Bună dimineața, Chicago.
Marea întrebare pentru Moș Crăciun
poate face față vremii din Chicago.
Ce vreau de Crăciun?
Ce zici de o echipă câștigătoare?
Orice echipă din Chicago.
Ți-ai pus deja dorința pentru Moș Crăciun, nu?
Sigur am. Am scris o listă, am verificat-o de două ori.
Fani Blackhawk din întreaga lume,
fanii de pretutindeni au avut...
Și îmi place această perioadă a anului.
Trebuie să ne grăbim, Annie.
Haide. Să mergem, să mergem, să mergem!
Sunt prietenii mei care încearcă să mă contacteze, nu-i așa?
Știi, dacă aș avea propriul meu telefon...
Um, nu există renunțare în tine și e inspirant. Încă un nu greu.
Bine, să presupunem că sunt într-o clădire în flăcări.
Nu. Un magazin de animale de companie care arde.
Nu. Un orfelinat în flăcări,
și trebuie să dau un telefon.
Te-ai simți atât de groaznic.
Sunt vieți în joc!
Nu primești un telefon, Annie. Îmi pare rău.
I get more calls on your phone than you do.
That's not true.
My friends have to text you just to talk to me.
It's embarrassing.
I'm not embarrassing. Maeve's dad is embarrassing.
Whoa!
Ow!
Still? The ice?
- I told them to salt it. - Ow.
You were saying?
One second.
Jake Doyle.
It's for you.
Fifty-eight minutes to Grandpa and Grandma's. With traffic.
Boom!
Hey, you wanna shoot pucks in the driveway later?
No, thanks.
Why not? I thought you liked it. It's kind of our thing.
I don't like hockey anymore.
Oh, okay, well...
maybe we can build a snowman with Mom and your brother?
Dad.
We could...
Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up.
Listen, kiddo, I'm sorry about the phone. It's not gonna happen.
I hate to see you disappointed.
Look, I know that this year is a little bit different,
but you can still have a good Christmas.
What about you?
I always have a good Christmas.
Hello?
Mom?
Must be out running errands.
Katie? Charlie?
I'm bored.
Why couldn't we visit Aunt Lizzy in Australia instead?
Those flights are crazy expensive.
Well...
what am I supposed to do here?
I...
Come on, come on.
Ta-da!
- What is that? - That's my Nintendo from when I was a kid.
Hmm. It looks like Tupperware.
Tupperware?
Come on, let's play.
Can I text Maeve from your phone after?
Can you...
Yes, but can I show you how this works first, please?
- Yeah. -Thank you.
Oh, first you have to do this.
Why?
I don't know, just how it works.
Nice. Maybe dust?
I thought you said Grandma and Grandpa
didn't let you have video games when you were little.
They didn't.
Then how'd you get it?
When I was a kid, I wanted a Nintendo worse than you want a phone.
That's not possible.
You know what? Today is your lucky day.
Pentru că acum o să vă spun povestea despre cum mi-am luat Nintendo.
Dar este posibil cel mai uimitor, periculos,
poveste minunată a tuturor timpurilor.
Deci... te poți descurca?
Este periculos pentru că aș putea muri de plictiseală?
E o idee buna.
Era 1987. Sau era ’88?
Nr. '85, Urși.
- Super Bowl a fost în '86... - Bine, chiar contează, tată?
Bine bine.
Anul a fost sfârșitul anilor '80.
Îi vom numi decembrie.
Aveam 11 ani.
Iarna, dacă străzile erau arate,
Aș putea ajunge acasă la Timmy Keane în mai puțin de opt minute.
Pe bicicleta? Cât de repede mergeai?
Foarte repede.
Ai purtat cască?
Da desigur.
Întotdeauna am purtat căști în anii '80.
A fost verde?
Da. Era verde.
Aș putea spune doar povestea?
- Da. - Mulțumiri.
Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo!
Nintendo! Nintendo!
Regula la Keane era simplă.
Primii zece copii care au trecut prin ușa lui au ajuns să joace Nintendo.
Știi cum întâlnești unii oameni,
și habar nu ai că au mulți bani?
Da. Timmy Keane a fost opusul.
Un psihopat cunoscut,
avea tendinţa de a-şi pierde minţile în mod regulat.
- Tu ești afară! - Tu! Tu! Tu!
Prost!
Bunica idioata!
A fost o lecție timpurie despre cruzimea lui Dumnezeu...
dând singura Nintendo din oraș unui copil bogat precum Timmy Keane.
Și fiecare copil de la Mary Todd Lincoln Elementary era la mila lui...
inclusiv cei mai buni prieteni ai mei.
O, încă o sâmbătă în tranșee.
Mikey Trotter.
Dur, tenace. I s-a permis să vizioneze filme cu rating R și s-a arătat.
Vreau să pun mine terestre în această curte.
Ca în Pluton, aruncați în aer pe toată lumea.
Sună periculos.
Evan Olsen.
Nervos, alergic la albine și SpaghettiOs.
Probabil că va trebui să plece acasă în curând.
Probabil că trebuie să merg acasă curând.
Mai multe Nintendo pentru noi.
Tammy Hodges.
Geniu inteligent, încrezător, cărți de baseball
și viitorul CEO al Hodges Industries.
Începătorul meu Canseco a urcat doi dolari!
Da, acesta era Canseco-ul meu.
Teddy Hodges.
Fratele geamăn al lui Tammy.
Viitorul asistent al CEO-ului Hodges Industries.
Bună băieți. Ce faci?
Oh, da, și acest copil.
Scuze am intarziat. Am vorbit la telefon cu Bon Jovi.
Jeff Farmer.
Mincinos patologic.
Nu chiar prietenul nostru, dar mereu în preajmă.
Și ai plecat devreme de la școală ieri
pentru că Tom Cruise avea nevoie să faci cascadorii pentru el?
El știe că și eu am nevoie de viteză.
Deci, nu ai avut diaree?
Erau ambele. Tom Cruise și diareea.
Cele două nu se exclud reciproc.
Taci. El iese.
Nintendo! Nintendo!
Nintendo!
- Nintendo! - Tăcere!
8:00 am
Timp de joc.
Cuiva dintre voi, maselor înghesuite, îi pasă de Nintendo?
Da!
Alege-ma! Alege-ma!
Tu. Tu. Tu.
Esti bun.
Da! Am intrat!
Suntem înăuntru!
Iubesc locul acesta.
- Uau! - Minunat.
Și iată-o, strălucind în toată gloria ei de plastic cenușiu,
un labirint de cabluri de cauciuc și inteligență electronică atât de avansată
nu a fost considerat un joc video,
ci un sistem de divertisment pe 8 biți.
Saluta-l pe micul meu prieten.
Hei, jos cizmele!
E bandă acolo dacă ai găuri în șosete.
Nu atinge peretele! Este francez.
- Stai, fratele meu e încă afară. - Lasa-ma inauntru!
Știi regulile.
Primii zece, atât.
Dar este Teddy.
— Dar este Teddy.
Nemernic!
Păcat, atât de trist.
Nu se putea nega că era un nesimțit.
De asemenea, nu se poate nega că avea cel mai tare subsol
în întregul fus orar central.
O masă de biliard, tablă de amestecare, flipper,
mașină de făcut pop, producătoare de floricele în stil film.
Hei, nu trebuie să bei sifonul.
Și un sertar cu gustări mai bine aprovizionat
decât majoritatea supermarketurilor din zona Chicago.
Vă este foame băieți? Vrei niște Pop-Tarts sau ceva?
- Da. Ar fi minunat. - Sigur.
mama.
mama!
- Mamă, trezește-te! - Ce?
Adu-mi un Pop-Tart!
Uh, câte?
- Doar unul. - Cineva...
Câștigătorul rămâne.
Cei care!
Ești mort. Ești mort.
Ești mort.
Hei, băieți, vreți să jucați?
Psih! Bum!
Pot să fac asta toată ziua.
În timp ce stăteam acolo și mă uitam la Timmy Keane
zdrobește cu un centimetru de ecran până la mulțumirea inimii sale malefice,
un lucru a devenit clar.
Trebuia să-mi iau propriul Nintendo.
Rapid.
Oh, la naiba!
TĂU este posesiv.
De săptămâni, complotam
cum să-mi fac părinții să spună „da” unei Nintendo de Crăciun.
„Scout” este scris greșit.
În seara asta a fost noaptea în care mi-am pus în sfârșit planul în acțiune.
- „Atticus” este scris greșit. - Mamă.
Hei, mamă.
Îmi pare atât de rău, mamă,
dar am niște ketchup pe hanorac.
Oh Doamne. Bine, hai să scoatem asta înainte să se instaleze.
Știi, am cumpărat hanoracul ăla cu două mărimi prea mare.
- Știu. - Trebuie să te țină încă un an.
Nu știu. Wow! Iisus!
Mama mea a fost mereu multi-tasking.
Ea a prosperat cu haosul.
Două lucruri deodată, era de aur.
Dar dacă i-ai dat o a treia sarcină cu care să jongleze, lucrurile au devenit periculoase,
și ai putea-o face să fie de acord cu lucruri cu care în mod normal nu ar fi de acord.
Hei, deci, mamă, mă gândeam, de Crăciun...
Un copil care gândește. Ce revigorant.
Poate ai putea să-mi înveți asta pe studenții mei.
Sigur?
Dar doar pentru a face cumpărături de Crăciun
ceva mai usor pentru mine anul asta...
ce-ar fi să-mi iei un Nintendo?
Sigur. Suna foarte bine.
Mănușa mamei a trecut.
Dumnezeu să-l binecuvânteze!
E totul în regulă acolo?
A văzut cineva ferăstrăul meu SKIL?
Cred că e la duș.
Nu, acesta este puzzle-ul meu. Am nevoie de ferăstrăul meu SKIL.
John, ferăstrăul SKIL este sub puzzle.
Trebuie să te uiți mai tare.
Acestea sunt pentru Mueller.
Din cele 6.000 de fursecuri de Crăciun
mama a copt de-a lungul anilor,
nimeni din familia mea nu mâncase vreodată una.
Hei, laptele este expirat.
Nu. Este o sugestie. Este bine.
Jake! Unde...
- Oh. - Ce?
Intră aici și ajută-mă.
În mod normal, îl ajut pe tatăl meu cu orice renovare pe jumătate
pe care îl făcea ar fi ultimul lucru pe care am vrut să-l fac,
dar în seara asta, eram un bărbat într-o misiune.
Voi intra imediat, tată.
Uau, uită-te la asta.
În cele din urmă te-a uzat.
Tatăl meu era un dislexic Bob Vila.
Era bine cunoscut în sus și în jos pe Linwood Avenue, în 1978
tatăl meu s-a dus să monteze un dulap de bucătărie și nu s-a oprit de atunci.
Vă rugăm să purtați ochelari de protecție de această dată.
Ai purtat ochelarii de protecție?
Absolut.
Într-adevăr?
Cam.
În regulă, poți să o scoți acum.
- Ce? - Dă-o jos.
Oh.
Vom căuta ochelarii mai târziu.
Este într-adevăr mai mult o sugestie.
Wow.
Cum ți-ai făcut mâinile atât de puternice?
Lucrez cu ei de peste 30 de ani, așa.
- E atât de tare. - Da?
Poate mi-ați aduce ceva de Crăciun
asta îmi mărește puterea mâinii, ca să te pot ajuta mai bine.
Știi, îmi place sunetul asta.
Ca un Nintendo?
Da.
Terminat.
În regulă. Hai să facem curat. Haide.
Ai făcut-o, tată!
Au spus da.
Eram pe norul nouă.
Deci povestea s-a terminat, nu?
Misto. Îi pot trimite mesaj lui Maeve acum?
Uh-uh.
John, acea ceașcă este dezgustătoare.
Aceasta este ceașca exactă din care beam când...
Când au învins Stelele Nordului
-în semifinalele de conferinţă din '85. - Bine. Da.
Este o amintire frumoasă și o ceașcă groaznică.
Intru totul.
Nu mai spune „total”. Suni ca un prost.
Și ce face retenerul tău din gură?
Dar mâncăm.
Știi cât de scump este chestia aia? Pune-l înapoi.
John, chiar nu poate mânca cu ea înăuntru. Nu funcționează așa.
Ei bine, nu va funcționa deloc dacă o pierde.
Adică, ortodonția este cea mai mare rachetă.
Aș putea face una dintre acestea. Uşor.
Câteva agrafe, apărătorie... Gata.
Aș vrea să termini camera de zi și sufrageria
înainte de a începe să lucrați la elementele de reținere ale acestora.
Dacă aș avea un dispozitiv de reținere, l-aș purta tot timpul, indiferent de ce.
Știu că ai face-o, dragă. Ești așa de dragă.
Hei, nu mi-ai văzut compresorul de aer, nu-i așa?
E în curtea din spate,
chiar lângă toată caca de câine pe care Jake nu le-a ridicat.
Hei.
Nu ai luat-o încă?
Plânge într-o găleată, Jake.
What have you been doing all day?
I was in Timmy Keane's basement.
What, you can't play outside?
It's cold.
It's not even below zero out.
What've you been doing inside all day?
Probably playing the Mimtendo?
"Nintendo."
That's what I just said. "Intendo," John.
You know, I ran into Mrs. Trotter at the Jewel today.
Apparently, video games have been doing
all kinds of strange things to children in Japan.
Like what?
They get so involved, they completely forget about everything else.
School, friends.
One little boy had a brain aneurysm
and stuff oozed out of his nose.
I'm very glad that we do not have one.
But you said I could get one for Christmas.
I said nothing of the sort.
Video games make you fat, Jake. It's a fact.
Cabbage Patch Kids don't make you fat.
No, no, no.
Dad, you said I could have one, too.
Nu, nu am făcut-o. Ei bine, bine, am făcut-o.
Dar am crezut că este o marcă de instrumente asiatică, precum Makita.
Știi ce? Ar trebui să te joci afară.
Evan Olsen aproape că a degerat din cauza jocului afară.
Aproape că și-a pierdut degetul mic de la picior.
Olsen sunt stoc slab.
Fără Nintendo în casa mea.
Eu secundez asta.
Eu trei, și asta face o majoritate.
Se pare că nu merge pe 'Tendo.
E amuzantă, John.
Cel mai bun copil din toate timpurile.
Și tocmai așa, a dispărut.
Nu am primit niciodată propriul meu Nintendo.
Viața mea se terminase.
Jake. Jake.
Haide. Trebuie să te concentrezi, omule.
Părinții lui au spus că nu poate obține un Nintendo aseară.
Când părinții mei au spus nu, am fost atât de supărat,
Am început să le spun pe prenumele lor.
Bine, ei bine, canalizăm acea furie în a-l doborî pe Jagorski.
Da!
Să mergem!
În fiecare zi înainte de școală, ne adunam,
din motive necunoscute, să fie lovit de Jagorski
în jocul Regele Muntelui.
Muntele meu! A mea!
Nu a fost niciodată destul de sigur ce notă Josh „Regele Muntelui” Jagorski
a fost de fapt înscris la,
ca marea majoritate a timpului său
a fost petrecut în astfel de districte străine precum biroul directorului,
și cutia frigiderului pentru băuturi pentru adulți de la benzinărie.
La revedere.
Da! Haide!
Miroase ca tatăl meu după ce exersează chitara în garaj.
Cine vrea o bucată
din acest tort delicios cu căpșuni?
Asta este. Să mergem!
- De ce acum? - Chiar trebuie?
Haide!
Vino aici!
Să mergem! Să mergem! Hai! Hai! Hai!
Haide!
Oh nu!
Da!
Haide.
Ce zici de o spălare frumoasă, Doyle?
Da!
Îl urăsc pe tipul ăla!
Și eu.
Gândește-te doar la Power Glove, omule.
Ce? Ce mănușă de putere?
Nu i-ai spus?
- Credeam că i-ai spus. - Nu.
Mănușa de putere. Keane a primit unul aseară.
În nici un caz!
- Da, aşa. - Adevărat.
- Minunat! - Uite, deja exersează.
Grozav!
Psih!
Mergem cu toții la el acasă după școală să ne jucăm.
O să ne lase să intrăm?
Trebuie să-l mituim cu cadouri, dar da.
Cine mai știe?
Doar noi.
Bine...
și Fermierul.
Grozav. Fermierul știe. Secretul este în siguranță.
Mănușă de putere! Mănușă de putere!
Nu am spus nimic nimănui, jur pe Dumnezeu.
Bine, bine. Poate Meg Platt, Steve Dybsky,
cursul meu de gimnastică din a doua perioadă, antrenorul Wallach, dar asta e tot.
Haide, fermier. Acum nu vom intra niciodată.
Am o mănușă de putere la mine acasă.
Unchiul meu lucrează la compania de carton...
Nu ai unul, fermier.
Nu, eu nu.
Nu cred că nimeni din Chicago are încă unul în afară de Keane.
El iese!
Mănușă de putere! Mănușă de putere! Mănușă de putere!
Asta e atât de prost.
Doar fă-o.
Mănușă de putere! Mănușă de putere! Mănușă de putere!
♪ Țin pentru un erou până la sfârșitul nopții ♪
♪ Trebuie să fie puternic și trebuie să fie rapid ♪
♪ Și trebuie să fie proaspăt de la luptă ♪
♪ Am nevoie de un erou ♪
Da, Keane, da!
A fost cea mai frumoasă piesă de mașinărie
Am pus vreodată ochii pe.
Lucrul a făcut ca mâna robotului lui Luke Skywalker să arate ca o jucărie Tinker.
Tăcere, copii ai Bataviei.
Și antrenor.
Ce mi-ai adus?
eu! eu! eu!
Am un pește auriu! Am un pește auriu!
Bani cash de negăsit!
Nu te bagi cu asta, omule.
Este un cârnați de vară. Este gourmet.
Este cel mai bun pe care l-am putut găsi.
Da-mi! Da-mi!
Unu!
Două! Trei!
Hei, am primit Sports Illustrated al tatălui meu.
Da. Patru. Da.
Roci lunare NASA?
Roci lunare? Nu.
Cârnați de vară!
- E a tatălui meu. Este gourmet. - Nu.
Am un pește auriu, Keane! Il vrei?
- Dar este un animal de companie bun. Este un peste. - Nu.
Fată bună, fată bună.
Preluați! Merge!
Stabiliți-vă, peoni.
domnilor.
Domnilor și fata Hodges.
Iată mănușa de putere...
în toate ei...
putere.
Timmy Keane, jurnal de vis.
Am avut din nou visul despre Tammy Hodges.
Ea era pe un cal alb, eu pe plajă.
- Nu știu ce înseamnă asta. - Opreste-l!
- Timmy, ai jammi-urile pe tine? - Mamă, pleacă de aici!
Bine.
- Nimeni nu a auzit asta. A intelege? - Da.
Iată...
puterea Mănușii Putere.
Ești gata, Hodges?
Apropo, nu toată lumea poate folosi aceste lucruri.
Trebuie să fii antrenat special în Taekwondo
care este ca karate-ul, dar doar mai scump.
Ce unealtă.
Oh omule. Asta a fost.
Mănușa de putere. În sfârșit.
Fiecare dintre noi din acel subsol știa că suntem pe cale să asistăm la istorie.
Simțiți mănușa.
M-am simțit ca un izotoner.
Așa lovești cu adevărat cu putere.
- Haide. - Oh!
- Du-te, Tammy! - Du-te, Tammy, ia-l, ia-l!
Bum! Poți să renunți acum.
nu. Cred că în schimb voi câștiga.
Da, Tammy!
Ia-l, Tammy! Prinde-l!
Vai!
Haide!
Muncă!
Am crezut că doar își scoate scuze, fiind un învins îngrozitor.
Dar mai târziu ne-am dat seama de o groază care ne-a definit generația.
Mănușa de putere a fost nasol.
Mănușa asta e nasol!
Bună! Bună!
Haide, eliberează-ți puterea!
Da da!
Nu functioneaza! Haide!
Tace-l!
Da!
Mami, Tammy a înșelat!
E nasol să pierzi... pentru o fată.
Ooh!
Poate a fost mănușa.
Spune-le, Keane!
Poate a fost melodia.
Toca, toca, toca!
Hai karate, Keane!
Poate pentru că era un idiot.
Dar Timmy Keane și-a pierdut mințile în acea zi.
Du-te, Keane, du-te! Taekwondo!
Vrea cineva ceva Tang?
Tocmai am făcut un lot.
O marmură înfiptă într-o nară...
spulberând vaza antică a mamei.
Picnicuri în parcul nenorocit în comparație cu asta.
Căci acolo, culcat sub greutate
a unui televizor distrus de 42 de inchi...
era un câine mort.
Ce?
Moare câinele?
Există un câine mort în povestea asta?
Hei, ce pot să-ți spun? Erau anii '80.
Lucrurile au devenit reale.
Credeam că ai spus că ești foarte sigur în anii '80?
A fost un deceniu complicat.
Te inventezi toate astea?
Nu. Nu. În niciun caz.
Bine, bine...
ce s-a întâmplat mai departe la subsol?
Adică, chiar nu-mi pasă. Dar...
Ce-ai făcut?
Am făcut ceea ce fac orice copii raționali, grijulii și responsabili
ar fi făcut în poziția noastră.
Alerga!
De ce aleargă toată lumea?
Hai! Hai! Hai!
- Ce se întâmplă? -Trebuie să plecăm de aici!
Ce se întâmplă? Ce se întâmplă?
- Sunetul tuturor acelor oase care se sparg... - Ce vrei să spui, „oase”?
S-a terminat jocul la Keane! Doar pleaca! Merge! Merge! Merge!
Merge!
A fost sfârșitul Nintendo la Keane's așa cum îl știam noi.
Atâtea gânduri mi-au trecut prin cap.
As fi arestat? Aș merge la închisoare?
Sau mai rău, aș juca vreodată Nintendo din nou?
Va fi zăpadă, zăpadă, zăpadă.
Zăpadă!
Avem o mașină de tuns nord-vest care iese
- din partea de sud a lacului Michigan. - Da!
Dumnezeu să-l binecuvânteze.
Și de Crăciun este perfect.
Nu pot citi scrisul lui Jenny Jablecki despre asta, mamă.
Dacă există o inimă peste „eu”...
marchează greșit și mergi mai departe.
Vom avea o zi de zăpadă astăzi?
Nu vreau ca nimeni de aici să-și crească speranțele.
Probabil că nu se va întâmpla.
Nu vreau să se enerveze nimeni, bine?
În istoria orașului Batavia, Illinois,
nu fusese niciodată o zi de zăpadă.
Nici unul singur.
Ar putea fi 20 mai jos cu un atac sovietic pe drum
- și încă am avea școală. - Tocmai am introdus asta.
În județul Kane, școlile sunt închise după cum urmează...
- Haide! - Geneva,
- Haide! - Elburn...
- Haide! - South Elgin,
Aurora de Nord și... atât.
- Prost! - Oh nu!
Maria a lui Dumnezeu!
V-am spus să nu vă creați speranțe.
- Ești bine, mamă? - În regulă. Trebuie să mănânci ceva.
- Aici. - Acesta este înghețat.
Da, pune-l sub axile timp de două minute, se va dezgheța.
Băieți, paltoane, mănuși. Ce facem?
Jake, nu-ți uita cizmele.
Da. Nu-ți uita cizmele, Jake.
Mama mea, într-o criză de nebunie cu sarcini multiple, rece, indusă de cupon,
îmi cumpărase accidental cizme de fetiță.
Pe atunci, erau o condamnare la moarte.
Ar trebui să remarc că erau, de asemenea, înflorate și franțuzești.
Ce vrei să spui, „ghete de fată”?
Parcă se potrivesc doar picioarelor fetelor?
Nu, erau doar violet.
Asa de?
Pe atunci, oamenii erau mai aproape de modă.
Și orice altceva.
Ooh, drăguță.
Știați că Esprit înseamnă „cool” în franceză?
- Într-adevăr? -Nu.
Doar dă-te înainte, voi ajunge din urmă.
Dacă mă răpește cineva?
Te vor întoarce în cinci minute.
Nu ar trebui să faci asta.
Așteaptă o secundă și taci.
Ai spus o înjurătură.
Am multe în minte, Lizzy.
Și eu am multe în minte.
Haide. Să mergem.
Să mergem.
Se numește Sistemul Decimal Dewey.
Dreapta. Aceasta este o abilitate de viață, oameni, ca cursiva.
Când ești adult și vrei să cauți ceva foarte repede,
vei fi foarte fericit că ai învățat asta astăzi. Bine.
Tot ce va trebui să faci este să mergi la bibliotecă.
Pune-ți paltoanele și cizmele, mai departe...
Am vorbit cu Keane. Câinele nu e mort.
Câinele nu e mort?
Nu, tocmai s-a rupt trei picioare și câteva coaste. Este pe suport de viață.
Totuși, se va recupera complet. Dreapta?
Nu m-aș baza pe asta.
Televizorul acela a aterizat pe ea ca pe o casă de vrăjitoare.
Dar până la urmă va fi ca și cum nimic nu s-ar fi întâmplat.
Fizic, poate. Dar mental, ea nu va mai fi niciodată la fel.
Ai noroc că nu l-ai văzut, Olsen. Ai fi vomitat.
Vomează doar de la SpaghettiOs. Este o afecțiune medicală.
El este într-adevăr Shackletonul bibliotecarilor.
Și nu sunt singurul care crede asta, apropo.
Stai, deci asta înseamnă că Nintendo a revenit?
- Devine puțin mai specific. - Nu.
Tatăl lui Keane a luat-o. Chiar sa terminat.
Ați auzit băieți?
Loyal Ranger Scouts oferă o Nintendo în acest an.
Cine vinde cele mai multe coroane la concursul de vânzare de coroane primește una.
- În nici un caz. - Da, aşa. Mi-a spus un elev de clasa a VI-a.
Același elev de clasa a șasea care ți-a spus că au fost probe
pentru echipa A? Da, sigur.
Nu. A fost o minciună. Acesta este real.
Vom avea nevoie de niște dovezi solide, Farmer.
- Jake Doyle. - Nu?
Aveți ceva pe care ați dori să împărtășiți cu restul clasei?
Nu.
Să nu crezi că nu te-am urmărit, Jake.
Ești singurul aici cu pantofi umezi.
Acum, știi regulile. Fără cizme, fără pauză.
- Dar... - Mă aștept să te văd în cizme la pauză,
sau numele tău apare pe tablă...
cu un cec.
Deci, ce va fi, domnule Doyle?
Cizme...
sau un cec?
Hai! Hai! Hai!
- Prinde-l. Ieși acolo. Prinde-l. - Nu.
Își schimbă culorile când îl lins.
Connor Stump
a fost de departe cel mai ciudat copil de la școală.
Întotdeauna purta un reportofon
iar prânzul lui era aproape exclusiv ton.
Ți-ai pus vreodată șosete și pantofi pe mâini și te-ai târât în ​​jur?
Sunt doar eu, Connor. Nu sunt chiar un leu.
- Jake, haide, ești în echipa noastră. - Să mergem. Alinia.
Doar joacă-te fără mine.
Ce faci acolo?
Ooh, există din nou o veveriță moartă?
Este totul blănos și înghețat?
Omule.
Porți cizmele lui Katie Sorrentino.
Sunt ai mei.
Mama ta folosește din nou un cupon?
Hai să mergem, Trotter, iubito.
Da, trebuie să te scoatem de aici.
Dacă Jagorski te vede, te va ucide.
Hei. ce esti...
Porți cizmele lui Katie Sorrentino.
Sunt ai mei.
Asta e! Vin acolo.
Nu Nu! Ce fac? Ce fac?
Are cineva niște bomboane sau o revistă de nuduri sau așa ceva?
Îi spun dibs dacă e o veveriță moartă acolo din nou.
Cred că ne-am luat aici o pereche de cizme de fetiță.
În mod dureros, mintea mi-a răsturnat
Rolodexul pedepsei pe care urma să-l suport.
Săptămâni de wedgies, vârtej, picioare moarte.
Am vrut să lovesc un pumn în fața unui copil până s-a transformat atât de rău în Kool-Aid
si nu am avut ocazia... pana acum.
- Ce se întâmplă, nenorocite? - Salut!
Ce mai fac Patru Ochi?
- Dar apoi, am auzit vocea unui înger. - Băieți, am dovezi!
Baieti! Baieti!
Se spune chiar aici! Este într-adevăr o Nintendo!
Este doar o poză cu o coroană proastă.
Trebuie să o citești.
„Primul premiu din acest an este un Nintendo Entertainment System nou-nouț.”
O să te omor.
La mai puțin de 30 de minute după soneria finală a școlii
Eram îmbrăcat în rochia mea verde și pe drum...
imaginând hectarele pădurii de pini din Alaska
trebuia să acopere cantitatea de coroane pe care urma să o vând.
Și am avut argumentul meu de vânzări planificat.
„Sunt alături de Loyal Ranger Scouts, doamnă, și fără ajutorul dumneavoastră
mii de băieți pot deveni dependenți de droguri și comuniști”.
- Ce? - Ce?
Ce? Ce vrei?
Salut. Numele meu este...
Aștepta. Nu încerci să-mi vinzi ceva, nu-i așa?
Vrei să cumperi o coroană?
Ce, ai un handicap de învățare sau așa ceva?
Stai, nu prea ai un handicap de învățare, nu-i așa?
Bun. Mamă, copilul ăsta crede că coroana ta este nasolă!
Oh.
Hei, Doyle. Trebuie să mă uit la semnele alea „fără avocat”.
Ce cauți aici, fermier?
Stricându-ți viața.
Nu poți vinde coroane aici.
Crezi că există reguli aici, Doyle? Nu sunt reguli.
Nintendo e al meu.
- Am vândut deja 67 de coroane. - La care?
Oameni. Mama ta.
Ești plin de asta, fermier.
Buna, domnisoara. Speram că mama ta era acasă.
Trebuie să vorbesc cu un adult din casă.
Și am menționat cât de mult îmi place puloverul tău?
Peste tot orașul, băieții în verde băteau pe trotuare
în numere record,
totul în numele Nintendo.
Se născuse un roi de Gordon Gekkos cu nasul muci.
Crăciun fericit, doamnă. Vrei să cumperi o coroană de flori?
Bună ziua, doamnă. E sezonul.
Crăciun fericit, domnule. Crezi că Die Hard este un film de Crăciun?
Uită-te la asta, e deja treizeci de coroane?
Unu...
„Coroane de Crăciun de brad Douglas”. Doar spune-o!
De ce nu o spui pur și simplu?
Pentru că nu sunt în proștii Ranger Scouts, pentru că nu sunt un băiat prost.
Și fiecare copil a fost pentru ei înșiși.
Copii care nici măcar nu erau în Ranger Scouts intrau în acțiune.
Nu voi accepta un nu ca răspuns!
Aceasta este prima regulă a vânzării! Prima regulă!
Până și eu mă pricepeam la asta.
Oh, ești aici să-mi dai cu lopata mersul?
Nu, sunt aici să vând coroane de Crăciun.
Bine. Um, lasă-mă să văd.
Portofelul meu e în mașină.
Vrei ca eu să...
Scoateți-mi mașina, ca să pot ajunge la ea. Ar fi grozav.
O, voi lua lopata.
Acceleratorul de particule Tevatron de la Fermilabs, primesc mai multe titluri.
Dar dacă mă întrebi pe mine...
cea mai valoroasă resursă locală pe care o avem și astăzi
sunt profesorii noștri.
Crăciun fericit, doamnă Doyle.
Crăciun fericit, Jeff.
Rămâi frumoasă, Kath.
Ea a spus că i-am amintit de tine.
Ne vedem mai târziu, Jake.
Trebuia să fie Farmer?
Mi-a oferit o afacere sinceră la un preț onest.
Nu e nimic sincer la el!
E un mincinos patologic!
Oh, am crezut că este un băiat drăguț.
Acestea sunt pentru mama ta.
Mama ar vrea să am unul.
Nici nu știam că vindeți coroane anul acesta.
Îi pasă doar acum pentru că ei dau un Nin...
Noapte în Chicago.
Da. Acesta este un nou premiu.
La un hotel, cred, în centru?
Acesta este un premiu deosebit pentru un copil de 11 ani.
Acesta este un premiu deosebit.
Nu crezi că asta e ciudat, tată?
Dumnezeu să-l binecuvânteze. Unde naiba este?
Capul Phillips este în vasul cu unt.
Nu, asta nu este.
Știi ce, Jake? Dacă vrei să câștigi acel premiu,
trebuie să faci ceea ce le spun copiilor mei în clasă în fiecare zi.
Faceți ca un aspirator.
Suge-l și fă treaba.
Ce căutați?
Cârnatul meu gurmand.
Cum naiba pierzi un cârnați?
Cina este servită.
Am vrut să-l mănânc la cină.
Luăm salate.
De aceea am vrut să mănânc cârnatul.
Ei bine, poate Elwood a mâncat-o, tată.
Pentru că, adică, a făcut caca atât de mult în ultima vreme.
El are, nu-i așa?
Știi de unde știu asta?
Pentru că încă nu a fost ridicat.
Uh, a nins.
Hei, asta nu e o scuză, bine?
Mâine dimineață, tu, lopata aceea, curtea din spate.
Nu, ar trebui să vând coroane de flori toată ziua mâine.
Ei bine, păcat. Și nu mai spune „total”.
Nu e corect.
Hei, dacă viața ar fi corectă,
ar fi... un târg.
Bine? Dar eu nu...
I don't see any carnival rides around here, do you?
Hmm.
You just made that up, didn't you?
No, I didn't.
It's an old saying.
Listen!
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...
from thou thy bounty, to Jesus Christ's name...
- he is great. - Amen.
I was convinced Elwood had pooped more times than any other dog
in the history of the world.
Our yard looked like a vanilla cake
that someone dumped an entire bag of chocolate chips onto.
What's Lizzy doing? She can't help?
You wanted the dog, you pick up after it.
You got the dog before I was born.
Who wanted the dog is irrelevant, Jake. Just pick up the dang poop.
Come here.
All right. Take a deep breath.
Go ahead.
You smell that?
- Poo? -No!
Fresh air!
That's all we had, and we loved it.
When I was your age, we didn't have Nintendos.
You know what we did?
Built forts in the woods.
We'd gather up old lumber and siding
and whatever we could find we'd build, like,
watchtowers and rope ladders...
Trapdoors?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we built trapdoors, too.
- Cool. - Yeah, it was cool.
Yeah, we'd work on it all year round, too.
Kinda like the house?
Yeah. Kinda like the house.
Yeah.
Cry in a bucket, that dog poops a lot.
Yeah.
Hey.
Don't worry about behind the shed.
Just get the ones around the house, okay?
And then when you're done...
you can varnish these old hockey sticks.
Why?
Because they need to get done, that's why.
Come on, Dad.
You think I like paying taxes and talking to our neighbors?
No. But you gotta do it.
I don't like doing that stuff!
Careful with the varnish.
"Careful with the varnish." What am I gonna do? Drink it?
I know how to be careful.
We need to talk.
What are you doing in my room?
I need...
Did Elwood diarrhea on you?
It's varnish. What do you want?
I need your help.
With what?
Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid.
Santa didn't get me a She-Ra last year, so I can't trust him.
I gotta go through Mom and Dad.
So what do you need me for?
I need you to drop hints for them to get me one.
No way. Why would I wanna help you?
Now, I want a redhead named Abrona Fiona with freckles and a...
Why do you want a dumb doll so bad?
Because I've always wanted a sister. Stop interrupting me.
It looks bad if I'm talking about it all the time to Mom and Dad.
We need a subtle attack, and we gotta act fast.
What are you gonna do for me?
Tell you how to win a Nintendo.
You don't know how to win a Nintendo.
Okay, never mind.
Wait.
How can I win it?
You promise to help me get a Cabbage Patch Kid?
Yeah, sure.
Promise?
Yes, I promise already.
Okay. You sold two wreaths to Miss Sherman yesterday, right?
How do you know that?
Don't worry about it.
She bought a lot because she's old, right?
Old people buy stuff from kids.
So what you need are a bunch of old people all in one place
so you don't have to track them all down.
What's your point?
Prairie Pines, the nursing home.
Two hundred old people,
each with their own door,
perfect for wreath-hanging.
Wow.
That's...
That's a really good idea.
I know. So we got a deal, or what?
Yeah.
A redhead with freckles. Don't mess it up.
I'll be watching you.
Prairie Pines nursing home didn't know what was about to hit them.
"Suck it up. Do the work."
Hi, everybody.
- Hi. - Do you like blues?
Hi! You look just like my grandson.
Oh, let me see those cheeks.
But it turned out, I didn't know what was about to hit me.
Because the World's Fair was here...
and we were celebrating the city's centennial.
You see, Chicago was founded in 1833.
That makes it 100 years to 1933.
Hold on.
It's what he would've wanted.
It took six hours and ten cups of pudding,
but I managed to sell a whopping 47 wreaths to the nursing home.
All thanks to Lizzy.
Hey, Mom.
Did you know that this mall has the largest selection
of Cabbage Patch Kids in all of Chicago?
I didn't know that, no.
Which is good, 'cause they're really flying off the shelves.
He doesn't want a Cabbage Patch Kid now, does he?
- No idea. - Odd. But who knows with these two?
Hey! What're you doing?
Yeah, Wisconsin plates. Shocker.
- Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. - Okay. All right, John...
He's jerking the wheel like he's milking a cow.
Ah, yes. The annual Doyle Chicago shopping trip.
Also known as my dad's least favorite
and most expensive day of the year.
You know what I love when you wear?
- What? - Turtlenecks.
Ah.
It's gonna be so cold in Minnesota when we get to my parents' house,
I feel like we should definitely try on a few today.
Yeah, well, turtlenecks, your parents, it's great.
So, yes?
Look at this idiot.
What're you doing?
Hey! You beeping at me?
Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles.
Miles Davis, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry.
Can we turn on the Christmas carols?
No! No Christmas carols.
Steely Dan. Listen to this. This is good stuff.
Year-round.
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas
- ♪ And a happy New Year ♪ - Elves!
- Hey. Creep me out. - Breathe, John. You have to breathe.
No, it's like a grown man acting that chipper, it's not natural.
-♪ And a happy New...♪ - Back off, Jack!
Sorry.
- Have some self-respect. Jesus. - You have to calm down.
Why are we walking so fast?
Everybody, no bathroom breaks, okay?
You had your chance at home. Do not test me.
God, why is it so hot in here?
We're not stopping for Santa yet, guys, okay?
Hey, is there a bar at the food court?
John, it's barely noon.
Okay, we got Barb her candles, we got the two-for-one turtlenecks...
- Mom, look, there's the Cabbage Patch store. - What are we missing?
- Can we go, Mom? - Yes,
honey, go on. Lead the way.
Hey, Mom. Did you know
that Cabbage Patch Kids come with their own birth certificates?
Thought all you cared about was selling wreaths.
Since when are you so interested in Cabbage Patch Kids?
Lizzy really wants one.
Well, they're very expensive, honey, and they're very hard to find.
Sold out in 20 minutes.
Last Patch in all of Chicago.
You should've seen it. It was ugly.
One woman punched a grandma right in the throat.
Same family, too.
Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay.
You know, I saw some really nice Care Bears on the way in.
Care Bears are for babies.
Oh.
Poor little Lizzy.
It kinda made you wanna go over there and wipe her tears
and give her a big...
Hold on a second.
Hello, Jake.
Who said that?
You know who.
Nintendo?
That's right. Come over here.
I've missed you, Jake.
Hey, Jake. Your dad and I are gonna go upstairs
to get the Fenelons a gift.
Why? They haven't given us anything.
Stay down here with the toys and watch your sister, okay?
Jake.
- Jake. -Huh?
Watch your sister.
Yeah.
That's it. Come over here, Jake.
You know you want to.
What am I gonna do about my Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake?
Forget your sister, Jake. She's useless.
You should be worried about the wreaths.
Have you sold enough wreaths?
I'll do anything to be with you.
Who're you talking to?
We need a new plan.
Jake? Jake?
Do you know how many games I have here, Jake?
I have all the games.
Way more than Timmy Keane.
What game would you like to play?
Joust.
Pick another one. I don't have that one.
Super Mario Bros.
- Pick another one. - Defender.
Hmm, how about Rampage?
It's loaded up right now.
Cool. I'll do anything you say.
Very good. Yes.
You're such a good boy, Jake.
I can tell, you've got what it takes.
You really think so?
No. I know so.
Maybe it was the excitement of the display,
or just the thrill of playing in public,
but for some reason, I started playing the game of my life.
Dude, you're on fire.
All other distractions became irrelevant.
My senses had reached a higher state.
I'd become one with Nintendo.
Yeah!
Yes, yes. You were born for this moment.
Whoa! You're amazing!
What's your name, man?
Go ahead. Tell them your name, Jake.
Say it.
Jake Doyle!
Jake Doyle. Nintendo master.
Jake! Jake! Jake!
Before I knew it, the entire mall was chanting my name.
This was why I needed a Nintendo.
This was my destiny.
Nothing could stop me now.
Jake! Jake!
Jake Stephan Doyle!
Where is your sister?
What's wrong with you?
- Lizzy! - Elizabeth!
You're a dead man, bro.
Lizzy!
Lizzy! Lizzy!
Lizzy!
Forget about her, Jake. She's gone.
Shut up, Nintendo! This is your fault!
How do you get into homes that don't have chimneys?
The back door.
What if it's an apartment with no back door?
The front door.
So you know how to pick locks?
That's me.
Do you know that's a felony?
Mom! She's over here! I found her!
God, Lizzy!
Oh, my God!
Mom, they might still have Cabbage Patch Kids at the North Pole.
Even ones with red hair.
Lizzy, we told you to stay with Jake.
He was playing the Nintendo.
God bless it, Jake!
Are you okay?
You start playing those games
your brains turn to mush in, like, three minutes.
That's your sister!
It's not like losing your retainer!
Hold on.
Five bags here, John. Hold on.
Open your mouth.
- John. - What?
- Where's the Marshall Field's bag? - Hey!
- Jake! - Your turtleneck's in it, John!
Jake!
The actual cost of my retainer had been explained to me
in the simple terms of, "If you lose it, don't bother coming home."
Jake!
- Hey! - Jake!
Move! Jake!
I figured it cost roughly as much as a new car.
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
Jake!
Whoa!
Jake! Ha!
♪ Six geese a-laying ♪
♪ Five... ♪
♪ Golden... ♪
No, wait! What...
Of course! Packer fans.
Oh, my God.
Hey!
Safe. Retainer retained.
Okay.
You let the girls get punched!
The best part of the shopping trip
besides not losing my retainer or my sister
was that it turns out there's a secret part of the mall
where old people sit by the piano.
I sold 22 more wreaths that day.
How many you got, Jake?
Um, 93.
You're selling wreaths, too?
What's a wreath?
Enough with the dee-doos, for crying out loud,
I'm trying to listen to this.
And stop fiddling with the hand plane.
This is not a toy. See?
It's sharp.
Konroyd over to Larmer. Larmer circling.
And has his pocket picked by Shane Corson...
You know...
If you want, sometime, maybe I can...
teach you how to use some of those.
I kinda got a lot going on, Dad.
Ah... right.
He dishes back to Larmer. Larmer down the near side,
over to Savard...
He shoots, he scores!
- Yes! -Denis Savard!
- Hawks now leading with one! -Yeah, baby!
And Claude Lemieux is still jawing away.
Quit your crying, Claude.
Yeah, you're all talk, no walk.
Remember that, Jake. Okay?
A bully like Claude Lemieux is not worth a hill of beans.
He's all talk, no walk.
Why are we under this bridge, Dad?
Talk to a guy about the Cabbage Patch Kids.
You know what they look like, right?
Why does Lizzy get to get what she wants,
but I can't get what I want?
Do you wanna deal with your sister
if she doesn't get what she wants?
- No. - Exactly.
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
So you just give them what they want?
Yeah. You kidding?
Okay. That's him.
Let me do all the talking. Okay?
This feels kinda scary, Dad.
Here, I'll take the handsaw.
Come on. Come on!
Can I help you boys?
Yeah.
Word is that you've...
come into a little cabbage?
Officer, please. I'm just standing here.
I thought maybe you two needed directions, so...
Relax, I'm not a cop.
What about 21 Jump Street over here?
He's not a cop.
Come on, man. He's 11.
Yeah, I don't know that.
I mean, cops are crazy. You ever see RoboCop?
That dude's half cop and half robot.
You ever see that movie?
My mom wouldn't let me.
But my friend, Mikey Trotter, saw it.
Oh...
Yeah. He's good. You're good.
He's not a cop, all right? Now, come on.
Are you gonna sell us a black-market Cabbage Patch Kid, or what?
Step into my office.
You boys need anything else while you're here?
Some Pound Puppies? Kidney? Nintendo?
No, just the doll.
We're gonna need a girl one.
A redhead with freckles.
Best Patch in the Tri-City.
Yeah, that looks good.
Yeah, does look good.
So what, are you two having a father-son day? Yeah?
Something like that? Yeah?
Need a third?
Nah, I'm kidding.
I do miss my dad... A lot.
Hey, this redhead doesn't have any freckles.
Yeah, no, the blond one's got freckles.
- All right, how much? - $100.
One hundred? No.
Yeah, where else you gonna go?
Every store from Wheaton to Winnetka's out.
Sixty bucks.
I got the name of two brothers up in Villa Park selling them for $50.
You know what? We can go up there right now.
Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers. No, no, no.
You do not want any of their bald-headed junk.
Seventy. Last offer.
Oh, I can't say no to that face.
All right. $70.
- Comes with a birth certificate. - Wow!
- Dad, that's... - Signed right on the derriere.
Thanks.
Can we ask about the Nintendo?
I got him down from $100. Can you believe that?
Lizzy's gonna love it.
Did it bother me that my dad went to
Herculean lengths to get my sister a present?
Sorta.
But I was gonna get one on my own.
Gentlemen.
Look deeply into your candle's flame.
Stare at its dancing light.
Now, close your eyes.
What do you see?
You see the flame, gentlemen.
It burns even when your eyes are closed
because we know that even when we blow these candles out...
the Loyal Ranger Scout flame will never fade.
Okay.
But I thought Loyal Ranger Scouts were for boys.
And scouts are supposed to have honor,
yet you're still here.
Lots to get through tonight, gents.
We've got the Pinewood Derby,
the Loyalty Day parade... Oh...
I got another 'Nam poem for you entitled "A Tie is Not a Loss."
Get to the wreaths, Halberg!
- I'm sorry? - The door necklaces.
Are you even in this troop?
Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths!
Okay. Okay! We'll do the wreaths!
Okay. Calm down.
Now...
I know you've all been selling very hard this year
so we've done our best to make sure that these prizes...
are special.
Oh-ho! Look at that!
First prize looked even bigger than a normal NES system.
Who knew what other Nintendo treasures were under there?
Told you it came with a free Power Pad.
Okay.
In third place...
Jeffery Farmer!
Nobody cares about third place.
Considering Farmer's constant claims to victory,
this was a delight to us all.
Anybody had a chance now.
"Subscription to Boys' Life."
Yes!
I grew up on that magazine.
Great articles.
And in second place...
an amazing showing...
Teddy Hodges!
No!
Sadly, the combined totals of the Hodges twins
were only good enough for silver.
It's a globe of the whole world!
All of it!
There was no second place when it came to Nintendo.
And now...
- This is it, this is it! - this year's first prize winner
of the wreath-selling contest.
The highest sales total in troop history...
Jake Doyle!
I won!
You can put it on the board! Yes!
Oh, so many people to thank.
My friends, my family, the Nintendo Corporation...
Yes!
This year's first prize...
the best we've had in years...
- Are you ready, Jake? - Yeah.
A brand-new set of World Book encyclopedias!
What?
It was like winning more school.
No!
Where is it?
- I hate you, Halberg! - God.
It didn't make any sense. Why?
Why had the troop leaders promised us toys, and then give us books?
Who could possibly be behind something so terrible?
So awful, so villainous?
Dr. Timothy Keane Senior, that's who.
Parents of Batavia, good evening.
- Hi. - Little did we know,
the night before the wreath award ceremony,
Dr. Keane had assembled a meeting
with the express purpose of ruining our lives.
There was an incident in my home recently.
A member of the Keane family, Lacy Dog Keane...
was crushed to near death by our 42-inch television set.
42-inch, that's a really nice television set.
John.
Now I certainly do not blame my boy, Timmy,
who is a gifted, generous young man,
who has recently been diagnosed with something called...
"Attention Deficit..."
Blah, blah, blah. Whatever.
It's very serious...
and it's extremely rare.
So rare.
I love you.
Could I have the lights, please?
Ladies and gentlemen...
the real culprit of this dog-crippling crime...
is video games.
Video games did this.
And this.
Oh.
It's the same slide.
I meant, and this.
- Still same slide. - God damn it!
Timmy dumped cheese in here again.
You know you can't give him cheese, Janice. You know this.
Pookie.
And this.
The question is, Ladies and gentlemen...
Is that a dog?
What are we prepared to do about it?
We should ban it!
- Ban it! - Ban it! Ban it!
No more dogs are getting crushed in my town! No more.
- We must protect our dogs. - Yes.
We must protect our community!
Yes!
It's modern technology taking over our lives.
It's only gonna get worse. It's all gonna go downhill from here!
- That's right. -We've gotta stop it!
We've gotta burn it all, burn it all to the ground.
- Burn it. - Yeah.
Video game over! Video game over!
Let me hear you. Video game over! Louder.
Video game over! Video game over!
Let me hear you.
Bring it down now. Video game over.
Keane's panicked propaganda continued on
well into the night.
It was a virtual video game Armageddon.
- I can feel it! We're so close! - Video game over!
Video game over!
And there was nothing we could do about it.
No rabbit.
All those wreaths for nothing.
Did you know that Australia's chief export is coal briquettes?
We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin from Kane County.
Thank you, Walter. We're here live in Geneva
with video game violence activist Dr. Timothy Keane.
Dr. Keane, it's only eight shopping days now
until Christmas, and you've managed to pass
a county-wide ban on selling video game systems.
- Is that correct? - That is correct.
Every store in Kane County has agreed to it.
And you really feel that video games promote violence enough
to make them illegal?
Has your dog ever been crushed to near death by your TV?
No, she has not.
It's not a pretty sight. Parents need to know the truth.
These games are pure evil, and they've got to be stopped.
Video game over! Video game over!
- Video game over! - Video game over!
He's a podiatrist.
Sorry, Jake.
Knock it off, Lizzy.
No, I was being serious. I know how much you wanted one.
I had it.
It was mine.
But now...
I'll never get one.
Here. You can have the remote.
Thanks, Lizzy.
She gave you the remote?
I would never give Charlie the remote.
You must've been a wreck.
Duh. They banned Nintendo.
So, if Batavia banned Nintendo
and Grandma and Grandpa won't get you one...
and you're doing all these bad things, all the time...
- Not all the time. - Yes, all the time.
You're doing all these things, and no one will get it for you,
then how did you get it?
How did you get the Nintendo?
Okay, calm down.
Should we take a break? You wanna text Maeve...
No!
I wanna know what happens in the story.
You see, Annie...
sometimes during Christmas...
just when you think that all hope is lost...
something magical happens.
Some people call it a Christmas miracle.
Well, this miracle happened at the roller rink.
What's a roller rink?
Six days until Christmas and it was officially official.
None of us were getting a Nintendo.
My cousin in Elmhurst might get one still.
That's in Cook County.
DuPage County.
- How do you know? - I got encyclopedias.
Come on, guys. We still got each other.
Watch out!
- Sorry. - Objectively, I know that's hilarious
but I just don't have it in me to laugh right now.
It was the Hodges' birthday party.
The dreaded Christmas birthday.
Not only did the twins have to share a birthday between them,
they had to share it with Christmas to boot.
"Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. Love, Grandma."
What a rip-off.
"P.S. This gift is for you two to share."
- Fresh packs. Who wants to open? - Me!
- You got Chris Sabo. - Need it.
Need it. Got it. Need it.
You gonna eat your gum?
Ow!
Mmm...
Uh, I got a Ripken. Billy Ripken.
Who cares about Billy Ripken?
What?
What? What is it?
You guys are not gonna believe this.
Look! Right there! On his bat!
- Oh, my gosh! - A swear word.
That's a bad one.
- What does it say? - Don't read it out loud.
I'm not allowed to hear swear words.
"Swear word dash face."
Which swear word? A-face?
Mmm-mmm.
- S-face? - Mmm-mmm.
Wait. F-face?
Bingo.
It's an error card.
It's the greatest error card of all time!
Billy Ripken.
Ninety-five bucks!
Ninety-five dollars? You're a millionaire!
Yeah, Couple more of those, and you can buy your own Nintendo.
Guys...
I got it.
I don't get it.
What do you mean, you don't get it?
It's a very clear 15-point plan.
- I think you spelled "covert" wrong. - Okay.
The field trip is Monday at 0900 hours to Chicago.
- So? -So, they still sell Nintendos there.
So?
So, we sell some baseball cards,
get some money...
we sneak out of the field trip and buy our own Nintendo.
Oh, now I get it. But wait, how's that 15 steps?
That's like... three.
I don't know. We could get in trouble.
I can't get in trouble now. It's almost Christmas.
Forget Christmas.
This is bigger than Christmas.
This is our one and only chance to get a Nintendo.
One that we can play on our own.
We don't have to worry about taking our boots off,
or getting in line...
or any of that stuff.
We can totally do this!
- This is our Vietnam. - Yeah.
I don't think that means what you think it means.
I have no idea what it means.
But who's with me?
I'm in.
Check, check. Over.
We're in.
I'm in.
Nope.
- Forget it. - What?
Baseball cards, Farmer.
Come on! What's a guy gotta do?
Olsen?
We're gonna get in so much trouble.
One, two, three, Nintendo!
Got it!
Nice, Tammy.
Safe and secure.
Here we go!
Oh, no! Not Jagorski.
What's he gonna do?
I'll give you a hint.
Nothing good.
It's my favorite field trip. Off to the Art Institute.
- Duffle bag? - Check.
- Blanket? - Check. In the bag.
- Walkie-talkies? - Check.
Camouflage, check.
Not necessary, Farmer. But I like the spirit.
Personally, I prefer a woodland pattern,
you know, for urban combat.
I agree.
How are you feeling, Olsen?
Not good.
Perfect.
Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle.
I heard it's good for money management.
- That's ours! - Not anymore.
You can't do that!
Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?
Yeah. That's what I thought.
Your Nintendo's mine.
What up, Miss Hugo?
Oh, man. This is so bad.
I don't think it could get any worse.
Jake Doyle.
Where do you think you're going?
On the bus to the Art Institute?
Not like that.
No boots, no field trip.
At first, I thought, "Maybe no one will notice."
Hey, everybody! Jake Doyle's wearing girls' boots!
They're so pretty.
I have the same kind.
Reoccurring nightmares of Freddy Krueger and the '84 Cubs
quickly fell to the wayside.
It was a bad dream come to life.
Wow! Nice boots, Doyle.
Hey, why don't you come back and have a seat?
Hey, you wanna hear about my ant farm?
They're all dead. The uncles are still alive, though.
The entire plan hung in the balance.
And I was stuck next to a kid eating erasers like Tic Tacs.
Erasers are good. Do you want one?
- No. - All right.
♪ When you're Runnin' into first Then you feel a juicy burst ♪
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪
♪ When you're Sliding into third And you feel a juicy turd ♪
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪
♪ When you're sliding into home And your pants Are full of foam ♪
♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪
We're almost to the spot.
Olsen's getting nervous. What do we do?
I don't know.
Just initiate phase one and I'll think of something.
Okay.
What about the money?
Mrs. Hugo.
- Evan, what are you doing out of your seat? - I don't feel good.
Okay, I... We're gonna be...
Don't be scared of Jagorski, he's only big in size.
Think of something happy.
Tell me your favorite letters of the alphabet.
In order, mine are T, K, A, I, E...
O, U, Q, X.
Well, well, look at what we got here.
We gotta get the Nintendo now. I can...
Not listening to you, Doyle. The money's mine.
- We gotta go now, or... - Or else?
Are you gonna make me?
Go back and sit with your dork girlfriend
in your girl boots!
Are you gonna cry now?
And that's when it hit me.
Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo. He was a rebel.
He didn't care about being called names.
He didn't care about bullies, so why should I?
Nintendo or not,
Jagorski had been King of the Mountain for too long.
"I'm wearing feminine footwear.
"Why did I bring it to school?"
"My little mommy put flowers on my shoes!"
You're all talk, no walk, Jagorski.
You're not worth a hill of beans.
Wha... What does that mean?
It means you're just a sad little bully.
And if you don't give me back my Trapper Keeper right now
the only one crying is gonna be you,
buttface!
Now!
Okay, okay.
Okay.
And my mom got me these boots. And I hate them, too!
But I love my mom.
- I know, I... - Sit down.
Just tell me what it is. I mean, is it your stomach?
Do you actually think that maybe you could have...
Just sit down! Sit down, everybody, okay?
Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?
Get the alarm! Get the alarm!
Walkies.
Open the door!
All right, go, go, go!
Yippee-ki-yay, Doyle!
Red Dog, this is Blue Bird. Approaching the mall. Over.
Blue Bird, this is Rambo One.
- What happened to Red Dog? - I changed it.
We're allowed to change names now?
Let's just start over.
Rambo One, this is Millennium Falcon Super Cool.
Love it!
Approaching Michigan Avenue.
- Careful there, kid. It's slippery. - Thanks.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Coming through. Sorry.
Our testing had made it clear.
Two cans of SpaghettiOs in Olsen's stomach
equaled roughly nine minutes of vomit.
That was our window to buy a Nintendo
and make it back to the bus before Olsen ran out of puke.
Excuse me.
As long as I didn't run into any major obstacles
I figured I'd be good to go... Oh, God!
Video game over! Video game over!
Are you kidding me?
Rambo One, we have a problem.
What's the problem, Millennium Super whatever?
Your mom and Mrs. Keane are here.
- What? - I repeat, your mom
and Mrs. Keane are outside the store.
I can't get past them without them seeing me.
- Don't go in there. D -Don't go in that store.
Don't spend your money. Stay in school!
Get your mom under control, Trotter!
Darn it!
Jake, what are we gonna do?
I don't know. That's why I'm calling you.
Abort! Abort!
- No! - No.
No abort. We just need to get them out of the way.
Maybe we could page them over the intercom?
Tell them they have a call.
Guys, there's a payphone across the street.
Yes! Okay. How's Olsen? Give me a puke check.
Your poor little tummy...
Okay, feeling bad for you. I'm feeling very bad.
Okay!
Could I get some help here?
I knew I should've kept dancing in Vegas. Knew it.
He ate a whole bag of candy corn for breakfast.
- We should be good. - Okay, we can make it to the payphone, Jake.
But what do we say?
I don't know. Something good.
Something good like what?
I don't know! Make something up.
Did someone say "make something up"?
Paging Mrs. Trotter and Mrs. Keane
please come to the white courtesy phone.
You have an emergency phone call.
- I'm Mrs. Keane. - What's going on?
Oh, my gosh! An emergency?
Let's go.
I hope it's not Timmy.
He said something about stabbing our water bed this morning.
It worked!
Okay, I'm going in. Keep them on the phone.
Copy that.
Doing good.
Oh, hey, here it is.
- Hello? - Hello, Mrs. Trotter.
- No. - I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right.
- Who is this? - This is your nephew.
I don't have a nephew.
I know you don't have a nephew. That's exactly why I'm calling.
I'm with the International Nieces and Nephews Collective.
The International Nieces and Nephews Collective?
- That's right. - What's that?
Well, we're based in Canada.
- Oh, you are, eh? Hi. - Canada.
Four minutes, Super Falcon. You got this.
- That doesn't make any sense. -Makes perfect sense if you think about it.
You don't have a nephew, you would like a nephew,
the Collective is here to help.
- Can you make any sense of this? - Sure.
- Uh, hello? - Hello?
I just wanted you to know making prank calls is very wrong.
Super Cool, come in. Farmer's losing them.
You've gotta hurry.
- Where's your sister, Jake? - Shut up, Nintendo.
And it's also against the law.
You wanna know what else would be criminal?
Letting your son go another holiday season
without experiencing the joys of sponsoring an adopted cousin.
We're just trying to spread joy to the world.
Aw.
That makes sense.
- That's nice. - Yeah.
She bought it. Someone believed me.
I can hear you.
Sorry, ma'am, but this is a matter of national security.
All right. You're feeling better?
Can we go back in the bus now?
Yeah, he's dry heaving. You're good.
Olsen is dry! Repeat! We are out of puke!
- And I'm your nephew. - Okay. You know what?
I think now you're starting to mock me and this is harassment.
- Good bye. - Hello?
Hello?
Drat!
I lost them, I lost them, I lost them.
And Farmer is off the phone.
Repeat. Farmer's off the phone.
Look out for Keane and my mom.
- I don't understand either. - Was it a survey?
Excuse me.
Oh, God.
I got past them, I'm in the clear!
The bus is moving, Jake.
The stoplight is still the rendezvous. You're gonna make it.
This was it. This was it.
Victory was mine. I could taste it.
Yes. Yes.
No!
That can't be good.
Damn.
So, you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas.
Ain't gonna lie. That's a tough one, kid.
You could give me the Nintendo you have in your trunk.
I said you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas this year.
One year, for Christmas, when I was a kid,
know what I wanted? I wanted a donkey.
A donkey. Can you believe that?
Yeah. Be kind of a weird thing to make up.
Well, I did.
All November, all December, that's all I could think about.
All I could talk about.
Donkey this, donkey that. How am I gonna get this donkey?
And guess what happened Christmas morning?
- You got a donkey? - No.
Who gets a donkey?
No. I...
No. I realized that I spent the whole Christmas season
worrying about something I wanted
and I stopped appreciating what I already had.
Was it like a hamster or dog or something?
No, my family. My life.
You know, you only get so many Christmases, kid.
You gotta make them count.
Hey, I bet you haven't even told somebody "Merry Christmas" this year, have you?
All right, come on, get up. I'll get you a cab. Come on.
Yo! Taxi!
Let's get you back with your field trip.
- Where's you headed? - Art Institute.
Drop him off at the side door on Monroe.
- Okay? - Got it.
Tell security you got lost.
Is there any way I can pay you back somehow?
Nah. I fleeced your dad for that Patch.
You gotta do me a favor, though.
- What's that? -Have a Merry Christmas.
Wake up, wake up. Is it time yet?
Is it time yet, Jake?
Let's go!
Wow!
Ten years of visual unwrapping experience
I could tell right away there was no Nintendo under that tree.
Fat ladies standing by quietly warmed their vocal chords.
Lizzy, no opening the presents until we pass them out.
You know the rules.
Legos?
Let's just get this over with.
Okay...
Let's have some Christmas.
And...
- three, two, one... - Merry Christmas!
It's Christmas morning, 1988.
Opening our presents!
- Looking good. - Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
- Okay, hold on. - Cheese.
Boop. Boop.
- How are you, Jake? - Boop.
Cheer up!
Merry Christmas.
Thank you, honey.
Come on, buddy. Thumbs up.
Great, all right, cool.
Leg warmers.
What? I got a sander.
Bookends?
For your encyclopedia set.
Great.
And they have baseballs on them.
I see that.
A Cabbage Patch Kid!
Wow! Freckles!
I'm sorry it's not a redhead.
Thank you so much. I love you.
I love you, too.
Another great Christmas.
You know, every holiday that I spend with you guys
is a real blessing.
What?
I said, "Every holiday that I spend with you guys..."
John. John!
John.
Do you have to do that right now?
Yeah, but... You gave it to me.
Okay.
Never mind, honey. I feel like the moment just passed.
And that's when I saw it.
It was the exact size and shape of the box I'd held in my hands
not three days before.
"To Jake. From Uncle Dan."
Of course. Crazy rich Uncle Dan.
Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan.
You haven't gotten as much as a postcard in the last three years.
Where's he living again now?
Japan.
Japan. Japan.
Home of Nintendo.
The land where dreams come true.
Oh, God, don't mess with me now.
It's got your name on it, Jake.
What'd he say he was sending?
I have no idea.
Come on, come on.
It has to be. It has to be.
Lite-Brite?
Lite-Brite.
Japanese Lite-Brite.
Wow! Lite-Brite!
- Yeah. -Jake, that's fun.
You know, for a second there, I thought it was a Nintendo.
As I slowly tried to grasp the situation
I began to fear that I might never recover from this.
This was a tragedy so great that I'd never go to prom,
never go to college, never leave the house.
I'd become a 30-year-old balding man in his parents' basement
making elaborate pictures of Zelda on his Lite-Brite.
Christmas was dead to me now.
- Hello? - Hey, Trotter.
- Hey. - You didn't get one either?
- Nah, I got a Chia Pet. - You got a Chia Pet?
The Hodges struck out, too.
Yeah, yeah. I heard about the Hodges.
They just got a new bike... to share.
Yep.
Farmer says he got one, but he also says he got a jetpack. So...
Yeah, right.
I guess we all struck out.
Well, I gotta go.
- See ya. - See ya, man.
Wait a second. So, you didn't get one?
None of your friends got one?
What kind of a story is this?
Whose Nintendo were we even playing?
Here, come with me.
Gifts for Granny and Grandpa are in the blue bag.
We're going to Minnesota for three days, Kathy.
You've been in our car. I've seen you in it.
You know how big it is.
John, you're getting a little bit of a tone.
I feel like maybe we should leave tomorrow morning.
No. I'm not hitting traffic.
- Jake! -What?
Oh.
Hey, there's still a ton of poop in the backyard. Okay?
So, get a shovel and pick it up.
Why? I mean, come on. Please?
It's Christmas.
Fine.
Come on. Pick them up and put them down, buddy.
- We gotta go. - Yep.
Hey, start with the ones behind the shed.
Dad! The floodlights!
And there, high above the frozen dog poo
that had become the bane of my existence
was the most beautiful structure I had ever laid my eyes on.
Whoa!
A tree fort.
A spectacular, solid-wood tree fort.
Oh, it was breathtaking.
Wow.
Wowee.
It has a trapdoor!
Your dad was up all night finishing it.
No, careful by the paint!
It still looks wet.
Dad! It's awesome!
I'm gonna get the video camera.
Nah, nah.
- No? -Nah.
Let him be.
So, Dad...
the Nintendo was here in the fort, right?
It was somewhere hidden in here?
Nope.
Then how'd you get it?
I never got it as a present. I had to work for it.
Spent a whole summer caddying at Prairie Pines Golf Course.
Then Grandpa said I could buy my own.
But I'll tell you what, this tree fort turned out to be a pretty great present.
Mmm-hmm.
It's my favorite place at Grandma and Grandpa's.
Me, too.
Dinner's ready! Come on in!
Grandma! Hi, Grandma!
Hey, Mom! Didn't know you guys were back.
Well, we are.
Now get your buns in here and give me a hug.
Phew.
Smell that?
Fresh air?
Fresh air.
Hockey stick slats turned out okay, huh?
Thanks for your help.
Here. Carve your initial.
Every good craftsman leaves their mark.
That's a good spot.
There you go.
There, you got it. Yeah.
Not bad.
Maybe this summer we could add a lookout tower.
Totally.
Peacefully, my mind unfolded all the tree fort adventures
that undoubtedly lay ahead.
Flashlight campouts with Olsen and the Hodges
ridiculous ghost stories from Farmer
and late-night skygazing with Trotter for Soviet spy planes.
And then a dog was crushed by a TV.
Oh, and Mom, Dad skipped out on a field trip.
It was the most crazy story I've ever heard.
Thank you. Crazy and exciting and amazing.
So, that was the first thing you and Grandpa built together, right?
Yes, Annie, but I had a point.
I know your point, Dad.
I'm not getting a phone,
but Christmas can still be great.
That... Yeah, pretty much.
But you left out the best part.
Yes. Our matching purple floral boots.
Katie Sorrentino, I would never.
- Okay. - Really?
Those boots were $11.99, and I thought they looked great.
No, Dad.
That was the Christmas you and Grandpa found your thing.
Which is a miracle, too, 'cause that man could not find anything.
Thanks, kiddo.
You think maybe we could borrow some of his tools
and work on the fort tomorrow?
Yeah.
I think he'd like that.
Turns out John Doyle was more than just a guy who yelled a lot
and could never quite finish the kitchen.
He was a magician.
He was a hero.
He was my dad.
Come on.
Gotta hit the road.
Don't wanna hit any traffic.
Okay.
All right.
- Hey, Dad? - Yeah?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Jake.