This is a hold-up.
I beg your pardon?
This is a hold-up.
What's he talking about?
Oh. Rag week
rag week?
Students, you moron.
No! No! You don't understand.
Don't waste your breath asking for any more.
You're the third this week already.
No, really.
What I want to know, young man, is are we on the right road to inverloch?
We'll drive on.
They live in a world of their own, these students.
Don't do that! Those children will drive me nuts.
Shh! Be quiet! Stop annoying your daddy.
Now, if we take the third right...
Don't tell me anymore...
No. I'm not saying it's a complete failure.
That's not right. I'm not bothered about that.
And I wouldn't be if it was.
I'm just saying maybe it's not right, that sort of thing.
I mean, don't you think, in some ways,
it's a bad thing to take other people's money?
It is! People work hard for their money, some of them.
Listen, I'm in a hurry, ok?
Stink bomb.
What's it cost, that?
Nasty sugar. Bangers...
- Are you sure about the nasty sugar? - Aye, three bags.
Uh, picked scab.
Luminous snot, and a plastic turd.
3.5...
Do you know how much it costs just to send
one solitary policeman out on a case?
There's expenses.
There's wear and tear. There's petrol.
There's overtime.
That is tax payers' money, Ronnie.
It's a bad thing
look...
What do you want out of life?
You want money and you want excitement.
- Right? Why? - No.
Because without money, without money, you can't do anything!
Look, you're talking about bad things, right?
Don't you think it's a bad thing that you're working in a corporation
and I'm stuck here selling all this junk?
Don't you think it's a bad thing to settle for a little
when maybe you could get a lot out of life?
You see, the point is,
the point is that we are smarter than they are.
I keep getting these funny wee warts on my fingers.
Look, you have got to take your chance now!
Eh?
There doesn't seem to be any point to it all.
Oh, Mary, I can't stand the strain.
First off, you get a job, son.
And now you turn into a deep thinker,
a philosopher.
Well, what are you going to be next, huh?
The nation waits.
He knows he's lucky to have a job.
Don't you, dear?
He's just tired and he wants to eat his food.
Carol Peyton's big brother's gone to new Mexico,
and he's going to be earning £500 a week in America.
Aye, aye.
There's opportunities for them that want them.
- What's the matter, son? - It's his biorhythms.
He can't help it.
I'll get it.
- Mum? - Hmm?
Does doing bad things give you warts?
I think that's something you'd better discuss with your father later on.
Mum, can I go to the disco on Saturday?
Mary.
- Mum! - Hang on a minute.
I'll come out there and talk to you about it.
Maybe if I stayed at...
When I was your age, you had to go and see the doctor for your warts,
and he'd burn them off of you. You'd lie on the couch...
A great fat nurse would come along.
And she'd paint red ointment onto each wart, whoa!
Oh! The stench was something terrible.
And then the doctor would come along
with his long, pointed needle,
and the nurse would hold you down
because you were screaming by then, see?
And he'd come at you.
Closer...
And closer...
Till suddenly...
Zip!
Right into the root.
- Oi, give us the hat. - Give me that back, you tube!
Don't!
- Keep wearing a hat then. - Come here, you Fanny!
Not exactly fired?
Sort of.
Sort of fired.
Well, more sort of resigned, actually.
Maybe sort of retired, you know.
Isla, I'm warning you!
Hey! I've got it just here.
Do you know what this is?
This is the thing. It's magic!
They don't stand a chance now, man.
Argh! Ha!
What do you think?
Have you been selling any more of that awful sugar
- to my wee Angus? - Me? Oh!
I've told you before, Ronnie weatherspoon!
How many times do I have to tell you?
I don't want any more trouble from you with any of my bairns!
[Squeak, sque - oh! Ad
you'll have mr paterson down here
and I won't answer for the consequences,
- you stupid wee bugger! - I'm sorry!
Just a waste of good space, that's what you are.
I'm sorry. I won't do it again.
See that mr hardwick gets to hear about this.
I think I know where we can get a gun.
It's nice out here, eh?
Are you sure you want to come tomorrow?
My mum says that the thing for a wart is gold.
You rub it with a gold ring or something, and it'll would go away.
What do you think?
Well, actually, I think that's right.
I think I have heard that.
That's good.
Good.
Hidden among the grampian mountains,
steeped in the history and legend of a colourful past.
Passengers will be able to freshen up in about
20 minutes at the Ben mcalpine visitors centre.
And now to your left you can see
some of the most spectacular scenery in Scotland.
The mountain rising in the centre is Ben Lockhart.
And in a cave on the other side, Bonnie prince Charlie
is said to have taken refuge from the redcoats.
And to the right...
A motorcycle?
This is... a gun!
This... this is a gun!
This is a hold-up.
Please get all your cash and jewellery ready for collection.
Thank you.
Thanks. I'm so sorry. Thanks.
- They were my mother's. - I'm so sorry.
And watches.
Thanks. Thank you.
Thank you. Thanks very much. Oh, you're so kind.
Thank you. Thanks.
- Thanks. - Hey, kid.
Stay calm, ok?
Take it easy.
Now, just take it easy.
Nobody's going to get hurt.
Give it up, smartass.
God bless you.
That wasn't so bad.
Hurray!
Whoop!
You beauty!
Steaks.
Steaks that thick.
With mashed potatoes.
No. Creamed potatoes.
Peas and onion rings.
- And chocolate milkshakes. - Chocolate milkshakes.
And Brandy every day.
What did you put in that puffer?
It was brilliant.
Itching powder, sneezing powder,
curry powder,
athlete's foot powder,
and some stuff that I got out of an old firework.
But how did you know it would work?
Well, I tested it, didn't 1?
I tested it on ally mathewson's wee brother.
Hey, that wee Brandy worked great as well, eh... 5 star.
Cost two days' wages, though.
But never mind.
I can go down to the paki shop tomorrow and get a crate.
No.
It's terrible now.
You know, we can't do anything.
What are you talking about?
If we start spending all this money, they're going to know, aren't they?
Everybody knows we don't have any money.
Maybe we could start a fund.
You know, like a pension fund for footballers when they get past it.
Then we could do something really special.
Aye. Something really special.
Oh, well, actually,
actually, I've been thinking of something along those lines.
Anyway, pal, it's not the money that matters anymore,
it's me and you.
We're bigger than...
We're bigger, bigger than something really, really big.
We've made it. This is the big time.
The big time.
I am not holding up any trains.
Mm.
- Good morning, son. - Morning.
I take it we are to believe that
your ceaseless quest for an honest day's work
has once more been in vain.
- Um... - Uh-huh.
Well, I'll tell you what, son.
You did bring it on your bloody self.
How is Ronnie getting on in the shop?
- Fine. - Enjoying it, is he?
Aye, yes.
Poor wee Ronnie.
Ha!
"Police are today searching for two young scots
who held up and robbed a coachload of tourists
on a remote highland road."
Isn't it a beauty.
Take it, man.
"Disguised as a clown and a wolfman,
they took an estimated £600 in cash,
and an unknown quantity of valuables from the 40 frightened passengers,
before riding off at high speed into the hills again."
That's terrible.
That's bloody clever.
But don't you think that's a really bad thing to do,
to take other people's money,
people that haven't done you any harm?
Well, of course it is, will.
Don't listen to your father.
He's nothing but an old crook anyway.
The gas sport isn't exactly the little sisters of the poor.
- No thanks to you. - L.Ook at this.
Two young lads had the wit and style
to take 600 quid off a bunch of stupid tourists.
And god knows, they'd probably spend that much
in an afternoon on plastic bloody bagpipes.
Well, these lads can have my vote any day of the week.
600 quid.
"Mrs Barbara ginsburg of winville, Vermont, said,
"this has never happened to me before."
This has never happened to me before?
Aye.
Uh, hello there. Uh...
You may have heard of us.
We were in the papers last week.
- This is our gun. - Our gun!
My friend the wolfman,
he will now come amongst you
and collect your cash, jewellery, and watches.
Oh, thanks. Thank you.
Thanks.
Oh, thank you. That's lovely.
Super. Ooh! Thanks, thanks.
Thank you very much.
Great.
Oh, hold onto that. No, thanks.
Oh, that's lovely. Oh, isn't that lovely?
Look, Ronnie.
I've got to have
£10 to get back to the airport.
Has anybody got a £5 note?
Here you are, son. Here's five ones.
Thanks very much, sir.
Here's five singles.
Here's a five, and I'll take the 50. Thank you.
Thank you, young man.
Thanks. Thank you.
- What's going on here? - I won't be a moment, sir.
You've just got to hold up the bus.
Come on! Let's go!
Are you quite finished, pal?
Sorry.
It's not on.
Really! It's just not on.
Come on, let's just get these plates changed and go.
Have you gone soft in the head?
No!
Can you speak in english?
No. I think it's more like the lon chaney one.
Mr bender's here to see you, sir.
That'll be all.
Ooh!
All right, cut the cackle. Quiet, please.
Now, come on. Cut the racket.
I've got a telex from the secretary of state.
The Scottish secretary.
He says that question...
About armed guards is out of the question.
Quiet, please!
From detective shafer, Scotland,
"advise utmost expediency in apprehending highwaymen.
Potential political hot potato.”
How about that, eh?
"Swift action and low profile imperative."
- Low profile. - Low profile.
Well...
What it comes down to is that these two lads
have shanghaied two coach loads
of what is now regarded as Scotland's prize import.
And we are instructed to use the utmost expediency
in... nipping it in the bud...
Before they do any further damage
to our relations with our friends from abroad.
Liaison with the bus companies
will be two of the numbers that you have got, right?
There should not be any language barrier there.
Now this investigation is to be conducted
on an international framework.
And we are to have the assistance of a gentleman from central America,
from the American central intelligence bureau.
Mr Fritz bender.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Christ, it'sthe man from u.N.C.L.E.
Ahem.
There's not really much to tell this week.
Mr hardwick says I can stay on till the end of the month,
but after that I don't know.
Bruce has been getting really fat.
God, you should see him.
He just wobbles around eating and shitting the whole time.
Hardly ever goes in his wheel.
Hey, maybe I'm giving him too much nuts.
The weather's been good apart from today.
Did you know that?
I've been holding up buses.
You know, like, like robbing them,
taking all the tourists' money.
Been in the papers and everything.
I'm really quite enjoying it.
Anyway, I'll try not to get in any trouble.
I've got to get back now.
She had a brilliant nose.
£80.
Not too long.
And not too wide.
And not tamped down at the bottom.
£80 he had in his wallet.
A perfect nose.
He just pulled it out and dropped it in the bag.
£80, you know?
I know. It was me he gave it to.
- How much was it? - £80.
£80.
Uh, do you have any false tits?
Oh. Aye.
How much are they?
Medium 4.75. Large 6.50.
Uh. Medium.
Could you, uh, wrap them up?
That's 4.75, please.
Here's your change. There's your receipt.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Oh...
I've got to find her again. “Who? You know. Her!
No!
Listen, I'm in a hurry.
No! No! Get out!
And don't come back!
Look, how do you think you could find her?
There must be millions of girls out there in buses just like that, millions!
Anyway, you can't.
You know you can't.
The whole operation is completely confidential.
It's got to be, or we're buggered.
I don't have to tell her about it.
Well, what are you going to say to her, then?
Come on, Bruce, can you stretch your legs? Come on.
I'm going to get a phone in here.
- A telephone? - Aye.
For phone calls and things.
Come here and have a look at this.
I'm not going to touch this lot, though.
I'm not going to break the rules.
Look at me, Bruce. Look at me.
I'm going up to the bus station.
Have you any idea what the penalty for armed robbery is?
It's 12 years!
12 years!
And, and assault...
- Threatening behaviour. - Not wearing a crash helmet.
Will, please...
Ok.
But look, no going into the bus station,
no talking to anybody except her,
no telling her who you are,
and no mention that I even exist, right?
Wait. Here.
Here.
Pettifer's ointment.
"Guaranteed relief from shingles,
scabies, eczema, psoriasis,
warts... and other conditions of the skin."
They had a gun!
You could hardly ask me to tackle two masked gunmen.
Look, you've been with the company nearly two years now.
The fact that whatever superintendent baird may say,
we are left with a busload of irate clients,
and you're half the cause of the worry.
- Mr lllingworth... - But I'm not going to threaten you,
but I'm sure you're aware of the possibilities open to the company.
Look, we're not an unfeeling company.
I can understand a young girl in high spirits
getting carried away.
Yes, well, we all get carried away sometimes.
I expect flawless reports about your courier, flawless!
The 14:32 service for dunfermline...
- Excuse me. - Sorry?
Excuse me.
- I'm sorry but I'm in a bit of a hurry. - Please!
I know you
no. You don't. Impossible.
You can't.
I do know you.
Would you like a mint?
- The rest are strong. - What did they call you?
My name is will. You don't know me.
You've never seen me before.
Anyway, I've got a very bad hand.
Maybe I'll see you again, then, will.
I hold up buses!
I'm bursting.
I've still got your flowers.
I'm bursting!
It's the best present I've ever had.
Are you trying to get me to work for you on the buses?
No. You won't tell anyone, will you?
I'm bursting.
I could fair go a pee myself.
I really thought she was going to make it.
I really did.
So close.
Say some more.
Are you looking for flattery?
I've never met a robber before.
I sometimes wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
It's like Rob Roy, isn't it?
Rob Roy. The highland Robin hood.
We used to read the stories... whoa!
Me and my dad.
And I thought Rob Roy macgregor was
better than Batman or Superman or any of them.
Oh, Batman's good.
Ah, but real people are best.
Going to have to update my commentary now because of you.
But I don't mind.
It's better...
Because you're still alive.
Well, you were a minute ago.
You know, we really should try to get better pictures of ourselves...
To send to the newspapers.
Ronnie, I've got to tell you something.
I mean, that looks like an ill person's face.
I mean, I don't want anybody to think I look like w.C. Fields or something.
Hey, I know who took that.
Remember the wee black wife in the shades?
She kept shouting cheese.
I've always got my eyes shut in photos.
We can go up to the machine at the station, get it done properly.
- Ronnie... - There's one of these here...
- There's something I've got to tell you. - Aye, me, too.
I forgot that Bruce was lining his nest.
He was out of his cage while I was at the shops.
It was all in £20 notes.
- How much? - About 200 quids worth.
Oh, well, that's all right.
Ronnie, I've really got to tell you something.
Right. Look tough.
You know the girl, margot, the girl on the bus?
You know how I promised not to tell her,
you know, who I was and that?
Well, I did.
My dad used to take me up there when I was little.
When I started as a guide, all I wanted to do was
go back and learn everything about the hills.
Like Rob Roy? Yeah. Like that.
There's one legend that says
the heroes aren't dead at all, just sleeping underneath the hills,
and one day they'll come back.
- Like ghosts? - Something like that.
Do you believe in ghosts?
Ooh!
Ha, hal
Whoop!
No, I'm just saying, it's not fair.
If you went a bit slower maybe,
then I could hand out the money properly
and everybody would get the same amount.
Look, will, we're not Santa claus.
Look, it was a nice gesture.
Good for the image. Fine.
But I can't have you frittering away our money like that.
Have you any idea how much you must have thrown out?
You said it was a good idea.
Bruce ate £200.
Look, don't you start making insinuations about him, ok?
You've got your friends, and I've got mine.
Anyway, how did you get the money to buy
10 billion cups of tea for your friend, eh?
It's not that many.
Look, you're breaking the rules.
You're using our money to fraternise.
And now you want to give the rest away?
I don't know what's got into you.
And where are you all the time?
I'm not fraternising.
Are we going up north again soon?
Oh, so you've been having some more constructive ideas
about the business, then, have you?
No, no, no. Not at all.
Oh, yes, I have! I've been thinking.
We could wear different masks to throw them off our trail.
And maybe we could put some different stuff in the puffer,
just for a change.
Perfume or something.
Aye, we could have a nice puffer for people we liked.
Only joking.
What would you say if I told you your son was famous?
I mean, really famous, like a hero.
You didn't know that, did you?
You see, I get things done.
I don't just lie around all day.
I found out about this place,
a place where I can get to meet people who really know
how to get things done, people like me.
I'm a disadvantaged child.
I don't have the security of the family unit to back me up.
I've got to do things on my own.
Judges are lenient on people like me.
What's your game?
Ronnie weatherspoon, sir.
Yeah. Yeah. It's all right, tap.
The boy's with me.
The man himself? How are you?
Nice to see you, son. Thanks for coming down.
- How's business? - It's not bad.
Good.
All right, come on, stand back, you lot.
Come on, stand back, give the boy some space.
Lads, I have here the 17th most wanted man in Scotland.
- What do you want? - I'll have a ginger beer, thanks.
Uh, a ginger beer. Stick one in there.
And they tell you crime doesn't pay, right?
Right, yeah.
Transportation, right?
Ok. Think, think cargo.
Passengers.
People. See what I'm saying?
- Yeah. - But think class.
Right? The right class of people.
Now, right, where are they going to be?
On buses? Nah, not really.
Planes? Too much competition.
- Think cars. - Cars.
- Limousines. - Shake, pal.
Ooh, I just loved what you did to that yankee bastard.
Have you ever considered going for private cars?
- Well, actually, there was... - There's a lot of potential...
You just abolished him. That was bloody great.
Hello, Nigel.
Mr pyles...
Look, think potential. You see what I'm saying?
The potential is definitely there
if you're working inside what we have here,
which is a cooperative.
So this is... we are cooperative
with each other, we help each other.
You see what I'm saying? Yeah.
So, like, cars, people in cars.
Blackmail, kidnapping, extortion.
We have got the contacts, see?
You see what I'm saying?
Get yourself a suntan. See the world.
Seen it.
Aye.
Aw, he's a namby-pamby old bastard, that pyle.
Aye. You're right. Namby-pamby, aye.
It was different in the old days.
I mean, see me?
Even I haven't got a gun now.
Guns are for lassies.
I mean, nobody seems to put the boot in anymore.
No. I know what you mean. They just don't.
I mean, all that enterprise and profit and pish like that gets in my tits!
You don't want to bother with that shite.
No, no.
- Do you need the glasses? - No.
I mean, you don't want glass going in your eye
when some bastard stands on your face.
- Right. - See these?
Contact lenses.
- Oh. - Changed my life.
Soft lenses. Expensive ones.
See, my optician knows his arse from his elbow.
That's what I like about you.
No namby-pamby shite.
You just go out there, you get on your motorbike
and you say what you want, and if you don't get it,
mutilation!
Aye. Mutilation.
- Aye. - Aye.
Mutilation, mutilation.
Well, the puffer seems to emit a mixture of powders and stuff.
Aye, I know.
Somebody said a hot bath might help.
That's out of the question.
Oh, there's no way that we could offer guarantees like that.
Oh, well, I mean, if they were persistent.
Taking their cash and valuables with them for a bus trip.
What do you expect?
Aye, well, maybe they are just as stupid as they look.
Oh, I can tell that to the secretary.
No. There's no way I'm going to make the court date.
Look, um, why don't we just give her whatever she wants?
What?
But that's twice my annual salary.
It's her divorce, isn't it?
Good-bye.
Oh, I'm paying you for this call, right?
That's right.
I'm on government business.
Classified. Mm-hmm.
No, no, no. It's not a vacation anymore,
and I don't know how long it's going to take.
So...
Visiting rights? We don't have any children.
Ben, I love that dog.
She doesn't even like her!
The dog!
Yeah, well, I'm...
Look, I'm going to be back as quickly as I can.
Just don't let this happen. Take care of me.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. You call me.
I guess you feel pretty pleased about the way this operation's going, huh?
You making some kind of a complaint, mr bender?
Well, the way I see it, if an outfit like mine
was to try to handle trouble like this, we could wrap it up in a couple of days.
And I think maybe the english government might see it the same way.
Are you threatening me, mr bender?
Number 7.
You won't believe this one.
What was the name of the kid with the bus company?
Cute little thing with the flowers.
That's taking my oxygen.
Hey, what did you do that for?
It took me days to find that candle.
- So? - Oh, Isla!
It was taking my oxygen.
Oh, you've got steak and kidney pie all over the end.
- Ha! - Ow!
Do you wear suspenders?
It must be very interesting, couriering.
Oh, yes. Well, the country is lovely.
The tourists can get a bit tiresome sometimes,
but it has its moments.
Aye. It's a good steady job,
which is more than could be said for some.
I bet it has its moments just now, though, eh?
With these young wee bandits in the hills.
Do you ever come across any of them?
- Well... - They're great, aren't they, dad?
They're really clever and they're brave.
Aye. They've got initiative.
And they've got initiative when it counts, haven't they?
Aye. I'd give a week's wages to meet one of those lads.
What worries me is what's going to happen to them.
I mean, it can't go on forever, can it?
One would hope not.
They'll never catch those boys.
They're far too clever.
They've got initiative where it counts.
Did you hear what they did to a busload of Germans up in...
Mr Bryce! They're attacking our biggest industry, tourism.
Exactly.
There's foreigners with money and influence on those tours.
And they're making a joke of the police force.
- They'll get the chop. - The electric chair?
Who's for more pie?
Ooh!
I can't get it lit.
- What are you thinking? - Nothing. Nothing!
Rob Roy.
"And so, amongst these rocks lived
through summer heat and winter snow.
The eagle, he was lord above,
and Rob was lord below."
I beg your pardon?
It's a poem about Rob Roy.
Remember?
Rob Roy?
- You're smudging the glass. - Is will there?
Is will there? Will who?
Will Bryce. I'm his friend.
Can I come in?
Will Bryce?
Is he the related to wee Tommy Bryce
that used to work down the bottle factory?
Are you Ronnie?
You're his friend, Ronnie. Let me in.
I can't. It's locked. We're closed.
There's no Ronnie here.
I know about it.
I know. I'm a friend.
I can't.
Ronnie's dead. Passed away.
Very sad.
I've got to go now, finish the accounts.
Women are nothing but trouble.
You should start to think about that.
I mean, she's all you think about.
Half the bus station probably knows about us
because of you and your woman.
- All I wanted to let you know... - I'm leaving here soon!
I've got proper friends now,
friends that can get the pension fund invested properly.
Times...
Times are changing, pal, and you've got to change with them.
I was only... we're closed!
That's my own personal, private telephone.
It just kept on ringing. I couldn't turn it off.
It wasn't my idea to put it in a drawer.
That's my lawyer. I've got to take the call.
Get a hammer.
The police are concentrating their efforts
on trying to establish a pattern in the hold-ups
and are stressing the difficulty of patrolling the roads
in this remote highland region.
But detective inspector baird, who is heading the inquiry is
still optimistic about an early arrest.
And a new lead today
a photograph of the so-called "clown and wolfman",
bearing a highland postmark, was delivered to television centre.
Forensic scientists are currently studying the picture
in the hope it may give them the clue they are looking for.
So far, both the Scottish liberation front
and the caledonian national group have claimed responsibility.
Do you mind if I join you?
In parliament this afternoon, opposition blamed the government's
unemployment record for the increase in crime.
Today the search for the pirates was joined
by an unusual expedition from the land of the rising sun.
The 8-man television crew wants to be the first
to film the bandits in action.
Though their arrival has caused some anger
among the local media and police.
Don't you think your presence might get in the way
of police attempts to catch the bandits?
No. I... I... we are not here for revenge.
We only want to... to film it for our programme.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
That was Michael Douglas reporting...
When's the next hold-up?
What did you say?
I was just wondering when you thought these men
might do the next bus hold-up, you know, up north.
Oh, aye, hold-up. Hold-up.
What hold-ups that?
There is a lot of funny things going on.
You should read the newspapers.
Of course, I haven't really been following it.
Hold-up.
I guess these things just happen out of the blue, don't they?
One minute you're sitting there, quite the thing,
and the next, who knows?
I mean, who knows?
I do
strong north-westerly winds will bring rain to most...
And you do.
And Ronnie weatherspoon knows.
We've all got birthdays coming up soon.
I made them promise an oath of secrecy.
I said, I said they could become honorary members,
if they could prove they could keep a secret.
Well, and some more jewellery.
They want identity cards, Ronnie, saying they're members.
Look...
Keep the head, ok?
Are you trying to tell me that you are scared of a bunch of wee lassies?
No, look, you're in the big time now.
Kids can get damaged messing with people like us.
You know, like, mutilation.
I'll talk to them again.
Maybe I could...
Hello?
Mr illingworth.
Excuse me.
There's a lady here with a bit of a problem.
Ah, yes, hello.
Excuse me, sir.
Could you tell me which one of these buses we could go on
where maybe there might be one of those stick-ups?
Where did you find this bike?
What?
I thought you said you'd tuned the engine up.
Are you just going to sit there moping?
Hurry up, will! Hurry up!
Come on. Will you get past them?
It's hardly a motorway. You're absolutely dreadful at driving.
Come on!
Slow down! Will you slow down?
Ronnie, slow down!
Affirmative. We read you.
They've got Glen orchy and Glen levitt blocked off.
How about Glenn Miller?
- There is no Glenn Miller. - I know there's not a Glenn Miller.
There's no such place as Glenn Miller.
Glenn Miller was the composer,
you know, conductor guy, "in the mood."
Steady on.
Will you slow down? I can't get it lit.
Oi, hurry up!
Ronnie, I didn't bring a milk bottle.
Now throw it! Throw it!
- It nearly hit a car. - Eh?
It nearly hit a car.
Oh, jeez!
Me! I mean my goodness! Come in, control.
- They're firing on us. - I've been waiting for this all my life.
Aah!
Get them!
The beach! The beach!
That was nearly it that time, you know.
Yes. Because you used those mini rockets, didn't you?
Ronnie, those star blazer things would have blown them up!
I thought the idea of the barricade was
to stop the bandits, not the police cars.
I'm busy!
That's a lie.
Ok, Ben, listen.
This is man to man. You got to believe me.
I don't have that kind of a problem.
I said I don't have that problem!
Ok, did you see the dog?
Her nose was cold?
Yeah, yeah. Call me.
I think the operation needs a kick in the butt.
I'll make a note of your comments, mr bender.
You better do more than that, mr baird.
I've got an authorisation from your mr secretary.
The case is mine.
Why don't you go fishing?
That's a very nasty rash you've got, mr bender.
You really should try and do something about it.
Ronnie?
- What do you want? - You're not at the shop.
Ah, well, I'm... I'm a bit busy just now.
What's that smell?
Come on, Ronnie. You trying to hide one of your woman?
- Stop it! - Hiya, big boy.
Come and join the party.
His name's Nigel.
He's just come out of prison for the fourth time.
He's got a real gun, margot. He's dangerous.
He said he was going to bite Bruce's head off.
No. He's really like that. He would.
Now Ronnie said he can do this hold-up with us tomorrow.
It's all different.
The strathout run with him!
That's the women's institute outing.
Look, it's a rotten business, will, and you're better off out of it.
I said I'd go.
They were all going on at me, margot.
Think, will. What about me”?
There's no room on the bike.
Maybe if it had a side car.
You used to think it was great.
That was half what was great about it.
You're so stupid. You're so stupid,
you can't see things have changed now.
Will, do you not know that I...?
Margot, don't go. You'll get cold.
Margot.
Ok. Easy.
Yeah, we've had our eye on you.
Where's your friend?
Mummy!
I thought I told you I'd pick you up tomorrow.
I'm not going.
Ok.
You'll have to bring me the mask and the puffer.
Don't worry.
I'll make sure you get your share of the money.
It's a completely different ballgame now, anyway.
You're probably better off out of it.
What are you going to do tomorrow?
We're going to put the boot in.
I'm going to get myself some status.
It's the women's institute, Ronnie.
Look, pennycook.
We could go into hiding in pennycook.
Nobody would find us.
We could wear disguises to go to the shops.
Margot, she said to me,
"don't you know 1...?"
Look...
I'm not interested in you and your woman!
You just haven't got a clue, have you?
What does that say?
Beatty. Right.
So, what's my name?
Ronnie!
Ronnie weatherspoon.
Look, I don't know who's down there.
I just picked them.
See, that's where me and you are different, pal.
I don't have people to tie me down.
I'm going places.
And I don't want any baggage with me, right?
- Right. - Right.
Jelly sandwiches!
Thousands of jelly sandwiches!
I kept you alive for more than a year
while you were saving up for that bike.
Every day I pasted up a sandwich,
and I smuggled it out of my house for you.
And you don't have people to tie you down?
And what about the clown and the wolfman?
So what are you now?
You are a clown.
You're a clown!
A clown in a stupid leather coat.
And who's going to care for you, when you and that animal
meet a couple of hard men that are bigger than you?
Who's going to care for you then, eh?
90 quid that coat cost me!
Look at this.
See, every trip that's circled was a hold-up,
except for this one, that's scheduled tomorrow.
I'm going to be home in 24 hours.
- Cup of coffee? - Stick your head in it, chanty.
You want me to call baird?
No. Let's leave the inspector out of this one, eh?
This one is my baby.
Ok, angel face.
Tomorrow you and I are going to take a bus ride together.
Sing together the next song.
- Where's mum? - Gone to aerobics.
Right. You'll have to tell her I've gone away to become a priest,
but I'll send her a postcard.
Right.
They've got Mary Harrison.
- Who? Who's got her? - The pigs.
She won't crack.
I know she won't crack.
Because if she cracks, I'll tell them about her and Bobby Martin.
Right. I've got one phone call to make.
Excuse me.
Hello? No. She's not here.
Tomorrow she's on the strathout run.
Ok.
Margot's going to be on that bus.
Ronnie?
Shall I come tomorrow?
Aye.
It's all finished now, isn't it?
We're still going.
One more time to strathout.
The clown and the wolfman.
Funny business.
Aye.
Mr baird. What?
Telex from the secretary of state.
"Operation bandit."
- Get bender. - He's gone.
- Aye? - Everything's changed.
They're here. They're right here in the town.
Margot?
Dear me, what are you wearing?
Ok, hold it!
No, sunshine. You hold it.
No, Jack, you hold it.
- Margot! - Waste him, Ronnie.
Look at me. I'm bulletproof man.
Come on, youl! Put the boot in.
- Ronnie. - Do it!
Sorry, Nigel.
Give me that, suckers!
Achoo!
Everybody on the bus stay put!
Aww!
Ok, move. Let's go! Go!
And now that we've got you away from the eyes
of the adoring public, let's get the masks off.
Well, scottie, what took you so long?
Jesus Christ!
There's been a wee bit of a change.
- You better read that. - Huh?
Listen, there's a message from your lawyer,
you got the dog! Ha, ha!
If there's any problem, your lawyer will phone you.
I want you to have this.
It's not gold.
It was meant to be gold for his warts.
Out!
Come on, out!
I had a telex from the secretary of state for Scotland.
It's from the Scottish secretary.
It seems tourist spending has gone up 15%
since the start of these activities.
You're bigger than the loch ness monster.
Grossly irresponsible criminal behaviour of the most flagrant kind!
"Low profile," he says.
"Handle with the utmost discretion.
Political hot potato.”
I can't let you go.
So, it was here in a last desperate bid
to escape the tightening grip of the law
that the highland heroes plunged to their deaths
in these stormy seas.
And all that remains is the broken wreckage
of the Japanese motorcycle
that carried them through so many daring raids.
I think that's terrible.
Now strewn across these jagged rocks...
I never thought it would end like this.
Pretence of crookedness.
There were scenes of wild emotion
as the unforgettable figures of the clown and the wolfman
sped down the main street of that city.
The excited crowd could hardly have imagined
the dramatic fate which awaited the outlaws.
During their brief career as highwaymen
in the Scottish highlands,
the clown and the wolfman captured the imagination
of a worldwide audience...
Thank you.
It's really good, this stuff, you know?
You should try some. It tastes like gobstoppers.
There's bits dropping off of this.
Look, there's bits falling off my ice.
There could be a germ in there or something.
- I read that... - Don't be such a big Lassie.
I know. A couple of wee germs never did anybody any harm.
Anyway, we are bigger than germs, you and me.
Put your name in that.
It's to your family.
"New Mexico, land of opportunity.
Weather very nice."
They're very hospitable here, aren't they? Very good to tourists.
When can I say we'll be home?
Well, we'll have to wait for a decent interval.
Have to wait for our bonds to mature at least.
Say Christmas.
Do you think it'll be ok to go back at Christmas?
Ronnie, you've got to have some respect for the dead.
All that remains is this...
A sad, sodden reminder of mortality.
We may never know who they were.
But one thing is certain,
now ho one can tame them.
Is this the end of the story
or the beginning of a legend?
Mel hammer, "am news magazine," Scotland.
Do you believe in ghosts?