♪ I like that up down round round round we go ♪
♪ One day I could be high one day I could be low ♪
♪ Up down see this town nothing but 1000 shows ♪
♪ One day I could be high one day I could be low ♪
♪ I like that up down round round round we go ♪
♪ One day I could be high one day I could be low ♪
♪ Up down see this town nothing but 1000 shows ♪
Go to the next one.
Go back now.
There, there right there.
Round a bit.
Go back, there.
Go back mom stupid shout.
I can't hear a word you're saying so shout.
I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
No to the left.
Mom seriously I'm shitting myself up here.
Please please just tell me when.
When, that's all you gotta say is when.
To the right.
Yes perfect.
Just there.
Help, help!
Mum, fucking mum!
♪ One day I could be high one day I could be low ♪
Calm down Ron, repeat, the game's about to start.
Where is it?
Where is what?
My cheese, my camembert.
I don't know what you wanna.
Ou bitch, you're eating it now aren't you?
Oh grow up.
Give me that bit now, give me that.
Get off me, get off me.
- Let me have a look. - It's mine.
That is mine.
You're blocking my airway you little bastard.
You need to control.
You look at you now, look what You're fucking done bastard.
Fucking knew it, I knew it.
You're nasty, get off me.
Yeah go.
Get up.
Come on, get up.
Give me that.
No.
Give me that.
Now you've broken it.
This cut is mine, it's brand new.
Sit alone watching this evening.
Would you get up please?
- What are you doing? - Mind getting up?
Why?
Get you up then, get up.
Mum just get in the car.
No, I don't want to.
You're getting in the car alright.
Just move, getin the fucking car.
Look Ron.
Mum shut up.
This is ridiculous.
I said shut your mouth.
Well can you please just tell me where we're going?
Yeah, shopping.
It's 11 o'clock at night in case you hadn't noticed.
Some petrol station that's still open.
You're gonna get out right.
You're gonna buy me another cheese,
and then fuck off 'cause I'm dumping you there.
What in pajamas?
Oh don't you worry, \ packed your stuff.
What about my illness?
I mean who's gonna look after me when the cancer returns?
Cancer, mum you've been in remission
'or what about 12
I think you're fine.
Ron, oh son say.
What happened?
Where are we?
We're trapped.
I think maybe, you know, we're dead.
Dead?
Maybe.
Maybe, maybe we're in limbo waiting to enter Heaven.
Maybe we'll see father, maybe he's waiting for us up there,
waiting to take us into his arms.
The holy father?
No, no my father, you know your husband.
Oh him, no he's not dead.
But of course he's dead.
No he's not.
Mum, he died when I was born, chickenpox you said.
Might have said something didn't [?
But you've took me to the cemetery every fucking year.
Your mental health.
So who the bloody hell was the stiff wobbly flowers to?
What do I know?
I mean it was a nice grave wasn't it?
Well so where is he now?
Forget the bastard,
I suppose it don't matter now we're dead does it?
It's weird though, if I'm dead,
why am I still hungry?
Oh crud, we're GNC.
What the fuck we doing here?
Give me your phone.
I've only got this.
Look at that aye.
What color shall I have?
There must be something inside these bloody boxes
Ea, what the fuck?
Oh it's lager.
Oh lager.
That's lager, yeah.
Move over.
Oh fuck, where are we Mum?
Sorry about the wait.
Enjoying the refreshments?
Yes sir, yeah very much so.
Lovely tea Mr?
Brentwood, Henry Brentwood.
Now we have been having some issues.
Let me Just see if I get this straight.
Now you say your mother was eating
your cheese without your permission?
Yes sir, yeah my cheese.
Cheese.
Yeah.
Slightly burnt toast.
Nice.
And you got upset, drove to the shop to buy some more.
Well basically the shops were closed so
we went to a petrol station nearby the docks.
Yeah it has everything.
This all all happened in Tilbury right?
'And then \you had I
and ended up inside a container bound for Morocco.
That's it.
And somehow you managed to survive the six
day trip inside a freight container.
We were lucky we had a big bag of jelly babies.
Yeah and the beer.
Ah yes, Young's Rampart Triple X Special Ale.
Hoppy but refreshing.
Hoppy?
Yeah hoppy.
Splendid.
Look we just want some new clothes and something to eat
and passports and a flight back home.
Speedy boarding?
Oh yes please.
We have a problem.
Yeah?
Olga Percival, your lady friend here.
No, my mother.
Well she is in our records.
We have all the relevant data for her,
passport number, national insurance.
She is a British citizen, single, no children.
But that's, so what are you saying?
What I'm saying is we have no record for you, nothing.
Mum?
It's all perfectly simple really you just
apply for naturalization, obtain the certificate,
surrender the old passport, get the surrender
certificate and then apply for a British one.
Obtain the British passport, apply for the OCI,
there's a little exam, and then get hold of the OCI.
Two years, tops, should all be sorted.
Of course by then who knows who we'll be letting in?
Might not even be worth it.
Sorry, sorry I don't quite get what you're saying.
Can you just repeat everything you just said again please?
You are not a British citizen.
I mean we couldn't even find a birth certificate for you.
And to be frank there are easier
obtaining a passport.
Mum, Mum could you please tell me what
the bloody hell is going on here?
I think you may be, you know.
I might be what, adopted?
No, of course not.
Look, think about it, the way you are.
You know what I mean right?
No, no I don't.
I think you may be French.
French?
What do you mean French?
You know, from France, French.
Mum Mum, but my name's Martin, Ron Martin.
And how the bloody hell could I be French?
Actually it's probably pronounced Martin.
No it's Martin, Ron Martin.
Ron Martin.
- Martin. - Martin.
Martin, Martin.
No, no, Martin, Ron Martin.
Martin.
Martin, Martin, Ron Martin.
Martin, Martin.
Listen you pompous asshole, it's Martin.
Oi, I don't know about him but I am a British citizen.
I have my rights.
Let me explain, let me explain.
You've got to think about it, I's not that bad.
What do you mean.
How could it be any worse Mum?
Honestly how could it be any worse?
Well you could be a German.
It was a Hindu, so we, we got the ferry to the Calais.
And then from the ferry we got the coach
and then I fell in love.
Right you fell in love with a coach driver, yeah right.
Yeah how'd you know?
We could take it as a free holiday.
Free holiday, free holiday my ass, Mum we are fucked.
No we're not, I mean think about it.
We just got to get some money,
a cheap flight and then that's it.
No Mum we're fucked, and we don't even have that.
Mum we have got nothing, nothing, nothing.
Oh will you stop being so negative?
Ron what are we?
Freaking geez, I don't know.
No.
Well then what, economic migrants?
I ain't got a clue.
We are British, we can overcome anything.
We used to own this land.
Well no, actually the French did.
What about Saudia Arabia?
What you mean in Lawrence of Arabia?
What about him anyway?
Oh yeah him, or whatever his fucking name is.
Yeah what about him?
Just shut up and listen.
I have been, I'm fucking shutting up and I'm listening.
What, what, I'm waiting, what?
Right, just take it easy and look at this alright.
This is where we are okay.
So we just follow the coast to Gharbia,
reach Tangier, swim to Gibraltar, get into Spain,
Cordoba, llidza, Barcelona, climb the Pyrenees,
reach Toulouse, a little bit more, and that is it.
Great, great, and I mean how are you
planning to do all that traveling?
Apart from the fucking climbing and the swimming
what are we gonna do Mum, what hitchhike?
This is all you gotta do, and it'll work.
Just stop it Mum, you're so embarrassing.
Won't be when we get a lift.
Hey, let's do this.
Vidi, Vidi.
Oh thank you so much Vidi.
Me, welcome.
Ah thank you.
Where should I take you?
Where to what?
Tangier please.
- Tangier that's a long ride.
Well it's your lucky day.
Yes it is.
I took this ride, only to have to obtained, let's go.
Let's go to Tangier.
Mum Mum Mum this.
How the hell are we gonna pay for this ride?
I don't know, I'll figure something out when we get there.
With what?
I'll give him a blow job.
So are you two married?
No, no of course not.
Do you really think I'd marry that there?
Very lovely lady.
So if you two are not married,
just a little bit of the hanky panky right?
Hank.
So siblings.
Yeah siblings, yeah that's right.
That's your sister.
She's not my, how do you know she'd be my sister?
So what do you do then?
We ah, we run a...
Shipping, import and export.
I'm married myself, have a look.
Aye, a little boy.
Open it all up please, come on.
That one, seven.
You must be a.
A dad.
Oh no, I mean happy.
Yeah happy dad.
What's your secret?
Oh no no no, no.
Just have to look at a woman and bang.
What do you mean?
You know what I mean, I'll get you pregnant
just with my eyes, just a look and bang.
Bang?
Yeah.
Bang bang bang.
Bang bang bang yeah.
Bang bang bang.
Oh please shut up.
What are you doing?
Whoa you are quick.
- Just leave me alone. - And you're cute, like me.
Sometimes you have to give it time
and extra gently you know.
Look mate I don't care.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to have a piss, leave me alone.
Hey listen to me, me and you mother we're Just having fun.
I don't care about my Mum, you can go and do
whatever mate, it don't mean nothing to me.
Hey hey hey hey, hey whoa, hey.
What are you doing, where is the cabbie?
Having a piss.
You've nicked the cab haven't you?
Yeah, yeah I have yeah.
I don't believe, you are unbelievable.
I know why you've done this.
Every time someone pays an interest in me,
you do it to split us up.
So you just follow the north
until you get a city
till you reach Malabata, you got that?
Yeah listen, do you mind if we stop off
and get something to eat first please?
Absolutely starving.
Alright be back in a sec.
What are you doing in my car?
Are you a taxi?
Yeah I'm a taxi.
Then go go go, go ahead, go ahead.
Go drive.
Which way are you going mate?
Drive man.
Alright.
Where we going mate?
Keep it straight then?
Sorry, I'm so sorry man.
Keep going right here?
Whoo.
Oh thank you very much.
What the bloody hell do you want?
Castle what castle, castle, castle what?
Alright then let's do it.
I understand, I understand straight.
Money money money.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
My friend thank you very much, now go.
Where we go you have to tell me, come on.
Do I look like I'm Moroccan?
I'm not Moro an.
Yeah so my name is Martin, Ron Martin actually.
I'm actually a little French.
You like French?
Go where we go, you tell me, which way?
Alright you are my last job, where to?
Shit!
How the bloody hell did you find me?
An Englishman in my fucking car.
Nobody screws with my car.
Where have you been?
Where the bloody hell have you been?
Re have you been?
I've been walking around town just looking for you.
Listen Mum you would not believe what happened to me.
Oh really, and I been sitting here like a fucking moron.
Don't worry, I've
I've been driving around like a fucking lunatic.
I've got this.
Idiot you've got 95 dirham bees.
That's about
six quid.
What do you mean six quid?
How do you know that's.
Because whilst you been playing cabbie
I been sitting here all day like a moron
learning these, currency, every fucking around the world.
How would you fucking know, now what are we gonna do?
Nell what are we gonna do no.
Name a country, that is six quid.
I tell you what we're gonna do now, hand it over.
Hand over what?
Fine, I'm taking it.
What do you mean, where you going?
To spend it.
See, Spain's just there.
So what do we do, swim?
( You wouldn't last 10 minutes.
Well go on then, you can go first, hop on.
Look Mum, Mum, there's something down there, look.
♪ I'm forever blowing bubbles
♪ Pretty bubbles in the air
♪ They fly so high they reach the sky ♪
♪ Like my dreams they fade and die ♪
♪ Fortune's always hiding
♪ I've looked everywhere
♪ I'm forever blowing bubbles
♪ Pretty bubbles in the air
You used to sing that to me.
Yeah I did.
Mum.
Mum, Mum.
Mum wake up.
How long have we been floating in this shitter for?
And where the bloody hell has the Spanish coast gone?
We're gonna help hem.
- Help them? - Yeah.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- Come on Ron. - I don't know.
- Come on Ron. - Mom, I'm a bit.
- Don't worry. - I'm worried Mum.
Are you sure?
Come on Ron, let's go.
Oh I'm so sorry.
Come on then.
Hold on, hold on.
Mum, Mum.
I'm so sorry.
Mum, another woman.
Come on darling.
Oh my God, oh I'm so.
Mum, Mum help, Mum!
What do we do now?
But Mum I'd do absolutely anything
to have my recliner and a nice cheese roll.
Oh you're so stupid.
Unbelievable.
If you had just said said sorry right
I'd not be out here about to be eaten by sharks.
Alright Ron, I get it alright.
Would you look at me?
You just cannot say it can you?
Say what?
The magic words.
Abra fucking cadabra.
Do you know what?
This is what war's all about Mum.
Century after century people fighting
all because of the same bloody thing.
What, sandwich stealers?
Being unable to accept an apologize Mum,
being incapable of assuming blame.
It's about understanding and being respectful to others.
Oh God, you truly are a bloody bloker.
So funny.
Ron what are you doing?
Ron come back here.
Alright Ron I'm sorry.
Ron I'm sorry.
I said I'm freaking sorry!
Come on Mum, pedal pedal, pedal Mum, pedal.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum.
Ron.
Mum, Mum, Mum I can't move.
Ron?
Shit, shit, oh shit.
- Oh my God. - Mum.
My God Ron neither can I.
Ron I can't move.
Mum help, help!
- Help, help! - Help, help!
Ron are you still there?
No, no Mum I'm not I've just gone for a quick walk.
But don't worry I'll be later.
It's not funny.
I can't even feel my arms and legs anymore.
What do want me to do about it Mum?
What do you want a massage.
Come to me I'll give you a fucking massage.
Wait, don't fuck, do you really think this is appropriate?
Help, help!
- Help, help! - Help, help!
What a crap holiday.
I need to get to tomorrow I need my medicati.
What medication?
My selecta, luvox, paxon, and prozac.
It's just the stuff I take to cope with you.
Yeah so let me give you a natural alternative.
What is it you don't get Mum?
Okay Ron, let's not lose it okay?
I mean we've got to stick together
if 'we want to get out of this mess.
I'm done with you.
Now listen wait.
I mean don't you fucking want to end up and be a Brit again,
and get your birth certificate, and meet your father?
What did you just say?
You heard me.
My father?
Yes, your father.
But you don't know where he is.
Oh I do, he's in Calais.
What Calais?
Well yeah that's what I see in the letters he sends.
Birthday and stuff.
Hang on, he sends me letters on my birthday?
Every year with the money.
What money?
For nappies and stuff.
Mum, I'm 21.
Listen right, I want me money, and I want my father.
And what a bloody hell is he doing in Calais?
I don't know, I mean he's working on fish markets
or dealing with refugees like us.
Hey.
You want to go and
Stick with me and I'll think about it.
Forget it, now way.
I swore I would never ever do that again, no way.
♪ I'll give you one night only for your eyes only ♪
> Oh oh oh.
♪ Like an eagle in the sky you can't control it ♪
♪ There's a magic in my eyes
♪ And I can't stop it burning down ♪
♪ On the edge of tonight
♪ 'Cause tomorrow we'll be owning the world ♪
♪ You know like pure white gold ♪
♪ I'll give you one night only for your eyes only ♪
♪ Forever forever forever
♪ This is how we burn
Wow, wow wow wow.
Wow ladies and gentlemen.
For the rest of the folks in the place, fantastic.
Wow wow wow, now remember, you don't forget to vote.
So give me your tickets, very important.
Pineapple up here on the bar, make them count.
Now then, this is what we're waiting for.
This next contestant needs no introduction.
She is the magnificent, the majestic.
Fuck, say Mum what are you so happy about?
Can't you hear the way they're cheering her?
You know son, sometimes all you need in life is a pen.
What do you mean pen?
Now get a pen,
I'll check our names,
and you drop them in the fucking pineapple.
Sounds like we all night!
Can I have just that one more round of applause
for all of our acts this evening?
Now then, now then, quiet quiet.
Here is that time of the night.
We're gonna find out who's 000 Euro prize
for the 20th anniversary of our Magic Singing Competition.
Now the votes have been counted and verified.
And in this lovely gold envelope
right here I have the winner.
You ready?
Can I get a drum roll?
And the winner is.
Paloma Benitez!
What the hell did you do?
I marked the freaking cards
and I put them in the apple like you said.
I said fucking pineapple.
You idiot.
Hey, whoo yeah.
Congratulations.
So you here for a few days?
No, no we're stuck in this shit hole with no place to go.
No hotel, no place, no?
No we don't either.
We just dig a hole In the sand like a tortoise
He's a little bit slow.
Slow, I like slow yeah.
Listen here sweet y yeah, why don't you just
leave us alone and take your tits and ass with you.
Now just fuck off.
A\ - Okay.
No stay, stay, stay.
Listen to him, stay stay, the matching man.
Can't you just see the bitch.
Just up and
you've been putting this off?
Is it just to piss me off or have you
got some sort of higher purpose?
No higher purpose no.
You're funny yeah.
Come.
Yes, I have a bed.
A bed?
Yeah a bed.
My house.
Is that it?
We love it.
What are you some kind of hippie?
You smoke pot?
Mother mother, mother please.
Score some pot.
Here.
Smoke.
You too?
To the beach.
Vamonos.
Ck and roll mus.
♪ You give me your love you give me your love ♪
♪ Won't you give me baby I need it yeah ♪
And I like your eyes, they are so big.
If we had children together they'd be so beautiful.
What?
Tell me about you.
Me?
Well it seems that I'm not always who I thought I was.
Well I'm,
I'm not a Brit.
Of course you are British.
Drink beer, and more beer,
and get a walk, and look both ways.
Just forget about it.
I work in telemarketing.
In tele?
See hello, ring ring, ring ring.
Hello Miss I understand you must be
at least 87 years old is that correct?
Fantastic, fantastic.
Would you be interested in our
lifelong health insurance offer?
Honestly, it's not too late.
Poor people, that's.
It's not, it's not.
Yeah it is.
It's not, I don't ac
my job glad like that to be honest.
I see my job being more like a therapist.
No honestly.
People who would always, under pressure,
trapped in their jobs, pisse off with their loved ones,
or their neighbors, or their bosses,
or even the dick head who drives too slow in the fast lane.
Well that's where I come in, I call them up.
They insult me, they let it rip, they slam the phone down.
Then suddenly they actually feel
much better by themselves.
You're crazy.
I like it.
Yes?
So, so what about you?
Me?
I just want 10 sing, you know, touch people's hearts.
But I also ring ring ring.
Wait you're also on the racket making phone calls?
No Carino, mine a solicitor.
Ring ring ring.
Ah yes, yes.
I don't understand a word but I love it.
Ah I'm never gonna make it here you know.
I've been doing that for two years, and for what?
No come please, please come to England with me.
Honestly with your voice, your accent.
I could get you a job anywhere.
You're crazy.
You're a crazy guy with a big heart.
Mum.
Mum, Mum, Mum.
I don't care just let me see my mother.
I don't care about your good, I don't care
'cause I want to see my mother okay.
I want to see my mother!
You will see your mother in the morning.
I don't want to see my mother in the morning.
I need to see my mother now!
I don't speak Spanigh, talk to me in English.
Talk to me in English.
I need to see my mother now, I need my mother.
Go home, go the fucking home okay.
I'm fucking tired of you, so go home and relax.
Me go home.
Go the fucking home.
Go home, you want to tell me to go home?
Go home.
Home, I'll give you home.
I just want to see my mother.
She's in good hands.
That bastard, he told me to go home.
So what is he supposed to say?
You know on my fucking Birthday one year right.
I had this huge huge bust up with her.
So what I done was I packed my bags and
well I told her to go to hell.
And then when she saw me going
through the door, she collapsed.
The next day was probably 1e worst day in my life.
The doctor found something in her small intestine.
It was a tumor.
She has cancer?
Night after night I'd lie awake trying to figure out
how I could take ck all the horrible
horrible things I've said and done but,
I couldn't.
I felt so alone.
You're here with me now, $0 go easy on yourself.
Know, I leave my parents 12 years ago.
And I telephone twice, to ask for dinero, money.
I'm sure you had your reasons.
Selfish.
All I'm trying to say is that you,
you know.
You perfecto, you perfecto.
What?
You see that sign?
Chapel second floor.
Want to confess before you die of nose blood?
Fuck it, fuck it.
Marry me, go on marry me.
No I'm serious marry me.
Seriously why not?
Marry me, come on please marry me.
Look English right, do you understand?
Let's get married, let's do it, why not?
It's not funny.
I'm serious, marry me.
Look fuck it, just do it, marry me.
Do you Ron Martin
I'm sorry it's Martin.
Mar?
Yeah Martin.
Martin?
Do you Ron Martin, take this woman,
Paloma Benitez, to be your lawfully wedded wife,
to love and cherish for better or for worse?
Look.
I've got some clothes for you, very nice, very nice clothes.
You okay Mum?
Open the card.
Open it Mum go on, go on open it go on.
You'll need your photo for the passport.
How, what?
How did you do this?
Amigos I've got friends in town.
I pay all the price this good money, all I have.
They're legit Mum, I used mine in the registry office.
Me and Paloma we're officially married.
What?
Cheese.
Look Mum.
What's this?
I sold my wheels ♪ I rent a car, you a
Hang on wait wait wait, wait.
What about Paloma, isn't she coming with us?
I have to sort some things you know, pay camping site.
And in two or three weeks I ' will be in Englatara.
And in two to three days Mum, we'll be home.
Happy?
Yeah.
Whoo, we're going home.
& This is how we burn.
Goodbye.
Yes.
I'm so happy Mum, I can't believe it.
What's happening Mum?
I don't know maybe they're looking for terrorists.
Maybe we should get passports ready, here you go.
Take it easy Mum please.
Can you get a move on?
We've got jobs to go to.
Mum, Mum you're gonna get us arrested.
Could you just slow down?
For fuck's sake Mum please.
Just stop it would you please, stop it?
But I like it.
Stop it.
Like it.
Could you stop it please?
Like it.
Mum please just stop it.
Like it.
Stop it.
Like it.
Could you stop doing that?
Mum can you just stop doing that?
Mum stop it.
You like it, you like it, you like it, you...
Are you that much of an idiot?
Stop it alright.
Mum Mum alright don't blow that, just stop it Mum Mum!
Mum.
At the fuck is this shit?
Take a guess.
Who the bloody hell put this shit in the car Mum?
Take another guess.
We've got to get out of here Ron.
I'm serious we've
I A Ran? Ron, Ron?
I thought she was the one.
I thought she loved me Mum.
Listen Ron, the world's a fucking bitch alright.
Fuck it and move.
Fuck get out of here, get our of here now.
I feel terrible Mum.
I feel all crumbly inside.
I don't know what to do.
Let it go just take a breather and
walk away from it and just let it go.
I've never felt like this before.
How long will it take to get this out of me?
I got this feeling inside me Mum.
Why did she do that to me, why?
First of all you're gonna feel in denial,
and then you'll feel all pissed off and then,
and then a spot of depression.
Finally you'll a
you'll accept you're a fucking muppet.
Now, have you got our passports?
Oh you idiot, not again.
Well so where the bloody hell are we now?
Wait Mum, come let's just take the car.
No we can't, they'd be looking for us.
What's your plan then?
Have a look, the Pyrenees.
I really hope you're not thinking
what I think you're thinking.
France is just somewhere down there.
Down there?
Somewhere down there?
Down fucking where Mum?
What that street there, just to the right of it?
Mother we are never ever gonna make that.
Mum?
Yes, let's ramble.
I'm walking fucking too.
Can you just pace yourself please?
'Cause the faster we walk the sooner we get there.
Mum.
Mum?
Hold on.
I have to go to the ladies.
I don't fucking believe it.
Oh for fuck's sake you got me a fright.
Where the bloody hell did you get that from?
I got it from your.
Just throw it away Mum, seriously just throw it away.
Are you crazy?
This shit will get us to France in no time.
France.
Listen.
Mum.
Come here, come here, come here.
I've got money, and a little bit left over.
Mum those kids looked like they were about eight,
You're so wrong, you should act older Mum.
Yeah shouldn't have probably did that.
You know what we should do
now we're in France don't you?
Get a car, and a bite to eat.
I don't know what he's saying but what a lovely accent.
Whatever you choose is all simply delicious, delicious.
Delicious.
Delicious, madam is delicious.
Can you please, please don't encourage her?
Delicious.
Listen, mother, she an have the mutton.
And I'll have the cassoulet please.
- (Cassoulet, mutton in foreign language)
- Delicious. - Delicious.
Sorry mate can you just bring the bloody food alright.
Yeah I think we get the point right.
Delicious, delicious.
Delicious.
Can you just, everyone's looking at me.
An you stop it please?
Those were simply delicious.
Stop Mum, don't, just stop please.
Listen, listen Mum.
We need to stop at Calais, sort out my documents,
and then meet father.
Listen, what do you say?
I need to go and powder me nose.
Mum, Mum please d do this to me please.
Please Mum.
Oh excuse me I'm looking for the ladies.
Let me show you.
So, what's for pudding?
I thought you already had yours.
Listen Ron don't be such a pain okay.
I'll take you to see your father on one condition.
Listen, anything you say, anything.
Well after you see him, and you sort out your papers,
you promise me that you never ever mention him again.
Bill please, bill.
No no, no no madam, no no madam madam madam.
No no no take it and just buy yourself something nice.
Shit shit, look look.
What?
No look.
Tell me, translate.
Tell me what they're saying please, explain.
Trafficking drug, drug traffickers.
They have dismantled a ring and the chap has been,
the chap I mean the chief, the chief has been arrested.
And they're looking for the two others.
Fernando, Fernando something, and the girl...
Yeah the girl.
Maria, Maria what?
Apparently they use tourists,
idiots to move the drugs from Spain to Europa.
Idiots?
Idiots.
Nuts, nuts.
Morons, morons.
Leave me alone.
Can you stop doing that
and concentrate on the road please?
I'm just checking alright.
It's a hired car Ron.
So 'was the other one Mum.
No no I'm just really nervous alright.
What if he doesn't like me?
Be a man for once.
Go on ask me something.
Alright, alright I will.
Why did Dad really leave us?
Sick of shit, dickhead, wife deserter.
No I can't see it, clunker, no it's not here.
But oh hold on, there is something here.
Leave me alone.
I know why Dad left us, it's because of you.
It's of the way you are right, it's your entire being,
that disgusting way your fucking brain works.
You're fucked up right, you're a fucking nightmare package.
No one, no one, absolutely no one could put up with you,
Alright not even a fucking saint.
You get this into your thick head.
I'm doing this for you, not for me.
Mum I'm really sorry, I didn't mean that.
Oh no you're not, you're fucking not sorry at all.
Let me tell you something.
The day you stop judging people will be
the day they stop judging you, and then maybe,
just maybe you can join the party.
What party?
Engine crank
Surely this is not it.
You sure this is the right place?
Let's get this over and done with.
[Alfred} Olga?
Alf?
You look...
Older?
Yeah well, so do you.
You must be Ron, come on.
Oh my God.
Dad?
Right yeah okay you got...
No no no no no no.
Meet the family, stay for lunch.
Please.
Please come in, come, come in, come in.
French people love their dogs.
They're actually really good for the soul.
Listen to you, the dog expert, good for the soul.
I'm just stating a 'well known fact.
They do bring happiness.
Maybe you should get one.
Let me introduce you to my lovely wife.
Shannelle.
I see.
Hey.
This is our love
What's his name?
Oh she's a bitch.
We call her Olga.
Fucking bitch.
Here we go.
Just have a sense of humor 's sake Mum seriously.
Look what you've done to me, look what you've done,
you've just embarrassed me down there, seriously.
You can fuck off right, fuck off.
Just shut your mouth Mum.
No you shut yours.
Seriously, what have you just done to me down there?
I haven't seen the boy sense he was born.
Don't do this to me.
I want this woman out of my house.
You like it Ron?
It's lovely, thank you.
Good.
Don't you enjoy the soup?
Or do you want some chips?
You lot are a bunch of wankers.
Why don't you ask that pratt why we came here
and then we can just piss off?
No no let her be, let her be.
She needs time to adjust, and you too.
We've had a really terrible few days Dad.
I'm really really sorry for her behavior.
Dad, you let him call you Dad?
I'm his father, he can call me Dad if he wants to.
Perfect, and why not Papa?
At an idiot.
Tell you what son, never get married.
What is it you need?
Tell me.
You're a bitchy little shit isn't ya?
Have a drink with me, we both deserve it.
We'll sort it out.
I will speak to the company lawyers to give us a hand.
You will get your birth certificate.
It should take no time.
Happy?
- Yeah. - Good.
Yeah I'm really happy yeah.
Perfect.
It's a new start.
That's what I want.
Good, that's good.
Oh my God.
Olga Olga.
Olga, Olga, oh my god, my dog, what are you doing?
Oh my God leave him alone, leave my dog alone.
Oh my God what are you doing?
Leave my dog alone.
Olga, oh God my dog is gone.
Olga!
Baby, she must be okay.
God you're amazing.
Thank you, oh thank you.
I mean what did happen to him?
He was an absolute loser before.
He was he was working for Transit Travel,
my father's company.
The bastard got me pregnant, that's it
I don't know what I was thinking.
Doesn't surprise me at all.
So he's still a loser then?
What have you got?
What I've got.
♪ Da da da da da
Here they are.
How did?
Really?
Is that real?
Oh well we had to bribe a few people but yes they are.
Honestly Dad, thank you so much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you so much, cheers to that.
Thinks, I mean thanks not thinks, I mean thanks.
Now you can travel legally.
You know what?
Son.
Olga.
Yes?
Stay with us, stay with me.
What?
Just a few weeks.
See if you like it here.
He can even stay a couple of months.
Really?
Yeah and your mother can come
and visit us anytime she wants to, yeah.
You know what?
I want to be a good, a real father to you.
A 'what, sorry Alfred?
I missed that, I didn't get what you just said.
No you heard it.
No I didn't, I missed it.
Just let him speak.
What do you say son?
Well, I'd love to.
Shannelle chuckles.
Thank you.
No Mum I don't.
No don't worry I'm going.
I'm gonna turn in.
I'm gonna take this with me, and I've had enough.
Mum I didn't mean it like that.
Have a good time, have a good time.
Listen I'm sorry, you don't have to say anything.
I was out of place.
I have no right to ask him anything,
take him away from his Mum, from you.
Nice.
Oh my God.
Oh no, oh no no no no no, no not again.
Worried, we're French.
♪ Hold on hold on hold on hold on ♪
♪ Together we'll keep breathing ♪
♪ So just hold on hold on hold on hold on ♪
♪ Together we'll keep breathing ♪
♪ So just hold on hold on hold on hold on ♪
You wanna stay?
Now you can.
Look I'm going home.
♪ I like that up down round round round we go ♪
♪ One day I could be high one day I could be low ♪
♪ Up down see this town nothing but 1000 shows ♪
♪ One day I could be high one day I could be low ♪
♪ Up down round round round we go ♪
♪ One day I could be high one day I could be low ♪
♪ Up down see this town nothing but 1000 shows ♪
♪ One day I could be high one day I could be low ♪
♪ Up down round round round we go ♪
Oi, wait, sit down a minute.
What Mum, what?
What do you see?
A 1967 a film, I don't know.
Look deeper.
Yeah it's our house Mum.
Look please can'we do this some other time?
We've been driving for hours and I'm desperate for a piss.
I see a new beginning.
No more getting pissed off with each other and no more lies.
I definitely second that, come on.
Oh Ron.
What Mum.
Ron come here I've got something to tell you.
Alright well can
I'm not ill, I never was.
What do you mean?
The cancer Ron, I never had it.
I was just frightened of being left alone.
Figured you'd leave me the same way your father did.
So I lied to you, I faked it to stop you from running away.
Mum, Mum Mum what are you talking about?
I was in the hospital with you when
you had the op, it don't make no...
Gall bladder, the second time was kidney stones.
Lost all your hair.
I made you a bloody hat 'cause you lost all your hair.
It was Antonio the hair dresser, a perm gone wrong.
A perm?
Yes, they mixed the activator with
the neutralizer and the whole thing exploded.
You lied to me.
Well no no, no no, no.
I mean it started off a small lie and it just...
Small?
Yeah and it just got bigger.
I don't believe it.
It's alright.
I need to go.
Hold on, listen Ron, the bad News is I've been an ass
but the good news is I'm not going to...
Oh Ron.
Ron!
Hey, hey.
Leave my son alone.