- Pull up your overalls, piggie wiggies!
It's Hambo time!
Where's Hambo?!
- I said it's Hambo time!
Where's Hambo?!
- I think Hambo must be stuck in the mud.
Somebody go get that stupid pig.
- Hambo, what are you doing?!
- Pulling my pork, what's it look like I'm doing?
Now get outta here so I can finish up.
- Well you know the show has started!
Those wonderful children are out there
waiting on their hero.
- Then I guess I'd better wash my hands first.
- Hambo, have you been drinking?
Alcohol?!
- Jet fuel's more like it, but yeah,
I've had a little bit of sauce today.
- Mr. Hambo, the powers that be have
warned you several times.
- Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm fine.
Can't do the show without ol' Hambo
and last time I looked, that was me.
See?
- Okay Lord, I don't usually raise my voice,
so please forgive me.
Hambo, get your pointy tail out there
on that stage right now!
Those sweet children need you.
Now march!
Yeah.
Hey, you little...
That is it, I am so over this!
- Does anybody know what time it is?!
It's Hambo time!
- That's right, piggy wiggies!
Your ol' pal Hambo is here!
Sorry I'm so late!
I had a little trouble with farmer...
"Dick."
If you know what I mean.
- Are you okay, Hambo?
- Hey, don't you worry about me, Peggy Suey,
I'm just swine.
- Jesus Ham, you're drunk again.
- I can still plow your field, honey.
- Say Hambo, why don't we all play a game?
- I've got the perfect one, Peggy Suey!
Pig and a poke.
Wanna start making bacon or what?
- Hey Hambo!
What do you want?!
My wiener!
You little shit, wait until I get my hooves on you!
All right
everyone, take five.
- I think Hambo needs
a little minute to himself.
- You know what Hambo, you take that minute.
In fact you take 'em all!
Because you are fired!
- Fired?!
You can't fire me!
I'm a star!
- You're a...
A butthole!
Hambo's a butthole!
- Give a pig a hand, Peggy Suey?
- Sorry.
- Et tu, Peggy Suey?
Et tu?
Ewww!
- It's over.
- You gotta stop talking like that,
you're starting to scare me.
This is just a minor setback, right?
- No, Donna.
It's over.
I'm done.
I passed.
I passed the exam!
I'm gonna be a doctor!
Not if I kill you first!
Come here.
I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.
Baby, I doubted myself the entire way,
but passing that exam made it
all worth the blood, sweat and tears.
I did it for you.
- No, I will not take any credit for your hard work.
You did this all by yourself.
- No no.
- Your mother would be so proud of you.
- Oh come on!
- What?
- Why ya gonna bring my mama into this
when I'm trying to get all up in you?
- Because your mama worked three jobs
so that you can have the opportunities
that she never had.
That most of us never had
back in the day and still don't.
- Well that's where we have
a difference in opinion.
- Really?
- Look, we all have opportunities in front of us.
But you gotta put down the Xbox, gold teeth
and dreams of restitution to take advantage of 'em.
- Here we go again.
Captain Black to the rescue, huh?
- Oh come on!
Now I'm always gonna have to prove
that I did not become a doctor by
scoring a touchdown or shooting hoops.
I love you.
- Now why don't we let the good doctor
give his first official examination?
Hmm?
- Come here.
- Nuh uh, don't you dare answer that.
- Okay.
Oh yeah.
- What's up, doctor?
What happened to your stethoscope?
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
This could be important.
What the hell?
Devin!
- Hambo!
- Devin, Devin, Devin!
Hey Devin, I need you to get down here.
- Yeah. - I need you down here now.
Now, Devin!
- All right.
- Come down...
- I am sorry!
- You know, you've got all this...
- Oh baby, baby.
- Crawling all over you.
And you wanna go roll around
in the mud with that pig clown?
Sorry ain't gonna cut it!
- He sounds really bad.
He needs me right now.
- What is it between you two?!
I mean that's a kid show.
A stupid one at that.
- I'm his only friend.
- Go figure.
Now how am I supposed to say no?
- Thank you.
Look, you won't regret it.
- Yeah, oh, but hey, you'll
regret it if you don't bring me
back a rhubarb squirty on your way back.
- Okay, one rhubarb squirty coming right up.
- Throw Hambo in the skillet, will ya?
I'll show you.
Try replacing me!
Piss off!
- Hambo?
Are you okay?
- Hey kid, I didn't think you'd come.
I didn't know who else to call.
- Of course I'd come!
I'd go anywhere for you, man.
- You don't wanna go where I'm going, kid.
Soon I'm gonna be joining
old McDonald's farm in the sky.
- Are you dying?!
- Nah, I just got shitcanned.
Today was my last run in the mud.
- Say what?!
You've been on since before I was a kid!
You're the last thing I still hold on to.
I love you, Hambo, we all do.
- That's great, kid, but the reality is
nobody loves me anymore.
Just you and some freak named Spider.
Runs a strip club called the Tough Titty.
What a dump!
Not only are you two my biggest fans,
you're my only fans.
- Don't say that!
You've helped thousands of kids for the better.
You've always been a good example.
- The brass just doesn't seem to
get my upstanding citizenship.
I don't get it either.
- So what happened?
- I don't know.
Life.
I should be happier than a pig on shit.
Now I feel as useless as tits on a boar.
- What are you gonna do now?
- I'm going to dust off my secret weapon.
- Not the Bad Ass Dolls idea again!
Oh no!
- Oh yes!
The Badass Dolls are my ticket
to the big barn!
- Different from what your audience
usually buys, aren't they?
- It's true my audience poop
on all those plush piggies
and dumbass dollies.
This is gonna open a whole
new territory for me.
High end, high class.
Hoighty-toighty collectibles.
Every man, woman and child is
gonna want one of these for their home or office.
They run the gambit of interest as you see.
- Yeah, I see them.
Too many times.
- But not like this.
I'm putting voice chips in each one of these.
I've already got a great bunch of
comedians lined up to do the voices.
I mean for example we've got Joe Cracker.
We got the...
The Crack Whore.
I'll sucky sucky for cracky cracky.
I can guarantee you that's true.
We got...
Let's see, we got the Gook.
Check it out.
Steering wheel because we all
know they drive for shit.
Camera because, come on, really,
you ever see 'em without?
So have no tickey, no washy.
- I don't even think that's
the right kind of Asian to be honest.
And It's racist!
- Yeah, whatever.
Then we got the Butt Pirate of course.
Tough audience.
I had fun with that guy.
And then of course we've got my favorite.
Ooga Booga!
This boy here is gonna make
me a shitload of money.
- A bone in the nose?
Really?!
- They're my license to print money!
I cut down on one bottle of booze a day
and now I can afford to take
these piggies to market.
I found a factory in China
will make them for pennies.
I'm gonna sweep the floor with the competition.
- Is this your life savings?
- Don't worry about ol' Hambo, buddy boy.
I got it covered.
Cheer up, kid, I got one more.
Saving the best for last.
Now this is a prototype,
and I want you to have it.
Come on.
Go ahead, kid, open it up!
Come on, were you this slow
at Christmas time, come on!
Open it open it open it open it!
A big ass Ooga Booga!
Ooga Booga!
Yeah, I know, I know.
It's amazing, isn't it?
It's amazing, it's fucking amazing.
- I'm speechless.
- You can thank me later, kid, don't worry about it.
Like I said, you've always been there for me
and when I'm filthy ass rich
I'll return the favor, you'll see.
You can count on me.
Now go on, I need to pack this shit
and get out of here, look after my children.
Really.
Hambo, but I don't know about this.
Hambo?
- Good kid.
Joe Cracker.
Crackwhore.
Gook.
Butt Pirate.
And you, Ooga Booga.
You're gonna make me filthy ass rich!
- Hey, you guys got squirties?
- In the back.
- It's a celebration.
Yeah.
Hey boss, this thing needs a checkup.
- Okay, bro.
- Bro?!
I'll show you bro.
If this thing electrocutes me, I'm gonna be so pissed!
- It's cool, dude.
- Just calm down, be cool.
- Don't tell me to be cool.
- Excuse me, sir.
Yo, buddy!
Hey dickhead, I'm talking to you!
- Can I help you?
- Why yes you can, you can
help me by emptying this register.
- Serious?
- As serious as your fucking acne.
- Pretty serious then.
That's right, all of it!
That's right, all of it.
I said all of it!
- That is all of it, dude.
- You've gotta be shitting me!
- See man, I told you they're watching us, shit!
- You holding out on me?
- No!
- Wrong answer!
Aw jeez.
- We gotta get out of here.
- Get the tape.
- Got it.
Come on, dipshit!
- Oh no, no!
Oh God!
Hey!
Hey buddy!
Hey!
Hang on, man.
Fuck.
I got you.
I got you, buddy, okay?
Don't die on me.
Do not die on me!
Just hang in there, hang in there, okay?
911, state...
- Give me the police and an ambulance!
This is an emergency!
Hang in there, buddy.
Help is on the way.
You just hang in there for a minute longer.
Just back me up.
- See, what'd I tell you?
Help is here.
Be strong.
I just need you to hang in
for another minute, okay?
Thank God you guys are here.
He needs an ambulance and fast!
- You need to shut up and
keep your hands where I can see 'em.
You animals!
- I called you guys.
- Uh huh, sure you did.
- He's dying, he may already be dead.
- We heard you confession when
we walked in here.
- Confession?
You think I did this?!
- One dead kid, one living black kid.
Easy math.
Don't you move another muscle,
or I won't just put a hole in
your head like you did his.
I'll blow yours back to Africa!
- Africa?
Is he for real?
- Better just do what you're told.
All of this will be sorted out.
- That's right.
Do as your told, boy.
- Now I'm your boy?
- Stand up.
I wanna see your hands too.
Don't get any ideas.
I know you people can run,
but you can't outrun a bullet.
- Is this some kind of sick joke?!
- Nobody laughing here, boy.
- You dirty racist scumbag pig!
- Maybe you oughta calm down, White,
this isn't the way this should be going down.
I think he's innocent.
Let's just take him in and question him.
- Oh you bleeding heart pussy!
You're a part of the problem!
Letting these gang bangers get away
with the benefit of the doubt.
- I don't think he's in a gang, White,
look at him, clean cut.
- I'll have...
- You'll have me what?
- I'll have you fired.
Police brutality, excessive force, racism?
That's just for starters.
- It's your word against mine, boy.
Shit!
No!
- It wasn't a weapon, he didn't fire!
- Then what was that sound?
- The damn machine!
- How was I supposed to know?
And who cares?
- You redneck son of a bitch.
What now?
- You mind your tongue, Benny.
You say one word of this to anybody,
you're going down with me, understand?
- Same as always.
- Is he dead?
- Yeah.
- You sure?
Now he's dead.
And that was your bullet.
Good shot, by the way.
We need an ambulance at
the convenience store at 5th and 83rd.
Let's go outside and wait for 'em.
Stinks in here.
- Stupid bastards.
Just another black kid with a gun.
Case closed.
You two dickheads got anything
to say for yourselves?
- I don't know, Judge, I don't
know what to say about all this.
- A damn thank you would be
a good start, you assholes.
Do you know if that security tape
would have surfaced, do you know
how bad things would have
gotten for you honkeys?
You honkeys would be sitting in a
jail cell next to every coon and spic we sent there.
They'd be happy as shit to see you.
And you know, I don't think that I
could have even gotten you out of this jam.
Even if I could, you'd have one
severely stretched bunghole by the time I did.
Now...
Wherever you hid that tape,
you make sure it stays hidden.
Come to think of it,
you better burn the damn thing.
- Sir, we didn't take the tape.
It was already gone.
- Who asked you?
Just get rid of it!
- What's gonna happen now?
- White, I rely on you to clean my streets,
but you sure do make one hell of a mess.
For now, I want you to be invisble.
You play by the book.
I don't want you to grow a boil
on your butt unless I know about it first,
do you understand?!
- Yes, sir.
- Good.
After thorough investigation,
two police officers were found innocent
today in the shooting death of Devin Campbell.
It was determined the officers
had foiled the robbery, but not before Campbell...
- You had such a bright future ahead of you.
Ahead of us.
I know you're innocent.
Somehow I will bring justice to your name.
Must be losing my mind.
What the hell?
That.
What the fuck is that?
After a thorough investigation,
two police officers were found innocent today
in the shooting death of Devin Campbell.
- Boys, thanks to Officer White
and our benefactor Judge Marks,
we just got off scott free.
Who's Scott?
You think the judge knows we was there, man?
That we did that kid?
He's got eyes in the back of his head, man.
He sees everything, man, big scary eyes everywhere.
- Look, if he knew, we'd know by now.
If you two yappie idiots can keep
your holes shut, we'll keep the heat off our backs.
Besides, if that crooked ass judge
sends Officer Porkoff Hitler and his
doughnut reich after us...
- This media's dead.
- It's so good.
- Where are you, you little freak?
I'm about to straighten your little ass.
Devin?
Is this your idea of a sick joke?
So you trying to tell me that Devin sent you?
What the hell are you?
You're Devin?
Devin...
I had the worst nightmare dream come true.
It wasn't a nightmare.
Did you do this?
You took care of me when I passed out?
So you're not here to kill me.
And you really are Devin?
What happened to you?
They happened to you?
I knew you were innocent.
Did you get caught in a crossfire?
You were murdered?
Wait, wait.
So how did you get in that?
When'd you start smoking that stuff?
I thought it was supposed to clam you down.
Look...
We'll figure out something.
A witch doctor maybe.
I got it.
I get it, you came back because
you have unfinished business.
Somehow I'm gonna prove your innocence.
So where do we start?
I knew this place was going to
when I saw you jungle bunnies moving in here!
Trying to turn a nice place
into a goddamn crack house!
Turning this thing off!
I'm gonna take it with me too!
You probably stole it in the first place!
I don't even see how you can stand
to live in a nice place like this!
Where the hell are you anyway?!
Get out here where I can see you!
Chickenshit!
What the hell?
I knew you dumb monkeys would bring in rats.
- Got any spare change, sexy mama?
- Get yourself something to eat with that.
- Yeah, well I'm on a liquid diet.
- Well well well, what do we have here?
- Boys.
I don't want no trouble.
- You found it!
Are you gonna give it?
- Look, just take whatever's in there, okay?
Just let me go.
- Damn, there ain't no damn money in the purse!
- I wasn't talking about the money.
I was talking about this.
- No, please!
Please?
You begging me, boy?
- Look, look...
I won't say anything, okay?
I won't say anything, just let me go.
- Oh I know you won't say nothing.
'Cause I'm gonna break your teeth.
- She sure is pretty, Skeez.
Hey, Boner here's a real shit for brains,
but he knows a good piece when he sees it.
You're gonna make us a lot of money.
Oh God, no!
- Cry all you want, bitch, ain't nobody
listening to your.
- You know what comes a running?
- Skeez, maybe you oughta
sample the goods.
- Oh I will, brother Zero.
I think Boner here should take the first stab.
- Oh yeah.
- No, no, no!
- Let me at her!
- No!
Help me!
- You wanted to see me, judge?
- Let's get something straight here, White.
It never gives me any pleasure
to see your sorry ass, but we got
business to attend to, so sit down.
- I thought you wanted me to lay low for awhile.
- You thought?
- Yeah.
- I'll do the thinking around here,
you do the doing.
All the heat that you have brought in
on this institution has made me a bit uncomfortable.
Now I wanna thank you for doing
God's work and putting niggers in the hole,
but the way I see it, you owe me big time.
I'm changing your beat a bit.
- What do you want me to do?
- I want you to check in on some
tweakers down at Muddy Gardens.
The way I see it, their numbers are
too low for my liking.
They're gobbling up that meth shit
faster than they can cook it, it's cutting
into my profits and that is not good for business.
- Sir, you know I don't like to
mess with the drug operation.
I don't want any part of it.
- I don't give a Mexican's magic
jumping bean what you like!
You are gonna go down there and eyeball that operation!
- Yes, sir.
- Also, they got hookers down there in that pit.
Real skanks, but they're bringing in money somehow.
But their numbers are too low too.
Something is just not right down there.
- I'll check it out for you.
- You're damn right you will.
Now get.
- You find anything yet?
What?
Officer White seems to be a busy man, doesn't he?
I mean look, if we're to believe what
we read, chrime is way up in our little city.
All ending in a death or an arrest of a minority.
Miraculously, White's been first on the scene
in each one of these cases.
Never questioned and certainly never investigated.
You know what I say?
I say we do a little investigation of our own.
Goddammit!
Can't you read the sign?
I'm smack dab in the middle of one of my shows.
Nobody bugs me in the middle of my shows.
- I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am.
- Well you should be!
- I really truly am, but you see...
Well well, my my my, that is a
pretty nightgown you're sporting there, ma'am.
Pardon me for saying.
- Sears.
- Well I bet it is.
Can't find fashion like that right off the rack.
- Thank you.
- Oh, and that hair?
Mmm mmm mmm!
- Some gals just don't know
how to fix up anymore.
Reveal everything, leave nothing
to the imagination.
- Pardon my saying, but my imagination
is running wild right about now.
Shush you.
Maybe you'd like to step in.
You might catch a chill out here.
- By all means.
It's...
Some place you have here.
- It's cozy.
Say, I know I've seen you somwhere before.
Haven't I seen you somewhere, I know I have.
- I don't know, ma'am.
I do get around a bit.
- I bet you do.
Oh, and please call me Mrs. Allardyce.
- Oh thank you, ma'am, uh, Mrs. Allardyce.
- Oh, Mr. Allardyce has been gone 25 years or more.
- Oh.
Well I'm sorry to hear of his passing.
- Oh he didn't die.
I wish he had.
He went to fix a flat tire in Lot 17
and ran off with a slut.
- Oh.
- What did you say your name was?
- Well I didn't, but the name's White.
- I know who you are.
You're that Officer White on that TV show!
- Beauty and brains too.
- I knew I'd get it, I always do!
I do love a man in uniform.
You know, on your show, you're so calmly.
- Oh, well thank you.
That means a lot coming from such a...
Specimen like yourself.
- Oh ho, I can't believe it!
Oh, a real television star right here in my own home!
Oh my goodness, what would people say?
I'm hobnobbing now with a Hollywood jetset!
- Oh well I'm really not a TV star, Mrs. Allardye,
I just happen to get on the local news sometimes.
- Oh don't be silly!
You're on the TV!
I don't get out much, but what's the point?
Everything is on the television set.
I love that show of yours.
You always catch the bad guy,
put them in handcuffs.
- Thank you.
- You know, I have some velvet crumbcake in my fridge.
Maybe you'd like to stop awhile?
Have a snack?
- Well not right now, Mrs. Allardyce.
- Paradise peaches?
- No thank you.
- Twinkie?
- You know Mrs. Allardye, I'm just
looking for a friend of mine.
- A friend of yours here?
- Well although you see, the problem is
I don't exactly know where to look for them
and I was hoping maybe you could help me out.
I'm kinda in a hurry.
- I see.
I knew I was out of my league.
- Oh, but you see, when I find out
where this friend lives, then I'll
be coming back quite often.
You'll be seeing a lot more
of me around here.
- Who is this friend of yours?
- Well his name is...
His name is Skeez.
- Skeez?!
- Mmmhm.
- Why the hell are you looking
for a scuzzbag like that?
Him and his criminal creepy friends
are nothing but trouble.
- Can you show me where he lives?
- I see.
You're undercover.
Your secret is safe with me.
I didn't see that episode yet.
They're in Lot 11.
You'll know it because it smells
just like a wet gorilla.
- Thank you.
- I hate to be the party pooper,
but shouldn't that girl be out there working?
Judge ain't gonna like the fact
that she ain't bringing in no money.
- He'll never know.
Besides, you'll work a double
tomorrow, won't you, sweetie?
I don't know, Skeez.
My rash ain't healed up yet.
- I told you, put some butter on it.
- Judge'll know, man.
He knows everything.
I don't know how he knows, but he knows.
He's got eyes in the back of his head.
He see all.
He see the world.
- Dude, just chill out.
He's too self important to come down here.
Just, there's not a problem.
- It's those eyes, man.
- He's got those big ol' honkin' ears too.
- Oh, we goners.
- Just chill.
It's just a customer trying to get a fix.
- Hello, boys.
- Oh man.
I told you.
- Looks like a party's happening here.
My invitation must've been lost in the mail.
- Ain't no party, White.
We were just blowing off a little steam, right boys?
- This party rocks!
- What Boner...
- Go with tweaker.
- What brings you down here, Officer White?
Was our music too loud?
- I'm here on official business.
You know what that means?
- Of course.
I mean no.
Your numbers are down in the dirt.
And looking at you dipshits,
I can see why.
- Look man, you know, things are bad
with the economy and people can't pay rent,
so it just goes to show...
- People always have enough money for drugs.
Always.
Drugs and poon.
Even at the risk of living on the street.
That's why it's good business.
Why isn't it a good business
with you miserable morons?
- I suppose you're gonna tell us?
- That's right.
Business is bad with you
for a couple of reasons.
One, the hooker is in here
partying with the likes of you.
Now how in the hell is she supposed to make money...
When she ain't outside looking to suck for a buck?!
- She's just in here on her luck break, man.
- Are you paying her to suck you?
- No.
- Well then...
There's a breakdown in the wheels of commerce, isn't there?
- Point taken.
- Which leads us to our next issue.
Problem number two, drugs.
- I ain't got no problem with drugs.
- The problem is...
You're supposed to be making them here.
Then you take them out there so you can sell them.
But somehow, they don't seem
to be going out there, do they?
They get all stuck.
Somewhere in here.
And specifically, they end up going right up here!
That creates quite the pickle.
Now I'm gonna ask you again,
are you paying for the drugs you're using?
I take that as a no.
Being that product, be it drugs or poon,
are not making it to the consumer, I'm assuming
you lunkheads are very rich and can
pull all that false revenue out of your asses!
- No sir, we can't.
- Then I consider this to be theft!
You know what I do about thieves, don't you?
- You jack 'em up real good.
I seen it.
- He's the smartest one in the bunch.
- Look man, Officer, we've seen
the error of our ways, right boys?
- Hell yes.
- Huh?
- Look, from this point on
we're on the straight and narrow, okay?
We'll sell hookers and drugs.
No more screwups.
- For some reason, I don't believe you.
- Believe me, believe me...
From this day on we just sell
the sluts and the glass, no more partying.
Scout's honor.
- Well you better be speaking the gospel right now.
Because if there's one more foul up,
the judge is gonna find somebody else
to generate income.
Gotcha.
- And you'll be getting another visit from me.
- You're always welcome to visit, Officer White,
our doors are always open.
- You don't want me to visit, dumbass!
It's not a good thing when I come calling!
- Crystal clear, stay the hell away.
I mean we're cool!
Good.
- So you'll be leaving now, officer?
- Not until I chip away...
At some of your debt.
Come on, sweet thing.
- Can you believe this shit?
- Money Garden Trailer Park.
All right, this is the place.
No, let's just wait here and see what we see.
- I see you over there!
What the hell are you doing
creeping around my lot here?
- Thank God you're home!
- That's right, I'm home.
And I see everything.
Don't you try anything funny
'cause the police are already here.
- No no, my car, it broke down up the road,
I was just hoping to use your phone to call for help.
- I suppose.
But make it quick, I'm right in the middle of my show.
- Yes, yes of course.
- I'm gonna miss my show if you don't.
- Damn cats.
Make it snappy, will ya?
I don't wanna miss my programs.
- Yes, of course.
- Maybe that handsome officer
White will be on tonight again.
- What?
- Haven't I seen you somewhere?
- No, I don't think so, I'm not from around here.
- I never forget a face.
Must've been on the TV.
You ever on TV?
- Don't think so.
- You don't think so?
How in the world can you not
remember if you were on the TV?!
- Guess I'm pretty forgetful.
- Well I'm not.
You make your call, I'll come up with it.
Now you don't look prime time to me.
I'm gonna say gotta be
during the daytime.
- Did you say that the police were here?
- Sure are.
He's a good looking fella, that Officer White.
- Boy what I wouldn't do to meet him.
- You cool it, missy.
He is a very famous person.
He doesn't have time for just everybody.
Only his number one fans like me.
I know where I saw you!
Sometimes it takes me awhile,
but I always get it.
- What's that, ma'am?
- I know where I saw you.
It was on that cop show, the one
where the black kid kills the white kid.
- No, I...
- And then that gorgeous officer White
just plugged him full of holes
and brought him to justice.
- That wasn't exactly how it happened.
- So you were on the TV.
- Well...
- I don't like being lied to, young lady.
TV doesn't lie.
If you keeping company with degenerates
like that, what does that mean about your character?
I want you out of here right now!
- But what about my phone call?
- You can forget that.
I want you gone gone!
- Get your hands off me, you crazy TV junkie!
- Out, out!
No buts!
Don't you ever let me see that
"not ready for prime time" face
of yours ever again around here!
- But, but what...
Ugh!
Now what?
- Stupid girl.
Made me miss my program.
- What the hell?
You poor thing.
You can't see the TV from down there.
Who the hell are you?
I don't remember you.
Come out come out wherever you are!
I got you now, you little sucker!
I saw this on the TV.
Chickenshit!
- Good work.
Which one is it?
Don't you make me come back here!
- That's it, that's the one.
- You guys are no help, you know that?
- I told you man, they're always watching.
- As a matter fact, we just gotta
get our shit straight in case
Officer Piglet comes knocking.
The hell now?!
Oh hey, baby.
Funny seeing you here, come on in.
- Yeah, I...
I was just thinking about the other night.
- I bet you were.
Looking to do some more work for us?
What took you so long?
- Well I did have to heal up.
- It's all part of the test.
- So did I past the test?
- I don't know.
We usually have multiple auditions,
don't we, boys?
- Oh we sure do.
- No.
- Yes we do, Boner.
- I don't remember no auditions.
- Are you stupid?
- So when do we start?
- How about right now?
- Okay, well hold on a second!
I need a minute to prepare myself.
- Come on, lady.
You gotta learn how to do this on the fly.
- Please?
Just a minute to fix myself up?
- As you wish.
That's a weird way of fixing yourself up.
- Yeah, well I'm just mentally preparing.
- Oh.
- This chick is weird, man!
Are you into meth and hooking?
- Yeah man, just take off your clothes!
- Yeah.
- Okay, well this usually works for me, okay,
it usually doesn't take this long to pop up!
- Come on, lady, I gotta nut.
- Okay wait!
- It's spear Chucky!
- What the hell was that thing?!
- Get your hands off of me!
- The hell was that thing?!
- It's my boyfriend, you stupid!
- You really are a freak.
- Goddammit, help!
- Stay away from me, asshole, or I'll cut her.
- Thanks for having my back, babe.
- I can't believe we let that
pig cop get away from us!
It could be forever until our paths cross again!
Ugh!
Fuck, I mean Dev, our life was so good.
I mean it was filled with love and opportunity.
Then it got dumped on by a bunch
of racists and rapists.
What?
What about this guy, I mean
we haven't heard from him in awhile.
Let's see.
Maybe we should pay this little piggy a visit first.
All the way home.
I'll get my purse.
Wait...
Oh shit.
My wallet.
- Jesus H. Fucking Christ.
What in the hell happened to you stupid shits?
I'm telling ya, it's that 's girlfriend.
She's the one who did it!
- You don't say?
- What do we do about her?
- Do I have to do all the heavy lifting around here?
I want you to remove that stain from my world!
- With pleasure.
- Who are you?
- You don't recognize me?
- You're that kid's girlfriend.
- That's right.
- You shouldn't be here, you better go.
- Not until we have a little chat.
- Now look, I don't want any trouble, lady.
You don't want any either.
- Well too bad, you found it.
- What the...
- Now tell me why you did it.
- Did what?!
I didn't do anything, I swear, it was White!
He's the one!
- Good excuse, but you were there too!
- I know I was.
I admit to that, okay?
I was there for all of them.
You gotta believe me, I can't stop him,
I tried, but I can't!
- Not good enough!
- He'd kill me too if I ever squealed.
- Funny you should use that term.
'Cause you're about to squeal
like a stuffed pig in a minute!
- Please.
No, look, I have a wife and family.
Their picture's just there on the table.
- Now let's see who's gonna
be attending your funeral, shall we?
- You see?
- I see now.
- White doesn't know.
You can't tell him, he'll kill them just because.
I would never target you or anybody else.
I'm a horrible cop, but I'm a good man.
- Let's go.
Let's leave him alone.
- Word on the street is he knows who you are.
- Good.
Let him come and get me.
We struck out today.
But we'll get that bastard tomorrow.
- There is no tomorrow for you.
Where'd you go, you little fucker?!
I don't know what in the hell you are,
but you look black to me and that's
all the evidence I need.
Sayonara, fur head!
- Fur head?!
- You nappy little bitch!
You have any idea what's gonna happen to you?
Kill me or not, you're gonna wind up
dead and ain't nobody gonna find your body.
- You hear what the White man say?
We gonna be in trouble.
- Oh you think you've got it
all figured out, don't you?
You and that tar baby.
You think I'm the one behind all this?
I'm just doing my job.
It's Judge Marks, he's the one pulling the strings!
- I figured that out, cracker boy!
But we just doing our job too.
Now you wanna know how my mama
used to kill a pig back
on the farm where she grew up?
Oh, and by the way, they owned the farm.
They weren't hired help.
First, you put a sweet apple in its nasty mouth.
Most people put the apple in last
for decorations, but that's wrong.
You put it in first, that way it flavors the meat.
This last little bit is the trick.
You gotta bleed that pig.
Just right.
So...
Your unfinished business, it's finished, isn't it?
This is the last time I'll ever see you?
I just want to know, Dev, that...
I love you.
- I don't know where White is.
That dumb son of a bitch has
not answered his phone for over a day now.
He better realize what teet he's suckling on.
No no, you just send over that cash
and we'll take care of that legal problem
for you no problem at all.
Matter of fact, I gotta get off the phone
right now 'cause we're sending a
couple of 'em up the river today.
Alrighty then.
Smells like skunk weed.
I'm up to fire that housekeeper.
Leaving a window open like that
is an open invitation to jungle bunnies.
What are you?
Some kind of niglet hatchling?
Huh?
What do you think you're gonna do to me?
- Oh my God!
Devin, things went better than eggs-pected in China.
Badass Dolls in every store.
You've always been a great pal,
and thought this might help with
those Med School bills.
I'll see you when I need a liver transplant.
Oink-oink, Hambo.
Oh my God.
So... you're unfinished business..its finished isn't it?
Yeah
And this is the last time I'll ever see you?
Hmm..Probably
Well I just want you to know Dev that ...I Love You
I know girl... and I love me too
Damn... Damn Girl
You wanna know why they call me a finger puppet?