Lift it.
You! Corporal.
Inside.
Turn your pockets out, corporal.
You won this gambling, of course.
Why do you think it is?
Why do you think you have so much and the rest of us so little?
One day, you're going to make a slip.
All this wealth you've got won't check against my list.
And when you do, when that happens, I'll be ready.
Then you'll be in there. In my cage.
I'm not playing at being provost marshal.
And I never heard of luck that didn't run out.
Yours will, depend on it. Because you're like all criminals, you're greedy.
I'd like to point out that I don't have to put up with this crap.
I'm not in your two-bit army. I'm in our two-bit Army.
If you're looking for something to live for, when we get out of this...
...come looking for me. I'll hand you your head.
We'll see.
But you make one slip, just one...
...and we'll see how long you survive in my cage.
And after my cage, I'll personally...
I'll personally hand you over to the Japs.
- What's happening here? - Nothing, sir.
I'm just searching the corporal.
You're in order to search him, question him, Grey...
...but threats and abuse aren't on. They aren't on.
You ought to know better than to go around dressed like that.
Asking for trouble. Just asking for it.
Even so, quite wrong to threaten.
Not the way to treat an enlisted man.
I think...
...an apology...
If you request it, sir...
...then I apologize. - Very good.
All right, corporal, you can go, but watch the way you dress.
Yes, thank you, colonel.
- Yeah? - He had one invite out to number four.
Okay, I'll take care of it.
Find Col. Brant and give him this.
Tell him not to be so late next time.
Right. Do you know where he'd be?
By the jail. It's his day for watching Grey.
- That's all? - That's all for him.
Then go find that guy with the arm. He's got a delivery.
Come on, Tojo, time for tea.
Choice of litter, right?
Right.
- You hear the news, Max? - No.
The war's gonna last another 10 years. Official.
The last three years was just for openers.
Lee told me to tell you he'd done your laundry.
I asked him especially, and he told me to tell you.
Take one.
King, you don't have to...
It's okay. I'll call you if I need you.
You want my chow today?
- You bet. - You got it.
Max. See that guy out there with the wog?
Get him for me.
Hey, fella.
The King wants to see you.
- The who? - The King.
What, is it Garden Party Day or something?
Save the jokes. He wants to see you.
I'm not joking. We take our royal family very seriously.
- What's he want to see me about? - How would I know? Come on.
Extraordinary court procedure.
Come on. Come on.
- I was sent for, I believe. - Yeah.
Yeah. Take a seat.
Do you smoke?
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Well, help yourself.
How come we never met before?
- No idea. I haven't been anywhere. - What's your name?
Marlowe, Peter Marlowe. What's yours?
How's that chair feel?
Fine.
- Cost me 80 bucks. - Did it?
- Yes. I'd never have guessed. - You'd have said more, huh?
I don't think I'd have said anything, really.
I've never been a great chair-price guesser.
I was gonna fix some chow. Wanna join me?
I've just had lunch, thank you.
You could use some more, couldn't you? You want an egg?
Excuse me, what's all this in aid of?
- Do what? - People just don't give eggs away.
Well, I'm not people.
- Am I, Max? - No. No, you're not people, King.
- Well, you want an egg or don't you? - Well, of course I want it.
Okay, then, you got it.
How do you like it?
- Fried. - Okay.
So you got yourself a fried egg.
You're not related to either Fortnum or Mason, are you?
Who are they?
It doesn't matter. They run a little family grocery shop back home.
That's pretty neat, huh? Max wired it for me.
Just telling him you wired the hot plate.
- It's working okay, huh? - It better be.
- I gotta impress the British. - The British are impressed.
- You speak it pretty good, don't you? - British? I mean, English?
- No, you know, the lingo, out there. - Yes, I suppose so. Not too bad.
Say something for me now.
- In Malay? - Yeah.
- What sort of thing? - Anything. I just want to hear you.
That's pretty good. You hear that, Max?
What's that mean?
It doesn't really have a literal translation.
But roughly, it means:
"When do I have to kiss thee on the ass?"
After the egg, never before meals.
Plates.
Thank you.
How about that?
Not bad. Not bad at all.
The egg ain't been laid that tastes better than that.
Don't get excited, Fortnum.
When we say not bad, we don't mean "not bad."
- We mean it's bloody marvelous. - Yeah?
What do you mean when you say it's bloody marvelous?
Bit dicey.
Forget it.
- Lift your feet. - What?
Lift your feet.
- You're slumming, aren't you, Marlowe? - Don't be a snob.
Never make a good policeman if you're a snob.
Everyone looks the same with their knickers down.
- Where's your armband? - In my pocket.
It should be on your arm. Those are orders.
- They're Jap orders. We stuff those. - They're also camp orders. Put it on.
- What's the matter with you? - Nothing, sir.
Just recovering from the pleasure of seeing you twice today.
Col. Sellars has reported the theft of a gold ring.
A gold ring. Gee.
- Gee, that's tough, sir. - I believe you know Col. Sellars.
- Could you describe him to me? - You play cards with him?
That Col. Sellars. Yes. Yes.
Plays cards like an English officer and a gentleman. He would, wouldn't he?
Don't press your luck too hard, corporal. Just answer the questions.
- Did he ever show you the ring? - No, he never even discussed marriage.
- I'm warning you. - You sure you're not accusing me?
- Got a light, Grey? - No. I'm not accusing anybody.
Then can I borrow your Ronson?
- Ronson? - Yeah, it's in your top pocket, I think.
Thank you.
Well, now, this is new, isn't it?
Yes. It was mine.
- We were playing poker. I lost it to him. - You what?
I lost it to him at poker.
I had a straight, but he had better. Tell him.
- We were playing stud... - What were the cards?
- His or mine? - His.
- Aces on twos. - You're lying, Marlowe!
Why, Grey, what a thing to say! It was pathetic.
I thought I had him with a straight...
...so I threw in the lot. Threw in the Ronson.
How do you play stud, Marlowe?
- Stud? - Yes, how's it played?
- Stud? You mean ordinary stud? - Yes.
We'll show you. There's nothing like a demo.
You see, it was my hole card...
- I said I wanted you to tell me! - Temper!
Well, never mind. I don't need the cards to show you.
Four cards faceup. You can imagine that.
And one down, one in the hole.
It's just like Happy Families, really, in the nursery.
We never had a nursery, Marlowe.
That was a close one.
Too bloody true.
Here.
You're on the payroll from here on in. Twenty bucks a week.
Okay, we'll make it 30.
Shove your money.
- What'd I say? - It's what I said. Shove your money.
One can't expect bloody Yanks to understand.
All I did was up two 10s to 30.
When someone drops you in it, you don't pay them for getting you out.
So work your money.
- What'd I do? - You did nothing, King.
Thirty's above scale. You treated him right.
Well, screw the British.
Yeah, screw them.
Allied forces are still making progress in Belgium...
In the Philippines, forces drove a bridgehead in their thrust for Manila.
Formosa was bombed in daylight by B-29s without loss.
In Burma, British and Indian armies are within 30 miles of Mandalay.
Those were the news headlines. The next broadcast will be at 0600...
- You okay? - Yes, fine.
The old bladder's flaring up, though.
- What is it? - Nothing. I just been to the park.
I'm happy to say the old bladder's working. That's good news.
Beautiful. Thank you for waking me up to tell me.
God, give me a piece of your courage.
I'm so frightened. I'm such a bloody coward.
You really ate them in Java?
Not only in Java. Here in Changi. So did you.
What?
Now, we agreed we wouldn't cook anything revolting...
...unless we discussed it. We agreed. - I know we agreed!
You were dying.
And why do we collect them? It's pure protein.
For the hospital, for the seriously sick. You were sick, remember?
You were dying.
- I really ate them, did I? - You asked for second helpings.
Well, next time, I want to know. And that's a bloody order.
- Excuse me, sir. - Huh?
- Okay, I'll take it. - Right.
Col. Smedley-Taylor said two of your men were fighting.
Only two? That's a change. Who?
Cpl. Townsend and Pvt. Gurble. I've got them in jail.
- I'll deal with them after roll call. - Sir?
Pity about Marlowe's Ronson, wasn't it?
Yes, he should have been more careful. Mug's game, gambling.
- Do you mind if I see them alone? - No, sir.
Let them out, will you?
Right. Why were you fighting? I want the truth now, no flannel. Townsend?
Well? I'm waiting.
This bloody sod accused me of stealing me mate's grub.
- You were. - That's enough of that.
If you have a charge to make, make it. Come on. We haven't got all night.
It's my month on cookhouse detail, and today we had 184 to cook for.
- He's me best mate, and I trusted him. - I never touched a grain. I swear.
When I got back, we were short two blokes' rations.
- I know, but I never touched it. - Were they short?
- Sir, I never touched them. - Were they short like he said?
Yes, sir.
Check the weights.
- I checked them under his nose. - We must check them again.
Lead the way, will you? We'll go to the storehouse and settle it.
That day, on my last leave...
...she said...
I said, " I'll always keep myself clean for you."
Oh, God, I'll make any sort of a bargain with you.
Just don't let her think that I'm dead.
Don't let her think that I'm dead.
As far as I'm concerned, Gurble, the case is proved.
You're out of my regiment. You're dead. You don't exist.
You keep your mouth shut.
- My bloody oath... - Keep your mouth shut!
The news was good last night.
We're only 30 miles from where the flying fishes play.
By the way, I nearly forgot. The wife asked if you'd like to come to dinner.
We're just having a few people in, nothing formal.
Would you say thank you to her? But I have a dinner engagement.
Well, there it is. Good.
Another time, perhaps. Good.
That was my mistake the other day.
I got stupid. I offered the dough because I wanted to thank you.
It's okay. I got a lousy temper and an awful accent. I sound toffee-nosed.
You British insult easy. Can't catch one of these cruds passing up a buck.
Nothing. Go find Prouty in the Garden of Eden and finish the deal.
I'm different from Hawkins. I let my doggy off the leash.
Look, can I offer you a Kooa? I mean, is that all right?
Sure. That's different.
There is a radio in this hut!
Let me handle it.
Now let me in, will you?
- Good morning, captain. - It is not a good morning.
There is a radio. A radio is against the orders of the Imperial Army.
Yes, well, I don't know anything about it.
- Do you know anything about it? - No, sir.
- What about you? - No, sir.
Where's the wireless?
Now, look, it's got to be found, so where is it?
I order those responsible to hand it over immediately.
I'm asking you once more. You, what's your name?
- It. Spence, sir. - Where is it hidden?
I don't know what you're talking about, sir.
Grey! You're provost marshal.
If there's one here, it's your responsibility.
- I know nothing of a wireless. - You should!
I'll have you court-martialed, and it'll show on your record.
- Brough! What do you know? - Nothing. And it's Maj. Brough.
It's just the sort of trouble you bloody Americans cause.
- I don't have to take that. - You stand to attention...
I'm senior American officer, and I don't have to take that from you!
There's no radio or wireless, as you call it, in this hut that I know of.
And if there was, I sure as hell wouldn't tell you, colonel.
Well, then, we'll search the hut. That's what we'll do.
Every officer will stand by his bed at attention.
- Do you hear me? Attention! - Shut up, Jones.
- There's a wireless in this hut, sir. - Yes, and I said, shut up.
- Can I help you? - There is a radio here.
- According to the Geneva Convention... - I know the code of ethics.
If you believe there's a radio, search for it. If you know where, take it.
- It's your job to enforce the law. - My job is to enforce civilized law.
If you want to cite law, then obey it yourself.
Give us the food and medical supplies to which we're entitled.
- One day you will go too far, colonel. - One day I'll be dead, captain.
Probably I'll die of apoplexy...
...enforcing insane laws imposed by incompetent administrators.
I shall report your impertinence to Gen. Shima.
Yes, please do.
Then ask him who ordered that each man should catch 20 flies a day.
And that they should be collected, counted and delivered daily, by me.
Everybody outside, please.
Now you may make your search, captain.
Who belongs to this bunk?
I have no idea. I'll ask.
And this. And this.
Who uses this bunk?
- Your name? - Capt. Daven, infantry.
- Did you make this radio? - Yes.
I ordered him to make it. It's my responsibility.
- Is this true? - No.
- Who else knew about your radio? - No one. I made it alone.
It's all right, old boy. I'm just as frightened as you are.
You men, pick up this bunk and follow me.
Doctor, could you come here a minute, please?
He's lucky. No more aches.
What'd he die of?
Changi blues, mostly.
You mean, the will to live?
No, not quite that...
...corporal.
It is corporal, isn't it? Cpl. King?
He quit believing in the pigheaded, totally unreasonable will not to die.
There's a difference, you know.
Perhaps you don't know.
I don't suppose that kind of subtlety bothers you very much.
Maybe not. Touch wood.
I wouldn't put much faith in that wood, probably contaminated.
You don't have any tobacco, do you?
- I hear you're good for a little extra. - Yeah.
Yeah, I was just gonna bring some to him.
He won't miss it. Thank you.
You must tell me your secret one day, corporal.
Medically, it ought to be very valuable.
I'm just lucky, sir.
Oh, no.
That won't do.
Oh, thanks. Can you spare it?
I don't smoke. Never have.
Could you get my boots, old man? I've got to get up.
- Where are they? - At the foot of the bed.
I've kept those.
- I've kept them in good shape. - Yes, you did.
There.
I've had enough, thanks.
I'm dying.
Yes.
- Orderly. - Yes?
Get the corpse detail to take Sgt. Masters' bed.
Capt. Daven's will be free too. But don't let them take the boots.
Yes, sir. What about Col. Hutton? Do I give him quinine?
- Of course give him quinine. - Well, I'm sorry. Just asking.
Only doctors authorize drugs.
Give him quinine and stop pretending you're Florence Nightingale.
There are two appendectomies for tomorrow morning.
Right. I'll see them before I go off.
- Do you want me to do them? - No, I will.
- Evening, doctor. - Hello, Stevie.
By the way, I finished the autopsy on the man found in the borehole.
Death was from suffocation.
If you find a man headfirst down a borehole...
...death will likely be from suffocation. - Yes.
Well, I wrote... I put on the death certificate:
"Suicide while the balance of the mind was disturbed."
- Do you want that? - Oh, thank you, sir.
Have they identified the body?
Yes. It was a Pvt. Gurble. Unusual name.
- Not the way I'd choose for suicide. - No.
- Unless, of course, he was put there. - Oh?
- Why do you say that? - Well, they held a court of inquiry.
- He'd been caught stealing rations. - I see.
Either way, murder or suicide, I'd say he deserved it, wouldn't you?
Yes, I suppose so.
- I'd better go and finish my rounds. - Yes. Well, good night, colonel.
Want a smoke, Stevie?
- There it is! - Don't let it get away!
- Watch out, watch out! - Get it out!
- Get him! - There he is!
- Get him! Get him! - Right there!
All right, knock it off! Just hold it! Knock it off.
Will you knock it off?!
Now, just leave it where it is. Don't kill it.
- I got a better idea. Tex? - Yeah?
Get a blanket.
- Blanket? - Yeah. Yeah. Come on, will you?
That's it. You and Max trap it. Come on. I want it alive.
- With my blanket? You crazy? - I'll get you another one. Catch it.
Come on. Give me the other end.
Let's throw it down and jump, okay?
- Right. - Come on. Now!
- I got it! - Take it!
- Go on. - Hey, I got it!
All right. All right. Knock it off! Now, quiet!
- Max, you take it. - I don't want it. It's his blanket.
Tex, you go put on the java while I work this out.
Gather around and hear the words of the King.
And the whole court strained in obedience.
Come on, come on, come on.
All right, so we got ourselves a real live rat, right?
- Yeah. So? - So? So use your imagination.
What don't we have a lot of in Changi?
Yeah, besides that.
- Come on. Food. Right? - What's that got to do with rats?
God.
You're not thinking what I think you're thinking, are you?
You got it.
- Only we're not gonna eat it. - Eat it?
- Eat what? What's he talking about? - Rat meat.
You're out of your mind. Who would buy rat meat?
Let me finish. Of course nobody will buy it if they know it's rat.
But suppose they don't. Suppose we say it's rabbit.
There are no rabbits in Malaya.
We'll think of something else. What are you all knocking it for?
Do you think we can get away with squirrel?
That's it, squirrel. Good.
Still not a lip-smacker, is it?
Wait a sec. Wait a sec. I know.
- I know. Deer. - Deer?
What kind of game you got back home?
No, not the usual kind of deer.
I mean rusa tikas. They're about...
Well, they're tiny. They're about 8 inches high.
The natives consider them to be a great delicacy.
Rusa tikas translated means "mouse deer."
That's it, then. We're in the rusa tikas business.
Now, first we got to find out whether it's male or female.
Then we get the opposite one, and we're on our way to our first million.
Now, how we gonna sex it?
Hey. I read in Reader's Digest that the Japs are big sexers.
- That's with eggs, dummy. - Leave it to me. I'll tell you.
Okay. You got the job. Now we got two things to do.
Liberate another rat, and then we gotta find out about their habits.
- Well, Vexley's your man for that. - Vexley? Who's Vexley?
Join my class?
- You really want to join my class? - If it wouldn't be too much trouble.
No. Delighted, old chap.
Delighted.
- Squadron Leader Vexley. - Pleased to meet you.
Hello, Peter.
All right, then.
Comfortable?
Good. Now, today...
Today I was going to talk about...
...the largest of mammals: Whales.
Do you know anything about whales?
Huh?
Whales are, without doubt...
...the highest form to which nature has aspired.
Now, you take the sulfur-bottomed whale...
...the most powerful animal in existence.
Now, you take its mating habits.
Its mating is marvelous.
There's no other word for it.
The male...
...starts his titillation...
...by blowing glorious clouds of spray.
He then pounds the water with his tail near to the female...
...who waits with patient lust...
...on the ocean's surface.
He then dives deep and soars up out of the water...
...huge, vast, enormous...
...and crashes back with thundering flukes...
...churning the water into spray, pounding at the water.
- You have a question? - Yes, what about rats?
I beg your pardon?
This is interesting about whales, but what about rats?
- What about rats? - Do you know anything about them?
Rodents are entirely different. Now, to return...
- What do you mean? - What?
How are they different?
I'll deal with them in the next series.
There's nothing about them to like.
Why are they disgusting, sir? I mean, do they have bad habits?
- Everything about them is... - Cigarette, sir?
Why...
...thank you, corporal.
Take a couple, sir.
I'm sure you'll need them if you're gonna go into rats in detail.
Well...
Right. Now...
So, gentlemen, the female can have up to 12 litters a year...
...and anything up to 14 per litter.
The young being born blind and helpless 22 days.
Twenty-two days, gentlemen, after contact.
The young open their eyes in two weeks...
...and they become sexually active in two months.
- Holy cow! - Know what that means?
That means in six months, we're gonna be knee-deep in tikas.
Holy cow.
On the other hand, they do have some rather nasty habits.
Number one: They're cannibals.
Number two: They'll fight if left to their own devices.
But on the credit side, they'll eat anything.
I repeat, anything, dead or alive.
Which means we got no logistics problem.
I got another one.
While you jokers are talking, I'm out doing.
- It's the right mate too. - How do you know?
- I looked. - Well, what are we waiting for?
Tex, Dino, keep lookout.
Hey.
Looks like Vexley knows what he's talking about.
Start counting the days, gentlemen.
He looks different.
Don't you think he looks different somehow?
Yeah, he looks like a married man.
All clear?
Come on, we got things to do.
You wanna do something for me tonight? Do a little interpreting?
Yeah. Yeah, all right.
What have you got in there, Marlowe?
- Food. - Could I see it, please?
Stop picking on me, Grey.
Where'd you get it?
- I was given it. - We can guess who by, can't we?
- Where are you taking it? - To the hospital.
- Who for? - Mac. Any more questions?
No. Not for the time being.
Don't forget, you and your crook friend are on my list.
I haven't forgotten about the Ronson.
I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't broken orders.
You will, Marlowe, you will.
If you sell your soul, you've got to pay sometime.
Don't give me all that sally army stuff.
I judge a man by the company he keeps.
Your friend's a crook, a liar and a thief.
You're right about one thing, Grey. He is my friend.
But he's not a crook and he's not a thief.
But he's a liar.
We're all liars, Grey. You denied the radio.
You gotta be a liar to stay alive.
Do a lot of things to stay alive.
Like kissing a corporal's ass to get food?
I said it first, Grey.
You won't believe me, but I said it before you.
He's not interested. He says the market's very poor.
Yeah, that's why he's here risking his neck.
Tell him 3000. Tell him I'm sorry it's overpriced.
- He offers 600. - Tell him to work it.
No, no. That's a joke. Now, you're doing very well.
Tell him I can't insult the owner with such an offer.
- How'd we do? - Well, he's gone to 1000.
I'd need more than that to live with the smell.
Tell him I sold one just like it a week ago to one of his buddies for 3000.
Tell him it's only because I like his smiling face, et cetera...
...you know, the usual horse manure. Work him up a few hundred at a time.
I gotta go consult with the owner.
Four hundred? Why, everybody knows an Omega's worth at least 2000.
I agree, sir, but you know, beggars can't be choosers, sir.
I did my best. I really put it to him.
I'm sure you did, I'm sure, corporal. Not your fault, don't think that.
But... But what am I to do?
Could you have one more try? Please! See what you can do. Please!
I have great faith in you. I couldn't take less than 1200.
Well, I don't think I can do much, sir, but...
Okay, I'll give it another try.
- Twenty-six hundred dollars? - Twenty-six hundred.
Watch it because he spits when he's doing the "I've been robbed" speech.
Poor man's Bela Lugosi. He'll come back.
- He's gone to 2100. - That's what he intended to pay.
Tell him 2600 or nothing.
Twenty-two hundred, and that's his final offer.
Yeah, it probably is too.
All right, tell him I accept. Tell him he's too tough for me.
Tell him I'll have to give my commission to make up the difference.
- Only 900? - Afraid so, sir.
I had to sweat blood to get that. Nine hundred, less commission.
Terribly disappointed. It's the last thing I owned.
Well, things are getting tougher all the time. Good night, sir.
- I didn't bring you much luck, did I? - You owe me 2 bucks.
- Two what? For what? - It's your commission.
You don't think I'd put you to work for nothing, do you?
I'm not entitled to anything for interpreting. I was happy to do it.
Listen, take it, $108. Ten percent. It's yours. You earned it.
Look, how in the hell can I earn $108 out of a total of 2200...
...and there was no profit? I'm not taking it.
Boy, I don't know how you survived in this world up to now.
Look, let's go through the facts of life.
Now, your gallant Maj. Prouty is selling me a phony.
So he deserves whatever he gets.
Think he gives a damn about me if the watch backfires?
Maybe he stole it, who knows?
Anyway, he asked me 1200. Now, I asked Torusumi 26...
...and he settles for 22 because he knows he can get rid of it for 35.
I give Prouty 900, less 10 percent.
And he goes home thinking that he's taken me, so everybody's happy.
Now, as to overheads, I had to pay $100 to get the watch fixed.
You know, so it shouldn't fall apart in his hands.
Another 120 for various safety measures.
That makes 1120.
Now 1120 from 2200 is $1080 even.
Ten percent of that is 108.
I gave you 110, so you owe me 2 bucks. Okay?
You worked for it. It's yours. Nobody is giving you anything for nothing.
No.
Well, cheer up, old boy.
Listen, on your way home, you'll see Brant.
Give him his wages, will you?
- Brant? You mean Col. Brant? - Yeah, Col. Brant.
Give him his wages. He'll take it.
Well, trust me. Good night.
Good night.
Murder!
Murder. I want the charge of murder sworn out.
I demand a court-martial for murder!
Look. Look! Look!
That beast killed one of my children. I want a charge of murder sworn out!
- What beast are you talking about? - That beast, that murderer!
He's mad. It was an accident. The dog got off the leash, that's all.
I keep telling him it was an accident.
He killed it. That bloody beast killed my child and ate it!
- Colonel, it's a hen, not a child. - My hens are children, idiots.
I'll kill him and his bloody beast.
I've said I'm sorry.
If I had the money, I'd buy you 10, 20 hens, but I can't.
- For God's sake, do something. - What can I do, except report it?
- You'll have to get rid of this dog. - What do you mean?
- What I said, get rid of it. Kill it!
- You can't order me to do that. - Like hell I can't.
You've been told to keep out of this area. It killed the hen.
I'm gonna kill it. The dog's mine to kill, an eye for an eye.
Col. Foster, I have ordered Capt. Hawkins to destroy his dog.
It's mine. I'm gonna kill it just like it killed my baby.
Col. Foster, accept my apologies. I'll do anything you want...
...but let me keep my dog. - If you don't get away, colonel...
...I'll put you under arrest.
I'll get even with you. Murderer. I'll get even with you.
I'll get even with you.
My baby.
Grey, please take back that order, please.
It's such a small thing to ask. I'll do anything at all.
But I can't. You know I can't. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do.
You'll have to kill your dog.
I don't care how you do it, but do it quickly.
Help! Help us.
Somebody, please help us.
Somebody, help us.
Please.
You're sure about this, are you?
And that was the whole message, just "come here, 54"?
Come on in.
It's my birthday. I thought I'd invite you for dinner.
It's real, is it? Is it real? Is it real pig?
You fantastic sod, you're just the bloody end. Where did you get it?
A long story.
You couldn't invent the wheel, by any chance?
- What's all the big noise about? - Griffiths, is that you?
- Want to get us jailed or something? - No, sorry. Sorry.
- Keep the noise down, you stupid git! - Who was it?
That's Griffiths. He owns this cell. I hired it at 3 bucks an hour.
- You don't get nothing for nothing. - You hired the cell?
Griffiths is a smart cookie. Thousands of guys here, right?
No peace and quiet. Griffiths hires it out for anybody wants to do a Garbo.
I bet this wasn't his original idea.
There's no pulling the wool over your eyes, is there?
How much you make on it, corporal?
Just an honest 10 percent.
Check the door seals, Tex.
This smell gets out, we can get torn apart.
I think just a little more salt.
What do you think, sir?
I wouldn't know. I'm drooling so much I lost my sense of taste.
Pete?
- Well, just a dash, just a dash. - May I? May I?
You may be right.
Only a touch, mind.
Yes, well, thanks for licking the spoon.
Now, come on, you've got to tell us, where did you get it?
It's... It's Hawkins' dog.
- Mother of God. Hawkins' dog? - You said pig.
- Now, don't kid us, will you? - No, but you said pig.
No, you said pig. I didn't say anything.
Good night!
Oh, God, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
What's the difference? Dog, pig, what's the big difference?
Meat's meat.
He's quite right. There's nothing wrong with eating dog.
- The Chinese eat them all the time. - We're not Chinese.
- You're hungry, aren't you? - That's not the point. It isn't any dog.
- This is Hawkins' dog. - Now, wait a minute.
Just because you know it, that makes the difference?
Boy, that's really British hairsplitting.
- Why don't you smell it? - We don't need to smell it.
It's the greatest thing since Bisto. It isn't that. It's what Pete said.
It is, huh? Did you ever eat live lobster?
Take a fish out of the water, put it straight in the pan?
Or what about them geese they got back in Europe?
They nail their feet down, then force corn down their gullets...
...through a funnel till their livers burst. So don't tell me about Hawkins' dog.
Now, you don't want to eat it, just sit there and watch. It's a free prison.
I suppose nothing so shocking about it if you rationalize it.
I say there's a difference. This is Hawkins' dog.
Correction, it was Hawkins' dog. Now it's just meat.
You tasted it, didn't you? Well, didn't you?
Tasted good, didn't it? So, what are you pussyfooting about?
You've already eaten it.
Are we?
Are we under starter's orders?
Think fast. Off you go, lads.
Well, that's it for another day. 2163 officers and men...
...541 pounds of rice issued at 4 ounces per man.
One bag was short 10 pounds with a balance of 20 and a quarter pounds.
- Dysentery? - Yes. Got it back bad today, sir.
- Thank you, sir. See you next week. - Yes. Take care now.
- Don't bother. - Sorry, sir. Careless.
This weight's been tampered with.
What? That's impossible. Let me see.
No, it's not been tampered with. This is merely a corrective hole.
This weight was probably a fraction heavier than it's supposed to be.
You had me worried there for a moment.
- They've all been tampered with! - They're corrective.
Don't give me that. I know enough about weights and measures...
...to know holes aren't allowed, no corrective holes.
If the weight's wrong, it's never issued.
- What do you know about this? - Why, nothing, sir.
- I don't believe you. - You can't accuse me, sir.
- I don't know anything about it. - We'll put it to the test, shall we?
I'm gonna go outside and show everybody this...
...and we'll see what they do. - Now wait a minute, sir.
You're right. But it wasn't me, sir. It was the colonel.
He caught me pinching some rice. Said he'd turn me in...
...if I didn't help him. - Shut up, you fool!
You're not gonna listen to that. The fool's trying to implicate me.
- I had no idea this was going on. - But he's got the key, sir.
The key to the safe, where the weights are.
- It couldn't have been me, sir. - Shut up, Blakeley!
Now shut up, do you hear me?
How long have these weights been in use, colonel? A year, two years?
I have no idea. If they're fixed, it's nothing to do with me.
But you have the key and keep them locked up?
Yes, but that doesn't...
Have you looked at the bottom of the weights?
- No, I haven't. - Well, isn't that a bit odd?
No, it isn't. I won't be cross-questioned, lieutenant.
You'd better be telling the truth, colonel.
Are you threatening me? If you are, I'll have you court-martialed.
I don't know. I'm here legally. The weights have been tampered with.
- Haven't they? - I suppose so, yes, but...
- Right. - That doesn't mean...
I'll tell you what it means. It means you or Blakeley is responsible.
- You're the only two allowed here. - It wasn't me. I swear to God.
- I only got one pound in 10. - You shut up!
Please, sir, don't say anything. They'll tear us to pieces.
- I hope they do, Blakeley. - Listen, Grey, we can sort this out.
Maybe someone has meddled with them, but the amount is insignificant.
Look, Blakeley, wait outside.
Stay where you are, Blakeley.
There's no need for Blakeley to go, is there, sir?
No. Walls don't have ears.
You'll get a pound of rice a week.
- Is that all? - Okay, 2 pounds.
And half a pound of dried fish.
No sugar or eggs?
They both go to the hospital, you know that.
What do you say?
I tell you what I say, colonel.
I'm gonna go to Col. Smedley-Taylor...
...and I'm gonna tell him what you've just said.
And I'm gonna show him this. And if there's a borehole party...
...and I pray there will be, I'm going to ask to lead it...
...and I'm personally going to shove you down, but not too fast...
...because I want to hear you scream for a long, long time before you die.
Oh, my God.
I figure you Australian thieves are the only thieves who can supply in bulk.
I'll tell you what I'm prepared to offer. You supply the cages...
...and market the produce, we'll cut you in for 50 percent.
- Are you interested? - Yeah, yeah, seems like a proposition.
So we got ourselves a deal, right?
Nothing like dealing with your own kind, is there?
When are you gonna start deliveries? I got to get my organization primed.
Let me see.
- Kurt, what do you think? - Five weeks outside.
They should have some meat on them in a month.
Okay? We figured hind legs only. Ten a week.
You know, make it a real luxury trade.
I gotta mention this. I'm not too keen on selling to any cobbers.
You know, mates. It just don't seem right, does it?
King, you know, he's got a point there.
Yeah, that's right. We can't sell to buddies.
Yeah, well, I figured that one too.
Gentlemen, our policy will be brass only.
- Brass only? - Majors and up.
Genius. I tell you, he's a genius.
I've seen It. Col. Jones, Quartermaster Sgt. Blakeley...
...and relieved them of their duties as of today.
And now we'll forget the matter.
I say, "we," because you are to forget it with me.
In fact, I'll make it an order. You're to forget it ever happened.
We can't do that, sir. We caught them red-handed, stealing the camp food.
That's your food and mine. They deserve to be topped.
Nevertheless, under the circumstances...
...this is the decision I've made. - What circumstances?
You can't let them off scot-free. You can't.
Don't tell me what I can or cannot do, lieutenant.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir.
But, sir, those men are thieves. I caught them.
- I repeat, the incident is closed. - By God, it's not closed!
I won't let it be closed. They've been eating while we've been starving.
- I insist that they... - You can't insist on anything.
I intend sending the following to the camp commandant:
"I strongly commend It. Robin Grey, Royal Tank Corps...
...for his work as provost marshal, Changi Prison.
His consistent performance of duty in difficult surroundings...
...is, beyond question, of the highest order.
I would like to recommend that he be given the acting rank of captain."
You hypocrite. I think you're in with them.
Well, none of you are gonna get away with it.
I can't prove anything against you. I've got proof against the others.
- I've got this weight. - What about the weight, lieutenant?
- I said, what about the weight? - This... This isn't the same.
- This isn't the one I gave you. - You're quite wrong, lieutenant.
It's exactly the same one.
Now, you're a young man, Grey.
I understand you want to stay in the Army when the war's over?
Well, that's good.
The Army can use hardworking, intelligent officers.
I'm sure that I could prevail on the commandant...
...to add to my recommendation...
...that you be granted a permanent commission.
You're just overwrought at the moment, understandably so.
These are terrible times, Grey.
Terrible times.
But we must get them into the right perspective.
I consider it imperative that we let this tragic matter drop...
...for all our sakes.
No good purpose could possibly be served.
I'm sure when you've had a chance to think it over as carefully as I have...
...you'll appreciate the wisdom of my decision.
Have you any objection to my sending this forward?
Good.
We can take it as read, then.
Your promotion is confirmed.
Good night, captain.
Okay, guys, let's get it onto the truck. Right.
All right, okay, swing it over to you. You'll have to come back this way.
- Hold it! - Hold it!
Roll it!
Don't eat too much rich food. You should live to play the violin again.
You're lucky. No bones broken.
Now, think about something else for a bit.
You got tickets for the play?
It should be a good one.
I helped write, or rather, remember, the last act.
I saw the original production on my honeymoon, believe it or not.
Jessica Tandy, I remember.
She played the character of the young lady living in freedom.
She had a line...
I remember as if it was yesterday.
The young man said to her, "My dear Audrey."
It was his line, not hers. That's right. "My dear Audrey," he said...
..."you'll get spots on your nose if you drink when it's hot."
I'll never forget that.
Even though I was on my honeymoon...
...I fell in love with Audrey, young lady living in freedom.
And now our Sean will be playing the role.
- What's the matter with you, Stevens? - Nothing, sir.
You're a liar, Stevens. You shave your legs and you're a liar.
But you care. You care. That's what saves you.
- Saves me from what, sir? - Yourself, Stevens, yourself.
I thought you were gonna say, "From a fate worse than death," sir.
There's no such thing.
Did you draw your tickets for the first night?
You know, I never saw a play before I came in here.
Movies, yeah, but never saw a play.
Buster Crabbe. You ever see Buster Crabbe?
Yeah, I think so.
That's the kind of acting I like, boy. Buster Crabbe, Edward G. Robinson.
Those movie guys, boy, they got it made.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. It just aches a bit, that's all.
You know, before this, everybody had it made but me.
Closest I ever got was to read it out of magazines.
I used to watch fancy dolls getting out of cars...
...going in to eat the big dinner...
...and they were always with pigs. You know, real pigs.
Fat old guys, but they had it made.
Let's go.
I'll see you.
I was saying to the wife, we did the right thing...
...having him put down like that. - What?
The wife, she took it very badly, but I was explaining to her...
...they don't feel anything. The vet just gave him an injection...
...and he went to sleep. And I held him in my arms all the time.
He didn't feel a thing, just went to sleep.
Pete?
Where you been? I've been looking for you.
What's wrong?
It's all set with Tinker. We're going through with the diamond deal tonight.
- What's wrong? - They're gonna cut my arm off.
I've got gangrene.
Now, look, Pete, understand me, what I'm gonna say.
I'm not playing dirty pool, but you gotta be there tonight.
Pete, listen, I know what I'm saying. This isn't just any deal.
If the war ends, the Japs are gonna massacre every man in camp.
The only chance will be if you have money to buy your way out.
This is gonna be our ticket.
- We gotta go through with the deal. - Sod your deal! The war isn't over!
Shut up! Shut up!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Pete, but you've gotta translate for me tonight.
Now, I'll come up with something, I promise you.
We gotta have that dough. You see that, don't you?
Either way, it's just you and me.
I will come up with something, I promise you.
Now come on.
Come on.
Never been licked yet, have I?
- You okay? Can you hold on? - Yeah.
Keep your eyes peeled down there.
I'll call you when I want you.
- He's got money. - Count it.
30,000, five in Straits dollars at 8 to 1. I'll be right back with the goods.
- It's all there. - Right. Show him the diamond.
It's Grey! It's Grey!
Stay where you are!
Head them off!
Right down there. See them anywhere down there?
There they are!
They're this way. Come here! This way!
This way.
Double back! Double back!
There's one chance.
You go through the wire. I'll cover for you.
- I'll never make it. - Yes, you will.
When you get through...
...bury the dough and then come back through the same place.
- I'll cover for you. Now, damn it, go! - Never make it.
Yes, you will.
You save the dough, and I'll save your arm.
- What? - Yes. You heard me. Now go, go!
How can you..? How can you..?
You, corporal! Stand where you are.
- Search him. - All right.
What is this?
- Nothing on him, sir. - Where's Marlowe?
- I've no idea, sir. - Where's the money?
- What money, sir? - Money from the sale of the diamond.
What diamond, sir?
All right. All right, corporal.
The war will be over one day, and then you'll get yours.
All right, sir. I believe you.
But until then...
Pete's over the wire, behind hut 14. Make sure he gets back safe.
- You wanted to see me, sport? - Yeah. I want some drugs.
Antitoxin. A bottle of it. And some sulfonamide powder.
- That's a bit strong, mate. - Look, I'll level with you. It's for Pete.
If I don't get it, they're gonna cut his arm off. He's got gangrene.
So, what's it cost to save an arm?
For a cobber, I'll do it for 400. That's a special rate.
- Okay, you got a deal. - It takes three days.
- No, sir, buddy, I gotta have it tonight. - It's gonna cost you another 400.
Okay. Okay, you win.
But you get it here tonight, do you hear me?
Oh, Pete, you gonna make up a fourth?
We've saved a place for you.
We dealt already, but there's no fiddle.
How are you, Peter?
My word, the news is very good, isn't it?
Man, who dealt this lot? You did, McCoy, you twit.
Won't be long now. Oh, no. Now, what have we got here?
Two spades, I think, if it's me. Is it me?
As a matter of fact, it isn't. Pass.
- Pete? - What? Oh, three diamonds.
Pass.
- Three spades, I think. - Pass.
- Pass?
- You should have more faith, Peter.
- Still, I'll do my best. - You'll do what?
- I'll have a go, as they say. - No, what did you say? Faith?
Do what? Don't give me faith. Don't give me that old line of bull...
...vicar, padre, whatever you like to call yourself.
You know what you can do with your faith? Work it!
- All right. - Don't say, "all right."
He knows what I'm talking about, don't you, Father?
- Pete, look... - Oh, shut up.
I like to talk about it, about God and faith and mercy and all the other stuff.
What can God do about anything? And really do, I mean!
- He can heal. - He can what? Heal?
Did you say, "heal"? It's a good job he's done here, isn't it?
This is one of his major successes. I suppose dying of dysentery...
...and blindness doesn't matter. He couldn't be bothered about that.
Do you know what I think? Oh, I think God's a maniac.
A vicious, sadistic maniac!
You can take your God, vicar, and his precious faith.
It's both a stinking, dirty joke.
- Where's the nurse? - Stevens couldn't get here tonight.
- I'm gonna give him the first one. - Know how?
Of course I know how. You got water boiling?
- Yeah, right here. - You better know how to do it.
Here, pour a drop in there, will you, mate?
Keep the rest on the boil.
I gotta give him a shot of morphine first.
And then I gotta clean the wound up the best I can.
Hey, give us some more light, will you? Quick.
Yeah, that's that.
Sterilize that again, will you? Fill it up from this bottle.
Let's get around there, all right, mate.
There we are.
Get this bloody bandage off, that's all.
Grip up. It could be too late.
Get rid of them. Bury them.
Tex.
You've gotta watch this...
...because if Stevens don't come, you'll have to do it.
Now, the injection's gotta be intravenous. First you find the vein.
You see, there it is there. Now you stick the needle in...
...and pull the plunger back until you draw a bit of blood back in the syringe.
See, like that. That way you're sure you've got the vein.
Now, when you are sure, you squirt the antitoxin in.
But nice and slowly, mate. Easy does it.
Until it's all gone. There.
That's gotta be done every six hours till the stuff's used up.
If you miss once, you might as well not have started.
- How long will he be out? - Oh, a couple of hours, I reckon.
Well, we might as well settle up now.
We settle up when the diamond deal goes through.
No, sport. I deliver, I get paid. The diamond deal...
...has nothing to do with it. - There's no harm waiting.
I'll tell you the bleeding harm, mate. If I can't get...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don't tell me you haven't got it.
Oh, I got it. I got it. I just don't know where it is.
He's the only one knows where it is.
Well, there's a fair old bundle riding on his chances, ain't there?
We'll be in touch, sooner or later. Good night, sport.
Have I been to get it?
- Don't worry about it. - Have I been to get the money?
No, not yet. No sweat. As soon as you get better.
You still got this.
I got the stuff for you like I promised.
You had the first shot. That's why you've been out so long.
You know there's nothing I can say.
Well, you could say I'm a genius. You could say that.
It's better. And I got your money.
You sod!
You sod. We did it. We did it! We did it!
Come on, tell me, am I the King? Am I the King?
- Can you smell cooking? - Yes, sir.
I've been smelling it all morning, on and off. It seems to be all over.
I have to hand it to you...
...delicious, absolutely delicious.
A little stringy, perhaps, but nevertheless delicious.
Yes, just splendid, just splendid.
Just splendid.
Yes, well...
...I wouldn't say no to a second helping.
Any chance you getting any more?
Could be. I do have a certain amount of influence.
- Sir? - Nothing yet.
The commandant's still arguing with them.
What gets me is, there are no reprisals.
When they find a radio, you know there's trouble.
Can't remember anything different that happened that night?
No, it happened too quickly.
When I woke up, they were being marched out. I didn't talk to them.
Well, as far as we know, they're still in there.
- They want to see us, George. - Any idea what's happening, sir?
No, I haven't learned anything. All very polite. But...
Unless they're planning to make an example.
They're usually overpolite when it comes to ceremonial death.
- Well, we'd better find out, hadn't we? - All of us, sir?
Yes, they asked for all senior officers.
We, the emperor, have ordered the Imperial Government to notify...
...the United States, Great Britain, China and the Soviet Union...
...that we accept their joint declaration.
The enemy has made use of an inhuman bomb...
...and is subjecting innocent people to grievous wounds and massacre.
To continue the war would not only lead to the annihilation of our nature...
...but the destruction of human civilization as well.
How could we protect our innumerable subjects, who are like newborns for us?
How could we ask forgiveness of the divine spirits of our imperial ancestors?
When our thoughts dwell on those, our subjects, who died in battle...
...and those who perished by premature death...
...and on the families they left behind them, we feel profoundly upset.
It is our desire to initiate an era of peace for future generations...
...by tolerating the intolerable and enduring the unendurable...
...remembering our heavy responsibilities...
...and the length of road yet to be covered...
...and concentrating all our strengths on the construction of the future...
...animated by deep morality and firm honesty.
We swear to hold the flower of our national policies high...
...resolved not to remain backward in the general progress of the world.
We ask you, our subjects, to be in the incarnation of our will.
Am I to take it that...
...the war is over?
Yes, the war is over.
The war's over!
We made it! We made it!
It don't make sense.
It just don't make sense.
Hey, Max.
You wanna make us all some victory coffee?
- What about my rats? - What?
Who's gonna take care of my rats after I've gone?
- You haven't gone yet. - What about them?
You don't realize they've been born in captivity.
They don't know no different.
Well, open up their cages. They'll soon learn.
- Huh, Max? - Yeah.
I wonder...
I guess there's been some big changes back home.
I bet there's been some big changes back home, huh, Pop?
You make it.
What are you doing? Look at my shoes!
Make me a fresh cup of coffee, corporal.
Get out before I put my foot through your face.
Oh, you do that. You just do that. I'll bust you.
Don't forget, I got the rank.
I am a top sergeant.
Top sergeant. I can have you court-martialed.
- Tex, get that pot. - Listen, listen!
What do you want? Money?
I got money. Good Jap money.
Here, 90 bucks. Enough for one cup of coffee.
You make it. You make it, corporal.
- Tex, get that pot. - Stay where you are!
Stay where you are. Stay.
As of now, I assume full military command of this hut!
Under the authority invested in me, this hut is now under full military..!
I'll kill you!
No! What are you doing?
What are you..? What are you..? What are you doing?
I wondered where you were. I missed you at the play.
What do you want?
Sir?
I just wanted to see you.
Well, you've seen me.
All right, soldier, salute me.
I said, salute.
Salute me, you bastard.
Now get in that bloody guardhouse and stay there.
Good. The next time I say salute, salute!
And you.
Hello.
I'm Weaver, paratroop corps.
Can you tell me or show me who's in command here?
You are British, aren't you? There's no need to be afraid of me.
I was passing bricks back there myself.
I couldn't think what to say to them. I just kept repeating myself.
You are British, aren't you?
Well, the war's over, you see. I've been sent on ahead.
To look after you.
Smoke?
They're the real stuff. From home.
Players for you, remember?
What's the matter?
The war is over.
Welcome to Changi, sir.
Thank God somebody here is normal.
I'm Capt. Weaver. I've been sent to look after the camp...
...until the main lot arrives, which could be any moment now.
I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me.
Most of them are in a state of shock, sir. It's been a long time.
Yes, I suppose it has.
- You're not British, are you? - No, I'm American, sir. Cpl. King.
There are a few of us colonials scattered around.
Maj. Brough is our officer. Maybe you'd like to meet him.
Yes. Yes, of course.
Who are those poor sorts, corporal?
Just some of the guys. Officers.
- Officers? - Yeah.
These are officers' huts. The enlisted men are inside the wall.
- Are they all like that? - Sir?
Do they all look like that?
- Then why are you so different? - Sir?
Why are you so different?
- How do you mean, sir? - Why are you dressed properly...
...and they're in rags?
No harm in looking after your clothes, is there?
You're in good shape too, aren't you?
I've been keeping on the ball, sir.
- No harm in that either, is there, sir? - No. No harm at all.
- Where's the commandant's quarters? - Over there, sir. The end bungalow.
Right.
I won't forget you, corporal.
I'll certainly see Maj. Brough at the earliest opportunity.
- What do you mean by that, sir? - Figure it out, corporal.
I wish I had your nerve, Fortnum. I couldn't talk to him.
I ran away. We all did.
He was so real. It was too real.
God, it's mad, isn't it? It's over, and we've survived.
But it's still all mad.
What did he say to you?
He just asked me a few things.
What did he say? Did he tell you anything?
Nothing I didn't already know.
Hey, it's over, isn't it? It's not a mistake?
No. Forget it. You've got the luck now.
Forget it? Hey, listen, I'm talking to you.
You called me "sir" last night.
That's the second time you've walked away.
The war's the only thing that's changed. We're just the same.
Look, people don't change, because...
When the all clear sounds, do they?
I haven't changed.
I'm not ashamed because you're my friend. We survived it.
You and me.
Don't you remember what we had? I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.
Don't you remember that?
You worked for me a couple times. I paid you for it. That's all we had.
Fortnum.
Fortnum, friendship isn't a matter of a 10 percent.
Don't ask me to forget it all now.
Please, not that, otherwise what's it all been in aid of?
I'm not different.
But that's just you.
Mate. One at a time.
One friend.
That's good enough for anybody.
It's just a start.
- It's empty. Where have they gone? - What?
Where have they gone? Are you deaf or something?
- Where's who gone? - King. The Americans!
Oh, the Yanks.
They're moving out. They should be on their way now.
Come on, men, get in the trucks.
Let's go, boys.
Come on, boys, we've got a plane to catch. Let's go, boys.
Get your butt in the truck, corporal.
Yankee, go home!
That was worth waiting for.
Seeing him cut down to size like that.
It's our turn now, Marlowe.
We're getting even back home too.
Our vote slung old Churchill and his mob out.
You people haven't got the world by the shorts any longer.
It's our turn now.
Still, you can always feel proud you were his friend, I suppose.
It wouldn't occur to you that you're alive because of what he gave you.
I never took anything from him. He never gave me anything.
Only hate, Grey. Only hate.
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