- Did you bring it here? - No.
No? Why did you leave it here?
Are you here to file a report on someone wrecking your truck?
I will need to ask you a few questions.
Which dairy product has wings?
Butterflies.
How did you know?
Another one.
Why should you
not trust the stairs?
They are up to something.
You are so good.
Let me tell you a secret.
Jia Jia, the panda from Ocean Park,
actually died recently.
I go undercover to play it sometimes.
Do you see any resemblance? Come here.
Come over here.
Do you know what pandas love to eat?
Tell me.
Chocolate bars or ice cream?
Ice cream.
That's right. Do you have any ice cream for me then?
No? I'll give you an ice cream.
Have some. Go for it with big gulps.
You know what, though?
An An, the other panda, had two babies.
See this?
I meant the actress Yu An-an. Aren't they alike?
PC 3824, stop clowning around.
A CIB case requires guys to play pedestrians.
Get changed and get going.
Yes, ma'am.
- Police, freeze. - Freeze.
- Don't move.
Put your hands behind your head!
Place your firearm back in the holster.
3824 reporting for duty, sir!
I can't communicate with him. You take over.
Ma'am.
Good thing you came late.
You look like a robber in these.
Get moving.
Are you from my hometown?
Get moving, homeboy.
Go or I might just shoot you.
Look at yourself.
You look neither like a cop nor a robber.
Thank goodness these fools dress like this,
so I could arrest them.
I don't want this guy in any more cases.
- Yes, sir! - Yes, sir!
I didn't expect them to idolize me.
Hey, guys. Any more robbers?
Can I arrest someone?
Sir.
Wait up, sir.
I didn't bring my wallet!
Wait up, please.
I paged everyone in for this emergency meeting.
This guy was our mole
in Crazy Sam's crime organization.
Crap acting?
Crazy Sam sure knows great calligraphy.
Really?
Maybe he hired someone else to write this.
It's good. Look.
Stop admiring his handwriting.
Our man was sacrificed.
Any thoughts?
I think Crazy Sam crossed the line here.
It's not our fault
that our undercovers have crap acting skills.
It's very common in Hong Kong.
Our undercovers get paid
only 10 to 20,000 dollars.
Those million-worth actors
are equally bad with acting.
- Don't you guys agree? - Yes.
To be singling the police out,
it would be too unfair.
Drug lords don't play fair anyway.
Exactly.
Crap actors at most lose out on awards nights,
but our men would lose their lives.
Maybe we should make acting lessons
mandatory in the force.
No, people may say
the police force is being pretentious.
It's not good for the public image.
Well...
Maybe let's send a cop into acting school.
Let's look at the outcome, then decide our next step.
Any ideal candidates then?
Come on, anyone?
Hey, you. Whatever your name is.
Yes, ma'am.
Anyone in the Force we can send to acting school?
There is this guy.
He joined the Force for quite a few years now.
He always stars
in those annual party skits.
He is very much into acting.
He is the one then.
Sirs, the hot pot is ready.
It is all settled then.
- Sure is. - Sure.
- Let's eat. - Okay.
- Any lobster balls? - Yes.
- Commissioner. - Bottom of the pot.
Sir, PC 3824 Chan Man-long reporting for duty.
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
You are just in time.
What I am about to tell you is top secret.
Not even when your very life is threatened
should you ever divulge any of this.
Yes, sir!
Two days ago,
at around 36 seconds past 11:24 p.m.,
one of our guys, let's call him Yan.
He spent 187 days
infiltrating drug lord Crazy Sam's gang.
Crazy Sam is a merciless murderer.
Anyone he has doubts on,
he will kill without hesitation.
Yan went to Crazy Sam's church.
He saw Crazy Sam on his knees, praying.
"Forgive me, oh Lord," he said.
Sam's bodyguards closed in on Yan behind him.
Suddenly, Sam turned around.
His eyes glaring
and he stared at Yan.
He asked Yan,
"Are you an undercover cop?"
Yan swiftly denied, "Of course not, Sam."
Sam lifted the candleholder
and bashed Yan over his head.
His head was badly hurt
and he started bleeding profusely.
The wax from the candle
kept spilling on him and solidifying.
Yan begged for his life vehemently.
He said,
"Sam.
Listen to me, please, for the love of God."
Sam pulled out a string of steel wire
embedded in his watch.
He quickly wrapped it
around Yan's neck tightly.
Yan can barely say Sam's name.
And before he could mutter it,
he was gone,
only a hissing sound
escaped from Yan's neck,
exhaling his last breath.
Sam pressed his nose
against Yan's and screamed,
"You need acting chops to be undercover!"
Yan's dead eyes popped out of their sockets.
Blood streamed down from his snapped neck.
Sam used the blood
and wrote
two words,
"Crap acting."
Crap acting
Yan died in the line of duty that way.
Excellent performance!
I'm not done yet.
You've been called upon
to undergo an important mission.
Being on a rooftop,
you probably know what I'm going to ask of you.
Sir, there are people on that rooftop too.
It's Inspector Anthony Wong
talking to his undercover agent.
Someone behind you too, look.
Inspector Danny Lee bought
a watch for his mole's birthday.
Our undercover operations love rooftops.
Inspector Wong is in danger!
He has just been thrown from the roof!
Don't be such a gossip hound.
Crazy Sam was right.
We never took acting seriously.
But sir, I thought your acting was excellent.
Men after their thirties
have to have some acting skills.
But I'm not a constable like you.
My life is worth something.
Going undercover is dangerous.
Also, sir, will you clear my records?
This is not a movie.
These are your undercover files.
The copy stays with me.
The original goes into the vault of the DOJ.
Do you want a copy?
It is useful in case of emergency.
Will I get a watch from you on my birthday?
Yes, here it is, in case I forgot.
It's in the envelope.
On your actual birthday, I'll get you a clock.
Thank you.
Although you're the best actor in the force,
we still need to send you to a performance academy
to polish up
your performance skills.
Yes, sir!
I'm going to be an actor!
Your mom is looking for you.
Sir, there is a snake!
- In your trousers. - You're crazy.
Have you taken your medicine yet?
Good morning, sir.
Freeze! Hands behind your head!
I can't even reveal this to my closest person.
You scared me.
Judy,
an incredible thing happened today.
I had a busy day at the shop.
I had to skip lunch.
I'm a cop now, right?
But I am close to not being one.
But I am actually still one.
I can't tell you the details.
The store manager is leaving next month.
Word is I am up for the job.
You know there's something
that I've always wanted to do.
And I'm this close to realizing that dream.
But I can't tell you.
The truth is, apart from me,
Lisa and Jenny are both jockeying for that job too.
I've always known that I'm the only suitable person.
Please don't keep asking me.
Don't ask about this watch.
I'm sorry. I simply can't tell you.
I am going undercover.
Oh dear, I shouldn't.
Pretend you didn't hear me.
I'm going to be the store manager.
Judy.
Crazy Sam whipped out the wire
he embedded in his watch.
Blood spilled everywhere.
Yan's words echoed,
"I'm not undercover."
Crazy Sam used his blood
and wrote two words, "Crap acting."
Yan died in the line of duty.
Principal, do you understand me now?
I do, but that's not my concern.
How was my acting?
Beginner's class level.
Well, I'm fielding an undercover
to come here to learn.
You'll send in an undercover?
Yes.
We need to have a case,
so it gives an acting rationale.
It's simple. Pretend that I came in here.
I lost this baton
and he's here to find it for me.
This baton seems pretty useless.
No.
It extends and can get pretty long.
It works then.
Good morning.
I'm new here. Where's the drama school?
- Two floors up. - Thank you.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four...
Music school? I'm from drama school.
Where's the drama school?
Thank you.
Newbie.
You don't even belong here. Bye.
So cool.
I want to be an actor!
Life is unpredictable.
Since we were born, we are forced to interact
with different people in this world.
In the course of interaction, we may lose ourselves.
The world is unpredictable.
Is it our lives or the world
that is truly unpredictable?
Speaking of unpredictability,
we have a midterm new student today.
His name is Chan Man-long.
Mr. Chan, would you introduce yourself?
Hi, guys. My name is Chan Man-long.
You can call me Chan Long or Man-long.
Why do I speak Italian?
Because I studied drama in Italy's Academia...
Sorry, I'm late. Sorry.
Are you Mr. Mong?
Yes, I am.
Class.
If Man-long is an example
of life's unpredictability,
I think this lady, Dani Dan,
is our example of the world's unpredictability.
Dani Dan, introduce yourself, please.
How's everyone?
I'm Dani Dan.
Dani with an "I."
I am usually...
34D, 23, 34, maybe?
You have a vivid memory.
You must have seen my movies.
You mean soft-core adult movies?
I think soft-core adult actresses
can be serious actresses too,
just like me.
I want to constantly improve my skills.
- Despite that... - Okay.
I think we know what you mean.
Class, next time you're watching adult...
I mean soft-core adult films,
apart from ogling at the action,
please admire the acting skills as well.
Now that the two new classmates are here,
I'll announce that we have to stage a play
at the end of the semester.
I will select the male and female leads
in the next two weeks.
- Let's all give it our best shot, okay? - Okay.
Dani.
Thank you.
How much is it? I'll pay you.
Take it as a celebration
of our first day at school.
Cheers.
Man-long, did you really come from Italy?
You mean, you don't believe me?
I do believe you.
I really like Italy
but never had a chance to go there.
You seem like you are uneasy.
To be perfectly honest,
I am a fan of your work.
You see,
you're different from other soft-core adult actresses.
What do you mean?
You're special.
Which films of mine have you seen?
Saving Ryan's Privates.
You did really well in that movie.
Also, In Sperms of...
Endearment.
You were so convincing in that one.
You had great erotic acting.
Also in Happy Nude Year Everyone.
It was a holiday movie.
A soft-core adult movie for the holiday?
Well, you know, guys want a happy holiday too.
I guess you're right.
Hi, guys. Ciao!
Hey, Kimi!
Why don't you tell me
more about your Italian adventures?
Italy is an interesting place.
The streets are filled with Italians.
Do you know what Italians do at home?
Eating pasta.
Really?
Of course and they have tongues that...
Chan Man-long? I'm Ken.
Hi, there.
You just returned from Italy, no?
Can you do Italian opera?
I dabbled a little bit in it too.
Italian opera? It happens to be my forte.
Really?
Return to me to languish
You're a soprano.
Cappuccino
In high ocean
Espresso
You're not singing in Italian
It's all made-up, gibberish
Espresso, cappuccino
Cappuccino, yes, I like it
Fat Angelo's
Oh God, you are my friend
- You two are really good. - Incredible.
- Sorry, Felicia. - You did this on purpose.
Of course not.
Stop acting.
You can't control your urges.
Everyone is out of control.
Dani Dan
- I took it first. - It's mine.
You can get one there.
- How much? - It's 180 dollars.
No discounts?
Buy it or put it back.
Hang on.
Keep the change.
What? He robbed me. Why don't you go after him?
Sure, after I get off work.
I heard Mr. Kam is an excellent instructor
in body movement.
- Is he? - Yes.
He looks like he means business.
I like teachers who mean business.
Remember what I keep telling everybody?
We don't merely use our faces for acting.
Your bodies are crucial too.
What do I mean?
You need to achieve total body balance.
Understood?
- Yes. - Yes.
Yes!
Why are you one beat slower
than the rest of the class?
You don't have rhythm.
Do you know what rhythm is?
Rhythm is...
Unlike a piece of log like you.
Remember, we are an ensemble.
We need teamwork.
When we act, before you immerse yourself into your role,
you have to find your neutral mode.
Sir, when do we use our oily
or our dry modes?
It's not about shampoos. I mean neutral.
You just yap all day. Shut up now.
Let's refresh on the sketch we did yesterday.
Everybody, relax.
I said relax, not go into a seizure.
From your head to your eyes,
shoulders, body, and feet.
Just like falling asleep.
I said like, not for real.
And so we begin.
You see the love of your life
walking towards you.
We take it one step at a time.
You had too many steps.
We reach out, trying to hold her.
But she's gone too far
and out of reach.
She's gone.
Quiet.
We use our right hand
to wave goodbye.
Bye.
Please come back. I miss you.
- Come back... - Shut up!
You're overdoing it.
Back to your position.
But I really do miss her, sir.
I don't think I'm overdoing it.
You're not?
You have so overdone it.
There's a time to sing and a time not to.
When is it not a time to sing?
Anyone?
When you have a sore throat.
Nice answer. You are smart.
When else is not suitable for singing?
It has something to do with women.
It's when period comes.
Just like sore throats,
your chords are pumping with blood
and can get hurt easily.
Is anyone having their period today?
No? So keep up with me.
Crouch.
Feel your lower body.
What lower body?
Your own. Stop looking at others'.
My lower what?
You have a small outlet.
It tenses up when you inhale
and relaxes when you exhale.
Tense up, relax, and give out a sound.
Any sound is fine.
You will realize that your voice
is connected to your lower outlet.
Give it a shot.
Stop!
You here.
Are you suffering from constipation?
No, sir. My legs are going numb.
Sir, when do we really go into singing?
You have to learn the basics,
then you can sing anytime.
Keep working on it.
I have a special announcement for you.
A TV crew
is coming to film our class later today.
No need to be nervous.
Just calm down and be careful.
Just think of it as another day in class.
No need for anything special.
Okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
In this lifetime and the next
and the last lifetime before this and forever.
Hello, I'm Charmaine.
I'm really pleased to see you guys here.
- You can ask me anything. - Thank you.
Hello. My name is Charmaine.
I don't really know what to say.
One, two, three, four, five...
Since we have two new students,
let's show them the basics of body language.
Let's begin with separation. Head first.
Head separation. To the right!
To the left!
To the front!
You're not getting it. Look at the others.
Separation means
only one part of your body moves.
Put your hands around here,
close to your ears.
Okay, to the right! To the left!
You're slapping yourself.
To the front!
Not your hands, your head!
To the front! To the left!
You can't tell right from left?
Let's do chest exercises.
To the right! To the left! To the front!
I knew you'd do this.
Freeze your lower body, your head too.
Inhale and chest forward.
Just like this.
To the front! To the back!
To the back!
Have you gone to the back yet?
That's impressive.
Okay. Hip rotation.
Some hip rotation now. Go.
Only your hip rotates,
not your entire body.
Do you understand?
Just rotate your hip like this.
No, rotate your hip.
Look at how well Dani is doing it.
What do you do for a living?
I star in soft-core adult films.
Okay.
Let's go to our next exercise.
- What did you say? - Soft-core adult film.
-A skunk sat on a stump -A skunk sat on a stump
- and thunk the stump stunk. - and thunk the stump stunk.
We have three parts of pronunciation training.
Vocal cords, breathing, and tongue use.
I sense a lot of problems
in the way you talk.
Wrong pronunciation, bad intonation.
Some still haven't warmed up.
Even an Indian guy like me
speaks better Cantonese than all of you.
You should be ashamed.
Don't tell me it's uncorrectable.
Follow me.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
-Peter Piper picked -Peter Piper picked
- a peck of pickled peppers. - a peck of pickled peppers.
- Peter piper pickled peppers... - Peter Piper picked...
Where are you going?
Director, why are you here?
Get in the car.
I am in the car.
Why are you a biting a cork?
Playing a wine bottle?
The teacher said this helps in pronunciation techniques.
What's up?
I'm taking you to a place.
What's going on?
You're acting weird.
Are you okay?
I'm better now.
Do you know what's right ahead of us?
The road?
I graduated from here.
What is it?
Performance Arts Academy.
I used to be a top student.
You probably know my buddy, Alan Mak.
He was crap during our school days.
The director of Infernal Affairs?
He's a big shot now.
But...
I'm wallowing in adult films.
Bosco, don't give up.
I think even in soft-core adult films,
there are serious works of art.
Dani, I'm not giving up.
I just got a film offer today.
This will be extraordinary.
You're the only choice for the lead.
But I am still at school.
Do you hear it? Pay attention.
There's a voice calling out for you,
calling you to sacrifice for the sake of art.
Dani, I know you are attuned to the arts.
You must hear it.
Maybe I can hear it a little bit.
So what's the story about?
The story is about a lonely woman.
Her pipes at home are clogged.
She needs a plumber.
She waited and waited
and then the plumber showed up.
It has so many layers
and lots of emotional scenes.
Dani,
you're the only one
capable of playing this role.
I have a title for it already.
Lord of the Drains.
Dani,
use what you've learned.
Use it all in this new movie.
I know
that you are just like me.
You don't give up on chasing dreams.
Okay.
So why don't you have dinner with the producer tonight?
Put some makeup on.
Listen up.
We're going to do
Romeo and Juliet this year.
Anyone who wants to play the leads
has the next few sessions to assert themselves.
Split into two's, find your match,
and rehearse this scene.
Put your heart into it.
A copy for everyone. You can do it.
Give it your best shot, you guys.
One look at Charmaine,
I know she wants to be your Juliet.
But her acting ability
may affect my performance.
I am the only choice for you.
Juliet, I'll listen to you.
Call me your lover,
then I won't call myself Romeo again.
Who are you?
How can you eavesdrop on me in the middle of the night?
I hate my name a lot.
I won't tell you what it is.
If my name is seen on paper,
I will tear it apart!
How did you come in?
The walls are high. How did you climb in?
If my family sees you,
they will kill you.
Stop.
Man-long.
You said you studied acting in Italy?
That's right.
But I keep thinking of you being in a circus instead.
- You do? - Yes.
I felt Dani Dan and I had a connection right there.
- You thought so? - Yes.
If so,
why don't you switch roles?
You be Romeo and you be Juliet.
Mr. Mong, we shall begin.
If my family sees you,
they will kill you for sure.
What should I do?
It's okay. Look at me with your soft gaze.
I will be bulletproof.
No.
Please don't!
Let's do some face masking practice.
One mere masking of my hand
and I spot a depressed face.
One stroke and I am happy.
Alternate between
happiness and sadness, get it?
Try it.
Happy, sad.
Happy.
Sad.
Happy.
Sad. Happy.
Sad, ecstatic, depressed.
What are you doing?
You're overdoing this again.
Overdoing, not overdoing.
Who taught you this? I want to strangle you!
Do it again if you dare.
Dead, alive.
You're insane. Class is dismissed.
Insane, sane, insane, normal.
What?
Mr. Kam, I practice all the time,
just like you.
Mr. Kam, I know I'm often doing it wrong.
Can you please teach me?
It's simple.
Your acting is too exaggerated.
A good actor must not exaggerate.
What do you mean?
Hide every emotion under the mask.
Remain in your neutral state.
Don't use expressions. Use body language.
Remember to use the mask.
Where are my face masks?
What are you up to?
Hey, I'm asking you...
You...
What?
Enough!
Do you know how much these masks cost me?
You emptied my stock.
You and your Hollywood dreams!
Mr. Mong, you're looking for me?
Yes. I'd like you to be my model.
Do you mind?
I don't mind.
Should I take off my clothes?
As you like.
Relax.
- Man-long. - Yes?
Do you have an object
of sexual desire in our class?
I don't...
Don't be shy. Tell me.
- You have. - I don't.
- Don't be shy. - I don't.
Tell me.
Just tell me, say it.
- Help. - Come on.
It's just you and me here.
You can be honest with me.
- I don't have one. - I'm sure you have.
- Kimi? - Kimi? I cannot.
Felicia?
She's too heavy for my taste.
So you like them hot then?
- Hot. - Hot.
Please don't tell anyone.
I won't. It's Dani, isn't it?
I have seen her naked pictures.
I have too.
What do you think you look like?
I look like a sex maniac.
I agree.
I asked you to come here
not to photograph you for real.
I want to show you
why your acting remains superficial.
Superficial?
Why?
Because you've been running away from your...
dark side.
Dark side?
Dark side.
It's free.
Face it, use it.
Embrace it.
Your acting will improve immeasurably.
If you're horny, admit you're horny.
Be a male lead, be a horny male lead.
Dark side.
It's free.
Thank you, Mr. Mong.
It's free.
Horny.
Is everyone nervous?
I understand.
Today, I'm announcing
who's playing our male and female leads.
During the last few sessions,
I observed that the two of you
not only have outstanding acting skills
but also are remarkably honest with emotions.
So your Romeo is...
- Alex. - Yes.
Our Juliet is...
Felicia.
Let's give them a chance
to express their feelings.
Here we go.
Thank you. I wasn't surprised one bit.
I've always trusted Mr. Mong's views.
I've always believed that there are no coincidences.
We never had a choice.
It's my pleasure to be raped by destiny.
That's going a little too far.
The rest of you, please don't be disheartened.
Play your roles well.
Stanislavsky once said,
"There are no small roles, only small actors."
Man-long, are you all right?
I agree with Stanislavsky's words.
It's unbelievable that he thought of that.
This is great. What great news.
Listen up.
Today is a great day.
To celebrate Alex being cast as the lead,
drinks on me, okay?
- Great! - Drink up!
The losers are over there.
Should we show some humility?
- Let's go. - Let's go have a drink.
I thought we have done quite well.
Let it pass.
Cheers. Congratulations.
Why don't we rehearse a scene here?
Right here?
You want it.
We want to see it. Go for it, Alex.
Let's do the Ball scene.
Go, Alex.
Let me show you something.
What?
"Lord of the Drains"?
It's the script for my new movie.
It'll start production in a few days.
Let's rehearse. You play the plumber.
I play the plumber?
Quiet.
In this scene, the plumber enters. Do it.
"The plumber rings the doorbell."
It must be the plumber.
Let me go get the door.
Are you the legendary Lord of the Drains?
You look more heroic than I imagined.
Let's get to it.
Which pipe of yours is stuck?
Then I'll take you to the toilet
and show you the drain.
Lord of the Drains, that one.
One look and I can tell,
it is a very lonely pipe.
My lips,
two blushing pilgrims, are ready
to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
I see him dealing with the clogged pipe,
I exclaim with excitement.
Thus from my lips,
by yours, my sin is purged.
Put it back in. Okay.
Come on, put it back in and do it again.
I think it needs a little encouragement.
Okay.
Go for it!
It's time for Romeo's kiss.
Go for it!
Go!
Is that necessary?
- Go! - Go!
It was broken.
Go
Are you all right, Alex?
He could hardly control himself.
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself
because it is an enemy to thee.
Had I had it written,
I would tear the word.
My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
of that tongue's utterance, but I know that sound.
Art thou Romeo,
not a Montague?
Neither, fair saint,
if either thee dislike.
How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb.
And the place death, considering who thou art
if any of my kinsmen find thee here.
Dani-Juliette, my Dani Juliette.
Neither, fair saint,
if either thee dislike.
How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high
and hard to climb,
and the place death, considering who thou art
if any of my kinsmen find thee here.
Love has given me a pair of wings.
With love's light wings,
did I o'er-perch these walls.
And what love can do that dares love attempt,
therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.
If they do see thee,
they will murder thee.
Look
thou but sweet.
And I will be proof against their enmity.
I would not for the world that they saw thee here.
I have a night's cloak to hide me from their sight.
And but thou love me,
let them find me here.
By love, who first did prompt me to inquire.
I am no pilot, yet wert though as far.
As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea,
I would adventure for such merchandise.
Tis almost morning,
I would have thee gone.
Great. Good job.
What?
Nothing. You?
Nothing too.
I'm cleaning up our room. Don't come in.
Don't come in.
Okay.
It's time for the Ocean of Emotion show.
I'm your host, Johnny Ocean.
Are you lonesome tonight?
Call in.
Set our emotions
to sail along these radio airwaves.
Our first caller just called in.
Hello, what is your name?
I...
I am Fanny.
Fanny,
what will you share with us?
I've been with my boyfriend for about eight years.
I feel that we've lost that something between us.
The loving feeling?
Yes.
My...
My boyfriend is an impractical idiot.
He used to have a promising job,
but he never gave too much effort.
His biggest problem is he's over 30,
but he still dreams of becoming an actor.
Is your boyfriend
more like Tony Leung or Takeshi Kaneshiro?
He has not had a promotion for ten years,
do you get it?
Then I guess it's pretty pointless then.
I don't know if I should stay with him,
if we can have a future together.
If I leave him now,
am I being selfish?
Anyone who cares about Fanny,
call in with your advice.
Tell her you care
and what you think she should do next.
Fanny,
we have a friend who truly cares for you on the line.
How may I call you?
I am Dani Dan.
Fanny,
I don't think you're being selfish at all.
You should've dumped your boyfriend a long time ago.
I support you wholeheartedly.
What is this guy doing,
wanting to make it big in movies?
He needs to have a grip on reality.
But Johnny, I have my own romance problems...
The time now is
11:12 p.m. and 148 seconds
at the beep.
Johnny Ocean?
Johnny?
Hey.
Go to bed.
It's late.
Scene 3, shot 1, take 1, Lord of the Drains.
Who is it?
It must be the plumber. Let me get the door.
Are you the legendary Lord of the Drains?
You look more heroic than I imagined.
Show me the clogged pipes.
Lord of the Drains, that one.
One look and I can tell,
it is a very lonely pipe.
I see him dealing with the clogged pipe,
I exclaim with excitement.
It's full of garbage. What the heck?
Who dumped them inside?
Cut!
Bosco!
Cut!
What happened?
He swore in front of the camera.
I cannot get into the scene.
He cusses!
Of course he cusses.
He's a real plumber.
Do you know how hard it was to find him and cast him?
It's surrealism meeting reality.
Girl, do you know how hard it is
to shoot a movie nowadays?
It's easier
to find a woman to get nude
than to find a man to take off his pants.
"Every actor works on his personal velocity.
And every velocity comes with the corresponding cadence.
An actor's body is fearless
in facing itself and another actor.
Like flowing water, it rams left and right."
Dani?
Hello?
Man-long, do you have a minute?
Sure. Why?
I...
I really need you right now.
Really?
Scene 3, shot 1, take 2, Lord of the Drains.
Action.
Who is it?
It must be the plumber. Let me get the door.
Miss, you need help with plumbing?
Are you the legendary Lord of the Drains?
You look more heroic than I imagined.
Miss, show me the clogged pipes.
Okay.
Lord of the Drains, that one.
One look and I can tell, it is a very lonely pipe.
What now?
Don't worry.
I live for pipes like these.
Let me get my tools and I'll deal with it.
Watch me.
Miss, your pipe is really clogged.
Has it been a while?
It has been years.
Don't worry. Leave it to me.
I see him dealing with the clogged pipe,
I exclaim with excitement.
Miss, my tools are not hard enough.
I'm switching to another one.
Don't worry. I'm almost done.
I just have to slip it back in.
Help me out.
Just hold it tightly.
Good take!
Move the camera here.
Mr. Plumber, you were great.
I can't believe how well you knew the lines.
- Thank you. - Okay, we go for broke on the next take.
Plumber and the young woman.
You both get naked. I want some eroticism.
Director.
This is hardly making any sense.
Clearing pipes, then going for sex.
It makes perfect sense.
I think we need a little foreplay
to make it more logical.
I agree.
The sex scene
is what the audience spends 50 dollars to see.
Bosco, you said you don't want to lose out
to the Infernal Affairs director.
You should be more demanding
even if it's a soft-core adult movie.
Well, what do you suggest?
I've thought about it already.
I think I need to sing a song first.
Let the plumber relax.
Then we hit the sack,
then it makes more sense, right?
Good idea!
There's a beautiful girl
Growing up in a happy family
Her eyes are glowing
With passion and glory
Affecting everyone's heart
And making them crazy
Oh my lovely lady
My innocent beauty
Come sing with me
Come dance with me
Oh my lovely lady
My innocent beauty
Come sing and dance with me
I need to clean your pipes now
I'm so relaxed.
Cut, good take!
Good take!
The dance is over, right?
Okay, time for sex.
I can only do this much art.
Hurry.
We're behind schedule. Come on.
I want you to go hard
from the get-go, okay?
I have another suggestion.
What is it this time?
Will it work?
What are you doing here?
You can leave.
Go do real plumbing work.
Let me stay for a while.
To the left. To the right.
Undulation.
Separation.
Flying.
I'm so happy.
I have never been this happy.
I really love
going to class with you.
So? Was it good?
It's really good.
But...
I want to see the real Dani Dan.
The real Dani is not that pretty.
Dani.
Why did you take the adult film actress route?
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
Her name was Dani Dan.
She was born into poverty.
She, her dad,
and her siblings lived in the village.
She was the eldest,
so she had to provide for the younger siblings.
She always dreamed
about eating her favorite dishes.
It was hilarious.
There was one time she was dreaming about it again.
She could not stop eating.
Then she woke up
to find out she was biting into her sister's foot.
When she turned 18,
her dad bought her a train ticket and a blanket.
He took her to the train station.
He pointed
at the rails and said,
"Dani,
you need to go along this rail and never look back.
Keep going straight. Don't ever come back."
Dani Dan boarded the train
and started crying nonstop.
She knew that
her dad
did not want her to return anymore,
but just kept moving forward.
So Dani Dan
kept moving forward.
She has to succeed.
End of story.
Your turn.
My turn?
Your turn to perform.
I actually don't know how to perform.
You're a great performer.
I just overact all the time.
Overact a self introduction then.
Okay.
Overact.
First of all, I'm a person.
A person walks, sleeps,
and will eventually die one day.
But I have so many things.
The first thing I have
is a girlfriend
who doesn't really love me anymore.
Secondly,
I have a dream that will never come true.
Thirdly,
I live a life no one ever identifies with.
In other words, I don't have anything.
But I learned a lesson recently.
How to act like I'm happy
and how to act like I'm not.
When I'm happy.
And when I'm unhappy.
When I need to be happy
and when I need to be unhappy.
Man-long.
I feel relieved saying all that.
Me too.
Really?
You're really sick. Do you know that?
Everyone in this city is sick, including me.
Let's have breakfast tomorrow.
Sure.
What should we eat?
You decide.
Who's that? She looks really familiar.
A friend. And that guy beside you?
I'm very unhappy.
I'm okay.
I thought you were happy.
You've been taking acting lessons for a while.
Do you want to put it to a test?
Here's the good news.
The bosses want you to take part in a mission.
Fantastic news.
Call me stupid.
I want to swap a bowl of beef
with a bowl of mushrooms from you.
Ma'am, I'd like to know more
about this mission.
- You play a small-time crook. - Okay.
Go into the Mahjong Parlor.
Someone will leave the third table from the left.
Take his place.
Lose a round, then leave.
- That's it? - That's it.
Hang on, who am I supposed to beat?
What's this case all about? I need to know.
It's not that I don't want to tell you.
That's all I know.
I'm counting on you.
Mic check, one, two...
Lose a round, then leave immediately. That's easy.
Luck is not going my way. I'm done.
We know each other. You don't mind playing with us?
I'm just a small-time crook. What do I care?
Come on.
Since you don't mind, let's play then!
There you go.
Call me Fat Long.
Do you know what you're doing?
Shut up and play!
Manners, please.
We don't mind playing with big fishes.
Big brother Long, right?
We're a family.
Call me Crazy Sam.
Why are you scared? Do you know me?
Not really.
You don't know who Crazy Sam is?
What?
Let's play. I'll leave once we're done.
What is it?
I've been dealt a really bad hand.
Play on, right?
White tile!
This is just a bad hand. One dot.
Hang on.
These all came from you?
Plus this East wind, Sam.
I don't recall.
Long, a fortune teller once told me
that if I win in bets,
my family will be doomed.
My boss told me that too.
If I don't win in mahjong,
I'll get hit by a truck.
And if someone I play with
loses deliberately,
I'll have even worse luck.
Yes, surely, I need to get hit by a truck.
Play on.
Two dots.
Darn it!
- What? - I'm sad.
Let's take a look.
- No need. - Let's see it.
Landslide win, Sam.
That means I lost.
- Great news, Sam. - Pay up.
- Thank you, Man-long.
You really have the look of a winner.
Truly.
You're sweating like a pig.
I sweat when I'm about to lose.
Do you have an allergic itch?
I have skin eczema.
Eczema?
What's the humidity level now?
The weather observatory says it's 93% humidity.
No wonder his eczema is acting up.
No, dryness causes eczema.
Yet you're drenched.
Kong!
Come on, it can't be.
West wind.
I'm missing a card.
All right, I'm folding.
This fell out of your pants.
I wonder what it is.
It's a dehumidifier.
Then this must be a vacuum cleaner.
Freeze, you stupid cop.
You can't leave. I own this place.
Sam, I'm just a small-time crook.
Stop touching that necklace.
As soon as you did that when you sat down,
I knew you weren't one.
Hold this.
To be a small-time crook,
you need four things.
You must have the look.
What's with that hat?
Do you have a concert later?
What's with that bracelet?
Do you want to be Elton John?
Second, you must have grit.
You yap all the time.
I knew you have no moves.
Thirdly, you must have wit.
You tried to convince me
this was a dehumidifier?
That just proves how idiotic you are.
Lastly, you must have the speed.
Give me back the gun.
I gave him the firearm, but he didn't use it to escape.
Today is your last day on Earth.
Time to checkout.
No!
Why do undercover cops
have such crap acting skills?
Why are you here?
My dad owns the Mahjong Parlor.
Why did you rescue me?
We are classmates after all. I can't leave you to die.
I didn't realize you're a...
Don't you say it. You can't.
You owe me a big favor.
The two ground-to-ground cameras
have been allocated into the budget.
Although the bosses approved...
Hey, what's that?
Sir, we raided a brothel
and found pirated adult film disks.
Should we turn it over to the Customs?
Let's see what they have.
Hollywood films, local movies.
All the latest ones.
The new Dani Dan movie.
- Let's take a look. - Good.
But you just took your medicine.
That means my heart is at its strongest now. Hurry.
- Hurry. - Let's watch it, quick.
- Darn. - There's a beautiful girl
Even pirated copies are clear as daylight now.
Dani's acting skills really improved in this one.
Her eyes are glowing
- The plumber guy is really funny. - With passion and glory
- He actually looks somewhat familiar. - Affecting everyone's heart
- Don't you guys agree? - And making them crazy
I seem to remember.
But I can't quite put a finger on it.
Undulation.
Excuse me, the principal asked to see me.
Principal.
Officer Lin, you're here today.
Don't think I like being here.
I asked you to polish your acting skills,
not to be an adult film actor.
Officer Lin, I had concealed my true identity.
Do you really think the police are idiots?
Do you think no one will recognize you
disguised as a stupid plumber romancing some lonely girl?
You're dismissed from this school from now on.
The principal and I are expelling you.
Go back to your desk
and file a detailed report
on how you made the adult film.
Yes, sir!
Principal.
Sorry, this is an order from your supervisor.
I can't help you.
The jealous souls
are never jealous for the cause,
but jealous for they are jealous.
'Tis a monster begot upon itself, born on itself.
Such a great dialogue.
Amazing!
Who is it?
The Phantom?
It's me.
- And who are you? - Chan Man-long.
You were reciting the Bard.
- Who's the Bard? - The Swan of Avon.
- The Swan? - William Shakespeare.
- You know the play? - A little bit.
Are you the new stage manager?
No.
But I love acting.
Do you love acting or being a star?
I'm applicable to both.
O, reason not the need
our basest beggars
are in the poorest thing superfluous.
King Lear.
That night, I had this very explicit dream.
In it, I'm a chief priest
in Homeric Greece,
I'm wearing a wide gold mask.
All noble and bearded
like the so-called Mask of Agamemnon
found at Mycenae.
Peter Shaffer's Equus.
Ah no! Young blade! That was a trifle short!
You might have said at least a hundred things
by varying the tone.
Cadets de Gascogne! Cyrano de Bergerac.
Thou, nature, art my goddess,
to thy law my services are bound.
Thou, nature, art my goddess,
to thy law my services are bound.
Wherefore should I stand in the plague of custom
and permit the curiosity of nations to deprive me.
For that, I am some 12
or 14 moon-shines lag of a brother?
Wherefore should I stand in the plague of custom
and permit the curiosity of nations to deprive me.
For that, I am some 12 or 14 moon-shines lag of a brother?
Why bastard?
Wherefore base?
Bastardy? Base, base?
Who, in the lusty stealth of nature,
takes on more composition and fierce quality than doth,
within a dull, stale, tired bed go to the creation
of a whole tribe of fops, got 'tween asleep and awake?
When my dimensions are as well compact,
my mind as generous and my shape as true,
as honest madam's issue?
Why brand they us with base?
With baseness?
Bastardy? Base, base?
I don't know this part.
Blood!
Blood! The Red Cross?
It's Othello.
Right, Othello!
Are you from the drama school?
Yes.
Finally,
someone who's sane.
- But I just got kicked out. - That's to be expected.
They take in the crazy ones.
The normal ones get expelled.
I have no place to learn drama now.
You can learn drama anywhere.
Let me tell you a secret. All teachers are bad actors.
Where should I be learning then?
Anywhere, anytime, the world is your school.
Marlon Brando?
Laurence Olivier!
That was great.
Sweep these up for me.
- I'll show you something. - Okay.
Done
- Let's go then. - Okay.
That's awesome.
The best drama is not performed on stage.
The best drama is performed in real life.
The world is a stage
and all the men and women are merely players.
Look over there.
A fight is raging on.
You're an idiot.
Idiot? I'm the best gamer there is.
- Go ask your friend. - Gamer?
All my friends say you're immature.
It's embarrassing, do you know?
Cook me up until I mature then.
How do I cook you to maturity?
Light a fire and cook me up.
Stupid swine, all you do is play video games.
All you do is hit me.
- Just go! - That's who I am.
In the world of drama, reality is meaningless.
We're not anthropologists, we're artists.
Do you know your receding hairline is ugly?
It's affecting me.
So what?
So it's hideous.
I'll go get a weave then.
Hey, I'll go get a hair extension then.
You freak.
What's the matter?
You're insane. You hit me all the time.
Go get a haircut!
Crazy woman. She hit me on the head so hard.
Crazy woman. She hit me on the head all the time.
By the lamp post, two working girls
smoking around a trash can.
My mom's kidney is failing
and she's asking for one of mine.
You got two anyway. You can spare one for her.
She was never that kind to me since I was born.
If I cut one up for her,
who will give me one
if mine goes bad one day?
What if my boyfriend gets a bad kidney?
Who's going to save him?
Just let your mom rot to death then.
Shoot, she's my mom after all.
- Let me tell you, stop bothering me. - That one.
That phone accessory vendor.
She's talking to herself.
I am begging you to give me a break.
How many times do I have to tell you?
Please just let me be.
That's funny.
- Is she delirious? - I've told you many times.
She is not delirious.
She's using Bluetooth earphones.
Is that so?
Sorry, how much is this one?
It's ten dollars. Don't pick it up if you won't buy it.
How much?
It's 20 dollars. Don't look if you're not buying.
This is so cute.
- It's 30 dollars. Do you want it? - That's crazy. It's 30 dollars.
Are you still there?
Just let me be.
How hard do I have to beg you?
The difference between a nutcase and an artist
is that the artist is not insane.
Watch this one closely.
It's a masterpiece.
His body language rivals
miming legend Marcel Marceau.
Do you know who that is?
Sophie Marceau's mom?
- Sir, let me feed the meter for you. - Sure.
Now he's becoming an extortion con artist.
Darn, everyone does it themselves.
And now he's a depressed individual.
Sense the drastic shifts in a matter of three minutes?
Which one was real? Which one was just a role?
Whichever felt real to him became a role.
When you create an illusion of reality,
it becomes your reality.
We saw a lot of actors. What's the use?
Nothing. We just observe.
What does that mean?
Nothing.
The more you think about it,
the less meaningful it becomes.
An emperor asked Buddha,
"What favors do I earn for building temples?"
Buddha replied, "You earn no favors."
Watch this. Hypnosis at work.
Remember,
don't use common detergents.
They don't rinse up bubbles.
Bubbles are our friends.
Let me show you.
Just place it right here and it sucks on it.
The string is in there for safety.
The bubbles come out naturally
as we go right to left, left to right
and you have your bubbles just like that.
Hypnotism is hinting
and it basically means,
"Whatever I tell you is the truth."
Now you see me, now you don't.
Now you see me, now you do.
Why do you see me now and not see me then?
Why is it so?
Because this baby is the bomb. How so?
It cleans
your window on its own.
Isn't it magical? It is magical.
Just get one each, miss and ma'am.
How much? It's 30 dollars each.
But we're on a big sale today. Why?
Buy 1 get 1 free for 60 dollars.
It doesn't get cheaper than that.
Don't you agree? Come on, pay up.
Just wipe from side to side.
This cleans it even when you have your windows shut.
Wouldn't we have to open it
to retrieve it?
Let's go shopping in LV.
This is really useful. How much is it again?
- Put it down. Let's go shopping. - Let's buy it.
It was really useful last time.
- It was good. - Don't get conned...
- Sorry. - I'm fine.
Sorry.
What was it?
- Pickpocket. - Pickpocket?
I call it sleight of hand.
The highest form of acting
is to do it and never get caught.
- What? - I lost my wallet.
Your wallet is gone? What else is missing?
Your watch?
Where's the watch? Everything has gone missing.
I told you so many times
to watch your wallet in Hong Kong.
When did you say that?
I say it all the time.
- When we boarded the plane? - I did.
- Back in Changchun? - I did.
- Not in Hong Kong. - I did.
- You don't listen. - I did.
- You never listen to me. - I lost everything, but you're still here.
- Why didn't he steal you away too? - Stop it!
- You're crossing the line! - He should've stolen from you.
You're crazy, you hear me?
You went too far!
My mind is turning to Mandarin.
- Where's your watch? - Where's my watch?
- I lost everything. - I have told you.
Guard your wallet well when you're in Hong Kong.
You never did.
You didn't say that in Changchun.
- Of course I did. You never listen. - Listen to me.
- You hit me? You jerk! - You never listen to me.
Try hitting me again.
Here you go.
Stop it!
You hit me?
He's a wife-beater.
This jerk came to Hong Kong to be a wife-beater.
- I'll hit you too in Changchun. - Go die!
Get a grip of yourself. Are you crazy?
Okay.
Where's my wallet?
I'll get going. Bye.
Bye. Remember, twelve o'clock tomorrow.
Okay, bye.
Judy.
What a coincidence.
He came to pick you up again?
What do you mean again?
I came for three consecutive nights
and you got in his car every time.
I don't want to fool you, okay?
Man-long.
You weren't like this when I first met you.
You were ambitious and progressive.
You tell me jokes all the time, remember?
We were so happy together back then.
Ask yourself though.
Where did all of that go?
We're not young anymore.
You have to know when to let go
once you pass a certain point.
I didn't intend to betray or cheat on you.
I hate this situation now.
I could not stand it. But I am a woman.
The truth is, we've grown so wide apart.
There's no use in wasting time and lying to myself.
Look at yourself.
You're an impractical fool.
It has been ten years since your last promotion. Stop dreaming.
You are crazy.
You think I cheated on you?
It was only a matter of time.
It's a miracle it took me this long.
A woman has a right to decide
for her own future.
Let's just split up.
Let's break up. Do you hear me?
I shouldn't have lied to you.
I don't want to hurt you.
I want the best for you, you know that.
Man-long.
Police. Can I see your ID?
Can I help you, sir?
Don't be nervous, look.
You're Johnny Ocean from Ocean of Emotion.
That's right.
Your radio program
helped a lot of relationships.
- I'm just a talker. - You're modest.
Honestly, though, you solved my relationship problem.
I thank you for that.
- I did? - Yes.
This is a no-parking zone though.
Just park ahead of this area next time, okay?
Roger that.
What did he say to you?
He said not to stop at Love's No Parking Zone.
The number you dialed is not available.
Please call again...
The number you dialed is not available.
- Hello? - Hi.
Is it Ms. Dani Dan?
I am. Who is this?
I'm Alan Mak.
Would you be interested in appearing in a movie of mine?
Hello? Ms. Dan?
Hello?
I'll do it. I'll do any role.
Hi, director.
Do you know why I'm fixed on you?
It's okay to be stuck in a bad movie.
But when a patron pays to see a movie,
if you cheated him of his money,
he will know.
Many actresses feel that stripping
is all that's needed in a skin flick.
They don't respect themselves.
I give it my all every time out.
My new movie, I'm not sure if you mind.
It's different from your past roles.
You need to wear something.
Sure.
It's the female lead.
Let me tell you about the role first.
I'm sorry.
Please go ahead.
It all starts in Shanghai circa 1954.
Do you want to just get that?
I switched it off. No one is going to bother us now.
Okay, this girl was born
in China's Northeastern Region.
Her parents took her to Shanghai when she was three,
then quickly went back to her birthplace.
Remember, in the 60s...
I remember back in the 80s.
Going to Shanghai by train from Guangzhou
took 27 hours and 3 transits.
Do you have any questions?
Do I need to have dinner with the producers?
Dinner with the producers?
Not for our movies. The boss is a busy man.
Pang Bai.
Bounce.
It has been ten years.
Ten years indeed.
Billie, this is my old friend, Bounce.
Hello, Bounce.
He's a godson I got in the Brazilian prison.
He is a tough guy.
Pang Bai is my boss, so we're family.
- So what can I do for you... - Bounce.
Why did I take the fall
for the things we did in Brazil,
ten years in the slammer,
and got you to get away clean?
Because you are a really good guy.
That too.
But mostly because I needed you to bring the cash back.
I suffered great torment in that jail.
It felt worse than death.
What got me through the years?
Billie.
Because you have a dream.
That's right.
I firmly believed that there will come a time
for me to retrieve what I lost ten years ago.
I had ten million US dollars
safely kept by my brother, Bounce.
We have equal shares in that venture.
If there's only one person I can trust in the world,
it has to be Bounce.
I want to rebuild my dream right in this city.
I will call the shots again.
The money.
Is it safe?
Yes, it's very safe.
It's kept in the bank vaults.
Get it tomorrow.
I have a project in planning.
I need some funding.
Tomorrow is Sunday.
We have to wait until Monday.
Monday it is then.
I'm so nervous. I have to pee.
You fool. Are you trying to scare me to death?
Dad.
I don't mind what you've done in the past.
Just return the money to him.
Don't return to your old gang.
That's not the problem, you see.
The problem is
those ten million US dollars are all lost.
That's a big sum. What happened?
What happened in the last decade
that caused me to lose that sum?
Do you have a few thousand dollars to lend me?
I need to buy a gun and rob a bank.
At least I can stage a gunfight if the cops come.
Pang Bai will understand it better.
Is there no other way?
Why did you call me here?
I saved your life once, so you owe me.
I need you to return that favor now.
Wait for me here. I'll get it for you.
Watch out.
Here's our plan.
On Monday morning,
Bounce, Alex's dad,
will bring Billie and Pang Bai to the bank.
He'll ask them to wait outside.
We need to fill the bag up with stuff
and have Bounce walk out confidently
and earnestly hand the bag over to Pang Bai.
Pang Bai, here are five million US dollars.
You can check it.
I trust you completely.
You still have to check it for safety.
This is fine.
Pang Bai, I thought about it thoroughly.
Count me out of your big plans.
I'm not the Bounce from before.
I also promised my son to lead a simple life.
Well, this is it then.
We'll see each other again.
As soon as Bounce leaves,
Felicia will play a plump housewife
who is holding a similar bag.
Our little heist scene will then be in full swing.
My bag got snatched!
Take this!
It's Dani Dan. Snap some shots!
Excuse me.
- He snatched my bag! - Police! Freeze!
It's in their nature
that the second they hear,
"Police, freeze,"
Pang and Billie will run away.
Then they will bump into the various characters
played by our drama school classmates.
With the perfect bait,
the switch plan will be mobilized.
What?
Where's the Jockey Cricket Club?
I have no idea.
- Hey, boy. - Don't touch me.
- Please tell me. - I don't know.
Hands off, dude.
The Cricket Club is that way.
Let's ask the cops walking over here.
Do you want to buy some insurance policies?
- Sir, try our afternoon tea set. - No.
I couldn't stop them.
They're headed towards the hotel.
Charmaine.
- Watch out, move. - Okay.
Be careful, come on.
- What else? - It's good. Get going.
My water broke!
I thought I was evil
and you let the baby die?
- I'm about to give birth. - Let go.
If you don't let go, I'll punch you.
Punch him.
You're not helping out the pregnant lady?
- She's giving birth. - I hate security guards. Die!
Ken, get well soon.
My bag. Billie!
Be careful!
Sorry, I didn't mean to.
Let's get going.
Vivian, your turn.
Sirs, would you kindly buy a flag for charity?
- Do you have change? - Go!
Please, I know you're kind.
I'm sorry.
Honey.
- Honey. - I am not your honey.
Give me back my baby.
Such a filthy beggar!
- Give me back my baby. - Let go.
Deal with her.
I've killed many people,
but I can't stand two things.
Cockroaches and crazy women.
- You're filthy. Just let go. - Honey!
I'm begging you. Please let go.
- Let go! - Give me back my son.
- Please let go. I beg you. - My son.
This is mine.
I don't have your stuff. Stop touching me.
Let's go. The doctor's appointment awaits.
Sorry, I have to go to the doctor's.
Are you okay, Godfather?
- Are they blind? - They really are.
- How's it going, Man-long? - We did it.
Hold this. Dani, check it out.
- We didn't switch it. - What now?
- What to do now? - Why is it so?
- I have an idea. - What?
Let's do it over.
It's too awkward.
I won't have time to redo my makeup.
Why don't we do this?
We know clearly what that bag holds.
We'll go to them
and accuse them of stealing.
Let's call the fat lady.
- Which fat lady? - Felicia.
She's not that fat.
Is this the emergency line? Yes.
My bag got snatched.
Please come help me.
Don't ask my name.
Just know that I got robbed.
I'm at the East Tsim Sha Tsui, Roman Forums, come over...
No.
Not in Rome, in Tsim Sha Tsui East!
I'm in pink. I'm a pretty pink lady.
Come over quick!
Sir, over here.
I know what the robbers were wearing.
I have a photographic memory.
- It's them. - Stop.
- Stop right there! - Stop!
- Face the wall. - Yes, officer?
Officers, it is them. They snatched my bag.
What proof do you have that this was yours?
- Get the bag. - Check it out.
What's in the bag?
Five million US dollars in cash.
What? There's a 100 US dollar bill,
a pair of black stockings, a garter string,
and a white girdle.
Do you know what Girdles are for?
It's for tucking in the fat! It's mine.
There's also a camouflaged teddy bear...
- Okay... - Have you ever joined web auctions?
- Match? - Perfectly.
There should be five million dollars.
You wish.
We're arresting you now
on the count of robbery.
- You two are being arrested. - Sir.
You have the right to remain silent.
- Where's the woman? - She left?
Then we can go now, right?
You're caught red-handed.
We just need the witness.
We'll talk in the precinct. Call the squad car.
PC 6755 is calling out...
Godfather, something is not right.
Our bag got switched?
Impossible.
When Bounce handed you the bag,
there was a white thread at the zipper.
I picked up the bag immediately after it fell.
I didn't let it leave my sight.
You mean...
If there's only one person you can trust,
it will be me.
Police, freeze!
Godfather!
Take the gun and find Bounce.
Leave this to me.
I was hoping we'd just switch the bags out.
Now Pang Bai has been arrested.
I feel bad.
Uncle, we did our best to help.
- Yes. - Yes.
You sure took your time to buy takeout dinners.
I remember you said you have a son.
Too bad you share the same hairstyle.
He...
He's not my son.
- Dad! - Dad!
You guys didn't have to shout at the same time.
Pang Bai, I'll come clean.
I invested the ten million dollars we had.
All on real estate.
Not only did I lose all of it,
but I'm also in a one-million dollar debt now.
It's all gone.
Impossible!
Did you know Hong Kong
had a Chief Executive called Tung Chee-hwa?
You're lying. I've checked.
The Chief now is Donald Tsang
and the real estate business is booming.
This is all my doing.
Leave my son alone. I owe you.
Let him go.
I will repay you with my own life.
Dad!
I'm going to kill you!
The gun is fake. Don't do it!
Alex!
Is anybody hurt?
- Police, freeze. - Drop the gun.
Man-long.
Please be all right.
- Freeze, drop the gun. - Let go.
Man-long, please don't die.
I'm fine.
What? Are you crying?
I was scared you'd...
Let me do this first.
- Officer Lin. - Man-long.
That guy is quite the goon,
attacking an officer and snatching a firearm.
We came as soon as we heard.
Sir, this was found in the suspect's pocket.
Looks like schematics of a bank vault.
"Looks like"?
It already says HSBC on this, stupid.
Next time, read. Don't just look at pictures.
Sorry, sir.
Man-long, congratulations.
This is your ticket to a promotion.
Why are you covering your belly? Are you not well?
I got shot.
I don't want my friends to worry.
You're a good driver.
- Take me to the hospital, okay? - Just get in the car.
- Man-long... - Man-long.
Are you all right, lady?
Just a flesh wound.
Father.
The Hong Kong Film Academy Best Actress trophy goes
to the first-time nominee and former sex bomb, Dani Dan.
Her performance in the movie was impeccable.
Director Alan Mak also won Best Screenplay
and Best Director with the same movie.
Dani expressed surprise at the win
but thanked the director profusely for the opportunity.
Here's a clip of her acceptance speech.
I want to thank my family
and a dear friend of mine.
A friend who is passionate about acting.
A guy who would do his best
even when playing a plumber in an adult film.
Chan Man-long,
I thank you so much.
I will support you forever.
One day, you will also win an award.
This is pretty heavy.
Test out your acceptance speech, won't you?
I...
I finally realized
that one is happiest
not when he executes a role in a movie to perfection.
The hardest role
one can ever play in this world
is himself.
I will promise my good friend, Dani Dan,
that like her,
I will do my very best
to live every day well.
Thank you, my dear classmate, Dani!
Thank you!
Hey, where is Chan Man-long?
Did you page him?
He's on his way.
Reporters are waiting for me.
He's here, ma'am.
Ma'am, good morning!
I'm glad you're here.
Can you comment on my delivery?
"With the arrest
of the drug lord Crazy Sam,
the undercover officer who died in his hands
will now rest in peace."
You may want to get a bit more emotional.
"With the arrest
of the drug lord Crazy Sam,
the undercover officer who died in his hands
will now rest in peace."
That was a bit fake.
This is hard.
Ma'am, try and picture this.
The officers we lost before are now in heaven,
resting atop fluffy clouds,
and their families and loved ones
are looking at you.
Okay, I got it.
"With the arrest
of the drug lord Crazy Sam,
the undercover officer who died in his hands
will now rest in peace."
The delivery lacked momentum.
Practice this for now.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper.
Peter Pickle picked a pepper...
- Peter Piper. - Peter Piper.
- Picked a peck of pickled pepper. - Picked a peck of pickled pepper.
-Peter Piper picked -Peter Piper picked
- a peck of pickled pepper. - a peck of pickled pepper.
Are my glasses good?
They look cute on you.
Thank you.
Officer Chan.
I need to play a small-time crook.
They asked me to come and get your comments.
You look too good to be a small-time goon.
Although I remember someone once told me
that there are four musts
in the role of a small-time crook.
Characterization.
Acting is making bold assumptions
and careful confirmation.
The look of it is very crucial.
If you wear heavy gold chains
to play an underworld goon,
that's making cowardly assumptions
and careless confirmation.
Action.
Acting is not just using words.
You need body movements.
With every action, there is a reaction.
Imagination.
Everything should be within the realms of logic.
Calling a bug mic a dehumidifier
is clearly defying the laws of logic.
Improvisation.
The only thing constant is change.
All things are possible in acting.
In other words, be quick on your feet.
- Understand? - Yes. Thank you, sir.
Fall in.
Are you in a hurry?
- Let's do some basic drills. - Yes, sir.
Okay...
PC 747 is late for reporting. Sorry, sir.
You look familiar.
I won the outstanding performance award
at the annual dinner party last night.
I really love acting.
What is the most important thing in acting?
First, cool down a little.
Let me go and stand aside.
Remember, acting is like everyday life.
You have to find out who you are first.
That means knowing your strengths,
but more importantly, recognizing your weaknesses too.
"Weakness" here means bad habits.
Remember, these bad habits won't go away by themselves.
They don't easily fade away.
So you have to learn
to accept yourself.
Know that you're imperfect,
but cherish every opportunity
you get to perform.
So
cherish every chance you act on stage and in life.
Understand?
Hip, move to your left.
Move, like this.
Move, now to the right.
Like this.
To the front.
To the back, like this.
Rotate.
Rotate to the other side.
Okay, improvise. With your hands.
Move, that's right.
Keep going. Stop.
Now move.
Now stop.
Okay, now we'll do an undulation.
Look at me. This is undulation.
Okay? Undulation, go.
Walk and undulate simultaneously.
That's right.
Stop.
Keep undulating.
Stop. Now go.
Keep undulating.
Just keep undulating.