[***]
[FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE]
[HARBOR BELL DINGING]
[SIRENS WAIL]
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[SIRENS CONTINUE]
What've we got?
Someone who was pretty good with a silencer.
There's four bodies in here.
Three of 'em as cold as yesterday's toast.
The last one is ready to pop up.
Take a look.
Shot clean as a whistle.
He was dead two minutes before he stopped talking.
MAN: Who was he calling?
The city morgue.
We figure he saw the bullet coming.
Number two is in the elevator.
Whoever did it shoots fast.
Didn't even have time to fall down.
Never saw a dead witness that could identify you.
Where are the others?
Scrubwoman on the third floor and a guest in 306.
Let's go.
Three, please.
We'll walk.
Let's have a look, boys.
Bullet must have hit her spinal column.
We couldn't bend her.
Probably have to bury her like that.
Number four is in here.
This is the joker they were really after.
Some drunk across the hall found him.
Came in, talked for about an hour and a half,
when he noticed he wasn't getting any answers.
Who is he? Floyd Merkle.
Runs a two-bit detective agency
on Third and Bulldyke.
Partner's name is Lou Peckinpaugh.
Looks like a setup.
Whose room was it?
An Oriental. Checked in on Wednesday.
Name was, uh, Wun Fat Ching.
Wun Fat Ching?
Yeah. Registered his hometown as Pecan, China.
Peking.
No. Pecan. Like the nut.
No other leads,
except one interesting fact.
His partner, Peckinpaugh,
was having an affair with Merkle's wife Georgia
for the past nine years.
Merkle here never caught on.
Hell of a detective.
I wouldn't hire him to find warts on a frog.
Lieutenant,
found two more stiffs next door.
That's the trouble with hotels.
Everybody checks out at the same time.
Elderly couple. They moved in last night.
They must have heard everything that went on
in the next room.
If they'd had a radio to listen to,
those two kids would be alive today.
Let's pay a visit
to the widow Merkle.
[RINGING]
Yeah?
Lou. It's Georgia.
Oh, hello, Georgia.
I just had ya on my mind.
What's new, kid?
Floyd is dead.
Say that again.
Lou, it's Georgia.
No, after that.
Floyd is dead. Shot in Chinatown.
I talked to the police, Lou.
I think they know about us having an affair.
When did they leave your apartment?
They didn't.
They're standing right next to me now, listening.
Oh, Jesus.
I loved him, Lou.
You know I loved Floyd.
I know, angel.
Almost as much as I love you.
You killed him because you're crazy about me,
didn't you, Lou?
Did the cops hear you say that?
They said yes.
Don't call me anymore, Georgia.
I don't think we're good for each other.
[RINGS]
Yeah?
Mr. Peckinpaugh?
I think I have some information
regarding the untimely death,
of your late, deceased, murdered partner.
Who is this?
As the Chinese say,
"never mind."
We must be careful. I'm being watched.
Can we meet in your office
in 15 minutes?
All right. What time is it now?
I'd rather not tell you that
until I know I can trust you.
DRIVER: Should I keep the change?
LOU: No. I'll keep the change.
Get me homicide.
Oh!
Never mind.
I'm sorry.
I-- I must have dropped off.
I'm glad you spoke up.
I was just gonna arrange to have you buried.
I haven't had much sleep lately.
I've-- I've been under a great strain.
I don't suppose you'd have a drink?
[CHUCKLES]
Dry martini?
Oh.
Olive or onion?
Onion, please.
Thank you.
You're the first person who's shown me any kindness
since I arrived in San Francisco.
And when was that, Mrs.--?
Manderley. Denise Manderley.
Two days ago from Shanghai. Uh--
May I have my things, please?
You're not a U.S. citizen?
I spend a great deal of my time abroad.
Uh, actually, I--
I travel under a Danish passport.
This signature has been tampered with.
Your name isn't Denise Manderley, is it?
No. It's Wanda Coleman.
Then why does your driver's license say Gilda Dabney?
I believe my life is in danger.
That's why I've taken so many precautions.
My real name is Chloe Lamarr.
Well, thank you, Miss Lamarr.
I appreciate your honesty.
Now can tell me why you let yourself in
with this passkey to search my office?
What is it that you were looking for?
[LAUGHS]
Well, to be perfectly frank, your bathroom.
I don't have any.
Yes. I found that out a little too late.
All right. Can we stop playing games now?
It isn't Manderley or Coleman
or Dabney or even Lamarr, is it?
The initials on this handkerchief are A.P.
What does A.P. Stand for?
Alma Chalmers.
Chalmers begins with a "C."
This is a "P."
Palmers. Alma Palmers.
Listen.
You give me the runaround one more time,
and I'm gonna slap you around this office.
I don't care what your name is anymore.
Just make one up so I know what to call you.
Vivian Purcell.
That's better. Carmen Montenegro.
That's my last one, I promise.
Don't be cross with me, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
Now more than ever, I depend on the gentleness
and understanding of strangers.
What do you know about Floyd Merkle's death?
Nothing, of course. Why should I?
You called me 15 minutes ago
telling me you knew something.
A woman knows many things.
About Floyd Merkle's death?
I don't think so. Why would a woman know that?
[LAUGHS]
Then why did you call me?
Could I have a little air, please?
I'm feeling rather dizzy.
Is that any better?
Yes, thank you.
I'm-- I'm afraid I got sick all over
your filing room in there.
Oh, that's my clothes closet,
but don't worry about it.
Go on.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I have a niece, Caroline.
She's 17.
Attends boarding school at the Hail Mary, Hail Mary,
Sister Therese Convent and Kennels.
Kennels? Isn't that for dogs?
Well, I'm afraid none of the girls
were very pretty.
Two weeks ago, she climbed over the wall
and disappeared.
And she has not been heard from since.
I hired Mr. Merkle to find her,
and, uh, he called me tonight
telling me that he had a lead.
Well, that's not much to go on,
but I'll do the best I can.
As for the fee, I'll settle for what you owe Merkle.
I'm sorry I went pookey-pookey
on your trench coat.
It's all right.
It's all part of this dirty game.
You must be tired.
Why don't you run along now,
and, uh, I'll call you as soon as I get something.
Uh, I've moved to the Fairmont,
and I'm registered as Diane Glucksman.
Yeah, well, don't change it,
because it makes it hard to leave ya messages.
LOU: Sorry. No tip. War veteran.
[HUFFS]
[SIGHS]
I thought I told you to stay away from here.
Don't be angry with me, Lou.
I had to see you.
They brought Floyd's body home.
I just couldn't sleep in the same bed with him.
Not tonight.
Lou. Your husband's dead a little over an hour,
and you're already dressed in black?
How long you had that outfit waiting in the closet?
You're wrong. I just bought it.
There's an all-night widow shop
at Fifth and Geary.
Oh, aren't you gonna kiss me, Lou?
You shouldn't have come here.
The police already think I killed Floyd
to clear the way for you and me.
Are you sure the police didn't follow you here?
I'm positive. They came with me.
This is definitely our last date, Georgia.
Mind answerin' a few questions downtown, Lou?
We are downtown.
Then this'll be fine.
Floyd Merkle was killed at 10:17 tonight.
Where were you?
I was home in bed.
I got up around 10:15 and I went into the john.
I got out around 10:20.
Anybody see ya go in the bathroom?
Yeah, seven or eight people.
They came in to watch me one at a time.
I got their names and addresses written on a pad.
Don't press your luck, Shamus.
Get him off my back.
Get off his back.
What did you and Merkle
argue about last Monday night?
It's all right.
Tell them, darling.
Don't call me darling in front of the police
with a dead husband.
I didn't like it that he was takin' on clients
without tellin' me.
That's what I told them, Lou.
I didn't mention anything about him busting in,
and finding us in the gorilla costumes.
Honey, why don't you go in the kitchen
and bake a couple dozen doughnuts?
LIEUTENANT: What case was Floyd working on?
Why don't you ask him yourself?
Because he's dead.
Well, you two should have a very nice conversation.
I'm warning you, Lou.
You withhold anything from me,
and you're gonna be giving the Golden Gate Bridge
a new coat of paint,
with your tongue.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
You're goin' out on that case, aren't ya?
Oh, Lou.
Come away with me tonight.
We'll move someplace where the fog never rolls in,
and a man can see what a woman looks like in the morning.
Being a private eye may not be much,
but we do have a code of honor.
It's all right to fool around with your partner's wife,
but once he's dead it makes it all so dirty.
That's the way it is, angel.
You marry yourself a nice guy,
have a couple of swell kids.
Once you're all set up and happy,
maybe we can fool around again.
Guys like you all end up the same, Lou.
You're so busy
chasing after runaway girls
and missing husbands,
you never stop long enough
to find out what life is really all about.
One day I'll see your picture in the papers,
layin' in a gutter with a bullet hole in your back,
and a horse makin' doo-doo all over you.
And maybe I'll cry for ya,
but don't hold your breath.
You need any dough, kid?
I'm okay.
I got $10,000 insurance money.
An hour after the murder?
It's that company that pays on the spot.
So long, Lou.
It was nice cheatin' with ya.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yeah?
[MAN WITH HEAVY ACCENT]: Don't hang up.
I didn't even say hello.
I know where the girl is.
Keep talkin'.
Oh...
So now you're interested, eh?
Who is this?
Not on the phone.
Meet me at Nix Place
on the waterfront in half an hour.
How will I know what you look like?
I'm swarthy and greasy
and wear cheap perfume.
You'll smell me when you come in.
Suppose I say I'm not interested?
Does $500 interest you?
Very much.
Then bring it.
It's an expensive restaurant.
[SNORTS AND LAUGHS]
Phew.
[SWING BAND PLAYS]
You're expected, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
This way, please.
Your party will join you in a moment.
Hiya, Mr. Lou.
I thought you said you'd never come back to this--
But I did.
Hello, Tinker. Has she ever--?
No, she hasn't.
Right.
Would you like me to play--?
No. Right.
Ah, Colonel Schlissel,
you do my humble cafe a great honor.
Your little club reminds me of the fighting strength
of the French army, Marcel.
Nothing more than an evening's diversion.
[LAUGHTER]
You make a little joke, monsieur.
Well, if you and your two friends
will follow me, I will show you
to your usual world-dominating table.
[BAND PLAYING FANFARE]
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
let's have a big San Francisco welcome,
for Miss Betty DeBoop!
[APPLAUSE]
* Ooh *
[VOCALIZING "LA VIE EN ROSE"]
* La, la, la, la, la, la, la *
* La, la, la, la, la, la *
* La, la, la, la, la, la, la *
* La, la, la, la, la, la *
* La, la, la, la la, la *
* La, la, la, la, la, la *
* La, la. la. la, la, la *
* En *
* Rose *
Now everybody!
La, la, la, la, la, la, la !
Hm.
ALL: * La, la, la, la, la, la, la *
* La, la, la, la La, la *
* La, la, la, la La, la, la *
Now, just the boys!
* La, la, la, la *
* La, la, la *
* La, la, la, la La, la *
Now just the girls!
* La, la-- *
[CHUCKLES]
* La, la, la, la La, la *
Now just me.
* La, la, la, la *
* La, la, la *
* La, la, la, la La, la *
* La, la *
* En *
* Rose *
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Hello, Fred. I was hoping you'd drop by.
The name is Lou, and we've never met.
Let's not get into a sweat about details.
Aren't you gonna light my fire?
Certainly.
I was just lookin' over your kindlin' wood.
[MATCH STRIKES]
If you're not busy, Fred. I get off at two.
Don't you think two's a good time to get off on?
Gentlemen, may I present Miss Betty DeBoop,
from the islands.
Caribbean or Virgin?
Well, let's just say I came back a Caribbean.
[MEN LAUGH]
How delightfully gauche.
I've always been enchanted with a lack of breeding.
Permit me to introduce myself.
I am Colonel Prince Count Baron Von Schlisseldorf,
German military attache to Cincinnati.
[HEELS CLICK]
Don't crack your shins on my account, boys.
[LAUGHTER]
The party will see you now.
He's in booth seven.
Phew.
Merci.
They just called from the French underground.
Quiet, you fool!
There are enemy ears all over.
Lower your voice!
Shh, shh.
What is it?
[WHISPERING]
Well, now it's too low. I didn't hear anything.
Testing. One, two? Testing? That's better. That's better.
Now, what is it?
The underground has called.
DuChard and his wife are on their way here.
I tried to stop them, but I was too late.
That's why Schlissel comes every night,
hoping one day to get his hands on DuChard.
I don't think that's completely true.
I think he really likes the roast veal.
[SNORTS]
MAN: Please do come in, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
Pepe Damascus, at your disposal.
[GASPS]
I hope my disgustingly cheap perfume
does not offend you.
I purposely stink
to keep my enemies from getting too close.
Well, they're better off than your friends are.
You said you knew where the girl is.
I do know where the girl is.
You're very impatient, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
Would you care for some Greek Kasseri?
All right, quit stalling.
You got something to say, talk fast.
Very well.
There is no young niece Caroline or Priscilla
or whatever Mrs. Danvers told you.
She also didn't tell me it was Mrs. Danvers.
It was she who hired your partner,
to search for a certain missing object d'art.
Talk faster, because I can't take
much more of your voice.
Perhaps she killed Mr. Merkle
in fear that he would double-cross her.
A dangerous woman?
Does oatmeal have lumps?
In Cairo she put a live electric wire
in my bathtub.
Fortunately I survived,
but I used to have straight hair.
Am I right in assuming then,
that you want me to work for you?
Precisely.
Help me find the missing object,
and I shall split a fortune with you, 50-50.
Shall we shake on it?
If we do, I want 60-40.
[WHEEZY, SNORTING LAUGH]
How do you stand being around yourself?
It isn't easy.
No hotel will take me for the entire night.
MAN: Pardon, monsieur.
Yes?
I'm--
Yes?
I've a message for Mr. Damascus.
Would you give it to him, please?
What is it?
Mr. B. has arrived in San Francisco from Jerusalem.
[GASPS]
He's staying at the Crusades Hotel.
All right. I'll give it to him.
Thank you, sir.
And here's a dollar for your trouble.
So...at last he's arrived.
Who is this Mr. B.?
Jasper Blubber. Mmm.
An insidiously dangerous tub of lard.
We must move quickly.
And what is this thing
that you're all after, anyway?
Na, na.
Curiosity killed the putty cat.
Pass the buck, please.
Thank you.
If you have to get in touch with me,
I'll be at the Biltmore Hotel,
until 2:30 a.m.,
then they make me move to the Stratford Arms.
Oh, if you bathe with turpentine,
you'll be fine in the morning.
Taxi!
[***]
Paul, are you sure we ought to be here?
There's nothing to worry about, my dear.
We're in England now.
No, Paul.
This is America.
Oh, yes. America.
We should have gone to a doctor, Paul.
I'm not sure I got all that bullet out of your head.
Oh, chérie.
It doesn't matter.
It's the thought that counts.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
Oh! I beg your pardon.
No, it's my fault, monsieur.
All right.
Oh, Madame DuChard!
Paul, it's so good to see you.
Uh-oh.
Mm-mm.
Shh, shh.
I tried to stop you both from coming.
Paul, you must leave at once.
Colonel Schlissel of the Cincinnati Gestapo is here.
Mmm.
So the black fox has followed me from France, uh?
Well, I am safe as long as I stay here in San Francisco.
He knows you intend to open
a little French restaurant in Oakland.
Paul, if you as much as take one step on the Oakland bridge,
your life isn't worth two francs!
Marcel, I haven't come this far to be stopped now.
We must open a two-star French restaurant in Oakland,
where all free Frenchmen
can gather around the radio to listen to the war.
Paul is an obstinate man.
Even with a bullet in it,
his mind is made up.
What about the documents?
Your papers of ownership and the liquor license,
are to be delivered by a courier here tonight.
Marcel, France owes you a great debt.
It's about 1500 francs,
but we can settle later.
What a pleasant surprise, Monsieur DuChard.
So the black fox
and the silver wolf meet again, huh?
And of course you remember
the gray rabbit and the blue chipmunk.
[HEELS CLICK]
May I present my wife, Marlene.
The white swan.
Of course.
It is always the most courageous of men
who win the most beautiful women.
But it is only the ruthless who get to keep them.
And it is a thousand candles
that will burn for every brave soldier,
that marches to the steps of the drums of liberty,
so that tyranny will never trample
the spirit of freedom in the hearts of men,
throughout a world thrown into darkness and despair.
Well spoken.
Whatever it means.
Ah, may I present Miss DeBoop,
like yourself, a well-built exile.
Hiya, honey.
Don't let the heinie get you down.
It is despots and tyrants
who run our rivers red,
with the colors of a hundred trampled flags,
that unfurl in the winds of liberty,
blowing over centuries of deprivation.
It's all right, darling.
We made our point.
Where men, who have known treachery
and treason can still light torches
in the caves of honor.
We'll have a drink and see the show.
It will calm you down.
There, gentlemen,
goes a brave, beautiful,
and extremely boring woman.
Do you like chocolate, my dear?
I can get you German chocolate bars.
Much better than Hershey's.
[SPEAKING PIDGIN GERMAN]
May I help you?
BOTH: No.
[PIDGIN GERMAN]
What is it, darling?
You look as if you've seen a ghost.
No, Paul.
Just someone I used to know.
Would you excuse me?
Of course.
Hello, Tinker.
How have you been?
I don't know no other song, ma'am.
It's the only one I know.
One-song Tinker, that's me.
You haven't forgotten it, Tinker.
You could never forget it.
I can't play it, ma'am,
without the music.
See, I'm a piano man that needs his music.
LOU: Here, take mine.
Hello, Marlene.
Long time, no see.
Hello, Louis.
No see in long time.
How long has it been?
A lot of water has passed under the bridge.
I got married.
And I'm trying to run an underground.
Why didn't you tell me you liked heroes?
I would've helped an old lady
across the street.
I swallowed my gum.
You made me swallow my gum.
Anything wrong?
Uh, no, no.
No, it's, uh, my mistake, sir.
For a second here, I thought
that this young lady was a girl
that I knew in France.
I was wrong.
The girl I know is dead.
Ah, a natural error, monsieur.
My wife has been mistaken
for dead girls by many men.
Paul! Yes?
The courier is here with the documents.
Let's go.
[BAND STOPS PLAYING]
May I have your attention, please?
From the BBC in London.
The first German Panzer division,
has entered the Rue des Castiglione.
[ALL GASP]
Paris has fallen!
Paris has fallen.
Paris.
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
MARCEL: Paris!
I cannot believe it!
Maybe it is a different Paris.
I don't think so.
There's only one Paris.
[SINGING "DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES" IN GERMAN]
[SINGING "LA MARSEILLAISE" IN FRENCH]
BOTH: * When the deep purple falls *
* Over sleepy garden walls *
* And the stars Begin to flicker *
* In the sky-- *
* Jeepers creepers *
* Where'd you Get them peepers *
* Jeepers creepers *
* Where'd you get them eyes Jeepers-- **
[SLAMS]
I told you not to play that song.
I-I'm sorry, Mr. Lou.
I told her you wouldn't like it.
[PIANO PLAYING SOFTLY]
Monsieur, everything is in order.
Not here, you fool!
Give him the papers in the toilet.
Where are you going?
In the toilet for the papers.
I must've been crazy fallin' for a dame
that would wear a hat like that.
Come on, slinky. Let's get out of here.
[GUNSHOTS]
[SCREAMS]
Strike up the band.
[BAND PLAYS]
What happened?
There was a fight. The Germans.
They-- They jumped us. They took the documents.
Your hand.
Yes, they slammed the seat on it.
But the gunshots.
I thought you were--
No, madame. It was us.
Busboy. Clean this table.
Without the papers we're prisoners here.
Paul, what will we do?
I don't know, my dear. I don't know.
Sorry about Paris, folks.
Sorry.
Uh-huh.
Perhaps, there is the one man
in San Francisco who can help us.
Of all the cheap gin joints
in the world,
I pick this one.
[PHONE RINGS]
BETTY: It's your nickel.
MAN: Hi, I'd like Mr. Peckinpaugh, please.
Who wouldn't?
Yeah?
Mr. Peckinpaugh?
I believe you had the distinct pleasure,
of meeting Mr. Damascus last night.
Who is this?
Jasper Blubber.
Blubber, huh?
Yeah, he mentioned you.
Would it be possible to meet you today,
to discuss the, uh, missing item, shall we say?
So to speak, uh, if you will?
Sure, why not? By your leave.
Twelve noon at the bar of the Crusades Hotel.
How will I recognize you?
You'll have no trouble there, sir.
I'm an extra large man.
I'll be sitting on the first two stools
as you come in.
[LINE CLICKS]
[DOOR BUZZER]
Who is it?
Marcel, from the club,
and Paul DuChard, the hero.
I'm sorry. I thought you were alone.
I tried it that way.
It's not as much fun alone.
What can I do for you boys?
Mr. Peckinpaugh,
last night, certain documents
belonging to me were stolen.
I need a man with skill and daring
to get those papers back...
...for me and for France.
You can pay, of course.
Uh, monsieur, we--
We are not wealthy people.
We lost over four million francs betting on the war.
Who'd you have?
We took France at eight to five.
They suckered you.
I have this golden watch.
It was given to me by the president
of the republic.
It is very valuable,
and it plays a lovely little tune.
It's yours if you'll help us.
MAN: * Mimi, you funny little *
* Good-for-nothing, Mimi *
* Am I the guy Mimi, you-- *
[MUSIC STOPS]
You got anything in a rumba?
I like rumbas.
Do we?
Too bad.
Sorry, boys, but this is not a pawn shop.
I'm using rented bullets for my gun.
We all got problems.
[DOOR OPENS]
Monsieur, perhaps when America is confronted with war,
you will think differently.
Thank God I think as a Frenchman.
Vive la France!
Vive la republique!
Hooray for Hollywood!
[DOOR SLAMS]
I like the way you handle yourself, Fred.
I do all right.
Here. Take this.
And if you thank me for it,
so help me, I'm gonna slug ya.
What is it?
A ticket to Africa.
A girl with a voice like yours
has got no place singing in a dump like America.
[SIGHS]
You just can't take it,
when someone like me gets too close,
can you, Fred?
A friend of mine has got a little club
on the Ivory Coast. He's a good joe,
but he's got a touch of leprosy.
Just don't shake his hand too hard.
See you around, slinky.
[SLAP]
Well, that's the way it goes.
But if you ever get lonely, Fred,
you just call me.
You know how to dial, don't you?
Just put your finger in the little round hole.
I'll write it down.
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
What do you say, kid? No school today?
Keep riding me, mac.
They'll bury you in 42 different cemeteries.
Cranky, aren't ya?
That always happens
when your second teeth start comin' in.
Blubber?
Who you callin' blubber?
[CRASH]
[MAN LAUGHS]
MAN: Over here, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
I am Jasper Blubber.
What a relief.
I was afraid I was gonna have to page you.
They would've beat my brains in.
You drink, of course.
Why not?
One gin sling.
I'd rather have a brandy.
One Gin Sling is the waiter.
One brandy, One Gin Sling.
Now, sir,
let's not waste your time.
Let's get right down to business.
What arrangements have you made with the woman?
Which woman?
The one who came to your office last night.
Natasha Ublenskaya.
Good, I thought you was
talkin' about somebody else.
Yeah, she apparently has information
regarding my partner's murderer.
Obviously she and Damascus
are after the same thing, and so are you,
unless I miss my guess.
[CHUCKLES]
Your reputation is not unwarranted, sir.
Drink up, and I'll tell you an astounding story.
This is a gin sling.
It is?
I was wrong.
The waiter's name is Brandy.
Now, sir, in 1853,
a little-known historical fact occurred.
Twelve Albanian fishermen,
conquered China,
Tibet and Mongolia.
My goodness. I didn't know that.
That's because you didn't take history in Albania.
Now, eventually the men returned home,
with the richest spoils of war ever documented.
Each man had a 760-carat diamond,
the size and shape of a large brown,
double "A" New Jersey egg.
Each diamond egg,
is worth in excess
of a quarter of a million dollars.
I believe you, sir. Go on.
They turned up in Paris in 1924.
A clever designer had strung
all 12 eggs together,
and sold it as a necklace
for a wealthy overweight woman,
who was trying to conceal a double chin.
The woman was murdered,
and the diamonds disappeared.
End of story.
The beginning for me, sir.
The murderer is a Rumanian sailor,
by the name of Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.
Can you say that again?
Not without spitting.
Well, sir, I have spent 16 years,
and every penny I have, sir,
tracking this man down,
and at last I have found him.
He is here in San Francisco,
just as sure as you're sitting there.
He's changed his name
by making an anagram out of his original name.
For seven years I've tried to unscramble it,
to no avail.
Do you mind if I take a look at that?
Don't waste your time, sir.
I've had well-paid experts give up on it.
Once I find him,
the rest is academic.
Of course.
You mind if I take these with me?
Not at all.
[WHISPERS]
Afraid our meeting has come to an end, sir.
We should leave separately.
It makes more sense if I go first.
Why is that?
Then I don't get stuck with the check.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yes?
Oh-- uh--
I know you did, Mrs. Merkle. Uh--
Mr. Peckinpaugh?
No, he hasn't come in yet.
You have a visitor in there.
A Miss Sophie Devega.
Pretty?
Prettier than me, but I'm easier.
I'm saving you for the rainy season.
Oh, yes. Mrs. Merkle,
I'll tell him you called.
I will. I promise. I swear.
Oh, yeah.
You're good at crosswords.
Try your hand at an anagram.
See if you come up with a name that makes sense
out of all this.
And if you can find it in the Frisco phone book,
your rainy season may be tonight.
Miss Devega, I presume.
Mr. Peckinpaugh? You look startled.
No, no. It's just that, uh,
you look like 14 other dames
that was here the other night.
Yes, I know.
They were my sister.
Well, that explains the resemblance.
Not to me. She was adopted.
Yeah, well, so am I, but,
I don't look like your sister either.
What can I do for you?
I want you to find someone for me.
I'm looking for my--
Mm?
I'm sorry. It's--
It's just so hard for me to say it.
I-- I-I would--
I would like for you to find my husband--
My father--
Uh, husband.
Well, make up your mind, which one do you want?
Both.
They are the same man, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
You mean you married your own father?
It's not like you think.
It was a simple wedding, done very tastefully.
I'm sure it was.
If you could just give me his name.
Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.
How do you spell that?
I'm not sure.
Well, we were never that close.
Well, that's understandable.
Well, why don't we just leave everything in my hands,
and I'll get in touch with you in a few days.
Do you have any money?
Well, daddy left a $10,000 trust fund
for each of us girls,
but as his wife, I can't touch it.
Well, here's 20.
Now, the first thing you do
is you go to a beauty parlor,
and you get that cheap dye job washed out of your hair.
Then when you're ready to tell me the truth, Mrs. Montenegro,
call me.
I'm gettin' sick and tired of playing
"guess what the fruitcake's name is today."
You're still sore about me
upchucking on your trench coat, aren't you?
You're good, baby.
But you're not that good.
I know who you're lookin' for
and why you wanna find him.
[PHONE RINGS] Don't call me for three days,
and when you do, use your real name.
By the way, what is it? SECRETARY: Hello?
Mary Jones. I swear it, Lou.
Well, change it. It sounds phony.
SECRETARY: Right, right. I'll tell him.
Lou, your landlady, Mrs. O'Brien,
she says someone's broken into your apartment.
She thinks that they're still there.
That's good.
That means I'm making a lot of people nervous.
Including Mrs. O'Brien.
Well, look here, if it isn't Mrs. DuChard herself.
I expected a housebreaker and instead I found a heartbreaker.
Louis, don't.
Wearing the same dress I bought you for Bastille Day
in that little shop near the cafe,
where we had turtle soup and coffee every day,
and the waiter's name was Sheldon.
Louis, don't. Let me ask you,
do you still go dancing in that smoky little club
where the men and women use the same john?
Don't, Louis. Moving your body next to his
slowly around the room.
Don't say those things to me, Louis.
Dancing closer to the bandstand so you can hear the music
and singing into his ear:
* Heigh-ho, heigh-ho *
* It's off to work we go *
Stop it, Louis. Stop it.
Do you think I have no feelings?
No memories?
Did you think my heart didn't stop last night in the club
when I saw you standing there?
I almost forgot what you look like.
Day by day I erased your face from my mind,
little by little, till all I had left
was your right ear and three front teeth on the bottom.
I still carry your picture in my locket.
Naturally, I had to cut off your head in case Paul found it.
Suddenly it all seems as though it was yesterday.
I stood in that train station.
I waited for you for over six hours.
And when your letter came, it started to rain.
And I opened it,
and the ink ran all over the page.
The most important letter in my life.
I still don't know what in the hell it said.
It said, "Dear Louis,
"I love you more than life itself.
"But to run off with you now that my country is in danger
"would be an act of cowardice.
I'm marrying Paul DuChard because--"
And that's all I can remember.
You can't remember why you married him?
That letter was written a long time ago.
I've written thousands of letters since.
What's the difference, Louis? What's done is done.
Can't remember why she married him.
I must've gone through eight liquor stores.
Don't you have a copy of the letter?
Don't you keep copies?
I keep only what's in my heart,
and you've never left it.
Did you ever stop to worry that I might have
killed myself over you?
And if you had,
it would've been easier than what I went through.
Sleeping night after night
with a man I didn't really love,
feeling his hands on my skin,
watching me undress,
taking baths and showers with me,
making me wear all sorts of--
All right, I got the picture. I heard it.
Let's go on to something new.
I want to come back, Louis.
I want to start over,
to pick up the pieces of our broken lives.
I want to be with you, to love you,
to take care of you.
Just like that, huh?
Well, I--
I would like to redecorate this room.
I don't like this chair very much.
You mean it?
You and me, just the way it was?
Not the way it was. Better.
How could it be better than it was?
I know so much more, Louis.
Paul has taught me so much. I don't wanna hear about it.
Let's keep it the way it was.
All right.
The way it was.
Do you have any champagne?
I still got the bottle I was saving for our honeymoon.
I got the bread and cheese too,
but that's hard as a rock.
I'll be right back.
I'm as happy as a schoolboy.
* Heigh-ho, heigh-ho *
* It's off to work we go *
[HUMMING]
You need any help, Fred?
What are you doing here?
I missed my boat.
It doesn't sail until tomorrow.
So I missed it a little early.
You can't stay here.
I'm busy picking up the pieces of my life.
If it's just a piece you want, Fred,
you can pick it up right here.
I want you out of here.
I'll manage to get her into the bathroom.
That will be your signal to go.
Sometimes it doesn't pay to treat a dame like you nice.
You'll be back. What makes you think so?
You forgot the glasses.
[***]
This chair looks much better over here,
don't you think so, Louis?
Oh, Louis, I can't wait to give my first party.
Here's to us, kid,
and the way it was.
And here's to love,
and thanking you for when you
steal the papers from Colonel Schlissel,
and then seeing that Paul is safely out of San Francisco.
[GLASS SHATTERS]
Is it something I said?
So that's it.
That's why you came up here tonight.
With your bedroom eyes and your dining room lips.
Playing me for a sap, and all the while you were just using me
to get your french-fried husband out of the fat.
You don't give a hill of beans about me, do you?
That's not true, Louis. I do give a hill.
[POUNDING]
Come in.
No, that was me.
Excuse me.
I think I need a couple of aspirin.
Who is she, Lou? I wanna know who she is.
What the hell are you doing here?
You said you'd call me.
Why didn't you call, Lou?
I even missed Floyd's funeral
because I didn't wanna leave the phone.
You didn't bring the cops with you?
[SIGHS]
I had him cremated.
This is all that's left of him.
Look.
I always thought of him as a bigger man.
Here, Lou.
Don't do that, Georgia.
Oh, but it's for you.
You keep him. He was your partner.
No, no. He was your husband.
He belongs onyourmantelpiece. I don't want him.
I want you. Oh, God,
I'm so crazy about you.
Watch it. Watch it. You're spilling Floyd.
Oh, take me away, Lou.
Take me away or I swear I'll tell the cops
how you and Floyd fought over me.
It wouldn't take much to pin his murder on you.
Can we talk about this in a few seconds?
I have company.
Are you coming back? I'm in here a lot.
Hurry.
Screw Floyd back on.
I'm leaving, Louis.
It was wrong of me to come here
and try to resurrect the past.
What was, was,
and will never be was again.
Wait.
I lost you once. I'm not gonna lose you again.
I don't know how, but I'll get those papers from Schlissel.
You and your husband meet me tomorrow night
at the Oakland ferry at 12:00.
Once he's on the boat, I give him the papers
and you give him the air.
There's no turning back now, angel.
And then it's you and me, just the way it was.
Only better.
I told you I don't want it better.
Now, get out of here. I got work to do.
Tell me, Louis.
All those years you waited for me,
was there ever another girl?
Never. Lou,
I came as fast as I could.
I see.
Did I ever tell you about the time
that Paul and I went skinny-dipping on the Riviera?
Don't tell me those things. It's not what you think.
She's my secretary.
I'll see you at the ferry.
All right.
I'll bring along some wallpapers for you to pick out.
Um, I'm sorry, Lou, but I did it.
I unscrambled the name.
Good girl. Wait there.
I'll be right back.
Come here.
Maybe you're right, slinky.
Maybe you and I are one of a kind.
I'm getting out of here tomorrow night,
and I'm taking you with me.
But I want you to do something for me first.
Oh, I love it when you give me orders.
Arrange to get Schlissel into the club tonight.
Five'll get you ten he's got DuChard's papers with him.
I need those papers, angel, and I need 'em bad.
Oh, you mean you want me to--
Don't tell me how you're gonna do it.
What I don't know won't hurt me.
I'll see you tomorrow night at the Oakland ferry at 12:00.
You're a good joe.
And then it's a slow boat to China for you and me, kid.
Now, get out of here. I got work to do.
Don't wear yourself out. I'm saving that for me.
Hi. Hello.
I'll see you tomorrow, Fred.
"Fred"? What do you got?
Well, here it is, Lou.
And wait'll you hear what it turns out to be.
[GEORGIA SCREAMS] Hold it a second.
I'll be right with you.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[GASPS]
I trip-- I tripped on the mat.
I couldn't help it.
He's in there. That's Floyd, Lou.
[GASPING] [CANISTER CLATTERS]
All right, get ahold of yourself.
[SOBBING]
No point in crying over spilt husbands.
[FLUSHING]
[SOBBING] Take it easy.
I guess this is the wrong time to say a prayer.
Now I have no one.
Only you.
And if I can't have you, no one will.
Are you crazy?
Give me that gun! Oh! Oh!
Oh, God, we shot Floyd again!
All right, sugar.
All right. [SOBBING]
Easy. Easy.
He's past all that now. Oh!
I don't wanna hear any more nonsense
about you trying to pin Floyd's murder on me.
I won't,
as long as I know we'll be together.
Of course we will, angel.
Only we're gonna get out of San Francisco.
Oh.
Now, you bring all them letters I wrote you
and the gorilla pictures we took,
and meet me tomorrow night at the Oakland ferry at 12:00.
You got that? Anything you say, darling.
That's a good girl.
Now, grab yourself a cab and get a good night's sleep.
You know I'd do anything for you, Lou.
Oh, hello, Miss Duffy. Hello, Mrs. Merkle.
I'm awfully sorry I couldn't be at the funeral.
We'll all miss him.
But Floyd is in his final resting place now.
Or soon will be.
[SOBBING]
All right, come on in.
Oh, I can wait if there's more.
Sit down. Let's hear what you got.
Hold on to your hat.
Vladimir Tserijemiwtz
is Ezra C.V. Mildew Dezire, Jr.
Wait a minute.
Tserijemiwtz is two T's.
The name you come up with don't have none.
That was the whole key.
Some people spell the czar of Russia, t-s-a-r.
But in America, we spell it c-z-a-r.
Any fool knows that.
So when I tried the American spelling, I came up with Ezra--
[IN UNISON] C.V. Mildew Dezire, Jr.
Of course.
Who the hell is he?
The owner of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Right.
You did fine, angel.
Now, forget you ever heard that name.
Don't ever repeat it to anyone.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
Yes, he is. Who's calling, please?
It's him. Ezra C.V. Mildew Dezire, Jr.
I told you not to repeat it.
Hello.
Yes.
Yes, Mr. Dezire.
Ten o'clock tomorrow morning. Your place.
Yes, I know where that is.
Where the rich people live.
Not at all. It's my pleasure, sir.
He wants to see me.
All the pieces are beginning to fall into place, angel.
And I got you to thank for it, kid.
Go ahead and thank me, Lou. Thank me here, now.
You don't know how long I've waited for a really good thank.
Are you trying to tell me that--
Yes. I know I look like I've been around,
but I've never been thanked in my whole life.
You sweet, silly kid.
Why haven't I ever noticed you before?
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] Who is it?
Lady Edwina Morgan St. Paul.
It's that crazy Mrs. Montenegro.
Sorry, angel.
I'm gonna have to give you that thank some other time.
I knew there'd be one more.
Good night, kid. Good night, Lou.
Hello. Certainly.
LOU: No tip. Death in the family.
I wish it was you!
[DOORBELL CHIMING]
I'm Lou Peckinpaugh. I have an appointment with Mr. Dezire.
Well, I suppose that'shisbusiness.
Wait in here, please.
Mind if I smoke? [CLOCK CHIMING]
If it were my house, yes.
WOMAN: See anything you like?
[***]
I'm Jezebel Dezire.
Accent on the Dezire.
How do you do?
I'm Peck Loukinpaugh. [CHUCKLES]
Don't worry. I do that to everyone.
Even to myself.
Ezra just got up from his nap.
[MUMBLING]
It takes a while to get his motor started.
You may go now, Beatrice.
BEATRICE: Ma'am.
How do you do, sir? [MUMBLING]
I'm Lou Peckinpaugh.
[MUMBLING]
What's he saying?
You're pumping too much blood to his head.
Oh.
Sorry. [MUMBLING]
[PANTING]
Are you all right, dear? Oh, good.
JEZEBEL: Would daddy like to swim
in his bathtub tonight?
Would he?
Oh, your father called last night.
He said he needed my services.
Oh, he's not my father. The old coot's my husband.
LOU: Oh, I'm sorry. You can imagine how I feel.
[MUMBLING]
I am so grateful
that you're going to help my husband.
He needs all he can get.
It's chilly in here, darling.
Would you like to sit near the nice, cozy fire?
[MUMBLES] Sure you would.
Here...
we go.
Whee! [MUMBLING]
[JEZEBEL LAUGHING]
Oh.
Oh, what a butterfingers I am.
Nice catch, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
I was almost a widow.
Hmm, oh, won't you join me in a little drinky?
What's your pleasure?
Uh, what you've got there looks good.
I know. But I thought you'd like a little drink first.
[CHUCKLING]
Very gracious. Uh, I, uh--
I've been over your bridge many times, sir.
You certainly have a nice location there,
right over the water and everything.
[MUMBLING]
Would you like anything to nibble on?
No, no. I don't, uh,
nibble on the job, thank you.
Just how did you folks pick me? From the phone book.
I liked the sound of your name.
Peck 'n' paw. Know what I mean?
I think everyone knows what you mean.
[CHUCKLING]
You got a nicely built,
uh, house, sir.
Like a brick shingle.
Why don't you pull up a sofa and sit down.
Thank you.
You said on the phone last night, sir,
that you thought that I could be of some service to you.
Just how good is your service?
I try to satisfy.
Do you charge by the hour or by the satisfaction?
LOU: Uh, by the results.
I take it the old boy don't hear too good.
He hears everything we're saying.
Oh, really? Mm-hm.
How you doing, old-timer? Oh, forget him.
Otherwise he'll want to come everywhere with us.
Look, Mrs. Dezire,
you're a very attractive woman.
But I'm here on business.
Now, why did he call me last night?
He thinks I'm cheating on him.
He wants you to find out who the man is.
Some of my jewelry is missing,
and Ezra thinks I gave it to my lover.
Did you give it to him?
Everything but my jewelry.
What kind of jewelry is missing?
Hm, nothing important.
Just, hm, a few trinkets and burbles.
Trinkets and what? Burbles.
You know, like burbles and bangles.
The word you're looking for, Mrs. Dezire, is "baubles."
If you were an American, you would know that.
But the fact is, it's only Romanians
that pronounce it "burbles."
And that's why it's difficult for you,
isn't it, Mrs. Vladimir Tserijemiwtz?
Oh!
[WITH ROMANIAN ACCENT] I told you we would not get away with it.
I told you it was stupid idea!
I told you I could not say
"burbles."
You are pretty fast on your tippy-toes,
Mr. Pockinbush.
But not quite tippy-toe enough.
Yes, Mr. Peckipok,
it's very clever how you figured out
that I am Vladimir Tsemejem--
Tsemetseme-- Tsemenye--
[STUTTERING]
It's been so long since I've said it,
I forgot how to pronounce it.
How's it go? Tserijemiwtz.
Oh, permit me to introduce my oversexed wife.
The former Nadia Gladdia Poppenescu.
Nice to meet you. Anytime, anywhere.
Perhaps by now you already guessed
that the Albanian diamond eggs
were stolen from my safe last night.
Up. Since you're the only man who can recognize me,
I must sadly bring this meeting
and your life to a close.
Goodbye-chik. So longski.
Knocking me off isn't gonna find out who took your diamonds.
I already know who took the diamonds.
I was the one who killed the fat woman in Paris
and stole the diamonds.
But I had a partner, so we came to an arrangement.
I got to keep the diamonds,
and he got to keep a bullet from me in his chest.
I always heard you Romanians were hotheaded.
It's just the gypsy in our soul.
Unfortunately, he did not die.
I left him bleeding on the rug,
vowing that he would get even with me one day.
But that was 10 years ago.
He can't last much longer.
But then again, neither can you.
Toodle-ooski.
Gotcha.
No, I think they got you.
Oh?
Hey, look at that hole.
Oh, boy.
Behind the drapeski.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[CAR DEPARTS]
[WIND HOWLING]
[DOOR SHUTS]
He's quite a guy.
Been bleeding for 10 years and still quick as a rabbit.
[PHONE RINGING]
I'll get that. That's for me.
Revolting. Get something. Cover him up.
Yes, angel?
No, no, I'm fine. Everything went like clockwork.
It was the word "burbles" that tripped her up,
just like we figured.
What's that? When?
I'm on my way now.
If you're smart, you'll stay out of this mess.
The police have nothing they can pin on you.
Uh, maybe when this is all over,
you can come back and teach me
how to say "burbles." Huh?
You just keep your door unlocked.
[CHUCKLING]
[***]
There's a man dying to see you, Lou.
I mean, a man who's dying wants to see you.
Well, get him in here, fast.
BESS: Mr. Peckinpaugh will see you now, sir.
Is he-- Dead?
He should've been 10 years ago.
Sorry about this, Marcel. Where did he plug you?
It's been so long, I forget.
Whiskey.
Jesus! Anyone else would have been dead in two days
from a wound like that.
How did you stay alive for 10 years?
I cut out all salt and spicy dishes.
But I'm afraid this is it, my friend.
Thanks for this afternoon.
Lou, you are never gonna believe what happened to me.
You made it. Good girl.
If I was, I never would have gotten the papers.
You mean you and that pig Schlissel?
You sent me there.
Lou, it was terrible. Don't tell me what he did.
He made me play war. I don't wanna hear about it.
He was a shtuka dive bomber, and I was Poland.
Forget it, I said.
I had to pretend I was asleep,
and then in the middle of the night, I heard these--
These great big bombers overhead--
Why do you dames love to tell me these things?
Keep it to yourself.
Now, hand over the papers,
because Marcel is about to check out.
I don't have 'em. What?
When I left Schlissel's place,
that punk kid that works for Blubber grabbed me.
I warned you about him. Didn't I warn you about him?
He drove me out to the country on an old deserted road.
Then he made me get out of the car.
I don't wanna hear it! He put me in front
of the headlights, and he made me dance the carioca.
They know it gets to me.
That's why they all torture me this way.
No papers, no diamonds. That was our deal, monsieur.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hold it. Maybe that's Blubber.
We can still make a deal.
Hello. Yes?
Yes. I got the goods with me now.
Shall we say my place in 30 minutes?
And make sure that punk kid is there.
I got a score to settle with him.
I heard about the carioca.
And the what?
He did what? I'm hanging up.
I'll need the goods, Marcel.
You're gonna just have to trust me.
Don't be stubborn, you crazy Frenchman.
Time is on their side.
I don't think he's being stubborn.
I think he's being dead.
[SNAPS]
Just once I'd like to see somebody
die regular on this case.
Call Lieutenant DiMaggio. Tell him where I'll be,
but not to make a move until he gets my signal.
This could be the wrap-up, angel.
And the kiss-off for me, is that it?
I don't know. Tell me nothing happened.
Even if you lie, I'll believe you.
Nothing happened.
Jesus, it sounds worse than before.
Eh.
[SHIP HORN BLOWS]
MAN: Thirty-five cents, sir.
LOU: How'd you like to make yourself some real dough?
I say we kill him the moment
he comes in the door with the bundle.
MAN: You'd like that, wouldn't you? You greasy imbecile.
I want no part of this.
I just want my share of the money so I can get my hair done.
Somebody's coming up the stairs.
I was told to deliver this to Mr. Peckinpaugh.
I'll take that, son.
Keep your hands up, everybody.
Okay, cabbie, put the package on the table,
along with my change.
[COINS JINGLING]
All right, punk, throw your bed on the gun.
[WOMAN CLEARS THROAT]
WOMAN: Gun on the bed. LOU: What?
Gun on the bed. You said, "Throw your bed on the gun."
Big deal. That's only the first mistake I made on this case.
That's not bad, considering how complicated it is.
Go ahead. Throw it.
You feel a little naked now, punk?
Now we see how tough you are.
Like to slap women around, don't you?
Well, now we're gonna find out how you react
to a little of the same.
Slap yourself in the face.
It's either that or I use the business end of this gun.
Now, slap yourself.
You call that a slap? That's a love tap.
Now give it to yourself good.
Go on.
Harder.
He's had enough! Harder.
Harder! Harder! [MUTTERING]
Harder! Harder!
[PANTING]
[THUD]
Does anybody else want more of the same?
By Gad, son, you are an extraordinary man.
However, if you've had your fill of revenge,
perhaps we can get down to the important business
of cracking eggs.
Not so fast, chubbikens.
There's a little matter of DuChard's
lease and liquor license.
LOU: Slowly.
Give it to the girl. Miss Shearer.
Who?
Norma Shearer.
Well, you told me to change it.
LOU: All right, give it here.
Now get back there with your pals.
Well, everything seems to be in order.
All right, folks, the bundle is all yours.
[***]
Sixteen years.
A quarter of a lifetime
I've waited for this moment.
I'll be able to buy everything I ever wanted and never had.
Friends. A mother.
I want to be young forever.
And money can make you young and fresh and beautiful.
Hurry. Open the package quickly.
I want to look good tonight.
You and your fat fingers. Let me do it.
[GRUNTING]
I just--
Bite the string off, you idiot. Chew it! Eat it!
Lick it off! Anything!
[GROWLING]
NORMA: Open it. Open it quickly before the stores close!
The treasure of Tibet.
Oh.
One-twelfth of all the wealth
of ancient China!
Oh. Oh.
The diamonds. I want to see the diamonds.
Here. Open it.
[GASPS]
NORMA: Oh. [CHIRPING]
[NORMA LAUGHING]
Chickies. Sixteen years I've wasted on...
little--
[SOBBING]
Chicklets? Chicklets?
What can I buy with chicklets?
It's all your fault!
Take all your little chickies, lard ass.
Everywhere a ch-- Whoa. [THUD]
Duped. Sixteen years down the toilet.
Sorry, folks, but I'm sending you over.
[CHIRPING] LOU: Come on in, boys.
They're all yours, Frank. [SNAPS]
And what is the charge, may I ask?
The murder of Floyd Merkle and five unimportant people.
Sorry, Frank, but nobody here killed nobody.
The most you got on them is a chicken-stealing charge.
Then who did kill Merkle and the others?
All in good time, Frank. All in good time.
Now get 'em out of here. [SNAPS]
You're an astounding man, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
Also, unfortunately, a pain in the ass.
PEPE: I don't mind really, as long as we can be together.
I never really had a best friend.
You lousy shamus.
DiMAGGIO: What about miss, uh, what's-her-name?
Put her on the Oakland ferry.
But, Lou-- Well, I thought you and I had--
Sorry, beautiful, but I got a date in 20 minutes,
and this time I'm gonna keep it.
[SHIP HORN BLOWS]
* Mimi *
Two minutes to midnight.
You know, I'm a brave man, darling,
but I'm getting panicky.
He'll be here, Paul. He promised me.
You, uh,
you went to his apartment that night, didn't you?
[SHIP HORN BLOWS]
Yes.
I'm sorry, Paul.
How long have you known that Louis and I are lovers?
I didn't know until you told me just now.
I thought you went there looking for me.
Yes. That's why I went there.
I made up the part about us being lovers,
because I know you don't like me looking for you.
Oh.
We can still make it if you hurry.
Schnell! Schnell! Yes, sir?
I wasn't talking to you, Schnell.
I was saying "faster" in German.
I understand.
One minute to midnight. Schnell! Yes, sir?
English. We speak only English from now on. No more German.
Yes, sir. We'll never make it.
Quicker! Quicker! Yes, sir?
Not you, Qvicker. Uh, forget it.
It's a waste of time.
[CHIMING]
[***]
They're leaving. They're leaving without us.
That's only the first warning.
You must try to calm yourself, Paul.
Yes, yes. I'm sorry. I'm really wonderful in a war.
I only get nervous when I'm late for things.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
I'm sorry I'm late, but I had some odds and ends
I had to clean up.
Oh, yes. It's quite all right.
Marlene got a little hysterical, but, uh, I calmed her down.
And you have the papers? I said I'd keep my word.
And I shall keep mine.
How can I ever repay you, monsieur?
I have so little.
What can I possibly give you in return?
How about your wife?
No, she has nothing either.
Paul, there's something I think I should tell you.
Can't you tell me on the ship, darling?
Maybe you two wanna be alone. No.
This is something that concerns us all.
Paul,
there's nothing in the world I would want to do less
than hurt you.
No one has ever been more kind
and more generous to me than you've been.
but Louis is the only man I've ever loved.
Paul, I can't go with you.
I'm going off with Louis.
Now. Tonight. Forever.
You mean I'm not getting the papers?
Yes, you're getting the papers.
You're just not getting me. But I am getting the papers?
I said you were. You scared the life out of me.
I thought I wasn't getting the papers.
They seem to mean more to you than I do.
Certainly not. But you have Louis.
I think it's only fair that I get the papers.
Look, I don't wanna be the cause of a family quarrel.
Just give him the goddamn papers.
[SHIP HORN BLOWING]
Well, that's the last warning. I really must leave.
Here you go.
You're quite a guy, frenchy.
Thank you.
Take good care of her.
[***]
Now, darling,
no tears.
No sad faces, no remorse,
no regrets.
We danced
as long as the music played.
You belong to him now.
But you will always be a very special part of--
Do I have carbon copies of all of this?
It's all in there.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Cherie, au revoir.
Au revoir, monsieur. [DOOR SHUTS]
MAN: Stop where you are, DuChard.
Jesus, this case never lets up.
You're coming back to Germany with me, DuChard.
I promise you will be given a fair trial and found guilty.
Run, Paul! [GUNSHOT]
[SHIP HORN BLOWS]
Au revoir, cherie. Au revoir!
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Oh, hello, Frank. I had a hunch you'd follow me down here.
Did you get the other heinies? They're in the van.
I got the whole place surrounded.
Every man's got a shotgun.
You won't need 'em, Frank. I'll handle this.
It's all over, kid. You can come out now.
[***]
Hi, Lou.
Mad at me?
No.
It was the girl I was trying to shoot.
You know how jealous I get. I know, kid.
That's why I killed Floyd.
He was getting to spend more time with you than I did.
That's the way it goes, kid.
I'm sorry about killing all those others at the hotel.
I must have been irritable.
You should have taken some aspirin instead.
But it's still you and me, isn't it, Lou?
We'll talk about it, kid.
With a good lawyer, I could be out in 40 years.
I'll watch my weight. I could still be desirable.
I'm betting on you, kid.
[SIGHS]
Nice night for a boat ride.
You got yourself one hell of a guy there, lady.
If you wanna hold onto him,
don't burn his bacon.
It breaks your heart.
See you around? Who knows?
It's a funny business.
Yeah. Goodbye.
Oh, Louis, we're together.
And it's going to be just the way it was, darling.
No, angel. It's gonna be better.
I brought the car around, Lou, just like you told me to.
Good boy, Hoppy.
Ah, sweetheart,
I'd like you to meet the girls.
My secretary, Bess, you've already met.
Hello again.
And this is Betty DeBoop. A lot of laughs.
Hi, kid.
Nadia Gladdia Poppenescu.
A little kinky, but nice. Mm, you bet you.
And, of course, Mrs., uh-- Uh--
Stanwyck. Barbara Stanwyck
Hello, girls.
LOU: All right, Hoppy, let's get out of here.
[CORK POPS]
[ALL LAUGHING]
[***]
[HARRY WARREN'S "JEEPERS CREEPERS" PLAYING]