May I help you?
- I want to, uh, take a steam bath and...
That'll be 3.50.
I thought it was only two.
It's a weekend.
Friday.
It's always 3.50 on weekends.
Here's the key.
Thanks.
- Hey, you forgot your towel and robe and slippers.
Oh, thanks.
Say is there a place around here
where I could get a cup of coffee to take with me?
Yeah, right over there.
On the right.
But you can't take any drinks up to your room.
Oh.
Well, thanks anyways.
Got any valuables you wanna check?
Anything over five bucks?
Why's that?
- Well, you can't trust your own mother these days,
how are you gonna trust a recent acquaintance?
Oh, I see what you mean.
I guess I'll leave my ring.
Just put 'em in there.
And my wallet.
Very good.
- He doesn't have enough muscles for me.
I'm looking for a nice stacked Greek man for tonight.
But you can go on in, Thumbelina.
I'm tipping on.
Ooh!
- I guess he's got someone in there huh?
Nope, she's just laying there alone.
Is this your first time here, sweetie?
No, I've been here before.
- Well, you know, you have to leave your door open
a bit wider if you wanna get a trick.
Oh, thanks for telling me.
Here, I'll fix it for you.
Now you get the trick.
- Come on! - Goodbye sweetie!
Bye.
Are you alone in there?
Yeah.
That's why my door is open.
Mind if I come in?
I guess so.
All right if I turn on the light?
Sure, why not?
Mind if I sit down?
Why should I mind?
- This is my first time here at the baths.
Quite a lot of excitement going on out there.
Well, it's Friday night.
It's always busy on the weekend.
- Well, I've never taken a bath before.
I mean, steam bath.
It's very refreshing, it's very healthy.
Cleanses you inside as well as out.
I think I've lost 10 pounds already.
Don't you find it refreshing?
Oh, yes, very.
You sound as though you don't.
Don't what?
Find it refreshing.
- It's just that I've been here so many times
I'm used to it.
It's just like bathing at home.
But it guess it is rather refreshing.
Hey, buddy.
Think about pulling your bathrobe down a bit,
it's beginning to hang out.
Oh, sure, I didn't even notice.
Okay, just remember.
Come here a lot?
Oh, sure.
At least four times a week.
This is my first time here.
You said that before.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I have a tendency to repeat myself when I get nervous.
Why are you so nervous?
Because this is my first time here.
I don't know what to do.
Well, here, have a cigarette.
Oh, no thank you.
I don't smoke.
I never did care for the taste of smoke.
I find it very unwholesome.
For me, that is.
But just never did care for the taste of it.
But you go ahead and smoke if you've got it,
I don't care if other people smoke.
Are you comfortable in that chair?
Oh, yes, thank you.
It looks so hard and un-soft like.
Oh, I am very.
But thank you for being so considerate.
- Hey, Sam, they're working you hard tonight.
Oh, it's not too bad.
There's just a few trying on me.
Well, don't work too hard.
Yeah, take it easy.
Will you tell me something?
What are you supposed to do?
I don't understand what you mean.
Well, I mean that...
How are you supposed to get to know somebody?
I mean, I went to the shower room,
I went to the steam room,
and everyone was running around so much
they didn't even notice me.
- Oh, it's nothing, you just go to your room
and you lie down in bed...
- Look at those two sitting there
dishing like they're a couple of old maids.
This is no place to chat, girls.
You can go into Pan Pan's for that.
Well, what was I saying?
Oh, yeah, you uh...
You go to your room and you get into bed and...
You have to leave the door open, though.
That's very important, they'll think you're busy.
I didn't know it was that simple.
Oh, there's nothing to it, really.
- Well, I hope I'm not taking up your time,
it's just that, if you'd rather...
No, no, stay.
I would be happy to let you.
- Hey, speak low down there will you?
I can hear you screaming all down the hall!
We're going.
Would you...
Would you like some coffee?
There's a restaurant downstairs.
I can go right down and bring it up.
- They don't allow you to bring anything up to the rooms.
Oh, I'll sneak it up somehow.
Okay?
Okay, I guess so.
I'll be right back.
- Well, I see you've finished your little chat.
That's all some of them are good for around here anyway.
The way he looks, I wouldn't even wanna dish with him.
You've got beautiful skin.
May I touch it?
Please don't.
Why?
Well, my friend'll be right back.
He wouldn't like it.
- Oh, honey, I didn't know you were hung up on him.
Well, I'll just tip on out.
See ya later.
Oh, hey, Miss Thing.
You're just tripping up and down the halls tonight.
Getting it, aren't you, girl?
This one's hung.
In which direction?
- I'm sorry, I couldn't sneak any coffee up,
because they only serve in glass cups,
but I passed this pop machine in the hallway.
I hadn't noticed it before.
Halls are so narrow.
Which would you rather have, 7 Up or Coke?
Doesn't really matter.
Oh, okay, I'll put it behind my back
and you pick one.
All right, pick.
Left arm gets the 7 Up.
Thanks.
Hope you like it.
Nice the way it sparkles, isn't it?
I remember when I was young.
I used to hold the bottle right under my nose
and let the bubbles tickle me.
- You know, I don't even know your name.
My name is Mr. Jaffee.
Well, mine is Thomas.
Thomas.
It's a beautiful name, Thomas.
Do you get the strange feeling
that someone's staring at us?
Staring at us?
But there's no one here.
There's no one under the bed.
I got the strangest feeling,
even when you were out of the room,
that someone was staring at us.
I just can sense that, when someone's looking at me.
I always could.
- There's a hole here with an eye in it.
Oh.
- I'll fix that. - I knew it.
Here.
No peeking in here anymore.
I knew it, I just...
- No peeking in here, in someone else's room,
invading our privacy.
I knew it.
I can always sense when someone's looking at me.
Hey, Miss Thing.
Did you see that queen that just went by?
My dear, she was at that drag ball last week
and I tell you, a good old lemonade jumpsuit,
six-inch heels and earrings down to her shoulders.
Well, the queens were in an uproar!
God, she liked to pluck my nerves.
I can't wait to jam.
- Oh, listen, I'll see you later, Taffy,
I'm tipping.
Did you see that number that just went by?
- I've decided I don't like this place at all.
It's like a hell for men.
An insane asylum for mad homosexuals.
I don't belong here.
Some of those boys were giggling and whispering about me
in the hallway.
Whatever possessed you to come then?
Oh, I heard so much about the baths.
They're famous, you know.
They seem to be quite famous.
And an awful lot of people come.
Did you come because of that?
Yes, I suppose so.
No.
I came to get away from my wife.
I wanted one night's vacation away from my wife.
I came to see what they were like.
I heard it was an adventure every time.
- I thought you said you came here four times a week?
I did, didn't I?
Well, I was lying to you.
This is my first time here.
And the first time I've ever taken a steam bath.
Except once, when I was little.
I took one in my grandmother's bathroom.
Yeah?
How'd you do that?
- I turned on the hot water in the shower, full blast,
and I closed the window.
In a few minutes, the room was full of steam.
It wasn't quite as effective as the ones here, though.
Hey, Taffy, come here!
I just came down from three, honey,
and I was wrecked.
Well, this trick and I, we were making it
and then my hands were going in every direction,
and then I heard a clunk.
Well, he popped out of bed and switched on that light
and then there was a pair of false teeth
lying on the floor!
Can you believe that, Miss Thing?
I must have knocked his itty teeth right out of his mouth!
- Here comes the floor walker, Miss Thing, let's tip on!
- I just had to have one nice vacation away from home.
That's all.
I couldn't stand it anymore,
sitting at home doing nothing.
I needed something different.
Watching television, getting up for work,
going to sleep, watching television...
That's all I've been doing now for years.
I needed a vacation.
I haven't had one in two years.
It's a wonder I haven't taken one before.
- Don't you have any friends to go out with?
Not anymore.
Just like I don't even have a wife anymore.
But that doesn't matter.
Did you ever try to make love to a woman
with curlers, metal curlers, wrapped all over her head
and cold cream slopped all over her face?
- I can't imagine myself even attempting it.
Good for you.
Well, my wife, every night, has a head full of them
and a face full of lard.
In the morning, she pours my coffee,
she has a perfect line right across her forehead.
She pulls that hairline, that hairline's so goddamn tight,
I can't even get my finger under it.
Then, when I come home from work,
she's off to the club meetings
and she leaves my dinner nicely wrapped in cellophane paper.
She comes home at night,
she starts putting her hair in rollers
and slapping on the lard.
The same routine now for more than 19 years.
It doesn't sound very exciting.
What do you, uh, get out of being married
all those years when you have no communication?
When you don't give one another something?
- Well, she used to give me something, something beautiful.
But that's all done now.
- Did you say you were tipping on down to one or three?
- Yes, well, I thought I'd see who's down the block.
- Okay, well, I think I'll go with you.
I'm filled for the night.
Oh, honey, did you catch that one?
It's enough to make a girl drop her beads.
- Ooh, well, I'll see you later, Miss Parish.
Sure, Miss Thing.
You have pretty feet, Thomas.
I always like well-shaped feet.
Would you mind if I do something?
Guess so.
Sit down.
This little piggy went to market.
And this little piggy went home.
And this little piggy had roast beef.
And this little piggy had none.
And this little piggy...
Cried wee wee wee
all the way home.
- I think feet are very important, too.
This boy I met once
had two toes stuck together on each foot.
And I couldn't make love with him.
I just couldn't.
- My wife, Isabella, has the ugliest feet
I've ever seen in my entire life.
Corns and bunions all over them.
And her toes kind of curl under.
She's always squeezing her feet into shoes
a size smaller than her own.
She's so vain, she doesn't want anyone to know
that she's got big feet.
She's always complaining about them,
but she won't put them in her own proper size.
At night, she wriggles her toes on me,
I can feel her corns and bunions touching me.
I have to get out of bed sometimes
and wait until she falls asleep.
Good feet are important.
I think well-shaped feet are very sensual.
They excite me an awful lot.
I can get very engrossed with them.
- I've never had the nerve to tell Isabella
how I hate her feet.
She'd probably cry if I did.
But I wish to hell she'd stop touching me with them.
I had this dream once, about her feet.
They somehow got disconnected from her
and started walking toward me and over me,
up and down, all over my body,
all over my face.
The toes were trying to get into my mouth.
Ugh, I had to sleep on the couch for a month after that.
I had this other dream once.
She locked me in the bathroom
and started throwing these solid balls of blood at me.
Every time they hit me, they'd splash all over me.
I was covered with blood by the end of the dream.
Ugh!
I wonder what that means.
Dreams are quite fascinating.
They have very deep meanings.
I have a book at home that tells all about them in detail.
Isabella sometimes leaves her
sanitary pads on the sink
and I end up throwing them out.
It might have something to do with that.
- Hmm, that is the most disgusting habit.
I don't know how a woman can forget
to dispose of those things.
I used to work in this restaurant
and part of my job was to clean out the johns.
Well, these women would leave those things
all over the place.
Some of them even flushed them down the toilets.
Stuffed the toilets up with them
and the water would be all over.
And I'd have to take this long, pole-like thing
and pull 'em out.
It really used to make me sick.
Well.
I finally quit working there.
I just couldn't take it.
It really was quite disgusting.
Hey, Miss Parish.
Where'd you get that shirt, honey?
It's a good one!
Do you like it?
I mobbed it out of a shop on Greenwich Avenue.
Well, all right, honey!
You can mob me one, too.
Just like it, any time!
It's really together, girl.
I know.
May I touch your face, Thomas?
I just want to put my hand on your skin.
It's soft.
Extremely soft, like a young boy's.
My son Billy had soft skin.
Like a butterfly's.
What happened to him?
He died.
Oh, forgive me, Mr. Jaffee.
I didn't...
A year ago today, he died.
He was on the high school football team
and they were touring the Southern states.
He played one of them.
Alabama.
Just one.
He wanted to be a famous football star someday.
He had lots of hopes
and he was good, extremely good.
His body was strong and healthy,
it could take the hard work and training
it takes to make a top football star
and play in one of the big leagues.
Handsome.
Was he ever handsome.
Girls used to call him to make dates,
he was so good-looking.
One of the most fantastic things about his beauty
was his skin.
It was so soft.
When Billy was a little boy, we had to be so careful
about what he ate.
Otherwise, he'd break out in rashes all over his body.
He didn't look anything like Isabella or me.
People used to joke about that.
They used to say Isabella had a secret admirer somewhere
that nobody knew about.
He went swimming in this lake one afternoon
with two of his buddies.
Billy dived in first.
It was only seconds later
when they realized he hadn't come up.
They said it was like a big vacuum had sucked him under.
They panicked and started shouting for help, but...
Later that afternoon, they drained the lake.
They found thousands of snakes,
coiled around each other
And Billy.
There were chunks of flesh bitten out of him.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
- We had him brought back home for the funeral.
There were more than 200 people there.
The football team he played with
and his teachers and friends.
They all sent him flowers.
Millions of dead flowers.
I had them all burned.
I never liked lilies and wreaths
and flowers marked with death.
He had one flower.
A beautiful,
golden
sunflower.
Hey, Miss Thing.
We'd better tip on down to the tea room
before we go to one and three,
I've gotta powder my nose.
Okay.
Oh, I didn't bring my bag with me.
Oh, well, that's all right,
I've got some gillyflowers with me.
- Oh, but you always use that blushing pink.
- Well, tip on down and get your own, then.
Oh!
- He looked as though he'd died on stage in a play,
with all that pasty makeup they put on his face.
They stuffed so much cotton in his face,
his face was all
swollen, distorted.
He always had such good structure.
Our curse.
Woo, woo, woo!
Christ, Mary, what stinks in here?
So you're the one that's wearing it?
Oof, it's Lyme.
How cheap.
You do know it's not in fashion?
It's Lyme, honey.
- Get out of here, you sick faggots!
Get the fuck out!
She's fresh as hell!
Get out, you freak!
We're going, don't pop your beads!
Come on, girls, let's tip.
You're right, Mr. Jaffee.
It is like an insane asylum here.
Thomas?
There's something I want to give you.
All my valuables are c hecked downstairs.
Promise me you won't leave, please?
I promise.
Is your name Thomas?
I told you to get out!
Don't be so hostile!
A man by the name of Mr. Jaffee
asked us to deliver this gay package to you.
Well, hurry up, open it.
Boy, come on, open it up.
Open the gay box.
- Gah, I thought it might be gay jewels fit for a queen.
- Honey, if somebody gave me a flower like that,
I'd sit on it.
Well, it would depend on the trick.
- Miss Thing, it was nothing but a gay flower
and it was this big.
Woo!
It'll take some vase to hold that.
And this little piggy cried
wee wee wee
all the way home.
I'm sorry?
Did you say something?
No.
Nothing.
Yeah!
Yes, I did.
I said,
"Come on in."