(thunderclap)
(water splashing)
(sighs)
- Hey, Rene. - Zane?
- How's my favorite cousin? - What are you doing in here?
- I wanted to talk. - About what?
About us.
You know, there's something special between us.
- A connection. - I know.
- You think you can change the past? - Of course not, silly.
No.
- And that's a problem for us. - Why?
Because something's past doesn't mean that it's finished.
Zane, please stop sounding like a fortune cookie, OK?
I'm sorry, Cuz.
- I only want what's best for you. - I believe you.
Mm.
That faith may get tested.
Well, I'm good with tests. What do you got?
Well, it's simple. Just tell me you believe me.
OK.
And give me a kiss.
- I shouldn't. - It's just between us. Us and no one else.
OK.
(chuckles)
(coughing)
Jesus, Rene! I'm trying to help you. What happened?
- I saw this... - What?
- Was Zane here? - While you were in the tub?
What do you think?
No?
Good guess. What makes you think he was here?
- We were talking. It seemed real. - I guess it wasn't a happy conversation.
No. It was OK until the end. I guess it was just a dream.
- Bravo, Sherlock. - That's it.
I just fell asleep, I slid under, I started screaming, called out.
That's what happened. Stupid. It's fine.
That's why you get As - 'cause you figuring out really hard stuff like that.
- Yeah. And I study. - Oh, I study.
Beer labels.
- It's what I'm good at. - Yes, you are.
Now, who is the smartest girl that you know?
- Um, Susan Dunleavy? - Are you sure about that?
Baby, she passed the test to be a trainer the first time she took it.
Well, buddy, you might wanna rethink your position.
Why? Hah!
- You are the smartest person in the world. - Hmm.
Maybe not in the world. But definitely in this bathroom.
(# rock)
- All right, what did you find out? - Wait a second. Ahchoo.
- What the hell is that? - It's just a minor compulsion,
but I'm handling it better now.
Yes. Are there going to be mold spores where we're going?
I don't know. Can we get on task now?
OK. So you know about your great-grandfather discovering gold
- and building the Blanca Canyon house? - That's where we're going.
Did you know he had the richest strike in the territory?
No. Did he do anything with it?
You know, build towns, invest in stocks, buy railroads, anything like that.
Not that I found.
- Would you like some cupcake? - No, thank you. Go on.
I found nothing about deeds or investments.
The gold had to go somewhere.
He takes it out of a mine, he doesn't get it turned into cash. So, what's he do with it?
There were some rumors about him, you know.
Like what?
People thought he murdered his first wife and buried lots of gold with her body.
Hmm.
Didn't say where, by chance?
No.
Let's see... Second wife shows up, mail-order bride from South Dakota.
- Find out anything about a fire? - Yeah.
It was 16 years after he married wife number two
that the house burned down, and everybody inside got chopped up.
- Not everybody- - Right- One boy got away-
My grandfather. Anybody get arrested for that?
Um, no. There wasn't even suspects.
- Do you have bugs or something, man? - What? No.
Oh, this just helps keep me focused. And sanitized.
So, this rich old prospector probably didn't believe in banks.
He's got a mountain full of gold. You said this was the richest strike in the territory?
Oh, even for the time, he was worth millions.
Where the fuck did it go?
Don't you know about your family's history?
- Yeah, we're cursed. - What?
- Anything else? - Um...
No.
Thanks again for taking me on the road trip.
- I don't go on too many. - Find that hard to believe.
Oh, um, Zane? Do you feel bad about getting kicked out of school?
No. Academic probation, Phil.
Probation. I didn't get kicked out, all right?
Don't mention that to Rene. I'll tell her when the time is right.
- OK. I heard kicked out. - That's the last we'll have to say about it.
OK, Zane. Hey, that's a cool ring. What is it, is it?
It's gold. Gold.
I knew it. I knew it.
(laughs)
I knew the gold was here.
And I'm gonna find it all.
And I'm gonna buy this whole fuckin' territory.
Look at you. (spits)
(wind howls)
Who's there?
You fuck with Lester, you're gonna be in a passel of trouble.
Oh, yeah.
Beautiful.
(pebbles rattling)
Come on, Lester. You keep your shit together now.
You're gonna be rich.
(horn honks)
(# rock on radio)
Hey, do me a favor. Go in the glove compartment, hit the yellow button.
Hey, Danny. She making you crazy yet, man?
- Almost every day. - (Zane) Here. Hit it.
What up?
- Have you been a good boy or a bad boy? - Good boy, of course.
Something tells me bad boy. Don't lie to me, Zane, about anything, ever.
- And what brought this on? - I had this dream.
- And I lied to you in it? - I don't know. It got really weird.
OK, so you're yelling at me for something that I didn't do to you in your dreams.
And they think I need meds. You're crazy, Cuz.
- Have you been taking those meds? - Every day.
Cross your heart, hope to die?
What else happened in this dream?
You talked about us being together forever.
- And what did you say? - They're dreams.
- You can't believe in dreams. - You can if you choose to.
Hey, you wore it.
It's my family heirloom. It's appropriate, considering where we're going.
Well, I'm glad you like it.
Someone special gave it to me.
Hey, Phil. This is Rene and Danny.
This is the man who got me through the most boring class on campus.
- Almost. Almost. - What?
- Where are you picking up your pledges? - In front of the sorority house.
- Then we're off. - What did you mean, "almost"?
(Zane clears throat)
(# rock)
(Rene) Don't stay in the car. Turn off your computer, let's go.
(Zane) It's just gonna take a second.
Come on.
- Kind of crowded. We gotta find your two. - They'll stand out.
- (Phil) Maybe we should lock the doors. - It's a convertible.
That is awesome! It's humiliating!
I think the spark of sadism definitely has your fingerprints on it, Cuz.
Got milk?
- Hi, Rene. - Hi, Rene.
I need to hear it with spirit this time, and don't forget to smile.
# I would bow-wow for Omega Tau
# I'd be a cow for Omega Tau
(bell jingles)
So, where exactly are we going?
To a haunted house in the middle of the desert.
For real?
All you two need to know is that, wherever we go, you're my servants, my slaves.
- I like the sound of that! - My slaves. No one else's.
What exactly does this initiation consist of?
- Whatever comes to mind. - And what a mind she has.
- I'd be afraid, girls. - She's really good at mental cruelty.
But she's not above a little physical abuse, either.
You like to get spanked, Danny?
Do you like to get punched, Phil?
It's nice getting to know each other like this.
And we will all during the trip. But I think I want some entertainment.
- Cow, amuse us. - How?
Tell us where is the most uncomfortable place you've ever had sex.
- On a staircase. - All right.
- Dog. - Horse.
No, you're a dog, not a horse.
Oh.
- Very interesting. - Come on, guys. Let's hit the road.
Get going. Come on.
Hi.
Forgot my iPod. May I go get it, please?
Gallop.
- Hey, Phil. What about you? - What?
Where was the most uncomfortable place for you?
- Phil. - What?
She's talking about having sex, like, with another person.
- Ha-ha. Very funny. - Well?
- Garage. - Listen to this. Phil!
Getting down and dirty with the 10 weight-30.
- You are such a poet. - Maybe I'm full of culture.
(Rene) Is that what you're full of? Thought it was something else.
- (sound of blade slicing) - Shit.
Mwah. Hey, Zane.
Zane. Zane?
- Yes, Rene? - There's a question awaiting your reply.
Hmm.
- Bank vault. - Did you get free checking, too?
- Yes, I did. - No surprise. Banks like you.
They tolerate me. They like my money.
- Your money? - Mine when I graduate.
Bank shouldn't worry, because I don't see that happening any time soon.
- Soon enough, Rene. - Was it, like, on top of a pile of cash?
Well, actually, Julie, yeah.
- It was. - Got it.
- Anyone want a beer? - Yes.
Or Cheesy Poufs. I have some. And pre-moistened towelettes for your fingers.
- Do you even drink beer, Phil? - Sure. Sure.
Yeah, just keep them down until we get on the road, all right? This too.
- What is it? - The X factor.
- Cool. Could you give me one, please? - (Rene) No.
Omega Tau women must be resourceful.
- I could be nice to you. - All right, give her one.
Danny, I can be even nicer.
Think I need to spend more time around your sorority house.
No.
Danny, let me get those.
If you can loosen your grip on that laptop, you may find this worth looking into.
- What is it? - Something to make you happy to be here.
But I'm already I'm happy I'm here, here.
It's something that'll make us happy that you're here.
- It'll make you feel good. - Either way is good, though.
You decide for yourself.
- Whoa, that's hardcore. - (chuckles)
There you go.
- Holy shit. - (Julie) Get crazy.
You all right there, buddy?
- The beer went down the wrong pipe. - (Rene) Sure.
(Rene) Let's go!
(# "Oh Yeah" by Huck Johns)
Oh, shit!
Shit.
- What happened? - What did you brake for?
- Did you see something? - I thought I saw a fucking...
- (Rene) What? - I'm not sure.
Could have been an animal or maybe a coyote or something.
- There's coyotes out there? - You're in the desert.
There's all sorts of wildlife out here.
Look around. We already got a cow and a dog in the car.
- You think there are more animals here? - Lions and tigers and bears, oh, my.
Yeah, well, we have prairie dogs, cougars, snakes, some buffalo.
- Buffalo? - Zane, are you OK to drive?
Yeah. I'm fine.
- Sure about that? - Yes.
I'm fine.
OK.
(# "Furthermore" by Fantastic Black)
- What the hell is this? - Welcome to Lester's.
- You mean it looks better now? - A real house and garden.
More like trailer and maniac.
Just don't bring that up in front of him. He's kind of got a screw loose.
(gasps)
Laura, look!
(squeals)
- What? - Bunny!
Feel like I could fuck a buffalo.
There's one over there. Why don't you go introduce yourself?
I will.
- Don't be scared, bunny. - Shh.
My name's Danny,
and I like quickies in the wide-open plains.
- (Julie) He's so still. - I see a rabbit.
Oh, he's so pretty.
(screams)
Lester's subtle way of saying hello.
- Is he home? - He's not answering.
But his truck is here.
You know there's a rabbit over there you can go up to and pet? And it stands so still.
Oh, and it has the cutest pair of pointy little antlers.
Raah! Raah, raah!
- Who's scarier? - You are, just for asking that.
(clanking)
What is that?
It's an entrance to an old goldmine. There's lots of them up in the hills.
- What's in it? - (Julie) Gold?
It's kind of noisy for gold.
(sound of Native American chanting)
- Ha! - (girls scream)
Jesus Christ, Lester! What the hell is wrong with you?
I come out here to find strangers on my property. A man's got a right to yell.
Your property? What are you doing in the mine?
What's my business.
Fuck.
(Phil yells)
(Lester laughs)
Damn. Ruby's good, huh?
- (Rene) You named it Ruby? - Yeah.
- After an old girlfriend. - Well, I think that's sweet.
If you met her, you wouldn't.
Come here.
How'd you like to pet a real desert coyote, huh?
Yeah.
They don't usually let you get up this close and personal.
- Ahem. It's kind of soft. - Yeah.
Warm.
Smells real clean.
- Creamy- - (clears throat) Lester.
We've traveled for hours. We'd like to get up to the house. Could you get the keys?
Your daddy never told me you were coming.
Well, that's not a surprise, 'cause he doesn't know I'm here.
You grew up cute.
- Maybe I oughta call him. - Look, Lester.
Unless they built a relay station nearby, and they didn't,
you know there's no landlines and no cell phone service.
(fly buzzing)
- I got a short wave. - I don't even know where you'd call.
Last week, he was in China. This week, I don't know where he is.
Guess I don't have a lot of choice on this one, do I?
Thank you, Lester.
- All right, everybody back in the car. - (Rene) Bye, Ruby.
Your work has gotten better. Much more... lifelike.
- Yeah, listen, about the house... - We won't trash it. I give you my word.
I wouldn't go wandering around the subcellar and such.
- Why not? - I think we got some critters living there.
What kind?
Maybe prairie dogs. Could be bobcat.
Could be cougar. You don't wanna run into one of those face to face.
- Well, why didn't you get them out? - I'm just trying to give you some advice.
Some advice to try and keep you and your rich friends safe.
So you can listen, you can not listen. All right?
Whichever you choose to do, I don't really give a shit.
And what the hell are you doing up here, anyway?
Rene's got some pledges she wants to scare,
and I had some time, so it worked out for both of us.
- Yeah? Maybe I can help. - What does it mean to you, anyway?
It's just damn odd, you being here, is all.
You need to get into town. Get yourself some human company for a change.
(laughs) Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
You do.
You all can think of me what you will, but I know what I know.
And you'll damn soon wish that you did, too.
You know how to start a generator, college boy?
Yes.
You put it on right away. You hit the outside lights on. After dark, you stay inside. OK?
You understand me? You don't go outside. You hear that?
Yeah, I hear you, Lester. And I'm not afraid of the dark.
Then college ain't taught you shit, 'cause this cougar out there...
Some are Ruby's family, probably looking for payback.
So you got a lick of sense, you'll do like you're told.
Mm.
You been spending much time up at that house?
Only when something needs checking on.
So you haven't been up there, looking for anything.
Shit, boy. Look for anything in that house, all you're gonna find is trouble.
Thanks.
- Hey, who was that guy, man? - Lester is the caretaker
of sorts, for the house and grounds.
(# rock on radio)
- He lives in that trailer all by himself? - (Julie) Who'd wanna live with him?
- Obviously not Ruby. - Blah, blah.
- Let's party! Who wants another beer? - Man, I feel good.
(Phil) Weird. Weird.
(Native American chanting)
- (Rene) Wow. - Here we are.
Zane...
- This place rocks! - I thought it'd be older.
This is fairly new. The original house was built in the late 1800s.
These stone walls here, it's all that's left of the original house after the fire.
Hey, I'm gonna go and get the generator started, all right?
Oh, hey, Phil. When you get a chance, put the top up.
Girls, get our bags onto the front porch, and then go help Zane.
He'll need a hand bringing wood inside. What do we say while we work?
We do it great, we do it now, 'cause that's the way of Omega Tau.
- Phil, next time, just say no. - But I love Cheesy Poufs.
Shit.
Jesus fucking old bastards.
Fuckin' Lester.
Now we're good there.
(generator motor whirs)
(stalls)
(whirs)
(stalls)
(whirs)
Fucking got gas. What more do you want?
(whirs)
(stalls)
(whirs)
Just do it.
(motor whirs/starts)
- What the fuck? - Sorry!
Rene said we had to help you carry wood into the house.
I need to get the back door open, turn on some lights.
Julie, you can help me inside. Laura, you can go back and help Rene.
- We'll meet you in front. - All right.
Come on. I'll show you around. You scared the shit out of me.
All right. Come on in.
Aw, this isn't so bad for a haunted house.
Oh, this place definitely has its creepy spots.
- Here, come on. - Oh, what about the others?
This will only take a minute. You're with me. I'll protect you.
- OK. - Come.
- Are there spiders? - Only big ones.
Ohh...
- Oh... - Jeez.
Don't worry about it.
Ew.
Lester's not the best caretaker.
Ugh.
- You were right. This is really creepy. - Yeah.
The cellar basically gets used for storage. But that's not what I was talking about.
- Then what? - Here.
Come here. It's my favorite place in the house.
That son of a bitch.
What is this place?
It's a subcellar. Looks like Lester's been on a little treasure hunt.
Oh. Well, this gets the creepy prize. Let's go.
Hang on just a second.
(distant echo)
Come on. I wanna show you something.
- Creepier than this? - Hmph.
Definitely not. Come on.
Whoa! (whines)
- Come on. - Go.
So, what did you wanna show me?
- What is it? - It's an old Victorian divan.
Gramps bought it from one of the local brothels way back when.
It definitely has a very colorful history.
And?
And... seems like a good opportunity for us to keep a noble tradition alive.
Bring history to life, so to speak.
- The others are waiting for us. - (chuckles)
They can wait a little longer. Frankly, I think it's more comfortable than a staircase.
Still feeling warm?
Hot.
- You won't tell Rene, will you? - Oh.
She won't hear about it from me.
- Aw. - (laughs)
(# "Simple Way of Life" by Lilly Cushman)
- You know something? - What?
I am never gonna look at a steak the same way again.
(laughs)
(moans)
The property's about 10,000 acres. It's a good portion of the county.
You don't own any of it?
Zane's side of the family got pretty much everything.
Your great-grandfather had a rich strike. And the stories of his wife buried alive?
How do you know so much about my family?
- Um, I, uh... Zane told me. - You wouldn't be lying to me, would you?
Uh, no. Uh, no.
Hmm. Laura, where's my cousin?
He sent me back and asked Julie to help him inside.
- Help him with what? - I can't imagine.
I can.
What took so long, cow?
Trying to open doors with these hoofs takes time. Sorry.
- Where's my cousin? - He's getting wood for the fireplace.
I thought you were helping him with the wood.
I did.
Just bring the bags inside.
(Danny gasps)
- You weren't kidding. - Told you.
This place is extraordinary.
- Oh, it's beautiful. - This one of your relatives?
- Not that I'm aware of. - (Laura) Really gorgeous.
There's a strange feel to this place. Like we're being watched.
We are.
(thud)
Aah!
Fuck!
Ha-ha-ha!
Hey, you're funny. What are you, fucking ten? What are you doing here?
I wasn't sure if the generator had any gas or not, so I brought some up.
Well, thanks.
I don't want it quitting on you in the middle of the night.
- I'm sure you're right. - Sure as shit I'm right.
You ain't seen dark till you've been in the desert at night.
- There's things to be feared of in the dark. - Yeah.
How did all those holes get in the subcellar?
Gophers most likely.
I mean, I told you I believe... that there's critters living down there.
Gophers up here use shovels, huh? 'Cause I'm thinking it was a weasel.
Well, you best be careful, 'cause you never can tell which critters are real dangerous.
Thanks for the warning.
- And gas. - It's what I'm here for, college boy.
Gets mighty cold up here. Best keep that fireplace full.
I'm sure someone with a BA, MA, XYZ
can figure out how to make little logs out of big ones.
Try not to hurt yourself.
Creepy-ass fuck.
(# guitar)
- (Julie) 33. - (Rene) 34.
- (Laura) 34. - (Rene) Biceps. What is so funny?
It's not funny. In Spanish.
- Phil, can I see your computer? - Why?
- Show me your computer. - Were you looking for something?
Girls, come here.
I think you've been less than honest with me.
- Wh-wh-what do you mean, mean? - I think you're holding out on me.
These girls really wanna be in my sorority, and they will do whatever I tell them to.
So unless you start talking...
(whispering)
Um...
Hey.
- What are you doing? - Don't say anything, Phil.
You stand your ground. You show her who's boss.
How do you know so much about my family?
- Zane told me stuff... - More.
- Zane, Zane! Help, help! - I'm sorry, Phil. She never listens to me.
- Don't make this any worse for yourself. - No, but I didn't do...
- Now. - Ah! Ah! Ah!
Aah!
I checked out some stories on the Internet about your family.
- Why? - Zane asked me to find out about the gold.
- Oh, really? - Yes, yes. I'll show you.
Let him go.
- You little pussy. - Show me what you found.
I can't get online here, but this is what I downloaded.
(# guitar)
This is about your great-grandfather finding gold, then building the home.
# Let me tell you about my Grandpa Bill
# He struck it rich, never got his fill
# He built this house and raised a family
# But he hid the gold Oh, he hid it from me
This one tells about his new mail-order bride arriving from South Dakota.
It mentions the first wife' disappearance and rumors about how she...
# The woman was a peach I guess that the other had a problem
# Shows you can't fuck with 'em
# But you really can't fuck without 'em
This one describes how the house burned down and everyone except one boy died.
# You gotta get out while the getting's good
# Because it's comin', it's comin', it's comin' for you
All the male victims had severe gashes over their bodies.
- Ew. - (sneezes)
Ew!
So, somebody chopped up three of the four kids and your great-grandfather.
What happened to the wife?
# Well, she got in the bathtub, did dear Beth
# She slit her wrists and she bled to death
# Well, that's the story told across the land
# She offed herself
# But did someone give her a hand?
(strums guitar)
(chuckles)
Man, every family has its skeletons.
That one story implies that it wasn't your great-grandfather that discovered the gold.
- It was his first wife, wife. - How could she have discovered it?
I think it said that her people, her tribe, knew the land and knew about the gold,
and I guess she told him, and they say that the first wife was buried alive.
Buried alive? Buried alive!
Wait. How could anybody have possibly known that?
I mean, did she come back and tell people about it?
"Hey, I was buried alive, and I'm not that happy about it."
- I wouldn't be happy about it. - Mm-hmm.
Neither would I, Julie.
It seems like somebody's holding a pretty strong grudge against your family.
- Could be risky, being here. - Hey, man.
Every day that you live, you're at risk.
That is so fucking true.
I'm going outside, see if I can get a signal.
And maybe you'll hit a stray satellite. Good luck.
- I'd like to take a shower. - (Laura) Me too.
You girls can use the bedroom at the top of the stairs.
There's a bathroom connected. Should be towels under the sink.
- Me first. - The dog first.
- Ha-ha. - Hmm.
Pledge, serve us.
- What do you want? - Bring us all beers.
Stop.
You must serve us as if you were a robot. Go.
At least we're not being juvenile.
(ghostly echoes/chanting)
Hello?
Is somebody out there?
Hello?
No phone service. No internet, no video games.
Hate the desert! Hate the desert.
Sweet.
(# "Strange" by Poets and Pornstars)
There's a couple other places in the house I'd like to show you.
Oh, really?
Cow, go sit by Danny.
Go on. We'll talk more later.
- Why are we here? - So you can scare your wannabes.
- Are you in trouble with the dean again? - No.
It's just academic probation. I do a couple papers, retake a course or two and that's it.
- I'm back in class in a few weeks. - You are so lame.
If you just study instead of dicking around, you would have graduated a year ago.
- No, that's not true. - What? Two years?
- Year and a half. - You're just so... so...
So what? Unique? Individual? Too good for words?
Lame. The word is lame.
Cow, tell him that he's lame.
You're lame. Cute but lame.
Did I tell you to tell him that he was cute?
Did I? Go stand on your head and recite the Gettysburg Address.
Now, now, now. Don't let the power go to your head.
Julie was only being honest.
Let me give you a hand with that.
Whoa, whoa.
Four score and...
Lincoln's face...
Mount Rushmore... Sacagawea had lunch with Pilgrims.
- This is really hard. - You have no idea.
(# "Strange" continues)
Laura, are you fin...
(screaming)
I'm almost done. Gosh. Don't go mad-cow on me.
- (Danny) What's going on? What is it? - (screaming) Laura!
- (Rene) Why are you shouting? - Oh, my God. Oh!
Scary old woman... Behind her! Ax...
- (Rene) What? - Is Laura OK?
- I don't know. I just ran! - Come on, Danny.
Hurry.
- You OK? - Yeah. You could have knocked.
(Rene) Nobody tried to chop you up with an ax?
Mm, not that I noticed, no.
- No psychos? - Just Julie.
- (Rene) Julie? - I know what I saw.
Look. Up here, the light and shadows... It could play tricks on your eyes.
- I'm not crazy! - No one said you were.
- X making you see things. - No, I don't think so.
No, no? Look at Laura.
She looks OK to me.
(clears throat)
- Guys, do you mind? - Right.
Why don't we let dog here finish up her bath, and let's get something to eat.
Yeah. That's a good idea. Why don't you all follow me to the kitchen?
Hey, Julie.
You thought you saw a crazy person with an ax standing behind me?
- Yeah. - And you didn't tell me?
Really bad karma.
Go.
Close the door!
Hey, Julie. Go outside and tell Phil we're gonna eat now.
Hey, Phil? If you're hungry we're gonna eat now.
(sound of Native American chanting)
(coughing)
Dusty. Hoo.
What is this stuff?
Well, it looks like we've got some canned corn over there. Yum.
Some coffee. Boiled free-range chicken.
Is there any real food?
- What do you want? Pop-Tarts? - Mm. Good.
Mm.
I don't think there's anything in here I wanna eat.
Yeah, keep looking. You'll find something.
Ugh.
Maybe we can make some popcorn out of this.
- (rattles) - Aah!
- (screams) - What the fuck is that?
Hit it, hit it! You have to get it! Get it! Zane!
- Zane, help! - Rene? Ooh!
Do something, man.
- Something to help us, asshole! - Zane, help, help!
- Fuck! - Kill it! Kill it! Get it!
(Rene) Be careful.
Oh, fuck.
- You OK? - (Rene) Yeah, I guess so.
- You guys find some food? - Yeah, we did. And it's fresh.
- Ew! - (laughs)
- Come on. You said you were hungry. - Zane, don't.
- It's dead. - So? It's not funny.
- (rattles) - (screams)
Fuck!
...that!
- You OK? - Yeah. Are you?
Yeah.
What?
Think you should wear that more often.
Don't tell me you're getting superstitious.
Nope. Not at all.
- (hisses) - Ha ha.
(hisses)
Don't fuck around with me! Snakes aren't funny.
- (rattles) - (screams)
Ooh, Jesus.
There's nothing like a little excitement to spark up an appetite.
- So what do you guys want to eat? - Beer.
- Beer.
Strawberry daiquiri... Beer.
- Beer sounds good to me. - (Rene) Where are you going?
I'm returning them to the wild where they belong.
Be careful, OK?
I just killed two snakes. I think I can take care of myself.
I guess Phil got a signal. Who could he be talking to this long?
Maybe he's asking his dweeb friends to tape the History Channel for him.
No, he's probably calling his doctor.
"I can't take it. There's too much nature out here."
(Rene giggles)
I don't think his doctor would be in his office right now. It's late.
- (sneezes) - Oh!
(yelping)
Who cares? He's probably jerking off.
- Hey, Rene? - Hm?
Did you see these pictures?
They were stuffed under paper and junk in the cellar.
Are these your great-grandparents?
Um...
That's our great-grandfather but that's not our great-grandmother.
- That must be his first wife. - Oh, a very strong presence.
Zane, come here. Look at this.
Who is this?
Uh, that's Great-Gramps, his second wife and that's their four kids.
Look at the wife, Rene.
Wow. You look exactly like your great-grandmother.
- (Laura) You could be sisters. - Totally!
She has a much different hairstyle, though.
Look closer at the first wife. What do you see?
- She's wearing my necklace. - Now look at the second wife.
She's wearing my necklace too.
Look at the first wife - her features, her hair.
You can tell she has Native American blood in her.
That's not just a necklace. That's a totem.
Like a pole?
No. It depends on the tribe. But that design is very special. It's unique.
It's either for protection against evil spirits or safe passage to the other side.
Safe passage?
So your spirit doesn't get lost on its journey. How did you get the necklace?
Zane gave it to me.
Yeah, it was found in the wreckage of the burnt-down house.
Ended up in a safety deposit box and was there for decades.
My dad brought the box back a few years ago and I took the necklace.
- Thought Rene might like it. - I do like it.
You know, there's something else in that box.
Rene, that necklace was made by a tribal shaman for a specific individual.
How do you know all this stuff?
This is a Chinese symbol for Quan-Li,
an ancient mystical warrior who destroyed all forces of evil.
He protects those who wear his mark.
And you really believe that?
This is a Celtic druid cross.
Ancient people who knew mysteries of the universe millennia ago.
This symbol shows a connection and entreats protection from harm.
Look, Laura, they're attractive decorations but...
- They're way more than that. - Fine, but as for making a point?
Really?
My necklace!
This is creepy.
This is boring!
I'm gettin' a beer.
- So what does this all mean? - That necklace was created to protect.
If the first wife was buried alive because she couldn't be killed,
maybe the necklace was doing exactly what it was supposed to.
What's that?
This was in the box with the necklace.
It's supposed to be Great-Gramps's second wife's diary.
Looks waterlogged.
Maybe she had it in the bathtub with her at the end.
It's probably the only way it survived.
- It's impossible to read. - Go to the end.
"S-seen her again.
"I think wants necklace, revenge.
"Something gold.
Fear for all, end it all, stop this..." something.
A curse.
"...if I can."
You still think it's all a myth?
The gold, the bearing, the curse?
The second wife saw something she feared. She says so. She has the necklace.
It has to be the same one the first wife wore.
The second wife dies, the family is slaughtered, the house burns down...
That sounds like a curse.
OK, let me get this straight.
So Great-Gramps, say, whacks his first wife over the head with a shovel.
Can't kill her, though, because she's protected by her "magical" necklace.
So he buries her alive, with gold, probably in this house somewhere.
But he takes the necklace from her first.
Gives it to the second wife and the first wife comes back 16 years later for revenge?
- And to get her necklace back. - Why would she wait so long?
In certain tribes, a boy becomes a man on his twelfth birthday.
Maybe she was waiting till all the boys were men.
- Why is she back? - One boy got away.
- His blood has returned. - Are you buying this, Rene?
I always thought that you believed there was gold buried here.
An eccentric old prospector, it's one thing.
A crazy woman coming back from the dead,
killing off all connected by blood to her murderer -
oh, and retrieving her stolen "mystical" necklace -
that's something else altogether.
- So you don't believe it? - Absolutely not!
If you want to enjoy the rest of your weekend - and your life, for that matter -
you won't either.
Ohh, this is creepy!
Ohh...
Right. Back to reality and why we're here.
Laura, Julie, I want you out on the back porch now.
Hey, stick around. You might like this one.
- I like it already, whatever it is. - But first, why don't you go get Phil?
Screw that dweeb. If he's stupid enough to stay out in the cold, leave him.
Zane, don't wander off.
You might miss all the fun.
- What's up? - The Godiva Run.
I always like that sorority tradition. What are you making 'em do?
- Jog to Lester's, bring something back. - Mm-hm-hm.
Naked, creepy and dangerous. What every good initiation should be.
- Let's go. - All right.
OK, ladies, you have a task, a very simple one.
Jog to Lester's and bring something back proving you were there.
- That's it? - What's the catch?
- No catch. - Oh. Well, that sounds easy enough.
- (Laura) Too easy. - That's it.
Oh, did I mention you can only wear one item of clothing?
- No. - You missed that.
Silly me. Yes, you may only wear one item of basic clothing on your run. Choose.
My jacket.
Sorry, Jules. That falls under the category of overclothes.
- Choose now or you get nothing. - Jeans.
- Boots. - OK. Laura first.
Stay on the road, watch out for coyotes and wave to Phil on your way by. Go on.
Whoo! (claps) Speed it up a little bit!
You alive in there, Phil?
I think we gonna go ahead inside.
- Got that right. - Yeah.
- Rene. - I'll wait out here.
I'm with you guys.
(Rene) I see a wabbit!
Made it back all in one piece. Good.
And with a stuffed bunny. Excellent work. How do you feel?
- Cold. - No shock there.
Get in by the fire and send Julie out.
Ho-ho, here she is! (clapping)
- You did very good. - Your turn.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
- Are you ready to perform for Omega Tau? - I guess so.
- Want to reconsider your clothing choice? - No, let's just do it.
OK. Remember to bring something back. Whenever you're ready.
- Oh, and, uh, watch out for scorpions. - Ew.
(Rene) Come on. Speed it up a little bit!
Julie, you're killing me. Come on!
Dumb sorority. You keep your eyes closed in there, Phil.
Oh, ow!
Ooh! Bullshit sorority.
Who even gives a shit?
Fuck! God, it's cold out here.
Ohh.
Shit.
(muttering)
Ow, shit! Ugh!
Oh, fuck.
Ugh! Ow!
Shit. Ow.
Ow. Fuck!
Shit.
- Aah! Oh, Zane? - What happened?
Oh, I twisted my ankle on a rock.
- Can you stand on it? - Fuck, it really hurts.
- Put this on. - Oh, fuck.
- We'll get you fixed up. - Thank you.
- Come on. - Oh!
What happened?
This terrain is too rough for bare feet. I'm sure you're aware of that, Rene.
I sprained my ankle.
I'm so sorry about that. What did you bring back?
- I didn't reach Lester's. - I see.
- Come on, cut her some slack. - We'll discuss it later.
- Help her inside. - Here, put...
Ow.
(metal clinks)
- (# rock) - Oh!
# I'm gonna crawl all over you
# You're gonna crawl all over me, you said... -
I'd like to congratulate those seeking membership into Omega Tau.
- Their initiation is almost complete. - There's more?
- For some. - I think they deserve some champagne.
- A little bit of bubbly. - Hm.
To nearing membership into Omega Tau
and to pushing yourself to the limits of physical endurance.
And with due respect and immense admiration,
to four of the stiffest nipples that I have ever seen.
- To Julie and Laura. - Julie and Laura.
Hey, Rene, did you have to jog naked when you joined?
Yep. You guys had it easy.
I had to run down campus - Fraternity Row, three blocks.
- What did you wear? - A ski mask.
(coyote howling)
(# "Simple Survival" by Mushroomhead)
(Julie moans)
(Julie giggles) Ahh... That feels so good.
Zane, why don't you go check on your friend Phil?
I'm giving some physical therapy here.
Which is sorely needed, thanks to you.
A sprained hoof can't be ignored.
- Oh, that feels so good. - Mmm.
You know, my ankle feels better, but my calves are a little sore.
Could you rub a little higher?
I think I can do that.
Oh, God...
You know, Phil's probably afraid to come back in
just 'cause Danny's been raggin' on him the whole trip.
- Everyone has. - Still.
It might be nice if you asked him to come back inside.
Danny is busy. And you invited Phil, remember?
Stalemate.
What?
Julie, didn't you ever play chess?
Never mind.
This little piggy went to the market.
And this little piggy went home.
This little piggy got roast beef.
But this little piggy got none.
And this little piggy?
He went "whee-whee-whee-whee-whee"
all the way home.
- What is it?! - What's wrong?
- There was a face in that window. - Now you see it too.
- It was horrible. - There's nothing there now.
- You think it was Phil? - No, I can see him. He's still in the car.
I don't know, maybe somebody should go check it out.
Well, I guess that means me.
- (Rene) Laura... - I swear.
There's nobody there.
Oh, shit!
Zane, come here. Everybody come in here right now!
Somebody tried to take my head off with an ax.
- What? - Out back. I'll show you.
Come on.
I hear a noise, I come out to look, it comes flying out of the dark.
It stuck in this pillar.
I swear it happened. Look, this is where the blade stuck in. This is fresh.
- You gotta believe me. - We believe you. Let's just get back inside.
Let's go. Come on.
Somebody is screwing with our heads, Zane!
Maybe this curse thing is more real than we think, like Laura said.
- (knock on glass) - What the fuck is going on?
- Come on, Danny. - Stay right there.
- (yells) - (all scream)
- Fuck! - Oh, my God!
(laughing)
Oh, my...
(continues laughing)
Some things never get old.
- Hey, you gonna cook me dinner? - Yeah, right.
You asshole. If this was a gun, you'd be dead.
Don't worry about it.
What the hell are you doing here?
Well, I'm running a little low on supplies so I come up to get me some grub.
- Just a little midnight snack is all. - Fuckin' asshole.
You're nothing but a crazy, goddamn fuckin' pervert!
You don't even want to think about trash-talking Lester, all right?
Have you been around the house all night?
I have. I had an eye out, you might say.
Did you throw that ax at Danny?
I did. Sure enough.
Hey, I warned ya. I said, "Don't go outside."
There's dangers out there you can't imagine.
- (Danny whispers) Cocksucker. - I heard you, boy, OK?
Now, you listen here, son.
You say one more thing to me that I don't like, you in for a world of hurt.
Hey, look. All right, you came to get food. Just get it and then get out.
- But I got me another question. - What?
I was wondering.
You gonna be having any more of them scavenger hunts you were having before?
You saw us?
Sugar.
You runnin' bare-ass in the great outdoors for the whole world to see -
a person with eyes is gonna see.
No, wait, it wasn't you. You wasn't bare-ass at all, were you? Too bad.
It was you, wasn't it?
You know, you might have said something.
What, go and ruin the best show I've seen in the great wide-open plains?
Why in the world would I do that?
Lester ain't got no cape.
There's no more running, no more shows, no more nothin' tonight.
Just get your food and get back to your trailer.
Who you think you're barking orders at, huh? Huh?
You ain't gonna tell me what to do.
You know, Lester.
I think your days on this ranch are coming to an end.
Yeah? I think the day that you and me go toe-to-toe is just about here.
Get your food and get out.
- (yells) - Stop!
- (laughs) - You're sick.
You little dipshits.
They jumped a mile when they saw Lester. (laughs)
Ain't but a few with the iron will and sense of humor of a Lester.
One thing's for damn sure -
your best learning sure as shit don't come out of books!
And we'll just see...
whose time is almost up on this ranch, you little gopher shit!
Mm.
Something I ain't found yet...
and I ain't leavin' without it.
So...
the sooner you all leave, the sooner I can get back to lookin'.
And then we'll all be happy.
Someone screwin' with Lester,
you're gonna get screwed back real hard.
(blade whooshes)
So, Lester has been having some fun at our expense.
(Danny) Asshole.
Yeah, well, it's over now.
But... just to be sure, why don't we all stay here?
It's the warmest place in the house anyway.
Danny, we'll need some more wood for this fire.
I'll stir this up and get it ready. Girls, go round up some pillows and blankets.
Hey, how long you been off your meds?
(clears throat) About ten days now.
Yeah, why?
Felt like something momentous was about to happen and I wanted to be ready.
Momentous? Like getting kicked out of school again?
I'm not kicked out!
Are you seeing any cause and effect here? Because it's about to slap you in the face.
I mean, come on. You take your pills and you do all right. You squeeze by.
You go off your pills and you get kicked out.
Maybe it had nothing to do with school.
Yeah? Then what?
Maybe it was family business.
Do you know something you haven't told me?
- Do you? - You lied to me.
Look, I'm sorry about that. I didn't think you'd understand.
Me? Come on, Zane. I wouldn't?
Look, I know. I just...
- I don't know. - What?
I've been seeing things, having visions.
Yeah? I wonder why.
Jesus, Zane. You're taking X and who knows what else,
on top of not taking what you should be?
I mean, wh...
You know what? I want you to take your pills right now... in front of me.
Come on, please?
I don't know if it's taking the pills or not taking them that lets me see reality.
Take them... for me.
You are a real problem child, you know that?
Can't help it. Runs in the family.
Phil?
Dude, what the fuck? What the hell were you doing in the car this whole time?
Hello?
Great weekend. Fucking snakes, psychos and dweebs.
Yo, Phil, I'm talking to you, talking to you.
Holy fuckin' shit!
- (Laura) She's such a bitch. - (Julie) She's nice to you.
- 'Cause I do what she says. - No, 'cause you're a fuckin' bitch.
- At least I'm not a stupid cow. - At least I'm not a fucking dog.
- Girls. - Hi, Rene.
Hi, Rene.
Since the weird stuff has been explained, let's get back to the real reason we're here.
- Torturing us? - Precisely.
Julie, stand over there. Laura, you can sit down.
Zane, come here.
Hm? Mm!
Rene, not in front of the children.
Omega Tau women must be strong, intuitive and trusting.
So we're gonna form a little trust exercise.
- Julie, strip. - What, again?
Come on, you get to keep your bra and panties on this time. Lose the rest. Let's go!
Why doesn't Laura have to?
Because Laura accomplished her last task and you didn't.
How exactly does this build trust?
You have to trust me. Trust that I am looking out for you and your well-being,
even if at times it may seem like I'm not.
- Are you ready? - I guess so.
Oh, I almost forgot.
- (humming) - (sighs)
Now, whatever happens, whatever you hear or feel, do not move.
- Do you need me or any more clothing? - No.
- All right, I'll be back. - Where you goin'? Look for gold?
(whooshes)
- Don't move! - Sorry.
And don't speak.
Don't move!
- (snaps) - (yelps)
- Don't you trust me, Julie? - Yes.
Are you absolutely sure? Because I'm really not getting the feeling that you do.
- No, I do, honestly. (clears throat) - Good.
- (hisses) - Oh, my God! It's a snake!
- I am deeply disappointed, Julie. - Argh, I'm sorry!
Deeply.
To think that you believe that I would put you at risk... It hurts.
No, I trust you. I really do, honestly. I'm-I'm ready now. I really am.
- You ready for the worst? - Yes.
- Could be pretty bad. - Bring it on.
Hm. Well, if you think you're ready...
Remember, this is your last chance.
Don't move.
- Think we should go back? - No, let her sweat a little longer.
Oh, but she tries.
She better do more than try, because if she doesn't pass this test...
- Ooh, it gets worse? Hm. - Worse than she could possibly imagine.
Watch. Hey, Julie!
Since you're ready for the worst, here it comes.
You son of a bitch!
(yells)
What the?
Ugh, what now?
Zane?
Zane, come on, what's with the lights?
- Let's get a flashlight. - Right.
Zane?
Hey, what happened?
The generators probably ran out of gas. I'll fill them.
And find Danny. Usually it doesn't take him this long to get wood.
Hey, there are more flashlights under the kitchen sink.
Yeah, yeah, we're goin'.
(gasping)
(generators chugging)
Wha? What the fuck?
Danny?
God!
Lester, you fuckin' psychopath!
- Why are you yelling? - We have to get out.
- Why? - We have to get out of here!
Just don't... Just get inside!
- Danny? - Come on.
- (shrieking) Danny, no! - (Zane) Laura...
- (Laura) Rene, no! - (Zane) Take her inside.
- Danny! Stop it! - Help me get her inside. Come on.
- (yelling) - Get out of here!
- Danny, no! - Shut up for a second and listen to me.
Lester went postal. He could be anywhere. We're getting out of here.
Let's get Julie and go!
(Julie yells) Zane!
Zane, help.
Julie?
You crazy fucking psycho. What did you do?
What blood demanded...
(Rene) Zane!
Zane, where? (screams)
(all yell)
- Zane, we have to go! - Come on, get the fuck out.
Zane, come on.
- (Rene) Julie! - (Zane) Where is she?
Julie, come on, stop playing around.
Come on, come on, get out.
Oh, come on. Julie!
(both screaming)
Don't look. Just get in the car!
Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Come on, Zane. What? - What?! What?
You've got to be kidding me. There's no power. Just stay here.
(Rene whimpering)
Come on.
(Laura) Zane, what? What's going on?
- Damn it. - Now what?
Cables were cut. This car isn't going anywhere.
What are we supposed to do?
Lester has a truck. Lester has a truck. I saw it in his yard!
He's inside. Maybe he's got his keys on him.
- Now, where the hell is Julie? - Let's go. Let's go!
- Julie? - Julie, where are you?
Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on.
Julie? Julie?
- Come on. - Hold this.
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Zane, come on. Zane, hurry up! Come on!
- Did you see her? - See who?
- The fuckin' old woman. - Zane, hurry up!
- Go, come on! - Come on, get the keys.
Get out, get out, get out.
- (Rene) Julie? - (Zane) Julie?
- (Laura) Julie? - (Rene) Julie?
- Julie, come on. - Julie!
- (choking) - Oh, my God.
(screams, sobs)
- Do you see her? - Yes.
Run. Go get Lester's truck and come back for us. Just go!
Aah!
(yells)
Fuck.
Oh, fuck!
Fuck!
Rene?
Come on, Rene, wake up.
What the fuck do you want from us?!
This is Great-Gramps' fault. Not mine, not Rene's!
We didn't do anything to you!
(coughs)
Rene!
It's gonna be OK.
(sobbing) Oh, my God!
Come on. Fuck! Come on.
(engine not turning over)
Please, please, please...
(engine not turning over)
Please!
Please. Come on, please.
(engine sputtering)
(screams)
Zane. Zane. Zane!
Zane, Rene, come on. Come on!
(screams)
(whispering indistinctly)
Zane. Zane?
Zane, wake up.
Zane, where are we? (coughs)
- What happened? - Zane, where are we?
Oh!
(screams)
(shrieking)
- We've done nothing to you! - I'm not gonna die!
- Help! - Help!
(Rene) We can hide everything! Just let us go!
(Zane) We never did anything to you!
- (Rene shrieks) - (Zane) No!
(Rene sobs)
(both continue yelling)
(yelling fades out)
(# rock)
# Hey, yeah
# Hey, yeah, ah-ah
# Hey, yeah
# Hey, yeah, ah-ah
# Yeah, they buried me on Sunday
# But I sleepwalked on Monday
# And I shrieked at my old face
# Guess God forgot this place
# And I thought I saw the future
# But there's nothing left to see
# It's like something's been erased
# Guess God forgot this place
# And they chased me down looking for a change
# And once they saw me we were all the same
# I looked at you, you looked at me
# And for a second we were one, not two or three
# And they chased me down looking for a change
# And once they saw me we were all the same
# I looked at you, you looked at me
# For a second we were one, not two or three
# Hey, yeah I said, hey, yeah
# Hey, yeah Wha-oh, wha-oh
# I'm back now
# Hey, yeah I said hey, yeah
# Hey, yeah Wha-oh, wha-oh
# I'm back
# Well, I used to be a teacher
# Now the kids just scream in fear
# And I know it's supposed to hurt
# But I can't shed a tear
# And I used to own a little dog
# Oh, I'd walk him every day
# But now he's walking me
# Won't let me get away
# And they chased me down looking for a change
# And once they saw me we were all the same
# I looked at you, you looked at me
# And for a second we were one, not two or three
# And they chased me down looking for a change
# And once they saw me we were all the same
# I looked inside and it hurts to see
# We were one
# Then we were three
# Yeah
# They buried me on Sunday
# But I sleepwalked on Monday
# And I shrieked at my old face
# Guess God forgot this place
(continues singing indistinctly)
# You hope and pray but it never will appease God
# I looked at you and they all looked the same
# Got a body but I don't have a name
# Said hey, yeah
# Ah-ah
# Hey, yeah I said, hey, yeah
# Hey, yeah Wha-oh, wha-oh
# I'm back now
# Hey, yeah I said hey, yeah
# Hey, yeah Wha-oh, wha-oh
# I'm back
# Yeah, they buried me on Sunday
# But I sleepwalked on Monday
# I shrieked at my old face
# Guess God forgot this place I'm back now
# I thought I saw the future
# But there's nothing left to see
# Seems something's been erased
edited by danissimo