Extracted from RETAIL by balloumowgly
The name is Kilakilarney.
Blarney Kilakilarney.
Leprechaun by birth
gold-keeper by vocation
spinner of tales by choice.
Like the one about how we leprechauns
brought the Christmas Gold back to Ireland?
'Twas all because of a young lad.
Dinty Doyle, by name.
Him being cabin boy in the good ship
"Belle of Erin" on its way back home to Dublin.
Doyle, I always have a Christmas tree
aboard for the holidays.
This trip I forgot. But look..
'An uncharted island. And see! A pine tree.'
'Row over there and dig it up for me.'
A fine job for a cabin boy.
[rustling]
What's that?
A tiny pair of coattails..
The little people?
Leprechauns!
Did you see him?
That's a full growed human being, ain't it, mum?
Aye.
First one hereabouts in over two centuries.
But Papa, he's digging up the Banshee-tree.
He shouldn't do that, should he, Papa?
Should he, Dad?
Should he, Mum?
[screaming]
Too late!
She's getting loose!
Back to town! Run till you burst!
[screeching]
Free! Free at last!
A storm! A storm to celebrate my freedom!
Ha ha ha!
Can't see a thing!
Not the island.. Nor me ship!
I'm done for!
A rainbow?
But rainbows come in summer--
And today is Christmas Eve!
'Bless me soul!'
'Shamrocks!'
'The leprechauns' pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.'
Glory be!
A golden Christmas dream come true!
♪ Everyone knows That rainbows end in gold ♪
♪ Guarded by leprechauns So we've been told ♪
♪ And if you walk A hundred miles to where ♪
♪ The colors all descend Don't give up my friend ♪
♪ There's been a million dreams About the rainbow's end ♪
♪ Everyone knows That rainbows end in gold ♪
♪ Guarded by leprechauns So we've been told ♪
♪ And when you hear someone Has found the pot ♪
♪ Around the secret bend
♪ Take your choice, my friend If its all pretend ♪
♪ How come a million dreams About the rainbow's end ♪
♪ There's been a million dreams About the rainbow's end ♪
leprechauns' gold!
Back, thief!
Beware the Kilakilarney blade!
For didn't it slay the terrible
Shamrock-eating dragon of Belfast?
No, no, wait a minute! Look out now!
Ouch!
Oh, lad, I hope I didn't hurt ye.
I mean you no harm.
Tell me, lad
are you a thief by trade or inclination?
Neither one.
Something just come over me when I saw all the glitter.
Aye, the gold fever.
I'm Blarney Kilakilarney,
Principal Patriarch of the Clan Kilakilarney!
Designer of their Destinies
Father of their Fantasies
Planter of their Potatoes
and Guardian of their Gold.
Were those Kilakilarneys I saw on the shore?
And how should I know?
I haven't spoke to them for a hundred years!
Your own family? Why?
Well, you see, we come to a parting of the ways.
Are you really interested, lad?
I am that.
Then let me tell you the whole story
for I haven't talked to anyone in so long.
Oops! Almost forgot.
[blowing]
I need gold, Blarney Kilakilarney.
Gold before Christmas.
This potion will be very persuasive.
[tingling]
The tea's almost done, lad, will you have a cup?
Here you are. Let it cool before you drink.
Blast!
Well, I can wait for your tea to cool.
Just take one sip, then play the fool.
Well, you see, there be two strains of leprechauns.
There be the Kilakilarneys, we're the gold miners.
And then there be the O Clogjiggers,
the shoemakers.
Faye, me wife, was the fairest of the O Clogjiggers.
It was a good union,
and for centuries we lived in peace and harmony,
digging gold, making shoes, eating, sleeping, begetting..
And before we knew it..
...Faye and me were the oldest leprechauns in all Ireland.
Ah, they were good times.
Every night I'd be off to the gold mines.
♪ Oh, the golden gold
♪ Of Ireland's Only seen by leprechauns ♪
♪ For we mine it In the middle of the night ♪
♪ And we chop it into nuggets
♪ And we pile it into pots Which we bury 'fore the early ♪
♪ Mornin' light
♪ Oh, the golden gold of Ireland ♪
♪ Nobody's ever seen nobody's ever seen ♪
♪ Nobody's ever seen
♪ Oh, the golden gold of Ireland ♪
♪ Nobody's ever seen
♪ 'Cause it's covered by the emerald Ireland green ♪
♪ Oh, the golden gold of Ireland ♪
♪ Only seen by leprechauns
♪ For we mine it in the middle of the night ♪
♪ And we plant a sea of shamrocks ♪
♪ To disguise the hiding spots ♪
♪ That's the way we keep 'em out of bloomin' sight ♪
♪ Oh, the golden gold of Ireland ♪
♪ Nobody's ever seen nobody's ever seen ♪
♪ Nobody's ever seen
♪ Oh, the golden gold of Ireland ♪
♪ Nobody's ever seen
♪ 'Cause it's covered by the emerald Ireland green ♪
Unfortunately, leprechaun gold attracts rainbows
which are dead giveaways to where it's hidden.
[screaming]
Such a rainbow brought us old Mag the Hag.
A screaming, caterwauling banshee.
Now this type of banshee is an evil fairy
whose moaning cries bring nothing but bad luck.
But if they don't get the gold by Christmas every year,
they slowly turn into salty teardrops
and wash away forever.
Oh, they can create cataclysms,
and make the moon dance with the stars
and turn milk sour!
But with all their powers, they still need gold!
And, and-- here's the catch:
They're not allowed to steal it!
Ha, ha! The gold's got to be given them freely,
or it doesn't count at all!
Still too hot.
Will you drink that tea!!
Well, old Mag the Hag was desperate that year.
For wasn't it just four days before Christmas
and her without a nugget?
Caw!
Oh, very, very tricky!
Banshees can change to anything they want.
But, if you're wise, ye can always tell them--
For they cant hide their banshee tears!
Their cheeks are always moist with them!
Well, not being able to get anywhere with us gold miners,
she moved to the shoemaking branch of the family.
♪ Kilakilarney shoes Make you dance ♪
♪ Kilakilarney shoes Keep the beat ♪
♪ Kilakilarney shoes Put a rhythm in your blues ♪
♪ Try a pair of Kilakilarneys On your feet ♪
♪ Kilakilarneys Kilakilarneys ♪
♪ Made by leprechauns One size fits all ♪
♪ Kilakilarneys Kilakilarneys ♪
♪ Ask your local Leprechaun to call ♪
But my wife Faye wasn't wise
to the wicked ways of the banshee.
♪ Kilakilarney shoes Put a rhythm in your blues ♪
♪ Try a pair of Kilakilarneys On your feet ♪
Who are you now?
Your guardian angel, perhaps.
Listen, listen to my words.
Gold is the source of all the world's troubles
and can bring no one good.
All those who mine it will soon be caught
in its evil spell.
Do you truly love your husband?
Aye, that I do.
Then make him give his gold away.
Do this, and I promise you all will live happily ever after.
You actually expect me to give away the Kilakilarney gold?
Sure and I'm only making sense.
And I'm telling you it was the banshee what visited you!
And I'm telling you it 'twas a good fairy!
A guardian angel!
You're daft! That's what!
I'm what?
You're daft!
I'm warning you, man..
Well, if that's the way you feel about it,
I'll not come home from the mine in the morning!
Well don't then! And when your shoes get holey
don't come to me to save your soles!
Goodbye, wife!
Goodbye, husband!
Now, when I got to the mine
I found not one of the gold miners had showed up for work.
Not one!
Old Mag the Hag had got to them all.
And they'd all turned into...shoemakers!
Give up, silly old fool.
Gold, sir. All your gold for Christmas!
No! Turn to tears and wash away!
You'll not get it!
Then take the consequences!
[rumbling]
Oh no.
You see, the quake was so fierce that the wee jut of land
we lived on broke itself off from Ireland
and floated out to sea
becoming the phantom Island of Tralee
upon which you now rest your feet, more the pity.
Well, knowing Mag would soon drown us all,
I went to him what was the only one could help us..
...the lord of the leprechauns.
Why do you summon me, Lord Patrick?
Well, now, I was just wondering, Mag.
How is it you can turn to tears?
Banshees are created from tears.
Tears we were.
Tears we are. And tears we shall be at the end.
Ah, now, but you don't really turn to tears, now, do you?
Has age made you forget the old ways
of enchantment?
We do it all the time.
But without the Christmas gold, we have to stay tears forever.
Ah, yes..
Gold, gold. Give me gold.
Oh, I will. I will!
Oh? Now? Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
Hold! Show me how you turn to tears first, just for a second
and I'll see Blarney gives you his gold.
Oh, if I must!
[sobbing]
Blarney! Quick! The pine cone!
And let this pine cone
fallen from a tree planted by St. Patrick himself
hold your wickedness down!
[Mag The Hag] 'You fooled me! I'm trapped! Set me free!'
Now grow! Grow to a beautiful tree!
Holds her a prisoner, it does.
[Lord Of The Leprechauns] 'Keep this tree sturdy, mind you'
'or Mag will be back with all her powers'
seeking Christmas gold once more.
And me troubles haven't blowed West yet.
For Mag's spell on my wife still holds.
I'm still alone.
Wait a minute!
When I dug up that pine tree before..
It must have been that selfsame banshee I set free!
Well, that.. You did what?
When I dug up that pine tree before--
You don't have to chew your cabbage twice.
Once is enough to shiver me timbers
and shake me store teeth loose.
Oh, 'tis sick I am.
[cackling]
[groaning]
'Begorra!'
I said begorra! I never say begorra!
There's something in that tea. She's bewitched it!
Yes! He he he..
With the potion of generosity!
Blast you, Mag!
Soon it will make you give everything away!
Gold? Please..
Yes, no, yes, no!
But.. No!
However, come to think of it..
I...give...
all...my...gold...
To you, Dinty Doyle!
What?! Owww!
No! No! You can't--
Ha-ha! That topped you!
Never try to out-blarney a Blarney!
The gold's yours, lad. Never let her have it!
Promise me now, on your dear mother's name!
I promise.
Take heed, Dinty Doyle.
Give me that gold before Christmas or you're doomed!
But you cant. You cant do that!
Remember your promise!
Alright!
Just let me find me ship and get away from this place for good!
My boat..
It's gone!
The storm must have blown it out to sea!
Now what?
[sobbing at distance]
Sobs? Do I hear crying?
Help! Help!
There, there now, lass. Where did you come from?
The sea. I was shipwrecked.
You too?
My name's Dinty. What's yours?
Colleen.
And why do you sob so?
For the others that went down in the briny.
Can you cheer me, Dinty?
I'll do me best.
Shall I tell you about the creatures
abounding on this fairy isle?
The leprechauns?
So here I am with all the gold
and I don't know what to do with it.
Well I'd know what to do with it.
Give it to me, and I'll have the leprechauns
build a ship and take it back to Ireland.
Would you now?
And couldn't the poor folks in Kilarney
have a time with it?
You're right! A wonderful idea!
And the leprechauns would be there to distribute it!
Sure and I can see it all now!
♪ Christmas in Kilarney Is wonderful to see ♪
♪ Listen to my story And I'll take you back with me ♪
♪ The holly green The ivy green ♪
♪ The prettiest picture You've ever seen ♪
♪ Is Christmas in Kilarney With all the folks at home ♪
♪ It's nice you know To kiss your beau ♪
♪ While cuddling Under the mistletoe ♪
♪ And Santa Claus You know of course ♪
♪ Is one of the boys From home ♪
♪ The door is always open The neighbors pay a call ♪
♪ And Father John Before he's gone ♪
♪ Will bless the house And all ♪
♪ How grand it feels To click your heels ♪
♪ And join in the fun Of the jigs and reels ♪
♪ I'm handing you no blarney The likes you've never known ♪
♪ Is Christmas in Kilarney With all of the folks at home ♪
♪ Oh, Christmas in Kilarney With all the folks at home ♪
What a magnificent idea, girl.
And that's what you'd do with it?
To the last nugget!
Then the gold is yours!
Really?
Well, I know you're joyful girl. But such laughter--
And you're crying too.
Tears of joy, are they?
[cackling]
Those tears! You!
And the gold is finally mine!
I take it back! I won't let ye!
Stop!
You've done all you can for me, Dinty Doyle.
You deserve a rest!
So sleep the sleep of a hundred Christmases.
Now! Ha ha ha, he he he..
Oh, lad, I warned you to watch for the banshee tears!
Disguised herself as a young girl, you say?
Aye. The same as she disguised herself..
Ah, what's the use.
I'll finish your speech.
The same as she disguised herself as me angel.
I see it all now
more's the pity.
Faye, do you mean to tell me..?
I'm sorry, husband..
For being so headstrong and foolish.
Oh and so am I, wife..
For putting gold ahead of the love I've always felt.
Love?
Could you love me once again, for Christmas?
Aye, and for all the dark days that went before
and the golden ones that follow.
Oh, look!
So beautiful!
Can I believe me eyes?
What is it?
[Dinty] 'Why, it's a rainbow, of course. Ha ha.'
Don't tell me I have to explain rainbows to leprechauns.
Bless my soul, Dinty.
If you weren't dead, I'd say you were looking wonderful!
Not dead, me friends, but in a sleep of darkness
and then awakened by a light..
'A light born of a love that never really died.'
[cackling]
The gold! It's mine at last!
No! No! Christmas morning!
Too late! Too late!
[instrumental music]
Glory be, 'tis a miracle.
A Christmas miracle.
Well, if you're going to have one
Christmas is as good a time as any.
And will you look what's being guided to us
by the other end of the rainbow!
'It's my ship! 'Tis the "Belle of Erin"'
'waiting to take a cargo of gold and shoes'
'and leprechauns back home!'
Just think, me love
homeward bound for Ireland!
Oh, Christmas..
You might have had some help from a couple of Patricks
but you've surely outdone yourself this year!
Extracted from RETAIL by balloumowgly