Whoo, those girls take forever in the bathroom.
Okay, so like I was saying,
do you know that this fool wanted me to turn down $ 2 million from the insurance company?
$2 million.
Yes, girl, for one leg.
And I'm thinking to myself
"Can I get $2 million for my leg?"
Or at least, I don't know...
these ugly ass ankles could get about 250.
Okay, your ankles are ugly
but I'm not sure that they're worth 250.
You know, sometimes I wonder what these fools are thinking.
I'm like, "Man, just take the money, please."
We got other cases.
Okay, but this is what happens
when you chase ambulances for a living.
You don't attract the most sophisticated of clients.
I'm sorry, I had a long day.
Hi.
Hey, hey, Pocahontas.
'Sup, baby?
I got this for you, a'ight?
Um, who are you?
Thug Lover, Okay? Okay.
I've never heard of you.
Well, you will, okay.
Who are you? My man.
Thug Lover, let us in.
Oh, that's right.
Thug Lover, playa.
That way, sir, this is private.
I don't chase ambulances, okay?
I work on referral. Hm.
And I'd rather that
than digging in people's nasty mouths all day.
Excuse me, but being a dentist
has enormous personal rewards.
And enormous cavities and craters
and gingivitis breath.
Oh, and speaking of which
not that you do, but it's almost been six months
so I need you in my office before Friday
because the last time we had to do two root canals.
There are two things that make me weak:
chocolate candy
and chocolate men.
You do have a weakness for both.
Um, I'll be right back. Are you...
You're gonna pay for that drink, heifer.
Excuse me.
Is this Buckingham Palace?
What?
What's your name, princess?
Um, I have a dog whose name is princess.
I'm glad you like dogs.
What you drinkin', baby?
I was drinking a Grand Marnier.
Was, well, you still are.
Bartender, Grand Marnier, please.
Matter of fact, make it a double, son.
Big dog.
It's the black card, baby.
Keep 'em coming.
Well, uh, thank you.
I appreciate that.
I'm Kelly.
B Smooth.
Got an album about to drop.
Gonna start a whole new movement, you feel me?
Um... Huh?
Isn't it a little late to start a rap career?
$14, my man.
Okay, bartender, I mean, sucker.
I mean, you know, whoever you were just interrupting me
while I'm talkin' to the young lady.
I mean, you could have more respect, B?
I'm sorry.
I got haters already, baby.
I ain't even out the blocks yet.
Hm. You feel me?
I'll drop a little something for you right now.
Coming out of my album.
What... you're not about to rap right now, are you?
Like a phone check, check-check, one, a-one-two, aragh.
They come and B Smooth.
The thug lover.
Get me on the sheets and on the coochie-cutter
I got my love for these ho's.
And never meet my mother.
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ah.
'Cause after this pipe you'll never meet another.
'Nother, Thug Lover.
Ah, sir, your card is declined.
♪ You're gonna need another ♪
Hello, hater...
I know you been hatin' on me since I walked up in here but you need to chill with that.
Just go run it again, B, a'ight, son?
I tried it five times.
It's declined, sir.
You want to get your name in the papers?
You want to lock hands with the Thug Lover?
Come on, son.
You know what, um, uh, uh, B Smooth...
How about you and I make a deal?
Right, Okay.
I will take care of the bar tab
if you promise me to go to the other side of the room
and don't come back for the rest of the night.
It's like that?
Okay.
Don't you holla at me when I blow up, all right? You know what I'm saying?
But you had your shot!
You know, I'm certain that I'm going to regret this
when you blow up but in the meanwhile
I'm gonna go with my gut, okay, B Smooth?
Yeah, I'ma B Smooth Yeah.
And you... you just be you.
And you bartender, son, honey
Got eyes for you B.
Deuces, Homey.
He's an investment banker at J.P.
Jackpot!
Well, on my end, you missed B Smooth.
You know, I thought I saw him rapping over here.
Was he actually performing?
Oh, yeah, live and in concert.
Why do I always miss the good stuff?
Excuse me.
My name is Chad, what's your name?
Well, he's polite, that's a good start.
Well, her name is Kelly.
And she doesn't wanna play any games
and she hasn't had sex for six months
because the last guy that she was with had commitment issues.
So either you come correct or you don't come at all, playa.
Tianna. Huh?
Would you please excuse yourself over there?
Thank you.
Ah-uh, hi, I'm Kelly.
Nice to meet you, Chad.
I apologize for my friend.
It's cool, that's what friends are for.
And, um, nothing that she said is true, by the way.
It's all right, it's all right.
Us men are usually always fighting that last guy
who usually probably always left a huge mess.
Mmm, yeah, actually... gigantic.
Should I be scared? Oh, very, very.
Yeah, like poltergeist scared.
I'll take my chances.
Actually, Chad, you know I'm just getting off work
and I just came here to have a drink and unwind
and I really wasn't planning on meeting anyone tonight.
You just gon' switch personalities
like that out of the blue, woman?
I mean, we were doing so good.
You smilin', eye contact, and I just want conversation.
And I appreciate that really... Pause.
Mute.
Why you gotta be so bitter?
I mean, he was kinda cute.
Tianna, you know, it's just been too soon since Jared.
You need to loosen up.
You probably need to have a couple more drinks
and let ol' boy over there
get rid of all those cobwebs down there and live a little.
I'm fine.
I've got my B.E.T. and my Snuggy.
Okay, grandma, and you probably have some bloomers
up under that dress, don't ya?
You have bloomers, don't you?
Thank you.
My little investment banker,
he's picking me up for breakfast at 7:30 a.m., promptly.
Wow, you move faster than a speeding bullet.
Well, how else do you expect me to find my Superman?
You know what, don't tell me.
You don't need a man when you have a Snuggy, right?
Exactly.
Thelma and Louise, over here.
I wanna play in your hair.
Wait a sec, why y'all leaving?
Why so soon?
A tease.
Bye-bye.
Sweet thing. Um...
I am sick of this.
Intervention time.
Excuse me.
What are you doing tomorrow night? Uh, excuse me?
Be here at 7:00 p.m. and don't keep my girl waiting.
Uh, okay. Okay.
I'm gonna kill you.
I'm gonna have one drink and then I'm going home.
Thank you.
You got a bad attitude.
What just happened? Dude.
Every time we go out, man, you get all the girls.
I didn't do nothin'.
Listen, man, we work out together.
I got a body like yours... It's the hair.
It ain't the hair, I'll hook you up with a friend.
It ain't the hair. Hook me up.
The one in the cheetah? Yeah, yeah.
I'm gon' hook you up with that. Teach me what you know, man.
I got ya, I got ya. Damn.
It's the gym whistle, baby.
Hello, I'm Kelly, nice to see you again.
Oh, I can't do this.
Live... and let live.
Oh, I look like I'm going to a funeral.
♪
So, Chad, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself.
Hm, let me see.
Ah, I'm originally from Cleveland.
Currently, I teach gym to high school students in Compton.
Don't say nothin' funny about Compton, please.
Um, and when I'm not doing that
I'm pursuing my acting career.
You work in Compton. Um-hm.
Do you know B Smooth, the Thug Lover?
Who?
Never mind, I'm-I'm sorry.
You know what, if we get time,
you really should let me show you some of my work.
I even had a featured extra role on "The Young and the Restless."
The director liked my look so much he gave me a line.
Somebody asked me for directions in a scene
and I told them, "Go down there, you can make it if you hurry."
It was something, it was something.
So let me get this straight.
You said your father, your grandfather
and your great-grandfather were all dentists.
Yes, but I'm the crazy one
who had to take it to the next level.
I actually own six dental clinics.
Yeah, I come from a long line of, uh, teeth people.
Beautiful teeth people.
So you're a daddy's girl.
Um, yeah, a little bit, little bit.
But growing up, my dad was so over-protective.
I felt like I was in solitary confinement.
Why was he so overbearing?
My, uh, oldest brother, Ty, was killed and, um...
after that my mom went a little crazy.
She started drinking.
My dad had to step in and take care of everybody and...
Sorry to hear that.
Well, um, do you mind if we change the subject?
Not at all, not at all. Okay.
So, what'd your father do?
Lock you in the basement and just throw food at you?
Practically.
You know, that's terrible, right? Yeah, but, you know what?
Here is a true fun fact.
I didn't go on my first real date till I was 18.
Eight... so you were a hot nerd.
He called every 15 minutes
until my mother finally took the phone away.
He better not call now, you're busy.
You're right, I am busy.
And besides, I'm a grown woman now so...
Are you now?
Hm.
The funny thing is...
is now, he will practically give me away to anyone with a job
and a nice smile.
How grown are you?
I can do this.
I can be sexy.
I am Sasha Fierce.
Yeah, it's about to go down.
Okay, ready?
I can be sexy, I am...
You ready in there?
Drink's took a hold of me now.
You know that hand will make you sin.
Um, if only guys knew when to shut the hell up.
Okay.
Damn, you look like lunch.
Whoo.
Um, can you be quiet?
I won't say anything else.
Great.
Ooh, Candy Land.
Shh. Sorry.
Wait-wait-wait. I'm sorry, I can't.
What you, wh-why, why can't you?
Baby, come on, I'm in the zone, baby, come on, now.
No, see it's just...
I don't really know you and...
I didin't feel anything when we kissed
and you know, and this really isn't me.
So you really gonna tease me like that?
Come on, now baby, we were at the five-yard line.
Just let me in the end zone.
No, see, really, I can't.
I'm sorry.
So this really ain't gonna happen.
Unh-uh.
Aw, come on now, I just knew this was gonna go down. Now you can't... you can't do this.
It's unfair, to me and him.
You know, maybe if the three of us
all knew each other a little better
and I could see that there was a real genuine spark...
You don't feel all that electricity?
All of that?
Uh, no, eh...
You know, I promise, listen, listen.
Baby, I'll be worth the wait.
Will you now?
I think so.
Mm-hm, you just wanna talk
and get to know each other, maybe watch "The Notebook?"
You don't have to be such a jerk!
And you don't have to be such a tease.
Now I owe Rich 20 bucks.
Get out!
You don't gotta tell me twice.
I could've had more fun on my laptop.
Oh, unbelievable.
'Round here teasing me like we in the tenth grade,
playing red light, green light with that little thing.
Mmm.
I said get out! I need my shoe.
Oh, you need your shoe, do you?
Yeah, wait, wait... Really... Here you go
Here you go.
♪
Yeah, he's an aspiring actor but he couldn't even pretend
that he was only after one thing.
Kelly, you hit him over the head.
Are you serious right now?
I told you I wanted him to beat that thing up.
Not to beat him up.
You... girl, you got serious issues, you know that?
And I'm gonna ask you a question,
and you don't have to answer it.
What?
When you went to school
and you took the yellow school bus
did you take the long bus
or did you take the short bus, Kelly,
did you take the short bus?
Okay, cut it out.
Hey, and I'm gonna tell you something.
You try to set me up again, I'm gonna beat you up.
You going on the beat down list.
Oh, aggression, huh?
You know what, it's that rap music.
I'm gonna get you some gospel music for your iPod
because you need Him.
I need something
because I gotta go to this engagement party
for my sister this weekend and it's gonna be... ugh.
Well, at least Carlton finally proposed.
And he's cute, too.
Well, look at that.
Younger sister getting married before you? Really?
Et tu, Brute?
Seriously, you sound like my parents.
"Kelly, we're so worried about you, you're always alone.
"Kelly, we're worried about you.
"You gotta get a man before your hips spread.
"You gotta get a man before your hair turns gray.
You gotta get a man before your eggs dry up."
I mean, on and on and on it goes.
Well, FYI, they were right about the hip thing.
You almost as big as me, look.
Honey, that is cute, all that.
That's Rhianna, that's... that's cute.
Okay. They like booty.
"Media Take Out" says it's a good thing.
What Susan?
Okay, Kelly, just chill out, okay,
'cause I need you right now.
I am a nervous wreck
and I think I picked like the wrong weekend to stop smoking. I tried on my wedding dress and my stomach is hideous
and I have to do like a thousand crunches
before I can even fit in it.
And right now, I started smoking and I'm on this binge
and I can't stop right now.
And you're calling me because...
Because I'm already freaked out
so the last thing I need is for to not show up
and like, ruin everything.
Do not steal this moment, you better show up. I don't want to hear excuses about work or anything, Kelly. I swear to God you better come.
I'm coming, I'll be there.
Mm-hm.
You sound jealous, are you jealous?
No, of course not, I'm happy for you.
Mm, Okay.
Just wanna make sure that you're not jealous.
'Cause you can do that sometimes, you know?
Mommy's so proud, she's like bragging to everyone.
She told the pastor and like daddy really likes him.
I just want everything to be perfect.
Well, that's great.
Susan, I gotta go.
Kelly, I swear to God you better show up.
No, I'm not jealous, okay, bye.
Okay, so you pulled me out of yoga class for what?
'Cause I was focusing on my pranayama.
What? My pranayama.
Okay, never mind, just pay attention, all right? I'm having an emotional breakdown here.
Okay, just don't throw a shoe at me.
What's wrong?
It's Susan.
She called yesterday just to gloat, no other reason.
Well, she has a reason to gloat.
Kind of, I mean...
He's cute and he has a good job.
He has nice toned arms.
Okay, can you stop please?
And then my mom, she called and gave me the speech again.
So what'd you say?
You don't wanna know.
OMG, what did you say?
Or else I'm gonna take off my shoe and hit you with it.
I lied.
I told her I had a man and I was bringing him to the party. Why would you do that?
I don't know, okay, I was having a moment. I freaked out, just help me.
Okay, okay, just...
Let me think.
Okay, my cousin Greg would be perfect
except he doesn't get out of the pen for another month.
The pen, really?
What are you trying to do, scare me straight?
Okay, chill out.
It was just assault with a deadly weapon, no biggie.
He is a gentle soul.
Who else?
Okay, everybody I'm thinking of is fine.
Don't get me wrong but...
There just not smart enough to pull this off.
Well, that says a lot about your taste in men now, doesn't it?
Well, I'll just have to check
Oprah's magazine about that, won't I?
I got it.
I got it, I know what to do.
Okay, whenever you say that I get really scared.
I...
Oh, and the look, Jesus.
Oh, God...
Okay, Chad, come on, can't you see I'm working?
Baby, I'm trying to get in the mood.
I'm a method actor.
Just being supportive.
All right, let me make this real simple for you.
Whatever you say, honey.
No kissing with tongue.
We sleep in separate beds, and no PDA.
PDA's a computer file.
No, that's PDF.
PDA... public displays of affection.
Oh, okay, got it, honey.
I'm, oh, please, don't call me honey.
I can't believe I let Tianna talk me into this.
You need to find yourself another date, buddy.
She is no fun at all.
I mean, even I like a little bit of tongue now and again.
And I like me some chocolate with my tea.
See, even Blanche from "The Golden Girls..."
Oh, no, I heard her.
Why don't you turn around and mind your own business.
I can only imagine what kind of freak show you are
back at the nursing home.
Me, I have morals and values.
Something you lost a long time ago.
Anyway, let me remind you of our deal.
You don't have to remind me, I am not an idiot.
Okay, I get it.
I'm your boyfriend for the weekend.
We play nice.
Nobody asks you any awkward questions
about why you're still single.
And, uh, yeah, everything's fine.
Right.
But if you screw this up or this thing blows up in my face then...
Then I don't get paid. Atta boy.
Oh, and...
here is your cheat sheet, okay?
No, don't say I didn't warn you
but my family's gonna ask a lot of questions.
Don't look at me like that.
This is part of our deal.
You need to know everything there is to know about me.
What about me, don't you need to know some stuff about me?
I can put one of these together.
Oh, trust me.
I already know everything I need to know about you. Okay, look, I need some direction.
What's my backstory, what's my motivation?
Put your seatbelt on. It's on.
Wanna put your hand down there and check?
Study.
Long weekend.
♪
Wow.
Not a bad low ride at all.
All right.
Wow.
Yeah, it's a little different than Compton
so try not to drool
Sweetheart. Dad, hey.
Oh, sweet pea, I waited all day for you to get here.
Oh, really.
Oh, don't act surprised.
If you'd looked at your phone there are 15 messages
from the time you said you were on the plane.
Now I, however, can be gone all day long
and not a whisper from him.
Oh, stop it, stop it, stop it.
So this must be the future prospect.
Yes, Chad, these are my parents.
This is David and Harriet Lofton.
Sir. Chad.
All right, nice to meet you.
Ma'am. Lovely meeting you.
Whoa, he's got nice teeth.
Thank you. Yeah, well this is exciting.
I can't wait to hear all about you.
The ladies from the church have been calling all morning
just for some details.
Mom, you've already told the ladies at the church.
Well, good news travels fast.
You mean, good gossip travels fast.
So, when did you meet?
Six months ago. Three months ago.
Well, we met six months ago...
But we've been dating for three months.
Oh, okay.
And where did you meet?
At the gym. At the beach.
There's a gym...
That's at the beach.
Ahh, okay, it must be lovely.
And it's working.
Look at my girl.
Well, you must be hungry, come on in.
All right, all right, good, good.
You need a hand with those?
No, I'm good. Good, good.
♪
Explain the term.
Well, Chad, welcome to our humble abode.
Yes.
Humble, this place is gorgeous.
I like that, you're a real gentlemen.
Thank you.
Yeah, well, he really is a wonderful guy, dad.
You know, I'm glad you're here.
Kelly works too hard.
Don't you agree?
Sir, it's my job to make sure
she takes a little time for herself.
That was a trap, I just wanted to make sure.
I'm on it, I'm on it.
He's a real winner.
Well, we'll have to see if he measure up.
Maybe this one won't get you the way that Jared did.
Sorry, that was cruel, sorry.
Mm-hm, and it's nice to see you too, Susan.
This is my boyfriend, Chad.
Chad, my sister.
Chad. Hi.
Well, he definitely looks like an athlete. He's certainly built like one.
So what do you do, Chad?
He's an actor.
Yes. Oh, an actor.
Well, I mean, I haven't seen you in anything.
And I watch Netflix every day.
Well, it was nice meeting you Denzel.
Denzel. Excuse me, Chad.
Make yourselves comfortable.
Thank you. Denzel.
She's got jokes, she's always got jokes.
She has nothing to do but write them.
Well, come on in, come on.
Don't you knock?
For what?
Ain't nothin' going on in here.
Plus, aren't you waiting for daddy
to give you the keys to your chastity belt?
You know, I was hoping as you got older
you would actually get nicer.
What is your problem, Susan, what are you doing?
Mm, just as I thought.
No condoms, no birth control pills.
Unless you're a freak, ooh.
Okay, get out, good-bye.
You do know that you're not gonna be able
to keep that fine-ass man, right?
But if you're nice I'll give you some tips.
If you're nice, I'll let you keep your teeth.
Get out.
Hm, whatever.
Ah, my God.
♪
See what I'm doing here?
I'm studying, learning my part.
So that way at least one of us knows the answers.
I'm sorry.
You keep messin' up.
You did notice I was on point with mine.
What is it, stage fright or what?
Well, you know, this is a lot harder
than I thought it would be.
Look.
Oh, yeah.
We met six months ago.
Right, at the gym.
I can read, Chad.
Okay, we'll, I'm just saying you are affecting my performance. You know what I'm saying?
For me, it's about the craft, the purity of the craft.
Mm-hm, listen, pay attention to me, okay?
My sister, she is Satan in a size zero.
So watch out for her.
Yeah, she is scary.
Should we just quit now?
I mean, while we're ahead, before we get in too deep?
I can just leave and you can take...
And what, let my sister win?
Either that or she find out and embarrass us
in front of your whole entire family.
You know, what kind of man are you?
And what about the money, okay?
I'm not even making my day rate on this.
All right, fine, I'll throw in
a couple of extra hundred dollars, all right?
Just... shut up and stay focused.
I'm focused, I don't need your extra money.
You study your parts.
I'm Morgan Freeman with this right here.
Get it... get it together.
♪
Pretty much the same as it was when you left, huh?
Thank you, daddy.
Now you two...
Chad? Yes, sir?
Come back in here, I need you to hear this.
Yeah, um...
Want you kids to control yourselves.
You have to understand, her mother...
wanders the halls late at night.
Bible in one hand, meat cleaver in the other.
I don't know what it's for.
'Course I will do my best to control my unbridled passion
that comes over me every time she and I lay down together.
Dad, gross, really, ew.
Too much information?
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Unpack.
Your dad is a freak.
And speaking of freak.
Yeah, come on, let's light the fire.
Okay, don't get any ideas.
You are sleeping on the floor.
What?
♪
Yeah, okay, I know.
I know.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know I'm over three months late.
I'm aware of this.
Yeah, all I need is just a little bit more time.
Yeah, I just need... Like 30 days.
Yes, I'm aware of that.
I know who you are...
and I do enjoy the full use of my kneecaps.
Look, look, let's just be reasonable.
Uh, hello, hello?
All right.
Carlton.
Hey. Baby, you made it.
My Sweet, how are you?
Oh, Mm.
I missed you so much.
How was the Black Orthodontists of America convention?
Oh, you know, it was Vegas.
I mean, for the most part, but it was just, you know,
boring convention stuff, you know, as usual.
Did you stay away from the blackjack table
like you promised me?
Uh, what, me, gamble?
No, scout's honor.
That's why I love you, you're so mentally strong.
You know, I've been trying to center myself a lot lately.
You know, practicing a lot of Eastern meditation techniques,
and you know find my oneness and asking myself, "Who am I?"
Oh, baby, you're so deep.
But, you know, we've got a lot of time for this later.
Let's go in, see your parents and have a little fun, okay?
Okay, come on. All right?
Shit.
Mmm...
Your future son-in-law has arrived.
Hi, hey...
Oh, my goodness, hello.
Oh, good to see you again.
I am so glad you finally made it safely.
David was worried.
He'll be so happy you're here.
Yeah, you know, we do get along quite well, don't we?
And just think, pretty soon
you're gonna be calling me son.
And what a wonderful occasion that's gonna be.
You know what, I'm just gonna go get him.
Well, well, well, if it isn't my future sister-in-law.
How you doing, Carlton.
I'm great, I'm great, and, uh...
Who do we have here, this gentleman here?
Yeah, we're still trying to figure that out ourselves.
I'm Chad, Kelly's boyfriend.
Yes, and he is so amazing
and he loves me unconditionally
and he makes me feel so secure.
I'm almost like a new woman every day, whoo!
Yeah, okay, well, you know...
Oh, look who's here. Hey...
Back in town.
Hey, hey, Dave. What's up?
Good to see you, man.
Hey, hey, congratulations on such a joyous occasion.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Glad that you're here.
You know what?
Why don't we all retire to the den.
Drinks all round, it's a celebration.
Drinks all around.
Except for me.
Everybody else, everybody else.
Come on, let's go, bar's all set up.
To the room.
I have the bar all set up and...
hors d'oeuvres.
Oh, look at what you did, you did this yourself?
Grandma's special pâté.
That's nice... look at this.
Wine's been breathing all day.
It's beautiful, it looks so beautiful.
Yes, so, uh...
So, uh, it's Chip or Charles...
Chad. Chad.
Chad, Chad.
Chad, I don't know if they told you.
I'm an orthodontist myself.
What is it you do for a living?
Well, I'm a teacher by day.
And my passion is acting.
Oh, well, okay.
Teacher, well that's pretty noble and cute.
So what is it, mathematics or science?
Actually, I teach physical education.
Well, okay, wow, that, that's actually splendid.
Uh... you said you were an actor so
are there any films we've probably have seen you in?
You know what, actually, I was just on "Young and the Restless"
and I had this line where somebody asked me for directions
and I said, "Go down there ..."
Excuse us for one... One second, excuse us.
I'll finish when I get back.
We'll be holding our breath.
He said, "Go down there ..."
What is your major malfunction?
Me... What is your problem?
What I do?
One line on a soap opera does not make you
an Academy Award-winning actor.
Really?
Okay, I'm sorry, all right.
I'm sure you're very good, a true thespian
but come on, it's game time.
Okay, I'ma let you slide with your little insult
but it's stressful working under these conditions.
I know and I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry about Carlton.
He's a cornball.
Yeah, well, I don't like him.
I don't like him.
I don't trust him.
I don't like him, why don't you trust him?
Well, never mind, it's not your concern.
The point is, is just do your damn job
and make me look good.
Okay, it shouldn't be too hard.
Sorry.
Sorry, you guys about being anti-social. You know, when Kelly wants her one-on-one time,
gotta drop everything and go.
Isn't he awesome?
Hey, that's my rule, it's all about the queen.
Wow, and he knows how to lay it on thick.
I love this man so much I can hardly breathe sometimes.
Oh, well, sweetheart, I have one of your inhalers in the kitchen.
Mommy...
No, really.
You two... stop it, will you stop it? I'm just saying...
You two lovebirds, you're something else.
More than charming.
How 'bout we get ready for dinner, huh?
Okay. We should.
Absolutely.
I will just... it's almost done.
I tell you, really, it is.
The chicken is almost ready.
The back molar is so tough.
I thought I would have to use a jackhammer.
Toast, toast, toast, toast. To Susan and Carlton and their future happiness
and wait-wait-wait-wait
and... to Kelly and Chad.
Maybe you'll be back sometime soon
celebrating something, huh?
And finally...
to my wonderful wife.
Thanks for 30 years.
The best 30 years any man could ever hope for.
Oh, cheers.
Cheers.
Cheers, my dears.
So Chad... Mm.
Why don't you tell us how you manage to
do acting and be a gym teacher at the same time.
Uh, well, it's a little difficult but I try.
Oh, no, you're good, real good.
I can tell.
Well, I mean, you know,
you have to have a lot of patience to tolerate my sister. So, what, you guys been dating, what, three months.
So you must've gotten to know Kelly
really well in three months, huh, Chad?
Um... enough to know what I like about her.
So what about her likes?
I mean, you gotta admit,
she does have some strange preferences.
That she does.
I mean, take her favorite ice cream, for instance.
Right, like praline and pistachio
with strawberries on top.
Random.
Really random.
Oh, let's take her breakfast.
Exactly, two eggs over easy,
pomegranate juice on the side, a pickle,
and the biggest, blackest cup of coffee
she can get her little hands on.
That's right.
You know what's also crazy about her?
Her taste in music.
Who are you telling... I swear if I have to hear
another Mariah Carey song, sir,
I'm jumping off your roof tonight, I'm serious.
Well, yeah, that's, uh, that's my Chad.
Won't be long now, I'll tell you that.
Well, uh, uh, excuse me, guys.
Got a phone call, I gotta take this.
Excuse me, sorry.
Well, Susan, your fiancé sure
has a lot of important phone calls.
Don't tell me.
Emergency orthodontics.
He's on call.
Oh, yeah, I'll bet he is.
What's with all the quest...
Mommy, make her stop picking on me, please.
Dentist work just never stops.
So what are we talking about?
Well, as it was just so happen, they were talking about you.
Is that right?
No, I wasn't.
I was talking about Chad.
Well, as long as we doing all this talking
hopefully the talking is nice, I hope.
So Kelly...
we seem to know a lot about you through Chad's eyes.
Why don't you tell us a little bit about Chad.
I mean, you know, look at him, he speaks for himself.
Uh, but, um, you know, he's from...
Cleveland.
Cleveland! Ohio.
Yes, the rust belt, you know.
Good ol' Midwestern boy with a good family.
And, uh, he moved to California to pursue...
Go to school. Yeah.
Pursue an education.
Mm-hm. Yeah, so...
Really, so what school did you go to?
What did you major in?
Oh, you know, excuse me, I think I hear my...
my phone is ringing.
If you'll excuse me, I'll be right back.
I'm so sorry, but, uh...
You know, I'm gonna let Chad tell you guys the rest
because he's an actor and it'll be a lot more entertaining
coming from him.
I'll be right back, sweetheart.
Lord have mercy, what is with these phones?
When we were growing up, dinnertime was for dinner.
You know, these days, you gotta let the kids be kids.
They've got all these apps, you know.
Apps? Yeah, apps on the phone.
They take up a lot of time.
That's why they're always doing this.
Oh, is that right.
Those are apps that they're doing that with.
It's like being in a room with delinquent 15-year-olds.
Mm-hm.
You know what, I'm gonna excuse myself.
I've lost my appetite.
Sweetheart...
Pass some more bread, please.
♪
What exactly happened with the two of you at dinner?
Mom, it's nothing.
It's just Susan interrogating my new boyfriend.
Well, you did ask her rather a lot of questions.
Okay, well, excuse me for taking an interest
in my big sister's new boyfriend
and who she's about to get serious with.
He's not the only one.
Mom, what are you talking about?
Your father wants to keep something to himself.
What the hell is...
Is it me or is she losing it?
Oh, something has definitely gotten into her.
F.Y.I., you know the walls in the house are pretty thin
Pretty sure I'm not gonna hear anything from your room.
You know what, Susan, why don't you just
forget about what's going on in my room
and pay attention to what's going on in yours.
Whatever.
Good night, sissy.
Good night.
Really, like you cleaned nothing.
All right, all right, we can do this, Chad.
Denzel said keep it honest, keep the work honest.
Focus, focus, uh...
I love this girl.
'Sup, man. Hey, hey. What's going on, man.
Aah... Beautiful night, right?
Yeah, yes it is.
Absolutely, yeah, yeah, man.
And beautiful women, aren't they?
I'm sorry?
I mean, Kelly and Susan.
Oh, yeah... yeah.
Yeah, man, yeah, we got lucky on that, man.
We did, cheers to that. Cheers, cheers.
Yeah, I'll tell you man, seriously
Susan, she's pretty much turned my whole life around.
She's really my... my home base.
Home base?
Yeah, you know, home base.
My main one, my number one.
You know, all these other chicks,
they really don't matter.
They don't really do anything but take up time. But she is the main one.
If you know what I mean.
No, I don't know what you mean.
No, right, okay, all right.
You don't know what I mean?
Um-mm. Okay, you know what?
So now the gym teacher's gonna act like he's stupid, right?
You know, there's no really easy way for me to say this. So I'm just gonna come out and say it.
I'm gonna break this down
so it can forever and consistently be broken.
Okay. All right.
I don't trust you.
I don't trust you not one bit.
There's something about you.
I just can't put my finger on it, I don't.
Maybe I just don't particularly care
for soap operas.
But I don't trust you at all, you know?
You know what, I'm sorry, man.
I apologize.
If I did anything whatsoever to give you the impression
that I give a damn about what you think, I don't.
You don't even know me, guy.
I don't have to know you.
I know your type.
All right?
You know what, be honest with me.
She told you about the trust fund, right?
Come on. What?
It's two grown men, sitting and enjoying a movie.
You can be honest with me, be real.
She told you about the money.
What trust fund?
Wow, are you gonna act stupid again?
You know what, your acting really is bad.
I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Carlton.
You serious? Yes.
Okay, all right, I...
Her father, he bought the patent on the little small motor
inside the electric toothbrush.
Sold it a long time ago and made millions.
I'm talking millions, each.
And they get it when they turn 25.
I mean, Kelly, she already got hers, but she's...
You know how she is.
She's like a cheapskate
and just tight little heifer...
Hey-hey-hey, watch your mouth, man.
Duly noted.
But, uh, Susan on the other hand
she gets hers in about 27 days,
19 hours and six minutes.
But then again, who's counting.
Well, that's got nothing to do with me, man.
That's not my money.
I don't care about that.
You better keep it that way.
I'm watching you.
I'm not worried about you.
Doctor Tooth. Hey.
Oh...
Boy seems all right, I don't know.
I just don't wanna get my hopes up, you know?
You mean Chad?
Yeah.
I mean, he's a nice enough guy
but I just don't understand
why she waited so late to bring him home?
Well, I don't know.
Why do people keep secrets?
Well, I'm sure she knows we just want her to be happy.
Mmm.
I guess that's just the way people in our family are.
They're just strange.
Don't tell anybody what they're up to.
Mm-hm.
Hm?
I said...
Some people in this family
don't tell others
what they're up to.
Mm-hm... Mm-hm.
David? Hm?
Yeah, no, you're right, you're right.
I'll-I'll-I'll-I'll talk with them.
I'll talk with them.
"Desperate Housewives."
Oh, I can't...
Look.
Oh, he's a lowdown, rotten, scoundrel dog.
Cheating, lying.
Leave him.
Just a lot of talk, that's all.
♪
Okay. We can spend some time alone.
Come on, Chad, don't start.
Ooh, wait, ice queen.
You don't know if anybody's out there in the hall listening now. Participate, come on now, bring it back.
Ew, God.
Okay, um...
I'm so tired after last night!
I mean, you wore me out, baby, six times!
Six? Yeah.
You wish.
In your dreams.
I'm gonna go, um, freshen up
and put on something naughty! Yes.
Hot! Yeah.
That got me excited.
Can you believe the nerve of her?
Like all of a sudden now she wants to bring
her little actor/gym teacher boyfriend around.
Um-hm.
Are you listening to me, Carlton?
Hm? Carlton.
I'm sorry, what I meant to say was
just give me some time and I'll...
Baby, baby, wait, wait, wait.
Come back, come back, come back.
Look, I got this really important text to finish.
As soon as I'm done, I...
we can talk until my ears bleed.
It just...
Okay, what are you doing?
We already talked about where you're sleeping.
Get out of the bed, here you go.
I'm not sleeping on a little bean bag.
Look, there's plenty of room for you and I in here.
I'll stay on my side.
What will your father think if he walks in here
and sees me sleeping on the floor.
He will be devastated.
Okay, what if your sister finds out?
Mm... Mm?
♪ Welcome, welcome ♪
Yeah.
Don't I at least get a good night kiss or something?
I put on chap stick just for it.
If you want a kiss good night
go home to your mommy.
Man, you are cold.
Somebody really must've burned you bad.
Good night.
What happened?
Typical story.
I got hurt, I got humiliated.
The end.
Wow, there's a world of hurt
in those few words you just said.
I survived.
You survived, but apparently you haven't gotten over it.
Okay, you know what Doctor Phil?
Really, I'm all right.
So please don't try to fix me with your pop psychology.
Okay, okay. Thank you.
We can just go to sleep.
Let's... lay here and get cozy
and just go...
to sleep.
♪
You know what, Chad?
Actually, the couch is probably a much better idea. No... So why don't you go...
No, you run-hop, please.
Can't wait for this job to be over.
Damn.
Damn. I'm sorry, I'm a...
I'm here with Kelly, I'm Chad.
I must've fell asleep watching "SportsCenter".
I'm Larissa.
I, uh... Chad.
Don't I know you?
No.
Okay, Dustin Hoffman, I brought you a blanket.
Hey.
Oh, Larissa.
Hi, hey, long time.
Yeah, it has been, um...
When did you get here?
Oh, I just walked in.
I got the invite and...
I wouldn't miss it.
Okay, well, judging from your attire
you just came from work?
Yes, girl, Vegas, and the money is good.
Is it? Um-hm.
Hm, Okay.
Oh, um, Chad...
Oh, uh, yeah, let's go to bed, baby.
Yeah.
I can't get enough of that "SportsCenter."
Ha, ay, all right.
Nice meeting you, good night.
Good night.
Boo-boo, yes.
You tired or you gonna stay up and play?
Right. Yeah.
You know, you too can have...
All right, sweetheart, can you bless the table?
Ooh, for sure, for sure.
So Chad, did you sleep well last night?
Um... thank you for asking, yes, I did.
Dear Lord...
'Cause you know, it's like sleeping in a convent with her.
Hey, did y'all miss me?
Oh, no, oh, no.
Momma. You surprised me.
Yeah, yeah, change of plans.
You know I had to cancel two gigs, but, uh,
you now, I couldn't miss this for the world.
I had no idea you'd be showing up here, Russell.
It's... a great surprise.
Man, it hasn't even been a week since I saw you in the street.
At the orthodontist convention
and yeah, we saw each other.
Yes, anybody want some juice?
And-and-and... Whoa, who this?
Wait, hold up, hold up.
Now Kelly, I know you ain't actually
let a man back in your life, did you, huh?
Uh, Chad, this is my brother, Russell.
Okay, Chad. Good to meet you, bro.
That's a nice grip, bro.
You got good hands.
But, look, I gotta let you in on a family secret, yeah. Last guy that was with her...
Yeah, he had to wait three years, bro.
Boy damn near went blind.
Well, uh, patience is a virtue.
Mm-hm.
And when you're done with Kelly,
you're gonna have more patience and virtue than Mother Teresa.
Okay, Russell!
You got it good, here. Look.
You are looking a little skinny.
I think you need to eat.
Don't baby him, Harriet, I've told you, please.
I see, uh, some things haven't even changed.
You know, I'm just trying to be perfect for you, pop.
Mm-hm.
You know I have a tux in the car.
I know we getting dressed later, right?
Yeah, the party's later this evening, later this evening.
It's casual, not sloppy, but casual.
Well, I'm just trying to not disappoint you any more.
Trying to break that habit, pop.
Well, that'd be good, that'd be good.
Morning.
Larissa.
We are going to hell in a hand basket.
Sweetheart, please bless the table.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh...
Lord Jesus. Put that down, come on.
Lord, Lord... Lord, Lord.
Dear Heavenly Father. Yes.
Beautiful.
This is gonna be so much fun.
Whoa!
Ooh!
Nancy.
And on our anniversary.
You son...
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm ready.
I did the Blue Cross claims projections.
Would you put some lotion on me?
I would but I'm in the middle of something.
But... later.
Honey, Carlton?
Yeah, yeah... After I finish the text.
I promise.
Be a sweetheart.
Why not.
Sure, wha, um...
Where do you want it?
Everywhere.
Ooh, ah, okay.
We'll start, uh, we'll start up here...
The neck and the collarbone.
You certainly do have the touch.
You sure Kelly's not gonna get upset about this?
Oh, stop, we're family.
Actually, get my legs first.
Um... okay.
You know, Kelly's almost done over there.
You know, and I'm finished.
Yeah, it's a wrap.
Great, thank you so much.
No, I'm not scared, they're nice.
They're yours... You said I could.
You know, um, who thinks that it's time to cool off?
Me, I'll... that's a great idea.
You wanna get the other leg.
You probably do it so much better.
Have a seat.
So are you having fun with Larissa?
Oh, she said you wouldn't mind.
I didn't want to be rude.
Y'all first cousins?
Yeah, we are.
She lived with us for a little while.
For like, four years, when my aunt got sick.
Haven't seen her in a long time.
She's kind of a nomad, you know.
Got in with the wrong crowd and...
she really only comes around when she needs money.
But, you know, when my aunt died
my mom felt guilty, so...
we take care of her.
So you're saying she's... bad news?
No, I'm not saying that.
She's a good person on the inside.
She's just a little wild.
Maybe a little wilder than us teeth people
approve of.
Well, unlike most folks, I try to get the whole story
before I pass judgment on somebody.
You don't know my family so stay out of it, please.
Wait a minute, hold on.
You put me in it.
Now you want me to stay out of it.
See, unlike you I don't hide behind my job.
I pay attention to people
and I know how to live in the moment.
What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, oh, I get it.
See, one moment, you're here with me
and the next, you're trying to screw my cousin.
Screw your...
Screw your cous... what?
At least she took a minute or two to pay some attention to meinstead of just ordering me around.
So the actor has problems taking direction?
You know what, Chad?
Maybe this isn't gonna work out.
So how 'bout I just give you your money
and you can go back to your world.
Money.
That's what you think all this is about, Money. You know, what, keep your little trust fund money.
I don't need it.
How do you know about that?
Yeah, well, of course.
He would tell you.
What... it doesn't matter, I don't care about any of that. Look, I wake up and go to work
every single day, and I love my job.
I make a difference in children's lives, okay?
I took this gig because I wanted to get closer to you.
I wanted you to see me as serious.
I look at you and I see this
amazing and intelligent and beautiful woman
and I'm so disappointed to find out
that you're some selfish, spoiled little brat.
Scared to show any kind of emotion at all.
And you don't have to fire me.
I quit.
You what?
I quit, Q-U-I-Too, I'm done.
Chad.
I'm going for a run to clear my head a little bit and them I'm leaving.
You can tell you little bourgey, bi-polar, bicuspid family whatever the hell you want to.
I'm leaving, don't forget to floss, bye.
Okay, honey, have a good run!
Yes, dear.
See you when you get back! Uh-huh.
Hey, I think a run sounds kind of good.
I'll be back.
Yeah, you need to let me help you with that back.
Nah, I'm straight.
Unh-uh, no.
Allow me, I insist.
Look at all this.
Look, if Susan sees us she gon' think
we doing something wrong, so stop.
Look, Susan is on a run
and this ain't nothing but a little bit of...
harmless fun.
You know, Larissa, when I saw you down at the pool,
I was like, man...
A woman like that... have a man like me.
Swiping all this credit card, just...
Visa, MasterCard. Mm, oh, really?
Yeah? Yeah, baby.
Oh, you wouldn't wanna do that.
I wouldn't wanna do that? No.
Try me.
Better hurry up.
Never had somebody's orthodontist love, girl.
♪
Apparently somebody's in one of these damn rooms already.
Yeah, girl, you know about that dental love.
Mm.
Who's a man, baby?
You know you are. Yeah.
Ooh, that's my spot.
Ooh, gentle, gentle, gentle, baby.
Hey, brother.
Oh, hey-hey-hey, Susan, um... I need your opinion on this song I just wrote.
You don't allow people to criticize your music
and you said that music is subjective.
Aye, just this one time I really need another ear.
Okay, let me just tell Carlton I'm back.
No-no-no-no.
We need to do this right now, it can't wait. Okay, but I wanna shower.
Don't worry, about it, man.
I just need your ears not your body.
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
and I hope you know that I didn't mean to be...
Dad...
I thought you were...
Yeah, well, uh, Chad.
I saw him leave.
He didn't look to happy.
Yeah, well, I think I... screwed up.
I scared him away.
Yeah, well, you can be kind of intense, you know?
Oh, yeah.
No kidding.
You really like this guy, huh?
Ahh, it's complicated.
Yeah, it's always complicated.
You know.
Especially with you, since, uh,
whatever it was that happened with Jared.
Oh, please, uhh... Whatever he did to you.
Please don't mention his name.
You carry it with you all the time.
Well, dad, it's not every day that you lose
the love of your life and your best friend at the same time.
I know, I know.
Yeah...
Loss can be painful.
But it's part of life.
When we lost Ty...
Well...
I had to struggle through that pain, grief, guilt.
I felt like I didn't protect him enough.
That's why I was...
well, so overprotective of both of you and your sister.
But then, day came when I realized that, you know
the past doesn't equal the future.
I had to let you and your sister
live your life.
And you did.
And the both of you...
the both of you turned out to be such beautiful women.
And I'm so proud of both of you.
But let me tell you something, let me tell you something.
Sometimes, you have to find the courage
to work through the fear.
Now I'm not talking about
well, courage absent of fear.
I'm talking about moving forward despite the fear, hm?
I love you.
Okay.
Now, um, I saw...
he was, uh...
headed down the trail towards the point.
Okay.
Copy that. Good.
I'm off the clock.
What do you want?
I don't want you to go.
It's too late for that.
Chad.
I'm sorry.
Sorry or really sorry?
Really sorry?
I don't know, what's the difference? Well, regular sorry means that you'd say whatever it took to get me to stay.
No, not that one.
Okay, really sorry would be you standing here
and letting me say everything that I wanna say
and not interrupting me at all.
That one sounds kind of rough.
I got a couple more miles to run. Okay...
really sorry, really sorry.
Okay.
You're self-centered.
You're obsessed with your work
and you're judgmental.
Guilty as charged.
You brought me down here
to pretend to be your boyfriend, to fool your family.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm working on the character,
this little role you want me to play.
But if we're gonna fool people
into believing that we're a couple,
two people that actually care for each other
I'm not the person that's gotta do the acting.
It's you.
So why were you all over Larissa at the pool?
Because I wanted to make you jealous.
That's childish.
This whole thing is childish.
Look, Kelly, why not be honest with your family.
It's obvious they love you to death.
Be honest with yourself.
You're so scared to lose somebody
you won't let yourself care about anybody.
Okay, you know what, this was a really terrible idea.
I would have loved
to have been here with you this weekend for real.
It would have been nice to not have to act.
Yeah, well...
you won't have to act much longer.
We'll tell everybody the truth after the party
and be done with this.
Okay.
I'll meet you back at the house.
I got a couple more miles to run. Mm-hm.
- Hello? - Tianna, it's me.
I'm having an emotional emergency. Can you talk?
I'm working, but, I'll put you on speaker phone.
Go ahead.
He said I'm judgmental. Who?
Chad.
Well, you said I had a big butt, that's judgmental.
He also said that I'm selfish and I hide behind my work.
Here's my card.
You are my client, okay, got it?
Tianna!
Um, okay, you want me to lie
or do you want me to tell you the truth in love.
Truth.
Okay, well, you are kind of self-centered, but I love you. And, um, if you want my opinion
if you're gonna give him a shot
then give him a real shot.
Okay, my money's waiting, so I gotta go.
But Tianna...
She gotta go, bye.
Okay, listen, this is my card.
Make sure... If you push that button
one more time on that elevator, okay?
That's my client.
Now when he hit you, right,
did you feel it in your back?
Your neck, okay.
Trust me, you felt it in your back and your neck. Okay, now you can take him.
Call me, call me.
Man, I'm just...
I just, I don't know what happened.
You know, I'm just like, I just basically,
I'ma give up, you know?
Carlton, where have you been, baby?
I've been looking for you, Oh, my God.
Russell played me one of the most beautiful songs
and I want you to hear it
because I wanna play it at the party.
Honey-honey-honey, look, no offense.
I've got so much bigger things to worry about than that, okay? Oh, bigger than us?
Yes, it's bigger, than... Yes, way bigger...
Not bigger than us.
Look, um...
I need your help, okay?
Tell me again exactly what it is that you need me to do.
Look, first thing I need you to do is trust me.
Can you please trust me?
I mean, don't you trust me?
Look, everything I do is for us.
All right, you gotta believe... yes, for us.
All I want you to do, it's real simple.
Maybe you can go up to your father and ask him
if we can get a hold of that money
a little earlier than we planned.
You know, I know, I know he probably
won't give us the whole thing but
maybe he can give us maybe two, three hundred grand?
But why do we need it now?
I want to let it sit there and let it grow
the way that my sister did it.
She did it the right way.
She did the right... look,
when have you ever listened to your sister?
I mean, this is us, this is what we do.
We're a team, okay?
And I need you to trust me.
Please, tell me you trust me.
Okay, I'll ask him.
See, that's what I'm talking about, come here.
And, you know, when you ask him
you know, maybe you can, like,
talk to him after the party when uh,
he's got a little bit of liquor in his system.
I'm... or anything close to it.
This way he's in a good mood, okay?
Okay.
That's right, okay, all right.
Come on.
Now, come on, am I in your heart?
Am I in your heart?
I got it right here, tell me, come on.
Yes, Carlton, you're still in my heart.
Thank you.
What... you know what, give me a hug.
Show me love.
All right, Mmm...
I love you so much, all right?
Kiss.
Hey, ma...
Ahh...
So how long you gonna stay this time?
Just a few days, you know, if it's okay.
Oh, come on.
As long as I have breath, you can be in this house.
This is your home.
Not if dad has anything to do with it.
Your father loves you.
He just doesn't agree with those ways.
You know he never wanted you to leave.
He wanted you to stay here.
Yeah, to be a dentist.
Come on, ma.
You know I don't like digging in people mouths.
You know, I was sick every day
in dental school, every day.
I know, I know.
But that's all your father knew and he wanted the best for you. No, he choked the life out of me.
Listen, we lost our son.
And you are the only son we have.
Now you don't understand that.
You need to understand that.
You will be the head of this household,
this family.
Mom, I lost a brother.
I miss him.
I love him
but at some point my life had to go on.
I was the one that had to leave the house to chase my dreams.
Make my own money, hm?
And how much of your trust fund do you have?
Why is he so hard on me?
Because he loves you.
Because he wants you to learn responsibility.
He wants you to be a man.
Don't you understand, sweetheart, we worry about you.
Whether or not you're losing everything gambling,
or losing it on loose women, whores, we just don't even know.
Be a man?
Are you kidding me?
He worked every day 24/7 trying to get
his dental practice together.
He didn't know any of my teachers.
He didn't know anything I liked.
He didn't even take me to a ball game, nothing.
Now if that's being a man
I want nothing to do with it.
He sacrificed everything for you kids.
But you know what, you're never gonna understand that
until you have some children of your own.
I guess.
You should talk to him.
Look how blessed we are.
I don't wanna do this... Listen...
Mmm...
You handsome thing.
I'm gonna go back and get ready
for this party we're having, okay?
Mom, can I ask you a question?
Hm, yeah?
Is it good to keep a secret to protect someone...
who you love?
Russell, you know the truth is only safe place.
Okay.
I smell the whiskey on you mom.
You need to brush real good before dad smells it.
You know, I can't tell you how delighted I am
that you are all here today.
30 years ago today
I was lucky enough to marry
the most beautiful woman in the world.
And she was crying then just like she's crying now.
And then...
to be celebrating the engagement of...
my lovely, lovely daughter, Susan to Carlton
on the same day, well,
that's more than we could have imagined, isn't it darling?
Yeah, so, so, oh, so...
I thought to make this occasion especially memorable...
that I would have...
Come on, come-come-come-come-come-come.
Whore.
Yeah, whore.
This Jezebel.
Scarlet harlot woman.
What are you doing at my house?
What are you talking about, Harriet?
Oh, I've seen you creeping around,
just creeping through, going to see her.
Peeking, I saw you.
Harriet, I-I-I was...
No-no-no-no, I know what you were doing.
I know why you were going over there.
'Cause she's nothing but a...
She's an artist.
Oh.. so what! An artist.
Show her Nancy.
Look, you know...
You know that the bible... No, listen, please.
You know that the bible
says that you need to turn the other cheek. And I am so sorry, if you could just forgive me
Well, maybe... for being such a fool.
Go easy on the Jack Daniels next time.
Harriet...
you've been drinking.
Mommy, this is my day.
Susan. What?
She is embarrassed enough.
Oh, really, Kelly?
Well, maybe this day is really about you
and your fake little boyfriend over here.
Oh, yeah, you're an actor all right.
You're really good.
So pathetic that you brought him here
just so you could show me up.
It's a scam, he doesn't know anything about her.
I found your cheat sheet, sister.
You're such a loser.
You're so pathetic that you had to pay somebodyto act like they loved you?
Susan, how you gonna be talking to Kelly like that.
You ain't got the right.
Yeah, worry about your own skeletons.
Matter of fact, you need to be worrying about your boy.
Yeah, sleeping with Larissa, yeah, I've seen you.
Oh, what, oh, please. What?
Susan, that's absurd, he's lying.
I would never, ever stoop to that level.
Wait a minute, stoop to that level?
You said, you were gonna leave Susan
once you got her trust fund money
so that you could pay off those bookies.
And then we were gonna run away together.
So that's a lie.
That's right, that's when I did see you in Vegas
with some roughnecks and they were loan sharks.
Now, you ain't gonna treat my sister like that, man.
I'll kill you. No, no, I got this son.
I got it.
Ah!
Now get out the water and stand up.
Beverage?
To hell with this family.
To hell with you.
Oh, Lord.
Certainly been eventful.
Yeah, never a dull moment.
Well, guess this is, uh...
good-bye for awhile, huh?
Come on, Russell, you know I don't like good-byes.
Let's just say till next time.
Well, I wanted to say that I'm sorry for being a brat
and I hope that you can forgive me.
And I hope that we can stay in touch
'cause I really need my family right now
especially my big sister.
That's what we are, we're a family.
Mom...
Don't miss any more meetings, okay?
Promise.
Trust me, she won't.
I love you guys.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye. Goodbye, sister
Drive carefully. We will.
Bye-bye. Good to meet you.
Take care, Chad.
Bye, Denzel.
You sure you wanna take a cab?
I mean, you can ride with me.
Nah, you're probably sick and tired of me by now.
No, you can keep that.
Chad, please, I've put you through enough, take the money.
Have you forgotten, I teach high school students.
That little bit of drama in there,
that's an everyday thing for me.
And I told you I didn't do this job
for that check.
So...
I guess this is good-bye.
Nah...
Till next time.
Girl...
Have you seen this video?
My nieces love it.
It's huge right now.
It's huge.
Tianna, I should have listened to you.
Who is that?
Yep, you should've listened.
Who are you and what did you do with Kelly?
So...
Now that you're not acting
why are you here?
I found my motivation.
Love.
Okay, now, this is my second intervention.
Y'all gonna have to start paying me my hourly rate.
Ay, yi, yi.
So, was I worth the wait?
Every second.
♪ Welcome, welcome ♪