Lieutenant, I'll confess. We're smuggling hot cheesecake into Canada.
This is all I need. It's complete.
Everybody in the whole world who hates me is now here.
What's the use, Nathan? Why try to keep it a secret?
- Bite your tongue, Benny. - All right, what's this all about?
- It's... a party, Lieutenant. - What kind of a party?
A dinner. A bachelor dinner for Nathan Detroit.
He's gettin' married.
For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
Which nobody cannot deny
Nathan, darling. I'm so thrilled.
- Why didn't you tell me? - It was gonna be a surprise wedding.
You certainly had me fooled, Detroit. When is the happy occasion?
Well, it's gonna take a little time - to get the blood test and the licence.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to get married tomorrow?
After the opening of the new show at the Hot Box.
Adelaide, according to the laws under which we live, it's gonna take a little time.
You could elope.
- You are telling me to violate the law? - It's legal to elope at your age.
And the great state of Maryland will marry you right away - no blood test.
Ain't that unhealthy?
The lieutenant has come up with a romantic suggestion of which I approve.
Elope, and for the trip I will loan you my getaway car.
That is, my station wagon.
Oh, Nathan, darling. Let's do it.
Please?
OK. Deal me in.
Speech, Nathan.
Yeah, give us a little speech.
Unaccustomed as I am to getting married
I am taking this occasion here to say
That me and Adelaide
Are finally naming the day
Though she knows deep in her heart
I'm a phoney and I'm a fake
She wants five children to start
Five's a difficult point to make
But...
Adelaide, Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance on me
Takin' a chance I'll be respectable and nice
Give up cards and dice
And go for shoes and rice
So gentlemen, deal me out
Do not try to feel me out
I got no more evenings free
Since Adelaide, Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance
Talk about your long shots
Takin' a chance on me
Well, my congratulations, too.
And I certainly hope there's nothing in heredity.
It might seem unimportant to you, but your blintzes are gettin' cold.
Who cares? As long as Nathan stays hot.
Look, don't forget to bring my purse to the Hot Box.
Nathan, darling, I'm so excited. I don't even wanna eat and go back to work.
I've got so many things to do before tomorrow night.
What about my mother? I've gotta write to her. What'll I say?
Send a telegram. Date it back 14 years.
Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance on me
Takin' a chance I'll be respectable and nice
Give up the cards and dice
And go for shoes and rice
So gentlemen, deal me out
Do not try to feel me out
You got no more evenings free
You may scratch me.
- Since Adelaide - Adelaide
Ever-Iovin' Adelaide
Is takin' a chance
Talk about your long shots
Takin' a chance
On me
Nathan, you are indeed a most lucky fella. She is a most beautiful doll indeed.
- Do you agree, Big Jule? - Tell me, how long do you know the doll?
- 14 years. - Let's shoot crap.
- Nathan! - Got the money? You couldn't find Sky?
- Did you go to the mission? - That's what I'm trying to tell ya.
- He must be with the mission band now. - Nathan, wait!
"This church is for the most part Spanish baroque built of native limestone."
"The original church was built on this site in 1674
and reconstructed between 1704 and 1724."
- It's almost impossible to believe. - Well, that's not very old for a church.
Long before 1674 there were missionaries...
What does it say about the moonlight?
The moonlight?
- It's very bright, isn't it? - You can even read your guidebook by it.
Now that you mention it...
- What does it say about the music? - The music?
It's a lovely tune.
Sister Sarah, let me read out of Sky Masterson's guidebook about you.
You could be locked away in a room with no sun, no moon,
no laughter, no music, no love, and you wouldn't care.
You could still be a missionary.
"The cobblestones in this plaza are approximately four centuries old."
"They are the very cobblestones put down by the Spanish colonists in 1519."
- What's your pleasure? - Drinking.
What's your pleasure?
Milk, please.
- Don't make a spectacle of yourself. - Milk.
You are a US citizen in a foreign country.
Have you no pride in what the world thinks about us?
Milk!
What did you order?
Dulce de leche. Dulce is the Spanish word for "sweet".
- De means "of' and leche means "milk". - Sweet of milk.
Don't they serve it plain?
Well, only in the mornings. It has to do with the heat.
At night they put a kind of preservative in it.
That's interesting. What do they use?
Bacardi.
Doesn't that have alcohol in it?
Well, just enough to keep the milk from turning sour.
That's the same song we heard being played near the church, isn't it?
Playing the tambourine has developed in you an ear for music.
Mr Masterson, you think I'm an awful prude, don't you?
Are you?
Well, I wonder sometimes.
For instance, supposing I wasn't in mission work.
This is a tasty milkshake.
Do you mind if I have another?
Supposing I was just any girl.
Do you think just any girl would be a prude
if she refused to go to Havana with a man she'd never met before?
Oh, I suppose not.
Would you like some of mine while you're waiting?
I haven't touched it.
Just a sip.
Oh, thanks.
I don't know when I've been so thirsty.
Still, you do think I'm a prude, don't you?
- I don't know what you are. - You must think I'm something.
Yeah, you're something all buttoned up. All except one button.
Oh, isn't it awful? It's a nervous habit, I guess. So silly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking.
It's so delicious. That Bacardi flavouring certainly makes a difference.
Oh, yeah. Nine times out of ten.
You know, this would be a wonderful way to get children to drink milk.
A melody can have the same notes, but suddenly it's a different song.
- Again, please? - That song.
Before it was just romantic, just silly slush.
But now it's playing inside of me, all true and honest,
as if my heart were beating the drum.
How much do you know about life?
Only a little bit. Around the edges.
Tell me about life.
- All about it? - How to live.
Doing what you want, having what you want, saying what you want.
- Being what you want. - Nobody can. Nobody does.
- If you could, you wouldn't want it. - But you're wrong, Brother Sky.
- All right. You tell me about life. - You don't believe I could. Don't you?
I believe I could. After all, it was you that came to me for help, isn't that so?
Because you were unhappy. What were you unhappy about, Sky?
- Well, I can't remember this minute. - But you do remember that I failed you.
I was weighed in the balance and found wanting.
Daniel 5:27.
For that I am truly sorry.
But I intend to make it up to you.
I intend to give you all the help you will ever require.
- You have given me a lot of help already. - You don't think I remember, don't you?
But I do. Every word, as if you were saying it now.
- What? - About having a more...
personal help in mind.
But I gave you those silly old pamphlets,
as if they could take the place of a truly personal help.
How can a sinner hope to be saved by an hour of help when for the rest of the 24
- he must fight temptation alone? - How indeed?
It's been done with people who drink too much, you know.
Help day and night, night and day.
- Anywhere, anytime. - That's a full-time job.
Well, you're a full-time sinner.
Maybe a little time off for good behaviour?
Pal, you're not gonna fight alone any more.
- What if it's against mission policies? - Because I'm gonna be with you.
A one-woman mission for the personal salvation of me?
Day and night, night and day.
Sister Sarah, why would you want to?
Whatever you do, wherever you go.
Why, Sister Sarah? Why?
- I wanna be with you. - The world's full of souls
- closer to salvation than mine. - Anytime, anywhere.
Easier to save and much more worth saving.
You...
Please say something.
I've got to know what you're thinking.
I'm thinking...
It's time you had your dinner.
Still dizzy?
You won't believe me, but with my head underwater I actually heard bells ringing.
I'll believe ya.
- Ask me how do I feel. - How do you feel?
Ask me now that we're cosy and clinging
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a bell I'd be ringing
From the moment we kissed tonight
That's the way I've just got to behave
Boy, if I were a lamp I'd light
And if I were a banner I'd wave
Ask me how do I feel
Little me with my quiet upbringing
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a gate I'd be swinging
And if I were a watch I'd start poppin' my springs
Or if I were a bell I'd go ding dong ding dong ding
Ask me how do I feel
From this chemistry lesson I'm learning
- Chemistry? - Yeah, chemistry!
All I can say is if I were a bridge I'd be burning
Yes, I knew my morale would crack
From the wonderful way that you looked
Boy, if I were a duck I'd quack
Or if I were a goose I'd be cooked
Ask me how do I feel
Ask me now that we're fondly caressing
Pal, if I were a salad I know I'd be splashing my dressing
Ask me how to describe this whole beautiful thing
Well, if I were a bell I'd go ding dong ding dong
Ding
We just got time to catch the last plane to New York.
People miss planes. It happens.
Yeah.
It also happens that people win with loaded dice.
I know what I'm doing.
Do you, kid?
I don't.
Suddenly I'm playin' by a whole new book of rules.
You make me feel as if I were a dishonest horse race or something.
Look, the bells rang. They really rang. They weren't magical bells for lovers,
full of rum and music on a make-believe island.
They rang to tell us what time it is.
Shall we synchronise our watches?
Sarah, I know the night-time. I live in it.
It does funny things to you.
You must be trying to tell me I'd hate myself in the morning.
I look as if I've been in a fight or something.
You know, you're the most mixed-up man
- I've ever met in my life. - Easily.
All that nonsense about night-time and daytime and rule books and such.
Sarah...
You know why I brought you here to Havana?
Because I made a bet that I could.
That's why I came to the mission, to win a bet.
Why not? You're a gambler.
And, darling,
you are also a chump.
We're blocks from the mission.
Come on. A little walk will do you good.
What time is it?
It's dawn any minute.
What makes the light so strange and white?
Because only in Times Square... the dawn gets turned on by an electrician.
- Listen. - What?
Footsteps.
Now is the time you can hear footsteps on Broadway.
Cup of coffee?
Doughnut?
You remember that tune pretty well.
It keeps running through my heart.
It's got words, you know.
Something about "amor, amor", I'll bet.
It's about you.
About you right now.
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And oh how they give you away
Why try to deny
You're a woman in love
When I know very well
What I say
I say no moon in the sky
Ever lent such a glow
Some flame deep within
Made them shine
Those eyes are the eyes
Of a woman in love
And may they gaze
Ever more into mine
Tenderly gaze
Ever more
Into mine
And what about you?
It's got you too
Your eyes are the eyes
Of a man who's in love
That same flame deep within
Made them shine
Your eyes are the eyes
- Of a man who's in love - Woman in love
And may they gaze
Ever more
Into mine
Crazily gaze
Ever more
Into mine
Uncle Arvide!
- Where have you been? - Good morning, Sarah.
Morning, Brother Sky. Well, we took your advice.
We've been out all night on a crusade against the devil.
Come on, fellas. The cops! Come on, guys, let's get outta here.
- Nathan, what is this? - Bingo!
Wait a minute. Where y'all goin'? I'm out ten Gs.
It's no use. They were tipped off.
I suppose you can explain all this, Miss Brown?
Explain? Explain what?
I guess it was just a coincidence that the mission was open and empty all night
while everybody suddenly took off on an all-night crusade.
But you yourself didn't go on the crusade and you weren't here.
Now, maybe that's two coincidences.
Masterson, I had you in my big-time book.
Now I suppose I'll have to reclassify you - under "shills and decoys".
You certainly do know the night-time, don't you, and the funny things it does.
- It certainly did them to me, didn't it? - You only have to answer one question.
It didn't do too much, though, thanks to you, not me. Just more than enough.
- Answer one question. - Any.
Am I now supposed to prove I had nothing to do with this?
- There's nothing to prove. - Are you saying I'm guilty?
Everything has already been proved. If I hadn't gone, this wouldn't have happened.
- You went with me to help the mission. - Did I?
I can't remember that far back.
Oh, Sarah.
Is that really why I went with you? To help the mission?
- Is that really why you took me? - To win the bet. I told you.
Was that all of the bet, Sky, to get me out of the way?
- What do you take me for? - Or was there more? Much more?
Did you win the bet? Did you truly win all of the bet?
What do you take yourself for?
- What kind of a doll are you? - A daytime doll.
A mission doll.
Thank you. And now the feature attraction of our all-new Four-D Follies,
the Hot Box proudly presents Miss Adelaide and her Debutantes.
- Nicely-nicely, thank you. - I didn't ask you how you are.
- Don't. - What are you doing here?
- Where's Nathan? - Nathan. That's what I'm doin' here.
I'm supposed to bring Miss Adelaide a message.
I wish Nathan would bring his own messages.
He bought me the fur thing five winters ago
And the gown the following fall
Then the necklace, the bag, the hat and the shoes
Oh what generous gifts I recall
Then last night in his apartment
He tried to remove them all
And I said as I ran down the hall
Take back your mink
Take back your pearls
What made you think
That I was one of those girls?
Take back the gown
The shoes and the hat
I may be down
But I'm not flat as all that
I thought that each expensive gift you'd arranged was a token of your esteem
Now when I think of what you want in exchange
It all seems a horrible dream
So take back your mink
To from whence it came
And tell them to shorten the sleeves
For some other dame
Take back your mink
Take back your pearls
What made you think
That I was one of those girls?
I'm screaming take back the gown
Take back the hat
I may be down
But I'm not flat as all that
I thought that each expensive gift you'd arranged was a token of your esteem
But when I think of what you want in exchange
It all seems a horrible dream
Take back your mink
Those old worn-out pelts
And go shorten the sleeves
For somebody else
Well, wouldn't you?
I cannot do it. I cannot bring myself to tell Miss Adelaide
Nathan is not going to elope with her.
- She is counting on him. - Nathan is what he is.
She oughta know better. I thought the game broke up last night.
Big Jule, being a large loser, is insistent that the game goes on.
- We find a place and the game goes on. - Where?
I could take you there, but I must deliver this message first.
I'll deliver it. Meet me outside in five minutes.
If you're lookin' for action, the boys are pretty tired.
No, I'm leaving town tonight, but I...
I gave my marker to somebody and I wanna make it good before I leave.
You know something, Sky? Suddenly I'm embarrassed.
- I don't know which etiquette to use. - Etiquette?
Well, your being here tonight must have something to do with the wedding.
Nathan must have sent you as one of his seconds or something?
- Well, Nathan didn't exactly send me. - Then I don't understand.
I'm supposed to give you a message from him.
He's out there, isn't he? I mean, Nathan's here tonight in the Hot Box?
No.
But tonight...
Sky, we're eloping tonight.
We're getting married tonight. In front of all those people we talked about it.
- Sky, he's just gotta be here! - Well, he isn't.
It seems that one of Nathan's close relatives...
- His aunt in Pittsburgh? - That's the one.
His floating aunt in Pittsburgh.
- It's the crap game again. - Does it surprise you? You know Nathan.
- But he promised to change. - Change!
Who do you wanna marry? Nathan or what you wanna make out of him?
I wanna marry and live normal like people.
I wanna have a normal home with wallpaper and book ends.
Well, then, fall in love with people. Not with gamblers.
Adelaide...
My daddy once told me: No matter who you get married to,
you wake up married to somebody else. You take it the way the dice falls.
But a guy doesn't wanna feel that he's just like a piece of material
a woman'll cut up and sew according to the way they wear husbands this year.
It's easy for you to talk. You're not in love with Nathan.
No, I'm not.
Wait till you fall in love with somebody you shouldn't.
Wait till it happens to you.
Yeah...
Must be tough to take.
I don't think Sky had any more to do with what happened here last night than I did.
That's why you buy solid gold watches for a dollar.
- Do you believe it? - Whether he had a hand in it or not...
- Do you believe it? - They used our mission for their game.
- But if Sky had nothing to do with it... - Don't you understand?!
All I could see was him running away from the police with the rest of that trash.
All I could see was that he was one of them.
And I never saw till now how much in love with him you are.
- I'll get over it. - Why would anyone wanna get over
the thing you hope for from the minute you're born and remember till you die?
- I'll get over it. - Why?
Because it's the greatest reward that woman or man can have,
to love and to be loved?
I just wanna remind you.
You hold my marker for 12 or more sinners by midnight tonight.
- Forget about it. - I do not forget a marker.
Well, last night the mission was filled with your friends. Let's say we're even.
If you don't make that marker good, I'll buzz it all over town you're a welsher.
- Time is running out. Where's the game? - Only a ten-minute walk.
- Which way? - This way.
Wait a minute! Where y'all goin'?
- I come here to shoot crap. - I had enough.
How many days we all been here?
As you can see, Big Jule, the boys are fatigued from weariness,
having been shooting crap for quite a while now, namely 24 hours.
I don't care who's tired. I'm out 25 Gs. Nobody leaves.
I am half dead.
If you do not shut up, Big Jule will arrange the other half.
And since I've been cleaned out of cash, I announce that I will now play on credit.
Big Jule, you cannot imagine how exhausted they are.
Especially on a non-cash basis. Me, personally, I'm fresh as a daisy.
- Then I'll play with you. - But I am not a player.
- I am merely the operator. - You been raking down out of every pot.
You must have quite a bundle.
Being I assume the risk, is it not fair I should assume some dough?
Detroit, I'm gonna roll ya, willy or nilly.
If I lose... I'll give you my marker.
- And if I lose? - You will give him cash.
Let me hear from Big Jule.
You'll give me cash.
I heard.
Here's my marker. Put up your dough.
- Anything wrong? - "IOU one thousand. Signed X."
How can you write "one thousand" but not your signature?
I was good in arithmetic but I stunk in English.
Here. This'll put you through Harvard.
I'm rollin' the whole thousand.
And to change my luck, I'm going to use my own dice.
- Your own dice? - I had 'em made especially in Chicago.
I do not wish to seem petty, but may I have a look at those dice?
But these dice ain't got no spots on 'em. They're blank.
I had the spots removed for luck. But I remember where the spots formerly were.
You are going to roll blank dice and remember where the spots were?
Detroit... do you doubt my memory?
Big Jule, I have great trust in you.
Five and a five. Ten. My points: ten.
At least I got a chance. He remembered a hard point.
Ten. I win. Six and a four.
- Which is the six and which is the four? - Either way. I'm rollin' the 2,000.
Seven. I win.
I could have sworn he would've remembered that.
Detroit...
I'm gonna take it easy with you this time.
I'm shootin' a dollar.
I'll cover all of it.
How do ya like that? Snake eyes. I lose.
I won't even bother to pick it up. Benny, pick it up.
Detroit, I'm gonna give you a chance to get even. I'm rollin' three Gs.
Three Gs! But that's my whole bankroll.
Three Gs. Get it up.
Well, here we go.
Down memory lane.
Lucky me. Eleven.
- I win. - I'm clean.
Seein' that I'm on a lucky streak, I will now roll the rest of you guys.
Wait a minute. You have got to give me a chance to get even.
I will now roll you with my dice.
- What you gonna use for money? - I will give you my marker.
And against your marker, you want Big Jule to put up cash?
- Nathan done it. - Yeah, I done it.
- What kind of a deal is this? - Take it easy.
Him and his no-spot dice! Somebody oughta knock the spots off of him.
Hey, Nathan, do not make Big Jule have to do somethin' to you.
Detroit, I'm on my vacation. Don't louse it up.
What could you do me? Shoot me? Put me in cement?
At least I would know where I am. I risk my neck to set up this crap game.
I even promise to get married on account of it. And where do I wind up?
Broke, in a sewer. Believe me, my tough friend from Chicago,
nothing you could do to me would not cheer me up.
Here they are.
- And how is everybody down here? - I smell fresh blood. Lookin' for action?
Not at the moment. I just came to talk to some of my friends.
- We're shootin' crap. - It'll only take a minute.
We're shootin' crap.
I would like to talk to you about Sarah Brown's mission,
where you were interrupted last night.
What kind of characters walk around the sewers of New York? Who is this joker?
Like I told you, he is the guy who was tryin' to take the mission doll to Havana.
Oh, him. I suggest you return the way you came, back to your prayin' tomato.
Around here your presence is slowin' up the action.
If you are so eager for action, would you care to make a wager on a proposition?
- Pray tell, what's the proposition? - An old one my daddy taught me.
- Now am I right-handed or left-handed? - Now how would I know a thing like that?
Well, I will give you a clue.
Nathan, give me that gu...
Now, to continue with what I was talking about...
Tonight in the mission they are holding a prayer meeting.
I promised to supply that meeting with some sinners.
When it comes to sinners, no sewer in the world could provide such a congregation.
I would consider it a very great personal favour...
I don't wanna spend no time in no hallelujah joint.
If not as a favour to me, a favour to yourselves.
The air in the mission smells cleaner than it does down here.
Rusty Charlie?
Society Max?
If anybody else would go, I would also go, Sky. But you know me - I go anywhere.
Well, thanks, Nathan, but just you alone is not enough.
Well, I tried.
Sky...
About that Havana business.
I regret that I temporarily do not have the 1,000 to pay you.
I'm glad you reminded me, Nathan.
You won the bet.
But I thought you took Miss Sarah to Havana.
You thought wrong.
Get on your feet, Big Jule. I now have dough to roll you again.
- But with real dice. - Nothin' doin'.
With honest dice, Big Jule cannot make a pass to save his soul.
- What did you say? - I said, with real dice,
Big Jule cannot make a pass to save his soul.
That's very interesting.
Then maybe with honest dice,
I can make a pass to save his soul.
And yours and yours and yours.
I'm gonna roll these dice.
One roll. And on that roll I'm gonna bet each of you $1,000 against your soul.
1,000 cash against a marker for your soul.
If I win, all of you show up at the mission tonight. Have I got a bet?
Let me get this - hold it. Let me get this.
If you lose, then you gotta give us each 1,000 bucks?
But if you win, then we all gotta show up at the mission doll's cabaret?
Save-A-Soul Mission, midnight. One meeting.
- If you lose, 1,000 apiece? - 1,000 apiece.
- Well, that's OK by me. - What have I got to lose?
What's the delay, Sky? You turnin' chicken?
You know better than that, Horse. You've seen me roll for twice as much.
Only I got...
I got a lot more than money riding on this one.
They call you Lady Luck
But there is room for doubt
At times you have a very unladylike way
Of runnin' out
You're on this date with me
The pickings have been lush
And yet before this evening is over
You might give me the brush
You might forget your manners, you might refuse to stay
And so the best that I can do
Is pray
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, if you've ever been a lady to begin with
Luck, be a lady tonight
Luck, let a gentleman see
How nice a dame you can be
I know the way you've treated other guys you've been with
Luck, be a lady with me
A lady doesn't leave her escort
It isn't fair, it isn't nice
A lady doesn't wander all over the room
And blow on some other guy's dice
So let's keep the party polite
Never get out of my sight
Stick with me, baby, I'm the fella you came in with
Luck, be a lady
Luck, be a lady tonight
A lady wouldn't flirt with strangers
She'd have a heart, she'd have a soul
A lady wouldn't make little snake eyes at me
When I've bet my life on this roll
So let's keep the party polite
Why don't he shoot?
- Never get out of my sight - Come on! Quit stalling!
Stick with me, baby, I'm the fella you came in with
- Be a lady - Sky's turnin' yellow!
- Luck, be a lady - What are you scared of?
- Luck, be a lady - What's the matter? Roll the dice!
- Tonight - Comin' out, comin' out
Comin' out, comin' out, comin' out right
- I tell ya, I don't wanna go there! - But, Big Jule, you give your marker.
And if you welsh, this will cause me no little embarrassment.
I am sure you do not wanna cause me embarrassment.
Well, if it ever gets back to Chicago that I went to a prayer meeting,
no decent person will talk to me.
- Adelaide! - How clumsy of me.
So sorry. An awkward coincident.
Adelaide, listen. I sent Nicely especially to explain about tonight.
- If you knew what I'd been through. - Please. Let us not have a vulgar scene.
After all, we're civilised people. We do not have to conduct ourselves like a slob.
Adelaide, what is this? How can you be so upset over one lousy elopement?
I am not upset. I have succeeded in your not being able to upset me no more.
I have got you completely out of my...
- Gesundheit. - ..system.
Oh, Nathan!
Adelaide, baby.
Don't do that to me. I can't stand it when you cry.
Look, we'll get married, I promise you. And we'll have what you always wanted.
A little white house with a green fence.
Just like the Whitney colours.
Oh, Nathan. If I could only believe you.
We could still make everything all right.
- We could elope right now. - Adelaide, could we?
I almost forgot... but right at this time I cannot.
- Why not? - I'm gonna tell the truth,
- but you will not believe me. - Nathan, why can't we elope?
I have to go to a prayer meeting.
That is the biggest and most unforgivable lie you have ever told me.
It's true. I promise you.
You promise me this, you promise me that
You promise me everything under the sun, but you give me a kiss
And you're grabbin' your hat and you're off to the races again
- When I think of the time gone by - Adelaide, Adelaide...
- And I think of the way I try - Adelaide...
I could honestly die
Call a lawyer and sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
Give a holler and hate me, hate me
- Go ahead, hate me, I love you - The best years of my life
I was a fool to give to you
All right already, I'm just a no-goodnik
All right already, it's true
So nu?
So sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
You gamble it here, you gamble it there, you gamble on everything all except me
And I'm sick of you keepin' me up in the air till you're back in the money again
- When I think of the time gone by - Adelaide, Adelaide...
- And I think of the way I try - Adelaide...
I could honestly die
Serve a paper and sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
Give a holler and hate me, hate me
- Go ahead, hate me, I love you - When you wind up in jail
Don't come to me to bail you out
All right already, so call a policeman
All right already, it's true
So nu?
So sue me, sue me
What can you do me?
I love you
You're at it again, you're running the game
I'm not gonna play second fiddle to that
I'm sick and I'm tired of starting a row and I'm telling you now that we're through
- When I think of the time gone by - Adelaide, Adelaide...
- And I think of the way I try - Adelaide!
I could honestly die
Sue me, sue me
Shoot bullets through me
I love you
According to my wrist chronometer, it's well past midnight.
If this big meeting were going to be as big as you'd hoped,
- by now somebody... - You're quite right, General.
- Sarah. - Why keep up this silly pretending?
It was childish of us to think we could suddenly make sinners appear
when we've failed so miserably up to now.
And when I say "we", General, I mean I've failed.
Welcome, brothers, welcome! Come in, come in!
Come on. Move in. Move in. Everybody in.
Hats off. Step along.
You too, Big Jule.
Move it. Come on, kid.
Keep movin'. Come on.
Is everybody accounted for?
- Where's Nathan Detroit? - Present.
All right.
Well, I made good my marker. I oughta ask you to return it,
but it would break up your pretty set of thoughts for today.
When you get around to it, mark it "paid in full".
Won't you gentlemen sit down?
Sit down. Do as you're told.
On behalf of General Cartwright, Sergeant Sarah Brown and the rest of us...
The army's certainly changed. In the next war I wanna be a Red Cross nurse.
Quiet!
I would like to remind you, you are no longer on your knees in a sewer,
but sitting in a mission. I trust that there will be no further unpleasantness.
And now, since I depart to move on to other places,
I'm appointing Nathan Detroit as my deputy.
Nathan, I hand you all their markers, to be returned when they are made good.
Anybody who does not play strictly according to Hoyle
will answer to me personally.
And that means in person.
What a remarkable young man.
I will add nothin' to what Sky said, except to say that there are many here
upon who, if they get outta line, I would squeal with pleasure.
Brother Arvide, your dice.
Gentlemen, our meeting will be conducted by the regional director
of the Save-A-Soul Mission, General Cartwright.
I have rarely attended a meeting in any of our branches
which could boast of so many evil-Iooking sinners.
Now surely your hearts must be heavy with sins to which you want to confess.
Who will be the first to start by giving testimony?
- Benny Southstreet, give testimony. - I plead the fifth commandment.
Come, brothers. We know how difficult it is.
But if one will open your heart, the others will follow.
Benny, this is an order. Tell the people what a bum you are.
Well... I was always a bad guy.
I was even a bad gambler. I would like to be a good guy and a good gambler.
I thank you.
- Who will be next? - Big Jule.
What's the pitch?
Tell the people all the terrible things you done but ain't gonna do no more.
And watch your language.
Well, I used to be bad when I was a kid.
But ever since then I've gone straight, as I can prove by my record -
33 arrests and no convictions.
- Horse. - No.
- Harry the Horse. - Go ahead.
Well, when Sky was rollin' us against our souls, I...
- I beg your pardon? - Sky Masterson.
He rolled us 1,000 bucks. That's why we're here.
- I don't think I understand. - I'll interpret for you, General.
He means that they are here only because Sky Masterson won them in a dice game.
Then this whole meeting, in a way, is the result of gambling.
Fire fought with fire.
Sergeant Sarah, you are to be congratulated.
Congratulations, Sarah.
Thank you so much.
I ain't finished my testimony yet.
So, my sin is that when Sky was rollin' us,
I wished that I could win the 1,000 bucks instead of havin' to come here.
But now that I'm here,
I still wish it.
Something very funny has been happening to me. Sitting here, I mean.
Like I've been remembering a dream.
Tell us, Nicely. Tell us in your own words.
Yeah, that's it. A dream.
I dreamed last night I got on the boat to heaven
And by some chance I had brought my dice along
And there I stood and I hollered "Someone fade me!"
But the passengers, they knew right from wrong
For the people all said sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
People all said sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil'll drag you under by the sharp lapel of your chequered coat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
I sailed away on that little boat to heaven
And by some chance found a bottle in my fist
And there I stood, nicely passin' out the whisky
But the passengers were bound to resist
For the people all said beware, you're on a heavenly trip
People all said beware, beware, you'll scuttle the ship
And the devil'll drag you under by the fancy tie round your wicked throat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And as I laughed at those passengers to heaven
A great big wave came and washed me overboard
And as I sank and I hollered "Someone save me!"
That's the moment I woke up
- Thank the Lord - Thank the Lord
Thank the Lord
And I said to myself sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
Said to myself sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
And the devil'll drag you under, with a soul so heavy you'd never float
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, you're rockin' the boat
- Sit down - You're rockin'
The boat
Now, Brother Brannigan, what can we do for you?
Maybe you would like to testify?
I'll do my testifying in court,
where I will testify that you ran a crap game here in the mission last night.
A crap game? In the mission?
Miss Sarah, you were standing right there when they ran out. You saw them.
Aren't these the men?
You must be mistaken, Lieutenant.
I never saw these gentlemen before in my life.
There's a right broad.
And now if you'll excuse us, Lieutenant, we'd like to go on with our meeting.
Tell me somethin'. Is my name Brannigan?
- When last seen. - Thanks.
I was beginnin' to wonder.
On behalf of everybody concerned, thanks, Miss Sarah.
Also at this time I would like to personally make a confession.
General, we did shoot crap here last night,
but unbeknownst to anybody connected with the mission.
And for this we're all sorry.
Ain't we, boys?
I'm really sorry.
I did another terrible thing. I bet a certain guy that he could not take
a certain doll away with him on a trip to Havana.
I know this I should not have done, although it did not do no harm because...
Well, I won the bet.
- You won the bet? - Sure.
The guy told me he did not take the doll away.
And for this I feel much better.
Gentlemen, we will now sing number 244 in your songbook - "Follow the Fold".
You will find it on page 27.
Follow the fold and stray no more
Stray no more, stray no more
Put down the bottle and we'll say no more
Follow, follow the fold
Brothers and sisters, as you know, traffic is heavy this time of night,
so our ceremony will be brief.
Do you, Sarah Brown, take Sky Masterson to be your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Sky Masterson, take Sarah Brown to be your lawful wedded wife?
I do.
Do you, Adelaide, take Nathan Detroit to be your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Nathan Detroit, take Miss Adelaide to be your lawful wedded wife?
- He does. - He's gotta say it.
I do.
Then, under the authority granted me by the state, county and city of New York,
I hereby pronounce you men and wives.
When you see a guy reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that he's doin' it for some doll
When you spot a John waiting out in the rain
Chances are he's insane as only a John can be for a Jane
When you meet a gent paying all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal
Call it sad, call it funny
But it's better than even money
That the guy's only doing it
For some doll
Visiontext Subtitles: Sally Lewis