Forget it, man. She hates your guts.
I can't talk now, I have to run. Bye!
Testing, testing.
We are now bombing Russia.
Where's the goddamn button?
What?
Oh!
Your SAT results are in, and frankly I'm damn depressed.
You know, if you people spent more time on the three R's
and less time onThe Three Stooges,
not so many of you would have to waste your time
at that damned Junior College across the street.
Uh, good morning.
These are the announcements for Monday, April 25th.
A note to all sophomore health students,
tomorrow at lunch, there will be a required screening of the film
Why Susie Can't Go Swimming in room 20.
God. Almighty deity or first half of a cuss word.
Find out tonight from Brother Mike at the Young Life rap session.
Where's Mr. Bradwood?
Who cares? BOY 1: Probably dropping his pen again.
Hey, anybody got the answers to the homework?
You're only cheating yourself.
You look used as usual, Stacy.
That's because I was with your boyfriend.
Hey, babe. You wanna sit on my lap?
Dream on!
Good morning, Mr. Bradwood.
Easy Grader.
Oh, god, look at his back.
Hey, does this mean class is canceled? - Ew!
All right, be quiet.
Hey! Hey! Shut up!
Now, Mr. Icey is very hot right now.
Mr. Icey does not like children,
so let's not piss him off anymore than he already is.
Ice cream.
You, the drooler. Go first.
I want a rainbow pop, please.
One rainbow pop.
There you go, that'll be 80 cents.
I'll have a fruit bar.
One fruit bar.
Give me the money.
Now get out of here. She took my money.
What? BOY: She took my money.
You're busted. Give me that.
I got it. Ed!
Freeze!
No, no, no, no, no. Ah!
You're a cop?
Surprise, surprise.
Maybe you should radio out for some back-up.
Up you go, miss. Ow!
Where've you been, Ed?
I was thirsty, Nick.
You mean they actually assign cops to this?
Tell me about it.
Get in there.
Hey Dunbar, bring me a cup of coffee, would ya?
Two sugars. Yes sir.
Go ahead, Nick. I'll get them started.
Pretty much the key guy around here, eh, Dunbar?
You did?
Oh, that's fine, baby. Yeah.
You did number two all by yourself?
Oh, mommy gave you your picture book.
Oh, that's fine, baby.
Oh, lookie here. Daddy'll be home about 6:00, okay?
I love you, sweetheart.
Bye, bye now.
My Maggie's first solo flight on the can.
You must be very proud, sir.
Oh, yeah.
Well, what's up?
Sir, it's about the assignments I've been getting.
What about them? You and Malmburg having maritals?
Oh, no, sir. Ed's great.
It's just that every gag we get
seems to involve kids of one breed or another.
Yeah, so?
So, I hate kids.
It is goddamn un-American to hate kids, Dunbar.
I can't help it. We just don't get along.
Never did. Even when I was a kid.
You are a kid.
Sir, I'm 24 years old.
That's hardly a... It's hot out there.
I got more homicides than I got hair right now.
The last thing I need is one of my own guys
coming in here creating new problems.
So if you have a bug up your ass
about working with kids, animals, or aliens, or whatever,
you better get over it.
Work it out, understand?
Yes sir.
Nick, you better pick up line 41 right away.
It's Dave Hechter over in homicide.
Hechter's in homicide?
Now how the hell does an idiot like that get a shot in homicide?
Nick.
He's saying that your brother Matt
knifed a teacher over in Ballard this morning.
What?
This is Dunbar.
Hechter, here. We have a very dangerous situation down here, Dunbar.
Your brother's flipped. He's got a hostage.
What?
Uh, SWAT's here. Gotta run.
Don't touch him. I'll be right there.
What are we doing at a kiddie park?
Matt works here.
Excuse me. Where's Dave Hechter?
Never, never land.
Look, Nick. This is how Hechter gets himself in the news.
Put one of your men in that Rub a Dub Dub
Three Men in a Tub, all right?
Where is he, Dave?
Keep your shirt on.
What the hell?
Dave?
Wait! Sargent, give me your vest. Yes sir.
Oh, come on, Dave, just tell me where he is,
I'll straighten this out, and we can go home.
Hold your horses, Dunbar.
Bullhorn.
He's up top of Rapunzel's tower. Let's go.
You stay here, Malmburg.
Couple of things you should know.
One, he's got a shotgun. What?
Two, he's got a hostage, a maintenance man named Sal.
Listen, we're having a hard time getting in touch with your mother.
What's her name, Bobbie?
Yeah, she's out of town.
Your dad with her?
My dad's dead. You know that.
Boy, you really put on a great show, Dave.
Matt Dun... What the hell? Turn that.
Turn that that way. Jesus.
Matt Dunbar!
This is the police. Your brother's coming up to talk to you.
Here he comes.
Nick'll straighten this out in two seconds.
Oh, I ain't worried, Matt.
Hey, Nick. Hello, Matt.
You all right? I didn't do anything.
Oh, I know you didn't.
Nice shirt. Thank you.
Uh, Nick, this is my hostage, Sal Becker.
Sal, this is my brother Nick.
Pleasure, Sal. My pleasure, Nick.
I help Sal out around here.
Yeah. I'm the one who told the cops Matt had a shotgun.
I figured that oughta keep them away.
Good thinking, Sal.
Nick, this, this is all just a really big misunderstanding.
I was in detention when Bradwood got killed.
For what?
For punching Mr. Bradwood.
There you go, Nick. Just a big misunderstanding.
See, that morning I wake up
and the first thing I find is a note from Mom saying
that she's gone backpacking in the Yucatan for two weeks,
with this guy, Fergie.
I'm two seconds late
and as usual, Bradwood is immediately on my case.
So you two didn't get along.
And then he springs this quiz on us.
And I'm like super ready for a quiz, Nick.
I mean all I had for breakfast was a Twinkie.
So you cheated.
Bradwood catches me, he stands me up in front of the whole class
and tells everybody it's no wonder I'm such a loser,
I cheated my way through life.
So you punched him.
No, I told him he was full of shit. So he slapped me.
So then you punched him.
You're damn right. I told him I'd kill him
if he ever touched me again.
You told him you'd kill him?
I'm sorry, Nick.
It's all right.
Look,
if everything you said is true,
then you got nothing to worry about.
Sal, you gonna help me out here, or what?
All right.
Okay. Look, we're going to go out there now.
Now I promise you,
nobody's going to hurt you.
Nah, I trust you, Nick.
I know you wouldn't let anything happen to me.
All right.
Okay, we're coming out. He's unarmed.
Come out with your hands behind your heads.
Okay, don't worry about it. Stay right with me.
Okay, just walk toward me.
It's all right.
Stop right there. Hey, what is this?
What is this? Hechter, what is this?
He's just a kid, for Christ sake.
Nicky! NICK: It's okay, Matt.
Nick! It's all right.
It's all right. I'm right with ya.
Don't worry!
Appreciate your help, Dunbar.
You son of a bitch. Whoa, whoa, come on.
You better look for me.
You better look out. Don't worry, Matt. I'll take care of this.
Hey, I really don't think this is such a good idea.
I can handle Hechter. I just want to know what he's got on Matt.
Jeez, Ed.
I'm just getting it out of the way.
Yeah, I think you're safe here.
Forget that. I don't want you to get excited.
What are you talking about?
Just don't lose your temper.
I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, okay.
But I'm doing the talking.
Hey. Hey, hey.
What are you, blind?
Get this thing out of here, you freak.
All right, come on here. Move it!
I hope they plant Bradwood better than Bradwood planted his garden.
Hi, Dickie.
See, I'm a detail guy, Donna.
Some people say detail guys are anal.
I say we're just thorough. - Yes sir.
Hey, Dave, how's it going?
Hi, Ed. How're ya doing?
Fine. I just thought I'd stop by to see what's what.
Nothing, that's what's what. Case closed.
Promotions all around. Donna, get this to forensics.
Case closed already? Open and shut.
Like the mouth of a giant clam.
Gee, Dave. You're the best. DAVE: Thanks, Ed.
But I know that boy, Matt.
And he's not a killer.
Oh, I beg to differ, Ed.
The school counselor says the kid was cocked and loaded to begin with.
I mean, just take a quick peek-a-boo at his home life.
Mom's lived in five states in five years,
had twice as many jobs,
three times as many boyfriends.
Boy, Dunbar's mother really seems to be an easy lay,
if you know what I mean.
Oh, hi, Nick.
Dunbar!
You're on suspension, now take a hike!
Looks like I'm going to have a little free time to help you out.
Great, now you can get me the hell out of here.
What were you doing with a knife in your locker?
It was the one that Dad gave me.
Mom told me to get rid of it, but I just couldn't.
Why were you still in detention when school started?
Kyle Kerns was supposed to come get me.
He never showed up. Who?
Kyle Kerns. He's head of the Wardens.
Who are the Wardens?
They're sort of like hall monitors.
You think it's possible he set you up?
My new philosophy is, anything's possible.
Ever seen him before?
"Out damned spot?"
It's from Macbeth.
Who's he?
Macbeth?
No, the guy in the picture.
Oh, he was looking for something at Bradwood's house.
So, now what?Well...
For anybody to frame ya,
they would have had to have known you were in detention,
and everybody that knows that is at the school.
Great, so lose the suit, and pretend to be a kid.
I mean you're supposed to be good at that kind of thing, right?
Matt.
Matt, nobody's going to believe I'm a high school kid.
Oh, be serious, Nick. Nobody believes you're a cop.
Well, the idea stinks.
I mean the last thing in the world I want to do is go back to high school.
I'd rather die.
Come on, Dad.
You owe me big time for this.
Pardon me.
Nick Springsteen.
Right here.
Any relation, dude?
Distant.
Got any bootlegs, dude?
Excuse me. Excuse me. Springsteen?
It was Matt's idea.
Uh-huh!
Hey.
Mr. Springsteen?ED: Yes.
I need for you to fill these out for me,
and sign them, please.
Right now?
No, after he graduates.
Jane!
Jane! I'm hungry!
Sally, get the principal a jelly.
Right away, Mrs. Melway.
It's always the same thing.
Always a goddamn jelly donut.
Just once I'd like a piece of...
The furnace went on with the air conditioner.
We haven't been able to get it off yet.
Where did you say you were from again?
Delaware.
Where did you go to school there?
George Washington.
All right.
We have a schedule for him.
But we need a transcript from his old school ASAP.
Is Friday good?
Tomorrow would be better.
I will finish this for you.
It's going to take me a minute.
Now, son,
let's not have a repeat of what happened at the last school.
I love you, son.
Get out of here, Ed.
He's my only boy.
Bye, Nicky. You take care.
Hey, excuse me. You take care.
Damn it.
I can manage, thanks.
Oh, that's okay. It's no problem.
I'm new.
Neat...
Maybe we'll have some classes together.
Yeah, maybe.
Hey! Over here.
Okay.
Your homeroom is with Miss Torrence, or Ms. Torrence,
or whatever the hell she calls herself these days.
Ms. Torrence is fine, thank you.
You're a teacher?
Surprise, surprise.
Hello.
308, homeroom.
Locker upstairs in the back.
Here's a map, here's a schedule,
here's a combination.
You can read the map if you'll stop dripping all over it.
I'm sorry. This heat's murder.
Get used to it. Next!
Attention mathletes.
This year's inter-school, oral calculus competition
will be held next Friday.
Better start working out now.
This is the nurse.
Warren Weinberg, your medication is in the front office.
We're with you, Matt.
He was cute.
It makes him cuter now, if you think about it.
Ew, look out for the blood.
I heard both Bradwood's eyes were poked out.
See you later.
Good riddance.
A kid trimmed a teacher a couple of days ago, right after the late bell.
My name's Carter, how're you doin'?
Fine. This is Jeff.
But everybody around here just calls him Deaf Jeff.
Oh, he must love that.
What does he care?
So what's your name?
Uh, Nick, Springsteen.
No shit. Any relation?
Distant. Real distant.
So, Carter, were you anywhere near when this happened?
Sure, I saw the whole thing happen.
You saw the teacher get killed?
Well, no, but I was in the room right after
when Mr. Bradwood came stumbling in
and just died right in front of everybody. It was sick.
The chick next to me puked.
Just like that?
Nah, she screamed first.
No, I mean Mr. Bradwood.
He just, he just walked in and died just like that?
No, he said "Easy grader," then he died.
The guy...
The guy's last words were "Easy grader?"
Yeah, you know the whole thing makes you want
to re-evaluate your own life, doesn't it?
I mean, one minute the guy's here teaching Modern Government,
and the next minute he's plant food.
Jeff.
Thanks.
Oh yeah. GIRL: Scott, get in here!
Easy grader.
Cathy, come on! Hey.
You got a pass, bunghole?
Do I need one?
Well, you do now.
Are you new?Yeah.
You got a name?Nick.
Nick. As in Nick knock?
Yeah, that's right. Knock's my last name.
Well, my name is Kerns.
As is Kyle Kerns?
Yeah. Bingo, bunghole.
You see what it says on my shirt?
It says 'Warden'.
That's right.
Don't forget that name.
Our job around here is to stop trouble before it happens.
To kick trouble's ass.
Or maybe even, say, kill it, if you had to.
You see what it says on your shirt?
It doesn't say anything on my shirt.
That's right.
Don't forget that, either, Nick.
That's an awful lot to remember, Karl.
Kyle.
Now, you start walking.
This is going to be a nightmare.
Okay, now there's a million and one uses for these things.
All right, kids, use your heads.
See, they can be a, uh...
I guess a lamp base, huh?
A table leg. Am I right?
Young man, you paying attention?
Huh?
Who, me?Yeah.
Uh, yes sir, a million and one uses.
Great.
Okay, there's a sign-up sheet right here for the lathe.
There's a whole bin full of these babies up front.
Okay, let's go. Come on.
And sharpen your tools, please.
Everybody wants to use them.
Nobody wants to sharpen them, am I right?
Let's you and me have a little talk, all right?
Matey.
Right now, in my office.
Okay, keep your minds on your work, kids,
and your fingers on your hands.
You're a counselor, Mr. Butler?Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Of course, after proposition nine, a few years back,
I had to give up counseling full time, and return to teaching.
But...
What's your story, son, huh?
Dope, a broken home.
Your old man slap you around, make a pass at you.
Come on, you can tell me.
My dad never made a...Don't give me that.
I can spot an aggressive, poorly integrated teenager a mile away.
Okay, Mr. Butler, you, you got me.
Nick, son, it's my job, okay, to spot kids like you,
and, to teach you somehow to turn that aggression that you have
into more constructive...
More constructive...
Things.
Exactly.
Years ago, Nick,
I had a girl in Wood 1, who was very talented with the lathe.
The work this girl did, I don't know, it'd make you weep, Nick.
But, I'm afraid before she came to me,
she was just another bimbo on a bus to nowhere.
A what?
Real loser, Nick.
I'm talking marijuana,
bad grades,
attempted suicide, braces.
You name a problem, Mary had it, okay?
Acne. Completely disgusting acne.
There you go.
Are we talking honker, or what? I mean...
Nick, one day
I caught Mary stealing some ditto paper from the mimeo room.
My god.
I gave her a choice.
Either I could call the police right then and there, or, huh?
She could pick up a hammer, Nick,
and build something for herself.
Now woodshop saved that girl's life. I happen to know it.
So, how's Mary these days?
Oh, who cares, Nick, the point is I know
how to handle kids like that, okay?
So now anytime you get these destructive urges, huh?
You want to reach out and, I don't know, wreck something,
you come to me, and we turn these,
I don't know, call it negative energy you have,
into something, more...
Better?
Exactly.
Okay, come on.
Gee, it's a shame you couldn't have helped
the kid that killed that teacher.
Yeah, yeah, well you know, Nick?
In some ways, I really kind of blame myself for that one,
but, you try to give a kid a break,
but some kids seem to be born with one foot in the slammer.
They, they just, they're gonna wind up there,
take the plunge, no matter what you do for them, huh?
I see.
Go on, kid. Build something.
Let's keep some action in here.
Come on, ladies, pull.
You look like a bunch of rejects from the girl scouts.
For God's sake, Springsteen, get a jock.
Don't you know your balls are developing until the age of 20?
You'll end up singing soprano.
Uh, yes sir.
Coach! Move it! Come on, let me see that.
Two cash payments.
Come on, let's see that.
Okay, shower up.
Nice work out, Coach Zeffer.
Attention.
A memorial for Mr. Bradwood has just been announced
for 10:00 a.m. this Saturday at Derf Memorial Park.
There will be a pancake breakfast immediately following the services.
Remind me to get some flowers.
Here.
Gee, it's a real tragedy, losing a teacher like that.
Yeah,
if anybody deserved to take a dirt nap, it was Bradwood.
There any reason you keep talking to me?
Just being friendly.
Yeah.
But you're also naked.
That bothers me.
Right, sorry.
You know, Nick, there's only three kinds of people in this world.
There's my kind of people
and there's pussies.
That's only two kinds, Cal.
Kyle.
And I think that you are a goddamned pussy.
Oh!
What is wrong with you?
What's the matter, cat got your tongue?
Huh?
You just gonna stand there?
Come on, come on. You wanna take a shot?
Come on, I know you wanna take a shot at me, don't ya, Nick?
Huh?
Come on. Hit me, hit me.
Hit me.
What the hell's the matter with you, man?
Hey! Knock it off!
Pussy.
And now, Belinda Ann Farrell, Poetry Club,
with an announcement about Friday night's May Festival.
This Friday night, a wonderful sight, It's okay.
colors ignite, spring delight.Sorry.
Say you will, not tonight, and show up, Friday night.
This is the nurse. Warren Weinberg, your mother called.
Your dermatologist appointment has been changed to 4:30.
Food Service says that in the near future only cold lunches
will be served until the gas problem and the rat problem are taken care of.
My god, Hechter, what happened to you?
Well, some guy hit me, but you ought to see him.
Call it a bad sense of humor,
but the PTA gets a little uptight
when the kids start killing the teachers.
Well, we should have the whole thing straightened out in no time.
I certainly hope so, because now you see,
they feel like like they're targets.
And we can't just have them out there for someone to shoot at.
Well, I'm a detail guy, Mr. Gardner,
so we should have the whole thing worked out in no time.
Hey!Sorry.
Do whatever we have to do to get the perpetrator behind bars.
I certainly hope you do,
because if you don't, there's gonna be
you know, the pressure of this business...
You know, you'd be surprised
just how much looking where you're going can help.
Doesn't the boy have a brother who's a cop?
Oh yeah, well, that's using the word cop very loosely.
Hey, aren't you the new kid?
Ned Mellencamp, is it?
Nick Springsteen.
Yeah, close enough.
Hey!
Nick, it's over here. Oh.
Thanks, Nick.
Those are mine, remember, Nick?
By the way, the DA is talking about trying the kid as an adult.
The hearing's tomorrow morning. Thanks.
Spot. As in "out damned spot?"
You read Macbeth?
Oh, yeah.
Spot stands for State Pension Organization of Teachers.
It's for grown-ups, Nick.
Just like the teachers' lounge.
You'll excuse me please?
You're gonna,
really think this is stupid,
but I forgot the assignment you gave us this morning.
It's not stupid, it's just typical.
I asked everyone to bring an example of a metaphor.
What a great idea for an assignment, Ms. Torrence.
Excuse me.
It's a little early to start brown-nosing, don't you think, Nick?
That a girl, Miss Torrence.
I think there's a connection between Bradwood, Zeffer
and this mystery man with a breathing problem.
Now I gotta figure out a way to check out this meeting at Zeffer's house.
No sweat, just hang out with Zeffer's daughter.
His daughter? Yeah, she's a senior.
Her name's Dawn-Marie.
You must've seen her.
Great rack, decent face,
blonde hair down to her knees.
She's in one of my classes.
That's Zeffer's daughter?
Step-daughter, actually.
I know she tutors geometry, or something like that.
I don't think she'll talk to me.
Well, I'm surprised anybody talked to you. I mean, look at you.
What's wrong with the way I look?
You look like a thug.
Matt, I don't have time to go shopping for clothes anymore.
I have a metaphor to come up with,
I have a history quiz to study for.
So what? Flunk the quiz,
hell flunk everything, what difference does it make?
So you won't graduate.
Nick, the only way you're gonna get anywhere
is if you get people to talk to you,
to trust you.
And to do that you gotta use
what I call "the mystique of the new guy."
How do I use that?
Lie. Make up shit about yourself.
I've been doing that. I've been telling everybody I'm from Delaware.
Delaware, Nick. They make chemicals in Delaware.
You should tell people you lived on a boat.
A boat that you made, and there were chicks on it.
Chicks?
See, your problem is that you've always been more like an adult than a kid.
I mean, remember when you asked your biology teacher to the prom?
Hell, she went. Yeah, but...
Dawn-Marie's not gonna give you the time of day
unless you lighten up.
So go ahead, Nick. Be an animal.
I mean, it's for a good cause.
The sun rises up,
up through the hoop of darkness,
like a flaming basketball.
I wrote that.
That was lovely, Mark.
It was also a simile, not a metaphor.
Jill. You get a metaphor?
My life is trash. I wrote that.
Comfy, Nick?
Be great if I had a cup, or something.
Let's hear your metaphor, Nick.
Okee dokee.
I've selected a poem.
She Being Brand New by E.E. Cummings.
"She, being brand new,
"and you know, consequently a little stiff,
"I was careful of her.
"And, having thoroughly oiled the universal joint
"tested my gas, felt of her radiator
"made sure her springs were okay.
"I went right to it.
"Flooded the carburetor, cranked her up,
"slipped the clutch,
"and then somehow got into reverse.
"She kicked.
"What the hell.
"Next minute I was back in neutral,
"tried, and again
"slowly, barely,
"nudging my lever
"right, oh
"and her gears being in A-one shape,
"passed from low through second into high like greased lightning
"Just as we turned the corner of Divinity Avenue
"I touch the accelerator
"and give her the juice, good,
"it was the first ride
"and believe I, we
"was happy to see how nice she acted
"right up to the last minute,
"coming back down by the Public Gardens,
"I slammed on the internal expanding
"and external contracting brakes both at once.
"And brought all of her
"trembling, to a dead standstill."
Yeah, I had a car like that once.
So basically, a metaphor means
you're talking about one thing,
but what you're really talking about is doinking.
That's exactly what a metaphor is.
Although it doesn't always have to refer to, umm, sex.
You can be talking about war, or death, or love, or anything.
It's a very mature choice of material, Nick.
Yeah, well I'm a very mature guy, Ms. Torrence.
Hi! Can I help you?
Uh, yes, Nicky, forgot his lunch.
Hi, son.
It's a special diet, he has a very delicate stomach.
Nicky?
Damn.
Hello, sir.
Did you just call me sir?
Yes, sir.
Emergency after-school pregnancy test.
Well, who the hell's pregnant.
I'm not reading this.
Jane!
Warren Weinberg.
This is Nurse Horner.
I think you've still got my thermometer, uh,
somewhere on your person.
Please find it and return it immediately.
40?
What are you doing in here?
Mrs. Melway.
What are you doing in here?
I was looking for a pencil.
In here?
Well, why not? This guy doesn't need them anymore.
Gonna eat lunch, Jane?
Not with you, Chet.
I still haven't received the transcripts from your father.
Oh, well, knowing him, he probably forgot.
Well, then, perhaps you should remind him.
Now, why don't you go eat your lunch, young man.
And you can leave the pencil.
Thank you.
Parker, use your fork to eat with.
Poke her once more and you're outta here.
Guys are just clueless.
I mean, the manhandling,
the way they just order you around all the time.
I get so sick of that macho crap.
You know what I mean? No.
Hi.
Hey, it's the poet.
Could I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
Oh, thanks.
This is Camilla, Terez and this is Nina.
Hi. Nice to meet all of you. This is Nick Springsteen.
Any relation?
Distant.
Actually it's pronounced "Spring-stein."
So, what did you want to talk about?
Can I come over to your house?
You want to come over to my house?
Well, to study geometry.
You tutor it, don't you?
Why haven't you had geometry before?
I mean, aren't you a senior?
Well, my old school's pretty much in the dark ages.
Oh. Where was your old school?
Delaware. Harbor.
Delaware Harbor?
Yeah, I lived on a 60-foot sloop.
A racing sloop.
You lived on a boat with your family?
With friends.
Hey, sweets.
Did you miss me? Tons.
Yeah, hey, listen, ah, D.M.,
me and Bob are going to McBride's house tonight
and we figured,
you might want to come along, you know,
watch us raise a Blazer a couple of feet.
What's he doing here?
He wants me to help him with his geometry.
When did you have in mind?
Tonight would be great.
Great.
What are you, a thrill seeker?
No, I'm just a really bad student, Ken.
Kyle.
D.M., there's no way you're gonna help this guy.
Look, don't tell me what to do!
Maybe you should use a more sensitive approach.
Sensitive approach?
I'll give you a sensitive approach.
Whoa! Kyle, if you hurt him...
You're dead, bunghole.
Holy shit!
Springsteen popped the principal!
Great.
Now you've been here less than 24 hours,
and already you're pissing me off.
That's not a good sign, son.
I'm sorry, sir.
How's your jaw?
Oh, I've taken worse.
Now, look, Nick.
As you may have noticed, things are kinda hot in here.
I've got more troubles than a blind guy in a mind field.
So the very last thing I need
is some new kid coming in here and making my life
more miserable than it already is. Understand?
Precisely, sir.
Sir? Good.
Now, along with your other punishment,
I'm going to ask you to have a chat with Mr. Butler,
the school counselor.
My "other punishment?"
This is gonna hurt me a lot more than it's gonna hurt you, Nick.
I seriously doubt that, sir.
Besides, isn't that against the law, now?
Oh, I make the laws around here, son.
Now, bend over and grab your ankles.
Okay, good boy. Come on, boy.
There, there you go.
Hey, Nick.
See you, dude.
All right, Nick.
Way to go, buddy.
Hi, Nick.
Hi. Hi, Nick.
Hey, boss. BOY: Hi, Nick.
Hey, Nick.
You fought the law and you won, dude.
Not quite.
Wow, what a year.
First, Matt Dunbar sends Mr. Bradwood into eternal slumber,
and now you tag the principal in front of half the school.
There hasn't been a year like this
since Benny Berman laid his dick out on the overhead projector
in old man Wiseman's class.
Well, at least I'm in good company. Yeah.
Me and Jeff here were about to go downtown for a while.
Maybe scope some Betty's,
power a few brews. You wanna come?
Scope Betty's?
Yeah.
Maybe some other time.
I guess I'll see you later then. Okay?
Okay. All right.
Hey, Nick!
So, did you punch out the faculty at your old school, too?
It was an accident. I respect my teachers.
Give me a break, Nick. Nobody respects teachers anymore.
So why teach?
I like kids.
You look like a kid.
Yeah, well, you get used to it.
Last year I got asked to the prom.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I've always had kind of a baby face myself.
Well, you look 17 to me.
Yeah, well, I'm 18.
That's not maybe.
It's not maybe. It's no!
Do you understand "no?" I didn't ask you for a maybe.
If you would just tell me sometime.
No wonder she's so mean. - Leave me alone.
I mean, first she loses her husband
and then she has to come out of retirement and work as a secretary.
Then her fiance gets murdered.
Mrs. Melway was engaged to Mr. Bradwood?
No!
How did her husband die?
The way I hear it, he was home hooked up to an iron lung.
The housekeeper accidentally yanked the plug
with the vacuum cleaner.
No.
I swear to God.
Umm, do you need a ride, Nick?
You mean, home?
Yeah.
To where I live in my house?
Right.
Uh, I better not.
It's no trouble.
I mean, how's it gonna look?
You're a teacher seen alone with me, a student, in a car.
People will start talking.
We might even forget ourselves.
The next thing you know we kiss, the whole thing gets ugly.
I'm just offering you a ride home, Nick.
Let's not kid ourselves, Ms. Torrence.
Hi, Nick. Come on in.
Look, my dad is having some geek teacher meeting
so we're going to have to study up in my room, okay?
Hey, nick.
Coach.
The kids are spritzing all over themselves,
no one is paying any attention,
so I decide to open a window.
All of them are nailed shut. I couldn't believe it.
Well, it because of last year. Remember?
When the kids started throwing the desks out the windows?
- Oh, yes, Robin. - Now I remember.
Robin. Robin.
You know, I've been spending
a lot more time in the bathroom lately.
I wonder if they're going to have the red punch or the green punch?
And how are we going to get the nails out of the windows?
I don't know.
So first we state that MNO
and PQR must be 45-degree angles.
We just come right out and state that?
Well, now we're gonna prove it.
So, if lines AB and CD are parallel,
then angles MNO and PQR must be congruent.
And if the intersections of lines
EF and GH
form a 45-degree at NGU then...
Nick,
you're not paying attention.
What?
Nick, this is very important.
I mean someday you're going to need all this stuff.
Geometry skills carry over into all kinds of everyday things.
Yeah? Like what?
Like...
Well, it teaches us simple deductive reasoning.
Or figuring out the area of your backyard.
I don't know.
Miss Horner says it's important. I know that much.
Dawn-Marie, trust me.
Geometry is not going to play the key role in our lives
that you think it is.
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
Are you saying that
you don't want to study anymore?
Oh, no.
No. That not what I'm saying.
It hot in here, isn't it?
Well, the fan's pretty nice.
You know,
I thought I was going to die
the day when you read that poem, Nick.
For a minute I couldn't even feel my legs.
You know, you and Kyle Kerns make a pretty nice pair.
Me and Kyle are history.
I mean, ever since that Bradwood thing
he has been an absolute jerk.
Bradwood thing?Mm-hm.
Mr. Bradwood made a pass at me.
Shocked?
I'm no virgin, Nick. Oh, no.
Of course not.
Look,
the Coach can barely afford to feed us,
let alone send me to a decent college.
Mr. Bradwood said, that he would improve my grade.
Well, what's a little kiss?
Actually, it was more than a kiss.
How much more?
I aced that class, Nick.
I gotta run to the oval office.
It Camille you like, isn't it?
Who?Camille.
Nick, she a slut. A real slam hound. Trust me.
I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.
It down the hall, second door on your left.
I'll be right back.
The official groundbreaking
is Monday in Arizona,
May 2nd, at which point SPOT will pay
Dunsinane Construction three million dollars.
Now let me take this time to say
without more investments like the Casa Del Sol Project,
SPOT on its present course is heading towards disaster.
So that concludes the finance committee's presentation.
I'd like to take questions from the general membership.
Miss Torrence.
Coach Zeffer, as a younger teacher, how do I know
that the money will still be there by the time I retire?
That an excellent question.
And as I said earlier, I can assure you
that real estate investments such as this one are very safe.
I'm sure I speak for all of us on the finance committee
when I say that our goal
is to make you younger teachers' retirement
even more comfortable than...
Mr. Wiseman. What kind of a percentage of return will we get?
I would estimate 20% or better,
with 10% tax free.
Mrs. Melway, do you have any question?
I don't have a question.
But I have a statement I'd like to share.
40.
Well,
I really appreciate you helping me, Dawn-Marie. I...
I learned a lot.
You're welcome.
I really hope that you're planning on going to the May Fest tomorrow night.
I'd be really bummed if you didn't go.
Oh, I'd hate to bum anybody.
I mean, I'll, I'll think about it.
Well, goodnight.
After a kiss like that,
you just know he's going to go straight home and spank the monkey.
Well, we're down to two prime suspects. Kyle Kerns and Coach Zeffer.
Now Kerns could have done it outta jealousy.
It turns out that Bradwood was doinking Dawn-Marie, Kerns' girlfriend.
Doinking?
Yeah, but it's not like Dawn-Marie is a slam hound or anything, Ed.
A what?She just did it for the grade.
I would've got more out of her on the whole deal
but by this time the girl was all over me.
The Coach daughter was all over you?
Oh, yeah, and you should see this girl, Ed.
Nice face. Great rack.
Dunbar, several state laws immediately come to mind.
And that's how I found out the combination to Zeffer's safe.
Bradwood had written 34, 24, 40
in his grade book.
Now, at first I thought that was Dawn-Marie's measurements.
And then I realized, that idea is totally bogus
'cause there no way Dawn-Marie's got 40 in her wheel wells.
I wish you could hear yourself.
Hi, guys.
You enjoying your vacation, Nick?
Take a pill, Dave.
Where was I?
Totally bogus wheel wells.
I think Coach Zeffer is planning on ripping off
his pension fund for three million dollars.
Where the hell did you get that?
If Dunsinane's a front for Zeffer,
then we know the three million is going into his pocket.
If Bradwood found out about this and started blackmailing him,
then Zeffer has a motive for murder.
A-plus, Nick.
Well, it simple deductive reasoning, Ed. That why we study geometry.
Yeah, but you're still going to need proof
whether it was Kerns or Zeffer.
I wish to God I knew what Bradwood meant by "Easy grader."
And who's the wheezer in the Cadillac?
And why am I eating this shit? I've got to go.
I'll see you later, okay? I'll call ya.
Nick,
a kid hung himself in my cell last night.
I've never seen anything like that before.
I'm getting real close. Just hang in there with me.
Nick, get me outta here.
Now, of course I realize that there are some people, you know, who need...
To be violent.
For them, it's, I don't know, some kind of a...
Rush.
You see what I'm getting at, at all, here, Nick?
Oh, absolutely.
I'll never hit that principal again, sir.
Yeah, yeah.
Boy, that guy really looks familiar.
Who, what guy, Nick?
That little, wimpy guy, with the glasses?
Isn't he like a senator or something?
Oh, no, no, no, he's dead, Nick.
He's dead?That right.
How did he die?
Well, he fell off a bridge.
He fell off a bridge?Right after graduation, can you believe that?
It's like... No.
Well, can I do something for you, Ms. Torrence?
Yes, I'd like to see Nick Springsteen's transcripts.
Why?
Why? Well, he's doing very good work
and I was just wondering what other kind of literature
classes he had at his other school.
We aren't suddenly developing a little yen for the boy, now are we, Ms. Torrence?
No, I was just curious about his grades, that all.
Mrs. Melway, when you were a teacher, you never...
Never!
Jane, I was wondering if you weren't
busy a little bit later, maybe we could...
Yes, I am.
Are you sure, 'cause we could
get a bite to eat before the festival, you know. I am busy.
I thought that just, never mind.
You know what?
His transcript still isn't here.
They're a gang.
No George Washington High School anywhere in Delaware?
No, Ma'am. I've checked all the municipal records.
There was one, but it closed, eight years ago.
What?
I said it closed eight years ago.
It closed eight years ago?
Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry.
Detective Malmburg. Ed, it's me.
Listen, I think I got a line on the Wheezer.
Yeah? His name's Simon Feck.
Thank you. Thank you. Very much.
Chat's over, Nick.
Oh, gee, Kyle. Is this really fair? There only three of you.
Ah,
that more like it.
Who is this guy, Kyle?
Shit, that's who he is.
You know what we do with shit around here, Nick?
From your breath, I'd say you eat it.
Yeah, Smash his face.
Kyle, come on. Kick his ass, Kyle. Come on.
Get in there. Kick his ass. Fight back, you wimp.
Code blue in the corridor, Mr. G! Code blue.
Go!
Fight back, you wimp. Kick his ass, Kyle.
Kick his ass.
Oh, no. All right, all right. Break it up, break it up.
Sick of all this goddamned punching. Look at that.
You, Kyle, in my office.
What are you talking about? He started it.
Now! He started it!
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
I won't forget this. You're meat, pal. You hear me?
Get in my office. Now, you just bought yourself
a trophy case. Come on, let's go.
It's ripped. Maybe you should just take it off.
Ah, here he is now.
For Christ sake, Nick. What the hell happened to you?
I got into a fight. You got into a what?
It's no biggie, the principal broke it up.
Well, I guess I'll see you tonight, Nick.
No, you won't be seeing Nick tonight.
Nick's grounded tonight.
A bit harsh, don't you think, Ed?
What do you mean harsh, Nick?
You're supposed to be helping your brother Matt,
not getting yippee with some cheerleaders.
What did you find out on Simon Feck?
Got a lot of things on Feck.
He's got a file as thick as a phone book.
No kidding?
A master debater. I'm shocked.
He's a scam artist, Nick. Real estate.
Just finished serving time in Utah.
What about Dunsinane Construction?
Some little closet space down by the canal.
Well punch it, Dad.
You've lost it.
It's up here.
Looks like we caught him at a bad time.
It's a letter opener.
Nice.
There nothing here. This joint's a front.
Hell, this is not making sense. I mean, why off the guy?
Without him they don't have a scam.
Maybe he was gonna rip 'em off?
I don't know, Ed. I'm thinking.
- Dunsinane Construction. - Simon says,
leave a message at the beep.
Simon? Jane Melway here. Listen.
I think there a cop in the school.
The finance committee is having an emergency meeting during the May Fest tonight,
9:00, teacher's lounge.
Oh, I hope you're feeling better.
This humidity must be like a knife in your lungs. Bye.
Now, whatever you do, Dad, don't embarrass me.
Oh, I promise, Nicky. Just show some respect for Daddy.
I don't care what the point of it is.
Go run around the maypole by yourself.
Hi. How much?
Five bills each.
Dad?
Yeah, well this is coming out of your allowance.
Okay, thank you. There you are.
Don't forget to vote. For what?
King and Queen of the May.
Here's your pencil. Thank you.
Hey, Sheila!
Hi, how're ya doin'?
Hey, Nick!
Look at that.
Hey, Nick. How ya doing, man? Hey.
Hey, is this your Pop?Yeah.
My name is Carter. And this is Jeff. Hello, Carter.
Hello, Jeff. Having fun, boys? Don't eat too much popcorn.
Not here. Not here.
Hey, I'm going to go check out the dunking booth.
I'll see you at 9:00.
Where?
Oh, oh, okay.
Hit me with what you've got, honey. Come on, show it to me.
Aw, you could do better than that, come on.
Oh, let's go, lady.
Here, let me help you out.
Nick, what are you doing?
Just, look at the target. Don't watch your hand.
Springsteen, he's not gonna help ya.
Throw real easy, and snap your wrist.
You got to get some, whoa!
Lucky, lucky, Ms. Torrence.
Nice shot, Robin.
Nick, you made it.
I didn't think you were going to come.
I thought maybe we could check out the Ferris Wheel.
I've got to go do some time at the ticket table.
You two have fun.
Nick, come on, let's go.
Coach, it's almost 9:00.
Come on, the meeting.
I just got dunked for crying out loud. I'll be right there.
Why don't you go by yourself, I gotta find my dad.
You said we were going out to dinner.
Well, I thought we'd get a couple corn dogs.
Glad you could make it, Lieutenant.
My pleasure.
Jim, this is my girlfriend, Rhonda. Hi.
How do you do? Jim's the principal here.
Whoa!
Boy what an absolutely scintillating frock. Thanks, Nick.
Tonight's the night, Nick.
Gee, that sounds really romantic, Kyle, but right now I gotta...
I'll be waiting for you up in the east stairwell.
This time no teachers, no interruptions, no kids, no nothing.
Just you and me.
Yeah, okay. You and me.
Testing, testing. I'm going to be waiting for you.
Okay, everybody, we're just about ready
to announce the King and Queen of the May.
But first we want to thank you all for coming tonight.
We've raised over $5,000!
We are going to have the best-looking band in the state.
Quiet everybody.
I'm proud to announce, that this year's Queen of the May, is...
Dawn-Marie Zeffer.
Nick. Did you see Hechter? Huh?
What? Yeah, Hechter's here.
Hechter's here? Right there with Miss Tacoma.
Come on.
And this year's King of the May is...
Nick Springsteen.
That's you. Nick Springsteen.
Right on, dude. Give me some flesh.
I voted for you, man. Thanks.
Come on, let's go, kid.
Nick!
Nick.
That couldn't be.
Hey kid, who was that you were talking to?
He's the King of the May.
Who the hell do you think he is?
Nick, come up here.
We know you're out there.
Springsteen's a cop.
I can't believe that. - What?
That's right, a cop.
A cop! I knew it.
I knew he was too polite to be a student.
You're all under arrest.
Are they...
Are they all under arrest, Nick?
What are you arresting us for?
Was Bradwood blackmailing all of you?
Yeah, thanks to Jane.
He made me tell him everything.
He made you?
Well, you might say that he twisted my arm.
We're not criminals, Nick. Not really.
$200,000 a piece.
What about murder?
Whoa-ho-ho. The boy did that.
No, the boy didn't do anything.
How do you know?
Because the boy is my brother.
That's why you're here?
Someone just killed Simon Feck.
You and your schemes, Zeffer.
Shut up, sit down.
A couple of you people take care of that woman,
and the rest of you sit down.
Where's Butler?
He knew about the meeting.
I saw him at the fair.
Why isn't Butler here with the rest of us.
All right.
We're gonna be right back.
In the meantime, I want you to stay put, and behave.
I'm putting Coach Zeffer in charge.
Thanks a lot.
I'll take the basement, Nick.
You've got to get the wise man to do some wisdom now...
Shit!
I thought I told you all to stay put?
Well, I am too scared,
and I am packing up and getting out of here for good.
What are you afraid of, Mrs. Melway?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, I think you do, Mrs. Melway.
Okay. All right.
You're right.
Nobody's being murdered because of the pension fund scam.
People are being killed...
Because of me.
You see, 25 years ago,
I had an affair with a student.
Mr. Butler. Yes.
It was a week later
that the accident happened,
and my husband was dead.
You know,
at first I really didn't think anything about it.
And then,
the young man started writing letters.
And in one of them he said
that he had killed my husband.
Well, I didn't believe him.
And then, he said,
I spend my hours
cutting and sawing and thinking of you.
Did you save these letters?
Of course I did.
Every single one of them.
And I put them in this metal box
and I kept them in case anything should happen to me
and I'd be missing.
But now it is the metal box that's missing,
and it's been missing for months.
Besides I really didn't think that Chet meant those things.
Chet?
You stay here.
Sit down.
Well you won't leave me alone too long?
Mrs. Melway, try to relax.
We're supposed to be on a date.
Yeah, well, look. I'm sorry. Here.
Here, you take these ride tickets.
I don't want those ride tickets.
But, just go for a ride on the...
I'm not going for a ride. Then get yourself a hotdog
and go for a ride on the Ferris Wheel.
Yeah, right. I'll be right back. I swear.
Some date you turned out to be.
Oh my god!
Ow! Oh!
Miss Torrence, what are you doing up here?
I was just coming to look for you.
You're the King of the May.
How'd you get in?Through the front door. The dog's in the back.
How long ago? About 10 minutes.
Then he must have just chained the door.
Got an itch, Jane?
Oh, whoa, Chet! Oh, God. Thank God it's you!
I thought it was the cop coming back in.
Oh, give me a second.
Now you can help me pack
and we can get outta here together.No, no, no.
No, I don't want to help you pack, Jane.
Chet, there is no reason for this.
I am not going to say anything.
Caca, Jane. I just heard you say everything.
Miss Torrence, there's something I've got to tell you.
No, Nick. There's something I have to tell you.
God, this is so hard for me to say.
Nick!
Stay there!
Dunbar!
Open the door!
You son-of-a-bitch!
Get away!
Get away! Let go!
Mrs. Melway?
Argh!
Ah-ha!
Lookie here.
And extra bullets.
So you killed Bradwood.
I killed everybody, Nick.
But why Feck?
He found my letters at Bradwood's house.
So?
So what if those letters got in the wrong hands?
How am I gonna look then?
Well how do you think you look now?
Well, just tell me one thing. Yeah.
What the hell is "Easy grader?"
You got me, Nick.
But, hey, I did give you a B-plus on your table leg. Good work, son.
Later days, Nick.
About time you showed up, bunghole.
Oh, for Christ sake, Kyle.
This is really not a good time. It never is.
Kyle, listen. I'm a cop.
What? You?
Shh.
Kyle, please be quiet.
Will you shut up?
Oh! I'm sorry.
Aren't you Nick's father?
Yeah. That figures.
Where is he? I don't know.
Someone screamed and he ran off that way.
What is going on here?
Oh, Nick?
We cannot go without major trouble!
Shh! Shh!
Are you the Superintendent?
Oh! No. No, I'm a police officer.
Freeze.
Nick!
I can hear you breathing, Nick.
Though not for long.
Now stop this right now!
Listen, everybody, we found the King, here he is,
Nick Springsteen!
He has a gun!
What a first week this guy's had. Argh!
Get down!
Stay down.
No. Oh, no. No, come on, kids. Here.
Come on. I just wanna shoot Springsteen.
Come on.
Chet! Give me the gun, Chet.
Oh, come on. Dance. Kids, dance. MAN: Chet! Chet!
I'm only going to shoot Springsteen.
Don't worry about it.
Chet, just give me the gun, please.
Just tell me where he is. I shoot him.
And then everything will be okay.
Jerry, you're in my class, okay? Where's Spring...
Tell me where Springsteen is and I'll give you an A. Okay?
Now, come on.
Okay. Come on, kids. Let's dance, dance, dance!
Argh!
You saved me a lot of messy work there, Nick.
But Bradwood buried the letters.
Feck didn't find anything in the house.
So, I was wrong.
Mr. Butler... Yeah?
Chet...
You're...
You're...Fucking nutso?
Exactly.
Huh?
A million and two uses.
Nick!
All right!
How about that, Nicky?
50 yards away and in the dark. Hey, hold it there.
It's all right. We're police officers, fellas.
Everything's okay.
Just take care of things here, will ya?
I'll be back to file a report.
Where you been?
Isn't the word thank you in your vocabulary?
Thank you.
Well, yeah, I pretty much knew the whole time.
I mean, me, I was helping the guy.
Sure you were.
Hey, Carter. How are you doing?
Good, Nick. How are you doing?
See, me and him, we're just like this.
I mean, when he went to the bathroom,
I went to the bathroom.
Dawn-Marie, I'm really sorry.
I'm going to have to arrest your step-father.
Just exactly how old are you?
Uh-huh.
Would somebody please tell me what the hell's going on?
Gee, it's your case, Dave.
What are you looking at me for?
Get in here.
Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable
on a stretcher, Mrs. Melway?
Miss Torrence, I need a lawyer, not a stretcher.
Mrs. Melway. This way, Mrs. Melway.
You saved my life.
That's right, son. You bet your bottom I did.
Thank you.
Thank you? That's all I get is thank you?
I saved his life and I get thank you?
Dunbar, how about a little something with the DA?
I'll see what I can do. Oh, thank you.
You promise? ED: Come on, Mrs. Melway.
Right over here. The ambulance is over here.
So you're a cop?
Surprise, surprise.
And I just thought you were well-read.
Yeah, well, now that it is all out in the open,
how about you and I going out to dinner some night?
Dinner?
Yeah. Tomorrow night.
My place.
We could drink a little wine.
Mix a few metaphors.
Play with my handcuffs.
I don't think so Nick.
I mean, how's it gonna look?
Me going out with a former student?
I mean, people are gonna start to talk.
We might even forget ourselves.
The next thing you know we kiss
and the whole thing gets ugly.
I'm just asking you out to dinner, Ms. Torrence.
Let's not kid ourselves, Nick. Hmm?
Tell me something, Matt.
Have you ever been King of the May?
No. Why?
Just wondering.You?
Oh, yeah.
Another week
and I'd have been Student Body President.
Right.
So what do you say we go downtown for a while?
Power a few brews.
Scope some Bettys.
I don't know, Nick. I've got a lot of studying to do tonight.
You? Yeah.
Actually I can't wait to get back to school.