Once upon a time there was a charming land called France.
Here is a magnifed view of it in the mid-18th century.
People lived happily then. The women were easy,
and the men indulged in their favorite pastime: War,
the only recreation of kings which the people could enjoy.
But what is this glorious battle?
No matter. Aren't all battles alike in a warlike way?
Battles are fought for posterity,
to provide historical quotes for the classroom.
"Rally around my white panache!"
"You tremble, carcass!"
"You English gentlemen may fire first."
The Guard dies but never yields.
Louis XV. That's him quoting someone else.
"Louis the Beloved," the darling of all hearts.
He may at times lose his hat,
but never does he lose his composure.
With a song on their lips and love in their hearts,
the regiments of Picardy, Aquitaine and Burgundy fought elegantly,
killing each other with grace,
disemboweling in style.
It was all like a ballet.
They called this the "Lace War."
His Majesty's soldiers found this war so pleasant
that they made it last seven years.
When the dead began to outnumber the living,
they realized their forces had diminished.
Recruiting officers took to the roads of France
to comb the most remote villages for conscripts.
How'd you like to be carefree and die without regrets?
How'd you like to let the king do your thinking for you?
Then don't hesitate.
Sign up and you'll be well considered.
Step right up! Step right up!
Join the glorious Aquitaine regiment!
Guillot! Guillot!
Who wants Guillot?
Your daughter's getting tumbled!
- My daughter? - Guess by whom.
That wretch! If I catch him,
I'll bleed him like a chicken, gut him like a pig!
We're with you!
The savages!
I talk about war, and they beat a retreat.
It was here.
Where? I don't see anything.
Behind one of those haystacks. But which one?
We'll split up. Easy does it.
I got both of them!
That was smart! You can't do anything right.
Keep down. - A man!
Shame on you, Marion. At your age.
She's just the right age, you idiot.
Heavens, my father!
There you are. Rascal! Bandit! Riffraff!
You, come here!
Cover yourself up. Stop flaunting your God-given gifts.
You little tramp! I thought you were at confession.
To confess she has to sin first.
Your Parisian tricks won't save you.
What did I do wrong? Marion is pretty and desirable.
She doubted it.
I showed her she had charms. Right, Marion?
- You're just a fine talker. - Arrogant fellow!
- A stranger. - True, he's not from around here.
Why couldn't you just stay put...
idling in some Paris cabaret?
Your uncle should've broken a leg the day he took you in. And what for?
To play cards? Fence with grain sacks? Violate young girls?
Let me at him! - Take it easy, Guillot,
or I'll beat you black and blue, with all due respect.
I'll crush you like a nut!
You'll break your teeth on this nut. Keep your distance.
Respect your future father-in-law!
Father-in-law? You're kidding.
Reap what you sow.
You'll marry her or I'm a jackass.
Like I said before, I won't marry her.
She'll be your wife.
Don't worry, Marion, I won't marry you.
I swear on your father's horns.
Swine!
Cow pie!
Bastard!
Bastard yourself!
Gentlemen, I wish you a good day.
- Why did they capture you? - To end my exploits.
- What was your crime? - Love, with premeditation.
- That's no crime. - As a repeat offense, it is.
- Where are they taking you? - To be hanged, by marriage.
- A handsome boy like you? - I'm perpetuating the species.
- Get a move on! - I was happy. I was free.
Now my life is over with what's in store for me.
I can tell you. Give me your hand.
You'll only predict the predictable: He's going to be my son-in-law.
You won't marry so soon. Great adventures await you.
I see only signs of fame and fortune.
A brocaded uniform. A fiery steed.
Acts of great daring.
You'll find glory in France's best regiment.
Sure, His Majesty will name you field marshal...
My foot in your ass first!
Here's your love line...
Forgive my familiarity and my disrespect, my lord.
What did you say?
The king's daughter loves you.
The king's daughter loves me?
And you'll marry her.
The king's daughter?
But how will I know her?
Intimately.
Then I must be the king, since you're marrying Marion tomorrow.
The king's daughter. Why not?
She's pretty.
- Move it, gallows bird! - Say, you! Someday,
I'll have my lackeys beat you.
No need to think! The king will do your thinking for you!
Don't wait! Sign up and you'll be well considered!
Consider me enlisted. Quick!
- Just a minute. - It'll be too late.
Your bonus.
Now for the glory, the king, the horse and his daughter.
To the king's health!
Are those your friends? Are they here to join up?
No, to retrieve a deserting son-in-law.
Get ready for a thrashing!
Back!
I'll box his ears.
Threats! You dare to insult one of the king's soldiers.
I'm not insulting anyone, Sergeant. This wastrel belongs to me.
We have his signature now.
It's not worth a cricket's fart!
He has another commitment, to my daughter.
She can wait a little. He'll be back in seven years.
Listen, Fanfan, if Marion stays unmarried,
I'll break your neck!
She's pretty enough to marry without me. We'll find her a suitor now.
Suitors for Marion, hands up!
Don't wait! There's not enough to go around.
No takers on the left? On the right?
This is my last call.
I'll throw in my bonus as dowry. Any volunteers?
May the best man win!
You didn't expect to see me here.
- What are you doing here? - Fool. Don't you understand?
I'm Sergeant La Franchise's daughter.
And a damned slut she is too.
She got me drunk and said the king would give me land.
Same goes for him.
She said I'd be a general's aide.
I believed her. After all, she's a gypsy.
She didn't lie to me.
She predicted what I already knew.
I know my future as if it were my past.
You believed me?
Absolutely. My destiny will be as you foretold and as I decided.
I'll marry the king's daughter, when it suits me.
Poor fool.
Doubting your prophecies?
Am I not a soldier, as you predicted?
But you didn't foresee that I'd hate this regiment because of you,
and that your father would lose his recruiting bonus.
I'll join the Picardy regiment. Fanfan bids you farewell!
No transfers, my lad! I don't work for the competition!
Come along or I'll run you through.
Just try!
What a sad day.
The sky is heavy, the weather threatening.
Oh, it's only you!
Were you asleep?
- I was dreaming. - Oh, really?
A delicious dream. You were being tortured.
Tortured?
You were being flogged on the town square like a witch.
You were almost naked.
A bit too plump for my taste.
You had two or three amusing dimples on certain parts of your person.
Be quiet, you vulgar man!
You were squirming like an eel, tearfully begging for mercy.
I was there in the front row, beside Her Majesty, my wife.
I could have granted you mercy, but I denied it.
Let me go back to sleep to find out the rest of your disgrace.
You can't dream around here. Get up!
With pleasure.
Say, I'm still tied up.
I have so much freedom inside me, I don't feel my bonds.
Thank you, Adeline. - What?
I'm not fooled by your exquisite tact. Thank you, Adeline.
With such loyal deceit you have the nerve
to leave within reach, with feigned neglect,
the means for my escape.
Sword, knife and pistol.
Thank you, Adeline.
You'd have me think I could escape on my own.
I seized the opportunity. Thank you, Adeline.
But freely I remain your prisoner.
Thank you, Adeline.
See how I trust you,
by telling you my big secret. Thank you, Adeline.
Help!
No, that's where the danger is!
Into the bushes! You can get yourself killed later.
The army won't pay for your corpse.
Well, my maidens! Do I have to kick your asses out?
Rob us if you will, gentlemen, but do it with a civil tongue.
Your hand.
Her Highness, Henriette of France.
- Hello, Henriette. Hand it over. - And this. Let's move.
- And you, naturally, are the Pompadour? - Herself.
You shameful coward!
Quiet, fool, or they'll hear us!
Fool?
Here I am! - I'll report you as a deserter.
Another step and I'll skewer you!
He'll get himself killed.
My bonus!
You really can't trust him.
You were wonderful. Thank you, monsieur.
Thank you, madam.
You're as bold as you are brave.
And so young.
I've always been young for my age.
What a sweat.
Say, young fellow! Not bad for a raw recruit.
But you still lack the endurance and experience.
He's our scout.
Had he been in the slightest danger, we'd have stepped in.
You sure stick your neck out. More of them!
I'll take care of them.
Don't! They're our men.
What a pity.
A pretty sight they are. Just look at them.
You cowardly gents!
I hope you're proud of yourselves.
Back to your places. We shall deal with you tonight.
What protection!
They're brave enough to come back.
This is yours. - Keep it, as a spoil of war.
For pity's sake, don't spoil my pleasure.
I've already been rewarded beyond my merits.
Here you go...
for letting me earn the two sweetest kisses.
I'm as happy as if the king's daughter had kissed me.
And yet... - And yet...
- What's your name? - Fanfan.
And what else?
Soldier of the king.
I'm going to be a king's soldier.
Well then, Fanfan,
take this tulip in memory of me
and may it bring you luck.
But, madam...
Farewell, Fanfan la Tulipe!
Farewell, Godmother!
They abducted Her Highness. The coach is gone!
Sergeant, did you see a coach?
With Her Highness Henriette.
- Drawn by four horses? - You saw it?
With Her Highness in person?
And Madame de Pompadour.
Madame de Pompadour and the king's daughter.
It went that way. - And the bandits?
You'll find them a bit further on.
I left them to cool off.
- What are you saying? - The truth.
We hacked them to pieces. Her Highness went on her way.
For your pains.
The king's daughter...
The king's daughter kissed me.
Is that so amazing? Isn't she your bride-to-be?
And now for the always moving induction ceremony.
Stirred by all the attention, the recruits here learn
that the army is just one big family.
Fall in line!
Step forward! Who brought me these beggars?
Look at those idiotic faces!
Come now!
Are these the fine recruits? Let me see gracious, merry faces
that express the joy of living... and dying, if need be.
Here they are.
- The height seems right. - Five foot one.
The eyes are bright.
The hair firmly rooted.
The teeth sound.
You, smile.
A four-leaf clover!
You have a foot in bliss, my friend.
Your name. - Fanfan la Tulipe.
La Tulipe? What a charming nickname!
We have a Larkspur, a Meadowsweet, a Buttercup and a White Lilac.
This isn't a regiment. It's a flower bed.
What's this?
A souvenir from Madame de Pompadour.
For kissing Her Highness after I saved her.
You saved Her Highness?
We rescued her from bandits.
My compliments. And Her Highness allowed you to kiss her?
Naturally, since I'm to marry her.
One of Adeline's predictions.
Amusing. How very amusing.
Gullibility is an army's main strength.
Mirth, Fier-à-Bras, not irony.
Irony goes from the head down.
I amuse you? I can easily kill one more bandit.
Silence! We're among soldiers here, not bandits.
Young men, welcome!
I am your captain.
I am eager to command you. You'll have the pleasure of obeying me.
You are now the king's soldiers. Be worthy of one and the other.
Draw sabers!
Present sabers!
Return sabers!
Present pistols!
Load pistols!
Take aim... fire!
Flex! Extend! Down!
Flex! Extend...
Extend. Down.
Draw sabers!
Present sabers!
Return sabers!
Kneel!
Down!
Up!
Trooper, where do you think you're going?
Stupid and tedious... That's what I think of all this.
- Who do you think you're talking to? - You, Sergeant.
I'll break you in. I had three horses killed under me.
Alas, the best always go first.
Insubordination! Desertion!
Tranche-Montagne, take this man to the jailhouse, on the double.
You'll know who I am, cretin!
Pleased to meet you. Shall we?
Let's go.
And now for you!
I'm taking you to prison, but I don't think of it like that.
It's more like a stroll.
The pleasure's all mine.
I should've boxed his ears.
Quiet, you!
You'd be a dead man. His saber's as quick as his lip.
Last year he killed three recruits. - A waste of merchandise.
You're hot-blooded. Watch out.
I used to be that way. I couldn't control myself.
So I wound up with eight kids.
When the anger passes, there's another mouth to feed.
Here we are.
I'll have the missus bring you a jug of wine.
You're better off sleeping here.
If you see the captain, apologize.
Apologize? Never.
And shame my royal fiancée?
There he goes again.
Get some rest. Sleep on it.
Come on, kids! Out you go!
So, proud of yourself?
With a lunatic like Fier-à-Bras, it's 10 years in the galleys.
Only 10 years? That beats seven in the army.
Come here. Don't talk nonsense.
Listen to me.
You fall into a trap?
No, I don't trust Fier-à-Bras.
Why?
He got a claim on you?
No, he's just courting me.
And you're humoring him?
I don't need that hothead for an enemy.
Afraid of him? You must know a little something about men.
Want a slap in the face?
I was raised in a camp, but I've always had respect.
Remember that.
You're no different.
- I'll always respect you. - Don't be vulgar.
What with your trade...
What trade?
Phony gypsy.
The destiny you foretold for me will come to pass.
Who lied to whom? Who cheated who? Who led who by the nose?
I'm not to blame for this.
Even if we hadn't met on the road, you'd have still enlisted.
You wanted to escape marriage. We were there. You used us.
And now look at me.
It's not the end. I'll speak to Fier-à-Bras. He does what I ask.
Don't grant that ninny any favors on my account.
I'll settle his hash myself.
I'll get out without his say-so.
I'll make snuffboxes of his ears.
I don't advise it.
Afraid to lose him?
There's nothing between that gutbucket and me.
Why are you so hostile to me?
Didn't I hide you in the wagon?
I slapped you. I'd do it again.
Wasn't I nice to you after you killed the bandits?
I gave you wine, bacon, cheese. I stole my father's tobacco for you.
Mademoiselle Adeline! Guarding the prisoner? Good idea.
Keep an eye on the rogue.
I'll write a scathing report.
He'll be branded and off to the galleys!
If I were you, I'd be careful.
- Why? - I'd forgive him.
- What for? - He's a terror, a real desperado.
It'll be his life or yours. He'll want revenge.
On who? For what? Revenge!
Ha! Ods bodkins!
Hear that, mongrel, humpback-heart?
Why...
He's gone!
Gone?
The door's still locked. Where did he go?
He can't be far.
Guards! Guards!
Sound the alert! Bugles! Bugles!
Guards! Captain!
Guards! Bugles!
Guards! Sound the alert! Block all exits!
The prisoner's escaped!
Come down.
What a charming view!
There's a lovely valley between those hills.
Do you hear me?
May I fish on Adeline's shore?
You really are stupid!
Isn't this nice!
Bringing me wine? Throw me your saber instead.
What for?
A soldier without a saber is like a rose without thorns.
What's he doing up there? Is all this fuss over him?
I locked him up, and then he was gone!
Vanished into thin air! But where?
The door was still locked. I locked it myself.
Did you lose something?
What are you doing up there?
Me? I was waiting for you. Do come up.
Come on up... So I can tickle your spleen.
"So I can tickle your spleen..." How charmingly phrased.
"So I can tickle your spleen." A ladder!
You asked for it!
I'm curious to see the boy in action. I've heard so much about him.
Aren't you?
Stop them! They'll kill each other.
At his age, death comes easy.
What's going on? What a hullabaloo!
I was doing the wash. - Be quiet and watch!
- You couldn't fight like that. - But I lent him my saber.
Keep off those powder kegs.
I hope he kills Fier-à-Bras.
What a thing to say!
Be quiet! They're starting.
You all right?
Watch out! Fire!
It's going to blow!
Put out the flames!
Where's Fanfan?
Here he is!
My dear Fanfan, I won't forget this.
You're part of the family now!
You'll be my brother...
and me, your father.
Then catch, Papa!
Come on, son.
Have you seen my pipe?
Where's Captain de la Houlette?
What about him?
I'm here! Where else would I be?
What a stupid question.
How can I help?
Dispatch from Marshal d'Estrées.
What good news do you bring?
This smells of gunpowder.
We're to break camp tonight
to take up positions near Vertelune.
Hostilities are at last to resume their normal course.
My two swashbucklers,
bless your good fortune.
You came within a hairsbreadth of a night in prison.
War alone has spared you the humiliation.
Long live war!
Sound assembly!
Wrong way!
As the Aquitaine regiment struck camp,
at Vertelune, somewhere in France, the king held a war council.
In attendance were Marshal d'Estrées,
and a few other officers of fleeting fame.
There were also the ladies: Madame de Pompadour...
Her Highness, Madame Henriette.
Who is this impertinent bugler drowning out our voice?
He's with the Aquitaine regiment,
which has just set up camp nearby.
Fortunes of war, fortunes of love.
Fanfan la Tulipe, don't accuse us of complicity with destiny.
We had no desire to tempt you, but look...
This window is hers and behind it...
The king's daughter.
Forget her. Let's have a drink.
- Everywhere I go... - What?
Had I followed my heart...
Don't! You'll end up believing it!
Providence...
...leads to the tavern. We'll talk about her there.
Empty your glass, empty your heart.
Adeline told the truth unwittingly.
A woman tells the truth to cover up a lie.
Stop staring at that window. It's drinking time.
The town's full of Henriettes just rarin' to dance.
Come on.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Worthy of love.
Valiant.
Handsome.
And a feared swordsman.
Handsome and valiant?
Pick another card.
And another.
A warm heart.
Indomitable courage.
You'll get what he's refused others.
There will be a great fortune which you'll share in marriage.
Marriage? And he's good-Iooking?
Partial to love and its whims, expert in the art of caresses.
Elegant...
with the most charming and enticing mustache.
- Mustache? Are you sure? - Absolutely.
That's not quite how I imagined him.
Maybe he'll shave,
or he hasn't grown it yet.
With or without mustache, love is here in these three cards.
I'm so happy, Papa.
You can't know how happy.
Poor Fier-à-Bras, there's my answer.
You heard her?
Even if I were willing to marry you, I can't fight my destiny.
Either she's blind, or she's deaf.
Pay up.
So, did I do it right?
You did, but how could she not recognize my portrait?
She took me for another, but who?
Warm heart, indomitable courage, partial to love.
That's me all over.
To your love life, Fanfan.
To Princess Henriette.
Not again. You're having visions.
Drink your grog and shut up.
What are you staring at?
Are you really going to grow a mustache?
- I thought about it. Why? - He has!
Tranche-Montagne, I love you! She was right.
- Who? - I saw a fortune-teller.
The competition?
She's a real one.
And you believed her?
I believe in cards, horoscopes, tarot, the stars, palmistry,
God, the Blessed Virgin.
And love.
- So do I. - A great swordsman will love me.
Great adventures await me...
I'll have what he denies other women.
I'll be an envied soldier...
We'll share a fortune as man and wife.
Covered in glory.
He'll satisfy all my desires.
The princess will love me.
You believed it?
She was kidding you.
Her Highness is my intended. I can't fight my destiny.
So be it. Then go to her.
Go to her!
What are you waiting for?
What do you fear? Your lucky star will protect you.
Is your warm heart afraid? Does "indomitable courage" scare you?
Is that a challenge?
I'll have Henriette's hand tonight.
Tonight. Henriette. Her hand!
Good Lord, have pity on him.
Who goes there?
Guards!
Through the window!
Station sentries around the château. I want them dead or alive!
- Careful. - Quite a place.
How do I address the king's daughter?
First you go...
And then...
Superiority is vital to an army
inferior in number to that of the enemy.
The fewer we are, the easier we move unnoticed.
With Your Majesty's consent, I've decided to set the battle here.
Here, Marshal?
Here, Your Majesty.
What has the enemy decided?
The enemy has given its consent.
Where will you place your right flank?
On the left.
On the left. A charming idea.
And the left flank on the right.
No, Sire, at the center.
And the center on the right, as it should be.
A clever deployment.
We must stump the enemy.
We expect 10,000 deaths, at the very least.
You couldn't get a better price from Marshal de Saxe.
Am I in the habit of haggling over victory?
Your Majesty, two men have just entered the château. Probably spies.
Find them. Capture them. Hang them.
And leave me be!
What are you doing there? Where did you come from?
You won't believe this, but I fell down the chimney.
Take him away!
Look!
Your Highness, there's a man in here.
Hands off.
Don't you recognize me?
The highway, the bandits, the tulip?
She recognized me!
It's in the stars, I tell you. She'll love me.
Love me quick! Your fate is to love, mine is to be with you!
See? No mustache. Like me better?
- Why? - What do you mean?
"On the orders of His Majesty Louis XV,
the court-martial of the armies on campaign
has sentenced Fanfan la Tulipe and Tranche-Montagne to death:
For desertion, lèse-majesté, trespassing,
forcible entry
and disturbing the peace.
Consequently, they are to be hanged by the neck until dead
tomorrow morning
before their regiment.
The ceremony will be followed by a dance,
which will conclude with a display of fireworks."
May I reserve the first dance?
What's wrong with her? Bad news?
She was fond of Tranche-Montagne.
Poor Tranche-Montagne.
Cheer up. We'll miss him.
And besides, hanging isn't such a bad way to go.
But he's not like other men. He can't stand death.
The king's not fair.
Hey, Sergeant!
- What? - Is Papa gonna be hung tomorrow?
I beg Your Majesty to forgive us,
but there's an urgent matter
that intimately concerns this young beauty.
Her face tells me it's an affair of state.
No, Sire, an affair of the heart.
That is infinitely more serious. What do you want of me?
A tiny favor.
- That is a bad start. - A favor...
The favor of a pardon... for Fanfan la Tulipe.
That's going a bit far.
He once risked his life to rescue Henriette and myself.
It's our turn to return the good deed.
Save him, Sire. Promise me you will.
Rise, child.
Don't waste your tears on an ingrate who doesn't love you.
He has this crazy idea he's to be my son-in-law.
My son-in-law!
It's all my fault. I led him to believe it,
with a false prediction.
I dared him to win Madame Henriette.
How old are you, child?
Twenty-two.
And no one predicted anything for you?
That I would marry Fanfan la Tulipe.
Splendid. Why these tears then?
Let fate and justice take their course.
I have decided he will be hanged.
But as your beauty has moved me,
I grant you the favor...
of bidding him farewell.
I don't want to say farewell. I love you, Fanfan.
I'll always love you. Always.
No, Adeline, say farewell nicely. Promise to forget me.
I'll never forget you. I'll always love you.
But what have I done to deserve your love?
Nothing. Why do you love me?
How should I know?
When I'm near you, and you look at me, I feel happy.
Don't cry. I wasn't sentenced to watch you cry.
Smile. Give me a smile.
It's all my fault. I shouldn't have challenged you.
Why did you listen to me?
I believed in you.
And now,
if I had to love someone else, it would be you I'd love.
Don't leave me. I can't go on living without you.
It was predicted you'd live, and happily. Farewell. Forget me.
Fanfan will have lived like a rose. The brief life of a tulip.
Take it. May it bring you happiness.
My poor Tranche-Montagne.
I'm so wretched.
Not as much as me. If you think I'm enjoying this...
Life is no fun, especially when you have to leave it.
Time's up. Have you anything more to say?
- I love you! - Come along.
Don't be sad! I don't love you!
You might've said you loved her. You had nothing to lose.
I wanted to leave a bad impression.
I don't want her to miss me.
But maybe...
I was beginning to love her.
It's about time.
I behaved like...
A boor.
I wanted to fulfill my destiny.
Didn't you have eyes to see?
To me, Adeline is worth all the kings' daughters everywhere.
I believed in my destiny.
I still believe in it.
Not for long.
Present arms!
Attention!
Draw sabers!
Present sabers!
Draw sabers!
This is my first execution.
It's worth seeing one before I die.
My poor wife always said she'd go first.
Who can you believe?
They're walking, they're alive, and a moment later,
they're gone.
And we'll be dead to them. What does life hang by...
but a thread.
Wait for me if you get there first. See you later.
See you soon.
Is that where they're hanging Papa up?
Just wait and see.
Mama, pee-pee!
Later.
Farewell, Tranche-Montagne.
Chin up!
I'd like to see you in my shoes.
Is it over already?
I didn't feel a thing, did you?
It's you!
If this is death, why all the fuss?
But we're alive, old man!
We'll go on living like before.
Wait'll my wife hears about this.
By order of the king,
as the death sentence failed to be executed,
the prisoners are hereby pardoned.
May the will of God be done for His Majesty's pleasure.
Long live the king!
Had I known, I wouldn't have fretted so much.
Dear Adeline!
It's a miracle!
It is indeed a miracle that the king should grant a pardon.
Another miracle that he should indulge in this pretense of justice.
Never was a miracle better formed.
His Majesty awaits your thanks.
Come.
Fix your hair.
Get it out of your eyes.
That's much better.
Your air of modesty is most titillating.
Stop trembling. You have nothing to fear.
I'm not afraid, and I'm not trembling.
The king showed he was an ordinary man,
to whom I could open my heart.
And he will listen to you.
Make the most of his good will as he shall of yours.
Above all, don't forget that he is your master.
Let his whims be your guide.
There.
You're quite right. He's an ordinary man.
What a graceful curtsy!
I see Lebel instructs his young recruits well.
Once more.
Fine.
Spare me your thanks. It is enough to see you happy.
Your face speaks for you. I haven't eyes enough to listen.
Tell me, child, do you love your king?
As much as I respect him, Sire.
Naturally, you owe him obedience.
You wouldn't wish to displease him?
I shouldn't dream of it, Sire.
So you would please him by obeying him?
Come here, my pure beauty,
natural grace, charming object.
Come here.
Look at me, and let us forget who we are.
Please me as you wish to please me, quite simply.
Sit down.
Give me your pretty little hand.
But my heart belongs to Fanfan.
Who asks for your heart?
All I ask of you is a little pleasure.
I'm a proper girl.
You owe my esteem to your merits.
You love Fanfan? Then thank me.
My whims enable you to show the greatest proof of your love,
by betraying for his sake the loyalty you have sworn him.
It's his pardon you will pay for with the pleasure we shall share.
And if your conduct satisfies me,
I shall cover you with riches, and he will owe you his fortune.
Your Majesty has many other girls eager to use their beauty.
Your resistance stirs me more than their coquettishness.
I order you to love me readily.
No, Sire, don't touch me! I beg you!
What are you waiting for? Run after her!
What happened with the king?
Nothing. The king wanted...
- And you didn't. And then? - I slapped him.
- You didn't! - I did.
But if Monsieur Lebel finds me... - No one will find you.
So you slapped the king?
My dream!
My compliments, Lebel.
I ran and ran, but she was gone. Vanished.
Spare me your explanations.
I must have that girl, you hear?
Pick up her trail, discreetly.
Find her, discreetly.
Abduct her, discreetly. And bring her to me, discreetly.
You have 48 hours to redeem yourself.
If I can't even rely on your knavery...
My late Fanfan, all I can say is, "Long live life!"
And I'm being modest.
I've seen death up close, and she's not worth knowing.
She's got a nasty death's- head!
To your health, my widow!
Don't drink so much. You lose your wits.
If you don't like it, go cry on my grave.
Here's to you, Fanfan.
Do you see Adeline at the bottom of my glass?
She's smiling at me.
She's telling me, Drink me.
I didn't expect to find you there.
Get out of there.
She's gone.
We've been looking for you all day!
Come back to your friend!
You try. - Come to your friend.
Strange, her disappearing like that.
Let me tell you something.
She's fled the resurrection.
You were dead to her.
You don't tell a girl saying farewell, "Don't be sad. I don't love you."
How can you not be sad about not being loved?
Monsieur Fanfan la Tulipe?
Generally, that's us.
Specifically, that's me.
I was sent by my mistress, the Marquise de Pompadour.
I'm to tell you Adeline is safe at the Mortelame convent.
Safe? Why?
Is she in danger?
Great danger. She slapped the king.
The king?
Of France?
She saw the king?
Yes, to thank him for the double pardon he granted the two of you.
Is it possible?
She dared to speak to the king about us.
And she slapped the king?
But why'd she slap the king?
Just the kind of woman I love!
The king showed her disrespect and...
So she's at Mortelame?
She'll be there tonight.
My mistress urges you to beware Monsieur Lebel.
Monsieur Lebel? The king's first valet?
He swore to find Adeline and bring her to the king.
He may seek to harm you.
Be careful, Fanfan la Tulipe.
If you see her, tell her not to be sad and that I love her.
Tranche-Montagne, I'm loved by a woman worthy of being queen.
La Franchise!
My dear La Franchise!
Embrace me. They found her.
Stop worrying. She's hiding at the Mortelame convent.
She slapped the king. She's in hiding at Mortelame.
We'll marry since I love her and she loves me.
It's a wonderful coincidence!
But watch out for Lebel.
And mum's the word!
Embrace your son-in-law, Papa!
Fier-à-Bras, into my arms!
As for Lebel and the Mortelame convent...
Which of you is Sergeant La Franchise?
He is, sir.
I am Lebel, first valet to His Majesty.
The king has entrusted me with a mission
you'd best keep secret.
You have a daughter?
Where is she at this hour?
It takes a clever man to know. I haven't seen her.
But she'll be back soon?
I hope so.
You're a sergeant.
Would you like to be an officer?
An officer!
Imagine your daughter married to a captain or a colonel...
with a royal dowry and the king as godfather to her children...
You can make this dream come true.
Just inform me of Adeline's return.
One word, monsieur.
That captain or colonel can just as well be me?
Why not?
And as a husband, I'm as good as another man?
Why not? But first,
the king must tire of the charms
of the young person in question.
I'm in no hurry.
With my future made, I can hope with assurance.
She's at the Mortelame convent.
Why didn't you say so?
At first I doubted your identity,
but hearing you has won my confidence.
I'm happy to serve His Majesty with honor and dignity.
To serve the king is to serve France for the greater good of the realm.
And you're only a sergeant?
We shall remember you.
You have all the required flaws to obtain the basest of honors.
If I get this right,
Adeline's charms caught the king's eye.
I knew she had a little something.
If you become colonel, it's only fair that I be your general.
Why not field marshal?
May I remind you of the soldier Fanfan la Tulipe?
If this matter is to succeed, he should be eliminated.
Adeline will never yield to the king as long as she loves Fanfan.
She'll love him until he dies. In that case...
I like you.
You have a noble spirit. You should be working for us.
Be at the Cornette Inn at dawn.
You'll take command of a few henchmen.
Then we'll go surprise lovely Adeline in her asylum.
As for Fanfan, we'll deal with him
in our best interest.
Feel better? Isn't life beautiful?
My head feels like an egg with a chick pecking away inside.
Last night... we drank too much.
Morning, Papa dear!
Why the long face? - The face of a bastard.
I'm a swine. Judas would spit on me if we met.
Mr. Lebel came by last night. He now knows where Adeline is.
- You told him? - Not me. Fier-à-Bras did.
But I didn't stop him.
They're on their way to kidnap Adeline.
- What's that you say? - I make myself sick.
- When did they leave? - Three pipe smokes ago.
One more thing.
They also decided to murder you.
Not forgetting anything?
There's nothing else?
That's it for now.
I'd like to be five days older. - Why?
I'll be dead by then. That's when we attack the enemy.
No one will miss me, not even me.
Why not?
Let's go!
Help me, Sister. I was wounded by bandits.
Come in, my child.
This way!
Watch out!
Hold on!
It's just you and me, the four of us!
In here!
Help!
Take that, Fier-à-Bras!
Which way did he go? This way.
I'm coming, Fanfan!
Help, La Franchise!
I've got you now, Fanfan. No more tulips!
There'll be tulips on your grave.
Let go of me!
They've got Adeline!
Follow me!
Why, this looks like a flag!
It's the flag of the enemy, surprised, disconcerted, stunned.
In the feverish excitement of this coach chase,
both pursuers and pursued have ventured behind enemy lines.
The enemy thought, "Is this some enemy maneuver?"
"The enemy's betrayed us!"
Couriers were dispatched to Marshal von Brambourg's headquarters.
A subtle strategist, this Marshal von Brambourg.
He was given a clear and concise account of events.
Apprised of the situation, the marshal resolved to turn it around.
"They want to take us from behind, so let's turn to face them. "
He was a genius at improvisation.
Moments later, couriers set out to deliver his orders.
Infantry: About-face, clockwise. Cavalry: Counterclockwise.
Artillery: About-face... Tails!
He had turned the situation around.
Your Majesty...
Louis XV was no less stunned to hear
of the enemy's strange behavior.
What was the meaning of this new deployment?
It upset all his plans.
And Louis XV, somewhat flustered,
sought in vain to understand.
He thought, "Zounds!
Turning their backs to us! How extremely rude!
Does the enemy fear an attack from another enemy?
Will the enemy stand us up?"
What are they doing?
This maneuver is very devious.
Meanwhile...
Faster! Faster!
Jump, Adeline!
Don't be afraid!
So you do love me a little?
I never ran after a woman so hard.
I adore you. - You said you didn't love me.
- You believed me? - Of course not.
Look out, Fanfan!
We're out of gunpowder!
Are you wounded?
It's nothing.
Where's Adeline? - They grabbed her.
- Grabbed her? How? - Look out!
Quick!
It looks like...
It's a tunnel.
It must lead somewhere. What do we risk?
- To reach our lines. - Let's go.
What are they saying?
That it's off to a bad start
since the French are fghting the wrong way.
"So, gentlemen, open fire... and close the windows. "
"We must advance in the direction we would normally fall back to.
I don't know what the French were thinking.
No night watch, no artillery preparation. "
Hands up!
Close the doors!
Let's go. Move it!
Everybody in here.
Next!
First one who tries to escape, bang-bang! Understand?
Come on, Papa!
They're loaded. Cock them.
You go upstairs. Hurry up.
No one! Barricade the door!
The table!
Take the pistols!
Fire at will!
Bravo, Papa!
The enemy realized their headquarters had been taken.
Terror-stricken,
the soldiers fled in all directions.
The defeat was all the more complete
because Fanfan...
Marshal von Brambourg has raised the white flag?
Is he surrendering? - Indeed he is. But to whom?
Yes, to whom? How very strange.
I'd like to know the adversary who dared to dispose of our enemy,
and rob us of a victory that is legitimately ours.
Look, they're surrendering to us. It's a rout!
I knew it. I had counted on chance.
Chance has never let me down.
We won without firing a single shot. Isn't it marvelous?
And the 10,000 dead you promised me?
Next time, Sire.
What carriage is this?
Sire...
Please forgive the extravagant look of this vehicle.
I don't know where I've been, but it must have been far.
Majesty, forgive me...
I lost Adeline on the way.
The perils I endured will tell you more than I can...
Your Majesty, I remain...
your very humble and devoted servant, Lebel.
Dispose of the debris, but look after the horses.
Between you and me, I'd like to know who is behind this victory,
which will go down in history as our own.
Monsieur La Tulipe, my compliments.
Though it's true that war
is too serious to be entrusted to the military,
you have nevertheless displayed in your tactics,
carried out under your initiative and without our authority,
a talent worthy of a general.
I therefore name you captain.
You expressed the desire to wed your king's daughter, as predicted.
You weren't deceived. I offer you my daughter's hand.
It is my pleasure to lend
a hand to providence.
I give you my adopted daughter, Adeline La Franchise.
She is worthy of you.
She bravely held off all assaults on her beauty.
As for you, Tranche-Montagne, I name you sergeant-major.
And you, La Franchise, I name you father-in-law with triple pay.
As for us,
we wish the three of you
joy, happiness and prosperity.