What do you know... He finally made it.
He was pretty far away when it happened.
- Europe or some place like that. - That's his story.
We'd better go down and say hello.
- Not me. - He is our father.
I'll never say hello to him. Goodbye, maybe.
Mother would have wanted us to.
We don't have no mother. She's dead.
- Shut up. You give me the creeps. - My mother is dead!
Let's go down. We'll leave little Frankenstein here.
- She is, too. - Shut up.
Be quiet.
I hate everybody. I hate everybody in the whole wide world.
I bought it from a short fellow in Munich.
Wait, Aunt Carolyn.
Come on, jump.
He is supposed to jump. Come on, jump.
All right, Tom. Mother and I must be getting home.
Many arrangements have to be made.
- The children have enough toys. - I bought this one for me.
Alice didn't bother to have the car insured before that terrible accident.
She was as haphazard about that
as she was about choosing her husband.
Don't worry. I will take on the additional financial burden.
If you don't mind, I prefer to worry.
As long as you're in my house, you're going to have some manners.
- Hello, Robert, old man. - I'm not an old man.
He's getting there. That's a darling thing.
Is that how it works?
You're from another planet.
Thank you. I think that's a compliment.
I was just about to do that. All you had to do was pull the switch...
The children seem to be happy with our side of the family.
The divorce wasn't final, but we're both lawyers
and there shouldn't be any difficulty making the custody permanent.
- Carolyn, where is your husband? - John is out, Father.
When is he ever in? Both of my daughters made the wisest choices.
Tom, Mother and I will take Elizabeth to live with us.
And Carolyn and her husband will take the boys.
It will be wonderful for the boys.
I'll move the guesthouse and put in a swimming-pool.
They have been helping plan it.
- Is that OK with you? - Sure. It's a real blast here.
We've got a tennis court, horses, the river, everything.
I'll be living right down the road. I can come over any time.
- How about you? - I don't care where I live.
Well, it happens that I care. I don't want my kids parcelled out like cabbages.
They don't parcel out cabbages, they are sold in carload lots.
Since when are you interested in your children?
How long were you and Alice separated? Three years? Four?
When did you see your children? Occasionally on a weekend?
You know my job with the government...
Your job is more important than your children?
You may sign the custody agreement in my office in the morning.
Elizabeth, it's getting late. All your things are in the car.
We'd better go home now.
OK, Gramps. See you in the morning.
I'll come over lots of times. It will be all right.
- Bye bye, sweetie. - See you tomorrow, Aunt Carolyn.
Goodbye.
No, he is your father. Why don't you give him a kiss?
- Sure. - No, wait.
Get your things from that Black Maria and put them in the jeep.
And you two, get your clothes,
you are coming to Washington with me.
We'll stay with Aunt Carolyn. She's got horses and everything.
- Can he do that? - You bet I can.
You won't miss them. I'll send a carload of cabbages.
Remember, you're still under my jurisdiction, the three of you.
Get your things together. I'll wait for you outside. Carolyn, I...
- What should we do? - What can we do?
He's got the law on his side. We have to go with him.
- He ain't gonna like it. - Nope.
Tom... Where are you going to put the children?
I still have my flat in Washington. It's a little small, but...
We don't have to get rid of the guesthouse,
if you all wanted to stay here.
How are you and John getting along these days?
It's one of those modern marriages.
Electric blankets and everything.
Sorry.
That's Robert's harmonica.
You'll get to know it well. It's recent.
David is becoming a problem too. He's been taking things.
- What? - Elizabeth can't sleep nights.
How will you learn how to be a father after all these years?
I'll get a booklet from the Department of Agriculture.
Congratulations, Mother Goose. I'm very proud of you.
- Good luck, Tom. - Thank you, Carolyn.
- Home, sweet home. - Oh, brother: Sing Sing!
You said you only needed my jeep for a couple of hours.
A few problems came up.
Robert, Elizabeth and David, this is Captain Alan Wilson.
- They are going to live with me. - In that rabbit hutch upstairs?
Could you and your wife help me get a maid?
A maid? In Washington?
The only way you get help here is to elect them.
You better get them inside, it's starting to rain.
Hope it clears up. I'll show them all of Washington tomorrow.
You kids will have quite a holiday.
Holiday? It will be more of a kidnapping. Come on.
- What's the matter? - I'm afraid.
What are you afraid of?
Listen to what's going on out there and I'm alone in that room.
You're lucky. Look at us in this barracks.
- But you're together. - Only in body.
Come on, back to bed.
Lie down.
Come on, darling.
Take it easy. Remember what I used to tell you?
Thunder is just two bodies of air coming together
after an electrical disturbance.
- Got it? - Got it.
- But I'm still worried. - So am I.
What in the blazes is that?
Ain't that wonderful!
Let's enjoy the day.
That's the Washington Monument. That's 555 feet high.
It's dedicated to the memory of George Washington.
He died December 14th, 1799.
Over there is the memorial to Thomas Jefferson,
the third President of the United States.
He died on July 4th...
That's one of the most striking examples of...
Robert, you ought to pay attention.
You're getting a sightseeing tour
of one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
Do you have to talk about dead people all the time?
There's nothing in this whole city but dead people.
I want to go back to Aunt Carolyn.
All right, no more monuments.
Tonight we'll go to the Watergate Concert by the river.
This afternoon I'll take you to the National Museum.
- What's in a museum? - Dead people.
- Come on. - Where are you going to drag us now?
- How about some ice-cream? - Good idea.
Don't tell me I had a good idea, at last.
Is my mother in a museum?
- No. - Good.
- I got that seat. - No, it's mine!
Cut it out. Come on.
Give me that thing.
Robert Winters. Your father is looking for you.
Come to the parking area.
Robert Winters. Come to the parking area immediately.
What a delightful concert.
You are so kind. Have you met my daughter?
- How do you do? - Delighted.
You must be having have the time of your life. All America at your feet.
- At my father's feet. - It's the same thing.
- I'd like to talk to you, Signor Zaccardi. - By all means. Come here.
It's all settled. Your father has agreed.
You'll all come to my place for a cosy supper.
About 40 or 50 of the best people.
Will you excuse me? I've got a terrible headache.
She hasn't been feeling well.
- Cinzia. - Yes, I do not have a headache.
Do you know who this woman is? The Boston Symphony.
"We'll have a cosy supper. 40 or 50 of the best people."
I'm tired of the best people.
I wish I could meet some of the worst people.
Papa, one night. Let me have tonight alone.
I don't want to leave America without having met an American.
What do you do with a girl like this? I'm not a rich man.
Best schools in Switzerland for her.
Last month she climbs out of a window and runs away.
One night without talking about Stravinsky or Rossini
or you conducting La Scala at the age of 14.
I'm 22 and I haven't yet given my first performance for a man, any man.
Go ahead. Have a daughter. See what happens.
You will come to the supper with us. Do you understand?
You haven't eaten all day.
Without food, everything is discord.
A starving orchestra I had tonight.
Wash your face. Compose yourself. We will wait.
Wait.
Is this your boat?
No. I will pay you... As soon as I get some money.
You don't have to, it's not my boat either.
- Where are you going? - Over there. Where the music is.
Good. That's where I'm going too.
Why don't you go home, little boy? It's late.
Ciao, ciao. Go home.
Hot pizza, here. We've got hot pizza here, 25 cents.
We've got hot pizza here.
My friend... Would you like me to show you
how to eat that properly? So you don't waste any.
You see?
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
Three rings for one dime. Step this way, folks.
Everybody gets a winner. Look at those prizes.
Fantastic prizes. Three rings for one dime.
Everybody wins here, folks. Three rings here.
Look at the fantastic prizes. Come right here.
Three rings for one dime. Fantastic prizes.
Everybody has a winner. You muffed it, son.
Everybody has got a winner here.
My last dime.
Everybody's got a winner, everybody.
Except me, I never win anything.
Your lucky dime, son. Everybody's got a winner.
Three for one dime here, folks. Look at the fantastic prizes.
It can't go half way, it's gotta go all the way down.
You can take three.
He won, he won!
Your father, the Chief of Police, will be so happy.
Congratulations, lady. Everybody wins here!
Good night. Goodbye.
Don't you want to hear me play the harmonica?
Why don't you go home? It's late.
Go home to your mother.
Would you like to dance?
My friend.
Are you sure? No sign of him yet?
He's been murdered.
Yes, he's about four feet. Oh, "eyes"?
- Grey. - Blue.
Blue.
You can reach me at the Department of State.
Legal Division. Thank you.
- Robert, where have you been? - You've found him.
- Are there any broken bones? - No, he's all right.
- Let me have him. - She promised to put me to bed.
- Her name is Cinzia, she's my friend. - Hello.
I tried to find out your address, but he didn't wish to come home.
You must have done something terrible to him.
Yes, I took him to a concert.
- Let her carry me. I like it. - The bedroom is over there.
- Did you have fun? - It was a ball.
If you try that again, you'll get a spanking you'll never forget.
Yes, a spanking solves so many things.
Or a slap in the face. It's easier than understanding.
Two points for her. Welcome to our side, Cinzia.
Could you come back tomorrow and take care of us?
We can't get a maid. It's rough.
I would like to very much, but I'm preoccupied.
- That is the right word? - Yes, that will do.
I'd like to thank you properly
but may I have my family back for a few minutes first?
Can you wait for me in the other room?
- Arrivederci, Roberto. - Roberto is me, it's Italian.
- Really? - Good night.
Good night. Thank you for the dance.
Any time.
Here are your pyjamas.
We'd better let Robert sleep in the bed
since he's been out on the town all night.
I won it fair and square, ask my friend.
You're not on trial.
- Daddy... - Take off your pants.
- What were you saying? - Make her be our maid.
Offer her a lot of money. It would be fun.
- We'll talk about it tomorrow. - That's the last we'll hear of that.
I hire the help around here. I can't take any girl you find on the street.
- You don't like her because I like her. - That's ridiculous.
You keep us here in this city
and don't let us go back to Aunt Carolyn because we like her, too.
- That isn't the reason. - Well, what is?
Go to sleep.
You don't like us. You don't like us at all.
Well, I don't like you. I don't like anybody.
I don't like this old harmonica any more.
I wish it hit you and killed you dead.
Don't you care, Robert. I like you.
Thank you so much. I'm sincerely grateful.
Here.
All right, here's five more.
- Apparently, gratitude has gone up. - But I don't want this money.
Would you mind answering me a personal question?
How long is it since you had a bath?
- Cosa? - A bath.
You look as if you need a good scrubbing. How long has it been?
Well... I don't remember.
A bottle of Chianti, a loaf of bread.
A corner in which to sleep. It's not a bad life, is it?
How would you like a job as a maid to the children?
For $100 a month to start?
That's nonsense. Thank you again and good night.
Good night.
Be nice to Roberto. Please don't spank him.
I'll handle my own family. I've done all right so far.
- Why did he run away? - Must there be a reason?
- Always. Where is their mother? - What?
- Their mother. - You are looking at her.
- I'm a little new at the job. - I'm sorry.
Roberto tells me he is very unhappy.
Sounds as if Roberto and you had quite an evening.
He doesn't like the hot city. He wants to be near the river.
Why do you let him stay here in this tiny box?
You must have had a lot of experience raising children.
I have no experience. But I know when a little child is unhappy.
And how I know when a father is unreasonable!
Try to be a parent, not a policeman.
I don't know what you know about parents,
but I imagine you had a wide acquaintance amongst policemen.
I'll call one if you keep that up. I gave you some money,
get yourself a room for tonight.
Do you like this? This picture?
Of course. That's why I have it.
- It's a Cézanne. - I know. Paul Cézanne.
You cut it down to fit the frame, right?
How sad for you. It's only a print.
Buy a real one. Ciao.
Two o'clock in the morning.
You've found a man, am I right?
Yes, I've found a man. He's seven years old.
In America that's old enough.
Get some rest. We leave in the morning for Chicago,
where I won't let you out of my sight.
Only two days in this country.
You will come with us to Chicago, Boston, San Francisco.
Then we come back to Washington. Come.
What can you do in this awful city by yourself?
A girl, all alone. No money.
Not a penny will I give you. You will starve.
- Perhaps I will get a job. - A job?
I have given you the finest education in all of Europe.
You do not know how to do anything.
Then perhaps I will run for the Congress.
Hello? Who?
Tom.
The what?
The guesthouse?
Yes, they started moving it to the new lot today. Why?
Don't be silly, I won't sell it to you. You can have it.
If you insist... A thousand.
You drive a hard bargain.
Who finally convinced you the city was no place for children?
It was my own idea.
Why did you wait until they were asleep to call me?
Dear Carolyn, you are all-knowing, all-seeing and shut up.
It will be in the new foundation first thing in the morning.
Good night.
- I don't want to go. - Who wanted to live in the country?
I have to spend the whole summer commuting.
I've been on a used-car lot all morning, picking out a reasonably priced car.
- Where's my friend Cinzia? - I tried to hire her.
- I offered her a lot of money. - You don't like her.
I'd have given her my right arm if she'd taken the job.
- I've got a nosebleed. - If she's not coming, I'm not going!
- The cops are ticketing your car. - And the building's on fire.
- Hello. - Well, hello.
I knew you would come back. You are going to be our maid.
- Wait a minute. - If you still want me, yes.
He was going to give his right arm, weren't you?
You told me you didn't want the job.
It doesn't look as if she needs one. Where did you get those clothes?
- My father. - You can help me pack.
I don't know anything about you. You are from Italy, aren't you?
- Si. - That means "yes".
- Are you a G.I. Bride or something? - Yes, almost.
- Almost? What does that mean? - I arrived.
He didn't marry me. So I must work.
That's a sad story. But I don't think this is the job for you.
- Besides, we're going to the country. - I adore the country.
- What's wrong? - Nosebleed.
- Get me a damp cloth and hurry. - That settles it. She stays.
She can't stay with us. That guesthouse is too small.
Try to look at it from my viewpoint. Perhaps you'd better not.
- How are you? - That's fine. It's stopped.
- I was just about to do that. - We'll go and wash your face.
Come on, David, we'll help.
You wouldn't believe it.
Hello, Alan.
Any luck trying to sublet this apartment?
We lined up a few prospects, but they say the rent is too high.
- OK, I'll knock off $25 a month. - The wife and I will take it.
I can't tell you what a help you are.
Let's get the luggage out. I'm so sorry.
We've taken a vote and it's unanimous. Cinzia stays.
You can vote too, but you'll lose. Three to one.
- We've figured it out. - Thank you.
- Who's she? - Apparently she's the maid.
- Three to one. - Upstairs or downstairs maid?
What difference does that make?
I don't want you wearing yourself out.
- Alan, I'm getting her for my children. - Adopt me.
Well, we're almost at our new house.
I think it's going to be wonderful. Don't you?
Just put down a new foundation this morning.
You remember the guesthouse, colonial style, green shutters.
Isn't that the house we're trying to pass?
What?
- Isn't that the house we're trying to pass? - It's supposed to be on the lot.
Should I knock on the door and ask what happened?
Hold it!
Wait!
Stay there.
This house should have been set up this morning.
Are you Mr Winters? I'm Angelo. How do you do?
- About this house... - I could throw the bull all day...
But I'm straight from the shoulder. Do you appreciate that kind of talk?
- From the bottom of my heart. - I got drunk.
I've three children on my hands. What am I to do?
What a party. You should have been there.
If this house is not up by nightfall,
I'll sue you for every penny you have.
Two of them were redheads.
I feel a little unbalanced myself.
If this is the usual way...
Now look what you've done. You can't even drive.
You've smashed in the whole side of the car.
- Where are you going? - Welcome to historic Virginia. My card.
If you ever want anything moved, call on Angelo.
Angelo, I hear a train coming. The house is on the tracks.
Angelo, the house!
Cinzia, can't you hear the train coming?
How can a man be that stupid?
- Dad, there's a train coming. - How nice.
Look at that oil. I bet the transmission is damaged.
- Dad, the train. - You go and watch it.
The crankcase is probably cracked too.
- Dad, look. The train. - All right. Go and wave at the engineer.
Why didn't you tell me the train was coming?
Choke it! Is the ignition on?
Is your foot on the clutch?
I've started lots of cars.
Which was my room?
You'll love it. Wait till you see it.
It's secluded. I only use it on weekends.
We can stay there until the car is fixed.
Here we are.
- Where? - The river.
Did you ever see anything so beautiful?
Never. Are you out of your mind?
Try it for one night. You better, I think it's going to rain.
If you like it, I'll make you a good deal.
I figure I owe it to you.
Perhaps there is a nice, comfortable hotel.
If you're willing to pay for putting up a nice comfortable family of five.
Or you could sell an old Cézanne you may have hanging around.
Let me show it to you. What can you lose?
- It's the best location around. - I think that's poison ivy.
Down there is my old man's grocery store, and across the river is the country club.
There's a better class of people at the grocery store, but that's up to you.
I'm not going across that shaky thing.
It's as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar.
It's not so bad after closing your eyes.
Roberto, don't you dare!
Come on, what are you worried about?
- Come on. - Don't be afraid.
- It's as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar. - Come on. Hurry up.
Perhaps there is a nice, comfortable hotel.
This place has everything.
It's got a generator and batteries for electricity.
You've got a gas-stove for cooking. An ice-box.
A linoleum cupboard sink. You'll love it here, it's a palace.
There isn't another place like this around.
- That's a neat knife. - What are you doing?
- It's neater this way. - Like a palace.
Shall I show you where the water is coming in?
Let me show you how beautiful it is outside.
I'm just trying to show you the place.
You have three bedrooms down here,
the master bedroom is upstairs and here comes the...
- Watch that beam. - Thank you, I will.
Let's go outside. I want to show you around.
We've got a freshwater tank on the top deck for showers... everything.
There's real live spiders up here.
Save them, we may need them for dinner.
Mrs McGillicuddy, the lady who owns the farmhouse around the bend,
she supplies the water from her well.
- What did you say her name was? - Mrs McGillicuddy.
We have an arrangement.
I blow the horn...
She turns on the tap, right away, running water.
She's a little hard-of-hearing.
We can stay at Aunt Carolyn's tonight and go back to the city tomorrow.
I have sublet the apartment.
I doubt if there's another vacant apartment in the whole of Washington DC.
Then we'll just stay at Aunt Carolyn's forever.
How about it?
Angelo, we are going to stay here for the night.
It can be fixed up. It's a wonderful place for kids.
And not so bad for spiders.
I'll go fix the gangplank and bring your stuff in.
Keep your motor running, I'll be around.
- What does he mean? - Let's get off this junk heap.
After Cinzia does a little cleaning
and polishing it might be quite comfortable.
Who, I? It will take years.
- I bet the roof leaks. - Let's make the best of things.
Let's play a game while we wait for Angelo.
- I don't know any game. - We used to play a game.
"Who sir, me sir?" Sure you remember that.
- What was I? - You were Red cap.
He was Black cap. You were Gold cap. Let's play.
- Black cap! - Who sir, me sir?
- Who then sir, say Boxer. - Boxer.
Who sir, me sir?
Thank you, Mrs McGillicuddy.
Did you fix the generator?
There's nothing wrong with kerosene lamps.
They are rather quaint.
- You can't see so good with them. - Of course you can.
- I warned you. - You should be in bed.
Come and see what Cinzia invented for us.
When the fish comes, the bell rings and announces his arrival.
Very nice.
Do you think if you'll attach one end to a dust rag,
the fish might dust for you? You hardly got started tonight.
They gave Hercules much more time to clean Augean stables.
Every employer is different.
Get to bed and get started early in the morning.
Here's the knife, David.
Where did you get that knife?
It was on the ground, near the truck.
That fellow who drove it must have dropped it.
Why didn't you tell him?
I needed a knife.
I beg your pardon.
It wasn't on the ground, was it?
- Give it to me. - I didn't steal it, I swear on the Bible.
I'm really ashamed of you.
I know. I can't start a car either.
You go to sleep. I'll wake you if a fish comes.
You won't need to. I won't be asleep.
- Then you wake me. - Sure.
- Are you all right? - Fine.
I've read this communiqué.
It's your schedule. Quite simple.
7:15 am, wake the children. 7:25 am clean sink, pantry and ice-box.
7:45 am, prepare breakfast. What's wrong about that?
It's no use. I'm leaving in the morning.
Will you explain to the children, please?
Explain? There's no way I can explain.
They will be certain I've thrown you out.
I cannot stay. I simply cannot stay here.
I'm sorry. Would you like some, too?
Yes, I would like some. Especially if it will help break down
the social barriers between capital and labour.
In this case, I'm not sure who is who.
You're hardly my idea of the faithful family retainer,
but you've got to stay. They want you.
I've lost touch.
It's too bad. We used to be such friends.
Never mind.
It will probably take an act of Congress
to get me back into this family.
They do like you. You will see.
I was never cut out for it.
I'm one of the undomesticated animals.
But when they lost their mother,
I thought it might be best to come home and try to make it up to them.
It never occurred to me they wouldn't want to have me around.
Isn't that curious?
Every other place I go, grown-ups seem to want me.
In certain circles I'm considered quite charming and debonair.
But children can look through me as if there were nothing there.
Well, maybe there isn't.
Maybe their mother found that out a long time ago.
They say the fishing is good after a thunderstorm.
- Good night. - Good night.
7:15, I'll wake the children.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Ciao. - Ciao.
Cinzia, I'm afraid, I'm afraid.
- So am I. - Don't you like thunder either?
No, I'm frightened every time.
In the war, it was like this every night.
I wouldn't like war.
When I was a child, I thought I would. But not now.
My mother, on such a night...
Our big house... gone.
So you see, where I live, everybody is frightened of the thunder.
If my father lived there, he'd tell them
it was just two pieces of air coming together.
I'm so sick of those two pieces of air.
When I was a little girl, my father would say,
"Cinzia, pazzerella." Foolish.
They are no help, fathers.
- Listen, can I get into bed with you? - Yes.
Wait a minute, why not in bed with your father?
He wouldn't want me, he would say I was...
- Pazzerella? - Yes.
He doesn't like me to be a baby.
Elizabeth, did you ever think that your father is afraid too?
- Him? - He doesn't want anyone to know.
Sometimes it is very difficult to be a grown-up.
Why don't you go upstairs to him? It's a terrible night.
Well, I've got to get in bed with somebody.
Why don't you come too? He's got a big bed.
I don't think it's big enough.
SCHEDULE 7:15 AM, WAKE CHILDREN...
- You'll wake her. - That's what I intend to do.
- I have to be at the office in 45 minutes. - Can't you shake her a little?
- You shake her. - Are you scared?
- Yes, I'm scared. - Chicken.
Cinzia, wake up.
- Buongiorno, Roberto. - Buongiorno. I'm not alone.
The children are supposed to be dressed and breakfast on the table.
The kids want oatmeal, and I like scrambled eggs and bacon.
The eggs dry, the bacon crisp. Toast and coffee.
There is one thing you ought to know.
One little thing. I do not cook.
- You do not cook? - No.
- Why didn't you tell me that? - You never asked.
- You can scramble an egg, can't you? - Yes.
What do you mean, "scramble"?
Just take the kids down to the village for their breakfast.
I'll have just some coffee. You can make coffee, I hope?
Not American coffee. Do you have an espresso-maker?
Never mind.
I can do without food and I can do without coffee.
- You eat too much anyway. - Thank you.
Go back to sleep.
- Daddy, wait! - What?
- I've made American coffee. - I read her the label.
- What? - I read her the label.
I don't see how you could. It's still here in the coffee.
You don't like it?
She burned her hand twice.
- It's wonderful. - Then why don't you drink it?
You don't want to hurt her feelings, do you?
- Good, isn't it? - Holy...
Delicious.
I don't see how you Americans can stomach this.
We're a young country. I doubt if we'll grow much older.
- Goodbye. - Bye, Daddy.
What brought that on?
- What? - You kissing me goodbye?
- Don't I always? - How foolish of me not to have noticed.
Take it easy.
Pretty good repair-job on the car. Listen to that motor.
Did you make up your mind about the boat?
Do you want to rent, buy, make a deal?
It's a leaky, broken-down derelict,
that will probably sink and dump us all in the river.
But I wouldn't think of living in any other place.
I'll make a deal.
Can you select a melon for me?
The 4th of July. The Sons of Italy Ball.
We'll tie one on together. What do you say?
Do you want to be the lucky girl this year?
You have a certain native charm. Reserve it for the natives.
- Elizabeth! - Aunt Carolyn.
Hi, sweetie. I saw David at the houseboat.
He told me you were shopping.
Cinzia is getting melon and prosciutto - That's ham.
You eat it cold and don't have to cook it.
- Who's Cinzia? - Cinzia is our maid.
- She doesn't know how to cook. - So I see. Where is your father?
He is doing the laundry at the Laundromat.
We have to bring our clothes there. Cinzia doesn't know how to wash.
- What does she do? - Everything.
- They have been married for 15 years. - What happened?
Mr Winters, your first batch is dry.
Would you put it over on the table, please?
Harry told her that he was going to night baseball games every night.
Every night? That's an awful lot of baseball.
He carried a portable radio so he could keep up with the games
in case she asked him any questions.
They are sneaky... Men.
- So Gertrude followed him. - Naturally.
He met this blonde at this motel.
Took a room?
Do you know anybody that goes to a motel to sit in the lobby?
Well, she listened at the door.
The bases were loaded and there were two out.
So she peaks through the keyhole.
Pretty dirty, it needs another...
Bases loaded, two out.
- I'll tell you later. - Hi.
I've been looking for you. Can we go someplace and talk?
My laundry is in for another inning, is it important?
Not very. It's just that John and I are through, I've filed suit.
I'll tell you later. Let me know the final score.
I can't say I'm surprised.
Any chance of you and John patching it up?
None. Obviously, there's another woman.
Is there another man?
Now that you bring it up, yes, there is one.
- Do I know him? - Not very well.
Daddy, come here. I want to talk to you.
- Can I, I mean tonight too? - Of course.
- Even if it doesn't thunder? - Especially.
Isn't that nice?
That's a clever idea. How did you think of that?
Once in the Vatican, I was looking up and I said to myself,
"How in the devil did Michelangelo paint that ceiling?"
I always thought he had a pogo stick.
Isn't that amazing?
Now they match. Thank you.
- Who sir, me sir? - Yes sir, you sir.
- No sir, not I sir. - Who then sir?
- Gold Cap. - Who sir, me sir?
- No sir, not I sir. - Who then sir?
Want to get in the game?
No. These ropes are shot. I'm going to change them.
You'll set the whole boat adrift.
Angelo is coming tomorrow. Leave it for someone who knows how.
Sure. I forgot for a minute that I was a lamebrain.
Sometimes you behave like one.
Where did you get all that new rope?
Go to your room. You're not getting anything to eat tonight.
Thanks. I'm trying to lose weight.
Now, where were we?
Thank you, Michelangelo. Now everything matches.
Help!
- Who is it? - David.
Help!
If you want to go down the river to Aunt Carolyn,
I'll drive you there in the morning.
- I can hitch. - I'll drive you there.
Now, everybody get some sleep.
Come along, you.
Come on, you.
Good night, David.
- Good night, Roberto. - Good night, Cinzia.
So, you are leaving in the morning?
He doesn't care.
Who dived in for you, Aunt Carolyn?
Speak to him. Ask him not to go.
That's all he is waiting for.
If he wants to, I'm not going to stop him. I've done my best.
You are like my father. Completely pig-headed.
- Is the right word pig-headed? - It will do.
David is a child.
Do you know what it is for a child to be alone?
I know.
He has been terribly hurt. He loved his mother very much.
After all this you expect him to be grown-up like you?
Grown-up, pompous and knowing everything.
Pig-headed.
All right, I'll talk to him in the morning.
In my own pig-headed way.
- A little bit pig-headed is all right. - You ought to know.
Daddy...
When are you coming to bed?
I'll be right there, darling.
- Thank you. Good night. - Good night.
What's going on? How did we get out here?
Why didn't you awaken me? My alarm-clock didn't go off.
Stop that singing, stop it.
- Tell me, what happened? - We broke loose in the wind.
Now we're stuck or we could have floated all the way to the ocean.
We could have had one of those economy cruises to Europe.
Please, stop singing!
Why didn't you awaken me?
- What would you do? - Well, I would have...
I don't know.
- What kind of a bird is that? - Who cares?
I have an appointment and I can't be late.
Someone will come soon, perhaps Angelo. So we wait.
- Dolce far niente. - That's wonderful. Dolce far niente.
- What does that mean? - It's a saying. "How sweet to do nothing."
In America they can pull you in for that.
Poor Americans. Is it all right?
- Look at me, I'm swimming. - It's wonderful.
That's enough.
- Marvellous. - You were to speak with David.
I haven't got time. I have to get off this boat.
You have plenty of time.
You didn't cut that rope, did you?
You have got the knife.
- Come on, let's have breakfast. - We've had breakfast.
I had bacon...
Catch anything?
I used to fish in this river when I was a kid.
What's this? The Huckleberry Finn approach?
As a matter of fact, I didn't know very much about it.
Messy business.
Had to get my sister to help me take them off the hook.
She enjoyed it. Blood-thirsty little creature.
Shouldn't you have cast that out further?
Are you going to teach me how to fish too,
just like everything I try to do?
Like I was a real lamebrain.
- Sorry. - I'll pay you for the rowboat.
I'll pay you for the house, too. Someday. I'll save up.
All right. If you want to.
- You're baiting that all wrong. - What's wrong with it?
You don't lay it on. You got to put it on here.
You must have worked your little sister to pieces.
That's very kind of you.
Thank you.
- How's that? - Terrible.
- What's wrong with it? - You just can't cast.
- All right, show me. Go ahead. - All right.
That's pretty good.
- Wait, I think I've got something. - Reel in. Set the hook.
Come on, reel in.
Don't reel in so fast, you'll lose him.
- It must be a big one. - It sure looks it.
Take it off.
Here! Here, give it to me.
You don't even know how to take a fish off the hook.
Everything I try to do, every little thing.
- Sometimes you gotta. - I guess sometimes you "gotta".
I think the striped perch is the prettiest thing there is.
I think it's practically a shame to catch it.
Look at it. It's dead already.
Why does everything have to die?
For the same reason that everything has to live.
That's what I get from my teachers. Double talk.
Think what the world would be like if nothing ever died.
There would be no room for the new and beautiful that's being born.
I'm not making room for anyone.
Let them come and get me.
That's encouraging. You sound as if you enjoy living.
It's better than nothing.
I have to die some day, probably a long time before you.
- It doesn't bother me much. - Who are you making room for?
It might be another William Shakespeare or a George Washington.
Or even a lamebrain like you.
But I prefer to think that no one ever really leaves.
When you're dead, you're dead.
Take another look at that fish.
I can see there is more than one pig-headed member of this family.
Let me try to explain it to you. Here, hold on.
See this pitcher?
Try to think of this pitcher as being me. My body.
The pitcher has no use at all except as a container for something.
In this case it contains water which you can think of as my life force.
- Try to lose that. - OK.
- Got it? - It's easy.
There.
The only thing is it isn't lost.
It's part of the whole river. It's still in the universe.
- You haven't lost it. Get rid of it. - What about this?
Look out. What about it?
I get the idea. It will evaporate, become a cloud
and come down someplace else as rain.
- That's pretty clever of you. - I guess you can't lose anything.
You're right. Probably not even life itself.
It's just that everything is constantly changing.
Perhaps when our life force, our souls, leave our bodies,
we go back into God's universe
in the security of being part of all life again.
For all we know, that sort of life after death may be beautiful.
If you say so.
Pop, don't do anything beautiful for a while, will you?
- I'll try not to. - And give up smoking.
It's bad for older people.
I'll just go in and get my orange juice. Keep up my strength.
Hey, David. Ahoy there.
- Grab a hold of this line. - OK. Throw here.
I've got it. How do you like what happened to us?
- Where's your father? - He's inside.
That's about the fourth time this summer it's broken loose.
Where's the Italian pastry?
The Italian pastry is inside.
I found your knife the other day, you must have dropped it.
Thanks, I've been looking all over for it.
I stole it from you.
- What? - You can tell the police if you want to.
Do you think I'm crazy? I don't even remember where I got it from.
- Have you got that tied fast? - Yeah.
About that rope. I took it from your boat yesterday.
If we're going to play true confessions,
I've got about 15 years head start.
We'll have to wait for the tide. About an hour and a half.
You're going to be late for your office.
What's the difference? Dolce far niente.
- Paisà. - Not yet, but I'm getting there.
It's wonderful.
It shows what can be accomplished with cheap child labour.
It's about time. Get downstairs.
We'll take the ladder. How about you?
I'll take the steps. I forgot to wear my blue jeans tonight.
- I love you madly. - Good night.
We'd better hurry.
I can hear them tuning up over at the Country Club already.
Tom, I want you to know I'm very flattered.
But, whatever got you out of your shell?
Even a hermit needs a change of scenery occasionally.
And this is very pretty scenery.
Alice knew how I felt about you all along.
- Is it all right to mention her now? - Is it all right to mention John?
- Only with a snarl. - I can manage a snarl for John.
It's so nice to have you back. So very nice.
- Miss Jibson. - Gibson.
Gibson... You have overlooked.
You're so right, "I have overlooked."
Good night, Cinzia. Will you see that the children get to bed?
Yes, Signor Winters, I shall out the lights in half an hour.
- You do that. You out the lights. - It is the wrong word?
- It's charmingly the wrong word. - I shall turn out the lights in half an hour.
Congratulations.
I bet if you really tried you could learn how to do the laundry too.
- Elizabeth is sleeping. - Good.
I found my old English book you asked me for.
I was using it for a doorstop.
Teach me.
Why do you want to learn English?
You've got a really cute accent.
- Charming? - Yeah, charming.
I spit on charming. Teach me!
This will be the first time for both of us.
"Adjectives and Adverbs." Do you want to go that deep?
Yes.
"An adjective modifies a noun or a pronoun.
"An adverb modifies a verb, adjective or other adverb.
"Like cautious and cautiously."
Cautious and cautiously.
- Do you like your Aunt Carolyn? - Sure thing, she's cool.
Your father likes her very much, doesn't he?
I suppose. She's a lot like our mother used to be.
The way she talks and everything.
I mean, they were sisters.
Am I teaching you English or ain't I?
Yes, go on, Signor Professore.
"Poor, poorly. Great, greatly."
- Something wrong? - What?
- Something wrong? - No, I know this music very well.
It is most pretty. Is that correct - most pretty?
- Very pretty. - Thanks. Very pretty.
It's an old cornball. "Almost In Your Arms".
In Italy we call it "Quasi nelle tue braccia."
- How does it go in English? - "How we are changed
"by things that seem
"so small.
"One look
"can write a book.
"One touch can say..."
"Different, differently. Beautiful, beautifully.
"Different, differently. Beautiful, beautifully."
- Come on, it's not that hard. - Well, it is for me.
I haven't learned any English tonight, but I've learned one thing.
It's time for me to go home.
Go to bed, David. Good night.
Good night.
Is it all right if I sit here for a while? I'm not sleepy.
- Sure. - "...ly".
Surely.
- Hello there. - Look, presents.
Why shouldn't we celebrate Christmas on the 4th of July?
One for you. One for you and there, one for you.
- Who sir, me sir? - Yes sir, you sir.
- No sir, not I sir. - Who then sir?
Come in.
Are you really leaving in the morning?
Any hope of you changing your mind?
Before you go, I want you to know how grateful I am to you and...
- That's a present for you. - For what?
For everything.
With that fine Italian hand that can't cook or do the laundry,
you've managed to put a family together.
I thank you with all my heart.
- It's a dress. - I see.
- It's unusual. - Carolyn helped me pick it out.
Of course.
I thought it was a little gaudy with those flowers,
but she thought you might prefer it that way.
Carolyn is a very knowing woman.
You are an attractive girl and you'll look well in that.
Thank you.
I've got another surprise for you.
How would you like to go to a dance tonight?
I would love to, yes.
- Angelo will pick you up at 8:00. - Angelo?
He's been dying to take you to the Sons of Italy Ball.
I hear it's a very nice affair,
so I took the liberty of accepting the invitation for you.
You've got to get out and have a good time.
You're in the United States now.
Three cheers for the red, white and blue.
Daddy, are you taking Cinzia to the dance tonight?
Not Cinzia, there are lots of dances tonight.
I'm taking Aunt Carolyn to the Country Club dance.
Is that getting to be a thing with you and her?
- How would you like me to answer that? - Any way you want to.
Greetings, everybody.
- Is the dame ready? - The lady is finishing dressing.
Cinzia, your date is here. Straining at the leash.
Good evening, Mr Donatello.
Holy jumping cow.
- What a dress. - You've certainly improved that dress.
Will you assist me?
This is the necklace my mother wore,
the night my father proposed to her.
- Proposed? - I've never had it on before.
Excuse me, I just remembered something.
My brother is very sick, very sick.
I was bringing him these flowers.
That's what I came over to talk to you about.
My apologies, forgive me. Shoot me.
But I'm not taking you to no dance.
Angelo. I thought we had everything arranged.
You saw that dress,
she's sharp-shooting with her old lady's necklace.
There's nothing wrong about that. She's a very nice girl, isn't she?
- And that can louse up an evening. - What have you got against nice girls?
I have a good business, I make a nice dollar, I own my own truck.
If I want to have a good time, I go out and have it.
A blonde one night, brunette the next.
Smorgasbord. You like a guy who speaks plain?
Yes, I do.
Are you worried that her intentions are honourable?
It worries me sick.
I can feel myself slipping right into community property.
Go inside, you're driving me nuts.
It's a free country.
She's beautiful.
She is a delightful girl and she works very hard.
She deserves an evening out.
Cut it out, will you?
My brother once took a dame like that to the Sons of Italy Ball.
He's married.
Ever since he's been having sons of Italy all over the place.
Six kids, doctor bills.
His wife is getting fat and sloppy. Who needs it?
You have to settle down one day. If only from exhaustion.
I'm young yet, I don't want to be old tomorrow.
You're beautiful and I love you.
I never want to see you again.
Extraordinary.
I've never seen a man behave so stupidly.
Haven't you?
- Ahoy. Is this ship one of ours? - Ready for the big dance?
- Don't you want a drink first? - Prepare to board.
- I think you've had enough, Alan. - One teeny, weenie Martini
and then we all head for the Country Club, right?
Maybe we should stay here. This is prettier than the Country Club.
This is nice.
- Who is she? - That's the maid.
I understand she sleeps in.
That's not very funny, Alan.
You have been asking for it. The whole town is talking.
I love your new uniform.
What do you wear on your day off?
We have to get rid of Sadie the scrubber.
This, ladies and gentleman, is what I call a maid.
There are those who require alcohol to give them courage,
I'm not one of them.
Is it dry enough?
You think of an answer in the morning, dear.
She must be used to it by now.
You'd better get off the boat.
Carolyn, I'll take you to the Country Club in my car.
- Don't you want to go with me? - Not until you grow up.
What do you expect people to think about the girl?
What do you think, Carolyn?
Thank you and good night, ladies and gentlemen.
Go away, whoever.
You should have pushed him in the water.
Are you crying?
Anybody does anything to you again,
just let me know, no matter who.
Whom.
Who.
Why do I only have to be 13 years old?
Why do I have to be a little kid?
Otherwise I could take you to that dance.
You are my professor, not a little kid.
- Do you want to go fishing for eels? - I can't think of anything nicer.
Maybe you can make peanut butter sandwiches, they are easy.
- No, I think I'd better make them. - I'll make them.
I'll go and get the spears and lights
and I'll meet you on the deck.
This is going to be a pretty good 4th of July after all.
Cinzia, I think I should apologise
for the behaviour of the upper classes in America.
They behave like the upper classes in Italy.
Also the lower classes.
Would you help me with...
This stud is stuck here.
Thank you.
Cinzia, would you do me a favour?
Will you do me the honour of accompanying me to the dance tonight?
- Me? I? - Yes.
- With you? - Me... I.
Of course, yes, thank you.
- I should have asked you, do you dance? - We are quite advanced in Italy.
- Do you feel better? - We'll get you some solid food.
There are quite a few stuffy people at some of these dances.
- Would you prefer to go somewhere else? - They are not the only stuffy people.
- Would you prefer to go somewhere else? - No.
I'm certain you wouldn't do anything to embarrass me.
Or would you?
- Thank you very much. - Yes, she would do.
The evening is starting out fine, I can see that.
Don't be confused.
No, I've sworn off.
I'm only taking that stuff externally now.
My compliments to you. Don't report that to the union.
I've sobered up a little and would like to apologise.
May I say that if everyone brought their maids instead of their wives,
- I'd pay up my back dues. - You may say that.
Am I forgiven enough to have this dance?
- Would it embarrass you? - I've gone past that.
Hello. They've got quite a buffet.
Would you care to come over and watch me eat crow?
- Hello, Carolyn. - Won't you dance with me?
Of course.
Tom, I'm sorry.
I'll go away and I'll vanish into thin air if you just tell me,
are you in love with her?
Cinzia?
She is David's girl.
If you were in love with her,
would you know you were in love with her?
It's just that I've waited so long.
Since I was four years old.
Then my sister beat me to it.
Would you care if we didn't dance any more?
- Am I stepping on your toes? - All my life, mister. All my life.
Tom, if you don't marry me, you're likely to do something foolish.
I know.
You don't take a girl out of another world
and try to make her part of yours.
You may try, but you just don't.
If it didn't work out, the children would be in worse shape than ever.
They would be rowing across the river in squadrons.
Why don't you take an oar, too?
I swore that one tried marriage was enough,
but perhaps it's time to reconsider.
Because the children like me?
Not only that, there are times you bring out the beast in me.
Likewise, Tom.
I know you are not madly in love with me,
but maybe that would come in time.
Are you willing to take me on that basis?
On any basis, Tom. That's how the mighty have fallen.
Thank you very much.
I'm delighted you are the belle of the ball, but may I have this dance?
I believe that I am the fellow that brought you.
Yes, you are the stuffy one.
It's a lovely evening. Thank you so much for bringing me.
There is something I should tell you.
Yes?
What?
There is something you wish to tell me?
There is?
How have you been, Tom?
Hey, Tom.
Carolyn just told us the good news. Congratulations.
- How much for the houseboat? - They will live on it after they are married.
- For this, I'm going off the wagon. - That's a short trip.
Married?
That was what I was about to tell you.
Do me the honour to go straight to hell.
If I don't say it right, I don't care.
Tom, what's the matter?
Carolyn, I've been terribly stupid.
I'm sorry. Since you were four years old, I'm sorry.
Good morning. Well, somebody say something.
"The morning's at 7:00, God is in heaven,
"all is right with the world." That is correct?
- I've given up teaching. - There is much yet for me to learn.
- You learn pretty fast. - I don't think I want any breakfast.
At least one thing I've learned.
I can make boiled eggs and cereal.
I just pour in milk and it goes crack, pop and snap.
Even I cannot spoil it. Is your father awake?
No, he's sleeping.
I poked him a few times, but he's still sleeping.
He must have been crock.
If it's all right with you, can I have my English book back?
I'm the dumbest one in the class.
- I'd better start to study. - All right.
I'm going to get some air.
David, I am not leaving today.
Perhaps later we can go fishing together?
You don't want to go fishing with me, I'm just a kid.
I bet you think you're beautiful. Well, you're not.
You're ugly. You're the ugliest old girl I ever saw.
Roberto, eat your breakfast.
I don't want to.
Did you kiss him?
- Who? - Daddy.
Yes, I did.
- That's what David said. - Did he kiss you?
Yes, he kissed me. I want to tell you something.
- I'm in love with your father. - He loves you?
I believe so. I hope so.
I want you to know something. We might get married.
Would that make you our mother?
I would be most happy to be your father's wife and your mother.
You can't be our mother. You are our friend.
One can be a friend and a mother. Of course, it's most unusual.
You can't be our mother. You don't look like our mother.
You can't even cook an egg. What kind of a mother are you?
- Roberto. - Don't call me any Italian name.
My mother is dead!
I'm very sorry. I don't mean to take her place.
Perhaps you can explain to Roberto later.
He wouldn't listen. He'll just get that harmonica
and he won't listen to anybody.
I don't think I can eat either.
- Listen. About married people. - What?
Do they sleep in the same bed together?
In America, sometimes. In Italy, always.
Would it matter if I slept with you?
No, it would be all right.
- But not all the time. - Why not? I don't take up much room.
It has something to do with married people.
I guess he likes you better than he likes me.
Why do you talk like that?
Yes, he does. He didn't even want me in there
when it was lightning and I was afraid.
I hate him. You go ahead, see if I care.
He pulls the covers off me anyway.
I got you a stateroom on the Constitution leaving New York the day after tomorrow.
- Will you jump over board? - I've had my adventure.
I've learned many things.
Including how difficult it is to be a father.
It wasn't easy to cancel the rest of my tour and come back.
- Is it all right? - Just perfect.
We'll go to Como together. A vacation.
Then there's a concert at La Scala. What an ovation we'll get.
- You will get. - I will get.
Are you expecting somebody?
- Yes? - I'm looking for Miss Cinzia Zaccardi.
She's not in.
Seven years old?
You left some dirty dishes in the sink.
Sorry, it was a lovely interlude.
I enjoyed every minute of it.
Until we both had too much champagne and spoilt it all.
- It was just an interlude? - Yes.
For one who has had so much experience lying,
you're not doing very well now.
I talked to the children after I got your note.
I would like you to meet my father.
- How do you do? - How do you do?
- I love you very much. - Some tea?
- You are in love with me. Aren't you? - It's excellent tea, I didn't make it.
- One lump or two? - You stay out of this.
Your children are your friends again.
- That is the most important thing. - It is more important to be their father.
I have my life and my father and I have finally come to understand him.
You know you are very beautiful. Have I told you that before?
You are really quite beautiful.
No, I am an ugly old girl. Please go away.
I guess she wasn't in after all.
Come here.
Cinzia, come out here.
I can lock her in her room. I can take her to Italy.
The only way I can keep her is to let her go away.
I'm too old to run after her any more.
It's your turn. A terrible time she'll give you.
Come out here at once!
If you do one thing ever to hurt her, or make her cry,
I'll have your heart cut out. If I have to go to the Mafia.
- She doesn't want me. - Zaccardi knows what she wants.
- I saw him over there. - Come on down.
We aren't going to their wedding either, but you'd better get inside.
No, I'm going to stay up here all night and freeze.
- It's too warm to freeze. - You're just a girl.
- OK. Come on down. - All right.
- Are you ready? - Almost.
Did you speak to the children?
Yes. They are being very pig-headed.
I don't know where they get it from.
- Please, try again. - All right.
Thank you.
Aren't you going to get dressed?
I know how you feel,
but nothing ever stays exactly the same.
Everything changes.
Everybody has to leave everybody sooner or later.
It's not so bad. It's different, but not so bad.
You will all be leaving me before long and I have to get used to that.
You can't remain children forever.
- No matter how much you want to. - Why do you talk so much?
Because you make me feel guilty.
Why should I feel guilty? You are the ones.
Why don't you cry or something? Then I'd feel better.
Won't you please come to my wedding?
Cinzia would like it.
Why do I talk so much?
Would you both kneel, please?
We are gathered together here
to join this man and this woman in bonds of matrimony,
in the presence of God and these witnesses
and by virtue of authority vested in me by the laws of this state.
If any of you know any reason why these two should not be thus joined,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
Will you take her hand, please?
Do you, Thomas Winters, take this woman for your lawful and wedded wife?
That's you, sir.
Who sir, me sir?
Yes sir, you sir.
I do.
Will you love, honour, cherish, keep her in sickness and in health,
forsaking all others so long as you both shall live?
I will.
- Do you take this man as your husband? - I do.