What! You scared me.
I know. Look, the car is temporarily out of order.
It will be ready in a minute.
- Get this thing out of here now. - Get a move on.
Wait, guys. Don't get excited.
I'm trying to get this thing...
Would you move your car out of the way?
I'm very sorry. I'm very, very sorry.
It always starts sooner or later if we're really patient.
This happens a lot, and I'm gonna be okay.
Can you open the door?
- Can you open the door? - I can't. Look!
See. See this thing?
It's always been that way. I can't open it.
- Oh, God. - Get this thing out of here.
- I don't blame you. - You've got to move.
I'd open the door, but I can't.
I can't. I'm locked in here.
I'm gonna have an anxiety attack. Oh, no.
This is great. Gosh, thank you so much.
- Anytime. - I'm so late.
Second time this week.
- I'm late. - You are?
Yeah.
Lou's gonna kill me.
If tonight's banquet in honor of the visiting...
... Emir Khala'ad bin Abdul Majid has its desired effect...
... State Department insiders predict that administrators will announce...
... the start of construction on a major military base...
... in the emir's strategically located Middle Eastern country.
State Department...
Presidential aide John J. Hilley was accused of being overly ambitious...
... and overly zealous by several congressmen...
Brad, not in the middle of the afternoon.
Kim, middle of the afternoon, middle of the night. What's the difference?
Brad, we can't. It's just not right.
Right? I'll show you what's right. This is right.
This.
And this.
Hi, sweetie. I'm late.
- The car? - Yeah.
Oh, taxi! Taxi!
- Hey, Sunny, no car? - No car.
- Can I give you a ride home? - No, thanks. I got a date!
- Hi, Lou. - Nice, Sunny.
Nice. Thank you very much for showing up.
Oh, jeez, am I late?
Why were you running if you didn't know?
Exercise.
Funny, very funny. See, I can't pay my taxes here.
- The joint's dying... - I'm real sorry.
I'll be on time the rest of the week, okay?
What rest of the week? It's Friday.
You can make it up by working cleanup tonight.
Lou, not tonight, please. I have a date.
Sunny, you going out?
Guess.
- The Friday night special. - Come on, Donna, give me a break.
He's not so bad. What do you expect, for chrissakes?
This is D.C. The men are all married or gay or work for the government.
Or all three.
- How come you got the zebra? - I got here first.
Does that mean I get the giraffe?
No, Francine has the giraffe tonight.
- Oh, no! - Oh, yes.
Oh, no way!
No way! There's absolutely no way I'm...
What's the matter?
I will not walk around this place dressed like a goddamn chicken!
That is not a chicken. That is an emu.
An "emu"? I never heard of an emu.
Nobody I know ever heard of an emu. So wear it yourself.
No, dear, I'm not a chicken. I'm an emu.
That's "emu." E-M-U.
No, sweetie, I will not sit on your eggs.
I gotta get something together for my car, which had a breakdown today.
I am so broke.
See that guy over there? The one with the green jacket.
Yeah.
He's looking for a good time.
He'll have trouble finding it.
I know you don't go for stuff like that...
...but the guy gave me 10 bucks for an introduction.
- An introduction, that's all. - Yeah?
Tell him I said, "How do you do?"
Hey, Sunshine, listen to me.
I've got a couple extra hundred bucks that I'm not doing anything with.
You wouldn't have to pay me back right away.
- I'm okay, Ella, really. - I'm serious.
- You know my friend I told you about? - Sure.
He's been real generous lately. Real generous, know what I mean?
I think so.
See this.
- Now, don't tell anyone. It's real. - Wow!
See these? They're not.
He paid for all three.
Now, listen, my friend has some friends...
...very nice guys.
- You should go out with them. - No, Ella, I couldn't.
I didn't say you're lying.
I said I find it very interesting that you used the same excuse last week.
No, that was last week!
Your sister's kids' measles was the week before.
I'm not yelling, I'm just speaking distinctly!
No, you can't come over later. Later is the middle of the night.
While we're on the subject I want to say something...
- God, it's got to get better. - Does it?
Doesn't it?
Sure it does.
- Good night, sweetheart. - Good night, honey.
Among the celebrities we expect to see tonight are the president himself...
...and his honored guest, the Emir Khala'ad bin Abdul Majid.
Washington insiders consider tonight's gala the beginning...
...of attempts on the part of the administration...
...to arrange a strategic deal with the emir.
It would involve the establishment of a major American military presence...
...in that Middle Eastern country.
Although the emir struggled for years to reconcile dissident factions...
...within his traditionally conservative nation...
...he is considered powerful enough, if not popular enough...
...to assure his own people that the long-term economic benefits...
...from such an arrangement would help his suffering country.
Excuse me.
Who is it? Is it the president?
- Mrs. St. John, just one more. - Elizabeth!
How are you?
This is our car.
Ouch.
What do you got in there, a gun?
A gun?
A gun!
I got him! I got him!
He got me! He got me!
At approximately 11:45, when the president's banquet...
... in honor of the visit of the Emir Khala'ad bin Abdul Majid was ending...
... and the would-be assassin appeared in the crowd...
The information we have developed so far reveals...
... that the name of that real-life heroine is Sunny Ann Davis.
Her selfless act in the face of danger...
The waitress threw herself in the path of the bullet...
... from a would-be killer's gun.
- Jerry. - What?
It's Sunny.
There is still no word as to her condition. On the lighter side...
No identification yet of the gun-wielding man who...
... to the horror of terrified witnesses...
... made his abortive attempt on the life of the emir.
We have not been told how serious the brave Ms. Davis' condition is...
Oh, my God!
... or even where, precisely, she was wounded.
Forceps.
I think I've got it.
Suture, please.
Beautiful. Really beautiful.
Thank you.
How did you happen to be there?
I was coming out of the hotel. I was working 7- 11 that night.
But I was late at this time because of all the C.A.
- C.A.? - Citizen activity.
- I don't know that technical jargon... - Security guard talk, Bob.
What did you think when you heard the shots?
I thought, "My God, somebody's shooting."
And the man that was firing. Did you actually see him?
Yeah, I'd clocked him a while before, because he was a bit funny.
I figured. "What the heck.
He's just a fanatic who hangs around when something's going on. "
- What did you do? - There wasn't anything I could do.
There was no reason. At the Craigmore School of Security...
... we're told never to impede on an individual's rights.
Even after he pulled his weapon out?
Then you go right into standard operating procedure.
What would standard operating procedure be in this case?
In this particular case, I forgot.
Do you remember how many shots were fired?
Sure, yeah. Between two and...
Between about three and eight. Or nine.
She is behind me in one of the rooms of the George Washington Hospital...
... and according to the latest bulletin, she's fine.
There's a rumor that someone from the White House...
...perhaps the president...
...will pay a visit to this young lady...
...whose unusual display of bravery, of intestinal fortitude...
...of old-fashioned American guts, have thrust her into the harsh...
...yet warm and grateful light of media attention.
Will you give these to Sunny?
They're from the United Ladies for a Better America!
I'm her cousin on her mother's side.
Look. Don't I look like her?
Look at me! Don't I look like her?
I'm afraid I can't comment at the moment on this.
There will be a press conference this morning.
Check me out! I'm a personal friend of Norman Mailer!
Thank you.
Give us a break!
- More mail! - More mail, Sunny. More mail!
I'm visiting my friend Sunny, the national hero.
I'll call back later. Or better yet, call me.
Lou Fox of the Safari Club.
Mom, you should see this room. It's beautiful!
It's like a honeymoon suite.
I've got pictures. I can see the Capitol from the window.
Look at this. From Wayne Newton.
- More mail. - More mail!
This is so exciting. I can't...
Barry Manilow.
Mom, listen, I think I'm coming home soon.
Yeah, they're gonna pay for it.
Yeah, they're paying... Who are you?
I'm Mike Ransome.
I'm the Middle East desk chief over at the State Department.
I'm here to help you get through your press conference.
Mom, I'll call you back. Give my love to Dad.
Okay, bye-bye.
You sure don't look like one.
- Like one what? - A middle-aged desk clerk.
No, no, that's Middle East desk chief.
- More mail. - More mail!
- You're hearing from a lot of people? - Liza Minnelli!
This is a list of 90 names. All marriage proposals.
Well, I may have to turn some of them down.
Are you married, Mr. Ransome?
Hey, Donna, come on. Give the guy a break, okay?
I mean, really.
- Are you married, Mr. Ransome? - Not anymore.
- Congratulations, neither am I. - I know.
Oh, yeah? What else do you know?
I know that we don't have much time.
If you'll just let me fill you in on this material...
This map is part of the background material we're giving to the press.
Here is the emir's country.
- In yellow? - Yes.
And pretty. It's a pretty little country.
You cannot help but discern its strategic importance...
...to the West in terms of its proximity to the Gulf.
And its value as a buffer, geographically speaking...
...between these two rival nations.
Wow.
Dr. Pearlman, chief of surgery at George Washington University Hospital.
He's finishing his report on the details of Ms. Davis' condition.
The young lady herself, in the center of all...
Mr. Hilley's office.
Would you hold a moment, senator?
Can you speak with Senator Miller?
Tell him I'll call him back when this is over.
I want to watch it.
I apologize, senator.
Can Mr. Hilley call you back as soon as this press conference is over?
It won't be but a minute.
Wonderful. Thank you. Bye-bye.
Let's take our cameras down as Sunny Davis is wheeled to the microphone.
- Would you like to speak first? - No, not really.
Well, yes.
Well, I'd like to say thank you...
...to everybody at the hospital...
...for being so nice and taking such good care of me.
And I'd like to tell everybody in America...
... that this is the best place to come if you're ever shot in the ass.
- Is the chief watching this? - Don't know.
- What did he say when you talked? - He was napping.
Can you tell us what you're going to do next?
Well, I'm gonna go home to Oregon and visit my folks.
And relax and see what new things my dad's invented in his workshop.
And check on my dog and eat some of my mom's huckleberry pie...
... which is the best in the world.
Jesus Christ, what is this cornball routine?
- Look at them. - Who?
Them. The hard-boiled press.
They're eating it up.
Then there's my grandma and grandpa who I haven't seen in a long time.
Gosh, they're in their 70s and in really great shape.
Grandma still volunteers as a crossing guard.
She's gonna sing the national anthem next.
Hi, Grandma. If you're watching, I'll see you soon.
I'll bet Grandpa was personally decorated by Eisenhower.
My grandfather used to pitch for the Salem Rockets...
...which was an AA league. - Even better.
He was MVP two years running, and we're very proud of him.
- Maybe she's running for office. - Come on.
To be that dumb and run for office?
- What about your personal life? - What about it?
For starters, you live with two men. Is that right?
- No. - It isn't?
I live in a small part of a house that belongs to two men who live together.
You understand the difference.
Let's go on to something else then.
When you first realized that the alleged assailant...
Alleged? You want to see alleged?
I'll show you alleged.
I've seen enough.
Would you get the president for me, please?
She's got the working women, the small-town folks...
...the senior citizens, the gays, the law-and-order bunch!
And the baseball fans and the barflies and the animal lovers!
- Margaret! - Yes. Yes, sir.
Make sure the line to the hospital is clear. Patch it through now!
Do it! Do it!
She really is something, sir.
Truthfully, I never heard of the emir before last night.
I wasn't risking my life for him or anything.
I thought he was trying to shoot the president.
- Tell him to make the call now. - He's talking.
I didn't say "give my life," I said "risk."
He is our president.
No, sir.
Yes, sir.
No.
Do you support the president generally?
Do you think he's doing a good job?
He gets paid a lot more than me, so he must be doing something right.
Make the call!
- Did you vote for the president? - I never voted.
- Never? - Right, never.
Do you consider yourself a Republican or a Democrat?
Look, I consider myself to be just an American.
Tell him to make the goddamn call!
There's a call here that some of you may want to listen to.
Who is it?
Hello?
Mr. President?
It's the president!
From Washington D.C., CNN Headline News, top story...
I'd like to tell everybody in America...
... that this is the best place to come if you're ever shot in the...
Tonight, Sunny Davis speaks up.
Hi, Grandma...
Sunny on Monday at 7:30.
From Hollywood, The Tonight Show, starring Johnny Carson.
Tonight, Johnny's one and only guest, Sunny Davis.
She's got the gun here. See?
Okay, now run please, run.
Now she's opening her mouth. See? She's opening her mouth.
- She's determined. - She pulls him down.
See, there it is. She bites him here. And he screams...
Coming up: saints, sinners and Sunny Davis.
Good evening, tonight's lead story, the celebrity of Sunny Davis.
Do you think you'd do this again?
Stay tuned, the news continues.
Oh, absolutely, Your Majesty.
No problem.
And we get the base?
- He really said that? - Yes, Marietta, he really said that.
Well, I'm convinced.
Yes, but are we really being fair to her?
It's an extremely volatile situation. She's a totally inexperienced...
She's a drink hustler in a clip joint.
We're giving her a shot. You think she'll say no?
Coffee, gentlemen?
- Shouldn't the president know? - I don't think so, Michael.
You're right, Marietta. I think we can handle this among ourselves.
Besides, it's almost 9:30.
The president has retired. He has a difficult day tomorrow.
Yeah, he has to get up.
Early. Get up early.
Okay, who can we get to go talk to the girl and impress her?
Let's think. There must be someone.
Someone who's reasonably good-natured...
...has a relatively high TVQ...
...and nothing important to do.
This is the first time anyone like the vice president has visited our city.
But the governor is here a lot to visit his sister Clara...
...who lives just outside of town. - We're sure proud of that.
Here's the Cougar band coming around the corner at Main and Superior.
Right past Schmitter's Hardware.
Sunny Davis graduated in the top 75% of her class at Diamond Junction High.
She was a pep girl, a member of the hair-dressing club...
... and an expert Ping-Pong player.
Laurel, describe some of the fashions here.
Well, Sunny Davis is wearing a red smock, I guess you'd call it.
The vice president is wearing a suit.
There's Mayor Bernholtz.
He'll give Sunny, Diamond Junction's version of the key to our city...
... the gold chain saw...
... with Sunny's name engraved on the blade.
Courtesy of Schmitter's Hardware, corner of Main and Superior.
Bless you!
Thank you.
Come on, boy. Come on.
Here, come on!
Here it is. Here you go, boy. Come on.
Give it to me.
Come on.
What do you think?
Really fine.
- You think so, honest? - Absolutely. I do.
It's like a real professional job.
- Are you serious? - Totally.
My own cleaners back in D.C. couldn't do it.
- Which ones? - Top Hat and Tails Express.
- On 4th Street? - Yes.
- Near the court? - Yes.
They're terrible. They once ruined a blouse of mine.
It was very delicate material. It was very fragile.
Yes.
- And they ripped it to shreds. - Really?
Shreds.
It's hard to believe what so-called professionals will do, you know?
I think so, yes.
Because professionals, well, they don't always care, you know?
Anyway...
Let me take them in.
- I want to do the cuffs. - It's not necessary.
Necessary?
Are you kidding? This is an honor for me.
This is another major event in my life.
Well, I must say, this is very impressive, Mrs. Davis.
Isn't this impressive, Michael?
Yes, sir. Certainly is, sir.
Just what is that vegetable dish, might I ask?
That's another of Dad's inventions.
- It is? - Aspara-barb.
- How's that? - Cross between asparagus and rhubarb.
I grow the stuff out back.
Looks like hell, but it's delicious.
I'll bet it is.
Mr. Davis has developed quite a few original notions.
Later, I'll take you to the basement...
...and show you something that'll knock your socks off.
Really? What might that be?
Not now, dear.
Could save our country 50% of its water bills.
- After dinner, Dad. - 50% of its water bills?
Yes, I'd be interested in hearing about that.
It's an electric toilet.
You won't forget the experience, I guarantee it.
Later, Dad.
Popcorn! Popcorn!
Don't jump on the nice Mr. Vice President.
- You want me to get rid of him? - No, absolutely not.
Not at all.
Nice dog.
- I wonder why you call him Popcorn? - That was his father's name.
Of course.
- So, let's talk about the future. - Okay.
First of all, how is...?
That's just about as good as new.
You'd have to look very close to see the scar.
Well, I'll take your word for it.
Sunny, what are your plans?
I don't have any.
I mean, well, I have a job at the Safari Club.
Lou, well he's my boss, and he's really a nice guy...
...but business is slow.
And I was kind of hoping for an advancement, you know.
But Lou's aunt works the cash register and his sister's the hostess.
So I'm gonna have to wait around until one of them quits or drops dead.
I guess you know what that's like.
Sunny...
...we want you to come and work with us.
What do you mean?
Well, we think you've proven yourself to be a truly valuable citizen.
You'd be a valuable addition to our team.
- Are you kidding? - No.
Well, oh, my gosh, what would I be doing?
Well, you'd be acting as a special assistant to Ambassador St. John.
- Do you know who that is? - I don't know.
No, I don't think so. I know I don't know.
- Who is he? - She.
She? She's a she?
She's the head of a department of government that we think...
...you'd be well-suited for.
And what department is that?
Protocol.
That's... Gosh, that's...
I don't believe it. Protocol?
Protocol!
Could you just...?
I'll be right back. Could you just wait here?
I'll just be right back.
Protocol.
You won't believe what just happened.
What happened?
- What's wrong with you? - P-R-O-T-O-K...
Wait a minute, guys.
"Protocol: the customs and regulations...
...dealing with the ceremonies and etiquette of the diplomatic corps."
It's a job.
She just got a job.
It's a job. They want me to work for them.
Work where?
Oh, thank you!
Exactly where would I be working?
The State Department.
I was wondering, does a job like that pay by the hour or the week or what?
Well, for a start, about 35,000 a year.
"Dear Falcon: Pigeon in cage. Signed, Eagle. "
Dad, these books the Protocol Department sent...
...are filled with weird rules.
"Never cross your legs in front of an African chief...
...because the sole of the shoe is considered an insult."
I better be more careful!
Oh, God, you wouldn't believe all the rules they've got in this book.
Half of them don't make sense at all.
I don't know how I'll learn it all.
Stop worrying. You're like your mother.
You'll do okay.
I just hope I don't screw up.
- You won't. - There's so much...
You won't.
Before you go, I want to tell you how proud I am of you.
What you did, grabbing that assassin and all.
That's the first time you ever said anything like that.
It's the first time you ever did anything like that.
- Excuse me. - Hello, Sunny.
I'm Earl Crowe, and I'm real happy you're here.
I'm the deputy chief of Protocol. But you can call me Earl.
And I'm going to take you in to meet the boss.
Mrs. St. John?
That's right. She's a wild woman, Sunny.
A wild woman. She's tough, but she's fair.
She works 26 hours a day and gives you 200 percent.
She must be exhausted.
But seriously, Sunny, how is that hip?
- Great. - That's wonderful.
The one where the bullet went in still aches.
There she is!
This flower is from every one of us.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much.
Sunny, Sunny, Sunny, Sunny.
Sunny.
Do you know what you've done?
What?
You don't have the slightest idea what you've done?
- I don't think so. - You really don't?
Well, whatever it is, I know that I can fix it, or clean it up, or...
Oh, she's priceless. Priceless!
You brought us together.
And now I think I have something for you that will please you very much.
- This is where I'll be working? - Yes.
Oh, and this is my phone...
With your own extension.
Oh, this is very exciting for me, ma'am.
I'm sure it is, dear.
You know, Sunny...
...you must prepare yourself for all kinds of new experiences.
I guess so.
You must learn to accept new sights, new sounds...
...new, exotic fragrances, so to speak.
Ambassador St. John, your call to the Austrian council.
You must be exhausted from your trip...
...so I suggest you go home and get some rest.
The limousine will pick you up at 7.
What limousine is that, ma'am?
Tonight's reception will be quite formal, so wear something pretty.
Sunny...
...I think you're going to have a remarkable future.
Even sooner than you think.
They talk funny.
Funny, how?
They say things they don't really say...
...but I can't figure out what the hell it is.
Jerry...
...tell me the truth.
Am I one of those, " Oh, yeah, she's really a lot of fun...
...she's got a sense of humor, but she's not a bright kind of people"?
Come on, Sunny, don't be ridiculous.
You're a very bright kind of people.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
What are you gonna be doing specifically?
Well, specifically, I don't know.
But whatever it is, I know it will include new sights...
...and new, exotic fragrances.
Your own line of fragrances?
John J. Hilley, White House.
- Sunny Davis. - Pat Hassler.
Sunny Davis.
The president asked me to deliver a message.
- You're kidding. - Absolutely not.
He said that he's extremely proud that you're with us.
Did he really say that?
Yes, he also knows you're ready to do whatever your country asks of you.
He's got his eye on you, Sunny.
Sunny!
Mr. Crowe.
- How really interesting you look. - Thank you.
Meet the Belgian ambassador.
This is Sunny Davis, Your Excellency.
- Bravo, Sunny. - Bravo, Your Excellency.
And you too, ma'am.
You sure have a great little country.
That's the girl.
- Have you ever been to Belgium? - No.
No, actually, I haven't been anywhere.
I mean outside of this country, I mean.
I was in Canada once, but that doesn't count because it's attached.
- Sunny Davis? - Yes.
Oh, is something wrong?
Should I get my coat?
- Welcome back. - Hi!
Oh, gosh, I want to thank you.
Hey, guys, you know what? I'm a personal friend of the emir.
Sunny.
You scared me.
Sunny, dear...
...have you ever met a wise man?
- Personally, you mean? - Yes, personally.
- Oh, well, like how wise? - Very, very wise.
Well, have you ever heard of Babbanoctanondo?
He lived in a cave up near Salem.
He only ate things he could get off the ground.
Me and my cousin went there once...
...and he had this out-of-body experience...
All right! All right.
That's very interesting, dear.
But the point is, I would like you to meet someone...
...who's very, very important.
The Nawaf Al Kabeer.
He's the chief temporal adviser to the emir...
...on moral and ethical matters.
A man of transcendent spiritual power.
He can see straight into your thoughts.
May I present Miss Sunny Davis.
Well, Mr. Nawaf, this is a real natural high for me.
It means, "Blessed are the small ones...
...who shall be made large."
Oh, I see. Yeah, I couldn't agree more.
And you know I read something...
What is it?
It means, "Praise be to God."
Oh, yes!
Sunny Davis.
Yes?
My child, how old are you?
Thirty-two.
Thirty-three.
You see, you have become, through your bravery...
...part of the history of my country.
Oh, that's very flattering, but...
Sunny Davis.
- Sunny Davis. - Yes.
Our children praise your name.
You're kidding.
Our beloved emir, Khala’ad bin Abdul Majid...
...remembers you in his prayers...
...and hopes that until you come to him...
...until you are with us...
Wait, who's coming where?
- you will accept as evidence of his great affection this simple gift.
Oh, honest to God, it's not necessary.
This miserable token of his esteem.
How miserable?
Rolls-Royce.
We are very proud of our dear Sunny, and we remain confident...
...that whatever choices Sunny makes...
...whether it is with us or elsewhere, that relations between Sunny...
...and the emir will always reflect the warmth and affection...
...our two countries have traditionally felt for each other.
Thank you.
Sunny?
No, I'd like to say something.
I'd like to say that I think the emir is really a great guy.
As for Mr. Al Kabeer and his friends here...
...I've never met a nicer bunch of foreign people.
And that car is just about the prettiest thing I've ever seen.
It gives me a headache to tell you that as a government employee...
...I will transfer ownership of it...
...to the General Services Administration...
...and include it in a list of gifts to an official...
...in the report in accordance...
...with federal registry order 327.
Crazy, I'd never do that.
The car will be sent to the federal repository...
... as requested, where it will be...
... supervised by the transportation secretary...
... who said he'd take charge of the $ 119,000 car.
Your Majesty, it doesn't mean she turned down your proposal.
How angry would you say he was?
Cursing in at least four languages.
Let's go over our options.
We could give up this mysterioso stuff...
...and tell the girl the situation.
Throw ourselves on her mercy?
No, appeal to her patriotism.
I don't think so.
I agree, it's too risky.
Large gains demand large risks.
I think she'll be able to handle herself...
...judging from last night.
If you hadn't given her those manuals...
The girl's been doing her homework.
Perhaps she's not as unintelligent as you think.
Perhaps we're not as clever as we think.
What do you mean, we?
You have an attitude problem?
Gentlemen!
I'm sure she'll make the sensible choice when the time comes.
Until then, we just have to keep her busy.
And out of trouble.
Majesty, allow me to introduce...
Excuse me.
My car broke down.
- welcome you on behalf of the president...
Gun! Hit the deck!
I thought we were being attacked! I'm sorry!
You said it was a barbecue.
Sunny, let's be clear about the procedure on this one.
Sir, I think I've got it.
When the limo stops I get out on the left side.
- Right. - Oh, the right side?
No, I mean, "correct." It's the left.
I walk around the back, I open the right door to the limo...
...I help the ambassador out and present him to Vice President Merck.
Correct.
She's late.
Well, here we are. Now...
...left.
Left side, left. Yeah, this is the left.
Let's see, left.
Have you lost control of her entirely?
We want her to be a princess, not court jester.
A few more days, only a few more days.
God knows what she can do in a few more days!
"How do you do, Your Grace?"
"Thank you very much, baroness."
"I'm honored to meet you, Your Excellency."
"Good night, knight."
"Good night, knight"?
Hello?
Yeah, hold on a minute. Sunny, it's for you.
Oh, thanks.
Hello?
Hi, Mr. Crowe.
Yeah, the Queen of Dubai.
Okay.
I'll be there, don't you worry.
Bye.
You know more queens than I do.
Oh, Ben!
Yes, this is the National Archives building.
You know, it holds the Declaration of Independence...
...Constitution, Bill of Rights.
It's really pretty, isn't it?
Oh, I have the napkins that match your hat.
Isn't that great?
Now, you know, I've never read the Constitution.
This will be fun for all of us, won't it?
And this is where we...
...encase all of our precious documents.
And this is...
...the Constitution.
Very old.
And this is the Declaration of Independence.
Can you read that?
"We hold these truths to be self-evident...
...that all men are created equal...
...that they are endowed by their Creator...
...with certain inalienable rights...
...that among these are life, liberty...
...and the pursuit of happiness.
That to secure these rights...
...governments are instituted among men...
...deriving their just powers...
...from the consent of the governed."
Very interesting.
We're real proud of that.
What's the matter, you sick?
No, they closed the bookstore to take inventory.
That looks good. Can you make me one?
Here.
I thought you had a lunch.
I did, but it was for a Tibetan guy.
They served food I didn't recognize.
The main course was still alive.
Oh, Coke.
See anyone famous?
Well, I sat next to a senator who put his hand on my leg under the table.
- Which one? - The right one.
No, which senator?
I don't know. You had to appreciate his energy.
He ate with one hand, copped a feel with the other.
Talking about fiscal irresponsibility all at the same time.
You know what amazes me, is how these guys...
...have time to run the country...
...when they're so busy going to banquets and openings all the time.
I don't know how they do it.
But are you having any fun?
Oh, yeah, fun, God, I'm having a great time.
I mean, it's really very interesting.
I'm making a lot of mistakes, but they don't seem to mind.
- Wonder why that is? - Maybe they just like you.
Yeah, maybe.
Donna? Donna!
Hey, Donna!
Could you beep your horn, please? Hey, Donna!
God, Sunny! Oh, Sunny.
Hi, sweetie!
Sunny, what are you doing?
A very special assignment. Can't you tell?
They look awfully like dogs.
Very important dogs, though. They belong to some Bulgarian big shot.
Come on, guys, sit down.
Stay! Sheba!
Come on, stay.
Stay, baby, stay.
- Hi. - Oh, Sunny.
God, we really miss you, Sunny.
- God, I miss you guys too. - You do?
Everybody's so jealous of you.
All those big parties and famous people...
...and events that shape our life, and shit like that.
Oh, I gotta go. Darn it.
Give my love to Lou, will you?
I think he's gonna have to close the club.
Are you kidding?
He's losing money. We're all out looking for other jobs.
Oh, that's terrible.
Is there anything I can do?
To tell you the truth, I think Lou was hoping...
...with your new connections...
...you might be able to do something to help him out.
Why don't you get in, and we'll talk about it.
No, it's okay, I'm gonna walk.
Come on.
Sunny, I'm not really crazy about dogs.
I know you're not crazy about dogs...
Wait a minute!
Wait! Sheba!
Where is our dear Sunny?
In the bathroom.
I see. And Mr. Ransome?
In the bathroom.
- Better? - Oh, yeah.
Now, what you should do is take a very long, very hot shower.
- When? - Soon as possible.
Where?
- Hey, don't give me a hard time. - Okay.
Listen, do you do necks?
Did you do this to your wife?
None of your business.
God, you've got great fingers.
Not so loud.
Yikes.
I feel like I'm in high school.
- Did you lock the door? - No.
Listen, will you tell me something?
What?
Why did they give me this job?
Because you did something extraordinary.
And?
And they wanted to reward you.
And?
And it's good publicity for them.
Nothing else?
Like what?
I feel like...
...I don't know, like they're testing me for something.
If you behave yourself, I'll give you a real massage someday.
Meanwhile, you ought to find a good chiropractor.
And I think you just changed the subject on me.
Sunny, I can't give you advice about your life, I hardly know you.
So get to know me.
Do you always say what you think?
It's no big deal. I just never understood...
...why some people don't say what they think.
Don't you say what you think?
- Not always, no. - Too bad.
You know what I read? The Declaration of Independence.
The real one, the original. The one in the Archives.
Boy, those guys knew how to say what they thought.
Talk about simple. All that stuff about happiness.
What government talks about happiness anymore?
Sunny, are you in there?
Yes, ma'am.
We were concerned.
Well, Mr. Ransome was just giving me an adjustment.
We're about to leave.
And we were talking about the Declaration of Independence.
You did lock it.
What, dear?
I can't hear you, dear. What did you say?
Are you coming, dear?
Sunny, dear, are you coming?
Not quite, ma'am.
He's here on an unofficial visit.
Unofficial.
Officially.
You mean officially he's here unofficially.
Yes, that's exactly right.
It's not a state visit, not even a ceremonial visit. It's private.
The emir wants privacy.
And now, Sunny...
...we want to take you into our confidence.
And I know that we can trust you. Am I right?
Mr. Hilley, my lips are sealed.
Good, because what I have to...
They could slap me around, keep me awake for days at a time.
They could hang me upside down and throw stuff.
Yes, yes, I see.
Keep me in a cell without food or water.
You're a brave girl.
But they couldn't do electricity or snakes because I don't think l...
Yes, sir?
We...
...our government...
...the United States of America...
...are attempting to negotiate a complex...
...and highly important agreement...
...with the emir that will allow us...
...to build a military base in his country.
- Right. - The mission of your department...
...is to see that the emir, while he is in our country...
...has a good time.
Well, officially a good time or unofficially?
Unofficially, of course.
Got it.
A very good time.
Come on, Lou, answer the phone.
Lou, it's Sunny. Listen, I got a great idea.
Your Majesty.
Sunny.
Do you know what that is?
- That is your Supreme Court, right? - Right.
Where laws are interpreted.
That's right. You have that setup where you live?
Not exactly. Our laws are handed down by Allah, by God.
- To who? - To me.
Oh.
Hey, what's going on?
Supposedly a party for big shots.
I got a call from Protocol, talked about a social event.
I got the same call.
Said something about lots of VIPs...
...and something like "Guaranteed very good time."
Here in this dive?
Hey, didn't Sunny Davis used to work in this joint?
- The Sheik of Arabic. - Who the hell is that?
Thank you.
- Hey, isn't that Sunny Davis? - Your Highness.
I'd like you to meet Lou Fox.
Hey, that's a hell of an honor, Your Majesty.
That's all I got to say, an honor.
Thank you very much.
- Let's go. - Let's go.
- Here we go. - Over here, Sunny, please.
You mind crouching down a little, Your Honor...
...so we get the sign in the picture?
Here he comes! Girls, showtime! Showtime, places!
George, you salute.
Girls, flags over your heart.
I want you to think of this as your oasis away from your oasis.
Your Majesty and you fellas...
...you'll find we pour some of the most generous drinks in town.
- This way, Your Majesty. - Okay.
Hey, by the way, tonight's dinner special is Virginia ham...
...with a choice of vegetables.
- Hey, Lou? - What, Sun, what?
Who are those guys?
It's a little birthday party.
They want me to make them a cake made out of raw fish.
Well, happy birthday!
Happy birthday.
Oh, hi, honey!
What's going on in there?
What's this?
Hey, let's get this.
Hey, guys. Guys, get on this!
Ralph, get your camera.
Ladies, are you friends of Sunny's?
We're in public relations.
We're all out of camel's milk, but this is yogurt and 7UP.
Gloria!
Oh, excuse me.
Place looks fabulous!
Hi, honey! Oh, God, I'm so glad you could come.
Are you kidding? What does "jackpot" mean to you?
You see that little guy over there?
Go really easy on him because he's a wise man.
You know, like a swami or a guru.
You know what I'm saying? Okay.
Hey, isn't that the Nawaf?
Nawaf!
Bobbie! Charmaine!
Yeah.
What?
Where?
What do you...?
Press?!
Make a wish.
- Hello. - Hi.
This is a swell place, isn't it?
Yes, it is. Swell.
I used to work here.
I know that.
See that girl over there? There.
See that girl dressed like kind of a chicken?
An emu, I would imagine.
What about her?
I used to have to wear that costume a lot when I worked here.
It's pretty silly, isn't it?
You must have looked beautiful.
More males!
Ben!
- Oh, thanks. - Look at you.
Oh, thanks for coming.
I want you to come see the emir.
- He's here! - Just what we need, more men.
Your Majesty, I'd like to introduce you to Ben Granger and Jerry Jerome.
These are the guys that I live with.
And this is His...
...Highness. - El Emir Khala’ad bin Abdul Majid.
Just a short while ago, the emir and his entourage escorted Sunny Davis...
...inside the Safari Club you see behind me.
They came in those limos.
By the way, the guests continue to arrive.
The kind of guests you wouldn't necessarily associate...
All right, Sue!
Yeah, but I would.
I think your guests are having a good time.
Oh, yes.
- Hey. - Jimmy?
It's Jimmy!
Hey, great to see you, not tonight.
I got a private party over there.
Hey, Jimmy!
- Hi, honey! - Come on!
Come on, I want you to meet somebody.
Oh, banzai.
Hi, how are you? Hi, guys!
- Listen, have you ever met an emir? - No.
- Have you ever met a biker? - No.
Khala’ad, this is Jimmy, Jimmy, this is Khala’ad.
- How do you do? - How you doing, man?
Yes.
What?
I'm on my way.
Hi.
Was it difficult for you to leave all this?
This? Oh, no.
I mean, I've made a lot of good friends...
...and we've had good times.
But, you know, a person has to move on.
Sunny, you could be the mother of kings.
Oh, sure, Queen Sunny, the ex-cocktail waitress.
I'm just lucky I get to meet people like you.
Just because of that accident.
- There are no accidents. - Oh, sure.
There is only destiny and character.
Destiny brought you together with me and a man with a gun.
Your character brought you the rest of the way.
- No, I don't think so. - Sunny, you and I...
...are more than an ex-waitress and emir.
We're also a man and a woman.
Yeah, I can see that.
You understand what I'm saying?
Yeah, you want to date me.
Emirs do not date.
Mr. Hilley, Mr. Hilley!
Mr. Hassler, what is the White House...?
- Is there a party going on? - Not now.
- Hey. - What can I get for you?
I like that coat.
He likes my coat!
- Give it to him. - All right!
You got it, now give me your coat.
Okay, now remember, it's B-Y-O-L, bring your own leather.
- "Beat me, whip me..." - What do you think of that?
You like that? You got it!
What about Sunny Davis, Mr. Hassler?
Why is Mr. Ransome here?
I want an explanation.
- I'm sure it's okay. - Right.
What are they doing in there?
- Having a good time, I guess. - What?
- Having a good time?! - Yes.
Jesus Christ!
What the hell is this place?
Must be one of those gay-Arab-biker sushi bars.
Oh, God, that's disgusting.
Party!
Sunny.
What in God's name are you doing in this tide of human swill?
Why, you...
- Wait, wait, what's swill? - You're under arrest.
Listen, listen, hey!
I know we can work this out just the way the diplomats do.
WXED Action Line.
Tonight's WXED hot story.
Tonight's hot story is hotter than usual.
Dozens of dignitaries have been arrested at Club Safari.
Among them, the almost assassinated Emir of Ohtar...
... and Protocol Sunny Davis, a former waitress at this hot spot, plus...
... high-ranking administration members who...
... had stopped by the club to use the phone.
More details as they happen.
This is Cheryl Greenberg, your Action Line...
Thank you, Mr. Vice President.
- Michael, take them. - Yes, of course.
Sunny, Sunny Davis.
Sunny, thank you, it was an unforgettable evening.
- We won't keep you much longer, dear. - I'm really sorry.
You'll have my resignation after I look up how they're written.
We have no intention of asking for your resignation.
- You don't? - Certainly not.
There will be tactical problems in dealing with tonight's situation.
Let's go into my office.
Well, I think I'll write a letter to the emir.
Listen to me.
We will take care of this matter. You will not be a part of it.
I won't?
In a few hours, the emir will fly back to his country.
- We want you to go with him. - You're kidding!
You are right now our principal social contact with the emir.
Our relations with him up until now have been ambivalent.
You can change that.
Gee, I don't know, I've never been outside the U.S.
- Do you really think l...? - Sunny...
...this is a chance for you to perform a vital service for your country.
Does this have anything to do with that strategic military thing...
...Mr. Hilley talked about yesterday? - Absolutely not.
This has to do with simple trust. Trust between us.
Trust between you and the emir.
You'll be treated like royalty.
You'll stay in a lovely palace.
It will be like living in a beautiful dream.
Beautiful, beautiful dream.
Thank you.
Dear Michael, I don't know when I'll be able to send this letter...
... I wanted you to know how grateful I am for helping me out.
I know you're going to be proud of the job I'm doing.
The people here are friendly...
... and they greeted me like I'm a real princess.
I can honestly say I'm on a sort of intimate footing...
... with some of them already...
... although I can't understand what any of them are talking about.
I haven't been outside the palace yet...
... but as soon as possible, I plan to contact...
... the American ambassador for any special instructions.
I think there's a feast tonight...
... and tomorrow we're supposed to go on a camel ride in the desert.
If there's a diplomatic pouch coming here...
... I wouldn't mind if you included a tuna salad sandwich...
... and some lip gloss.
A poem for Sunny.
"Ah, Sunny!
Golden hair like the desert sun
Eyes the color of the summer sky
Breasts riper than The ripest pomegranates
And loins like the royal storehouse Bursting with the seed of kings.
Loins that boil..."
I'm happy to announce that a high-ranking delegation...
... will travel to Ohtar to sign an agreement with the emir...
... for a military base.
Hi, we're back with TV Truth.
Wendy, would you analyze the tape for our audience?
Hassler starts by announcing that they cut the deal.
So we got our base.
Yes, but I want your audience to see this.
He's announcing that a contingent of...
That's not so unusual. Here it is.
We'll get them to stay for the wedding.
- Was that a slip? - That is some slip.
He had no intention of mentioning that.
No, he didn't. He's such a jerk.
What wedding?
Dear Mrs. St. John: They keep me busy here, and I'm experiencing...
... all sorts of new, exotic fragrances.
Tomorrow, I hope to see how the ordinary people live.
Please give my best to Mr. Crowe. Sincerely, Sunny Davis.
Cover your hair!
She's marrying the emir.
He's in everything, on TV...
... and in People, and he's so cute, and...
God, I wish I was her.
She's embarrassed the country, are you kidding?
Embarrassed the country, marrying that guy.
It's just a thing for the money, right?
I think Sunny Davis represents the kind of...
... American woman we can all be proud of.
She's real, she's honest...
... and she isn't taking crap from anybody.
Okay, gentlemen.
Here's a list I've made up of some places I'd like to visit.
One of them is a hospital, a daycare center...
...maybe a farm, an irrigation project, something like that.
And also, I'd like to see...
...that military base we're building. Where is it?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I've been set up, haven't I?
Shall we go back?
I want to talk to you!
Why are you dressed like that?
Because I'm an American, that's why.
What were you gonna do, make me part of your harem?
I don't have a harem, I have some wives.
Wives? You got "some" wives?
Help me!
Some wives? You must have billboards all over town.
Quickly, this way.
They've not been able to give me sons.
I must have sons.
This is the 20th century!
Don't you know anything about chromosomes?
When my country finds out what you tried to do...
When they find out?
Get down!
Why do you think you were sent here?
I don't believe you. Americans don't do things like that.
Do we?
Hurry, that way!
- Are you all right? - Move.
You know how to fly one of these?
I'm the chief of the air force.
That's not what I asked.
Revolution in Ohtar sparked by the imminent wedding...
... of the Emir Khala'ad bin Abdul Majid to American Sunny Davis.
Rebel forces overthrew their government.
The emir and Miss Davis have escaped, and are en route to the U.S.
The sudden coup d'état came as a shock to observers.
This news just in.
According to sources in the State Department...
... Sunny Davis had no knowledge of the wedding plans...
... arranged by our government without her consent...
... in exchange for a military base in his country.
We'll have more for you in just a few minutes from now.
This is Inside Story.
Tonight's inside story:
Sunny Davis, heroine or hustler?
She was queen for a day, and she claims she didn't know it.
Her presence started a war that may affect the world's economy.
Rescued from sure death and probable torture...
... she learned she was traded for the balance of power in the Middle East.
Or did she know it?
Absolutely not. We goofed. She didn't know a thing.
We traded her for the base.
We duped her, now we ought to pay for it.
Where is Ohtar? And why should we care?
This emirate might pull down an American administration...
... and send it into a scandal that could only be called "Sunnygate."
Sex, politics. Politics, sex. Sunnygate.
Did she, or didn't she?
And if she did, did she do it for her country? Stay tuned.
- Senator Norris. - Senator Norris!
Was Sunny traded for a military base? People want the facts.
Yeah, I know, I got about 30,000 telegrams and letters...
...phone calls, all asking the same question.
The answer is, we just don't know.
I'll tell you, it's gonna be one hell of an investigation, I promise.
Public pressure on the administration continues in the Sunnygate affair.
Senator Norris announced hearings...
... to discover the truth in the allegations...
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, we're watching it now.
What did she know about the connection...
... between that base and her engagement?
And when did she know about it? Marla Gilbert, WFDD.
You lied to me.
What we did was for the good of the country.
You lied to me.
What she's saying is that certain decisions...
...on sensitive issues have to be made discreetly.
After all, the welfare of the people...
Wait a minute, I'm one of the people, aren't I?
The important thing is that we pull together...
...so when that committee starts the hearing...
You want to tell me what you think I should say, right?
Only if you're comfortable with that.
Well, I don't know what I'm gonna say.
Tell you this. I can't wait to find out.
Sunny, we're all in this together.
We, you and I, represent the president, and I'm sure...
You're a very misguided person, and I don't work for you any longer.
- Sunny? - Going back to waiting on tables?
Goodbye, Mrs. St. John.
- All right, Sunny, look. - Let me go, Mr. Hilley.
I'm going to make one last appeal to you on behalf of the country.
There are at least four people in here...
...who don't speak for my country. And you're one of them.
- Over here, Sunny. - Sunny.
Were you only a pawn in the Ohtar situation?
How did the Protocol Department manipulate you?
What? Oh.
Excuse me, Miss Davis...
...you may remember me from Turner News Network...
Miss Davis, how are you going to defend yourself?
If there's something you'd like to...?
- Can you give us a statement? - Has the president given instruction?
We have no comment at this time.
There's Michael Ransome.
Mr. Ransome, do you expect to testify for the department?
Mr. Ransome is no longer with the department.
Have you been fired?
No, sir, I resigned.
- Was it over the Sunnygate affair? - Yes.
What else happened...?
Just a minute. Look, I'm an expert on Middle Eastern affairs.
I was on my way up in the political racket...
...if you know what I mean.
And then a few weeks ago I met this...
...extraordinary person who reminded me...
...that I had forgotten something real basic, real simple.
That I have forgotten to say what I think.
So I quit, that's all.
Sunny, is there anything you'd like to say?
Yes, he owes me a massage.
Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...
...so help you God? - I do.
State your name for the record, please.
- Sunny Ann Davis. - And what is your present address?
1442 "G" Street.
And what is your age, please?
Thirty-five.
Senator Norris?
Sunny...
...when did you first meet the emir?
The night I got shot... No, I'm sorry...
...I didn't meet him then, it was after they gave me...
...the job at Protocol and the emir came back.
- I see, and the emir came back for...? - For me.
No, I meant for how long a period of time?
Oh, it was just a couple of days. It was unofficial.
- An unofficial visit? - Officially, yes.
And what, to the best of your understanding...
...were your duties with regard to the emir?
I was supposed to show him a good time.
A good time?
Yes, sir, that's what Mr. Hilley told me.
Mr. Hilley told you to show the emir a good time?
Well, actually, the exact words he used were "a very good time."
And how did you interpret this curious directive?
Oh, I didn't interpret it, I just did it.
I took the emir and his friends to a party...
...at Lou Fox's Safari Club where I used to work.
I have to say that I really feel badly about what happened.
I imagine it was the first time Mrs. St. John got busted.
Of course, I could be wrong.
Sunny, I'd like to move on to your trip abroad with the emir.
Yes, sir.
Didn't you think it was unusual for a person like yourself...
...who had no expertise, to be sent on a mission of such importance?
Yes, but I figured they must know what they're doing...
...because they're supposed to be the experts.
Sunny, the purpose of this hearing is to find out who is responsible.
If you give us the name...
No, sir, l...
No, sir, I'm sorry, I can't do that.
You can't? Why not?
Because I'm responsible.
You know what my dad says? "Let a guy sell you a diamond ring...
...for only 10 cents, and chances are you own a ring not worth a dime."
Well, I bought the whole mine.
I thought I was getting a free ride or at least a cheap one.
And I really have to thank them for that.
I mean, the people who sold it to me, I mean.
You want to know something?
Before I started to work for the government...
...I'd never read the Constitution.
I didn't even begin to know how things worked. I didn't.
I didn't read the newspaper, except to look up my horoscope.
And I never read the Declaration of Independence.
But I know they had, the ones we're talking about...
...the experts, they all read it. They just forgot what it was about.
That it's about "we the people." And that's me.
I'm "we the people." You're "we the people." All of us.
We're all "we the people," right?
So when they sell me that 10-cent diamond, or down the river, or...
...to some guy wearing medals that means they're selling us.
All of "we the people."
And when they...
I mean, when you guys, when you spend another pile of money...
...and give away or sell all those guns and tanks and planes...
Every time you invite a foreign big shot to the White House...
...and hug them, and give them gifts...
...it has a direct effect on "we the people's" lives.
I mean, if I don't know what you're up to...
...and if I don't holler when I think you're doing it wrong...
...and if I just mind my own business and don't vote or care...
...then I just get what I deserve.
So now that I'm Sunny Davis, private citizen again...
...you're gonna have to watch out for me...
...because I'm gonna be watching all of you like a hawk.
We love you, Sunny!
Calm down!
I'm sure that the good sense of the American people...
...will allow them to distinguish between a few trivial allegations...
- There she is, there's Sunny! - Sunny!
Get off of me, you twit!
- How did I do? - Great.
- Do you really think so? - Of course.
It's the new me, I say what I think.
Oh, that's nice, Michael, that's really nice.
- Want to know what else? - What?
If you run for office, I'll manage your campaign.
Are you kidding?
- Are you running? - How about running for president?
- Sunny Davis for president! - Yeah!
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
Please, everybody.
Thank you very much, but it's really not my style.
- Sunny, what about Congress? - What about running for Congress?
The polls have been closed for 10 minutes in Green Hills...
... a suburb of Diamond Junction...
... and it's impossible to predict a winner in this.
Some people call tonight's contest one of the closest in history.
Both candidates gained early and...
The candidate is coming to the podium.
This is sure to be no concession.
Sunny! Sunny! Sunny!
Down.
I just want to say a couple of things.
First, this is not a victory speech, because we haven't won yet.
It's getting really late, so I want to take this chance...
Tonight's coverage was brought to you...
... courtesy of Schmitter's.
For your hardware needs, corner of Main and Superior.
And no matter what happens, we're still gonna go on together...
... you, me and the best campaign manager in this country...
... my husband, Michael.
And of course, my very good friend and the best, best babysitter...
... a working woman could wish for, my very good friend, Al Kabeer.
I have a phone call that some of you may want to hear.
Who is it? Hello?
What?
We won! We won!
We won!