[DOG BARKING]
What do you think you're smiling at?
L-- I thought you were someone else.
I'm-- I'm-- I'm sorry.
I care not your game is.
L-- I don't have a game.
What do-- what do you want?
And there was me thinking that you wanted something from me.
L-- I-- I misread the situation, I'm-- I'm sorry.
Get down on your knees.
Put your hands behind your back.
Now--
Tell me about the situation you misread.
Um-- I looked at you because I-- I-- I thought I knew you.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
[GASP]
Open your mouth.
What?
I said open your mouth.
[CRYING]
MAN: Hey.
I think you should get the hell out of here.
You don't scare me.
What do you want'?
I want you to do to me what you just did to that guy.
You have three seconds to piss off.
I don't have time for foreplay.
Just get on with it.
One.
Just like that guy.
Two.
Nice and hard.
OK.
[GROAN]
DALE (VOICEOVER): Good morning.
How very rude of me.
I should know better.
Trust me.
First impressions can last a lifetime.
I'm Dale.
I'm 28.
I love movies, candlelit dinners,
socializing, and reading.
Bollocks, do I?
I'm not writing an ad for the lonely hearts here.
Sex, I like sex, lots of it-- sex with strangers,
watching strangers have sex, watching
sex performed in strange ways.
God, notice how the word sex and strange keep appearing.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHILD BABBLING]
WOMAN: Stop it.
I wasn't doing anything.
- How are you doing? -Good.
How are you doing?
Good, good.
So-- what's so important you muppets want to meet?
It's early.
You know I'm a night owl.
Care to join us for lunch, Dale?
No.
Wouldn't mind a bottle of water, though.
Water, please.
So come on, what's the crack?
Well, Raj has something to ask you.
Well, then maybe, Raj should ask me.
Thanks.
I wanted you to be the first to know.
The second.
Actually, guys, I'm no mathematician,
but aren't I the third?
Veena has agreed to be my wife and we are
getting married this summer.
Right.
Well, that's news, isn't it?
Someone had to take him off my hands, I guess.
But-- but I'd love it if you'd be my best man.
Best man?
I'm your only man.
Come here, you fool.
You OK'?
Yeah.
Uh, guys, I'm getting married to.
Ha-ha, of course you are.
So when's the wedding going to be then?
Soon.
DALE (VOICEOVER): Veena's got the personality
of a cream cracker.
Soon, they'll be like every other pram pushing
married couple-- early nights, staying in, watching Britain's
Got Talent and The X Factor.
Oh, the little thrill seekers they are.
She'll get him playing house next,
then it's couples only for dinner.
She's a nice girl, but is nice enough?
I hope so.
Or do I?
Well, would love to chat, but I've got work to do.
Oh, dear.
Everything OK, sir?
Am I expecting company this afternoon?
No, sir, just the two of us.
Oh, you're eating with me?
Who's serving me my meal?
I want exceptional service this afternoon, all right?
OK, sir.
I guess I should be cutting back on my food anyhow.
Sir, for your appetizer, you'll have
salmon and lemon in dill sauce.
For your main, you'll have lamb shank,
rosemary mashed potatoes, honey glazed parsnips
and baby sweet corn, lightly buttered and peppered,
just the way you like it.
Dessert'?
Why, your favorite, creme brulee with crushed raspberry
compote.
Would you like a glass of wine, sir?
Yes, I would, a glass of your best dry white.
OK, sir, I shall be right back.
And wash your hands before you serve me.
I don't know want your filthy germs on my food.
DALE (VOICEOVER): You can now see
why I turned down Veena's kind offer
of joining them for lunch.
Why pay to eat when you can get this kind of service
and get paid?
My fee is 150 an hour plus travel.
So when I visit Pete, I'm always extra
careful not to rush my food.
I endorse fantasies.
I'll take people to places that they
usually only ever go to alone.
This takes skill, patience, and instinct.
You're probably thinking I like the sound of my own voice
and I'm a bit up my own ass.
Well, we're allowed to think.
That's one thing I can't judge you for.
MAN (ON TV): It's men's pieces.
And if you're getting married, guys, your wedding--
your gay weddind-- could be the very, very
best anyone's ever scene.
It's all about the ring.
I've got yellow gold.
I've got white gold.
I've got platinum and sterling silver, something
for everyone's taste and everyone's budget,
at the lowest prices.
You're going to look great, but it's
not going to cost the world.
If you're interested, pick up the phone, dial the number,
come through and join me, and grab yourself
a piece I know you will love.
So Dale, what have you got to lose?
Imagine that feeling you'll have when Raj slides into your ring.
Gorgeous pieces, lowest prices, the most amazing feeling
you will have wearing something that holds you
and your partner together-- -Oh, no.
MAN (ON TV): Forever.
This is your chance to get an exciting--
Not again.
I told you if I have to clean that up,
you're paying me double.
You bad boy.
MAN (ON TV): --can have forever.
I love the design.
You will as well.
If you don't, you can send it back to us.
You've got--
DALE (VOICEOVER): I met Sean a couple
of years ago in Australia.
He was there finishing his art degree.
His work then was political, abstract, and often crude.
He used to paint on canvas.
Now, he just paints on himself.
He's a popular drag artist under the name of Estee of Lauder.
Everyone knows who she is.
So you can imagine, Sean is very beneficial as a friend.
Jesus.
Where do you get this?
Eduardo took a shine to one of my paintings.
Which one?
The one with the man pulling his ass cheeks apart.
I thought you liked that.
I got bored of it.
You gotta know when to move on, Dale.
You'll be moving right into rehab
if you keep bartering your art for drugs.
Well, I could sell my ass.
You've got to have one first, Sean.
Oh.
Well, tonight, I'm going to work my little ass off.
And you, my darling, are going to film it.
I want to preserve my youth.
You never know when your number's up.
I want to leave behind all of my achievements.
You've got your drag show, don't you?
I'm not drag.
I'm art.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
How fabulous everybody looks tonight.
Everybody, come on, a big shout for Estee.
How gorgeous is she?
Oh, and so are you.
I think we should just have one big [INAUDIBLE].
Oh.
[CHEERING]
He had what crawling out of his ass?
Worms.
More like tiny white maggots, really.
You know, I've been waiting to bite into his peach
for three flipping months.
And just as I get my face right up close, I see them.
Lucky I had the lights on.
So where did you end up?
Sauna.
Oh, the sauna.
Oh, Dale, you'll pick up all sons there.
Well, that's the point, Sean.
Anyway, you can hardly talk.
DALE (VOICEOVER): Well, somehow, in Sean's way,
he's hit the nail on the head, at least
in regard to how I feel.
I'm between two places in my life at the moment.
Feeling restless.
One part of me loves where this spontaneity's
taking me, cruising through life with no plans.
The freedom you feel in the situations you encounter
could be amazing.
Then there's the other part of me, approaching 30.
Others at this point have stability, a career,
someone to make plans with and depend upon.
I'm not afraid of relationships, but I won't settle with someone
who doesn't tick all my boxes.
You see it everywhere, men who go from one relationship
to another, people who stay with someone even though they
know it's not right.
Sometimes, spouses cheat on each other, have affairs.
You'd be surprised if you knew how many married men hire me.
Some adamant they're not gay.
They're the ones that give a really good scene too,
just to remind them.
They soon come back.
In fact, they make up half of my regulars.
[GRUNTING]
My new client, Andy, is a voyeur.
But I reckon if you're parting with cash, get involved
and get your money's worth.
Then again, don't mind not sharing with company.
Call him a dirty homo.
You like this, you dirty homo?
Yeah.
Pull his hair and ride him hard.
Harder, I want to see his eyes water.
Now spit on his face and tell him he's a dirty little whore.
You dirty little whore.
Hm. Yeah?
Yeah.
Squeeze his throat.
Go on.
Make the whore suffer.
Fuck.
Oh, fuck.
Look what you've done.
Oh, fuck.
Ricardo, mate?
Oh, fuck.
Ricardo?
Oh, fuck.
Look what you've done.
Oh, man.
Ricardo, mate?
It's me.
Can you hear me?
Ricardo, can you hear me?
Oh, fucking whore.
Oh, fuck.
You were wrong, mate.
I don't like this.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I enjoyed that.
Well, that was easy 500.
Easy for you, maybe.
I put in all the effort.
At least you had something to work with.
So what's going on with work?
Oh, yeah, the fun never stops.
I've saving every penny for drama school.
You'd be a good actor.
That's nice.
Who gave you that'?
Sugar daddy, was it?
No, Dale.
It's a gift from my father.
It's one of a kind, to wish me luck in London.
He has a big dream for me.
Did you take that bottle of vodka
out of the medicine cupboards?
No, ma'am, I never touch your medicine.
Well, I'm sure I never started that bottle.
Is it--
Yeah, the empty bottle's in with the rubbish.
Look, if I find out you drank it,
I'll be taking no more of your special parcels
when you're out.
Do you hear me?
Dale coming around later?
No, I'm meeting him at the pub.
He's a good friend of yours.
He's always welcome here.
What are you after?
Nothing, son.
But if you are going past the off license in the next hour,
you couldn't get me a little bottle of vodka?
Well, can you help me out'?
Course I can.
Which way did you come in'?
Hey, What?
Oh, stop messing with my head.
I'm not messing with your head.
It's the vodka that's messing with your head.
Can't you just have one day off?
Don't make me feel bad.
It heps me take the edge off of how twisted and cruel
the world around me is.
Not this chat again.
All I wanted was a normal life--
children who do childish things like spoil their mother.
But, oh, no, not me.
I get Mrs. Doubtfire.
I should never have bought you that bloody video.
I was clearly paving the way, saying it's normal to play
with clothes the way you do.
Thanks, Christine.
You know, I do nothing but worry about you.
Don't think that everyone's all right with what you do.
It pulls families apart.
It was only the news just now that one of your lot
got murdered up on the Heath.
That's sick.
Yeah, maybe.
Sometimes I understand why they act that way.
Unbelievable.
I only cope because I've got Mr. V down the road.
And for 12.99 a bottle, he makes you much more tolerable.
So don't you dare deny me that--
How did you become such an utter bitch, Christine?
Down to the parenting.
So well done, Priscilla, you can take the credit for that too.
Did you ever stop to think when I was raising
you, who was looking after me?
Don't blame me for your father dying.
He didn't just leave you.
He left both of us.
I blame him for your turning out this way.
Stop bad-mouthing him.
I know you needed a manly figure in your life,
but guess what?
So did I. I was hoping that spending that time in Sydney
would have straightened you out.
If you met Sydney, you wouldn't say that.
Stop thinking you're so smart.
I just never expected you to return as Dame Edna's daughter.
I don't know what you mean, Mum.
[LAUGHTER]
CHRISTINE: Oh, stop.
Why are you knackered?
I've been working on Ricardo all morning, haven't I?
Maybe you should be working on the speech.
Oh, you know me, I'll come up with something.
I think I'm on my feet.
See, that's what I'm afraid of.
If I know you, you'll be up there talking about yourself
and forget all about the wedding.
So Raj, are you really in love with-- what, is she--
The one?
[LAUGHTER]
Dale, all I know is that she makes
me feel good about myself.
Well, I make you feel good about yourself.
There's got to be more than that.
Do you love her?
To be honest, the whole thing scares the hell out of me,
but she needs this.
I need this.
Surely, the fact that you're scared tells you something.
Look, mate, you are someone who deserves to feel happy,
you know?
I'm happy-
Christ.
It's strange.
I don't know if I'm coming or going at the moment.
That's what I mean.
How can you make a decision like this,
that affects not only your life, but other people's
as well, when you're in this kind of state?
Dale, I just need your support on this one.
I can't.
It's too big a risk.
But Dale, you take more risks than anyone.
Please?
WOMAN (ON TV): He disappears and I
feel anger, angry that I've been left
on my-- [INAUDIBLE] whiskey.
And then, suddenly, he stopped breathing,
those few precious seconds--
Would you?
WOMAN (ON TV): At first, that makes you think--
Have some more cake, Dale.
It's good for you.
You're always trying to make me fat, Mum.
Come on, son, a few pounds never hurt anyone.
Mike, tell Dale about that new project you're running
for the Sunday school children.
Oh, ah, Dale won't be interested in that.
Heh-heh-heh, you're right there, Mike.
Dale, don't be so rude.
You could take a leaf out of Mike's book,
do some sort of service for other people.
I do, Mum, you know I do.
For heaven's sake, don't talk about that filth
you get up to around this table.
Mum, it's not filth.
You'd be surprised.
A lot of my clients are intelligent, respectful people.
Look, the job's been around for years.
You know it has.
Ever since money's been exchanged for goods.
Prevents sex crimes, prevents people having affairs,
it allows people the opportunity to let off a little bit
of steam, let go of themselves.
I do provide a service, Mum.
I help people out.
Mike, tell him.
Dale.
You know what, Mike'?
A lot of my clients are just like you-- quiet, unmarried,
who when they're not--
Oh, for God's sake.
[PLATE SHATFERING]
DALE (VOICEOVER): Coming home provokes
all kinds of emotions in me.
Mum's pulled through.
She's found a safe bet in Mike.
Not the funniest man in the room,
however, his gentle passive nature is worlds
apart from what she did have.
I don't think she's altogether happy with her lot,
but she's no longer scared.
We don't really talk about the past.
I think she hopes I was too young and don't remember.
But I do, as if it was yesterday.
I remember the broken crockery, and the chunks
of hair on the floor.
Anyhow, now is not the time.
JIM ALLEN (VOICEOVER): Hey, this is Timid Affair.
My name's Jim Allen and I'll be with you
for the next couple of hours to listen
to some wonderful smooth jazz.
Let's get going.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone.
Oh, oh, no time for more.
Oh, don't.
Thank you all, thank you, thank you, thank you.
You look pretty in pink.
Not.
So any trade in here tonight?
Just Richard Gere over there.
He's been coming in the last couple of nights.
Never talks though, he just stares at me.
Why do you always what you can't have?
What is it with you and people that
are in loving relationships?
Would you still marry someone if you weren't 100% sure of it?
I take it we're not talking about them over there, are we?
So how are the delightful duo that are Raj and Veena?
I really don't know why you bother with them?
OK, he's good looking.
He's got lots of money, a great career,
and is straight with an air of maybe about him.
I don't see why you waste your time.
I don't expect you to like him, do I?
Tell me. What would you do?
I need to know.
If a good friend of yours, right, was
about to make a big mistake.
I'd stop him and say before you do something you regret,
have you ever considered it's never going to happen.
He's straight.
He's out right now with his fiance
while you're stuck in a faggot's bar,
clenching your mobile phone, waiting for your next punter
to call.
We're talking about him, not me.
We're talking to friends about to make big mistakes.
You're lecturing me about how to run my life when you're
running to the loo every five minutes
to put that crap up your nose?
Get a life and get the hell out of mine.
One sniff of the truth and you go running.
Few sniffs of charlie, and you're a dick.
I'm gonna give you five seconds to get out of my face
before I deck you.
I'm going nowhere, just like your fabricated relationship.
It's not fabricated.
Two.
You're pathetic.
Three.
You can't even stand up straight so how the hell
are you going to date straight?
Four.
You're just a cum guzzling whore.
Oy, wind your necks in, ladies.
Fuck off.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANING]
So Dale, have you been safer this month?
I've been looking both sides of road before crossing,
if that's what you mean.
This is no laughing matter.
If you don't start taking more responsibility
for your actions, then--
Look, I'm here, aren't I?
And before you ask, I've had 40 in the last couple months--
and yes, I've always worn my anorak, even though I
feel like I bloody train spire.
And orally?
I don't dress up for oral.
OK, I see.
Well, you've had your hepatitis B jabs?
Yeah, I just need a booster.
OK, we can do that today.
I'll take your routine swabs.
Do you feel that you need to have another HIV test?
No, I've been very careful with all that.
Good.
OK, if you stand up and drop your trousers.
This won't hurt.
DALE (VOICEOVER): OK, now I've had swabs in the past,
but here's one nurse who is clearly
out to inflict pain on those people who've got a sex life.
The way she sticks that bud into my barrel
then twists, turns, and scrapes it,
I mean, look at the expression on her face.
She loves it.
Probably the closest she ever gets to handling meat.
Imagine having to go to work to get your end away.
Then again, who am I to talk?
[PHONE RINGING]
What is it about this place?
Look at all the bland faces.
I don't get it.
Come on.
We're the lucky ones who pick up.
So we pick up a few extras along the way,
but nothing that the nurse can't clear.
You have gonorrhea in your throat.
Oh, chestnut.
Why is it always me?
Am I prone to getting this than everyone else?
Well, if you're more promiscuous, then, of course,
it increases your chances.
Maybe time to rethink about dressing up for the occasion.
But it's in the throat, not down there.
Well we haven't detected anything down there,
but that's not say there's no infection.
Just takes someone to kiss you and travel south,
then you do the math.
OK, so what is it?
Three tablets a day for a week?
Yes, and no sex for a week.
And also, you need to get in touch with people
that you've had relations with so that they can get tested.
Up for a bit of overtime, are you?
Yes.
I love dealing with pricks all day.
Can you believe it?
No sex for a week.
That's both my social life and my income out of the window.
Oh, and I can't drink either.
Damn, I feel more fucked now than I
did when I was having sex.
Uh, I think that'll do you some good.
Use the time to think about what you really want from life.
Oh, God, don't you get all serious on me, as well.
Is this Veena, is it?
This isn't about Veena.
It's about you.
You're almost 30 and you're still out there playing games.
What do you really want from life?
Where are you going to end up?
You must have dreams, desires, like everyone else.
I do.
But I'm not afraid of mine.
What is it you're afraid of'?
DALE (VOICEOVER): Come on, Raj.
Step into the unknown.
Feel what it's like.
When I fall, I'll feel every bone shatter,
crack, and smash into a thousand pieces.
And you know what?
I'll enjoy every moment.
What is it you're afraid of'?
L-- I didn't know how to tell you this.
I've been buckling it up.
I really need your help on this one.
I'm bringing the wedding forward.
What?
There's been a cancellation next
month and I know it's impulsive and I'm scared stiff, but I--
Are you mad?
Last time we spoke, you didn't know what was happening.
Why would you do something like that?
Listen to me, Raj.
If you do this, you're going to get
yourself in one hell of a mess.
Dale, just-- just write the fucking speech.
Veena, it's perfect.
Do you think so?
Definitely.
GAVIN RILEY (VOICEOVER): Hello, this is Gavin Riley.
That was the Cherry Stones, Julia.
That'll be playing later on today and throughout the day,
so stay tuned with us, or particularly,
with me, Gavin Riley.
DALE: That stall better be sparking when I get in there.
Yes, sir.
It will be, sir.
Listen, Raj, I've had a think and it'll
be good to get to know Veena a little bit better than I do,
you know?
Really?
Wow.
That's great.
That would mean a lot to me.
Thank you.
Well, it's only right I get to know what all
the fuss is about, ain't it?
So when are you both free?
Well, um, we're not around for the next couple of weeks,
but we're off tomorrow.
OK, well, Sean's coming around for dinner tomorrow, so
why don't you join us'?
[LAUGHTER]
You cook?
That'll be a first.
I think I might--
Oh, Raj, I've got someone on the other line.
6 o'clock tomorrow, yeah?
Yeah, sure, great.
I will let Veena know.
Looking forward to it.
All right, bye.
Hello, Zack speaking.
Are those your real pictures?
Yes, they are indeed.
How many inches and are you cut?
Nine inches and uncut.
That works for me.
Can I ask you your name?
Dominic.
You say you do role play.
Do you have a school uniform?
Yes, I do, Dominic.
Can you bring us a sexy friend around midday tomorrow?
Of course.
I've got a nice Brazilian guy who can assist.
It's going to be double though, Dominic.
OK, see you tomorrow.
Fine.
I can see some grime on that toilet seat.
What are you paying me for, eh'?
Sort it out.
OK, sir.
Sorry, sir.
DALE: I can't hear you, boy.
I said OK, sir, sorry, sir.
Oh.
Put your glasses back on so you can see what you're doing.
Yes, sir.
Thanks, sir.
Thanks, Dale.
And here's an extra 50.
You were definitely more into it this evening.
See you, Pete.
Oh, and, um, try not to clean up too much this week, OK?
[KNOCKING]
Zack?
Hi, Dominic, good to me you.
Listen, I'm sorry about the, um, Brazilian guy,
but I'm sure you'll find the job will
be done to your satisfaction.
[SIGH]
Come in.
So Charlie, you enjoying school?
Oh, yes, I'm really enjoying it actually.
I just love socializing.
And we have an art department to die for.
Sex education was kind of fun today, weren't it?
Oh, yeah, but I know all of that anyhow.
How are things with your girlfriend?
(WHISPERING) My girlfriend?
Aren't we doing gay role play?
(WHISPERING) Just play along.
Oh.
My girlfriend, she's just fabulous.
Fabulous?
(VVHISPERING) Butch it up.
Um, my bitch, we make out at least five times a day.
Really?
What do you do to her?
Tell me.
I've never done it with a girl.
Well, I take out her titties and I give 'em a rub
and a shake and a squeeze and that makes her purr.
Wow.
That sounds hot.
Then what do you do?
Um, well, I, uh, I part her legs and I give her
a poke with my little finger.
DALE: Little finger?
I poke and I prod and I slap and I kiss
and I lick and I sip from her.
You what?
You take a sip from her?
Zack, this just isn't working for me.
You know, actually, I'm running late for my cookery exam.
I really should go.
(WHISPERING) Sorry, Dale, I did try.
I'm just way out of my depth.
I guess I'll see you at dinner.
So Dale, anyone else?
You ever been with a guy before?
Well, I haven't been with a guy before,
but I'm getting hard just thinking about it.
I'd better take a closer look.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Who's your head boy now?
Oh, you are.
Oh, God, that's good.
Who's your prefect now?
You are.
You know, a survey says that over 60% of gay boys
have had a crush on their best friends.
What do we all think about that'?
RAJ: Ow.
Well, most boys grow into men and realize
it's never going to happen.
Three, two, one, and we're back in the classroom.
You know what, miss, your teaching method sucks.
Sorry, where were we?
Excuse me, everyone, while I go and powder my cute little nose.
Do you really think he has thing for you?
Who?
Sean?
Oh, yeah, I've known it for years.
He's always like one of those wives
you wake up next to after a few years of marriage
and think I can't stand the smell of it, let alone
the look of it.
Well, we are not having one of those marriages.
[DOOR CLOSING]
More wine anyone'?
It's the last bottle.
And as my dear friend Christine says,
it's not over until it's finished.
That's right.
Dale, you were saying that if you really love someone,
you'd shout it out for the whole world to hear.
Darling, you're nearly 30.
So go on, shout it out.
There's only four of us here.
Go fuck yourself.
If it was a choice of fucking myself or get fucked for money,
I'd go it alone any day.
DALE: You got it alone, I don't care.
You have no idea how crap you make
people feel sometimes, do you?
What you fail to understand is rejection hurts
and I've had it all my life.
But you, you get one little hint of it,
and you manipulate it and you make
it everybody else's problem so you
don't have to face the truth.
You're so goddamn weak.
[GROAN]
It's not how loud you shout or how hard you hit, if you want
to be heard, speak the truth.
I'll check on him.
Well, that's not the way you planned this evening, was it?
Go away, Veena, I'm really not in the mood.
Didn't you call this dinner party to get to me before I
marry your best friend?
So?
What do you want to ask?
You're really not interested or you, Dale?
Do you realize how much you've hurt your friend?
RAJ: Sean, wait.
Can you stop?
Sean?
Raj, stop playing the martyr.
I've just about had up to here with you
and your perfect little life.
You don't know the first thing about my life.
Really?
I have to listen to radio Dale with it's 24 hour news
bulletins on the Raj and Veena show.
Well, I can't help that.
Look, you really shouldn't let things get to you like this.
How does it feel to be that perfect, to be
that attractive, and needed?
I want to know.
Tell me.
Come on.
Stop being silly.
Get away from me.
Do you have any idea how today felt for me?
He'll be all right in a couple of days.
Why didn't you tell him you were bitching about me and Raj,
and not him?
What are you talking about'?
Like a wife you can't bare the smell of or look of?
Dale, I work with children all day.
I'm not stupid.
Give me some credit, Dale.
You're in love with Raj.
Veena looks like the cat that's got the cream.
She has that want for you.
And then I look over at Dale and he's also looking at you.
It takes me a microphone and six inch heels
and a well-rehearsed routine to be heard.
Oh, God.
I don't even know why they're interesting to you,
because your conversations are just so incredibly dull.
Hah, don't hold back.
Don't worry about me.
VEENA: Why does it always take a woman to say it the way it is?
I'm getting married in two weeks.
We need to sort out this inconvenience.
Inconvenience'?
You're unbelievable.
Have you got any idea how it feels
to love someone so much that they're in your every thought?
The pain you feel, the desire--
VEENAI Ah.
---You feel when you're right up close to them.
VEENAI Ah.
How it consumes you'?
How it burns inside you?
The more you try to ignore it, the more pain
you feel, the more it hurts, the more it makes you sick.
VEENA: Ah, you're hurting me.
You've won the battle, Veena.
You've got him.
But I know how it works.
You two will get married.
We'll have a few more awkward dinner parties.
And then you'll have children and go--
go into some weird family mode and project
all your shit on to them.
I hope it works out for you, I really do.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Yeah, it is.
No, I haven't, but go ahead.
You know, once, I was in the supermarket
and I saw this man exchanging bread.
They all had nuts on the crust.
His partner had an allergy.
He took time to notice.
He looked out for him.
You have people looking out for you, don't you?
I wish.
No man's stayed around for more than five minutes in my life.
And why the hell should they?
Just look at me.
I'm not like everyone else.
That's why I started painting my face,
to give people something a little bit more
interesting to look at.
Now I just do it to hide.
You have many qualities, you just hide them well.
If you showed people the real you more often,
you may just surprise yourself.
Now I know why people to listen to you.
You make a lot of sense when you're not being so dull.
Now let me look at your face.
I wouldn't do that.
I'm sorry, I had no idea you--
Not many people do.
I thank you for noticing.
Fuck.
Dale, what's happened?
Fuck.
VEENA: What has happened?
That guy who was murdered on the Heath--
It's my mate.
Ricardo.
Oh, my God.
I'm losing everyone.
Oh, fuck.
No, you're not.
What?
Look, you've got two great friends in your life.
You're not losing them.
God, Dale, if anything, you're going to have
Raj all to yourself very soon.
I don't get you.
You've been sitting around that dinner table for the last two
and half hours talking to Raj about marriage.
And now you're leaving him?
It's not through choice.
Why not?
I have a tumor.
I've been told it's-- it's growing fast and it's pushing
my brain into my spinal column.
And I've been given a few months.
Ha, can you believe that?
A few months.
[CRYING]
VEENA: I don't believe it.
I'm marrying him, but you're-- you're gonna have him.
God.
Do you know I love him so much'?
I love him more than anything, but I
can't give him what he wants.
You know what Raj is like.
Puts on a brave face and smiles and pretends everything's OK,
but he is being ripped apart on the inside.
I can see it in his eyes.
I even hear him crying sometimes.
He needs you.
I need you to promise me you'll always be there for him.
I'm counting on you.
VEENA: I'm counting on you.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
REPORTER (ON TV): Police are continuing with a murder
inquiry in Blackheath in London after a man
was found killed yesterday.
Ricardo Nunez, age 27, was stabbed
eight times in a spot described by police as being
notorious with gay men.
In an emotional appeal for witnesses,
Ricardds father described his son
as being a friendly, loving man who
wore his heart on his sleeve and always saw the best in people.
Cheer up, kiddo, [INAUDIBLE].
It already has.
What's worse, it seems to keep on happening.
What kind I get you, Mr. Gere?
No, you're right.
Let me get you something.
What would you like?
Do you know what I'd really like?
A happy ending, just like in "Pretty Woman," where Richard
takes Julia away from a messed up world, her friends, her job,
everything-
But this isn't a movie, and you certainly aren't Richard Gere.
Well, my name is Richard.
Then we're halfway there then.
I'd like a vodka and tonic, thanks.
How about joining me later for a drink?
Don't take pity on me.
I'm not.
This fairy spreads her wings at 7:30.
Oh, yeah?
Right.
Could you get to my place for, oh, let's see, 11 o'clock?
11?
Steady on, love, I'm not that kind of girl.
Oh, trust me, I'm not that kind of guy.
It never rains, but it flipping pours.
How's my gorgeous boy today then?
He's probably getting ready for his big clay.
How are you?
Well, you know, self-centered, cruel, upset,
trying desperately to say sorry.
Hey, that's not the Dale I love or love to hate.
Don't go soft on me now, princess.
Flowers, I mean, come on, what ever happened
to good old fashioned snow in a bag?
Look, they're not for you, are they?
They're for--
Yeah, I heard.
I'm sorry to hear about Ricardo.
I never met him, but from what you told me,
he certainly lived life to the full.
Are you OK?
Yeah.
I'm going to place these on the spot where it happened.
You be careful.
The Heath is not the safest place to go at the moment.
If you'll like, I'll come with you.
Thanks.
We'll go after work.
I've got a couple of hours to spare before my date.
Before your what?
Seems somebody doesn't find me unbearable to look at.
It's OK, Raj saw through your mind games.
He was really good to me last night.
He's not such a dick.
I know.
I had good chat with Veena as well.
Perhaps they make the perfect match after all.
You really should think about your speech.
One step ahead.
I wrote it and emailed it across to you.
Let me know it it's too much, will you?
There aren't many flowers.
He wasn't exactly Lady Di, was he?
Just another gay attack, I suppose.
To think, he came to this country
to make a better life for himself.
Poor sod.
"We never met, yet somehow I feel connected.
You were one of us and were taken from this world
simply for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
May you rest in peace."
"Now, I bet you wished you'd practiced safe sex."
Uh, sick bastard.
I can't believe they're still coming here.
Well--
What's it going to take'?
Now the press have got hold of it,
it's going to be a playground for married men, isn't it?
What time's your date?
You're not.
Be rude not to, wouldn't it?
Go on.
Please yourself like you always do.
I Will.
Oh, and Sean?
Good luck.
Go to hell, Dale.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I just don't get it.
Why would anyone willingly go out on a date with you?
You know, when I used to take to school,
they used to do me for littering.
Was that the same day that you stuck
your face out the car window and got arrested for mooning?
It's just a few drinks.
Oh, God, you should see him.
He's so handsome, distinguished, silver hair,
just like Richard Gere.
Well, we know what he likes to get up to in his spare time.
What?
He puts tins of ham inside himself.
He what?
Where'd you hear that from?
When you and Dale were talking one night, I was
walking past your room, so--
We said hamsters.
I can't believe you were eavesdropping.
You are so nosy.
I wouldn't have to eavesdrop if you didn't
close the door and whisper.
I can't win.
If I show no interest, you ram it down my throat.
What you need is a good man, then
you could find something less intoxicating to ram down
your throat.
I can't work that one out, it's over my head.
I mean you need a good dick.
Oh, well, I have you, dear.
So tell me more about the silver fox.
Well, there's not much to tell.
He, uh, mysterious with an air of authority.
What's he do?
Hopefully, everything.
I blame Dustin Hoffman.
What for'?
For making cocks in frocks fashionable.
What do you mean?
"Tootsie?"
Oh, Christine.
Oh, God, that was another video I bought for you.
Sean?
Hm?
Don't feel you gotta rush home tonight.
Don't go reading my diary again.
You didn't even put it back in the right place the last time.
Well, you got no worries there, love.
I didn't even make it through January.
It's hardly a good read.
I think you're better off sticking with paints than pens.
Don't set fire to yourself in bed tonight, sweetie.
Don't take your clothes off in bed tonight,
not if you want a second date.
I can't believe out of 10,000 sperms, you were the quickest.
I can't believe that when you appeared on the family tree,
nobody cut it down.
[PHONE RINGING]
Andy.
Right.
Ricardo, he's, uh, he's no longer-- he
doesn't do this anymore, Andy.
Yeah.
OK, I can do one on one.
Been gagged loads of times.
Rape's OK, but it'll cost you double, yeah?
OK.
I'll be in the Sauna in 20 minutes.
Course.
Wouldn't want to upset the wife, would we?
All right.
Have some wine, calm the nerves.
That'd be lovely, but I've got to be honest.
I'm really not that nervous.
Well, I was actually referring to mine.
I'm no harm to anyone.
Yeah, I know.
You do seem a little tense.
Bet it's been awhile since you've,
uh, had a lady in your company.
Indeed, it has.
So, Richard, tell me a little about yourself.
Where do I start?
As Dame Julie says--
Yeah, I'll start at the very beginning.
Mister, you're a fast learner, a man after my own heart.
Oh, I think that your opinion of me may change.
I've done some really bad things.
I want you to know me, the real me.
You see, for years, I never knew myself.
I was so confused.
I felt so lonely.
And the friends I had are not the friends you have.
But then, it was just me.
There's no escape from what I was.
Do you have secrets?
Of course.
Oh, I'm not talking about little secrets
that you can have with your friends.
I'm talking about life changing secrets.
I've one things I'm so ashamed of.
I bet you have no idea what it does
to someone knowing that he single-handedly
destroyed a family.
All the guilt I feel inside, I just can't
keep it to myself anymore.
I've got to right myself.
I see a lot of me in you.
But you have such an amazing confidence.
I mean, you wear your heart on your sleeve,
but you display with such vivid colors.
And how did you stay so strong?
I bet you have no idea of the effect you
have on other people's lives.
You love your family, don't you?
Well, we will have to make do with out lot.
It's no big deal.
Everyone's got crosses to bear.
So if you were taken from your family,
that would be no big deal.
Now, listen here, kiddo, you have
to realize that not everything is always as it seems.
And yeah, shit happens, but we have complete control
to change our lives.
Look, this is all getting a little too Baby Jane for me.
I think I really need to--
You're not going anywhere.
Not until I do what I have to do.
Years ago, people were less understanding of my kind.
You couldn't get away with those colors.
My world was a much darker place.
The rainbow may be shining on the window,
but inside, the lights aren't always on.
Look, Richard, you're a lovely guy and all,
but we've all got our scars, but I was looking for something
a little lighter tonight.
My wife tried to understand my needs.
But how could she accept me for what I was?
I made her life hell.
I brought her down.
Couldn't imagine you bringing anyone down.
Well, I left her on her own late
at night while I went out hunting for gay men.
I was an animal.
I just took 'em, didn't even know their names.
I became addicted.
Well, you know what it's like to be an addict, don't you, Sean?
I only felt complete when I was out there in the danger zone.
And knowing I would eventually get caught just
added to my excitement.
And then I did get caught, and only
then, I knew I'd fucked up.
How do you mean?
Well, screwing with gay men, it cost me everything.
My family.
What the fuck'?
When you call me kiddo, it wasn't just a pet name.
First date I've had in months.
Well, if it's any consolation, I never said it was a date.
And like I said, I've made some terrible mistakes.
But just so that you know, I dream of yours,
you know, of a happy ending.
I want that too.
When I finally tracked you down to working in the pub,
I knew the moment that I saw you, that you were mine.
I felt so proud.
It was the happiest moment of my life.
[CRYING]
DALE (VOICEOVER): Fantasies are a funny thing.
When I'm not having them, I'm cashing in on them.
I've mastered this art form.
I'm a pro.
But not everyone understands the fine line
between reality and fantasy.
You hear all the time of rapists,
pedophiles, and murderers.
I've flirted with these intruders,
but never been seduced.
Thought I was indestructible.
Look at him wearing Ricardds bracelet
like some kind of trophy.
Knife looks sharp.
I thought it was only children that used knives.
What led him to this?
His hatred for gays-- or is it self-loathing and rejecting
of what he really is?
I guess this is going to hurt.
He's a pro.
Has immaculate timing.
It's the build up and the suspense
that gets us in such a state.
I wonder how long he kept Ricardo waiting.
Guess I'll be able to ask him soon.
Can you guess where he's stabbing me?
[GROANING]
Listen.
Let your imagination run wild.
Come on.
Explore.
Imagine how it feels.
God, it's important to feel.
On an occasion like today, there are no words
to be used to ease the pain.
Before the death of my friend, I asked him to be my best man.
He was unable to fulfill that role, but thanks to our friend
Sean, I have the speech that he wrote.
Oddly enough, I think it'd be more fitting today.
I'd like to share his words with you.
"My best friend--
We have known each other for a lifetime
and my heart is filled with so much love for you.
I know I'm not the only one here today that feels that way.
There have been many times when I have questioned this love--"
Sorry.
"Where it comes from, why it makes me
act irrationally, and sometimes selfish.
But you know what?
It doesn't matter where it comes from,
it's more important to know that my love for you is ongoing.
From today, you'll be living a new life
surrounded by loved ones.
Recently, we had a hear to heart discussing
venturing into the unknown and allowing ourselves to feel.
Well, I have been doing a lot of this lately
and I felt every bone shatter, crack, and smash
into a thousand pieces.
I embraced every moment I was feeling.
Thank you so much for letting me feel.
To my amazement it did not hurt, as you were my safety net.
So go embrace this new beginning and make
the most of every single second, as I now
realize how precious life is.
You have my blessing and love always.
Dale. "
DALE (VOICEOVER): Not a bad turn out.
You know, I often used to fantasize
about how I was going to go an who would be mourning for me.
Selfish, I know, but doesn't everyone at some point?
I mean, look at their faces.
Veena, she's there supporting Raj, but clearly
mourning her own funeral.
Poor gal.
Pete, sweet, crazy Pete-- I was more than a game to you.
I was not unique in my offering.
You'll find someone else to fill my role.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Estee Applauder, my friend, Sean.
I'm going to miss you, your honesty, comedy, colors,
all your qualities.
They'll stay with me.
Christine, you faced the uncertainty that one day, Sean
will no longer be by your side.
Your past still controls your present.
You need to be honest with Sean.
Not discussing things allows your past to haunt
you for the rest of your life.
I remember the joy in Mum's face when Dad got this beautiful set
for their anniversary.
The noise as Mum screams, helpless, desperate, sickening.
I shouted with every bit of feeling I had.
That's when I felt his hands around my throat.
Six years old and gasping for air,
where does his hatred come from?
What creates a monster?
Pulled the kitchen knife, it was on the sideboard.
I plunged it into his stomach.
He stared at me.
And then it was over.
I must've been a constant reminder of the man
who broke your spirit.
You didn't like all the choices I made.
But as you know, I needed to be strong.
Next time I see you, I'm going to hold you so tight
and tell you everything's going to be OK.
Fuck off.
DALE (VOICEOVER): Well, what did you expect?
To see me covered in blood, murdered by Andy?
Please, he can barely perform a rape.
Me and my overactive imagination, humoring myself.
I'm still narrating my story, bringing you into my world,
helping you escape yours.
Do you escape much?
I like it when you do.
Do you need a little support and guidance?
Well, if you do, I know a good guide.
You'd love it.
It'd be safe.
Because as we both know, there are
some nasty people out there.
[MUSIC PLAYING]