Well, you sound like a
great crowd.
Um... we got a couple empty seats
out there?
Or are some of you dressed up
like chairs?
You know, I was gonna wear a
costume, since it is so close to
Halloween, but then I thought,
you know what, people already
have a hard enough time
recognizing me, so...
Hey, we got a great show for
you tonight.
Stay where you are.
We'll be right back.
Top story tonight is a tragic
one.
Moments ago, late-night
talk-show host Jack West was
found dead in the living room of
his Hollywood Hills home, the
victim of an apparent murder.
♪ she came, she came to meet
a man ♪
♪ she found an angel
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
was his name, now ♪
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
was his name, now ♪
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
was his name, now ♪
That's right.
Who's not Jack West, huh, you
little bitch?
Who hit the home run?
Yeah, you did.
That's right.
Okay.
It's about 12:08 A.M.
I have the subject in sight.
She's blond, very attractive.
Um... she appears to be having...
Sexual intercourse with a man
who looks a hell of a lot like
Doug Wade, the third baseman
from the L.A. Dogs.
Subject is very limber.
Very, very limber.
$300 million, huh?
Two outs, bottom
of the ninth.
He's working it.
He's got a full count.
Everyone's on their feet.
And here comes the pitch.
It's a long fly ball...
no, it's a home run!
Oh, my god!
Sexual
intercourse.
Boy, that brings back memories.
Wait, wait.
Let me get this straight.
You're 17 years old?
That's correct, and I'm gonna
be 18 in two months.
Chavo, can you believe
he's 17 years old?
You know, Jack, I-I would not
card him.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hate to be the one to
break this to you, but you're an
old man.
Looks like the nursing home
needs to tighten up its
security.
Two years ago, I was
living in a trailer.
I had no job.
I was seriously in debt, and I
weighed 98 pounds.
But look at you now!
That's right, look at
me now.
Now, I live in a
10,000-square-foot mansion in
Beverly Hills.
I have a 1959 Aston Martin, and
I make more money per week than
most people make in their entire
lives.
That is remarkable, J.P.!
It is remarkable, Dana!
But you know, we all possess a
skill to magically transform our
lives into our wildest financial
dreams.
All you have to do is put it to
work!
Hi, I'm Preston.
In two short weeks, I went from
being in the poorhouse to having
more money than I knew what to
do with.
How is this possible, you ask?
All you have to do is follow
J.P. Zahn's simple step-by-step
instructions.
It's that easy!
Order now and
receive this limited-time offer
of just $39.99 for the complete
set of J.P. Zahn's
"remarkable power."
Remember, you're in
charge.
You're in control.
Ma'am, step away from the
body.
Come on.
Let's go. Get out of here.
Okay, folks, just when
you thought you've seen it all,
these guys have been touring all
over the country.
Incredible band.
They're really making a lot of
waves, just signed with
universal records.
Nice hand for mini rockers!
Thanks, fellas.
Thanks for being on the show.
How you doing?
I'm doing great.
Thank you very much.
So, now, how does it feel to be
the shortest rockers in the
country?
It's amazing, Jack.
Who says you got to be tall to
rock 'n' roll?
You guys are doing
quite well, too, right?
Very well, Jack.
Our bodies might be small, but
our bank accounts sure aren't.
Did I read somewhere
that one of you is dating
Paris Hilton?
We all have, Jack.
She just hasn't figured it out
yet.
Well, I want to see
that video.
They're pulling the plug.
Again?
Yeah.
It's for real this time.
Ratings have dropped far too
low.
What makes you think my
audience cares about ratings,
skip?
Well, Jack, unfortunately,
the network does, and so do our
sponsors.
I'd suggest we get some better
guests, but we can't seem to
book anybody since you started
this freak-show thing.
So you're saying that
my audience would rather see
another intellectually
challenged movie star than a
70-year-old kid or some
miniature rockers... is that
what I'm hearing?
Don't forget the
100th-generation prostitute.
The direct descendant
of Mary Magdalene.
Hello, can anyone say
"brilliant"?
You could bring on
Jesus Christ himself, Jack, and
people would still rather watch
Brad Pitt.
What about the hot
seat, then?
Jack, that's just what we're
talking about here.
You can't be dropping your
guests through a trap door just
because you don't like
what they're saying.
Well, I can if they
deserve it, and besides, I've
told you this before, it would
be the audience's call... they
would all have little buttons.
Jack.
Haven't you ever seen
"the gong show"?
Jack, people want to see
stars, okay?
Not the all-grown-up child actor
of some "bonanza" rip-off.
The name of the show
was "sizzler."
"Sizzler," right.
Look, I'm sorry, pal.
But unless some miracle happens,
we are closing up shop after
Friday's show.
In this series, I will
teach you how to discover the
hidden powers of your mind.
Let's start with what I call the
simple steps to success.
Step one... power over people.
Do you have an important job
interview?
Then listen to me very closely.
When you walk into that room,
you are in charge.
You are in control.
Hey, listen, Mr. Vega,
I want to thank you for having
me in, and I want to say that I
firmly...
have a seat, Ross.
Take a load off.
Okay.
Thanks.
Yeah, like I was saying, I
firmly...
take ahold of this.
That knife can cut right through
bone.
I have had that knife eight
years... I have never had to
sharpen it.
How much do you think the
average housewife spends on
knives in a year?
Over $2,000!
Now, do you think the average
housewife and her husband would
appreciate spending a fraction
of that and never having to buy
another set of knives as long as
they live?
You bet your life they would!
You see what I'm saying?
We're not just salesmen.
We are domestic enhancement
specialists.
We're not just selling knives.
We are enhancing people's lives.
Yeah.
So...
Where do you see yourself in a
year?
I'm not a salesman.
I'm a domestic enhancement
specialist.
And I'm not selling knives.
I'm... I'm enhancing your life.
Son of a bitch!
Fucking... damn it.
Piece of shit.
Fucking...
Son of a bitch!
Mom, I told you I was gonna be
in meetings all day.
Your sister wants to know if
you're coming for the baby
shower.
Mom, baby showers are
for chicks.
I'll see her at Christmas.
Her and Dan just bought a
house.
Well, good for them.
That's what happens when you
finish college and get a job.
Ross? Hello?
Hi, I'm Preston.
In two short weeks, I went from
being in the poorhouse to having
more money than I knew what to
do with.
Ross!
Well, uh... Well, things
are about to change, mom.
♪ goo goo barabajagal was his
name, now ♪
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
was his name, now ♪
♪ he very wise in the herbal
lore, has got young cure now ♪
Why are you
following me, man?
Preston, right?
Yeah, do I know you?
I saw you in the
"remarkable power" infomercial.
Jesus.
They still showing that shit?
I watch it every night.
You need to get out
more, bro.
Yeah.
I just moved here a couple
months ago.
Nobody even knows I'm here.
My parents think I'm at some
junior college back east.
They're about to cut me off.
You know, their whole attitude
is just really getting on my
nerves.
What happened to your neck?
What's your name,
man?
Ross.
Ross... a little
piece of friendly advice, Ross.
If you want people to take you
seriously in this town, you got
to ditch the suit.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, right, thanks.
Did you say that
nobody knows you're here?
It's better that way,
believe me.
Do you want to know
the real secret to
"remarkable power"?
Totally.
I'll teach you about
"remarkable power."
Come on up.
Is this where you live?
Legal wants the standard
five-second delay, but
otherwise, we're a go for a live
broadcast Friday.
Excellent.
Anything else?
Your wife's on line one.
City and listing,
please.
Hey.
How did the show go today?
The methuselah kid...
a big hit.
Well, that's great.
Listen, I was wondering what
time you were gonna be home
tonight.
Probably late.
Bill wants to go over some ideas
for Friday's show.
Oh, okay.
Well, I think I'm just gonna
order in then and catch up on
some reading.
Tell bill I said hi.
I will.
And call me when
you're on your way, okay?
I love you.
I'm on my way.
Who's not Jack West, huh, you
little bitch?
Who hit the home run?
You did!
Subject is very
limber.
Very, very limber.
Two outs, bottom
of the ninth.
He's got a full count.
Everyone's on their feet.
And here comes the pitch.
It's a long fly ball...
no, it's a home run!
It's Jack.
You got what you
need?
Yep, I'll get a check
out to you in the morning.
All right, well,
I'm on another job for a few
days, but if you need anything
else, just give me a holler,
okay?
Right.
All right.
Subject and unknown male
companion are conversing
outside...
Drinking what appears to be
beer.
Subject's movements are
consistent with his injury
claim.
The pain seems to be centered in
the neck and back regions.
Okay, subject and unknown male
companion are entering beach
house.
So, just make
yourself comfortable.
I'm gonna take a leak.
Cool, thanks.
Hmm.
Okay, Preston.
You can do this.
Nobody's gonna miss this loser.
It's perfect. It's perfect.
You don't have a choice.
It's him or it's you.
You mind keeping those closed?
Oh, uh, sorry, dude.
Hey, you mind if I roll a
doobie?
Be my guest.
Excellent, cool.
Man, I still can't get over this
setup.
This only took you two weeks to
do?
Like, what's the big secret,
man?
I mean, you bought the tapes,
and then what?
I already told you.
I just followed the simple
step-by-step instructions, and
voilà, look at my life now.
You see, see... that's
what I'm talking about, man.
Everybody's so obsessed with
this whole "getting the job"
thing, like that's what life's
all about.
I mean, yeah, everyone needs
money, except for monks or
whatever, but, I mean, there's
ways of dealing with that
dilemma without wasting away in
a cubicle.
I mean, look at you, dude.
This is a living example of what
I'm talking about, you know what
I'm saying?
I knew that there was something
different about
"remarkable power."
I mean, from the moment that I
saw J.P. Zahn, I was just like,
"that's where I'm coming from.
Why grow the wheat when you can
just chow down on the bread?"
Am I right?
I mean, so, is it like, two
weeks after you bought the
tapes, or after you finished
the...
God damn it, son of
a bitch!
Whoa.
Hey, just shut the
fuck up, man, just shut up.
I mean, don't you fucking
get it?
What?
There is no
"remarkable power," man.
It's bullshit.
What?
What are you talking about, it's
bullshit?
Don't tell me that
you actually bought those tapes.
Yeah, I bought the
tapes.
So what?
I'm an actor, you
moron.
They paid me to say all that
shit.
It's a fucking scam.
Wait.
Could we hold on a second?
What the fuck are you talking
about, man?
You can't actually
believe that ordering a bunch of
tapes is gonna change your life.
I mean, you can't be that
fucking stupid.
Am I right?
Hey, man, don't call
me stupid.
Okay, sorry.
How about a complete sucker?
Is that a little bit more on
target there?
Whoa, I would chill out
with that.
I mean, look at you,
dude.
Just go look in the mirror and
look at yourself.
You're a loser.
Do yourself a favor, okay?
I mean, just keep your mullet.
It's cool.
Go back to whatever redneck town
you come from and stick pigs or
do whatever you do.
But you're not gonna make it
here.
You don't have a chance.
So just go.
I mean, just get out of my
house.
Seriously, just get the fuck out
of my house.
Do you hear what I'm saying to
you, you stupid fuck?!
I said don't call me
that!
Dude?
Hey, dude?
Oh, my god.
Dude, are you okay?
Oh, shit!
Dude, okay, all right, you're
gonna be fine, man.
Oh, shit!
Jesus! Fuck!
Fuck! Shit! Turn it off!
Okay.
Okay, fuck.
Fuck.
Call 911.
911, 911, 911.
911 emergency.
Hello?
This is 911. May I help you?
Hello, this is 911.
Is anybody there?
Hello?
Hey, it's Mike.
I'm not in right now.
I'm out catching some monster
waves.
Leave a message.
This is 911 emergency.
We just received a call from
this number.
Is anybody there?
Hello?
Is everything all right
there, sir?
Yeah, sorry.
I was just... I dialed the wrong
number.
I was going for 411.
Are you sure everything's all
right?
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Sorry about that.
Have a good evening, sir.
You, too.
Gotcha.
Shit!
All right, think.
Get it together.
Think about it.
"A," nobody saw shit.
"B," screw this guy, he's a
fucking actor.
Here's what we're gonna do.
I'm gonna wait till the coast is
clear, and then I'm gonna walk
out that door, and I'm gonna
forget that this whole thing
happened.
Don't you move!
All right, all right,
bad idea.
New plan.
Shit!
Son of a bitch!
Hey, baby.
You are late.
Enjoy it while it
lasts, kids.
Okay, no sign of subject for the
last two hours.
We are ending surveillance for
the evening.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, who's that?
It's a young woman.
Approximately 20, 25 years of
age.
She's getting a ladder.
Probably a crazy ex-girlfriend.
She's in good physical
condition, from behind.
Note to self, start working out
again.
She's very attractive.
Kind of like a young
Audrey Hepburn.
Bingo.
Uh-oh, little
surprise.
Watch out, honey.
Easy. Don't panic.
There you go.
Ooh.
Nice move.
That was close, baby.
That was close.
What is her story?
♪ girl of 16, whole life
ahead of her ♪
♪ slashed her wrists
♪ bored with life
♪ didn't succeed, thank the
lord ♪
♪ for small mercies
all these televangelists with
their big hair and circus makeup
are making a mockery of
religion.
We're losing our sense of
morality, Jack.
How many kids have parents who
are divorced, in jail, addicted
to drugs or alcohol, or engaged
in extramarital affairs?
That's right, Jacko.
God knows about your wife
banging up a storm with the
home-run king.
It might be too late for us.
But I pray it's not too late for
the children.
We got to break the chain.
Yes, indeed.
That cheap whore's getting
drilled like a west Texas oil
well.
Making a damn fool out of you is
what she's doing, brother.
You gonna let her get away with
that?
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Howdy.
Jack, no!
What is he doing?
Oh, right, right.
Now, what about the music
industry?
Step two... power over
circumstance.
Are you in a tough predicament?
No need to worry.
I will teach you how to take
complete control of any
situation, no matter how
difficult.
Congratulations, you are one
step closer to success.
Remember, we all possess the
skills to magically transform
our lives into our greatest
financial dreams.
We just need to put them to
work.
I told you not to call
me stupid.
You should have listened to me,
dude.
And you know what else?
You're wrong about
"remarkable power."
♪ she came, she came to meet
a man ♪
♪ she found an angel
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
was his name, now ♪
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
was his name, now ♪
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
was his name, now ♪
Gloria, it's me.
I'm gonna need you to run some
plates for me.
The name of the new
album is
"Jesus, please kill me."
Yes.
That's a rather
uplifting title.
Well, you know, it depends on
how you look at it, Jack.
Let me ask you something,
son.
Do you believe in hell?
Sure. We're living in it.
L.A. is the capital.
How's it looking?
They're ready to roll.
You sure you want to go through
with this?
No turning back now.
What about Wade?
I'll take care of him, too.
You just make sure she's there.
Oh, she'll be there.
I'll be in touch.
Get out while you can,
friend, and the only way is
through salvation.
Exactly... death.
No sign of subject
in the last 24 hours.
Which reminds me, Gloria,
tomorrow, I need you to run a...
Boo!
Jesus Christ!
Are you trying to get shot?
Oh, relax.
You're obviously a P.I.
Are those some bad guys you're
spying on?
I can't divulge
that kind of information.
Oh, yes, you can.
I'm kind of like a spy myself.
Yeah, I noticed.
Is that how you always work?
Snooping around on people?
No, that was a first,
actually.
The police usually get there
before I do.
As long as they don't kick me
out, typically I usually get
what I need.
What you need?
I have no idea what you're
talking about.
What exactly do you
call what you're doing right
now?
Professional
investigator.
Right.
A licensed
professional investigator.
Whatever.
So, you gonna tell me what they
did?
All right.
Subject filed an accident
report.
It's my job as a professional
private investigator to find out
if he did in fact have that
injury and if it's a $10,000
injury or a $100,000 injury.
Think he pretty much
maxed out that policy, don't
you?
What do you mean?
He's dead.
He's dead?
What kind of
investigator are you?
You saw a dead guy
in that beach house?
Yeah, that's my job.
Can you prove
this?
Jesus Christ.
What is this world coming to?
You make money from this?
Beats waiting tables.
Here's your guy.
What was his name?
His name was
Preston Hurst.
He was an actor.
He was on that late-night
infomercial they play all the
time for "remarkable power."
Yeah, god, I knew he
looked familiar.
Who do you think the other guy
was?
Ross Griffin.
He's got a place over in
Korea town.
Hmm.
Ross Griffin, where are you?
Ross j. Griffin, Milwaukee,
Wisconsin.
That's the one.
Screen name
Brewerboy?
Please.
You want to have some fun?
Sorry I'm late.
No worries.
How was work?
Oh, busy.
This whole week's been crazy.
I hear that.
God, haven't been
here in a while, huh?
Four years, actually.
Has it been that
long?
Mm-hmm.
They're canceling the show.
What? For real?
15 years.
Jack, I am so sorry.
We had a great run.
Can't expect much more than
that.
Yeah.
I mean, no matter how
special something is, at one
point, the big guy upstairs is
gonna pull the plug.
I mean, one minute, you're
enjoying the best years of your
life, and then, just like that,
it's over, kaput.
It's part of your past.
But, you know, we can't expect
something to last forever, can
we?
I mean, you really got to be a
pretty big moron to think
something very special is gonna
last.
Some wine?
Why not?
♪ got to deal with the
devil ♪
Oh! You little bitch!
♪ done a deal with the
devil ♪
♪ from a heart made of steel
♪ rolling down the m-way
♪ took it to the smoke
Oh, shit.
I wish I could see
the look on his face.
Priceless, I'm
sure.
So now what?
Now we just sit back
and let him sweat a bit.
You are one sick
little dog.
Shit!
Who the fuck are you?!
Oh, well.
It was fun while it lasted.
I wonder what he's doing.
Having a nervous
breakdown.
I mean, that was your intention,
right?
Hey. I got an idea.
Why don't we go over there?
We can follow him in the
surveillance mobile, collect
some evidence.
That's... that's
not gonna happen.
See, it's illegal for me to tail
someone that's not my immediate
subject.
You're so boring.
I'm boring?
Come on.
Indulge me. Please?
I have been ind...
I'm not boring, by the way.
Everything's cool.
That was just your mind messing
with you.
We'll just watch some TV.
That's all we're gonna do.
Everything is cool.
A man was found dead earlier
today at 4:30...
you see how easy that was?
Hi, I'm Preston.
Shit!
It is now time for you
to learn the single most
important lesson of my course.
It's the key to overcoming any
crisis, no matter how extreme.
Shit. Shit, no, please.
Please, please, please!
Shit! Come on!
Ross.
Hey, pal. Did you miss me?
I'm in charge. I'm in control.
Come on, what are
you doing?
You're gonna lose him.
I know how to tail
someone.
Unlike you, I'm a professional.
Whatever.
I'm a licensed
private eye.
What's he doing?
He's getting out.
This is getting kind
of weird.
Well, it's about
to get weirder, because he's
walking towards the police
station.
Any of these would go pretty
well with that wig.
That's the Rollie Fingers.
Very popular.
Yeah, all I need is a
curve ball and a wad of chewing
tobacco, right?
Rollie Fingers?
He's a baseball player.
Michael Jackson... ooh-ooh!
Let me guess, biker bar?
We call it the C.H.P.
This actually kind of
looks like one of the
village people.
Was it the cop? Was it...
remember the village people?
Y-m-c-a!
It was a band.
Going to a Halloween party, I
take it?
Not exactly.
Ross Griffin.
I'm detective Mack.
This is detective shaver.
Pay no attention to the
costumes.
It's a little undercover
operation.
We understand you've confessed
to a murder.
Is that correct?
That's right.
And you claim this murder was
accidental?
Yes.
The murder happened
yesterday, and yet you waited
until tonight to report it.
Why wait so long?
I guess I panicked.
You panicked?
Yeah, I panicked.
I mean, I'm not a professional
hit man.
I find it hard to believe
that you could have such a
heated argument with someone you
just met.
What were you arguing about?
"Remarkable power."
"Remarkable power"?
Wait, wait, wait.
The self-help thing on TV?
It's not...
let me get this straight.
You had an argument with someone
you just met about a self-help
program, and then you killed
him.
It was an accident.
He was telling me what a sucker
I was.
I hate to break this to you,
pal, but you've got to be a
sucker if you think that buying
a bunch of tapes is gonna change
your life.
And now someone is dead.
I hope you learned your lesson.
There's no easy way to become
successful, Ross.
It takes hard work.
All right, already!
Jesus, I shouldn't have bought
the tapes.
Are you gonna arrest me for
being an idiot, too?
Officially, you haven't been
arrested for anything.
There's no evidence that a crime
has been committed.
Aside from your word, of
course.
What, you don't believe
me?
You sure you got the right
house?
This is it.
This is exactly where he was.
I swear to god.
Yeah, sure he was, Ross.
Hey, listen, next time you
decide to pay us a visit, let
the drugs wear off first, huh?
Well, either
there's somebody out there
sicker than you, or he wasn't as
dead as you thought he was.
You saw the pictures.
Yeah, I saw
pictures of what looked like a
dead guy, but for all I know, he
got up and walked out
afterwards.
What are you doing?
My job.
Shit!
If you are calling regarding
a vehicle which has been
impounded, please call back
during normal business hours.
Shit!
Preston, it's candy.
Where are you?
Call me, okay?
Hey, pres, it's Mike.
Change of plans, big guy.
My trip got extended through
next week.
Enjoy the place, and don't
forget to feed the dog, okay?
♪ down in Jamaica, they got
lots of pretty women ♪
♪ steal your money, then they
break your heart ♪
♪ lonesome sue, she's in love
with old Sam ♪
Jackpot.
This is Preston's
place?
♪ on and on
Hey, would you
mind staying put?
I'm not even supposed to be
doing this.
Don't worry.
If I find any dead bodies, I'll
let you know.
Oh, and don't drink that
Gatorade.
Why?
'Cause it ain't
Gatorade.
Preston, it's Ivan.
I talk to Vlado.
I think he might be able to help
you with your problem.
Preston, it's candy.
Where did you disappear to?
Call me.
Guess who, porn star.
That's right, it's Moses.
You got till tomorrow night to
produce, or the brothers are
gonna unleash a little fire and
brimstone on your gentile ass.
You hear me?
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"remarkable power."
Hey, it's Mike.
I'm not in right now.
I'm out catching some monster
waves.
Leave a message.
Hi, Ross.
Remember me?
Come on, Ross, do you really
think you're gonna get away with
this?
Somebody's bound to find me
sooner or later.
What do you want?!
Hey, Ross.
Who is this?!
It's your old buddy.
Look, shut up with that
shit.
This is Elvira, isn't it?
Congratulations.
You're smarter than I thought.
So it was you.
I guess I should thank you.
Why did you do it?
Do what?
You know what I'm
talking about.
Where did you take him?
Come again?
Preston!
Where did you dump him?
You know what, I
think Ross still probably moved
the body.
You said you saw him
leave the beach house.
I did, and I
filmed him.
And then I followed him, but...
What?
But I left my
camera running, filming the
beach house.
Don't tell me you
didn't watch it.
Okay, I won't
tell you.
I can't believe it.
You're the worst detective ever.
He looks much better breathing.
He's kind of cute.
Uh, well, that was
the last day I saw him.
Here's the next day.
Wait, stop.
What's that?
Looks like
someone's doing a little spring
cleaning.
Don't they mention
somebody named Vlado on
Preston's machine?
Yeah, Vlado was
gonna help Preston with his
problem, whatever that was.
Well, I'd say unless
it included some seriously
hard-to-remove carpet stains...
I think we found
our body snatchers.
Well, what if I don't
have $350?
If the impounded vehicle is
unclaimed, it will remain in
storage at a rate of $18 per
day.
Hmm.
Can you hang on a second?
Thank you very much.
Pa, I got him! I got him!
♪ beneath the bebop moon
♪ I want to croon with you
♪ beneath the mambo sun
♪ I got to be the one
♪ with you, ooh, with you, ooh
All right, now, just hold
still now.
Got it.
That it?
That's it.
We will take it from here,
honey.
Hey, how you doing?
Hey, uh...
Hey, how you doing?
I'm sorry I'm late.
I was just out getting my
brand-new BMW washed.
Serious machine.
I'm the Ross man.
If I had told you two
weeks ago that today, you'd be
sitting in this beautiful
paradise, surrounded by more
money than you could ever
imagine, would you have
believed me?
Not a chance, J.P.
In fact, I still can't
believe it.
Just two weeks ago, I was living
in a crappy apartment, selling
knives door-to-door.
I mean, can you believe that?
Me, a knife salesman.
But look at you now.
That's right, J.P.
Look at me now.
♪ while this song he sang
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
was my name, now ♪
♪ goo goo, goo goo barabajagal
That's right.
I'm the Ross man.
Hey.
Who are you?
I'm Ross.
Who are you?
I'm candy.
Is Preston here?
Preston?
Yeah, I've been trying to get
ahold of him for, like, two
days.
Uh, no, no, he...
Jerk.
Why do I even bother?
Is Preston your
boyfriend?
If that's what you want to
call it.
Are you a friend of his?
Uh, yeah, I mean...
More a friend of Mark's...
Mike's.
Oh.
So, what are you doing here?
Uh, well, I came by to
feed Mike's dog.
I was just on my way out.
Where's the dog?
Well, you know, he went
out.
Probably run some errands or
something.
You're funny.
Little shopping spree, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, I had a good month.
What do you do?
I'm a D.E S.
Cool.
What's that, again?
Domestic enhancement
specialist.
Wow.
Right on.
So, I was gonna go lay out in
the back.
Maybe thought you'd want to
come, but I guess you got to
run.
No... I mean, you know,
I got some clients and stuff I
got to meet later, but that's
later.
So, you want to go?
Yeah.
Okay.
Hey.
You just wake up?
I'm not a morning
person.
That's a shocker.
They're Russians.
Russians, huh?
Yeah, they got a
legitimate carpet-cleaning
business.
They're even in the
yellow pages.
Huh.
What?
Is that old spice?
Is that bad?
No, I like it.
I just didn't know they still
made it.
Yeah, they do.
♪ if you like piña coladas
♪ and getting caught in the
rain ♪
♪ if you're not into yoga
So, tell me more about
Preston.
What do you want to know?
Well, he works for a
guy named Moses?
Moses is a supplier.
He's a total psycho, though,
especially if you owe him money.
♪ write to me and escape
Why didn't Preston just
pay him?
Because of his accident on
"king dong."
"King dong"?
Son of a bitch!
Preston, you are 15 minutes
late!
Whatever, man.
Just bring me my costume.
What is this?
Costume woman brought the
wrong wig.
So tonight, you'll be soul man.
And this is your
idea of the Hollywood sign?
We make it look real in
computer.
So shut up, climb on top, and
don't forget your fucking line.
Okay, come on, ladies.
King dong's in the house.
Yeah, king fucking
dong.
Come on, team aloha, you're
happy, you're passionate, you're
sexy.
Good. You are angry.
You are the devil.
Yeah, yeah.
That's it, that's it!
Okay, Preston, you are large.
You're gigantic.
You are uncut.
You're king dong!
Proclaim it! Action!
I am the king of
Hollywood!
I am the king of Hollywood!
I am the king of
Hollywood!
Good. One more.
I am king of Hollywood.
I am king of
Hollywood!
That's it! Genius!
Let me see it with titles.
I am the king of
Hollywood!
Perfect.
Cojelon, Preston!
Are you okay?! Preston!
Get up, get up, get up!
The cops!
The cops are coming!
Go, go, go!
You're okay! You're okay!
Everyone is fine!
That was the last time I saw
him.
Oh.
♪ if you have half a brain
Aren't you gonna answer that?
No, it's probably not
for me.
Hey, it's Mike.
I'm not in right now.
I'm out catching some monster
waves.
Leave a message.
Yo, Preston, it's Reggie!
It's Reggie!
What the fuck, man!
Why ain't you answer your cell?!
Reggie?
Candy?
It's candy.
Oh, damn, I'm glad to hear
your voice.
I'm about to lose my mind in
here.
Wait, where are you?
In jail.
There it is.
Yeah.
You sure you want to do this?
You kidding?
I'll be right
here, okay?
Okay.
Be careful.
Hey, Athena!
Athena, here, just in case.
Oh, thanks.
Bingo.
Jack? Skip and bill are here.
Hey, Jack.
Hey, pal.
Listen, I just wanted to stop
in and clear the air, make sure
there's no hard feelings.
Why would I have hard
feelings, skip?
I didn't think you would...
'Cause your egotistical
little brain is so bloated, you
actually think you know more
about the business than someone
that's been in it for over
40 years?
Or maybe because ever since you
got here... what's it been, like
two years now? You've done
nothing but try to kill my show,
a show that was pulling in some
of the biggest shares in network
history when you were waking up
in your own vomit at some frat
party?
Or could it simply be that you
walk around with your nose up so
many people's asses, you have no
idea how bad your own shit
stinks?
Other than that, I think you're
a swell guy, skip.
Candy?
Oh, gosh.
Thanks again, candy.
Thank Ross.
He's the one who paid bail.
Thanks, man.
I'll get you back.
No problem.
So, are you gonna tell us
what happened?
I mean, just look at you.
Oh, man, this is one
fucked-up situation.
Where do I even start?
How about from the beginning?
Shit. All right.
Can y'all do me one more favor?
I need to get some chicken and
waffles in me real bad.
If you know what I mean.
You talk, I'll drive.
Yo.
What up?
Damn, son.
When you gonna ditch the E.R.
Look?
When I can fucking
move.
What we have here?
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's all I got, man.
That's cool. It's cool.
I don't need no artificial high
tonight.
Why's that?
Oh, I don't know.
Could it be because a brother
finally caught a break in this
Lily-white industry?
No shit?
They're remaking "roots," man?
That's great.
That's funny.
I'm just kidding,
man.
You got that schlitz malt liquor
commercial, though?
Keep going.
You're looking at the lead
talent on a national, bitch,
right here.
National?
Get out of here.
Enough cash to last me a
year, and a closet full of boxer
briefs.
That's really
great, man.
I'm... I am proud of you.
Thanks, man.
So what's this favor you have
for me?
It's in that box
down there.
It's a good thing you got that
lock on there.
I know if I was ripping you off,
I'd be like, "whoa, that shit's
got a lock.
Better not go in there."
Take this shit to
Suarez.
Oh, man, I don't got time to
be riding all the way over
there.
Look, it's not like
you're Denzel yet, all right?
So if you could find it in your
heart to do me a favor, that
would be great.
It's just one deal, man.
It's obviously a big one.
I owe Moses 10 grand.
I got to pay him by Thursday.
Otherwise, I'm in deep shit.
I'll give you 100 bucks.
100 bones?
All right, I'll give
you 200 bucks.
Plus your ride.
Jesus, man.
Fine.
Just come right back here, all
right?
Don't stop at the fucking
mini mart, pick up bitches, or
whatever you do.
Bitch, please.
How about that?
Get out of the fucking car!
You want to die, boy?!
Come on!
Come on, get out of the car!
Oh, god!
Fuck you!
Get off me! Get off me!
Yeah, boy, bust him up!
Bust him up!
Get! Get!
What the hell is that?
Just keep your
fucking mouth shut, all right?
I told you.
What did we tell you about
showing up unannounced?
This ain't no am pm.
And who the fuck is that?
Look, I'm sorry,
I've just... I've got a
situation, and I need to talk to
Moses.
This better be good.
What a look of concentration
on that face.
Guy better be swinging.
2-1 pitch on the way.
Wade swings, and there's a long
fly ball deep to left field.
Williams is at the track.
That ball is gone!
Yes!
Yeah, baby, yeah!
Hand it over, son.
Yo, big bro.
We got a visitor.
Look, I'm sorry,
Moses, but we got a big problem
here.
Reggie was carjacked.
Hmm.
And your point is?
The blow was in the
car.
I'm still waiting for the
part that concerns us.
Did you hear it, tiny?
Nope.
Huh?
Me neither.
Yeah. So...
I'm sorry, but I'm
not gonna be able to get your
money on time.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh.
Let's think about that, hmm?
No.
See, I disagree, porn star.
Yenta here has got some big-ass
balls interrupting our evening
with this bullshit, huh?
There's only one way to make
sure it doesn't happen again.
Number three.
Hey, hey, hey, come
on.
No, no, no, Moses!
No, no, no!
Don't you move an inch, boy.
Moses, Jesus Christ,
let go of my fucking legs!
Do you know who Moses was
from the Bible?
Yeah, he was the
ten commandments dude.
Ten commandments dude.
That is correct.
Or as us chosen ones prefer to
call him, the giver of the law.
See, now, Moses brought down
that law from mount Sinai for a
reason.
Tell him why, Damon.
Helps keep shit in order.
And order is a good thing.
Tell him why it's a good thing,
tiny.
Helps shit run efficiently.
And efficiency, it's a very
good thing.
Wouldn't you agree with that,
porn star?
Yeah.
So...
When did you say you were gonna
have my money?
So, Ivan says you are good
workers, yes?
Uh, yes.
We'll do anything.
We just need to get our hands
on...
$10,000, yes, yes, I
understand.
When do you need this money?
Thursday.
Yes, well, that can be done,
but you must work fast.
I would say best is man, between
40 and 50, over 6 feet tall,
white skin.
Yes, we don't need black right
now.
I don't understand.
Ivan did not tell you?
No.
You are to find a body, eh?
A corpse.
Did you say corpse?
Yes, dead body.
But it must be fresh.
No more than two, three days.
If it is rotten, he is no good
for us.
You can do this, no?
Yeah.
Um, so, where do we take the
body?
No, no, no, no.
You give me address, we pick up
body.
We will leave you key for safe
deposit box.
Inside box will be your money.
Right, right, right.
Yes.
We will be Thursday, noon.
You leave key over door.
Yes, thank you.
Goodbye.
Yes.
Two years ago, I was
living in a trailer.
I had no job.
I was seriously in debt, and I
weighed 98 pounds.
But look at you now!
That's right, look at
me now.
Now I live in a
10,000-square-foot mansion in
Beverly...
Damn.
You just check those
trays.
I'll check these.
Yo, check it out.
Nick Nolte finally died.
Whoa. Barbecue.
Did somebody young
die?
Yo, I think we got a winner.
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Belinski.
This won't take long.
Shit!
Just go, go, go, go!
All I'm saying is, a lot of
the best actors got their starts
in commercials.
It's the perfect stepping stone
to features.
To... to features?
Yeah.
It's a fucking
butt-hugger commercial, man.
You call that acting?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Maybe I should just give up and
start doing some cheap-ass skin
flicks.
I knew you were
gonna say that.
Reggie, I hope all your
Hollywood dreams come true.
Thank you.
Let's just fucking
get this over with, please.
Looks dead.
This mariachi got no legs.
Why don't you just try to get
another agent then?
And let some other
Hollywood jerk-off send me off
on worthless auditions?
I don't think so, man.
See, that's your problem
right there.
See, you can't handle the
rejection.
That's a part of the process,
brother.
Every actor's got to...
Will you just worry
about yourself, okay?
Don't worry about me. I'm fine.
Just dig.
Just trying to help.
Yo. We in business.
Yo, Preston!
Where the fuck you go?!
Evening.
You mind telling me what you're
doing down there?
Damn, this shit's good.
Thank you.
So, that was the last time
you saw Preston.
Yep, I figured he'd gone back
to the beach house, but I guess
not.
Nigga must have skipped town or
something.
So how you know Preston?
Ross? Hello?
Sorry.
I don't really know Preston.
I know Matt.
Who the hell is Matt?
I mean Mike, Mike.
Excuse me a second.
Where did you meet this joker
at?
At the beach house.
Did you say that
nobody knows you're here?
I know what you're
thinking.
You should be dead right now.
Preston chickened out and blew
his opportunity for success.
Don't make the same mistake.
Ditch these clowns.
Oh, come on, don't tell me
you're into this broad.
Maybe.
What's the big deal?
Well, how long do you
think this charade is gonna
last, huh?
It's only a matter of time
before she finds out that you
whacked her boyfriend.
It was an accident.
Was it? Really?
Hey, wise up.
She's using you, just like she
used Preston.
Remember, Ross, you are in
charge.
You are in control.
Man, why you use a fork with
the chicken, man?
Use your hand.
Hey, ain't that tiny disco bagel
over there?
Hell, no.
Motherfucker.
Five minutes, Jack.
Thanks, Tim.
Oh, hey, do me a favor, will
you?
Give this to skip right after
the show.
You got it.
Go get 'em, handsome.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, here is
your host, Jack West!
Um, how did you
get into this line of...
Work?
Are you looking for
something more profound?
So, you just like
to look at dead people?
Doesn't everybody?
Um, no.
I don't think so.
Uh-oh. We have movement.
And we are back!
Okay, folks, we... by the way,
chavo, you are looking quite
dapper tonight.
Is that a new suit?
Well, Jack, you'd have to ask
my wife.
And speaking of wives, I think I
see your better half in the
audience, Jack.
Yes, you do.
And of course, I had to talk her
into coming here tonight.
Cynthia, why don't you stand up
so all the folks out in TV land
can see how lucky I am?
Oops.
It looks like somebody's
sleeping on the couch tonight,
Jack.
Sorry, honey.
Enjoy the show, kids.
[ Humming
[ "take me out to the ball game" ]
All right, now, bro.
Let's see the show.
Foul ball.
Bringing on the heat tonight.
Maybe you should choke up.
Maybe you should go to hell.
Shit!
Strike two!
Oh, damn!
Did you see that shit?!
I see your ass getting
fanned.
Let me show you how it's done,
son.
I know it hurt.
I know it hurts.
Strike one, meshuggeneh.
What the fuck?
Whoo!
That shit was high.
Bullshit!
That was a strike!
Yo, dairy queen!
Was that shit high or what?
Looked a little high,
man.
That look high to you?
That would be a ball in my
book.
Bullshit! Chest to knees!
That is the strike zone!
Now, that's a strike.
Here we go.
Who's this guy?
I have no idea.
What the hell is going on here?
What the hell did you do?
Nothing.
It's the same as before.
Well, obviously not, hebro.
This shit ain't closing.
Step aside.
Let me try this shit.
Must be the lock.
There's nothing wrong with
the lock, Schwartz.
It's the fucking Dolly.
Candy?
There's something I got to tell
you.
I should have told you a long
time ago, but I couldn't.
It's hard to tell someone, I
mean, especially someone...
Ross, I think I know what
you're saying.
I seriously doubt that.
Then what are you saying?
I'm afraid that I...
I sort of killed Preston.
What?
Okay, our next guest is
the one you've all been
waiting for.
I know I have been.
After his recent performances in
the world series, he needs no
introduction.
Ladies and gentlemen, a warm
round of applause for hometown
hero Doug Wade!
Doug!
How are you?
Good.
Wow, what an ovation.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
What can I say?
You know, Jack, it's been a
while since big blue's won the
big dance.
Yes, it has been. Yep.
Now, I understand your wife is
here with you tonight?
She is.
Ah.
Along with my daughter,
Tiffany, and my son, Tommy.
Where are you, Lauren?
Oh, there she is.
Hi, baby.
Yeah, wow.
Good season for you, huh?
Yeah.
Now I understand that
you're a free agent, and I hear
you're looking at a payday of
maybe $300 million?
Whew!
Well, you know, that's what
my agent thinks.
I hope you got a
pre-nup.
Excuse me?
I'm kidding.
No, but seriously, when you're
out there on the road, you got
to have a lot of women looking
to get up close with a big
ballplayer like Doug Wade.
Does that ever present a
problem?
No, no, no. Not for me, Jack.
I... I love my wife.
Ah, that's nice to
hear, Doug.
I want to go in
there.
Uh...
You led the league in
home runs.
I did.
I saw you drill one all
the way home.
That felt pretty good, huh?
Felt great, actually, Jack.
Yeah, you know, you have to
understand, there's a lot of
pressure...
Now, what would you say
was the climax of the year for
you?
Well, Jack, I'd have to say
that the climax was that last
home run I hit.
I bet it was.
Yeah.
Folks, let's take a
look at one of the most
memorable moments in baseball
history.
Okay, there you are, you're
holding the wood.
Mm-hmm.
You're about to enter
the box.
Oh, yeah.
What's going through
your mind, Doug Wade?
Well, I'm thinking, Jack,
it's time to drill this baby
home.
I bet you are.
Tony, let's roll the tape.
And so the season comes down
to this.
Two on, two out, bottom of the
ninth, game six of the
world series.
And what a matchup!
Temple is arguably the best
reliever in the game.
His postseason E.R.A.
a remarkable 0.88.
From the stretch, the pitch.
Low and away, ball one.
If the dogs could have anyone at
the plate right now, it would be
Wade.
He posted league-leading numbers
in home runs and RBIs.
Everyone's on their feet.
1-0 pitch on the way.
Wade swings and misses. 1-1.
Doug is already a star in a city
that boasts so many.
The question is, can he rise to
the occasion?
Who are you?
I said, who are you?!
Aah! You little bitch!
The delivery. Low, 2-1.
There has got to be tremendous
pressure on Wade right now.
The series is literally on his
shoulders.
What a look of concentration on
that face.
2-1 pitch on the way.
Wade swings, and there's a long
fly ball.
That ball is gone!
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, oh, Doug!
Man, he got all of that one!
Oh, my god!
You son of a bitch.
Bite me.
Get this whore off me.
Get the whore off me.
Go, go, go, go!
What happened?
There was somebody
there, but I think I have
something... we got to get to my
house first.
Where is he?
He disappeared.
What do you mean, he
disappeared?
Hey, skip, Jack wanted me to
give you this.
Grand slam, Jack.
Out of the park.
Good luck.
Thanks.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'll miss you, too.
Take care.
Don't ever forget the most
important rule in showbiz.
What's that?
It ain't over till the
fat lady sings.
Who's your master?!
You are!
Who's your master?!
You are.
Bark.
Bark!
Bark, you pathetic little
dog... you bark!
You bark when I say bark!
Porn star should win a
golden globe for this shit.
You bark when I say bark!
Disco, unless you're done
feeding me that dead body mafia
bullshit, I suggest you knock
off the whining.
Nothing!
Bark, I said!
So, you say this place here
belongs to your buddy Mike.
I told you, Moses.
Mike is Preston's cousin.
Let's let John boy here talk.
Look, I don't know the
guy that well.
Preston just told me that he was
out of town and I could stay for
the weekend.
Oh, he did, huh?
The fuck?!
Who are you?
Who the fuck are you?
Hey, chill out, Spicoli.
We're all friends of Preston's.
Well, where is he?
Well, your buddy Ross here
said he stopped by a couple days
ago, and porn star wasn't
around.
Who?
You mean you don't know this
cat?
Come on, damn it,
answer.
It's me. Where the hell are you?
I'm almost home. Call me.
Oh, my god.
Top story tonight is a tragic
one.
Moments ago, late-night
talk-show host Jack West was
found dead in the living room of
his Hollywood Hills home, the
victim of an apparent murder.
Paramedics, responding to an
anonymous 911 call, found west
lying on the floor with three
gunshot wounds to the chest.
Time of death is unknown, but is
believed to be shortly after the
controversial live taping of his
talk show earlier this evening.
Now on to more breaking news.
Freeze!
Put your hands up!
What the fuck?
Okay, okay, okay.
Listen, chill.
I'm Doug Wade, all right?
Shocking twist to an already
tragic story as police now have
a suspect in custody for the
murder of talk-show host
Jack West.
The suspect is none other than
L.A. Dogs star Doug Wade.
Mr. Wade!
Wade was arrested in front of
his Beverly Hills mansion, where
police discovered a 9mm revolver
under the driver's seat of his
vehicle.
Aah, shit! Aah!
I knew this cracker didn't know
Mike!
Called you Matt at one point.
Then he shells out for my
chicken and waffles... even paid
cash for my bail!
Bitch-ass didn't even ask for
his money back!
Oh, you got some cash on you,
huh?
Look, I don't know what
you guys are talking about.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shh.
I'd say you got about three
seconds to explain.
Uh, he's dead.
What?
Preston, he's dead.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
I mean, it was an accident.
You bitch-ass motherfucker, I
will kick your pale ass!
Chill out, disco!
Continue.
I met him on the
boardwalk.
We talked.
He invited me up here.
But he started getting on my
case about buying into
"remarkable power."
That self-help program?
Yes.
Everybody knows that shit's a
scam.
I'm aware of that,
thank you.
May I continue?
By all means.
I didn't know what to
do after that, so I just kind of
left him there.
And then I got a call from this
chick, Elvira, who was saying
that she knew what I did.
Even e-mailed me pictures of
him.
Oh.
So, you know, I went
and got the cops and brought
them back here.
Oh, yeah.
But Preston was gone.
And everything was all cleaned
up.
So then I realized that Preston
was actually gonna kill me,
because he needed the dead body.
Of course.
And, well, that's all I
know.
That's about the stupidest
story I've ever heard in my
life.
Well, time's up, cheddar head.
Number one.
Nobody move!
What the fuck?!
Put the guns down, nice and
easy.
Do what he says, now.
Who the fuck are you?!
Remember us?
No!
Not you, him.
Oh.
We did a little check on your
story.
Turns out your pal Preston's
landlady called in a
disturbance.
The place was trashed, and there
was a dirty shovel over in the
corner.
Oh, and there was this.
Guess who, porn star?
That's right, it's Moses.
You got till tomorrow night to
produce, or the brothers are
gonna unleash a little fire and
brimstone on your gentile ass.
You hear me?
Oh, now, see, that was
bullshit, okay?
Cheez whiz here killed Preston.
You can ask him yourself.
You got a big fancy pad up in
the hills, don't you?
A couple pricey cars, a lot of
nice toys?
Tell me, how exactly does a
kosher chicken-and-waffle
restaurant owner afford all that
expensive stuff?
You guys... first off...
like I said, put the guns
down.
Okay, you got it.
No!
I'm standing in front of the
west residence, where
Jack West's wife, Cynthia, has
just been arrested.
It appears Mrs. West may be
charged with conspiracy to
commit murder.
Holy shit.
You're never gonna believe this.
The body of talk-show host
Jack West, found dead earlier
this evening, has mysteriously
disappeared from the L.A. county
morgue, where it was awaiting an
official autopsy.
I'm reporting live from the
L.A. county morgue, where the
body of talk-show host Jack West
was just reported missing.
Mr. West's body was discovered
earlier this evening, the victim
of an apparent homicide.
Mr. West's wife, Cynthia west,
and Los Angeles dogs star
Doug Wade are considered the
primary suspects.
♪ when I die and they lay me
to rest ♪
♪ gonna go to the place that's
the best ♪
♪ when I lay me down to die
♪ going up to the spirit in the
sky ♪
Wade attacked west during a
live broadcast of his talk show
after a home video of Wade and
Cynthia west having sexual
intercourse was revealed to a
national audience.
Stay tuned to ZBS news as this
story continues to unfold.
This is Jack.
So far, so good.
It's a beautiful thing.
We're not out of the woods
yet.
Still got to close the deal.
I hear you.
Just hang tight.
You the man, bill.
The show must go on.
♪ going up to the spirit in
the sky ♪
♪ spirit in the sky
♪ it's where I'm gonna go
when I die ♪
♪ when I die
♪ when I die and they lay me
to rest ♪
♪ I'm gonna go to the place
that's the best ♪
Get your big, fat, tuba ass off
of me!
Oh, shit!
What you cats laughing at?!
Now get this big nigga off me,
man!
Shit!
Come on, candy, hurry up!
Oh, gosh.
You too, man.
It's your fault I'm in this
shit!
Help me up, man.
Just when we thought things
couldn't get any stranger in
this town.
♪ could be wrong
♪ I could be right
♪ could be wrong
♪ I could be right
♪ I could be wrong, I could be
right ♪
♪ I could be black, I could be
white ♪
♪ I could be right, I could be
wrong ♪
♪ I could be black, I could be
white ♪
♪ your time has come, your
second skin ♪
in an absolutely unbelievable
turn of events, the missing body
of murdered talk-show host
Jack West has been found alive.
The details are still unclear,
but it's being reported that he
was found just hours ago,
wandering in the desert, tired,
thirsty, and completely
disoriented.
Some are calling it the miracle
of the century.
Others aren't sure what to make
of it.
One thing is for certain,
though... anything is possible
in the city of angels.
♪ may the road rise with
you ♪
♪ may the road rise with you
♪ could be wrong
♪ I could be right
♪ could be wrong
♪ I could be right
♪ could be wrong
♪ they put a hot wire to my
head ♪
♪ 'cause of the things I did and
said ♪
♪ they made these feelings go
away ♪
♪ a model citizen in every way
♪ your time has come, your
second skin ♪
♪ the cost so high, the gain so
low ♪
♪ may the road rise with you
Everyone told me that
the "remarkable power" program
was a scam, but within 24 hours
of purchasing the tape series, I
went from being flat broke to
scoring $10,000 cash!
And the girl of my dreams.
Now, how is that possible, you
ask?
All you have to do is follow
J.P. Zahn's simple step-by-step
instructions.
It's that easy!
Start living the
life of your dreams today.
♪ slow dive on chemical
hill ♪
♪ slow down, you're making me
real ♪
♪ silver and '79
♪ shifter and planets align
♪ silver shifter, shift it out
♪ glider, glider diving down
♪ I will ride, and you will
find ♪
♪ the moon will glow moonlight
♪ on the silver shifter
♪ seven is never enough
♪ slide her into the stuff
♪ slow gun and colorful flags
♪ shift her into the swag
♪ silver shifter, shift it out
♪ glider, glider touching down
♪ I will go, and you will show
♪ the moon will glow moonlight
♪ on the silver shifter, silver
shifter ♪
♪ softer down for the counts
♪ love comes in every ounce
♪ silver is up on appeal
♪ shifter is making me real
♪ silver shifter, shift it out
♪ glider is tighter, touching
down ♪
♪ I will climb, and you will
find ♪
♪ the moon will shine
moonlight ♪
♪ on the silver shifter, silver
shifter ♪
Never let other
people's doubts interfere with
your path to success!
Sorry, I fucked it up.