent.
It means you speak French, right?
- Oh, oui.
- Oh, bonjour.
- What does that mean?
- It means you're beautiful.
- You're French, have you ever been to France?
- Yeah, I went last summer actually.
- Awesome, was it awesome?
- Yeah, it was pretty awesome.
- Awesome.
- Thank you for today. - No problem.
- You know, Ben's probably one of the coolest guys I know.
Been friends with him since I was a kid,
he's a great guy right there.
- Whoa, that's a long time.
- Literally forever.
Hey, you know what we should do?
Make late night pancakes.
Ali and I perfected late night pancakes.
- Late night pancakes.
- Yeah.
- How about, man, do you want some pancakes?
- If you want, man, we'll make some pancakes.
- All right.
- Okay but just before, you guys need to drop me off
at my house 'cause I gotta get up early.
- What, no, eat pancakes with us, it'll be fun.
I'm like Garret Ramsey.
- I trust that.
- When it comes to late night pancakes.
Oh, god!
Man, seriously be careful, she could just be leading you on.
- Why would she do that?
What would that do for her?
- Girls like to play games.
- Yeah maybe the girls you know.
- She's moving in a month, yeah.
I'm sure she is, mark my words, Ben.
- Don't mark anything.
- Mark my words, whatever it is she's telling you,
it isn't true but on the other hand,
she speaks French and that's hot.
- Don't listen to this,
you're not gonna listen to him, are you?
That girl is a good girl.
- Good in the sack maybe.
- Don't let this idiot get inside your head.
- Like you know women--
- I do know women. - You don't wanna take lady
advice from a gay man.
- This gay man actually talks to women.
I listen to them, that's how I know them better.
Look, when you realize that I'm right.
- You aren't right.
- I think you should explore this.
I know the whole hanging out without actually
being together thing is not the Ben style
but I think it's been long enough.
- He's trying to say you need to get laid.
- Yeah, I got that.
- I mean you literally had a hot chick fall into your lap.
- She didn't fall into my lap.
- Fine, across from.
- Don't you think you're pulling a bit of a nerve here?
What if I said, "How about you go play college ball?"
- Yeah, yeah, okay, Caleb didn't make the cut
for college ball, get some new material, you fucking--
- See, you really wanna take advice from this hot head?
- Yeah, yeah. - I don't know.
- I get what you mean, I like her.
She seems genuine, you know?
- Good, good, follow those instincts.
- But I don't think it matters anymore
because I think you guys scared her off.
- What did I do? - Why?
- I don't know, maybe it was the three drunkskateers
in the background or your interrogation
or everyone yelling pancakes, pancakes, everything,
it just seemed better when we were together alone, you know.
I don't know, you're logical, what do you think, Mike?
- I wouldn't worry about a thing.
She seemed really cool and relaxed
and I don't think we ruined your date night.
- Yeah, I hope you're right about that.
- No, trust me, by the time you get home,
you'll have a text from her.
Like Ali said, we're gay, we know women.
- Oh fuck you both.
- Fuck me?
Is this finally happening?
- What the hell's happening?
Oh god, stop it. - The three way of our dreams.
- No, no, no!
What's in there, is there anymore left?
- How bad do you want them? - Give it.
Bad enough, okay, whatever it is you.
Oh!
- This suit looks look, am I right?
Like I'm not crazy, this is a bitching suit.
- What, what are you talking about,
what's wrong with the suit?
- The suit, it's an awesome suit.
- Yeah, sure, it's a great suit.
- Right.
Mike doesn't want me to wear it to the wedding.
It's his mom.
She expects me to buy a new suit, a wedding suit.
He's mad at me 'cause I said her fuck her.
Fuck her, it's our wedding and I wore it
on our first date, he loved the suit.
Why shouldn't I wear the suit to our wedding?
- Is this gonna be a long conversation because I can put some pants on.
- You go, yeah do that. - Okay.
Here you go, James Bond.
- Don't ever get married, man, don't do it.
It's all grandma can't go to the beach
or your second cousin's allergic to garlic.
Garlic for fuck's sakes.
How do you develop a garlic allergy, it's in everything.
- 'Cause you're a vampire clearly.
- That, that's an explanation.
I don't know if she'd like me saying that to her, but.
Anyway just don't ever get married.
It's really just not a good idea.
- You're excited to get married, right?
- I'm excited to be married.
- You know what, you're gonna be fine.
This is classic wedding shenanigans.
Everybody goes through this.
- Look at you, getting the real best man experience, eh?
- Hm.
- Cheers.
Um, that's not coffee.
- No, it's not.
- I feel like the arrows are pointing
different directions here.
- You have to put your hands in front of you.
- Right.
Juliette?
- Where are you? - Which way did you go?
- I don't know. - Left?
- I went through that maze.
- With, with something.
- Why does it stop here?
We're back to the beginning?
Oh no.
I have to go now.
- Don't leave me.
- I will have to save myself.
- Okay. - Sorry.
Okay, you look horrified.
You've been on one before, right?
- Not by choice.
You're not the first pretty girl that convinced me
to do something stupid.
- Well, it only lasts a few minutes.
- You don't understand, when I'm nervous like this,
I just imagine all the possible outcomes
and they're all worst case scenarios.
- But like what?
- Oh like, you know, we get stuck at the top
and I have a sudden hit of diarrhea.
- Okay, that's unlikely.
- Or while we're traveling at full speed,
a flock of birds just comes and kills us dead.
- Okay, I don't think it would kill us.
- Birds can take out airplanes,
I don't think meat sacks are a problem.
- You're neurotic, you know that?
- Okay and the worst case scenario and most likely
is that as we're traveling at full speed,
it just derails off a ramp and we crash to our deaths.
- Oh wait.
What was that sound, can you hear that?
- What?
- Oh my god.
Caw!
- Fuck off.
- Yeah, I obviously like these rails like don't look,
I don't know like-- - Come on.
- Oh and I put laxatives in your coffee.
- Don't. - I did.
Thought it would be funny.
Okay, it's filming now.
Okay it's filming.
How you feeling?
- I don't--
- I'm sorry but I really did have to film this.
This is gonna be too good.
- We are so high already.
- He's a scared pussy.
This is good for you.
- Close my eyes.
♪ I close my ♪
Oh, it's happening.
- No, no, no, no, no, no. - It's happening.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Yes. - Madness roller coaster.
- Hey, are you okay?
- No, I think, uh.
- Oh, no.
Oh.
You're not gonna pup on me, are you?
- I think just the roller coaster
gave me cancer.
- Oh, well that's not funny.
I mean my uncle-- - Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean anything by that.
- He, uh...
He died of roller coaster cancer.
Come on, that was funny, Ben.
- No, not at all.
- Hey, your bag!
That was funny!
- Okay, let's see if you can do it.
- Yeah!
It was on it though. - By a hair!
- You still have to win something for me.
You haven't won anything for me.
- I'm sor-- - I won something for you.
Look.
- Oh yeah, I don't think uh, I don't think that counts.
- Why? - It's so small, it's like literally like
you can get this out of a quarter machine.
- Would you rather have quality or quantity?
- Did you get more?
- No, that's quan--
- Oh this is quality, I see. - That's funny.
- Right. - Yeah, okay.
- Yes, the five cent plastic-- - You know what?
- Pinky ring.
- I really don't feel like giving you anything anymore
for the rest of my life.
- I love it, it's amazing.
- Too late now, that's way too late.
Why are you taking it off then if you like it so much?
- I'm just trying a different fingers.
Just making sure--
It fits on a different one.
All right well what do you want, what do you want?
Do you want like a bear or?
- I want a Yeti. - You want a Yeti?
- Big one.
- Oh my goodness, are those pythons
or are those .
Winner, winner, winner!
Any jumbo sword you want,
he only got one try, guys.
You only get one try.
Select any sword you want, buddy,
any flaming sword,
Any sword, any object that you want.
Aw!
- Yeah!
- Hey.
You know-- - Sh.
Just enjoy the moment, Ben.
- So I'll just stop by my house really quick.
Grab a shower and then meet you at your place?
- Hm.
What's Ali having us do tonight?
- Some sort of cake testing I think.
Come on, man, get off your phone.
- But chicks.
I might have to bail.
- What, why?
- I really don't wanna go to this thing.
He's pissing me off lately.
He can tell if cake tastes good without me too.
- What happened?
- I talked to him about the apartment
and you were wrong, he did care.
- He wanted to keep it too, huh?
- Yep, it's bullshit.
He gets married and I'm supposed to give up my place
so he can be all fucking grown up.
- Look, I know you don't like change
but this might be a good thing.
You might find a sweet place.
- I already have a sweet place.
- Look, let's just go, show our support,
have some free cake, it's his wedding after all.
- Yeah, that he still has tons of time to plan.
This blonde wants it now.
It's bad, man, I just love pussy, what can I say?
All right, I'll talk to you later then, okay?
- See ya.
- It's all for me, baby.
Oh.
Mm, mm, let's do this, make it prettier, mm.
- Nice touch. - Yes.
So what do you think of this one?
- Mm, it's good, I like it.
What is it?
- It's lavender infused Tahitian vanilla
with creme fraiche rosemary icing.
Mm! - Mm, yeah.
- It's really good.
- Okay, so you're supposed to take slot F
and put one piece--
- No, no, no. - No, yeah, no,
'cause slot F1A is-- - Let me see.
- No, no, no, slot, no, no.
You're supposed to take-- - You have it upside down.
See the crew, the screw-- - No, I know,
but you gotta take this leg piece
so you can make room for the leg to go,
oh my god, these instructions might
as well be in Swedish too, this makes no sense.
- Did you know they make the instructions
hard to understand on purpose?
- What, really?
- Yeah, they hire chronically depressed people
for their phone lines and when people like us call,
no one's lonely, it's like public service.
- Really?
- Oh my god, you're so gullible, it's not even fun!
- Hey. - Hey.
- Pizza's here.
- Yep, there's--
Yep, 40 bucks.
- Oh, okay, I see.
I think I get it!
Yeah, I think we had it upside down.
Yeah.
Yeah, we had it, okay, okay, so grab this one
and like the plastic thingy too
and grab these too. - Okay.
- And oh we need these two, we're gonna need this.
Okay and yeah, grab these ones.
You okay? - Yeah.
- Oh and yeah, the screws, this
and you...
Yeah.
- I can't believe I never saw that before.
- How long did that take?
- Too long, an hour and--
- Oh, you regret cheaping out?
- Yep.
Yep, I do.
- Pitbull Mitfull!
- You outsmarted me for the last time, Veronica.
Now I will use your favorite friends,
Pigz and Blanket against you.
Why don't you help them?
- Please don't come near us, Princess.
- It's all wrong without our blankets.
We might throw up on you.
- I'd start running .
- How do you write the dialogues?
- I just ad lib it.
- Really?
- Yeah, I'll get you next time, Veronica.
- Well that is adorable.
- Oh, thank you.
- Seriously though, those cartoons are really good.
- Thank you, you're sweet.
I know they're nothing special but I like doing them.
- Why don't you think they're special?
- I don't know, I think a lot of people
are convinced that they're special
so they need to admit that they aren't.
I mean what's the likelihood that there are that many
amazing, undiscovered actors and artists out there, really?
Isn't it more likely that they're just not that great
and nothing's really ever gonna happen for them?
- You know what I think?
- Hm.
- I think it's a fucking shame how few people try
and I think it's a shame you're of them.
You know what, we're all gonna die one day
so just fuck it, try something!
- Fuck it, very poetic.
Can I kiss you?
- Do you always ask permission?
- It's better. - You're such a pussy.
- I snapped my back.
- Do you smoke?
- No, why, do you?
- Oh, on occasion.
- On what occasions are those?
- Well, after sex and also after sex.
Do you have an ashtray?
- Why would I?
- Okay, fair enough.
- Do you smoke often?
- Maybe.
- Maybe meaning like a lot or maybe
a little or-- - Oh no, oh no.
Maybe means-- - Is it like a once a week
sort of a thing or is it like once a month sort of thing?
- Okay.
- Have you quit smoking for awhile?
- I'm sure I can find an ashtray somewhere.
- Not necessarily both.
- Hey, how are you doing?
- Good, how are you?
- I'm good. - Good.
- That's good. - Yeah.
- I brought your stuff. - Awesome, yeah.
- So what's new?
- Mm, I'm seeing someone.
- Really? - Yeah. - Well, okay. - She's pretty awesome,
so that's going well, yeah. - Yeah.
How'd you meet her? - Work.
- Yeah? - Actually. - Cool. - Yeah.
- How about you?
- I've actually got something kind of exciting going
in my life too.
I'm moving to Thailand for a bit.
- Really? - If you can believe it, yeah.
- Congratulations, that's-- - Thank you.
- That's awesome. - Yeah, yeah.
You remember how I always talked about how I wanted
to do yoga?
- I think so, yeah.
- Do you remember me talking about it?
- Right, yeah, well I just, I didn't think
you were that serious, that's all.
- Well I was, um, I've been really getting into it lately
and I've decided to go get certified.
- That's awesome, congratulations.
- Thank you.
That's how I found your stuff.
I was packing up the old crawlspace and--
- Wait a sec, um, sorry, I thought you,
ah, wanted to keep, ah, living in that place.
I thought that was why I moved out.
- Well, I did, but then, um,
this opportunity came up
and I just had to take it, you know?
That's actually why I asked you here.
I know how much you love that apartment
and I'm not gonna be in it anymore so I--
- You called me here to offer me the apartment.
Why would I wanna go back there?
- I just know how much you loved it.
- Well then why didn't I keep it?
- Wasn't it your idea to move out?
- Everything's my fault, great, that's wonderful.
Did you just come here to gloat about how great
your life is
now that I'm-- - What?
- Not in it anymore or?
- No, no, I wanted to do the right thing.
I wanna be your friend, I...
I miss you.
- My friend.
This is how you treat your friends, right?
What's even in this box.
- I don't know, it's your stuff.
I figured you'd want your stuff.
- My stuff. - Yeah.
I think you just wanted to offer me your scraps.
- What, no, I...
I wanted to do the right thing.
I wanted to give you your stuff
and offer you the apartment and now you're making me
out to be some kind of bad guy.
- You are the bad guy.
You broke up with me, you kicked me out of the apartment
and now you're back here making me look like I'm some
kind of asshole and I don't deserve this.
- Well, well, well, look who's alive.
- Hey.
- What's up with you?
- Nothing.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Okay, you gotta give me something here
because I can go home and talk to myself--
- I'm sorry.
I just went to go see my ex.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Yeah, she wanted to give me a box of my old stuff.
- Mm, what's in it?
- I don't know, I haven't opened it.
- Why not?
- I just want it to be done with.
- Then why would you meet up with her?
- She asked me the exact same thing.
- I mean...
Do you want her back?
- No, no, no, no, not at all, I just wanna know
that she's not okay without me.
I know, that makes me sound like a dick and I'm sorry.
- I mean no, it's not wrong.
- I'm sorry too, I don't mean to vent on you right now.
- No, it's okay, it's fine, really.
You know what you should do?
- What?
- They're just things.
- It's not the things.
It's the memories.
You'll never get the keys to the kingdom.
I'll find Papa Rooster.
We'll see about that, my darling .
- Hey, pay attention and one of those characters
better be me.
- I have actually made you a character
and I call him Le Monsieur.
- Oh, I'm French now.
- Oui and I am fab just like you.
- Okay, I think I like it .
All right, help me out.
Which one of these--
- Would you guys please cut it out
with all this wedding stuff?
I barely see him now that he's seeing the French chick.
When I do, it's only because you guys are going
over all this shit.
Thank you.
Speaking of, how's that going, you bang her yet?
- Bang her yet?
What are you, 14?
They've only hung out like a couple of times.
- So?
- So not all of us bring home loose women like you.
- Yeah, some girls like to wait
like more than a few hours, you know.
- Oh please, the girls that like to wait
are the girls that wait forever because those girls
aren't into you and will never sleep with you.
- That is so not true.
- Remind me again, how long did it take you
and Mike to fuck.
- That's not important, that's not the same though.
- How isn't it?
- Because neither of them are girls.
- You know I'm right, if you've been on a week's worth
of dates with someone and you haven't had sex yet,
that's a red flag and you need to pull the shoot.
- Pull the shoot, you're really gonna listen
to a guy who says pull the shoot?
And no way, she's cool, she doesn't put out a week in
is a shit reason to stop seeing someone.
- I said a week's worth of dates, not a weekend.
Don't twist my words.
- Okay now you're just running around the point
and the point is she's cool.
If they don't have sex, who cares.
- I care, Ben needs to get some to get over his bitch ex.
Sorry, dude.
- Huh?
Sorry, I hate to do this to you guys
but I have to go, Juliette's picking me up.
- So you have fucked her.
- No, it's just uh we're going to the beach
to have some drinks with her hot friends.
- What's he talking about?
- It's just Juliette, me and her insanely hot friends
drinking half naked by the beach, it's dumb, it's stupid.
- No, that's not dumb, no, Ben, Ben.
- Thanks for the beer. - No, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.
Ben, Ben.
I'm blaming you for this.
- All right, let's do this.
- What are you guys talking about?
- How cool are you with acid?
- Aimee brought some.
- What's it taste like?
- Paper.
- But then it's blissful.
- You don't have to if you don't want to.
But if you do want, it's right here.
Do you want one?
- Do I even know you?
Of course aliens exist.
- No way, no way.
Do you really think there's any way that we could
be visited by little, tiny, gray dudes
in flying plates without the whole world knowing about it?
- Yes, I do but that's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is we haven't made contact yet.
Maybe they're out there but--
- What if they don't have a physical form.
Have you thought of that?
- What? - Yes.
- How can life not have a physical form?
- Have you ever heard of the singularity?
- Yeah, it's like. - Hey.
- Hi guys. - Hey, it's like, uh,
so computers are mended with--
- I'm not following, I don't wanna follow, fuck you,
they don't exist.
- Fuck you. - Everyone, this is Ben.
- Hi, Ben. - How's it going, Ben?
- Hi. - Do you think aliens exist.
- Oh, I, I don't have any opinions on aliens.
- Oh come on!
- Okay, take it easy, first time acid trier.
- Oh, I don't think I should be in this conversation.
- 100% you should be in this conversation.
Ben, aliens.
Why don't you have an opinion on them?
- Well you know how the Matrix is like a computer
simulation, right? - Yeah, exactly.
- Is that an okay answer?
- What's wrong with you?
- Fucking kidding me.
- I just-- - You're so narrow minded.
- I'm not, you're narrow. - Okay, come on.
- Narrow minded.
- This doesn't win an argument.
- What was your theory?
- So, Tom DeLonge, he explored aliens for a long time
after leaving Blink 182. - Oh fuck that guy.
- Come on.
- Oh yeah, play some music for us, something nice.
You're such an idiot, Diego.
♪ This time, this world ♪
♪ It has been good ♪
♪ But I don't feel complete ♪
♪ Mom and dad, I have to go outside ♪
♪ The city's calling me, calling me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I'm walking through that open door, oh yeah ♪
♪ I go up, papi, I return, oh whoa ♪
♪ When I'm howling at the moon ♪
♪ I will remember you ♪
♪ Hope to be back soon ♪
♪ So this is bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye ♪
♪ And this is bye ♪
♪ Bye, bye ♪
♪ Bye, bye, bye, bye ♪
- Hey.
- Thank you.
Are you not having one?
- Not unless you wanna walk home .
- Oh driving.
- Yeah. - Right.
- Are you still okay to do that by the way?
- Oh yeah, definitely, we still got tons of time
to come down.
How's your first trip?
- I do this. - Yeah.
- I have like six hands.
So you're the one who got Juliette her job, right?
- I got her the interview, she got the job.
- That's pretty awesome of you.
- Yeah, it's just, um,
she's glad I could do something for her.
It's good seeing her like this again.
I haven't seen her this happy since I don't know
before the divorce.
- What's got her so happy these days?
- You're a nice guy, aren't you?
- I think so.
- I think lots of things are making her happy.
Quitting her job, getting the new job, you.
Are you falling for her?
It's okay, I get it .
She is really awesome.
- Yeah, yeah, she is.
- You, uh, you didn't know about the divorce, right?
- Was it that obvious?
My poker face sucks.
- Yeah, pretty much .
I'm sure the acid doesn't help either.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Look, don't take it personally,
she just doesn't talk about it much.
Even when I ask about it, she kind of deflects it.
I don't know, she's kind of still relearning
how to love herself.
I know she's pretty confident and it helps to hide it but
it took a lot out of her.
You aren't gonna start freaking out on me, are ya?
- No.
- No, acid's not gonna get to you, no hysterical tears,
no internal whiplash? - No, no, no, no.
Oh fine, you're really easy to be around.
- How's it going, guys?
- Hi, hi.
Ah, hello.
I'm just gonna go.
- Okay, I'll see ya.
How are you? - Hey.
This place is really beautiful.
- I know.
I love it here.
It's like looking out to the edge of the world.
I could just stare out to the horizon and then...
Get lost forever.
- You know...
Whatever horizon you do end up on,
I'm always just a message away if you ever need.
- I know.
- It's really pretty.
Are they clams? - Should grab some of this
and make a mask.
- Yeah?
It's good for exfoliation.
- To remember this day forever.
- Thank you. - Wait, I'm gonna wash it.
- Oh. - Oh, I can't.
- Oh.
- So many clam shells.
- This is gonna be the dirty treasure
but it's a treasure still.
- Okay, I'll never wash my hands again.
- Do you like it?
- I love it. - Oh god.
- Come back. - Okay, no.
How are you? - I'm good.
- Yeah?
- I'm wondering why the water's not
like up to here.
- Hey buddy. - Good morning.
- What are you doing tonight?
We're trying out caterers for the wedding.
Mike wants a few more opinions on them.
- Tonight?
Wait, sorry, I thought we already tried caterers.
- Ben, those are bakers, these are caterers.
Very different.
- Actually, um...
I have plans with Juliette tonight.
- Oh, all right, we can reschedule.
- No, no, no, no, that's fine--
- Trust me, buddy, it's, it's all good.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, we've got tons of time to plan.
You go hang out with your lady friend.
- Benjamin.
- Fuck.
Fuck.
God fucking damn it.
I think I broke your key.
Sorry about that.
- You had one shot, man.
- I did? - Like one shot.
- That's right.
- You're fired.
- Oh, okay, so my job's done then, right?
I'll just go home.
Day's over, perfect.
- Hey, so I wanted to ask you something.
Have you ever tried dating apps?
- What, why?
- Okay, that's a yes.
- How's that a yes?
It's just a weird question to ask post sex.
- How are you not used to me asking you weird shit yet?
- Um...
Okay, yeah, I've been on a couple.
- Yep, yep, I thought you looked familiar.
- Wait, did you see me on one?
Before we started hanging out?
And you didn't swipe right?
- What, your profile didn't do it for me.
- Ah, so it's like an ugly thing.
- No, no, you're cute as a button.
- Cute. - Okay, handsome.
- Now you're just backpedaling.
- As fuck.
- No seriously, what didn't do it for you?
- I don't know, why does it matter?
- I suppose it doesn't but we're hanging out now
and you didn't swipe then
so it must be an ugly thing, right?
- Okay, Ben, come on.
- Or am I just good enough to fuck for like a month.
- Well yeah obviously.
- No, seriously.
- Look you're making way too much of this.
We're talking about online apps here.
Online dating apps, why does it matter?
I mean, I don't know, maybe your profile
didn't do it for me because you looked relationshipy
or like a serial killer in your pictures.
- How are those comparable?
- Who cares, why's it matter?
We're here now, that's what's important, right?
And like you said, we are...
I mean, do you want me to stop 'cause I can stop.
- No. - I can stop.
- I don't want you to stop. - You want me to stop.
- I don't want you to stop, I don't.
See you later?
- Yeah.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Whatever.
You got the good stuff.
- Oh my god, oh my god.
- Good!
- I know, me too.
- Hm.
- Mm-hm.
Wow.
What?
- One down .
- Fuck. - Come on, girl .
♪
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, this is Ben's friend, uh, Caleb.
- What's up? - How you doing?
- What are you doing here?
- I'm just here with some friends.
- Cool. - Oh, no Benjamin?
- I thought he'd be with you.
- Oh well, speak of the devil.
- Have him come out.
You know, um, it's too bad you're moving.
We all should've hung out more.
- Yeah, I know, right?
Hey, I got a friend that's touring this little show
in a few days. - Yeah!
- You guys should all come.
- For sure, yeah.
- Yeah.
Okay, next one?
- Wanna come?
- Yeah, sure, lead the way.
- Cool. - Lead the way.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah it is awesome.
Yeah, volunteering at the orphanage.
- Of course, yeah sure.
- But, um, I, enough about me now.
What do you do?
- Not you. - Whoa, all right,
all right, all right, okay.
- Beer coming, beer coming.
- Thanks, honey, to you, my dear.
- Exactly what we need. - Thank you.
- To me and to beer.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, yes. - There you go.
- Yes, there you go.
I said your name so we're talking about you.
- Oui, oui, oui.
- Okay, is that, this is.
- Oui, that one I knew.
Yes, the you asked me
if I spoke French and I said yes.
- Yes.
Hey.
- Everybody. - Surprises.
- Out.
What are you even saying?
Dude, you didn't put anything--
- Oh come on! - Okay, okay.
- All right. - To love!
- Love. - To love!
- Ladies' night and the feeling's right.
- I'm sorry, that last shot was too much.
- No, it's never too--
- Too much. - Too much.
- Too must.
- You know what, you're kind of funny.
- I am.
- I'm fine!
- She's fine. - I'm fine.
- I'm gonna go.
I forgot my phone. - Yeah.
- Papa Rooster, I just have the most dreadful feeling
that Pitbull Mitfull's out there somewhere waiting to.
Veronica.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe Pitbull Mitfulls
are just lonely?
And so she said nothing, nothing weird,
nothing out of the ordinary?
- No, we just talked about you the entire time.
- And then what happened?
- They left.
- And she said nothing, nothing memorable, nothing weird?
- I don't think so.
- Do you wanna grab a beer?
- I have this thing I gotta do.
- I could really use a beer.
- Okay, yeah.
- Still no word, eh?
- I don't get it.
I don't understand, things were going...
Really well.
- Maybe she thinks you're getting too serious.
- You're gonna be my best friend tonight.
- Hey, uh, I'm just gonna look around for a bit.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna help you do it.
Wait, which one has the ball after?
I'm sorry.
- Hey. - Hey Ben, what's up?
- How are you? - Good.
- You haven't seen Juliette, have you?
- No, I thought she was coming with you.
- No, I haven't been able to find her.
- Oh, she's probably just late or hungover.
We had a lot of wine.
- Hey, guys how are y'all doing tonight?
- I'll be back in a minute. - Okay, see ya.
- Thanks for coming out.
♪ One step after another ♪
♪ Through the smoke ♪
♪ You're the new grains ♪
♪ Shouldering the rain ♪
- Have you tried calling her?
- She's not responding.
- Like you haven't talked to her at all?
- Look, buddy, uh, I know you don't wanna hear this
but it's probably because she's leaving.
Maybe she doesn't know how to say goodbye.
Dude.
Ben.
♪ Over when ♪
♪ I must have been led ♪
♪ Come and see the sky take me ♪
♪ Callus through the sky, take my breath away ♪
- Hey.
I guess they got the key out of there, eh?
So what's up?
- Sorry, things just got busy, I was gonna text you.
- I don't mean what's up tonight.
Where've you been?
- I just had a lot of stuff to do before I go, you know,
clean the apartment and pack and reply to emails.
Just making sure everything's good.
- Did you get it all finished?
- Yeah.
- What's going on?
Did I do something to piss you off?
- No. - Did something happen?
- No, nothing happened.
- Are you sure 'cause it seems
like something happened. - Oh my god.
- Does this have something to do with your divorce?
- What?
That's just none of your business.
You're not my husband, Ben and we're not that
and we're never gonna be that, fuck.
- Yeah.
- Ben.
- Look, I get it, it's fucked up
but when you stop to think about it,
what did I do wrong?
- Are you fucking stupid?
- That's Ben's girl.
- Says who?
They aren't together, right?
They aren't together, they aren't an item.
Even they'll tell you that.
- Yeah but that doesn't make it okay.
- This is how Caleb gets off scot-free all the time
for acting like a fucking child.
- They aren't together, they can fuck whoever they want.
- Are you fucking serious?
- And look at you guys, hypocrites.
Wanna remind me how single Mike was
when you two started fucking, huh?
- That's different, that's a low blow
and you fucking know it.
- How is it different, huh?
How is it different?
- 'Cause I was in love with him.
- Oh, come on!
You fucked him 'cause you wanted to fuck him.
- You need to grow the fuck up, okay?
Life isn't about fucking everything and not caring anymore.
People have lives, okay, you can't just fuck 'em up
'cause you feel like it.
- You are such a fag!
- Hey, why, why did you?
What is wrong with you?
- I'm sorry.
I'm fucking sorry.
- Ben.
Ben.
Hey.
I'm sorry, you don't deserve that.
- Why didn't you tell me you were married?
- Why would I, what's to say?
- Well, if it gets a reaction like that, clearly a lot.
- Look.
When I first met my husband,
my ex-husband, we had this,
this like crazy, intense passion and so we got married.
But you just can't love someone that fast, you know?
I mean what we had was amazing because it was never meant
to be complete and once it was...
It was just...
Look, Ben.
I'm kind of fucked up and I know you want to be the one
that fixes that,
but it's not your fault and you're not the bad guy.
I'm gonna go.
I'm just gonna go.
- Juliette, wait.
- I don't want you to need me, Ben.
- I know.
It's just...
It's been really good getting to know you.
- Yeah.
It was.
- I know you're gonna hate this but...
Do you want to come back to my place?
Hey, you awake?
- Yeah.
I'm gonna miss you, you know?
- Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too.
I'm really glad we got to do this.
- Yeah, me too.
Don't even have to switch the fingers.
- So that one-- - Easy right?
- So, three and then the two on.
- Make it, make a song.
- Okay.
- About whatever you want.
♪ It makes me sad that I make you sad ♪
♪ It makes me cry but I'm not your wife ♪
♪ I've done things that I couldn't tell you ♪
♪ Maybe that's what keeps our feelings apart ♪
♪ I'll ♪
I don't remember.
- You just switched that to a completely
different chord there.
- That's why I was stopping there, okay, your go.
- Okay. - Give me the phone.
- You're not telling him.
- Yes, I am, I have to.
- Why?
- Because he should know the truth.
- No, he shouldn't, he's happy now.
- You're saying like I'm trying to hurt him.
- Look, if you tell him all you'll do is ruin
what he had with her.
One sec.
- Look, we're gonna bury this, he's not gonna find out
and that's the least you could do for him, okay?
- Start looking for your own place.
Hey.
- Whoa, what happened to you?
- Don't, uh...
Don't bang people's girlfriends.
- You finally got a violent one, eh?
Did you guys see who fucked him up?
- No, we left just after you did.
- Are you gonna be okay?
That looks...
Not fun.
- Yeah.
- You know, I've been thinking.
- What's that?
- Your wedding.
You guys are so worried about what you're supposed to do,
right, but it's your day, isn't it?
Shouldn't it make you happy?
I think you should just get married today.
- That would be pretty great, wouldn't it?
- I'm serious.
Caleb and I will be witnesses, I'll call an officiant.
We'll get you chain and shackled beach style, do it.
- All five of us are gathered here today
to marry these two quicker than a green card wedding.
Do you, Mike, take Ali to be your husband?
- I do.
- Do you, Ali, take Mike to be your husband?
- Of course I do.
- I now pronounce you husband and husband, kiss him!
Congratulations.
- How you feeling? - It was a lot .
- That was good.
This is a good first step, Ben.
This is what life is about.
Trying stuff.
I'm crying because I got makeup in my eye.
- Yeah, I think I got some too.
- Well there was no bird, no birds.
- I guess not, although I think I might've had diarrhea.
- No birds, no di, oh, diarrhea?
That's unfortunate.
Oh, he's smiling, he had fun.